


Lexa has left you a comment:

by Luxi_Storyteller



Series: Opening Doors to New Adventures [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clexa, Community: au100, Dom/sub Play, Everyone is connected, Finding Family, Fluff and Smut, Genderqueer Character, Growing Up, Homelessness, Humor, I try to be funny sometimes., Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mild BDSM, Multi, Other, Patchwork Family - Freeform, Running Away, Sexual Content, Smut, Spanking, The Fosters meets Gilmore Girls meets my crazy, Toy Play, a lot of making out, non-binary, rarely fluff without emotional upheaval, sex ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-03-28 17:13:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 85
Words: 274,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3862864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxi_Storyteller/pseuds/Luxi_Storyteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is a teacher and writer that meets her harshest critic only known by the tag name Lexa in an online fan fiction board. What happens when she gets catfished by a beautiful genderqueer poly sic teacher? Well obviously sense this piece is seriously long they like fall in love and try to make this family of foster kids, runaways, and their boyfriends. </p><p>Or</p><p>When Clarke falls for Lexa just as hard as Lexa falls for Clarke but they are both emotional basket cases that have a lot of kinky Dom/Sub sex, while dealing with their kids that they seem to have acquired though neither are old enough to have kids this age. Trying to make it work even though both have intense walls up, who knows maybe they'll get married. But seriously we are 75 chapters in and they are still not married so let's see if they can make that happen soon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**~Clarke~**

Sunlight peaked through dusty slats in the blinds, so when Clarke peaked open her eyes she groaned. It was too early in spring to be this bright. This bright meant it would be sickeningly warm, in spite of how cool it was at the moment. The air was chilled from the rainstorm that had passed through the night before shaking the windows with each roll of thunder.

It was a Saturday. Saturdays should have meant sleeping in, but Clarke found rest a little more difficult to achieve. Clarke was looking forward to visiting the venue for the upcoming October wedding with her fiancé. She stretched her hand across the bed, only to be met with cold sheets and no body. She groaned that Finn's body was missing from the bed. He had been home little that week, but she knew he had to work a few overnights at the teen center. However, in addition to missing nights, he had habitually been late every night that week and left early each morning.

Frustration settling in her gut, she twisted her feet in the comforter. _He must have forgotten about the venue_ , she thought as tears pricked at her eyes. She rubbed them away, along with the crusties from the deep sleep.

Leaning over, she pulled the phone from the bedside table. Checking the time, she knew she was awake earlier than usual. It was 7:30. No way could she be up at this early. No way could she expect the kid to get up with her at this hour on a Saturday.

Pulling the blanket over her head, she closed her eyes. _Another hour won't hurt anything,_ but the pressure in her bladder caused her to clench her legs together and pull into the fetal position.

No matter how she twisted, it was only five minutes more and the battle was lost. She kicked off the blankets to a jumbled mess at the base of the bed. Padding her way to the master bathroom, she plopped herself on the toilet.

'Meow!' Orion yelled three feet from the toilet. Clarke never understood why the albino cat always sought attention when she needed to reveal herself, but there he was. Yellowish green eyes staring at her seated, half naked form.

"Good morning to you too," she spoke to the cat; who responded with several more cries that were too similar to an infant crying for her taste.

"I got it, dude. You can see the bottom of your food dish and you are going to starve to death," she said with eyes rolling in her head. And as if he knew what she spoke of, the cat turned and bolted from the bathroom to his food dish on the other side of the wall.

She finished up, washed her hands, and then brushed her teeth. Staring at the dark circles under her eyes from the restless sleep of the night before. As she brushed, Clarke looked in the mirror, debating whether her hair needed to be washed or if she could get away with an elastic headband and sock bun. Realizing that time was running out, she went with the latter before pulling on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a thin black shirt.

Orion screamed still impatient for his dish to be filled to the brim, as she thrust her feet into black crocheted Toms that pulled her outfit together.

"Yeah, I'm coming!" she yelled at him. Gliding the black liquid eyeliner over top lid of each eye, then the pencil below, created an intense blue stare. _Ready for war_ , she thought.

After filling the cat's bowl, she left the bedroom. She glanced at the gigantic pile of student stories and essays that she would need to read in the next week while her and O were on Spring Break. The pile off center, and only needed a slight push before they would collapse in a heap over the wooden table and floor. She glanced down at the Times New Roman font across the top page of the ninth grader’s poorly formatted essay. Her hand reached down to take one, but decided against subjecting her Saturday morning to such a painful mind-numbing tasked, she walked away from them.

Instead she took the four steps to cross the imaginary border separating dining room to kitchen, and seven more steps to the black side-by-side refrigerator. Grabbing four blueberry waffles from the freezer, Clarke put them in the family size toaster. Turning one side to a five for herself and the other a three for the still sleeping teen.

While the waffles cooked, she fed the large yellow lab that had come from the hallway where Octavia was still sleeping. The dog’s tail wagged furiously as she set the silver bowl into the risen holder. Running her hands down the dog’s back as she ate, Clarke praised the dog for being a good girl.

After the morning animal feedings were all done, she made her way down the small hallway. The darkened passage that needed a new light because neither of the females cared enough to change out the bulb in the light. She passed the guest room and the bathroom, before making it to the last door of the hall. Her knuckles knocked gently on the hollow wood.

"O, honey. It's time to get up.” She stood and listened but heard no movement. “We have some errands to run." She waited again, but didn’t hear so much as a grunt of acknowledgement.

Carefully opening the door, her olfactory senses were assaulted by the aroma of dirty softball socks mixed with vanilla sandalwood perfume that the seventeen year old girl loved. Clarke could see her daughter twisted and passed out in a tangled mess of sheets.

Standing there, she considered how different life could have been. She had never planned on adopting a teenager. Let alone at the age of 26; however, she had met the girl at freshman orientation when she was entering high school. It was Clarke's first year of teaching and they had lectured all new staff about boundaries and not engaging students in communication about their personal lives. The idea was to protect the school, but Clarke cared too much. The students learned this early and they kept a chair by her desk, labeled the “therapy chair.” Daily she helped students work through their self-doubt, anger, or depression.

It was months before Octavia was comfortable enough to come speak to her. Even then it took some coaxing and the big question of “is someone hurting you?” The question Clarke had to ask as she watched the teen flinch when she moved too quickly in the same vicinity. Asked because the kid was walking as though every muscle in her body ached. Asked because she knew kids being abused won’t tell someone a lot of the time unless they are asked. It was the type of conversation that a teacher is mandated to report, so Clarke did just that.

But she couldn't stop there. It took another eight months before Octavia's adoption had been approved. Two months in parenting classes, and six in fostering the angry girl. But it was worth it. Even the time following, where the teenager intentionally tried pushing Clarke to her breaking point. Testing Clarke over and over again, to see if she would break. To see if she could really trust the teacher not to beat her, starve her, or rape her. Test her because she needed a way to explain her pain, but only was able to share it. Share through cruel and angry words that bit into Clarke's flesh and being, toughening her up to be the parent that Octavia needed.

While Octavia still slept with gentle snores rising from the smothering blankets, Clarke thought about her losses that helped her understand. Helped her understand that girl didn't account for Clarke having had been there, done that. The blonde thought about how she had pushed her mother and best friend away when her father died. She had pushed so hard that she and her mom still lacked a resemblance of any sort of relationship, and the friend turned boyfriend had died alone in a home robbery while she had run off to pout about how hard her life was after they had been living together for several months.

Waking from her trance, she decided the gentle approach was not the business for this morning. In her best opera impersonation, Clarke called at the top of her lungs. OCTAVIA BLAKE GRIFFIN WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOU SLEEPY HEAD! GET UP! GE- umph,” she is abruptly stopped when a pillow collided with her head.

"Seriously, Momma G! You could have just said it's time to get up!" the girl groaned, her green tinted blue eyes hard set and lips pursed in a grumpy scowl.

"Tried that," the mother responded smiling, before throwing the pillow back at the girl. The girl swatted it away with ease and rolled back over into the comfort of her own bed, obviously not planning on getting up

Seeing that there was more of a push needed to get Octavia up, Clarke told her the plan for the day. "I need you to go with me to see the venue, and then we have a few other errands to run,” Clarke stated as cheerfully as possible with a masked smile plastered on her face. Her mind telling her heart that it didn’t bother her that her plans had been disrupted for the day.

Facing the wall in an attempt to fall back into a deep sleep, the teen responded with a grunt, "I thought he was going with you." Clarke didn’t miss the fact that the girl didn’t use her fiancé’s name.

"He had something to do this morning. So it's you and me lady!" she answered with a little less excitement, which apparently spoke enough to get Octavia’s attention, because she sat up and dropped her legs from the bed. Looking at her adoptive mom, Octavia contemplated her words, as though there were gears turning in the girl's head that Clarke could hear clicking into place.

When she did speak, it was not a phrase that was uncommon, as they had had the conversation numerous times before, "We don't need him." Octavia had never liked Finn much and his repeated late work nights had grown a stronger distaste for the man. But Clarke wasn't one to back down from her word.

Twirling the small princess cut diamond ring around her finger, she met her daughter's eyes. "But he is what I want, O," she says. But in the same breath thought, _I hope_.

~~~~~

It took Octavia thirty minutes to make it to the cold waffle awaiting her.  The girl moved into the open living area to find Clarke seated at the overly large dining room table. As she pulled the cold waffles from the toaster, she leaned against the counter and watched Clarke close her MacBook Air.

"Whacha doing? Reading another fan fic?" the girl asked, but Clarke shook her head and smiled at the girl that is dressed similarly to herself. It was rare that Clarke approved of an outfit the teen selected, always uncomfortable with the girl’s desire to show as much skin as possible.

"No, I actually posted one I wrote," she stated proudly.

"Cool,” she answered, her mouth slightly full of cold waffle. “So what's happening with novel two? The first one was a huge hit so they should be asking for a sequel, right?" O asks before taking another bite from the cold waffle and setting it down on the counter. Her back turning to her adoptive mother, to pull a bowl from the cabinet and a large quart of honey flavored Greek yogurt from the fridge. She scoops out three heaping spoonful’s in a small bowl that slop against the glass in a disturbing sound that is causes Clarke’s mouth to scrunch up. Yogurt not being one of her favorite food choices due to consistency alone. Without noticing or caring for Clarke’s disgust, the girl moved to the farmhouse table after grabbing her half eaten waffle and took a seat across from Clarke.

"I have a Skype meeting with the publisher next week on… Tuesday, I think," Clarke responded as the spoon of shaky goop rose from the bowl to the girl’s lips. She tried to focus on something other than the yogurt. Closing her eyes she remembered the success of her first book during the last year. She had made it to a bestseller list and was short-listed for a few upcoming awards.

"You gonna quit teaching?" O probed further, but Clarke shook her head. She couldn’t imagine leaving her teaching job.

"No, I could never leave my classroom,” the blonde said. Then added,  “and gonna is not a word, O."

Octavia smiled at the English teacher coming out to correct her language, but she wasn’t going to take it lying down. "If you are going to correct my grammar, at least do so in a complete sentence," she retorted with a smirk hinting in her lips and eyes. The comment brought a chuckle from the English teacher, unable to argue with the 17 year old’s point.

Before Clarke could carry the conversation in another direction the cell phone on the table let out a _ding!_

Opening her email, Clarke’s smile grew. "Hey, my story got a comment!" she said, opening the message. But the grin fell as she read the message.

The heading reading, Lexa has left you a comment. Clarke’s eyes scanned through the message.

> **Lexa left you a comment:** "you must hate the characters in this show very much, to write them so bad and so out of character. it’s as if you never watched the show"

Octavia noticed the change in the woman, and asked, "What's wrong?”

When Clarke didn't respond, Octavia took the phone from her hand. Clarke tried to take it back, but the teen was stronger and faster. While the girl read the message, her eyes grew dark and irritated.

"Fuck her. She's probably a troll," the girl tried to comfort her pseudo mom, but her words held little weight compared to the criticism.

Clarke didn’t know how to react. Shaking her head she said. "You don't know that the person is a her.” Then after a second of thought, she asked, “What do you mean troll?" Clarke had received poor reviews before, but for some reason this one hurt her feelings more than any of those for her book. _Possibly, because it was the first response,_ she justified.

"Someone that just bashes someone else's writing," Octavia explained as she puts her bowl in the sink.

With a point of a finger, Clarke instructed, "Dish washer, O.” She didn’t look up to check, taking the sound of the water running as a sign the teen was following her command, so she could focus on as she typed out a response.

She wrote: "Actually, I really love the characters of this fandom. I began writing this to give the villainous character more of a backstory. She will develop, but slowly. I teach this show as a long series work to my high school freshmen, and have spent much time analyzing her character in relationship to the others. I promise, you have seen little of the queen and she changes more once the other characters arrive." Pressing send, she wondered if the person would even get the comment.

Looking up at the girl that was clearly ready to leave, she said, “Okay, baby. Let’s go.”

Octavia rolled her eyes at Clarke’s term of endearment, because she wasn't a baby and Clarke had never known her as a baby. Clarke knew that the word just irked her a little. Neither acknowledged it though. This being a ruin for the past several years.

As they moved into the garage and into the car, Octavia asked, “Can we go to Sephora?”

~~~~~

It's in the expensive make-up chain store that Clarke hears the next alert of an email. Opening her email she sees she received another response from the mysterious Lexa.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "she seems evil and insolent, when that is further from the truth of the character. and her sister feels like an all powerful mary sue. also you make light of her sacrifice, and it's as though you don’t consider the plausibility that the rest of her people wouldn't support her decision... i'll trust you and give it a chance, but I don't have much hope."

Clarke's stomach fell at the harsh critique, and internally tried to argue that the commenter was clearly not literate considering they didn’t bother to capitalize a single word. But the comment dug at her, hitting a sensitive spot of Clarke’s own insecurities.

Navigating to the Safari browser, she clicked into the Fanfiction website and deleted the story. She decided that later she would redraft it and try again under a different title. Maybe then Lexa would leave her alone.

As she looked up at her daughter trying on eyeliner, she caught a shadow of familiarity in the window behind the girl's head. Familiarity that caused the breath to leak through the holes that began to open into Clarke’s being.

After refocusing her gaze, she recognized the figure as her fiancé, Finn. And with closer examination, she realized he was not alone. Rather, he was with a girl. A girl whose fingers were interlaced with his. Clarke took in her tanned skin and the chocolate brown hair cascading down her back. Then watched as the girl’s thin form pressed against his side as he laughed at her words. She leaned in and kissed the man.

_My man._

Still staring, she hadn’t realized that Octavia had caught her line of sight. Hadn’t realized that she was seeing the same thing that she was. Only the teen’s words, "Are you fucking serious?" called loudly through the store pulled her from the sight of the slender woman pressed against Finn as her teenager pushed through the crowded store towards the door.

Clarke chased after her daughter, pushing through the crowd of teens and women. The blockage made it difficult to make it to the girl who was already outside of the store squaring up to the man that was suppose to be her step-father in just six months.

Clarke reached out. Grabbed for her daughter’s arm to pull her backwards. Catching her wrists, but not in time. As she grabbed the girl's wrist, the Octavia’s other hand connected with the man's face.

**~Lexa~**

Trying desperately to avoid being seen, Lexa twisted and jerked around the other people, only to have pathway blocked.  Just a trip for a pair of running shoes. Just a quick trip to the mall for new pair of Nike’s.

Really it shouldn’t even count as shopping. But nothing seemed to be going Lexa’s way. The way blocked by a screaming teen and a man holding his jaw as tanned girl is pulling at the man, trying to get his attention. More people were gathering, and it became more difficult to navigate away from the scene.

But the teen caught Lexa’s attention. She was a student. A student from the school that Lexa had started at mid year. The school that Lexa had still yet to make a single friend besides the assigned mentor, Anya.

And suddenly the scene became a little more interesting for Lexa. Especially the blonde trying to hold back the girl. The blonde English teacher that had caught Lexa’s eye when she ran the pep rally with envious charisma. The way the kids would quiet just at the sight of her.

But something clicked then. The flashing ring on the blonde’s hand as the girl… _Olivia? Maybe. No, it was something different._ Doesn’t matter though, because the O was screaming at the man, “You piece of shit never deserved her.”

It takes Griffin a several moments to pull her daughter away, and what blew Lexa away was the way that throughout the entire event the blonde’s focus lay solely on calming her daughter. The intense protective nature that she held for the girl that was barely outside of their generation had Lexa more interested in the beauty.

Talking had never been Lexa strong suit. Except in the classroom, but that was different. It was a protected space of authority. The only true sense of control that seemed tangible.

The phone beeping then pulled their attention from the dissipating crowd as the girl and fellow teachers were quickly moving from the area and towards the girl.

Opening the text, Lexa read the message from the chemistry instructor. “Hey Trikru wanna go to Griffins for pizza night on Wednesday. We can call it a date.” The man would not give up. No matter how many times Lexa had turned him him, the man continued to try. Even when told that he had parts that were not appealing, he kept trying with a wide grin that almost took up half of his skinny face.

Something was appealing about this text though. The part about being at the blonde’s home. The blonde who may be single now. Not that she would be interested, but still single was somewhat hopeful.

Making headway to Dick’s sporting goods, the sight of shoes and outdoor goods eased the tension. The tension that was building with hope. Hope had never been a safe place. Hope led to heartbreak, and heartbreak was always inevitable by Lexa’s standards.

They wanted to try though. For some reason they wanted to take a chance that maybe the blonde that adopted a kid more than half her age would understand. _Understand and accept me._

With a new pair of black sneakers on, the confidence boost was undeniable. The look in the full length mirror showed their slim toned figure. Not unappealing package. The question was though if Griffin could handle what was below. Running a hand under dark curls, the question consumed every thought. Only pulling away to answer the salesperson that, “Yes, they are what I was looking for.”

Taking the shoes off, Lexa answered Monty, “Still not a female, but I would be interested in pizza. I will meet you there. Just send me the address.”


	2. Chapter 2

**~Clarke~**

It was three days before Clarke found herself in front of the laptop again, beating fingers against keys with a fury that only the pain of yet another loss can fuel. Her blood shot eyes and vodka filled veins struggled to focus on the words from the prior story, and it was only one in the afternoon. As she read, she made changes. Adjusting the tense, the scene order, the anger. Adding so much anger, so much of her anger. 

But quickly she realized that even though she disliked "Lexa the Troll", the person did have a point. She had concentrated a lot of anger into the protagonist making her appear more vicious and heartless than intended. So she spread the pain more thoroughly, embedding the aching inadequacy into the fibers that built every being.

Irritated that the troll was correct, she moved ideas around and tried to rebuild. She gave the villain a painful past, but her sister one more so. But when she got to the secondary protagonist, she began to struggle in creating a savior character. Struggled to build a character that she hoped would challenge notions of finite good and evil. Struggled to find a way to make this character not weak but not too heroic. Not when she felt weak. Weak and incapable of heroism.

Before Clarke realized it, she channeled every betrayed thought of her own relationship into the black and white text. The character coming to life from simple descriptions to dense fleshy qualities that made her real. Too real. Too close to real.

Every time she typed the word “disposable” a part of her ached for Finn to return. To come home and tell her what she needed to do to be good enough. To tell her she was not disposable. 

Not for another girl. Another girl that was younger. That was prettier. That was better.  

But Clarke knew that even if he did come back, she could never restart their relationship. Not after Octavia had raged at her for her incompetency. For her inability to see what was clear for everyone. Everyone but her. 

So, she tried to rid her rage. Rid her pain through every character, every voice a piece of her soul. Everyone of her voices that echoed in the vast hollow of her chest. Her heart having exploded to leave nothing but emptiness. 

As her fingers moved over the keys and the tears streamed from her eyes, she felt a release that weakened her resolve to even finish. But she needed vindication now. She needed someone to tell her that she was doing well and to keep going. She needed to not be disposable.

With three chapters completed, Clarke logged back into the fan fiction website. But the red and white banner made the tears thicker, and the mucus in her throat thick. She stuttered in the posting menu, unsure if this would be the best plan. Knowing that she was actually opening herself up again. Opening up for further rejection. But she also knew that this is how personal journeys began, and Finn had pushed her. Pushed her to face her new unknown. An unknown that would take her on a new path. 

And hope all she had left. It was small, and a simple flicker of possible, but something the provided a path through the darkness that she had wallowed in the silent house for the past three days. 

She posted the work under a new title and added a tag reflecting that this was a rework of a previous story. Without previewing she hit “post”, as her phone began to play the obnoxious melody that was Octavia and her first bonding song.

The goofy teenager's face popped up on the screen, and even through the sadness that had resonated in Clarke’s being, the girl’s scrunched face with cross eyes made her smile.

"Hey honey," she answered, trying to enunciate the words without slurring, as well as hide the loss in her voice. The same way she had done after every time the girl pushed her to break. Pushed her to prove that she was good enough to adopt her.  

"Momma G! It's been fun visiting the brother but can I please come home now?" the raspy voice rang through the speaker loudly. The volume hurting her head slightly as her buzz was beginning to wear off. She clicked the decrease volume button a couple of times, trying to focus on the girl’s request.

Octavia requesting to come home after “visiting” her older brother at the local university that he was studying. “Visting” so that Clarke could grieve the crumbling of her life without the girl having to try and support her. To give her time to drown her pain in the harsh burning liquid that she kept in the freezer.

Her hands were shaking, and legs in worse shape as she tried to pull herself up from the chair that had caused her ass to go numb. She wasn't in a condition that she could go pick up the girl, and was thankful that it was spring break so that neither of them were missing school/work. Or worse face the day to day of normality… not when it seemed like nothing was normal.

"Honey, I can't come pick you up until tomorrow," she said slowly, knowing that the teen would know it would mean she was drunk and unable to drive.

There was only a few moments of steady breaths before Octavia broke the silence. "It's okay. I figured you would have burned through that vodka bottle.” Clarke knew the kid would know. Know her weakness. The same weakness the kid shared when in pain. 

Another minutes of silence. The acknowledgement that she had been drinking with little moments of sobering clarity that led her back to the familiar bottle of pain relief. “If Bell can drive me, can I please come home?" 

Clarke’s head dropped back, but she tried to right it when the room started to tilt and sloshing in her stomach was an all too gruesome knowledge that she was going to be sick. She couldn't tell the kid no, because she always kept the door open from anyone, making her home anyone that needed a roof. But if she came home, she would see the remnants of who she was, and the self-destruction that was not healthy for a kid still battling her own nightly demons.

But fucking open doors. Open doors, that was what Griffins lived by.

"I was trying not to slur," the woman confessed with a weak smile on her face.

"So… that's a yes then?"

With a sigh and knowledge that she had all but an hour to get herself in mom-mode. Mom mode for the kid that didn’t see her as a mother. Just a temporary keeper, even after the adoption finalization. But she would be there for the kid. She would be the person that she promised to be when she brought her home. Telling her, "Yes, honey. You are never banned from home.

When the two hung up, the phone  _ dinged _ .

Hitting the email app, she saw she had a comment, and the preview declared it a message from none other than Lexa.

_ Are you fucking serious! _ the woman cursed internally. She had just posted the three new chapters.  _ How did they know that I posted already? _

Unable to handle more criticism at the moment, she didn't open the email.

Instead, she went to through the bedroom and straight to the bathroom. Turning the shower on in the master bathroom, before burning her esophagus with bile and vile vodka. Heaving until there was nothing left, and wiped away the splatter from her face with a swipe of her hand. When her legs stopped shaking, she stood in the narrow room. Stood before the same mirror that reminded her of why Finn would search out something better. Each article of clothing remov. The three day old sweats and tank top, leaving her bare to stare at herself in the mirror. Eyes rimmed red made the shallow blue more vibrant than usual.

'What was wrong with me?" she asked, moving her gaze to the rest of her body.

She critiqued the flesh of her torso. Her breasts were larger than the tanned girl's, and hips larger. The girl was tall and a slim; slim like she had used to be. But she had gained some weight since she started dating Finn.  _ Maybe it had caused him to lose interest. _

Turning to the side to see the way her ass stood out. Stood out against the rest of the pale skin that she never tried to show. Knowing it wasn’t ideal. Vowing to start running again, she stepped into the hot shower.

The water was too hot for the warmth of the day, but she craved the scalding heat that made the pain physical. She wanted the water to burn away the remnants of the person she use to be. Using the loofa, she scrubbed at her skin until every inch was red and raw. Tears mixed with water washed down the drain.

The water turned cold, before Clarke left the stream having cried all of the tears possible. Mixing them with water that settled around her ankles. Settled because of the clogged drain. The drain that refused to let her empty herself any more. Refused to function as needed, so she had to leave the shower to wash away the expulsion of snot that always accompanied tears. The ugliness of tears that the movies never showed.

Sobered some, she dressed in a pair of jeans and a grey  _ Fahrenheit 451 _ t-shirt. Feeling refreshed, she went back to her computer and pulled up her email. She took a deep breath and opened the comment from Lexa.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "And yet the line that caused trouble for me still exists. Katia always showed a level head and here you have her as a hothead that can't be reasoned with (completely opposite of the character). Don't know if the sister is marysued again, she hasn't spoken a lot yet. And you did fix some points, but still needs a lot of work (and the english is still a little iffy). Also the police guy acting like an all powerful overseer and so disrespectful and against Katia is also, really, really weird for me... he always seemed more like a down to earth pacifist that would try to avoid fight among the people he respects."

_ Did this bitch seriously just correct my fucking grammar? _ The blonde ranted internally. The comment only added to the growing darkness that had begun to consume her. A darkness that had her fingers hitting the keys and the delete button over and over again. She attempted to respond several times, but finally just walked away from the computer to make herself a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of strong coffee.

The Keurig gurgled behind her as she flipped the sandwich in the pan, watching the cheese melting from the sides of crusts of the bread, and the harsh earthy scent of the single cup brew reminded her of the years she spent as a Starbucks barista.

The thought making her realize that she actually already had the answer to Lexa the Troll. And the anger that had her ears pulsing a moment ago was not the answer.  _ Kill them through kindness _ , her subconscious instructed her and she planned her attack on Lexa the Troll.

Plating the grilled cheese sandwich, she moved back to the table. Back the table and sat at the computer and typed out a response, taking the time to devour half of her sandwich and finished her coffee.

The words coming easier this time. Easier, but still needed several rewrites. In an effort fight the losing battle of grammar issues and missed words, she reread her response out loud, checking for hidden errors.

“Thank you again for your critique of my story. I feel that it is comments like yours that will help improve my writing and story line. I feel that because we have only seen Katia as an angry witch that it is safe to assume that for a period of time she will be going through a stage of anger, as any person does when they have lost one that is closely loved or cared for. I understand your reservations about how I am choosing to take the characters in my story following the last episode of season two. I have felt similarly in many of the fandom pieces I have read; however, I also recognize it as author's choice. I feel though that I need to make a few suggestions to you as well. If you feel the need to comment on my use of the English language, then it would be less hypocritical to do so in a grammatically correct sentence, rather than a sentence fragment. (I teach high school English courses. I am very well versed in grammar rules). I realize my work contains typos, as I was overly excited to publish and have no support in regards to editing. If you choose to continue reading, then I look forward to further critique and slight snarky commentary. I will also be more than happy to reply and attempt to defend my decisions or admit to faltering and screwing up. Thank you again and best wishes to you this week."

_ Take that bitch, _ she said, and hit send.

Satisfied, Clarke leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. Bringing the cup to her lips. She breathed in the fumes, before putting the sugary altered substance against her parted mouth. Letting the drink ripple over her tongue. It wasn’t her chai tea latte but it hit the spot well.

Several minutes later:  _ Ding! _

She opened her email to see that Lexa had responded again. Unfamiliar with concepts of subscriptions, she questioned,  _ What does she do sit at the computer waiting for me to respond? _

Opening the email she read:

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "i write like this because i like it, and also because i'm not writing a story for other people to read. you should hold yourself to a higher standard if you want to be a writer (and just because its fan fiction that's not a good reason to slack off). although heartbreak can change personality I doubt it will change the core of a person, katia was always level headed and most of her decisions were made thinking of the betterment of her people."

The wording irritating the most literal part of their brain. "Um, you are writing for a reader. You're writing for me!" she yelled at the computer screen.

"What are you yelling at?" the teen’s voice came from the front door, as the large lab ran to greet the girl, jumping up and hugging the girl in an adorable dog hug. Octavia kissed the dog’s nose and hugged her back, scratching just under the dog’s collar, who rewarded the teen with a doggy smile.

"The troll!" she called back to her daughter, who had already moved down the hall to her room to drop her duffle bag.

Octavia laughed at the woman's frustration while she retreated to her room. When she returned to the room and approached the table that Clarke was working at, "Momma G, don't feed the trolls," 

"Read this shit," the teacher commander, pushing the laptop towards the girl.

"Wow," she responded as she read. Picking up the remnants of Clark's sandwich, Octavia chewed as she read. "Hey! You stole my line!" she said looking up at the woman that just smirked at the girl.

"I think I am going to correct the paragraph and post it back to them," the woman answered the teen. 

But the girl just shakes her head, "Fuck her, Griffin. Just write the next chapter. You can't feed trolls."

Clarke put on her best pouty face, but knew the girl was right. Closing the laptop, the woman turned to her daughter that held out her favorite Starbucks drink. The drink that Clarke had failed to notice she had entered with. Abandoning the room chilled coffee for the chai tea latte, she hugged the girl that stood along side of her.

“You were right you know?” she whispered into the girl’s stomach. “We didn’t need him.”

Clarke felt as the girl’s arms squeezed her tighter. They embraced for a while, before moving into the living room and Octavia put in  _ Brave _ . Clarke couldn't help but think the teen was telling her that they needed to work on mother daughter communication.

~~~~~

It was later that night that she pumped out the next three chapters, while “Naked and Afraid” played in marathon providing background sounds to the incessant typing. She had received some much needed positive feedback, but she wanted to prove the troll wrong.Octavia fast asleep before she posted, so once again the post went up unedited, not that she would honestly have the teen read through it before she posted.

Snuggling into bed and waited for the ding, but it didn't come. Eventually she fell asleep, with the laptop still open next to her pillow. Woken by the ding at 12:16 am, she saw the message she was waiting for.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "ok, still some ooc, but i'm really starting to enjoy the path a little."

The first genuine smile in the last several days spread over her exhausted face. Her arms shaking in the air, and her legs kicking a little. Nothing short of a wiggle dance in bed. Bare legs tangled in the sheets, she kicked the blanket from the bed as she cried out softly, "Success is mine.”

Glancing back at the screen, she contemplated what to do. Struggling if she should respond like a girl expecting a phone call from a hot something something, or if that would be too desperate. Deciding to respond immediately and be the ridiculous teen, she tried to determine how to respond, feeling that thank you was not enough.

She wanted to poke the troll.

And with tapping fingers, poking is what she did, "Wow! I was expecting a verbal lashing! Thank you." Satisfied with her quippy retort, she tucked the computer away and went back to sleep.

~~~~~

With a mild throbbing in her head, Clarke woke to the high pitched bird screaming outside her window. Groaning and throwing up a middle finger, she pulled herself from the bed and padded on heavy feet to the bathroom. Only grabbing her phone from the thin white cord as she went. Eyes still shut and hands somewhat waving before her to keep from walking into a wall or the dresser. The trekking taking longer than fifteen feet really should, but she made it with a huff and pleasant feeling of released pressure. 

It’s on the toilet that she finally cracks her eyes enough to glare at the overly bright screen. The small red circle with the a one on the email application. Wondering if it’s a response from Lexa the troll, she opens it to find an email from her publisher. 

An email that had her fumbling to wipe and pull up her boxer shorts. Forgetting to wash her hands, as she took off on running feet. Passing through her room, then the living room with the lab close at her heals. Throwing open the door of her daughter’s room, to fly across the ten foot space and land with a thump on the stronger teen. 

A grunt of annoyance coming from the teen, until the woman’s excited voice signals the girl that her adopted mom was waking her with news. Octavia’s arms wrapping around the woman and hugging her with a sleepy grin that was nothing short of prideful. Squealing the whole time, the blonde explained that they wanted a second book. They asked for a series.

Clarke’s excitement calling the girl to get up. Get up so they could celebrate. Celebrate with pedicures and then to lunch. 

~~~~~

While waiting for their food at the cajun seafood restaurant, the next alert from her phone came. Octavia was busy coloring a children’s menu, so Clarke opened the app, and found a new message from Lexa.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "if you want i can figure something to overly critical to say; but i think i already told you my problems with the story, and as of now certain things do click better than the first posting... there's an improvement. also i do like the framing device, i just have some problems with the execution. (happy now?)"

This caused Clarke to laugh. Octavia raised her eyebrows at the sound as the waitress returned to the table, placing their food in front of them. "What's up?" she asked.

Handing the phone to the girl, Octavia read through the messages from Clarke and Lexa. Grinning, she looked to Clarke. "Why are you poking trolls?" she asked, with a gentle hint of amusement.

"I don't think they are a troll. And I just want to prove them wrong and screw with them for being a jerk face earlier," Clarke justified more for herself than the teen, straightening her neck and pushing her shoulders back.

Octavia just shook her head, as she responded, "Sooo what are you going to say?"

Clarke thought for a second and took the phone back from the girl. She typed, "Ha! Aww, there you are! I thought I lost my harshest critic. Welcome back. BTW, I still despise your sentence fragments and run-on sentences. Do you even know how to use the shift button? :)"

Showing it to the girl, she waited for approval. With a snort and nod, Octavia gave it to her as her untwisted the plastic back filled with a half pound of boiled and seasoned crawfish. Clarke’s own bag of crab legs lay unopened until she hit send. Her eyes wandering to the single occupied table by a tall lithe brunette dress casually with intense combat boots laced partially up her legs and eyes focused on the large phone screen. 

Tearing her eyes from the back of the person, she started to break into bag. Chasing away the feelings of familiarity at the lone being behind the brunette across from her. The brunette who was digging into her meal with an eagerness that made warmth spread through her for being able to be this kid’s pseudo mom.

Four crab legs later:  _ Ding! _

Fumbling with the wet wipe, Clarke cleaned her fingers before reading the new email. 

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** "Happy to make your day."

She held the phone to the girl. Octavia answering with an eye roll,  "She's flirting with you, Momma G."

This made Clarke laugh harder. She still didn't even know if Lexa was a she, not that gender mattered to Clarke. She wondered if the stranger’s attention was what she needed after a year of begging for some from Finn.

Having typed, "Touche,” she knew that in that moment she was flirting with the anonymous critic. Octavia just shook her head at the smile plastered to Clarke’s face and the way that the woman was fascinated by the online interaction.

"Can we go see the new Disney flic? Wait, I think it’s a dreamworks production," the girl corrected scrolling through her own phone.

The waitress returned with the check fold that Clarke quickly pushed her Visa debit card within.

"Sure, baby." 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**~Clarke~**

They returned home following the movie and a short run through the nearby outlet mall.. Octavia she had retreated to her room to prepare for the evening, the plans to go to a party with her boyfriend, Lincoln. Clarke was not a fan of her teenage daughter going to high school parties, not after the years the girl spent in various bottles and cans trying to be something other than an abused orphan. 

When Octavia first started going to parties, she snuck out. But after coming home to a teary eyed Clarke that thought the girl had run away, they agreed that Clarke would not ban Octavia from parties so long as the girl did not do any drugs, including pot, and if she chose to drink that she would call Clarke to come get her. There were several drunken pick-ups, but as far as she knew Octavia had kept the promise of no drugs.

While the teen was dalling up, Clarke had dolled down into knee high yoga pants and a loose fitting tank top. Settled at the table with laptop open and busily working on trying to find inspiration from the blinking line on the blank page, the large bulky boy-man, Lincoln walked through the front door. They had an open door policy; however, Clarke did still feel slightly awkward when her former students burst through their door at all hours of the day.

“Hey, Griffin,” he greeted in his soft tone that always caught new people off guard. The gentleness of his being.

“Hey Lincoln,” she answered with a warm smile. The boy coming to pick up her daughter was more of a man. His large dark football frame, made him look menacing. He was sweet and soft with her girl, and Clarke knew she couldn’t asked for a better boyfriend for her daughter.

Octavia came from her room when she heard the two talking. Taking a quick glance from her computer to the girl, Clarke was instantly displeased with the outfit, which covered only the bust and crotch of the girl.

“At least a shirt that meets the shorts, please,” she said to the teen. Octavia looked down at her outfit that showed her generous abdominal muscles.

“But…” the girl began to argue but stopped when she noticed the sternness in the blue eyes burning at her. Clarke never said no unless she meant it. So even though she had framed the statement as request, Octavia knew it was a command.

Grunting in displeasure, the teen moved back down the hall. Leaving Lincoln alone with Clarke. He took a seat next to the teacher, where she shut her laptop to give the boy her full attention.

“How’s life, Linc?” Clarke asked. She met Lincoln the same year as Octavia; however, he had opened up to her far earlier than the girl, coming to what the kids had declared the therapy chair. He came to her with issues concerning his mother, Indra. Clarke knew the woman as a stern army colonel, or something with a title that she couldn’t relay because she was not well-versed in military ranks. The woman wanted her son to legacy after her and his deceased father, but the boy wanted a different life.

Clarke could only hope that his other choice was not due to the teen with long brown hair who declared an ambition to be a motorcycle stunt driver last week. Clarke was still hoping it was only an attempt to get under Finn’s skin, but she had found the vast array of motorcycle magazines stacked around Octavia’s room. Suggesting that it may not be.

“Same shit, different day,” he answered, but as the words left his mouth he looked up wide-eyed at the woman. “Sorry Griffin. I meant same stuff different day.” This caused her to laugh that after six months of dating her daughter and almost three years of knowing that “fuck” was the woman’s favorite word, Lincoln was still afraid to swear in front of her.

Before Clarke could probe further, Octavia reemerged with a pale green top that covered her stomach and bust, but not much more. She sighed in partial defeat and waved the two away.

Octavia kissed Clarke’s head before taking Lincoln hand, who had pushed himself from the chair. He waved silently at Clarke as he led the girl from the house and out to the gloss black F150 parking the circle driveway outside their ranch style home.

Reopening the computer, she pulled out the story plan for the sequel that she had worked on a few weeks ago. Opening the new document, the cursor blinked at her once more. 

The blinking turned to taunting.

The taunting turned to the opening of the fanfiction site.

Opening the fanfiction site turned to two hours of reading through other’s writing.

Finally, after reading the same stories with different authors, she decided it was time to write a chapter for her story, maybe she could get a rise out of Lexa.

~~~~~

The chapter took about two hours. Two hours to get out another 2000 words, but during those hours she added to her plot line for the sequel that would make her money rather than online comments. Feeling a sense of pride, she posted the new chapter without previewing. Her finger pulling back with satisfaction settling over her face. That was until the knock came to from the door, and Autumn barked a the unusual alert.

She checked the phone and it read 9:03 pm. Glancing at the window, Clarke realized how dark the March evening had become and the lack of street lights made it so even if she did look out the front window, she wouldn’t be able to see much. She knew whoever was at the door was not a friend or family because they would have just walked in.

_ Who the hell comes to someone’s house at 9 at night?  _ And Clarke couldn’t help but worry that this maybe the beginning of a horrible murder plot. Single woman. Home alone. With an unlocked door.  _ Yep, definitely the ideal home for a serial killer to strike. _

She pulled a knife from the wooden block next to her, like she would be able to use it if someone attacked her, and approached the door. Looking through the peephole, she was grateful for the porch light on outside, revealing the tanned face of the girl who had locked lips with her former fiancé only five days prior. That was before her teenage daughter sent the man back with a single right hook to his jaw.

Gripping the knife, the blonde threw open the door. Taking a deep breath, she locked eyes with the brunette with nothing but ‘I dare you to fuck with me,’ plastered across her face.

The woman was smiling, until she saw the knife. Then the dark brown orbs grew went wide and she slowly raised her stupidly thin arms up displaying her empty hands in the air. 

Silent tension creating a new wall separating them. Eyes scanning each other. Sizing the other up for who she was. How she played into the grander scene in each’s lives. The silence breaking when the  _ other  _ woman spoke, “Whoa buddy, I am not here to start shit.”

Knife angling towards her, Clarke hissed, “You kissed my fiancé. I’m not your buddy.” Eyes attempting to kill the woman telepathically. But failing. Just like she failed to keep her man pleased. Irritation and inadequacy becoming more that just a feeling but taking over the few growing embers of success. Body heavy, she breathed out the deadly carbon dioxide with the question,  “What the fuck are you doing at my door?”

“I am sorry,” she began. Stopping though with Clarke didn’t move. Didn’t relax, just stood still and stared into the person that Clarke swore couldn’t be older than Octavia, but she threw that idea away because Finn was a youth counselor. He wouldn’t fuck a teenager.

And then the girl was speaking again, “I came to make peace with you. I’m Raven. Raven Reyes.” Hand outstretched in a casual greeting. Well the hand shook a little, but it was connected to an irritatingly thin arm that had Clarke’s upper lip twitching slightly.

Clarke’s eyebrows cinched together in the middle. “I don’t need peace with you. I have no ties to you, next to the fact that we have been sharing the same dick for who knows how long,” she spits out. Particles of saliva flew from her mouth, but sadly did not make it to girl on the doorstep. It’s a shame since Clarke may have gotten some satisfaction from spitting on her then. Instead she just looked like an angry drooling golden retriever.

The woman, Raven, starts to open her mouth, but Clarke holds up her free hand to stop her, “I don’t want to know. I already scheduled my STD test, because who knows where you over been or who else he has been sticking it in.”

Raven leans back some. Head tilted just alittle. “Wow,” Raven responds, as her look of shock spreads in a annoyingly disarming smile. “You have fire.” And then, “I like you more than I thought I would.”

It was Clarke’s turn to look in shock as she expands her gaze to the girl on her porch. Looking for any sign that she may be high, drunk, or tweeking.  _ What the fuck was this woman on? _ she thought.

“Well, I can’t say I feel the same,” she responded rudely back.

The woman’s brown eyes looked hurt and, for a second, a very very tiny second, Clarke felt guilty. A second before the flash of this woman kissing Finn returned to the forefront of her mind.  _ Oh yeah, I hate her. _

**~Raven~**

“I didn’t know about you,” she threw out. The tanned cheeks flushed just slightly at seeing that Clarke was still standing there and had yet to stab her, try to kick her ass, or even slam the door in her face.

When the door didn’t close in her face, Raven continued, “He had an apartment. We went on dates. I thought he was getting ready to propose.”

Raven could see the pale skin taking on a new flush. If Raven had to describe the color red to someone who had never seen it, it would be the way Clarke’s skin heated as the blood rose to the surface. Like she was about to boil internally and explode, which normally would be pretty damn cool for Raven. 

But not now.

Moving backwards just a few steps, she set the knife down on the table and yanked the engagement ring from her finger, and cried out at the girl, “Well he is all yours.” The ring twirled through the air, and to the blonde’s dissatisfaction, Raven caught it one slender tanned hand, as naturally as Octavia would.

Knowing that she needed Clarke to stop the hoe hate and shift her anger to the man if she had a chance, she stammered, “I don’t want him… I left him too… I-“ But Raven was interrupted by the sound of Clarke’s phone playing a loud teeny bopper tune.

Without saying a word, Clarke turned from the door, leaving it open to Raven. The brunette took this as a sign that she was being allowed entrance, and didn’t want to second guess it because she had been on that porch for what felt like forever, and even longer on Clarke’s street, sitting in truck that Raven had borrowed from her boss to get here. She looked around the open space that joined the kitchen, living room and dining room as the blonde answered her phone.

“Hey O, what’s up?”

The brunette first noticed the empty nail heads protruding from the walls over the table where the knife that Clarke had been holding onto only minutes before now lay. After taking in the fact that if Clarke was crazy she never would have stood a chance because that knife was huge and the woman talking behind her was pissed.

Losing interest in her near death experience, Raven focused on the pictures that remained. The pictures were all of the blonde woman and a younger brunette. The kid that five days ago had become real. 

A sigh of displeasure, as the blonde said, “Yes, honey, you can stay over. Please be safe and if you decide to…. Just use a condom okay.” Raven glanced back to see the grimace come across the woman’s face, and then give her a full glance over. She didn’t appear to have the wear and tear of teen mom, and yeah she had the kid but Raven wasn’t privy to the circumstances of the woman’s parenthood.

She looked back at the photos trying to find any family resemblance between the two females, but there was nothing she could identify. No similar bone structure, the kid was dark featured and with tanned skin that contrasted against the pale freckled blonde.

_ Weird _ , she thought. Having come from the streets, the concept of non-related care seemed like something only found in movies.

When Raven turned, she saw the blonde was off the phone glaring at her, while she had been analyzing the family photos. She turned from the photos, assuming that she had offended the woman. But instead of getting yelled at, the blonde just stated, “She’s adopted,” and then added possessively, “Mine, not his.” Raven nodded feeling somehow inadequate in comparison the woman before her. “Clarke.”

“That's a good name,” Raven responded looking at the photo of the girl.

“No, not her. I’m Clarke.” 

Raven looked back at her and smiled. “Oh, right,” she answered, trying to mask her uncertainty with a confident tone. She moved closer towards Clarke, holding her hand out once more. “Nice to meet you, Clarke.”

Clarke looked at her and the hand. She just shook her head, but to Raven’s surprise the blonde started to laugh. “There is nothing nice about this meeting, Raven.”

And Raven realized she was right, joining in the infectious laughter.

Clarke moved to the kitchen and pulled an almost empty bottle of vodka from the freezer and then two shot glasses from the cabinet. Pouring herself a shot, she held the bottle up, pointed to the empty glass and said, “Well, I have no child tonight. So you wanna drink with me? We can celebrate our separation together.”

Raven moved to the granite topped breakfast counter and said, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

**~Clarke~**

The two females were several shots into a second bottle of the crystal burning liquor when her phone dinged. Clarke almost flew over the counter in her drunken clumsiness to retrieve the device. Quickly opening the app, she saw the message was from Lexa.

 

"Yass!" she called out as she opened the email.

> **Lexa left you a comment:** “i don't know what to say cause i enjoyed the chapter but if i'm nice you don't like, and i think it's either you're finding your groove or i'm actually letting my suspension of disbelief work (maybe both). please don't get mad that i couldn't be mean.”

Clarke wiggled on her belly for the second time in twenty-four hours over the cold stone, not caring that the counter was damp with spilt alcohol.

“Yeasss, that'ss wright Lek-sa the Sroll!” she slurred.

Raven looked at her new acquaintance, unsure of what the woman was talking of. “Whosse Leksa the sTroll?” The bruenette inquired, her head rolling slightly.

“She makes mean commenss on my writings, but I wins cus she ssaid ssomethin’ nice. Well kind of,” she responds, tilting her head sideways as she rereads the message.

Raven held out her hand to Clarke, and gestured towards herself, “Lemme… lemme see it.” Once the phone is in her hand, she glances over the message with squinted eyes. “Whas the heel is sus-suspen-on of disbelief?” 

Clarke moved to the laptop and opened it. While she typed in her password, Raven came along side her and put her head on the blonde's shoulder. Clarke hit the "reply to comment" link and began to type her response. Answering, she states, “Dunno. I think she made that sshit up. 

Without waiting for Raven to contribute to the conversation, she typed: “I do appreciate kind comments; it is just ooc from the initial commentary I have received from you, Lexa. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings or have made you hesitant to respond. I honestly was just being a snarky ass. I won't lie the first comment pissed me off when you started talking about my use of the English language, but on the story line, I have tough skin. No sweat. I do appreciate your critique. I feel it helped me "find my groove." That's right I am attributing your like of my story to me and not to your "suspension of disbelief" (whatever the hell that is; I am almost certain that is not an effective English Literary analysis). Who knows maybe you are my platonic Katia and I am your Emma, which in the case of my story makes you a crazy hothead and me mopey and angry. :) Thanks for sticking with me even though you didn't have much hope originally; see you totally are oc Katia!!!! what!”

Raven snorted in her ear, “Damn girl, yous good at them words.”

Clarke laughed and tried to high five the woman but she missed and Raven took the blonde's palm slightly too her face. Clarke rubbed Raven’s cheek kind of roughly repeating sorry and placed a gentle kiss on her nose, which had taken the brunt of the offense.

Raven looked at the blond with darkness taking over her already dark eyes. Clarke had read and written enough fiction to know where Raven's mind was at, even though she also sensed something else there. Something buried like the girl was calculating even her drunken moves..

As the brunette started to lean forward, Clarke turned her head away. Speaking loudly. “I just needs to post it,” she says, obviously changing the subject. Pressing the post button, she then opened up her email again and waited. Waited as the other woman adjusted to provide a little more distance between their bodies. The actions enough to take up the minutes before the mailbox flashed across the screen with a new message from Lexa.

Clarke clicked it open and as she read it silently while Raven read it aloud, “sus-pens-in of disbelief or willin’ sus-pen-son of disbelief is a term coned in 1817 by the poet and aesthetic phil-oma-somthan samuel taylor cool-er-ridge, who suggestad that if a writer could infoose a "human interest and a sambalance of truth" into a fantastic tale, the reader would sus-pen-ed judgment conserning the impausability of the narrative. sus-pen-sin of disbelief often applies to fictional works of the action, comedy, fantasy, and horror genres. cognatave estrangement in fiction involves using a person's ignorence or lack of knowledge to promote sus-pen-sin of disbelief.” Raven paused at the end, turning to Clarke again whose face was equally confused. “What the fuck just happened?” she asked.

Bittery the bluedown cast eyes stated, “I just got schooled.” 

She typed again, “And the score is... Lexa 1: SkyDreamer: 1”

“The score?” Raven asked still closer than Clarke felt comfortable with now that she knew where Raven’s mind was at, but not sure how to push her away.

So, instead she explained, “Well I figure I’s gets a point for her saying something nice, but she getss one for schooling my ass. I should have known that. I am a fucking Englesh teacher,”

Clarke met the brunette’s eyes again, that were looking at her warmly but clearly drunk. “I can’t do this, Raven,” she stated, pulling away from the woman.

The tanned girl stumbled to find the words, tumbling out with, “I’m sorry, Clarke… I didn’t mean to… you know. I don’t even know what got into me.”

Glancing up at the ceiling, she reached for the bottle and took another gulp of raging burn. Her eyes shut, she contemplated what to tell the woman, “Look if you kissing Finn hadn’t just torn my world apart... and I had been single. I would kiss you,” Clarke confessed, knowing that the truth was falling from her lips because Raven was attractive and funny, and she could see why Finn would be interested in her. And the understanding felt like a dagger was being pushed through her sternum. “But you did kiss Finn… And I did lose the life I had been planning. Another parent for my kid.” Then carefully, “She hated him. She would be pissed if you were here. Tell me I am just like her mother. Always looking for someone to warm my bed...and it hurts.” 

“If ti was someone else she would be angry, but... I just can’t do that with you,” the blonde explained in sobering clarity.

“No worries, Clark-ey.” Raven paused for a second, trying to lighten the mood that she had just darkened, “but you do, you know, like girls?”

Clarke smiled softly, a flush crawling up her neck. Chuckling softly, she replied, “Oh yeah. There is nothing like a set of soft lips moving from my lips to … my lips.”

A seductive grin pulling up the corner of her lip. Clarke knowing that she just gave Raven hope. An uncomfortable hope that was wrong sense she was still not convinced the woman was much older than her daughter and equally heartbroken over the dick that was their partner.

“So, who is Lexa the Troll?” Ravens asked with a knowing smirk. But Clark just shrugged. She didn’t know who Lexa was, but she definitely enjoyed their daily banter.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**~Clarke~**

The arms around her were warm. Clarke could feel the soft breath tickling her neck and the sensation calmed and excited her. She didn’t move, just enjoyed his arms around her. He hadn’t been there in what felt like months, so she leaned farther into the figure, pressing her ass into the form to try and get a rise.

_Falling_

_Falling_

_Thump!_  

Pain radiated through her left arm and hip bone as she hit the carpet. “Ow! What the fuck?!” she screamed, but the sound immediately echoed through her head in a very painful way. Eyes opening wide to see the aqua eyed teen standing over her, black crochet Tom pressing down on the reclining foot of the couch.

“What the hell?” another female voice groaned groggily from the couch above Clarke.

“How are you cuddling with her!” the furious teen accused in an octave that caused another sharp pain to surge through the blonde’s skull.

Holding one hand to her head and the other up to the girl, Clarke begged softly, “Please, O. Too loud, k?”

“What is going on, Griffin,” the girl rephrased slightly quieter, but not enough to keep the pain from returning. Clarke squinted up at the girl, who had dropped the Momma before her last name to lash out at her. She hated when Octavia did that, and she knew why she did it; but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Let’s try whispering, please. And nothing is going on,” Clarke said softly. “She came to apologize and we had a few drinks…” she explanation trailing off.

The girl scoffed, and pointed over to the counter saying louder than a whisper intentionally, “A few? There are two empty bottles of vodka on the table and you were just moaning into that bitch’s arms.”

“Hey!” Raven called back too loudly, and pushed up from the couch. Clarke could tell that being called bitch was clearly a trigger for Raven.

“WHISPERS PEOPLE!” Clarke yelled, holding her hands over her ears. After a minute, she went back to Octavia, “I was not moaning into her. I thought she was…”

She didn’t continue, but Raven struck her head over the edge of the couch, “Oh you were moaning and I was concerned that you were going to sleep rape me.”

Clarke shot an angry glare up at Raven, and stated “Stop.” She stare a clear warning to the girl on the couch that just smiled back at her.

The smile was evident that Raven was not going to stop, instead she pushed a little farther saying, “I mean damn who can resist that sexy ass begging for more. You pressed into me, and I was like freakin' eh this hot.”

“LA LA LA LA LA,” Octavia sang out putting her fingers in her ears. Clarke too covered her ears, and pushed up to her knees, furious with the girl that she had apparently slept with on the couch.

_Fuck! Did we? No. I would remember that. Wouldn’t I?_

Turning her attention back to Raven, she saw the girl smiling, clearly enjoying getting under her daughters skin for calling her a bitch. “Enough, Raven. We talked about this,” Clarke said exasperatedly, but wondered what she was still irked that she couldn’t recall how she ended up being the little spoon to Raven’s big spoon.

As though Raven could hear her thoughts, she leaned down close to Clarke and whispered, “Don’t worry, Princess. We were good, well actually we were both emotional and cried a lot.”

 _Makes sense,_ Clarke thought.

Pulling herself up, Clarke found her phone. 11:15. Checking her email first, she was sad to see there was not a new comment.

“Well it’s Wednesday,” Octavia says at last, having taken a seat next on the other full couch, still keeping an eye on the darker girl laid out across from her.

Clarke waved towards the kitchen, and answered Octavia unasked question, “List is on the fridge. Keys are in my purse. Take my card too.”

The girl  gave Raven one more glance over and then an irritated scowl to Clarke, moving toward the kitchen. Pausing at the door, she met Clarke’s eyes and the mom could see the irritation buried in her girl’s gaze, before she left the two women in the living room.

“What’s special about Wednesdays?” Raven asked, not caring that Clarke’s daughter had found them cuddling on a couch not even a week after she had punched out their mutual boyfriend. Octavia was a born protector and Clarke knew that she saw Raven being here as a threat.

Clarke glances back that the girl on her couch. She stated, “Family pizza night.” Pulling up the fan fiction site in her phone browser, seeing it maybe the notification had not come through on email yet.

“Wow, you are like Mom of the Year,” Raven said, causing Clarke’s heart jumped a little and her thoughts moved back to wondering what hadn’t been enough for him.

“Well its more of a tradition that my father started before he died,” Clarke explained. “Every Wednesday the house was open to friends and family, and he would make pizza as we sat around the table and just talked about our lives, the world, and anything else. When I got Octavia, it just seemed necessary to start the tradition up again so I could get to know her friends.”

Clarke pushed herself up to sit on the couch, and felt Raven’s hands pulling her back into the little spoon. Clarke wanted to fight it, but she needed the embrace.

She felt the girl’s whisper near her ear, “I am not better than you, Clarke. I am inferior in many ways. He played us and he for sure didn’t deserve you, Princess.”

Clarke absorbed her words, and considered if she could be telling the truth. This was the girl that had been dating her fiancé. Choosing not to think of that at the moment, though, she redirected the conversation, “Where did princess come from?”

Raven squeezed her tighter, burrowing her face into the frizzy blond waves. “You told me about your students calling you Queen Griffin and you said that it made you feel old. So, princess just fit.”

Clarke smiled a little and then pulled out of the woman’s arms, and began to move towards her bedroom, stopping at the doorway and looking back.

“Well, you are welcome to come tonight. We run an open door policy. Just don’t ring the doorbell or knock. It’s just weird.”

 

* * *

 

Raven had opted not to return to wherever she came from. Clarke found it slightly odd, but she got caught up in all that needed to do to get the house ready for the evenings festivities. Once Raven had showered and raided Clarke’s closet for a clean outfit, she helped clean the house some, since Autumn’s dark hair mixed with Orion’s light strands had accumulated in the corners, under the couches, and tables. They were not the only two animals in the house, for Clarke and Octavia acquired a domestic zoo of animals through their futile attempt to save homeless and wounded animals.

 At five people began to arrive, and Octavia had mellowed to Raven’s presence some. They had stepped outside and had some form of conversation that ended with them coming into house laughing and play fighting as thought Raven was barely older than the girl.  

The mix was interesting as the arrivals formulated both students and teachers from the school. All sat around the farmhouse table that Clarke had insisted on purchasing for just these nights. When the tradition had begun, the first nights were slightly awkward, teachers in the living room, teens at the table, but gradually the integration had occurred and now it just worked.

Clarke stood in the kitchen rolling out dough for the forth pizza of the night listening to the various conversations, when the door opened and Jasper came in with a new face.

“Hey Jordan!” Clarke called out. She wiped her floured hands on the old Starbucks apron with “Clarke” embroidered above the logo. She walked over to the Chemistry teacher and pulled him into a hug.

“Hey Griffin,” he said pulling the blonde into a quick embrace before stepping back. “This is Trikru. Teaches political science and government, but hasn’t had chance to meet many people, even though its been like seriously all year.” Clarke could see the leaned femine figure, with long thick brown curls pulled away from the tanned face, taking in the house and the various aged people in room. Trikru stood uncomfortably straight, and Clarke wondered if it was the company that put the teacher on edge.

“Hi, welcome to family pizza night. Jordan explained that my kid is a student at the school?” Clarke asked moving to give the teacher a welcoming hug, but stopped when the stoic brunette in front of her made no such welcoming motion.

“Yes,” was the only response, as a single hand was extended to Clarke.

Clarke took the hand in both her own and shook it warmly. Smiling at the gorgeous face before her, she said “I am glad you could join us, then.”

Clarke heard Octavia call out giggling,“So Momma G, have you heard from Lexa the Troll today?” She had obviously been telling the others about her battle against the commenter.

When she looked back at the new comer, she saw the green eyes had grown wide but as they met the blonde’s eyes. The look of bewilderment returned to a cold stoic glare. The green harshness was stunning and Clarke swallowed harshly before clearing her throat.

She spoke to Trikru loudly so that the teens knew to make room, “Pull up a chair anywhere you're comfortable. I will warn you though; you have to grab the slices you want, because no one waits on anyone. And the boys will eat it all if you give them a chance.” She could hear the chairs moving against the tile floor as they adjusted for the new addition.

Clarke returned to the kitchen and resumed rolling out the dough, when she saw that Trikru moved from the entry way to the open seat that the kids had made.

She stated, “Actually we had a battle last night. But the troll completely schooled me.”

Some at the table looked slightly confused, so Octavia filled the table in. “So Momma G writes for this fan fiction site. And she has been having this commentary battle online with one of her readers. I am sure the person is a troll, but Momma G feels the need to poke at her consistently. The funny thing is how excited she gets when ever the damn email dings.”

“She dove for that ding last night,” Raven supplied, mouth half full of pizza and both hands holding onto uneaten slices.

“Shut up both of you!” Clarke yelled from across the counter, shaking her sauce covered wooden spoon at the two girls that had obviously figured out a way to get along. “You cannot just tell everyone that!”

“So what did she say last night?” Octavia asked, all heads turning to Clarke.

“Just something about not hating me so much,” Clarke said innocently, with a subtle smile playing at her lips.

“Ha! No way, Princess,” Raven responded. “She totally got this backwards compliment and when she responded Lexa the Troll totally schooled her.”

Coughing interrupted the conversation, and Clarke felt the gaze shift from her to the new comer at the head of the table. Trikru sat frozen with a hand over mouth, trying to get their composure.

The stoic brunette looked to Clarke, “May I have glass of water?”

“Oh yeah, of course,” Clarke said turning to the cabinet and retrieving a glass. Putting the glass to the water dispenser, she heard the new comer approaching. When she turned, she hadn’t realized how close the teacher had gotten. Clarke jumped slightly, as Trikru took the glass from the blonde before she wore it.

 

“Thank you, Ms. Griffin,” Trikru said formally. Clarke inhaled the musky scent of cologne and admired the teacher’s bold taste in clothing, having worn skinny jeans, a button up and suspenders. Taking in the flawless tanned complexion of Trikru’s face, Clarke swallowed harshly again.

“You’re… You’re welcome,” Clarke stammered slightly. Watching as the long fingered hand raised the glass to plump pink lips. Clarke was transfixed on the subtle parting of the lips and way the water moved down Trikru’s throat slowly with each gulp of water. It was the removal of the glass that broke Clarke gaze.

“Mr. Jordan tells me that you are engaged. How is planning the wedding proceeding?” Trikru asked, emerald eyes staring into Clarke’s, making the woman feel like she may need a excuse herself to the bathroom to change her chonies.

Clarke’s eyes dropped though when she processed what Trikru had asked. She realized that no one in the room knew that she was no longer getting married, unless Octavia had told them because she had been hiding out since everything with Finn had fallen though.

“Um, they are not. We actually are no longer together,” she answered softly, hoping not to draw any attention from the rowdy group around the table.

“Oh,” was the shocked, yet quiet response. Placing a soft hand on the Clarke’s arm, the voice added, “I am sorry. I did not know.” Clarke couldn't help but feel the warmth radiating from the touch.

“It was like a week ago,” she says quietly. “I just haven’t had the chance to-“

The hand squeezed her forearm softly, “It’s ok. No need to explain.” Trikru turned away from Clarke. Speaking softly only once more before returning to the table, "He lost a treasure."

Clarke watched Trikru’s ass walk towards the group, but turned away to gather her emotions when she noticed Octavia watching her.

 _I got to get it together,_ she thought. _Now is not the time._

Fighting to keep back the tears, she felt a set of arms embrace her shoulders and could smell the sandalwood and vanilla that was Octavia.

“You ok, Momma G?” the girl whispered into her adoptive mom’s blonde locks.

“Yeah, honey. I am fine,” she answers taking a deep breathe.

“So, Trikru, she’s hot,” Octavia responds quietly, looking at her adoptive mom with questioning eyes. “Maybe you could use a distraction that did not sleep with Finn, too?”

“O!” the woman responds, pulling the girl around her into a large hug. “I am not ready for that... But damn.”

And the mother and daughter shared a knowing look of appreciation for the attractive political science teacher posted at the table. Octavia laughed and hugged Clarke once more before returning to her own spot on Lincoln’s lap.

When the embrace ended, Clarke went back to making pizzas, checking her phone occasionally to see if she had gotten a message from Lexa. The night proceeded, and she felt a few times as though she was being watched, but she looked amongst her guests and could not find staring eyes on her.

A few times she caught Trikru looking away from her, but never eyes on her. She couldn't help but appreciate the beauty of the teacher. Carmel curls that were kept from blocking the face in an intricate braided pattern. The teacher was someone that normally Clarke would pursue, because Clarke had never been afraid of going after something she wanted, but she knew, _I am not ready._

 

* * *

 

It was 1 am, when Clarke was able to post the next several chapters. After Raven had taken up space in the spare bedroom, claiming to be too exhausted to leave, and Octavia retreated to her bedroom to watch another Disney movie. She sat up in the king sized bed, with Orion curled up at her feet. After she posted, she pushed away the laptop and focused her attention on her iPad instead. She didn’t have to wait long before her phone and iPad dinged in unison, announcing an email received.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “katelyn pissed me off, but she does that in the show too so i guess she's in character? i feel sorry for the guy that katia's going to kill, but kinda glad that mary sue is dying. that's all, i don't have more to say... that's all the mean i can be right now. sorry, promise to be more mean next chapter if you want.”

Clarke smiled having received a message form Lexa, and clicks the link to respond. _Why does this make me so happy?_ she wonders, but she quickly types out a response.

 She typed: "Hey Meanie (or the OC Katia), I feel sorry for him too. Maybe Emma will find her hero again and save his ass. Who knows? You know, you saying that makes me want to make Dana live that much more just to prove to you she is not a "mary sue" (which one of my more fan fix savvy students explained to me today, so now I actually know what you mean). Bring it! I got this. :) Just don't make me cry.”

After hitting post, she pulled up Hulu on her iPad. She lay on her back holding the iPad on her chest as an episode of Grimm began to play when the sound dimmed. Then the sound resumed to the show.

Changing apps to email, she read:

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “well in our history together you already made me like parts of your story, so i hope you also make me change my mind about her. i didn't like red in this chapter. sorry, doubt i can be more mean than this going forward cause you're starting to grow on me.”

Clarke threw her arms in the air in success. And the iPad fell downward, connecting with Clarke’s nose, and then her forehead before she could catch it.

“Damn it,” she exhaled. Rubbing her nose, as she plotted her response.

She typed: “And the score changes to: Lexa 1 GriffinC 2. Success is mine!!!!”

_Ding!_

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “Happy to make your day.”

She typed: “It’s night : )”

 _Poke the troll_ , she thought.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “a day is a unit of time. in common usage, it is an interval equal to 24 hours. it also can mean the consecutive period of time during which the sun is above the horizon of a location, also known as daytime.”

“Ha! Bait taken!” Clarke talks to the screen, as though it would answer her.

She types: “Dearest Dictionary.com or Wikipedia (I shall let you decide which is more appropriate OC Regina), I am familiar with the various meanings of the term. I opted to read your statement in reference to the connotation of day as being a time when the sun is showing on the particular geographical region I was residing when I read your original comment. Obviously, this response was to elicit a defensive reaction on your part, therefore, would cause you to create an automated dictionary recitation. Either way, I was correct in both accounts: my analysis of your response coming during the evening, as well as, your desire correct me by regurgitating the dictionary to me. Bringing the score to: Lexa: 1 GriffinC: 4"

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “You're lovely, glad to see you wining.”
> 
> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “and it was wikipedia.”

_Wow, two messages. They are flirting with me_ , Clarke thinks as the smile spreads across her face.

She types: “Hmmm. Curiouser and curiouser. I feel like this may be a test that my cynicism is going to cause me to fail. But I have an amazing idea for a new story that will drive you crazy! :)”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “can you share what it is? i guess its better than you deciding what i should feel.”

She types: “Oh OC Katia, It will be coming soon. I may even start it tonight. You are correct I know nothing about you. No gender. No age. No race. No nationality.. However, from our week long relationship I feel that you will have many snarky comments possibly angry comments to shoot at me.”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “genderqueer. 27. really complicated race mix of georgian (the country not the state), russian, iroquois and hispanic. american i guess would be the correct one if you take birth. i guess we will see, i might start to being nice just to screw with you.”

“Gotcha,” Clarke says. _Time to poke some more._

She types: “You're already being nice, Lexi.” Post.

Then adds, “Thanks for the description, btw. Though queer is not a gender, rather a sexuality identification. Go head, Wikipedia that shit! ;)”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “Genderqueer is also a way of calling someone who identifies as non-binary or not belonging to either gender (and that was a little disrespectful on your part). But if you want wikipedia: Genderqueer (GQ; alternatively non-binary) is a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine—identities which are thus outside of the gender binary and cisnormativity.”

“Fuck!” Clarke rubs her eyes; the glare from the iPad mixed with lack of sleep has caused them to phase in an out slightly.

She types: “Lexa 2 GriffinC 3 (I lose a point for being an ass)”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “sorry, i know how much you like points and wining.”

She types “I'm still winning.”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “congratulations!”

Clarke lays there for a minute. Glancing at the time: 2:15am. _So fucking tired._

She types: “Story will have to wait until tomorrow. Lo siento.”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “no hay problema, soy paciente y puedo esperar. cuidate.”

“What the fuck? I don’t speak Spanish,” she growls at the screen.

Opening safari, she types into the Google search engine: Spanish translator. She copy and pastes the message into translate. “No problem, I am patient and can wait.” This makes the blonde smile.

_Ding!_

‘I didn’t even respond yet.’

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “Could you stop calling me Katia please? I have nothing against the name but I think you're using it in an disrespectful way and I don't like that.”

Clarke dropped a little.

_I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. Shit not her. How do I navigate that?_

She types: “Yes, I will. But for the record, it was being used as a term of endearment. I told you day one I loved Katia. I see her stoic yet caring qualities in your posts. :) but never again, Lexa.”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “My mistake then, give yourself a point.”

She shakes her head. Rubbing her eyes, she rolls over onto her belly and types out another response.

She types: “I don't get points for hurting your feelings or making you feel disrespected. I get points when you like something I said. You get them for proving me wrong. Come on keep up with the point system rules.”

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “You deserve it.”

She types: “There has to be a better way of communicating than this. Maybe email?”

She lays there waiting for the next ding. But it doesn’t come. She refreshed the comments section, but nothing.

Feeling irrational for being so invest, Clarke pushed the iPad away. Pulling the pillows around her, she closed her eyes. As she crossed the bridge into unconsciousness she thought of Trikru and the way the pink lips took in the water. The green stoic eyes.

_Damn, I must just be horney._

She moved to her back, sliding her hand into her panties, finding her labia slick with desire. Rubbing gently the tip of her hooded clit, she thought of thought of Trikru's lips on hers. The warm slender hands twisting her nipple, as she twisted it herself. The image of the green eyes staring down at her, as Trikru would press her into the bed, punishing her cunt. And that image took her over the edge.

Clarke shook her head after the muscles in her body relaxed.

_My brain is fucked up._


	5. Chapter 5

**~Lexa~**

It was a week later that the brunette teacher stood outside the Griffin’s door. Lexa was early; not one to tolerate tardiness, and the last time riding with Jasper left Lexa feeling trapped unable to leave when realizing that the blonde English teacher was the person they had been communicating with nightly.

Lexa had brought a salad, noticing last time that the table consisted entirely of pizza and soda. As Lexa moved to push the doorbell, a voice from behind stopped them. 

“Don’t ring the bell,” it stated. Turning to see a large bulky boy that the host’s daughter had been haning on coming up the driveway. He removed the large bowl from Lexa’s hands and smiled.

“Sorry Ms. Trikru, they just don’t like the bell or knocking. Griffin calls it an open door policy,” he explained.

“Thank you, but please just Trikru is fine,” Lexa said, offering a slight smile to the boy that stood at least a foot taller than her, and was sheer a sheer block of rippling muscle.

“Oh, I’m Lincoln. I’ll be in your class next year when I am a senior,” he said extending a hand out, which Lexa took and shook professionally.

As they prepared to enter they heard music begin to boom through the door. The boy laughed as their eyes grew wide.

“You’re in for treat,” he says chuckling. “If we’re quiet, we get a rare dance off to ‘Call me Maybe’.”

Lexa watched as the boy opens the door gradually, and they both took a few steps into the entry way.

The sight took Lexa’s breath away, watching as the blonde slide across the tile floor in a pair of mismatched socks. The voice from the blonde matched the tones of the song, making it not unpleasant to hear of watch.

“Hey! I just met you and it this is crazy… but here’s my number. So call me maybe…” the teen and mom stood in the large living room. Lexa watched as the teen jumped up on the couch, bouncing up and down as she threw her arms in the air, and her dark hair flew up around her with each jump.

The blonde moved with the beat, as she stepped up onto the dense wooden coffee table, before the couch. Lexa snorted slightly as the females were obviously singing the song to each other, “Before you came in to life, I missed you so bad!”

Lexa watched as Clarke did jumping twirls on the coffee table, while Octavia pointed to her adoptive mom. The sight was warm and filled with love for each other. The way a mother and daughter should care for one another. To say the least, they were entranced by the two and the desire to partake overwhelmed them, because dancing to Call me Maybe was not something that they ever considered something that would be plausible.

The moment was ruined though, when the girl spotted the two onlookers at the door way.

“Lincoln, you dick!” she yelled.

Lexa watched as the blonde halted her twirls only to lock eyes with them in her doorway momentarily before she slipped from the table with an ungraceful thump on the ground.

“Fuck!” the blonde groaned, face red as she pulled herself up to a seat position.

Octavia jumped the couch and moving like a hurricane toward the boy next to them. Punching him in the arm hard as she approached, she yelled in a volume that was no way necessary for the cavernous great room, “You could have killed my mom, you douche! She’s old. That could have broken her hip or something!”

She hit him again.

“Not helping, Octavia!” the blonde said from living room, as she drug herself to her feet. She took in the two in the entryway, smiling at her guests. “Well, that was fun,” she said cheeks still flushed.

“It was awesome,” the boy stated, trying to dodge the abusive girl that was pummeling his bulky arms.

 _Say something,_ Lexa pleaded internally. _Anything._ But nothing came.

Clarke spoke again, “Trikru, it is so great to see you again!” moving to embrace them but for the second time Lexa held a hand out to the blonde. This time the blonde just laughed though and grabbed the hand with one hand pulling Lexa into an embrace with the other. Inhaling the coconut scent radiating from her blonde waves, Lexa felt their knees weaken slight and their back arch into the embrace.

They felt her warm breath as she stated with a slight giggle, “You just watched me table dance. You are required to hug me from here on out.”

Just as Lexa was about to respond, Octavia interrupted.

“Why did you bring salad, Lincoln?” the teen asked incredously.

Finally Lexa found that this time to use one’s voice, and they said, “I did. I noticed that the only thing you had was pizza and I wanted to contribute to dinner.”

“That is amazing! We always need more vegetables,” Clarke responds pushing the bowl into Octavia’s hands, who takes it but holds it out from her like a dirty diaper. “Ignore the daughter, she thinks anything green is poison.”

“The news said that lettuce can carry salmonella,” Octavia retorts, moving to the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, as does chicken but that didn’t stop you from eating a twenty pack of chicken nuggets last night,” the blonde quips back, raising one eyebrow at the teen.

“Frying things, makes them instantly safe,” the girl replies, before sticking her tongue out at the blonde.

With a snorted _ha,_ Lexa states, “until you die of cardiac arrest.” Clarke looks up with sparkling blue eyes, and the look makes a smile broadly spread across Lexa's face. _How does she do that?_

 

* * *

Half-hour later the kitchen table is bursting at the seams just as the time before. Lexa finds presence at the table awkward as well as the unfamiliarity with the teens, as they are all juniors or sophomores, and most of the teachers are spread equidistance from each other amongst the teens.

Lexa located the most comfortable place in the kitchen separated from the rest by the kitchen island. But more importantly, this is where Clarke had spent the entire evening last time and Lexa wanted to be near the woman.

“Hey Clarke,” the girl named Raven called from the table. Lexa still hadn’t figured out how she played into family dinner night because they didn’t recognize her from campus, and her mannerism suggested her too old to be a student. She was also the only one to use the blonde’s first name meaning she was an outside friend, maybe.

“Sup, Raven,” the blonde called as she spread the homemade pizza sauce over the dough that she had just rolled out.

 _The woman is like a pizza making machine,_ Lexa thought.

“You heard from Lek-sa the Troll?” Raven had intentionally played on the annunciation, but the added terminology burned in Lexa briefly. Lexa hadn’t responded to Clarke since the blonde had asked for her email.

Lexa watched as the blonde’s face fell alittle, “No, I think I scared my commenter away.”

“Momma G, You can’t scare away a troll. She just stopped getting a rise out of you so she bailed,” Octavia explained.

“It’s dumb. I know,” Clarke responds. “But I think I offended Lexa. And I am pretty sure said person is not a troll.”

“What’s with the lack of pronouns?” another teen asked, that Lexa could not remember the name of.

“Well, Lexa explained that she, I mean they, are genderqueer. I had never heard of that distinction before. So, I was rude at first,” Clarke responded. And Lexa began to feel bad. That wasn’t the reason, Clarke had not received a response. Lexa had wanted the woman to look at the person standing before her, not the computer screen.

“Hey, I have heard of that. There is this person that I grew up with that came out as genderqueer a while ago. We had played together as boys but when they decided to share their state of being, it's not like we could say no dude. It is hard to talk without pronouns at first and now we know to just use they, but it gets easier,” Lincoln explained.

Lexa breathed out harshly, causing Clarke to look over at them.

The woman’s eyes asked if she had done something wrong, but Lexa didn't know how to approach the subject without letting Clarke know the real person before her. That was just too scary. Lexa just looked at her, eyes cold watching as the blonde approached.

“Hey, did I say something to offend you?” Clarke asked quietly, hoping not to draw attention from the others.

“No, just thinking about something I need to do tonight,” Lexa responded. Noticing flour streaked across the woman’s jaw line, Lexa added, “You have flour on her face, mind?” and they held up their hand.

When the blonde nodded, they gently graze their fingers across the woman’s jaw. What was unanticipated was the way that Clarke had allowed her face to slightly fallen into their caress.

“Um, Griffin,” the teacher said softly, hand still cupping her face.

Clarke’s eyes grew wide and she quickly pulled away “Oh, sorry. I’m kind of awkward sometimes,” she tried to explain.

Returning to the pizza, Lexa found it impossible to remain the distance away from the blonde. Fighting urges to grab the woman and pull her into a deep kiss, Lexa settled with assisting the application of toppings.

 

* * *

The night ended too early for Lexa. Struggling with an inability to make a move, Lexa went home and logged into the computer within the small office of the barren apartment.

Not knowing how to really respond, Lexa went into the google and created a new email account. This was the most complicated part, creating a username that would not give away their true identity but at the same point suggest to Clarke that Lexa was a real person and not just an online hater.

Settling with Lexa_T@gmail.com, Lexa posted the email in a comment on the latest chapter of Clarke’s story.

It was only minutes after that Lexa received an email from Clarke. 

> From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: Where have you been?
> 
> Dearest Lexi,
> 
> Why haven’t you responded to me in a week? Did I offend you? I don’t want you to give up on me.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Clarke

  _I don’t want you to give up on me_. The words echoed in Lexa’s skull as though the vibrations would cause clarity.

Lexa inhaled deeply. No, Clarke hadn’t been offensive. In fact, Lexa had seen how careful the woman had been tonight in the discussion. It was as though the woman wanted advice from the make shift family on how to proceed.

And even the kids had demonstrated their openness to difference, which made Lexa feel the possibility of being open to them as well. But Clarke was beautiful, and after Lexa has witnessed the unfiltered version of the woman gracefully moving over the table in duet with the girl had only warmed the frigid heart within even more.

Carefully, they typed out the response.

> To: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: Re: Where have you been?
> 
> hello griffin,
> 
> i have not responded because it has been brought to my attention that we share mutual people in our lives. i am interested in meeting with you; however, i am also being overly cautious.
> 
> i have stayed abreast with your story, and still feel that i disagree with your presentation of Katia often; however, you are a gifted writer. i would also like to say that i believe you are a sort of lovely person. please, understand i am not stalking you in any way. if that is how you feel i will gladly leave you be. i have not given up on you. i am afraid though that maybe you should give up on me. i don’t know if i am who you need right now.
> 
> sincerely,
> 
> lexa

Pressing send, Lexa cannot help but hope that Clarke will respond positively. Lexa wanted to know the woman that opened her door to all and held enough spirit to dance on a table uninhibited.

The corner of the computer screen announced new mail, and Lexa quickly opened it.

> From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: Re: Re: Where have you been?
> 
> We know each other? Why didn’t you tell me when you found out about this ‘mutual acquaintance’? We should meet for coffee. Do you know where the Starbucks is on Peoria and 59th Ave? Let’s meet there Saturday, at say 12.
> 
> Also, I guess said mutual friend told you how dorkishly excited I get whenever I get your messages? I am not giving up on you. You can be however you want. Except a serial killer. Please don’t be a serial killer.
> 
> Clarke
> 
> P.S. Capitalize the first word of a sentence and the word “I” always! Seriously you are damaging my brain with the no capital letters thing. You just need to hold down shift and then hit the letter. I am beginning to think you do this on purpose.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

Lexa wonders how this meeting could possibly go. “Hey, I have been to your house twice and stared at you for like two complete nights. And I know I you get excited about the textual version of me. I am sooo stupid!” Lexa yells to no one.

 Lexa types and retypes. Types and deletes again. The cursor blinking.

_Blinking._

_Blinking._

Finally, Lexa types and pushes send before taking a a chance to read what was written.

> From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: _Do I know you?_
> 
> clarke,
> 
> i will be at the starbucks at noon on saturday. i am unsure what this meeting will accomplish but i will be there to see your lovely self.
> 
> lexa

Five minutes of waiting and the notification flashes again.

> From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Where have you been?
> 
> Lexa,
> 
> Names. Names are capitalized as well. Especially my name. I will see you then. As for what this will accomplish, well you know who I am. So now I get to know who you are. Fair is fair.
> 
> Clarke

Lexa closed the laptop and moved to their bedroom. Looking around the room, Lexa wondered what it would be like to living a place as warm and full of energy as the Griffin’s house. Waking up to Clarke’s tousled blonde hair. They wondered if she smiled in the morning or pouted about having to get up.

The touch had lit a wanting with Lexa’s body that had been so tense for so long. What if Clarke was not able to handle being with someone that is genderqueer. The woman had led a straight life until a few minutes ago. But the way Clarke looked at them. There had to be more than just kindness there. Lexa knew wanting eyes, and recognized the blown pupils that had taken over the blue eyes earlier that evening. And Clarke had nearly fell into Lexa’s touch, that sent a warmth rush up their torso.

Lexa spent the soundless night analyzing every interaction between Clarke and the way she positioned herself within the people that just entered her home at will. Could Lexa live in a place where anyone could walk in at any time?

 _Stop dreaming foolishness,_ the voice within said coldly. But Lexa’s brain did not stop and the next morning would be rough as the body was pulled from sleep by the blaring alarm clock.


	6. Chapter 6

**~Clarke~**

Thursday morning came too early for Clarke. She was woken before her alarm had a chance to go off by Octavia searching for a clean pair of knee high Nike socks. The girl had rushed into the master bedroom to dig through a large pile of clean laundry that Clarke had folded the night before.

“Hey tornado, I just folded those,” Clarke yelled pulling the blankets up over her head.

“I need my socks,’ the girl said impatiently.

“You have tons of socks. You are not sock poor,” the woman argues, voice slightly muffled from blanket held over her head.

“They are my lucky socks, and today we are playing the Mountaineers. I NEED THOSE SOCKS!” she explicates as she dumps the basket of folded laundry on top of Clarke.

“Are you serious!” Clarke yelled, throwing the blankets from her head and bolting upright ready to kill the obnoxious teen. “You will be refolding and putting away every piece of the laundry. That took me an hour.”

Octavia’s eyes grew wide, having been so focused on her socks she didn’t realize the consequences of her actions. Clarke could tell the girl felt guilty but it didn’t change her frustration with the actions. Taking a deep breath, “Which socks are we looking for?”

The girl looked down and then back up at the woman, her eyes slightly glassy, “I’m sorry, Momma G. I didn’t mean to-“

“I know, kid,” Clarke responded, now feeling bad for snapping at the girl. “Which ones, babe. We’ll find them.”

“The black ones, with the swoosh in the front. They have orange threading on the left toe where I sewed it back together,” the girls said crawling into the bed to hug the blonde.

“I’m sorry for snapping, but did you seriously wake me up to find a sock that you sewed back together. I am pretty sure, I bought those in a pack,” but the girl looked up with big eyes and a pouty lip. “Okay, okay. Go finish getting ready, I’ll find the freakin’ socks.”

Fifteen minutes later, the socks were located in the sock drawer within Octavia’s room. The blonde threw them at the teen, who was sitting at the table reading _Moby Dick._ The socks hit the girl in the head and plopped into the cereal bowl, splashing milk from the edges up onto the pages.

“Seriously!” she snapped.

Clarke laughed, pulling her blond hair up into a messing bun. “Yes, seriously. They were in that drawer where I put your socks. You know when I clean them.”

Octavia’s face slightly reddens. “Oh, I didn’t think to look there.”

Clarke smacked her palm to her head.

 

**~Lexa~**

Lexa sat at a large wooden table with several other teachers from the history department. Each was explaining the plan for the remaining two months before finals, and what they expected may not get covered. The room was lifeless, as were the teachers within. Each held themselves high in their seats, and spoke formally to one another. The group was interrupted when Octavia and another girl bounced into the room, wearing matching uniforms. One held a bucket, the other roll of tickets. Both girls froze some when they saw they had interrupted the meeting.

“I am sorry to interrupt,” the young Griffin began. “We are selling 50/50 raffle tickets to help pay for the travel expenses to the state tournament. Would any of you be interested?”

No one spoke. All eyes just glared into the girls, whose smiles slowly began to recede.

“Um, okay. Well thanks for your time,” Octavia said looking at Lexa with pleading eyes. Lexa wanted to remain stoic like the rest of the department, but a desire for the girl’s approval was more influential.

“I’ll take a few,” Lexa said, as the girls had turned to leave.

Octavia turned back and almost ran towards the front of the room, following Lexa to the desk at the front of the room.

“What the deal, Octavia?” Lexa asked, knowing that there was always a catch to get someone to buy more tickets.

“1 for a buck or 6 for five,” the girl responded with a broad smile of success plastered across her face.

Lexa’s pulled the wallet from the top drawer of their and looked back to the girl, whose eyes were locked on the computer monitor. Lexa glanced over and noticed that the fan fiction site was open to Clarke’s story.

“That’s my mom’s story,” the girl says quietly, eyeing Lexa up and down. Lexa pushed the ten-dollar bill at the girl.

“Oh really? I didn’t know she was the author of that one. I’ll take twelve,” Lexa insisted, pushing a stray hair back into the bun at the base of their neck.

The Octavia counted out twelve tickets, eyeing the teacher curiously and then the screen. It took another moment, but the girl found the username that she was looking for on the screen.

“You’re Lexa?” Octavia hissed. Her aqua eyes turning into a sharp glare, as she realized that they had been to her house and never told her mom the truth.

“Octavia…” Lexa began trying to get the girl to not make a scene.

“But… you came to our house… you flirted with my…” she said more loudly, clearly becoming incredibly uncomfortable with the situation.

“You have received what you need, so if we could get back to our meeting, ladies,” one of the history teachers said sternly from where the group had been watching.

Octavia turned to look at the table, “I’m sorry… I… ummm…. Thanks for the donation. We will be pulling tickets at the game.” And without another word, both girls moved quickly out the door. Octavia casting only a quick glance back at Lexa, that caused them to swallow harshly and excuse themself from the room.

Lexa chased after the brunette, leaving the other teachers at the table. “Octavia, wait!” They watched as the girl stopped moving alongside her teammate. “Please, I need just a moment of your time.”

Octavia nodded to the other, who moved on to the next classroom, leave the student and teacher alone within the open outdoor hallway.

“Please, understand I didn’t know it was her,” they tried to explain.

“But you did. I saw the way you looked at her when we were talking about you,” the girl snapped back, eyes of fury challenging Lexa to try another lie out.

“I realized when I was at dinner. But you all were saying unkind things so I felt it was not the right time to speak with her about it.”

Octavia through her arms up, as she cried out, “You gave her the silent treatment for a week. She just got her heart broken and then you go and play with her. Its ridiculous.”

“You don’t understand. It is not easy being different. Most people do not know and I choose to live a very secluded life,” Lexa attempted to defend their actions, but was no match for the fire and knoweldge that the teen held.

“I don’t understand?” the girl spit back. “I am the adopted daughter of a teacher after I told her about my horror story step-father and dead mother. You are using your gender identification as a fucking excuse to hide in a closet.” And before she turns to walk way, she states, “You don’t deserve her.”

 _She’s right,_ the voice inside vindicated.

Before Lexa could argue with the voice within or the girl, Octavia turned and stormed away. Leaving Lexa with only the voice of self-doubt and hatred to belittle the minimal justification of why they felt pursuing Clarke was even a viable option.

 

**~Octavia~**

Octavia was still angry when she arrived at the stadium. Clarke wasn’t there yet, as she had a department meeting, but Octavia knew if she didn’t get it together before that it would be really hard to keep that Trikru and Lexa the Troll were in fact the same person.

Strapping the shin guards on and pulling on the chest protector, Octavia looked like a warrior going to battle. She moved over to where the Coach, Anya, sat in the dug out. She was carefully applying eye black as war paint to each of the girls.

The Grounders were undefeated, thus far with only a few games left. The only other undefeated team, were the Mountaineers. Coach Anya smeared the paint across each of Octavia’s eyes and pulled downward with her fingers stretching the paint across her face.

Head Coach Echo came up to the catcher, “You look angry. Anger is only so good. You cannot be distracted by personal rage.”

“I’m not distracted,” Octavia nearly spat. “I just want to make these Manly Mountain Men suffer.”

Echo looked down at the girl, “Get it together, Oktevea.” Coach Echo always enunciated the girl’s name strangely when she is trying to get attention.

The umpire called for coaches and captains. So Octavia, the pitcher Monroe, and Echo all made their way to home plate. After they agreed to the terms, the girls shook hands and the Grounder’s took the field.

The game was intense, and the score tied in the bottom of the seventh inning. Octavia had found it difficult to keep her head in the game as Clarke had been perched behind home plate talking ecstatically with Trikru the Troll. She needed to focus now. Now would be her chance to solidify this win.

Stepping into the box, she heard Clarke cheering for her. _Damn, I love her_ , the girl thought. Putting her back foot into the box, she dug the cleated toe on her pivoted foot in to loosen the dirt. Staring down at the pitcher, she waited. Smiling. Crouching lower as the widen up began, she swung and made contact.

It was a high fly between right and center field. Octavia cornered first and looked towards Echo who was waving her way through second and telling her to come to third. Without looking for the ball, Octavia rounded the bag and saw Echo waving at the ground. She knew the ball was coming, and that Echo was telling her to slide.

Positioning her body for the right side of the bag, she slide past the third baseman and caught the bag with her right hand as her blood slid passed it. The fielder attempted to tag her harshly but missed. The thrust of the glove caused the ball to come loose. Without hesitation, the girl pushed herself up and headed home. The catcher blocked the plate as she moved for the ball. Seeing that the ball was thrown too far to the right, Octavia moved to the left, taking out the girl’s left leg as she touched the plate.

She was pulled from under the catcher by screaming girls. When she looked at the stands, she could see Clarke jumping up and down screaming. Next to her Lexa was smiling and clapping as well. Not as enthusiastically, as the green eyes were completely focused on the bouncing blonde.

Maybe it was the adrenaline. Maybe it was the excitement. But Octavia decided to let Lexa Trikru keep a hidden identity for a few more days. She obviously likes her. Wait they. They obviously like her, Octavia thought, self-correcting.

When she made her way over to Clarke who began bouncing once again, at the approach, she was halted by a large tight embrace from the smaller woman.

“I’m so proud of you, baby!” Clarke said and Octavia rolled her eyes because there was the term again.

“Thanks, Momma G,” she said smiling. Clarke moved to hug some of the other girl’s as well and Octavia approached Trikru, who had remained seated in the bleachers.

“You really like her, huh?” the girl said quietly, staring into the green eyes that she knew could easily steal Clarke’s heart given the chance.

“Yes,” was the only word uttered.

“I’ll give you some time to tell her the truth,” and the green eyes turned to lock with aqua. “But it you hurt her, I’ll ruin you.” And the face nodded in understandings. Lexa knew Octavia could get expelled for threatening a teacher, but the tone of protectiveness made them want the blonde that much more.

Clarke was valuable and wonderful. For only someone that were those two things would inspire such protective words. A small smile crept up Lexa’s face. Saturday, Clarke would meet Lexa for who Lexa was. The person. Not the computer troll. Not the teacher. Just Lexa.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are a new reader and have just made it to this point, please know I am working on editing this work to make it more clear concerning who is speaking. This is as far and I have gotten so far, so after this chapter. Understand the formatting is slightly different.

**~Clarke~**

The next morning came with the usual hustle and bustle as the Griffins gathered last minute projects, piles of graded papers, and last minute breakfast, and Raven bolted from the guest bedroom late for work. The only non-stress aspect of the morning for Clarke was that it was Friday, which meant it was jean day, officially making it the best day of the week.

The Griffins made it to school at the warning bell. Octavia was the first out of the car trying to pull the tri-fold presentation board from the backseat carefully, but still managed to bash it into the side of the car multiple times. The removal was complicated due to the awkwardly shaped rear doors of the Prius but after some maneuvering she was able to navigate the form out without much damage.

As Octavia moved quickly through the faculty parking lot towards the open gate, a black Audi SUV pulled into the spot alongside the Prius where Clarke was still within. Clarke jumped out of the car, as Lexa Trikru exited the Audi.

Clarke yelled to the junior walking in a large crowd of students towards the campus, “Bye Baby. Make Good Choices!”

Octavia turned to glare at the woman, face reddening. Clarke laughed and turned to see Lexa standing at the rear of their SUV watching her.

 

**~Lexa~**

“Is that your car?” she asked, mouth wide in aw, as though she will fan girl the car right there.

Lexa looked at the car in slight confusion, then back at the woman who was clearly impressed by the vehicle. “Yes,” they say slowly.

“That is a really cool car,” Clarke continued, moving to the passenger’s side window and pressing her cups hands to the glass a nose to the tinted window, trying to see within. Realizing she was being extremely nosy, she moved away from the window and caught Lexa’s puzzled gaze, “Sorry, I have always loved Audis just can’t bring myself to buy one.” Then she shrugs her shoulders and says, “Maybe when the sequel comes out.”

The class start bell rang, and Clarke looked at them dressed in fitted slacks and a green button-up shirt. The shirt brought out Lexa’s eyes making them even more dazzling than normal.

“Oh no, have I made you late?” Clarke asked, sincerity and concern flowing from her lips. Lexa looked to Clarke and they decided they definitely preferred the blonde in her confortable clothes, as opposed to the business causal attire that she was required to wear through the week.

They noticed Clarke was waving to them, and their ears refocused on the woman before them, “Earth to Trikru? Hello?”

“No,” Lexa answered, realizing that they had not answered the blonde’s concerned question from moment before.

_More, speak more, idiot._

Clarke looked at the in confusion momentarily before she caught up to Lexa’s train of thought, and her scrunched eyebrows were replaced with a smooth forehead and a broad smile.

“Oh. Me either. I have a first hour prep,” Clarke explained. “Oh yeah, happy Teacher Appreciation Day! I appreciate you, Trikru, and all your political sciencey stuff.”

Lexa grinned, making Clarke’s smile only grow brighter and they wondered how Clarke was able to harness the sun and radiate happiness like a she had a private deal with sun.

Finally finding words, Lexa responded with their normal formal tone “I too have a prep at this hour.”

Clarke’s eyes brightened some and she grabbed Lexa’s wrist pulling their body to the passenger’s side of the Prius as she exclaimed, “Then you have to come with me.” Her tone was practically begging, and Lexa couldn’t help their mind wandering to what it would mean to make Clarke Griffin beg. The thought alone of the pink lips begging for them, brought another smile to their lips.

“Where to, Griffin?” Lexa asked, standing outside the car refusing to get into the potential small electric death trap.

“Its Teacher Appreciation Day. McDonald’s gives out these key chain thingies to teachers for free drinks for the rest of the year,” the blonde says practically bouncing. Then she bows slightly, arms pointed to the car, “After you, m’lady.”

Lexa immediately grimaced at what Clarke meant as a term of endearment, but just reinforced their difference and inability to go through any day just being them.

Clarke looked up to see the look of disgust on Lexa’s face and stood immediately. Her eyes studied them, and she shifted her weight, as she apologized, “I’m sorry. I just thought it would be fun. You don’t have to go.”

She closed the passenger’s side door and went to move back to the driver’s side, saying, “I am sorry for holding you up.” The blonde bit her lower lip and she gazed uncertainly at Lexa.

 _Move! Do something!_ the inner voice yelled, and for once the voice seemed to be on their side.

And Lexa listened and acted.

Moving towards Clarke, Lexa pushed the driver’s side door of the Prius closed. Clarke’s look went from slight disappointment to utter bewilderment. Without saying a word, Lexa turned to their own car opened the door to the Audi, and bowed, “After you, lovely.”

Lexa’s eyes widened realizing the mistake, and glanced at Clarke’s slight confusion, but the woman didn’t say anything. The term was familiar but she couldn’t place where she had heard it before. Excitement took over though as she clambered into the vehicle of her dreams.

Lexa fought the urge to run to the other side of the car, instead choosing to take overly large steps to make the trip shorter.

When inside, the green eyes watched from the periphery as Clarke rubbed her hands along the leather seats and touched the dashboard in front of her. Lexa had pulled out of the school parking lot, and made their way to the nearest McDonalds.

 “I won’t lie, Trikru, if I was seventeen I would date you just for this car,” Clarke announced. This tore a laugh from Lexa’s lips and Clarke smiled watching as the walls fell for just a few moments.

“Thank you, Clarke,” they answered, but then added, “I have been known to try and pick people but just by showing off my automobile.”

It was Clarke’s turn to laugh and she did heartily, stating, “Well its working!”

Lexa bit their lip hoping that maybe this was an indication of Clarke’s interest as more than just friendship. Glancing over, they knew that if it was, they wanted that chance.

“Would you like some music?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded, still running her hands across the interior of the car as though she were caressing a lover. Lexa moved to plug in the iPhone to the auxiliary cord and hit the shuffle button, to stop the fantasy of it being Lexa’s body under Clarke’s caresses.

As though the fates were laughing at Lexa, the first song to burst through the speakers was a female voice announcing, “fuck that pussy boy" And Lexa struck the power nob to the radio so hard they hurt their hand.

Clarke turned to face Lexa, and could see the red spread across their face. Green eyes wide and mouth tightened in a straight line, as they stayed incredibly focused on the road. Without a second thought, Clarke pushed the power button back on and let the song play out until the chorus.

Seeing Lexa's reddened face was too much to resist, so Clarke hit the next button on the iPhone, for the next song to play.

_"Hot hot hot sweat sweat / wet wet wet, red heat."_

Lexa hit the pause button and looked to Clarke, who sat with a broad smirk playing across her face. When Lexa didn’t say anything, Clarke stated "let's play a game."

"What kind of game?" and the hesitation was not missed, but Clarke found Lexa’s shyness endearing.

"The kind that I get to know you through your music," and Clarke looks over innocently, smile a little less broad.

"How do we play?"

"Well, I get to hit the next button three more times and then I provide you an analysis of what I learned about you," Clarke explains. Lexa looks at the blonde while they were stopped at a stop light.

"One more song," they bargained

"Okay," and before Lexa could change their mind, Clarke hit next.

" _You don't know that I know / You watch me every night._ "

As the song continues, Clarke begins to sing along, but before the chorus hits, Lexa hits pause.

"Hey! I was serenading you!" Clarke said a little too loudly for the silent car. She crossed her arms around her chest and stared forward with a pouty lower lip extended.

 _I can't listen to you serenade about getting off without getting off right here_ , Lexa thought.

"So..." they try to move forward.

"So, what?" Clarke asked, still pouting about not being able to finish their song.

"Analysis," they stated.

"Oh yeah," and as though the serenade was lost, Clarke turned eagerly to Lexa. "The first two song suggest you are a very sensual person and are not ashamed of being sexual, maybe even kinky. “ She raised her eyebrows to that, and then stated, “The last one is hot and the fact that you turned it off and wouldn't let me sing it to you means you have the hots for me and I am making you uncomfortable in a good way." Lips pursed but corners turned up, Clarke waited with her gaze locked on their face.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

"How'd I do?" the blonde asked, when Lexa does not respond or even flinch.

Shifting their eyes to side, they point forward, and say, "Oh look, we're here."

And they pulled into McDonald. Lexa was not been able to respond to the hysterical giggles of the blonde beside her as they practically kept from the vehicle.

 

* * *

  
The drive back to the school was not as eventful, but Lexa was still mesmerized at how happy and content the woman was. She bounced in her seat, shaking the keychain as a rattle singing to whatever song came on the radio.

This was Clarke Griffin, unabridged. Lexa had witnessed the energy of the woman and the mom, and all Lexa could think is that Clarke the lover was the one left to know, and damn did they want that experience. But the question of her ability to handle them, haunted their every action.

When they pulled into the school, Clarke looked at them, and said, “Thank you for escorting me, Ms. Trikru! This time together has been a truly wonderful experience.” The smile across the blonde’s face fell again, when she saw that once again the green eyes were cast downward a look of sadness replacing the smile, because there is was again. The reality that Clarke doesn’t get it.

Clarke reached over to touch the arm, gripping the steering wheel. “Trikru, what did I say wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just Trikru, though k? No Miss.” Clarke’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and Lexa realized that eyebrows together meant Clarke was trying to piece together information.

She squeezed their arm slightly, just as they had done to comfort her not to long ago. Softly, she assures them, “Okay.”

The green eyes lifted to meet blue and Lexa inhaled deeply. Without thinking, Lexa leaned forward, pressing against Clarke’s frozen lips. As Lexa pulled away from the clearly unwelcomed kiss, a hand moved to the back of their neck and pulled Lexa back in.

Clarke’s lips parted allowing Lexa’s tongue entrance. And the two bodies pressed into one another, as close as possible with the center consul blocking most of their ability to create contact.. Lexa found Clarke’s grip tighten and pull in as though there was no way she could get close enough in that moment. One of Lexa’s hands pulled kneaded the woman’s hip, rubbing around the bone in circles, which elicited a soft moan from within her.

They pulled away only when the oxygen in the car felt as though it were all used up, but even then the two rested their foreheads together.

“Go out with me tonight,” Lexa’s commanded breathily.

“Yes… Tonight,” was the only response. Lips met again at the agreement and their wandering hands groped through clothes until the bell rang announcing second period would be starting in ten minutes.

The two aroused teachers exited the vehicle, and Clarke looked them up and down ogling their fitted business attire for the second time this morning.

“Friday is jean day,” she said.

“I know,” Lexa responded lifting their chin in superiority.

“What type of person wears slacks on jean day?” Clarke teased, pulling at the material clinging to their hips.

“The type that likes slacks,” Lexa said coolly.

“Hmmm,” Clarke contemplated momentarily as they reached the spot where they must part in differing directions. Looking at Lexa, Clarke walks to them and removes the chop sticks holding their hair in place. The long brown locks fell from containment and unraveled softly down to mid back.

Pressing close, Clarke whispers in a slightly deeper tone, “You need to let your bun down, hun.” 

Before Lexa can respond, Clarke turns and walks from them still holding the chop sticks in her left hand, casting an occasional glance backwards. Lexa watched, particularly Clarke’s ass, as the blonde made it to her classroom.

A whisper broke Lexa’s concentration, “It’s awkward watching you ogle my mom’s butt in front of hundreds of teenagers. You know I have to go to school here, and I am already weird enough begin the kid adopted by a teacher. Stop making my life difficult.”

Lexa turned to see Octavia standing to the right, also watching as Clarke walked away from them. “I wasn’t…” they tried, but they were cut off.

“Yes, you were. Don’t lie to me,” the girl stated coolly.

“I asked her out,” they stated, not sure why.

Octavia looks at Lexa and takes in the teacher, who is watching as Clarke disappeared into the classroom. Finally she says, “Good, she likes you.”

“How do you know?” Lexa asked, turning to the brunette.

“Caught her looking at your ass too,” and without another word Octavia left Lexa standing in shock as the final bell rang. Making Lexa late for class for the first time that year.

 _Griffins may very well be the death of you,_ the voice within said and Lexa swore if the voice had a face it would be smirking.


	8. Chapter 8

**~Clarke~**

 “So what’s up with Trikru and you?” Octavia asked as she moved into the colorful classroom. She fell on to a couch in the center of the room with a flop. Lincoln followed her down, but to a matching armchair on the other side of the u-shaped living room set up, which made up the center of the large room.

Clarke left her desk and moved to an ancient orange lazy boy that was well worn through years for freshmen use.

“What do you mean?” Clarke feigned innocently. She hadn’t had a chance to talk to Octavia about her potentially beginning to date, and now she realized that she had scheduled two dates. _Well Saturday is not really a date_ , she justified.

“Um, one does not show up early for family dinner or stay to help clean without being interested. One does not stay in the kitchen all damn night either watching the cook. You were totally flirting this morning, and I saw the look on your face when you saw that car. I am pretty sure Trikru has no idea that you would fall into bed just to be able to drive that car,” Octavia’s rant would have continued if Lincoln hadn’t cleared his throat and pointed to the door.

Lexa leaned against the doorframe, hair flowing in soft delicate curls. A smile caused the green eyes to crinkle slightly. Clarke met them with her own smile.

“Also, one does not stand in the door way like a creeper listening on private mother-daughter conversations if there is not more than just friendship taking place,” Octavia added, causing the Lexa to erupt in a laughter that is usually so carefully guarded, no one else can help but add to it.

When the laughing desists some, Lexa states, “One, Lincoln is here so this is not a private conversation. Two, I told you earlier when you caught me staring that I was taking her out tonight. And three, I rather enjoy standing next to the most beautiful person in the room during family dinner night.”

Clarke turned to the teen, giggling as the question came out, “You already know, so why are you asking?”

“I know that Trikru has the hots for you. That shit be obvious,” she said with an eyeroll. Lexa was taken aback by the consistent vulgar language that came from the lips of the teen but Clarke wasn’t fazed, which meant it was not Lexa’s place to correct.

When the teen continued, Lexa realized there was a chance that this was not the conversation they wanted to here. At the same time, Lexa’s feet refused to move from their position. “The question is, does the uptight poly sci teacher make you need to change you pant-?”

Lexa’s mouth dropped as Clarke full on lunged on top of the girl, covering the girl’s mouth before she could complete the last word of her sentence. Mother and daughter wrestled on the couch for a few moments before Lexa heard Clarke cry out in pain, causing the blonde to push the teen, who then rolled from the couch and thumped against the floor.

Lincoln laughed, not moving to help his girlfriend up. Instead he moved to the couch and grabbed the blonde’s hand. Looking at the teeth impressions that were left from Octavia biting her. “Good thing she didn’t break the skin. I am pretty sure she has rabies. Or did you finally get her vaccinated?”

He went down face first into the couch in a second from a clearly painful kick behind his knees.

“You’re supposed to be defending me. You’re my boyfriend,” the teen girl whined as only teen girls can.

 “It’s Momma G. I have to protect her, Bae. You are too crazy for the angel that is your mother,” Lincoln said softly to the girl that had just laid him out. Clarke did a bounce dance on the couch with two thumbs pointed at herself mouthing the word “angel,” to the teen on the floor.

They were startled by the laughter that came once again from the doorway. Clarke quickly stood up and made her way over to Lexa. Grabbing them by the hand and pulling them into the room.

“So you get all my attention now and please ignore the child on the floor. She’s adopted which excludes me from being responsible for any of her bad behavior,” Clarke says, holding eye contact with Lexa.

“We did not get a chance to discuss plans for this evening,” they said cooly, moving closer into the woman. The teens presence in the room were the only thing keeping Lexa from picking up where they had left off earlier.

Clarke’s eyes moved to the lips before her and back to the green eyes that were now blacker than anything else. _Yes, she does make me need a new pair of panties_ , the blond thought.

“I can make them leave,” Clarke whispered to the figure that was slowly inching closer.

Lexa leaned in and placed pink lips next to the woman’s ear, “I would not be able to control myself if they leave so it is better if they stay.” Clarke shivered as the warm breath caressed her ear. _Yep, definitely need a change of panties._

“Ugh!” Octavia announced pushing herself from the ground. “You can’t do all of this yet. I haven’t given my approval.”

“We are both grown women, O. So stop it,” Clarke looked at the wide eyes of Octavia. “What is your deal, anyways? She already told you we were going out tonight?”

“You’re right, Griffin,” Octavia says all too fast for Clarke’s comfort. She didn’t mean to close the teen off, but was frustrated by the continuous commentary.

Octavia nodded her head to Lexa before grabbing Lincoln’s hand and pulling him from the room. Clarke looked to see that they had moved from the close proximity to allow for a greater distance. Clarke moved closer, trying to pick up from where they had left off, but Lexa moved farther away still.

Taking the hint, Clarke asked, “You know she is just screwing with you? She really doesn’t care if we go out tonight. She won’t even be home to try and play angry daughter.” But Lexa didn’t respond. Didn’t even look up.

“Hey,” she said softer, taking a step closer. This time Lexa did not back away, and Clarke was able to cup her hand under Lexa’s chin and bring the green eyes up to meet hers.

“Hey.”

“What is going on? That is three times, I have seen you completely shut down. And each time it is after something I say. If you don’t tell me, then I don’t know how to fix it,” Lexa’s eyes began to turn glassy for a moment, and Clarke could see the rims beginning to overflow. Pulling the body closer to hers, she ran her fingers gently over Lexa’s brown hair. “I am so sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry…” and she paused for a moment. “You know, I do not even know your first name.”

Lexa pushed into Clarke a little harder. Telling her the name ‘Lexa’ would be a dead giveaway. But the alternative was the feminine name forced upon the body that had for so long forced into conformity. Lexa went with the only alternative, “Alex.”

“Well Alex, do you want to tell me what it is that I keep doing to hurt you?” Clarke asked again.

“Its complicated. And I would like you to get to know me as just me, before I try to explain it,” Lexa said earnestly, and Clarke just nodded, pulling their face to hers.

“I would enjoy getting to know you,” and she carefully placed a gentle kiss on the other’s lips. This time the kiss was momentary, but solidified for Clarke at this was something worth exploring.

**~Lexa~**

It was dark when Lexa stood outside the Griffin’s front door. Unsure if it was an appropriate time to ring the bell or not. Pulling at the rolled button up sleeves and looked down at the form fitting jeans. Lexa continued to fiddle with the garments clinging to their body, going back and forth, not sure what to do.

Lexa stood at the door for possibly too long because before a decision was made the door opened to reveal the blonde with a huge smile plastered on her face.

“Your car has been outside for quite some time. Were you considering running away?” the woman asked.

“I couldn’t decide if I should ring the bell or not,” Lexa answer, holding out a bouquet of red lilies, and smiling sheepishly.

“Ahhh,” Clarke said, and she raised her eyebrows slightly. Taking the bouquet from the outstretched hand, she brought them to her nose and inhaled the heavenly scent. “How did you know these are my favorite?”

“Jasper.”

Clarke smiled again and leaned in to kiss Lexa thanks. “Come in, so I can put these in a vase.”

Lexa followed the woman within the home that was for the first time quiet. Clarke moved to the kitchen and pulled a vase from a cabinet. This time gave Lexa the opportunity to take in the sight of the woman making their heart flutter. Her dark jeans were tucked into a pair of black boots. The black satin top clung to the woman’s sculpted curves and dipped down in the front to give Lexa a view of the supple cleavage.

Before they were able to move their eyes from the shaded region of Clarke’s bust, Clarke had turned to see Lexa’s eyes fixated on her chest. It was the soft giggle that brought the green eyes up to see the face watching.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Glad I picked something you like,” the blonde said slowly as she closed the distance.

Lexa couldn’t help but reach out and pull the girl in. They met with their bodies first, then their lips. Lexa’s hands wrapped around the waist of the blonde, wanting to caress every inch of the woman within their arms.

The blonde giggled again, as she pushed into the embrace and wrapped her arms around their neck. “You know, that we could stay in but I am afraid that it would send a poor message to you… and O.”

Lexa nodded, wanting nothing more to pull the clothes from the body to see what lie beneath. Releasing their grip, only after placing a chaste kiss on the woman’s cheek. “I have reservations for us. Let’s go because I don’t think that I have must self control around you.”

Clarke smiled and pulled away. Lexa moved to the door and held it open. Clarke walked through and towards the car. Lexa stopped her, still standing at the door, “Are you going to lock it?”

“Open door policy,” was all Clarke said, and turned back to the make her way to the car. Lexa closed the door and followed at a faster pace. Making it to the car door just before Clarke.

“Your chariot, lovely,” they said softly, holding open the door. Clarke smiled and pressed her lips to Lexa’s before getting into the car.

Lexa closed the door, before releasing a deep breathe. ‘She is too perfect.’

~~~~~

Dinner went well, and both realized that they had more in common than originally anticipated. Clarke watched as Lexa easily took control of the conversation. She had not experienced a truly open Lexa before and the sight of the person without walls and soft laughter intrigued her to say the least.

When they arrived back that the house, Lexa walked Clarke to the front door but made no attempt to enter.

“Tonight was amazing,” Clarke breathed, wishing that this was not the first date. “Would you like to come in?”

Lexa inhaled deeply, “I can’t, Clarke.” And the woman’s smile faltered slightly.

“Yeah, I understand,” she said turning to enter the residence. “Thank y-“

“Lovely, it is not that I don’t want to come in,” Lexa said pulling the blonde into them again. “I want to do right by you. So I want to take my time.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, just pressed into the lips before her; one hand on the Lexa’s neck and the other tracing gentle circles on the clothed back. Lexa reciprocated the kiss, pressing Clarke into the wall. Both hands on the wall, Lexa held the woman in place, as hands pulled at clothing and hair.

Lexa was intoxicated on the taste of Clarke’s lips, the way she let out soft moans as their tongues danced against each other. “I want you, Clarke,” the voice whispered. “But you deserve better than this. I want to share many firsts with you.”

Clarke didn’t answer, just pressed a harsh kiss to the pulse point, causing Lexa’s knees to weaken. Placing a hand on the woman’s hip, they kneaded that spot they had found earlier and once again felt the woman push in letting out an irrespirable moan.

Finally, Clarke spoke, “I know its wrong, but its like I just want can’t get enough of your lips, your touch…”

And the door opened.

“But I can get enough of the smooching sounds,” the teen said with a look of amusement and slight disgust on her face. “Say good night, Momma G.”

Lexa looked to the ground as Clarke shot the girl a glare of utter bewilderment.

“You’re not supposed to be home.”

“But I am… and I really don’t want to hear the loud grossness that is going to come from your room tonight since we both know it has been months since anyone has-“

“Fuckin’ eh, O!”

 

**~Clarke~**

Clarke found herself in bed updating the latest chapter, when her email alerted her to a new comment.

> **Lexa has left you a comment:** “Give yourself two points for the following question: When are you updating "Creating Treaties"?”

Clarke smiled as she remembered that tomorrow she would be meeting Lexa the Troll.

She typed and posted.

 

“Lexi 2 GriffinC: 5! Yeah baby!”

 

Then the email dinged again. Openning the inbox, Clarke saw that this time it was an email from Lexa.

 

> To: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: to.the.lovely.clarke
> 
> Clarke (look I capitalized your name, happy now?)
> 
> the story looks better but I still think the brat is a mary sue.
> 
> lexa

 

Clarke laughed.

>  From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: re. to.the.lovely.clarke
> 
> Dearest Regina,
> 
> You can say that to my face tomorrow.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Clarke

 

**~Lexa~**

 

Lexa sat in the barren office. Tomorrow Clarke would meet Lexa the Troll. And this terrified them. Could they cancel now?

The notice flashed on the screen for a second email.

 

> From: Griffin_Clarkester@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: re: re: to.the.lovely.clarke
> 
> Dearest Regina,
> 
> And no backing out.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Clarke

Breathing in deeply, Lexa closed the computer. _She’ll run when she finds out_ , the voice said.

“Maybe not.”

_Costia left. She said you weren’t normal. Clarke wants normal._

“No Clarke wants me.”

_Does she?_


	9. Chapter 9

~Clarke~

Clarke awoke to the sound of slamming cabinets and drawers. She groaned, reaching out to the bedside table and tilting the silver iPhone up to see the time. The glowing screen read 8:05 am. _What the fuck, Octavia_ , she cursed internally. With the movement brought Orion screeching that this dish was once again partially empty and that his head needed to be scratched.

“Shhhh,” she whispered to the cat as she raked her hand roughly over the top of the white cat’s head. “She’ll know I am awake.”

“Too late!” came the voice, followed by the bed quaking from new weight being slammed into it.  Clarke expected this from the teen, what she didn’t expect was the second body that came running through the door and landing partially atop her with a thud and a painful jab to the bladder.

Octavia looked proudly at Clarke before saying, “I found this in the living room this morning.”

Clarke looked at Raven with a lifted eyebrow, “Breaking into my house now, Raven?”

Raven shifted her weight, moving until her head was sharing the pillow with Clarke. “Well, I had a visitor last night that refused to leave until I listened to him. I figured this was the one place that I would not be followed for fear of castration,” she explained.

“Finn?”

 

“Yep.”

“Dick,” the teen added. Then looked at the two older women looking at her. “You know you two are hot together.”

Raven laughed and asked the teen, “So you’re good with me trying to get with your mom?”

Clarke didn’t even have a chance to respond before Octavia answered the question, “Nope, but you have competition with the polis ci teacher that keeps coming over to drool on Wednesdays. Plus they went out last night and tried to hump each other on the freakin’ front door!”

“O! Seriously you have serious skill in clitoference.”

“You’re cheating on me, Mamas?” Raven asked, sweetly looking down at the blonde with playful eyes.

“Too soon, Raven,” Clarke answers solemnly, feeling a pang of worthlessness tear through her.

“I know,” she answered, snuggling in closure to the blonde. Then added, eyeing the woman’s profile, “I am just so wound up. Its hard with all the sexual tension that is built up between us.” She was rewarded by the softening of the blue eyes and the exhalation of laughter.

Octavia just laughed, pushing Raven over and placing her body between the two women, “Sorry, mah. But I think I need to act as a buffer. Or wait what was the word?”

“Clitoference, O! You are definitely the best birth control a girl can ask for,” Clarke said, pulling in girl and kissing her head. “I am soo lucky to have found you, kid.”

Raven’s head pops up over Octavia’s shoulder, “You know I can’t get you pregnant right?” And she raises her eyebrows a few times with a huge grin across her face.

**~Lexa~**

Checking the time on the phone, for the forth time was probably over doing it since it was only ten minutes since the last check. The pile of essays were daunting, as Lexa tried to focus the nervous energy coursing through their body on something productive.

Having already purchased two drinks, there was no way to fit another within without going into caffeine over load. Clarke was due to arrive in a half hour. Lexa had hoped that by arriving early, there would be time to relax and become accustomed to the setting. Claim ownership over the situation.

It wasn’t working. In fact, it may be having the opposite effect. Lexa chewed on the purple grading pen, causing the little clip to bust off, cracking harshly within their mouth.

 _She is not going to be happy that it’s you. She could have canceled after being with you last night. She didn’t. You’re not what she wants,_ the subconscious voice of self-doubt berated Lexa until they were on the verge of tears.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke left Octavia and Raven at 11:30. They were sprawled out on the couch watching Frozen, Raven taking on an off key version of Elsa, while Octavia played the hero, Ana.

 

It took her ten minutes longer than desired to get to the meeting place, but when she arrived she saw a familiar face leaving the Starbucks.

“Hey, Alex!” she called, waving gently to the brunette as they left the building.

Lexa looked up startled by Clarke’s voice. “Oh hey,” Lexa said without smiling.

“You okay?” Clarke asked, reaching out to touch them. But they pulled away and moved towards their car.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I am just in a hurry. I forgot I had something I need to do today,” Lexa said moving to the driver’s side of the car.

**~Lexa~**

“Hey!” Clarke said, halting the figure. “What the hell?”

Lexa looked up and could see the blue eyes stormy and cold, as her cheeks burned in frustration. Lexa knew that Clarke was confused. They had just gone out yesterday, had a great time, and Clarke had begged for them to come inside.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. I just have to go,” and Lexa left Clarke standing outside the Starbucks in bewilderment. As they pulled out of the parking spot, they could see as the blonde’s face fell. Lexa had seen that face before. The day they had first met Clarke, in the kitchen; when the woman had told them about the former fiancé.

Pain tore through them for their decision to leave the blonde there. Then another as the realization hit that they would abandon the woman twice in one day. For there would be no one there to meet Clarke. There was no way to fix this.

_It was never going to work anyways._

Lexa slammed the palm of the left hand into the steering wheel of the Audi. Tears streamed from their face and for a second they considered turning around. But they didn’t. They drove to the barren apartment. They confronted the emptiness and lack of color within. Lexa swallowed and screamed.

“You ruined it!”

**~Clarke~**

Clarke waited for an hour. She knew after ten minutes no one was coming. She knew that she had been stood up. But honestly, Lexa the Troll was not what she thought of as she sat at the patio table, watching people come and go.

Instead her mind ran over every conversation, every interaction that she had had with Alex Trikru. She thought their date had gone well.

_Did she think I was just trying to bed her?_

She thought about the times that she had watched the person shut down. She thought of what she had said. The first time was ‘my lady’, the second ‘Miss’, and with the third event she had said ‘she’.

As the thought entered her head, she began to reach through her memories for more evidence. Clarke gasped, pulling her hand to cover her mouth.

_After you, lovely._

_Holy shit. Alex Trikru is Lexa the Troll._

With the pieces in place, a new rage boiled in Clarke. She had been used and lied to again.

Played again.

A single tear escape, as she questioned, _what is wrong with me?_


	10. Chapter 10

**~Clarke~**

Clarke wished that she was capable of hiding her emotions. She wished for the stoic mask that Lexa Trikru was capable of pulling over her—no their face.

She sat in her driveway, with the Prius still running, trying to get her breathing under control. She had used every napkin and tissue in the car, and had turned to the t-shirt that had been laying in the backseat, when there was no absorbable paper product left. But the tears didn’t stop falling from her eyes, which means the snot did not stop flowing from her nose.

Clarke did not get it together. Raven exited the house, finding the blonde choking on her own snot within the vehicle. Pulling the woman from the car, Raven cradled her as she crumpled to the ground. Octavia came out to see what was taking Raven so long, and together they attempted to coax the uncooperative blonde inside. The damn that Clarke had built to barricade the betrayal of Finn had collapsed under the strain of the added betrayal of Lexa Trikru.

“Alex… Lexa….” Clarke tried to get out the sentence to explain it all, but single words only slipped through the gasps. She took a deep breath and looked into the eyes of the aqua eyed teen, “Why do they always leave?” and then she gasped again as though her body found a new storage of tears and released them.

The emotions that ran through the woman, gradually disseminated to the daughter, who too cried at the sight of the immense turmoil that coursed through the one that had always been her rock.

“Because they are not worth it,” Octavia answered, holding the woman that had held her in her darkest moments. It took thirty minutes to get Clarke in a position that she could be moved from the driveway. Octavia appreciated that their house was on a private drive with a decent distance between them and the next one.

For the remainder of the day Clarke alternated between sobbing and sleeping. The three helpers took turns refilling tissue boxes, rubbing soothing circles into the girl’s back, and attempting to convince the woman to eat. But nothing comforted her.

**~Lexa~**

Sunday did not lessen the self-hatred that ran through their body. Lexa woke, ate, ran, and then sat down in front of the computer. They pulled up the fan fiction site and then searched through the bookmarks for Clarke’s stories. But there was nothing. Clarke must have deleted them.

A message flashed across the screen, notifying them of a new email.

 

> From: OctaviaBG_C4@gmail.com
> 
> Subject: I trusted you
> 
> Are you happy now? I don’t know what sort of game you thought you were playing but she was the real deal. She would have given you everything and never judged you. You broke her fucking heart. You led her on, made her think you really cared and then you played her. I am just as much to blame because I should have told her about you from the beginning. I can’t fix that now. Stay away from my mom, you cold and heartless bitch. She deserves better than you and you know what so do I.

 

There was no greeting or salutation because there didn’t need to be. Octavia was right, they had screwed up. Clarke would not have judged them. They had already seen that. Clarke would have loved them. They had felt that love radiate from every molecule bouncing off the woman. They could have had a family.

Lexa looked at the empty walls, and sleek black furniture. Clarke had shown them there was more to life than existing. And they wanted to live. Now the only question is how?

**~Clarke~**

Clarke woke up on Monday in Raven’s arms. The warmth of the woman relaxed Clarke, as her memory was assaulted with the images of vicious kisses and begging to be ‘fucked.’

By the smell of Raven’s morning breath, she had obviously consumed as much, if not more, alcohol. She was also sporting a large hickey on the pulse point of her neck. As Clarke tried to wiggle free, Raven pulled her in more. “Don’t worry, Princess. I didn’t take you all the way,” and Clarke breathed out in relief.

“Thank you. I know I was out of control last night,” she said apologetically.

“You were amazing. It took a lot to stop you,” she answered.

Clarke looked away. She had led Raven on and now felt terrible about it. It just added to all of the other extreme emotions from the last two days.

She felt Raven gentle pull her chin so that they can meet eyes. “Hey, you didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted you. I still want you. Not in a, I wanna marry you way; wanna be O’s second mommy way. You’re just hot and I enjoy … well you.”

A tear slid down from Clarke’s eye. “Thanks Raven. It feels good to be wanted.”

Raven leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the blonde’s lips.

 “Now, go make me breakfast, woman. I have to go to work today.”

Clarke laughed as she watched Raven move from the bed to the bathroom. Clarke could see an array of scratches and hickeys that covered the almost nude form of the woman.

 There was a knock on the bedroom door, then a voice muffled through, “Everyone decent?”

“Um…” and before Clarke could answer, Octavia burst through the door, as Raven sprinted the remaining way to the bathroom.

“Did you guys have sex?” the girl asked playfully.

“No, O.”

“Come on, Princess at least let her think I have game,” Raven called from the open bathroom door, as she sat on the toilet. Clarke shook her head, how did they become friends.

~~~~~

Octavia was late to school because of her and Raven’s antics. Clarke went to make her way to her classroom, but instead found herself outside of a door in the history building. No voices came from within. She decided not to knock. Instead she just quietly opened the door and entered the room.

Lexa stood with their back to the door and did not appear to have noticed that anyone had entered. Clarke watched as they wrote information about war tactics and their relationship to the building of treaties and alliances.

“Lexa is what you really go by isn’t it?” the question came out as more of a statement but it didn’t matter.

She watched Lexa jump but not turn towards her.

“And you prefer gender neutral terms. Like they and them. I could nave respected that, if you had told me.”

There was no response, as Lexa stood still holding the marker to the board, but not putting any new information up. The marker began to bleed down the board due to the pressure.

“What gave you away was ‘lovely.’ I knew I had heard it before. But it wasn’t until I sat at Starbucks for an hour that I remembered why it had been so familiar.”

Lexa turned to see the blonde and crossed to the center of the room. Seeing the icey eyes, they froze in their place, not daring to move any closer.

“I didn’t know it was you at first. I was scared to admit it afterwards. I don’t need anyone here to know about me. I survive just fine,” they say quietly, trying to justfy their actions.

“You hurt me,” Clarke says shakily.

What Clareke didn’t expect was the dig that came from Lexa. “That is extremely hypocritical of you, Clarke. After all I took you out on Friday, for you to make a blind date with someone else on Saturday,” Lexa defended, but knew that it was a feeble attempt because Starbucks was not a date, and it had been made before the heated exchange in the Audi.

Lexa witnessed as Clarke’s rage welled up. Taking several steps towards them, she began to speak with a tone and volume that took away Lexa’s breath.

“I might be a hypocrite, Lexa, but you’re a liar.” Lexa takes a step back from the approaching Clarke.

“You want everyone to think you’re above everything.” Two more steps back.

“But I see right through you,” she hisses.

Lexa feels the marker tray dig into the back of their thighs. Clarke only steps closer so that there is no place for them to move. Lexa breathes out before they speaks harshly, “Get. Out.”

But Clarke doesn’t move at first. She just stands there. “You could have trusted me, Lexa.”

“I can’t do that, Clarke.”

“Why not?”

“Because it is weakness.”

“What is? Love?”

Lexa nods and Clarke pulls back. She sees the pain in the green eyes. “You know that the only person that is standing in your way of happiness is you. I wouldn’t have loved you any less. O would have loved you too. And we are not weak people.”

Before Lexa could respond, Clarke leaves without looking back. And Lexa learns for the second time what it’s like to watch someone you care about walk away.


	11. Chapter 11

**~Lexa~**

Lexa sat in the Audi outside of the Griffin’s house on Wednesday evening. They were not sure why they were there. But they knew that this was a chance to prove they were someone more than one that runs away for opportunity.

Lexa was counting on the open door policy. They needed it to be genuine because the only thing they had really ever known was a closed door. Closed doors to the house they had grown up in when they realized boy and girl were not terms that they could identify with. The closing of the door behind the only other person they had opened up to, as she left the house forever.

They didn’t bring anything with them this time. In case they would be asked to leave. They had dressed casually in boot cut jeans and a fitted white t-shirt. They put on the stoic mask for the assault they may face from the belligerent teen.

They got out of the car and moved towards the door, but didn’t make it before the one that Lexa feared came storming out of the house, with the bulky boy teen behind her.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Octavia hissed, aqua eyes glaring at them.

“She promised an open door at all times,” is all they say. But Lexa stood still and look at the ground.

“You don’t count,” she spits back, as Lincoln’s hand encloses around the her arm to keep her in place.

“Yes, they do,” says a soft but stern voice from behind the teen.

_She said they. She gets me._

Lexa looks up to see the blonde in the green apron resting a gentle hand on the girl’s arm. “Open door means everyone. Even if Finn was to show up. Open door is open door. Everyone needs a place to go, honey. You know that.”

“But, Mom,” the girl says, and Lexa can see the concern and hurt in the teen’s eyes. But Clarke just shakes her head.

“I should go,” Lexa states, turning away to face the car.

“That is your choice. But the door is open,” and Clarke turned taking the teen with her.

Lincoln stayed put though. “Do you want her?” he asks finally.

“I messed up,” was all they could answer.

“That wasn’t the question though. Because if you want her, you can’t run now. She has given you a chance,” he says. They turn and look at the boy, whose shaved head, expect for the barely visible Mohawk shined in the sunlight. He was so large, but Lexa could see nothing but softness in him.

“I don’t deserve a chance. I don’t deserve her.”

The boy shrugs. “Do any of us deserve the love that she is willing to give? Who knows, but the way I see it there are few willing to give like that. So… if she’s offering it’s almost worse to refuse.” He takes a careful step towards them, and holds out a hand to them. “Come.”

Lexa looks at him carefully, trying to read his face. Finding nothing but kindness, they ask, “Why are you being nice to me?”

The boy shrugs, “Because she is my hero and this is what she would do.” He holds out his hand and they take it.

**~Clarke~**

There are many faces as usual, and no one other than the three women give Lexa a second glance. Raven’s eyes harden when Lexa steps into the house. Clarke had made it clear to Octavia that no one was to know about what had gone on between the two teachers, and the teen had kept her promise. However, that was outside of this house. But Lexa was now within the house, and Octavia was livid, leaning into Raven, whispering into her ear. When Raven looks up at her, Clarke knows that Raven is aware that she has allowed this.

Clarke stood in her usual spot making pizzas. Lexa moved to enter the kitchen, but is headed off by Raven who moves to stand next to the woman almost protectively. Lexa did not miss the barricade that had been made between them and the blonde rolling out the dough for another pizza. Raven was not only providing a comfortable buffer, but she was also doting on the blonde in a fashion that left no question who had left the marks across the tanned throat and collarbone.

Jasper was the first voice to break through the awkward silence that had fallen between the women, with a question that could only intensify it. “So Griffindor, how’s it going with the troll?”

Octavia’s head shot up, as Clarke just stared down at the dough. Without looking up, she answered, “I actually deleted my account. I decided to stick to writing books. Fan fic takes away too much time from the other things I should be doing.”

“I wish you would have told me what you wrote under, Momma G. I would have loved to read your stories,” Monroe added. Lexa remember the girl begging for the story name last time they were all together, but Clarke protected her secret identity.

Lexa spoke, without realizing it at first, “I really enjoyed your stories actually. I mean often I didn’t agree with your characterization of the characters I am familiar with, but I did enjoy seeing how imaginative you were with their character’s future. I won’t lie I was rather addicted to your story line and looked forward to each chapter.”

The room was silent, when they finished speaking. All eyes on the political science teacher. Monroe was the first to speak, “Dude, you gave her the user name? Why couldn’t I have it?”

Clarke looked up and smiled. Finally she responded, “Monroe, I lead a very open life with you all. Sometimes I need something that is just for me. That's what it was.”

“Then why take it down?” Lexa asked at the table. All of the bodies were focused on Clarke, and Lexa could tell that the attention was becoming uncomfortable for her. Feeling bad for continuing the conversation, they shifted their gaze from the blonde to glancing at the others around the table.

“Um... well… I realized that I was just seeking attention after everything that happened with Finn and it wasn’t who I wanted to be. When I get my head in a better spot, maybe I will start posting again, but I will definitely change my name to avoid trolls,” she said as she spread the sauce evenly across the dough.

Raven saved her from other questions, by pulling two pizzas out of the oven and cutting them into squares. Setting them on the table, the dark featured girl stated, “Enough interrogating, eat people.”

Lexa could tell the comment was primarily angled at them.

 _Why are they here?_ was the question of the night. Clarke continued to make pizzas, while Raven was trying to stake a claim, which she didn’t approve of.

The first time she leaned in for a kiss, Clarke didn’t realize it until the last moment and shifted awkwardly to catch only the tail end of the motion on the cheek.

“What are you doing?” she asked Raven quietly, when their backs were to the table where everyone, including Lexa sat.

Raven just wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her in close. “I’m making the troll jealous, Princess. You should see the way that her eyes are watching us.”

“Their eyes,” Clarke corrected, incredibly annoyed. “I don’t want you making advances to make someone else jealous. So please, just back off some. This is not what open door means. It's a safe place, not one where someone will attack you with passive aggressive attempts to hurt you emotionally.”

Raven looked at the woman, softly for a minute. Then whispered, “You really are too good for this world, Princess. Its like you lost your wings when you feel from the sky. The Sky Princess, that’s who you are.”

**~Lexa~**

They didn’t eat that night. They just sat and watched the room. Watched as the boys played a game called Shape-Up that forced them to exhibit who held superior agility. Avoided glares from the fuming teen. Watched as the one named Raven ran her hand across Clarke’s waist and once leaned in to kiss the woman that pulled away enough to force the lips to fall on her cheek. Watched as the tanned woman pulled the blonde into her arms, angled so that they could see the obscenely large mark on the woman’s neck and another peeking out from under the woman’s shirt.

_That could have been me._

Then, _No, that should have been me._

When she watched her blonde push the woman back a little, a glimmer of hope filled them, _Maybe Raven is playing a game with me. Maybe there is still a chance._

When a majority of the house had emptied. Lexa approached Clarke, who had finally seemed to be given space from the tanned girl that had retreated to Lexa’s dismay the master bedroom.

“Thank you for dinner.” Clarke scoffed at the words, but didn’t say anything. So Lexa asked, “What did I say?”

Clarke looked into their green eyes that were filled with emotion ,and then back to the trays where she was busily packaging the left overs. Finally she said, “You didn’t even eat. “

“Oh,” they said looking at the counter, where eight pieces of pizza were stacked in a Tupperware. Grabbing a piece of just cheese, Lexa took a big bite. The pizza was amazing as always, and the flavors caused them to moan just audible enough to draw the blonde’s eyes from her packaging task to their face. They watched as she watched their lips chewing and then looked back into their eyes.

“Thanks for dinner,” they try again with a mouth still full of pizza. And they were rewarded with a slight smile and half a laugh. The kind where only one ha is trapped within the person’s chest. But it was a laugh.

“You’re welcome,” and the eyes were back to the task, then back to them as she moved to do the dishes.

_This is your chance._

Lexa stuffed the remainder of the pizza in their mouth and grabbed the kitchen towel from the counter. Clarke washed a dish and put it on the drying mat. Lexa took the dish and dried it, then opened every cabinet until they found the place it belonged. They did this in silence until there were only a few dishes left.

“Why did you come tonight?” she asked softly. The sound of her voice talking to them made Lexa smile.

 _Tell her you love her,_ the voice said, and for the first time it didn’t sound like a trick. But, Lexa didn’t do that. Instead, they said, “I told you once that I wanted you to get to know me for me before I told you about me. You said yes. So I am showing you me. “

“Why didn’t you just cancel the meeting? We spoke on Friday night.”

“You told me no backing out.”

“But you did.”

“Yes.”

When the dishes are completed, Clarke attempted to remove the apron strap from her neck but it is stuck to a simple chain that hung at her neck. Lexa moved forward and assisted in unhooking the clasp from the caught thread.

“I know you can’t fight evolution, but I wished you would have stayed,” she whispered to the air in front of her. Lexa watched as goose bumps rose on her neck where their hands had grazed the pale skin of her neck.

“Evolution?” they asked as they assisted in lifting the strap over her head and setting it on the table. They were facing each other and only minimal distance between them. Their ears pulsed as the blood pumped more violently through their ears.

Octavia entered, and per usual interrupted. “Evolutionary responses are the fight, flee or freeze. Mine is to fight. I don’t back down and as the result usually get hurt or hurt someone in anger. Momma G’s is to freeze. These are the ones that usually die off in the wild because they just get run over or eaten. But it also makes them amazing problem solvers because they actually try to take in everything. The last ones are the fleers. That's you. You run.” Then after a second the teen stated, “Its annoying dealing with runners.”

Clarke looks at the girl and smiled. “How’d you get so smart, O?”

“From me. Three weeks in my presences and who wouldn’t be smarter?” Raven said coming from the bedroom in a pair of baggy plaid flannel pants and a tank top. The tank top revealed more marks and several intense scratches that were still healing. _She is sleeping over._

“Of course, Mom number two! All of my brains comes from you,” the teen replies with an over exaggerated eye roll. Definitely was meant as a slap towards them, and they felt it.

Lexa couldn’t hold it anymore, “Thank you again, Clarke. Have a good night.” And before anyone could say anything, Lexa was out the door and half way to the Audi. _She just asked you to stay and you flee. What is wrong with you?_

They froze though when they heard the only voice that mattered call after them, “This is how it is always going to be; isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Her voice is out of breath, and when they turned, they saw her hunched over because she had obviously run from the house.

“I don’t understand,” they say.

“No, I don’t understand. You show up at my home. You stare at me most of the night. You obviously are stalking my fan fic account. But you just turn and run the first chance you get,” she says still huffing.

“Evolution?” Lexa supplies shrugging their shoulders, trying to make a joke, but it falls flat.

“What are you scared of?” and the words hit home, because how can Lexa tell her _everything_.

Lexa looks at the woman, _How can she not see that I am terrified of everything?_ Clarke is closing the distance between them when they uttered the word that stops her, “You.”

“Me?”

“Yes.” Lexa is staring at the woman’s blue eyes.

“Why?”

They stand there just looking at the woman. The blond hair reflecting in the moonlight to a shimmery silver hue. They consider the words before they release them, “Because you make me feel things. You are the life that I have never known. You are the stars in the sky that people wish on. You can’t be real.”

“I am real though,” Clarke says and a tear rolls down the left side of her face. “I am real. I cry and when I do my nose gushes with disgusting snot. I fall down and I bleed. I let people in and I get hurt. I get my heart broken. Even after a first date.” And then, there are a few more tears.

“I need to go,” Lexa says and moves to the car, placing one hand on the driver’s side door handle.

“Why are you running from me?” Clarke asks, trying one last time.

“You have someone inside waiting for you. You obviously enjoy her company,” they answer, even though knew it was a low blow, but it was all they could do. Anything else would have turned them around to pick up the smaller woman in their arms and confess uncontrollable emotions that they did not understand.

“We’re not together,” she said, as the door was about to close.

Lexa looked up to see the pleading eyes. And they wanted to stay. They wanted to kiss away the tears. But it was too much. Too much, “That may even be worse. Because it shows you just wanted to sleep with me.” And they closed the door.

Lexa sat in the car unable to start it. Through the darkly tinted windows, they could make out the figure of Clarke as she held her arms across her chest. She took several steps to the car and pulled open the door. Without speaking a word, Clarke pulled their face to hers and placed a delicate kiss on their forehead.

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wanted you yes. But I wanted all of you, not just the you in bed,” and she turned and walked back into the house. Leaving Lexa still within the car, door open wide. They sat there for a long time, and no one came out. Finally they closed the door and drove to the apartment.

Standing in the entryway, they looked around knowing that this is not enough. _You can do this._


	12. Chapter 12

**~Lexa~**

“Fucking mother fucking battery operated fucking car that doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but the fucking juice in a fucking battery to fucking start the fucking engine. I fucking hate you you fucking piece of shit,” is all Lexa hears as they make their way to the parking lot.

They hadn’t seen Clarke since Wednesday, but now they wanted nothing more than to avoid the belligerent blonde that was cursing out the electric death mobile.

Clarke kicks the tire of the car and proceeds to let out another long line of expletives at the vehicle.

“God damn you, you mother fucker. Why today? Today you have to be a fucking cunt. I need you to fucking work you god damn useless piece of junk!”

Lexa stands several yards away and watches as the blonde hits the top of the car and then pulls back in obvious pain that she has caused to her hand.

Tears are streaming down the woman’s face in anger, and Lexa decides that they have watched her cry too much this week.

“What’s wrong?” they ask quietly, approaching the seething woman.

“This fucking asshole of a vehicle is refusing to start because of the fucking battery ran out in the fucking button shit, meaning the car won’t work until the fucking button gets a new fucking battery,” the English teacher explains. Lexa just nods looking from the woman to the car.

“I can give you a ride home if you’d like or to the battery store,” they offer, hoping that maybe she would give them this chance.

But Clarke shuts them down. “I don’t have time. The state tournament starts today. I need this fucking piece of shit to work so I can drive to fucking flagstaff to see O play. And no the fuckign battery has to fucking die now!” And she hits the car again, and she yells, “Fuck you Eva!”

Lexa laughs a little, as they ask, “Eva?”

Clarke looks at them, eyes so bright against the pink from the tears, “Yes, the piece of shit, cunt has a fucking name, because I loved her until ten fucking minutes ago!”

This makes Lexa laugh harder, but they embrace this opportunity. They offer more confidently this time, “I will take you.”

“What?” Clarke says looking up at the green eyes that are watching her carefully.

“I said I’ll take you, if you want me too.”

She responds, “It’s like four hours. You are willing to sit in a car with me for hours?”

They laugh a little at the fact Clarke thought they did not want to sit in a car with them. “I sat in your house for four hours with your angry daughter glaring at me and watching that girl rub herself on you wearing your mark all over her. Yes, I can handle sitting in a car with you so you can see your kid play in a state tournament,” Lexa opened the door to the Audi that had strategically parked next to Clarke’s useless death trap every day.

“After you, lovely,” they say. And Clarke looks up at them, unsure of how to react to the use of the term.

“Thank you,” Clarke says carefully. Lexa takes the large bag from the woman’s hand, as she gets into the passenger seat.

Lexa tried not to appear too excited that they had managed to get Clarke Griffin into their car once more.

**~Clarke~**

The first hour was very quiet. Only the sound of soft random music playing from Lexa’s iPhone. They stopped for gas that Clarke insisted on paying for as they reached a Chevron station positioned in the middle of the desert, which Lexa repaid in snacks.

Clarke was digging into a Whatchamacallit bar, when she finally gathered the guts to speak. “We didn’t sleep together,” she states cautiously. “I just thought you should know.”

“Okay,” was Lexa’s only response.

When Little Big Town came on, Clarke reached over to turn it up but halted until Lexa nodded, giving her permission to touch the car.

Clarke began to sing with the music, “I got a girl crush. Hate to admit it but…”

And then Lexa sang too, as the song hit the chorus.

_“I wanna taste her lips because they taste like you./I want to drown myself in a bottle of her perfume.“_

Clarke froze and watched as the words flowed from the person behind the wheel. Their voice was smooth and purposeful. Obviously not a new song to them, as though they had practiced it recently.

_“Yeah because maybe then,/You’d want me just as much.”_

Clarke had meant to serenade Lexa, but the opposite was taking place and Clarke was entranced. Staring at the lips and the eyes that were not hard, just there. So close. _Maybe,_ she thought.

_“The way that she’s whispering/ The way that she’s pulling you in/Lord Knows I’ve tried I can’t get her off my mind.”_

When the song ends they go back to individual silence. The music rolling through a variety of slow emotional songs. Each capable of explicating the emotions coursing through the two bodies within the SUV.

Neither speaks for the remainder of the trip.

**~Octavia~**

The fields are packed. Lexa pulls up the park’s entrance to let Clarke out. Clarke looks at them. “Come with me,” she basically whispers. Lexa’s eyes look at her and Clarke swears she could hear the gears working in the person’s head weighing the consequences of coming and going.

“Octavia will not be happy,” they say, knowing that their presence could pull the girl’s focus. Losing this game because of them, was not another reason they wanted to give the kid to hate them.

But Clarke says, “Come for me.” They can tell it's the closest she will come to begging. But the reality was, Clarke was begging them to come for them.

So Lexa nods.

Pulling the car from the entrance and parking it a good distance away, they ensure the safety of their vehicle from potential fly balls. Meeting the blonde at the game, where she had gotten out of the car, they walk on her right side to the field where the game has already begun.

Octavia is on deck when she sees them arrive, confusion seeming to smack the teen across the face. She watched as her mom and the other one sat with Lincoln, who made room for them on the nearly filled bench.

Shaking her head, she wondered, _why does she step herself up to get hurt like this?_

But then Octavia heard her mom’s voice. “Come on, baby! You can do it!” Clarke cried out as Octavia moved to the batter’s box.

_Head in the game._

And she swung at the first pitch, a hard line drive down the line, earning her two bases. Clarke cheered and jumped up and down with Lincoln, while Lexa sat on the bench, eyes glued to the blonde.

_Here we go again._

**~Clarke~**

Leg one of the tournament ended and the Grounders had barely escaped the Icelanders for the win. They advanced to the next leg of the tournament meaning they would have to stay in Flagstaff for the night.

The team was already set up with a hotel, and Clarke too had a room booked at a local hotel, not filled with rowdy teenager. Directing Lexa to the hotel, they pulled into the parking lot and waited for the blonde as she went into the check in. When she came out, she hopped back in the car and attempted to hand Lexa a room key. But Lexa just looked at her in confusion.

Clarke just smiled lightly at Lexa, and stated simply, “Well, you’re my ride. I can’t have you abandoning me in Flagstaff without a vehicle.” Then as, an after thought, “I got you your own room.”

Lexa nodded and pulled the SUV into a spot outside the rooms that Clarke pointed out. When they stepped out of the car dressed slacks and button up shirt, they realized they were not prepared for a weekend away. And they realized that they were going to need to find a store.

“I have spare clothes,” Clarke said, holding up the bag that Lexa had taken from her earlier. Lexa smiled softly realizing that the woman had read their mind.

It was dark outside, as they made their way to the upstairs rooms Clarke had paid for. Lexa followed Clarke to her room and stood awkwardly within the room as Clarke laid out a variety of outfits that Lexa could choose from. Looking over the options, they opted for a pair of skinny jean capris and a brown shirt that said Grounder’s Softball.

“Thank you,” they said and moved towards the door that joined their rooms.

“What do you want for dinner?” Clarke asked looking at Lexa from the corner of her eyes, before Lexa could make it out of the room.

“Um… I am not sure,” they answered, nothing having planned on dining with her. Not sure that she wanted them there for more than a chaffer still, in fact.

“The guy at the desk said the Chinese place delivers. That sound good to you?” she asked.

“Yes. That is fine.”

“OK, I’ll order. You can use the bathroom to change if you want,” Clarke says as she points to the bathroom at the back of the room.  And without waiting to see if Lexa would take her up on her offer, she asked. “What do you like?”

“Orange chicken,” Lexa responds moving to the back of the room. They want to say they’ll go back to their room to change, but this may be a chance with Clarke. A chance that may not appear again.

As they change, they hear the filtered voice through the door ordering the food. They look down at the clothes. Why didn’t they pick some pajamas they weren’t sure, but this was what they chose. They would just take it off when they got back to the other room and sleep in nothing so there was a clean outfit for the next day. It would at least save them a trip out tonight, which they were grateful for since they had been in the car far longer than they liked.

When they left the bathroom, they didn’t think that Clarke would be in the process of undressing. But there she was, in nothing but her bra and panties. That matched. Oh course they matched, because it wasn’t like seeing the woman of their dreams fulfilling every gap that their imagination has supplied them was enough. No she had to up the sexiness by standing next to a bed with her blonde hair falling down her back in a set of royal blue and black lace lingerie. Because the universe hated them. That is what they determined. The universe hated they very being.

**~Clarke~**

She reached behind her and unhooked her bra,. She had, planned on pulling on the boxers and t shirt before Lexa left the bathroom. But she heard the door open, and then felt their eyes. Pulling the bra from her shoulders, she dropped it on the bed before she turned around.

Lexa stood still in the bathroom doorway. She was pretty sure the brunette was not breathing, and they watched as Lexa licked their lips. Clarke held a hand over her breasts, she couldn’t help but tilt her head slightly looking at the person looking her up and down.

 _You did this purposefully,_ her subconscious tells her. And she knows it is true. She could have waited for Lexa to come out of the bathroom. Though she told herself she planned on finished quickly, she could have dressed before turning around.

But she had turned.

She wanted Lexa to see her. All of her. See if they would run. Or more of challenge them to try.

**~Lexa~**

_Run._  The voice said again and again and again. But they didn’t.

Lexa just stood there. Starting at the bottom they took in the pale legs that touched slightly at their widest point. Making their way up, they could see the flat stomach that hinted on each side her core muscles, and then to the breasts that were barely begin contained by the one pale, freckled arm. Finally Lexa pulled their eyes from her bust and up her throat, watching her swallow as they lick their lips, wanting noting more than to attack the throat that was on display.

When their eyes settled on the blue and black orbs staring back at them, they tried to determine if this intrusion was less than welcome, but they watched as she tilted her stance slightly, holding still for Lexa to fully take in the sight of what they walked away from.

Her eyes were not bewildered or guilty for being caught in the moment.

No. They were saying. Whacha gonna do about it?

_What are you going to do?_

_~C_ **larke~**

They don’t move. They didn’t run, but they didn’t move either. And suddenly the realization that Clarke was basically putting herself on display took over the confidence she held moments before, and replacing it was shame and the internal berating, where her mind told her she was a slut, which was obviously why Finn left her.

She turned from Lexa; her face flushed with embarrassment because she had tried and failed to receive any form of reaction. Instead, she just showed Lexa the exact dig they had landed on her just two days prior, that she was only interested   and grabs her shirt and pulls it over her head, feeling the soft material graze her perked nipples. As the fabric clears her head, she feels the hands on her waist turning her around.

Her hair is pressed in her face, as the bouncy waves have yet to break free of the t-shirt neck. But there is a hand there, pressing and tucking it away from her eyes. She can feel them, before she sees them. The breathe millimeters from her lips.

Her vision uninhibited, she looks into the pitch pupils, and their lips just hover over hers; stealing her oxygen with every shaky breathe. Their hand finished moving her hair from her face, finding a resting place at the back of her neck. It was warm and the sensations that were running through her body made it difficult to breathe with ease and not appear completely aroused.  

Their hand on her lower back had found it’s place before her shirt was tugged into place, so they were able to caress her pale skin, where the tattoo of blue stars in the shape of a butterfly was permanently imbedded in her skin. Shivers ran through her as she felt their fingertips press into skin, pulling her in flush with their body.

Clarke doesn’t comprehend at first what Lexa is waiting for, but with a deeper look into their eyes, she grasped they were waiting for her to give them a sign that she was okay with this. That she was okay with them.

So she nodded primarily with her eyes.

**~Lexa~**

With permission, Lexa did not take a moment for the voice in their head to talk them out of this. Their lips crash into the blonde’s and within seconds their tongue was at the parting, caressing against her low lip, begging for entrance. And she gave it to them. Their tongues dancing between their two mouths, and when occasionally one would take they opportunity for their teeth to pull at lip at their other’s lips, until both were swollen, from abuse. But Lexa liked it and wasn’t ready to stop.

Their mind reeled with the over load of sensation that they had been denied for so long. It was four years ago that Costia had left them; four years without a single person to satiate the need that had grown violent within them. No, it was just them, but now it was them and Clarke. Now they had Clarke in their arms, and when she moaned slightly into the kiss, they couldn’t resist anymore. There was nothing their head say that their heart couldn’t refute.

Clarke wrapped one arm around their neck, while the other pulled their face to hers. Lexa lifted the woman by her ass, pulling Clarke’s legs around them. They felt the blonde’s uneasiness with being lifted in a manner, but they kept her secure and didn’t waver as they walked her to the bed.

Once their knees hit the bed, they laid her down gently, for there was no discussion of what either wanted, so slow and careful was always ideal. They didn’t need to scare her, with the predator that they felt crawling within their skin. So they help back their need.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke felt Lexa gently lay her on the bed, pulling their body from hers as they positioned themself over her. Thrusting her hips into them, she pulled Lexa down into a deeper kiss. She felt them pull back only to attack her swollen mouth with gentle tugs and nips at her lower lip. And at one point she swore that mid nip, Lexa growled.

She sensed the hand ghost up her shirt and reach just below her breast holding her ribs gently. The touch was grounding, and Clarke found it hard to breathe again. She found that she couldn’t really move, because Lexa’s touches were so soft and yet so strong. That their presence made her ability to stop how fast everything was going malfunction. Because Lexa was beyond breath takingly beautiful, they were like gravity holding her in place, when she really just wanted to float away.

Clarke could feel her overwhelming draw to them, and she realized that even though she had been engaged just a few weeks ago, she had never loved someone like this. Because lust meant tearing each other’s clothes off for the fast fuck. But here Clarke was, laying beneath Lexa as their kisses were making it down her jaw line to her throat, which Clarke’s hand buried in the brown curls that were everywhere. And she wasn’t considering that they were moving towards intercourse.

The only understanding that Clarke had grew in the depths of her stomach and in a heated wave of unknowable emotion flushed through her chest, quickening her pulse, and up to her head where the of area of her brain that did not control language pushed its connections to her frontal lobe searching for the right word to associate with Lexa.

And it found it. It didn’t take long. It found it within a dark closeted space, filed under “Shit that hurts”.

Lexa had paused during her search, and was looking down at her with minimal irises visible and a blown pupil. In their momentary pause,  they searched for where she had been swept away to. But they found her gaze refocus on them, and they looked at her. More like studied her, unsure if they should continue or cease.

Clarke realized that their fingers were playing at the bottom of her shirt, and they were once again searching once again for permission, but now she could see they were also second guessing if they had pushed her too far.

But Clarke was very aware where she was, and that in that moment of search, she realized that Lexa Trikru was not just a fun time. Not just someone to take her mind off of being unwanted. They were what she wanted, and since she knew that she loved them, she needed them to understand what she wanted from them.

Not a one night stand.

Not a casual fling.

Not a rebound.

She whispered softly, as she tucked a brown curl back from Lexa’s face and cupped their jaw, “Please love me.”

Lexa’s eyes warmed, and Clarke swore she could feel their heart pounding against their chest, or maybe that was hers. But either way, let’s just say it was Lexa’s because that makes it more real right. They don’t have to say anything, because their heart is trying to join hers. That means something right? But doesn’t have the opportunity to answer, because the fates are laughing in their face again, when a knock came to the door. The food had arrived.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this one was hard. I need a vote. Cont. or write an epilogue? 
> 
> I have a few more places I could take it. Hell I could make it into a mini series. I just would like to know what y'all want.

 

**~Octavia~**

Octavia was in the room with several members from her team. Monroe, sat at the head of the bed with her, running her calloused fingers through Octavia’s hair, who was obviously someplace else.

“What’s up, O?” Monroe asked her quietly, not the draw the attention of the other girls playing Never Have I Ever on the other queen bed in the room. Octavia didn’t answer her though, because she was focused on her phone. She had sent a text to Raven, who was still at her house about what had happened that afternoon.

It really hadn’t taken Raven very long to respond to her.

 

Octavia:

| 

Dude the troll brought my mom to the game.  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

so…  
  
 

She didn’t know why, but the question irked her. But then she realized she was pissed because Raven was trying to hook up with Clarke and now she was acting like Clarke fucking the troll didn’t bug her.

Octavia:

| 

I told her to stay away from my mom.  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

*them. Don't be rude. and your mom wants them  
  
 

 _But I don’t want them,_ she ranted. They had hurt her just like Finn, maybe worse than Finn. Hell she didn’t know because Finn was someone that was kind and smiled and fake. Fake as fuck. But he had made Clarke laugh. But, the troll; the troll brought out a different side of Clarke. The side of Clarke that made her keep taking them back, even though she had cried a billion tears over them, and Octavia wasn’t positive that she wouldn’t have to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning after the amount of vodka the woman consumed in a two day span.

Octavia:

| 

No, I choose you.  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

We don’t have that say.  
  
Octavia:

| 

You could. She likes you.  
  
Raven:

| 

Likes… as friend.  
  
Octavia:

| 

with benefits  
  
Raven:

| 

Not going to happen. She’s fun but I am just a distraction. She is not interested in me like that.  
  
 

Octavia considered it for a minute. If Clarke had really wanted Raven, she would have had her. The teen was always impressed by the blonde’s hardheadedness.

 _But damn it, why did she have to choose Trikru the Troll_.

Octavia:

| 

Can I get rid of them ?  
  
---|---  
  
Raven didn’t respond right away, and it frustrated the girl because they were having an important conversation. What else could she be doing right now, other than giving her all of her attention. I mean she was letting them stay at the house, even though Clarke thought that Raven had left yesterday.

Monroe was still stroking her hair, and really that may have been the only thing that was keeping the girl from losing it.

She whispered to Monroe, “You know the poly sci. teacher? Trikru?”

Monroe shifted her attention from the movie playing on the cheap hotel tv, to her friend laying in her lap, “Yeah.” There was a hesitancy there, and Octavia knew why. Because she was known for doing fucked up shit, and Monroe would not put it past her to do something stupid like sleep with a teacher.

“They are trying to get with my mom,” she says, not sure why she is telling Monroe this, but next to Lincoln, Monroe was the closest friend she had, even though there was a point when they were more than friends but not quite lovers. Monroe had figured out she was gay in that time and Octavia had figured out that she wasn’t opposed to sex with a girl but her attraction to Lincoln was more than she could deny.

Monroe chewed on the information, the way that she always did. Not one to react like Octavia was, Monroe considered her words. Finally she asked, “They as in GQ, they?”

Octavia nodded.

“So are you bothered that their GQ or that they are dating you mom?” and the girl hit the question on the head. Because did Lexa’s gender identity bother her, or was Octavia just being over protective. As if on que, Raven answered her question.

Raven:

| 

If its what she wants why would you try?  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

They hurt her.  
  
 

And she repeats to Monroe, “They hurt her.”

Raven:

| 

People get hurt. And they get back up. Trust her.  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

Give the troll a chance, I mean damn they came back and even tried after all I did. Not to mention your broody self.  
  
 

 

Monroe, rubbed into her head a little more massage like, and looked down at the girl who had been her first kiss. The beautiful girl that let her learn who she was. And they had still managed to be friends after her heart had been shattered into two, because Octavia would never be hers. Octavia belonged to another, and Monroe would always just be her friend.

She asked her tense catcher, “Physically or emotionally?”

Octavia answered, “Emotionally. They stood her up and she was crushed.” Octavia knew she was breaking her promise to Clarke not to share any of this information, but she was hurting and she didn’t know why and she needed to talk to someone about everything.

“But they came back right? I mean I saw your mom with Trikru this afternoon,” Monroe responded.

And Octavia answered, “Yeah, they came back to fight for her. But I was a dick. Like a real dick.”

This brought a chuckle from her ex, because Monroe knew of Octavia’s dick-like behavior. Octavia was protective but she was also self-centered and moved through the world without much concern from anyone but her needs. When she was protecting someone it was for her own needs.

“What if they don’t want me? Like Finn didn’t want me. I was just there, and it was the two of them. And Finn and Abby were always like, yeah when Clarke has a real family...” she trails off, because something in her was cracking. The sense of place she had developed was shaking. Because what if Lexa was like Finn? What if Lexa wanted a family with Clarke? A family without her.

Monroe pressed her hand you Octavia’s chin, bringing their eyes together, “So now that we have gotten to the girl problem, let’s work that out.”

And Octavia turned burying her teary eyes faced into the girl’s stomach. Monroe knew that was coming, and she shot a warning look to the girls that had quieted down to see their captain, the badass Octavia Griffin losing some control. But they said nothing and resumed their game, though slightly on edge, as the girl tried to get it together, to talk to her friend.

The phone vibrated in her hand, with messages she is sure were from Raven, because Clarke had not text or called her. Because Clarke was off building a new family with Lexa and leaving her behind.

~Lexa~

 

They sat on the bed eating from the cardboard Chinese food containers. Clarke had yet to add more attire, so occasionally they were not concentrating on their food, but on the blonde with pale smoother legs, laying on the bed next to them, with her ass in the air. Distracting really was not a strong enough word, for the power that Clarke had over them, and her plea before the delivery man arrived, had sent a jolt of electricity through them, awakening areas of happiness and sadness that they had long sense walked away from.

Because they honestly didn’t know if they were capable of love. Well they knew that they were physically capable of it because they had done it before. Loved someone, that is. But Lexa had learned that love was conditional. People loved them for who they were willing to be for them. Their parents stopped loving them because they were them and not she. Costia loved them as her doll that she got to move through life, but when they were them and she wanted them to be something else, she had left.

Four years. Four years of college memories, that were lost two days after graduation in a filtered hue of crimson rage. Lexa’s mind wandered to that night, but was pulled back to the present by Clarke.

By Clarke reaching her chop sticks into Lexa’s orange chicken box, which Lexa quickly withdrew to the side, and pushed another piece into their mouth with a slight smile.

“Hey, I want some,” Clarke whined her brows in a mini tantrum, that made Lexa for a brief second wonder what a child Clarke would look like. The image of a five year old Clarke made them smile, but they hastily answered the pouting blonde, with an equally childish remark.

“Mine.”

But Clarke was persistent, and said, “No, we’re sharing.”

Lexa laughed and harnessed her inner Joey from _Friends_ , “I don’t share food,” but the pout on the blonde’s face was irresistible and after several fluttered eye lashes, Lexa held the box over to her and let her dig her used chop sticks into their box. Anyone else this would be unacceptable, but they had put their tongue down the woman’s throat so sharing a box of orange chicken should not be an issue. Though it kind of was.

They ate in silence. Both still coming down from the third almost sexual encounter. They both knew it was good that the food arrived, but both were still heated and tense. Lexa still made an attempt to not look at the blonde still in only her shirt and panties. It made things worse that the shirt was white and tight, leaving nothing to Lexa’s imagination, as Clarke pushed up from her belly and into the seated position. Lexa was not sure how the shirt was still on, since the neck line was tattered and worn. It was then that Lexa realized that Clarke cared absolutely nothing for material possessions. She cared for things she loved, like a worn white t-shirt of a questionably safe electric car. 

 _Maybe she’ll tell me the story of that short someday._ And it was just a flicker of hope, but it was hope none the less, which scared Lexa.

“I was in a relationship that ended badly,” Lexa shared, not sure who it was that those words came from their lips. Clarke didn’t look up from the chow mein that she was still twisting around her sticks; she just listened.

Lexa could tell that Clarke was waiting for more, so they went with it, knowing that Clarke didn’t ask questions. No, Clarke waited for people to talk to her.

“Her name was Costia and I was going to propose after I met her family. But she left me.” Clarke looked up and watched as Lexa stared intently into the orange chicken box. She reached over and placed a hand on Lexa’s thigh, her fingers running lightly over the skin still enclosed in the baggy capris, but no matter, the touch made Lexa feel lighter.

“I thought everything was great, but when we were about to take the trip to see them, she asked me not to mention the fact that I am… different.” They wiped a tear from their eye before it was able to fall.

“We fought for the first time over something that I couldn’t change. It turns out that she had an issue with me not being normal. Four years of us together. I should have known something was off when it took four years for her to want to take me to meet her family,” and they couldn’t save the next tears as they made their way from eyes to chin. Dripping down to the food box and the top, which smelled so heavenly of Clarke, that they are wearing.

“Lexa, you are normal,” Clarke whispered, saying the words that they wished could be true, but couldn’t see as possible when they were so alone in this world.

“I didn’t run then,” they explained. They wanted her to understand that they had once tried to change, but it had failed. “But I watched her walk out the door as she said she couldn't introduce me as “it” to her parents. And I just embedded that fear into me. I ran away from home when I was sixteen because my parents couldn’t accept me… four years together… and I just got scared. I was scared that you would… that your kid… I just don’t know how to be with people… alone for so long.”

Their hands were shaking and they reached up and wiped the snot from their nose with the back of their hand, “I have never been so angry. I hit the wall and busted the dry wall. Along with a few of my fingers.”

“I’m sorry, Lexa. But she sounds like a bitch,” Clarke answered softly, pulling the body into her. The food fell from their hands and they wrapped themself around her. Burying their face into her chest.

They sob for several minutes, as Clarke runs her fingers gently over Lexa’s back and presses her lips to the curls. They feel the pressure in their chest lessen and breathing becomes easier as she is touching them. But it’s the blonde’s words that really sink into her, as she states, “I’m not going anywhere, Lexi.”

Because Clarke doesn’t run from fear, she runs in a rescues those in fear. Those in pain. And they were in both.

“I ran because I know that I could love you, Clarke,” they say quietly, not sure how it was possible they were admitting this to her. “I want to love you, but I’m scared. I’m scared of not being normal for you. I am scared of being your rebound. I’m scared of losing not only you but that kid, because I want to be apart of your family. I’m scared that she’ll never want me.”

**~Clarke~**

Clarke absorbs all the words that Lexa shared with he, as Lexa fell asleep in her bed. She watched as they breathed in and out steadily. Pressing her lips to the other’s head, she moved from the bed and pulled on a jacket before exiting the room.

Standing outside the cold biting at her, Clarke thinks of what it would mean to be in a relationship with Lexa. She thinks of what Octavia would say if she told her that this is what she wants. Octavia hated Finn and never hid it. Would she get over Lexa’s reaction; over Clarke’s tears? Would she reject their relationship?

Clarke knew about Octavia’s relationship with Monroe, even though the two girls were very subtle about it. It was really the way that Monroe watched Octavia. The same way Lincoln did. But Lincoln hadn’t stood a chance in their first few years because the girl wanted nothing to do with men. She probably didn’t want anything to do with women either because that Lincoln had told her about the first time they met was over a girl trying to take advantage of the very drunk teen. But Monroe was safe for Octavia and seemed to comfort her when nothing else would.

But this was Clarke. This was Clarke entering into a relationship that would complicate the girl’s life further. And she wondered if that was the right thing to do. She wondered if Octavia would be okay with her choosing Lexa Trikru.

She knew it was late, but she needed to talk with her daughter. She needed to know they could be on the same page, so she ceased flipping the phone in her fingers and instead pressed the button that brought up the girl’s goofy face.

The phone rang several times and when the teen answered the phone, Clarke could hear several of the girl’s yelling at each other in the background.

 _“Hey, Griffin,”_ Octavia answered softly but loudly, and the greeting bit. They had moved away from Griffin years ago and Octavia now only used her last name when she meant to hurt her. And it did. Everytime. But Clarke didn’t tell her. Clarke just let her poke, because that was how Octavia shared her pain. She shared it with Clarke through dealing it out, and even though it hurt, it kept the girl from pulling the blades from the razors and slicing into her hips. So Clarke would take it.

“Hey, baby,” Clarke began. “Can we talk for a minute?”

 _“Yeah, hold on,”_ Clarke could hear as the teen moved from the loud room into somewhere quieter. _“Ok, what’s up?”_

“So… I need to talk with you about Lexa,” Clarke waits but Octavia doesn’t say anything. “I care for them.”

 _“I know,”_ the girl says quietly but nothing else.

“And how do you feel about that. Because dating me is not just dating me. It’s you and me, kid. I can’t make important decisions without you because it’s our family,” Clarke explained her stance, hoping that the girl understood that she was important in this decision.

What she didn’t expect was the girl to bite back, “ _Didn’t stop you with Finn._ ” This is was not where she had foreseen their conversation going, and she hadn’t realized that her relationship with Finn had hurt Octavia so much. But then, she should have. He was her counselor at the youth center. That was how they had met. And Clarke realized that dating Finn may have felt like a betrayal to the girl.

“Baby, what do you mean?”

She listened as she heard the teen sniff in the phone, “ _You never asked me. You just brought him home. He was nice but he didn’t care about you. I could have told you that. In fact I did tell you. But you didn't listen to me. You were… so focused on… him.”_ And then Clarke heard the sniff turn into the tears, as the girls voice broke slightly. Clarke shivered slightly as a breeze hit her, but the sound of the girl was the only thing on her mind.

“Baby, I screwed up. I am so sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that strongly about it. I won’t lie I just thought you were jealous.”

 _“Mom,”_ and this caused Clarke to catch her breath because O never called her Mom. She went from Griffin to full blown Mom in a matter of minutes, and the emotions of having her daughter accept her full almost overwhelmed her.   _“I want you to be happy. All I have seen is them do is play games with you.”_

Clarke considers if Lexa makes her happy. Safe, yes. Grounded, yes. But happy. She didn’t really know yet. “O, where are you?”

_“The room. In the bathroom.”_

“Okay, give me a few. I need to see you, okay?”

 _“Yeah, okay,”_ the girl answer and then she ends the call.

Clarke went back into the room and saw Lexa sleeping soundly. She considered taking the keys but felt that was not the best plan, the way that Lexa drove that car made it seem like it meant the world to them, and she was not about to cross that boundary.

Instead she moved to the bed and rubbed on Lexa’s back softly. Watching as their breathing shifted and they stirred slightly, but not waking up. So she spoke, as she rubbing her palm against them with a little more pressure.

“Lexa, honey,” she cooed. “Lexi, I need to go see O.”

Lexa’s eyes opened up widely and they sat up almost in a panic that caused the blonde to jump away from them. They saw her reaction and the bewilderment in their eyes only grew, but they asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, she just needs me,” Clarke said softly, moving closer to them and placing a hand to their face. “Can you drive me?” she asked, thinking that maybe they would just tell her take the car and go. But they didn’t. In fact they moved with such haste that it through Clarke for a minute, as though Lexa wanted to be a part of what ever rescue mission she was on for the girl.

“Yes, of course,” and Lexa was off the bed almost immediately. They looked at Clarke and then they started laughing.

“What is so funny?” Clarke asked, eye brows scrunched up in the center, utterly confused as to what would make Lexa laugh at her as though she had grown another head.

“You have your jacket on, so I assume you went outside, but you may also want to put some pants on, Clarke.” Looking down, Clarke realized for the first time that she had been standing in the entryway of the hotel in nothing but her jacket and panties.


	14. Chapter 14

**~Octavia~**

Clarke went to speak with Anya and Echo about taking Octavia for an hour. Even though she was the parent, she knew that the coaches were the teen’s guardians at the moment. As she walked to the room, Lexa and Octavia sat in the car watching the woman they both loved standing in front of the large woman that intimidated the hell out of her.

She can see Clarke at her coaches’ door talking to Anya. Clarke looked so small next to Anya, the coach that never smiled and always pushed for more. She was a history teacher just like Lexa, and Octavia wondered if they were close that her mother, Jasper, Monty, and all of the other nerdy teachers that she had book club with once a month.

Neither bodies in the car knew what to say, so neither spoke. The tension was dense in the small car that was fogging up slightly from both of their warm breath. Octavia wondered why they had to be here. Why couldn’t they just send her mother with the car to see her? Were they that controlling that they were edging her out already. Making it so she couldn’t see Clarke without seeing them?

Lexa strummed the steering wheel with a few fingers, and for some reason it was making the teen nervous, so in turn, she bounced her leg in the back seat, shaking the whole car.

“What’s takin’ so long?” Octavia asks, breaking the silence, hoping to get some sort of reaction from Lexa, but Lexa just shrugs. _Well that was helpful. Quite the conversationalist,_ Octavia thought. _Maybe they don’t care enough to actually speak to me. What if their pissed because I interrupted them trying to have sex again? What if they just don’t like me? What if they are just going to tolerate me for one more year and then get Clarke to stop talking to me like she doesn’t talk to Abby?_

With the what ifs running rampant through her mind, her uneasiness only grew. “So…” Octavia says, shaking her leg a little harder.

Lexa looks over their shoulder and back at Octavia. “Is there something you would like to ask me?” Their eyes were flat, as though they were wearing a mask and Octavia would be lying if it wasn’t intimidating as hell. However, the intimidation only worked on Octavia to an extent, because the indifference in their tone just solidified within Octavia that she was once again just a byproduct of Clarke Griffin, and would be a temporary fixture in their lives before she was gone and they didn’t have to deal with her anymore.

“Uh… So you still want this? Even after me… and Raven?” the girl’s eyes met Lexa’s but they were wider as though they were preparing for an attack. All of the snark and fire in Octavia was missing in this moment because she wanted Clarke to be happy and if Lexa made her happy then she wasn’t going to fight it. Even if it hurt.

“Do you feel guilty?” they asked.

“Who are you; fucking Socrates? Can’t you just answer my question?” And the fire was back, along with a determined set jaw. Octavia was tired of Lexa’s game of deflection. She needed to trust that Clarke was going to be okay with them; that they wouldn’t hurt her again. Folding her arms over her chest, she glared at the green eyes and pinprick pupils staring back at her.

Nothing is said so she adds, “You have like a minute, because she is already at the stairs.” Lexa looks back and can see that indeed Clarke was returning.

“Yes,” they answer simply, and Octavia’s not sure why the minimal answers are pressing on all of her nerves because they weren’t giving her anything to work, and she was trying.

“That’s it!” the teen yells dramatically, throwing her hands in the air with her face falling in exasperation. Glancing at the front of the car, she sees that Clarke hasn’t noticed the animated conversation taking place in the car.

Lexa turns around quickly glaring at the teen, and they saw the bewildered look return making them calm a little. Throw gritted teeth they state, “Fine, I will give you a very very brief explication. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were protecting her. But know that while you think you are tough, I was raised in a complete military household trained to defend and protect myself at all costs. So no I was not threatened by you,” Lexa was speaking so fast that Octavia could not respond just nod. “As for Raven, I do not know the woman to hold anything against her. Your mother is amazing, as are you. I cannot blame her for trying. Anyone would be a fool not to.”

And Octavia sees Clarke steps away, as Lexa is still glaring at her. Eyes wide, she says softly, “She’s like five feet away, so you need to like make your face look nice again,” and within a moment the passenger’s door opened.

**~Clarke~**

They found a Denny’s a few streets away and all piled into a booth tucked into a corner that was a good distance from the other patrons. Lexa and Octavia sat down on opposite sides, leaving Clarke with a choice of a side. And this was going to be a huge decision. There could be substantial consequences for this initial seating arrangement that would develop the power positions of the potential family being made tonight.

_Shit! If I sit with Lexa, then I have once again chosen a lover over O. If I sit with O, then Lexa is marked as an outsider._

The hostess, a small blonde with a stained purple shirt, stood there staring at Clarke as she looked back and forth between the two bodies already seated.

“Is everything okay?” the small dirty blond asked, and the confusion in her voice does not go unnoticed by Clarke.

With a sweet smile, she learned after years of Octavia blowing up at her, she answered, “Yeah, we’re all good. If you could excuse us please, that would be greatly appreciated.” The girl gave Clarke a puzzled look, but took the opportunity to leave without any further questions.

Once the unflattering polo was out of sight, Clarke turned to the table and said, “Nope, not like this.” Pointing at Lexa, “You, over there next to _my_ kid.” And Clarke knew that she had emphasized whose kid Octavia was, so that Lexa would understand that they needed to get this, but also so that Octavia would know that above all else, she was hers.

Lexa didn’t question Clarke, just slid gracefully from the wall on the one side and moved to the other side of the booth. But their eyes show their immediate discomfort at being seated next to the teenager. Octavia did just as much but literally moving closer to the wall to avoid bodily contact with the teacher, even pulling her Grounder Softball windbreaker closer to her, so that Lexa could not even touch the material of an open zipper.

Once the two were settled into their seat, Clarke sat on the opposite side of the table where she could see them both. And what she saw scared the crap out of her, because both party looked like they may be partially dying.  

She doesn’t know where to start, she just lays it out from them all, “So, we are here to discuss if this,” and she waves her hands to indicate the three of them, “can start something that is not more painful or detrimental to the one, while the other two live in a happy bubble of their own.”

 

“A happy bubble. Seriously?” Octavia snaps with one eyebrow lifted and lips pursed. Clarke looked at her daughter, who at least had quit clinging to herself. Placing her hands on the table, she rolled the silverware roll between her fingers, while glaring at her mom. “Let’s be real, you wanna shack up with them and you want my permission.” Clarke saw that the girl who had been vulnerable only twenty minutes prior was back to being her broody self.

 _I think she is kind of calling me a slut_ , Clarke realized and it made her uncomfortable because it was her responsibility to teach the girl about healthy relationships. _Fuck. She thinks I just want to have sex._

“No, that’s not what I am asking for,” Clarke says firmly, but glanced to Lexa with pleading eyes. However, Lexa for the first time since it seems like they met was not looking at her. Instead they were staring at the booth across the walkway. And Clarke begins to wonder if, _maybe this was a bad idea._

“Momma G,” pulls Clarke from her apparent staring at Lexa, because Clarke didn’t know why but the words bit after being called Mom not even an hour before. The teen was pulling away from her, she could almost see it as the girl attempted to match the mask that the stoic body beside her had put on. “I jus-“

“Nope,” Clarke interrupts. Not her most mature manner of handling things but it worked for both sets of eyes were on her now, “We cannot do this if you both pull back into your shell when the other is around. I can’t have a broody, obnoxious teen running around the house doing crazy shit and throwing tantrums just to get a rise out of my partner. AND I can’t have a stoic recluse wandering in and out of my life, making my broody teenager uncomfortable and unsure if they are here to stay or not. So, we are going to talk like adults now, or we can all go back to our _separate_ hotel rooms and return to life as it was just this morning.”

Neither move, so Clarke tries again, “Look, Lex, I know that you have intentionally been parking your car next to mine and trying to talk to me. Which tells me you want this is be something, but this is my kid. She is the most important person in my life and she is hear for the long haul. You don’t get me without her, but you don’t get me if she is not convinced you want her either,” and she turned to Octavia who she could only hope really embraced what she had said,  “O, you tried so hard to sabotage what fucked up relationship Finn and I had. And I won’t lie, it hurt and it made things really difficult. I can’t do that again, so you have a say, kid. You have a say to who is in our lives. If you say no I will respect that, even if it hurts.”

A throated cleared from behind Clarke, “Can I get y’all something to drink?”

**~Lexa~**

Clarke looked to her daughter, instructing her to order with nothing but her eyes. Lexa found the mother-daughter relationship between the two interesting, because they really didn’t know what a relationship at that age should look like since they left home so early.

Glancing briefly over the menu, the girl asked for, “Soda, diet… Coke.”

“With a water,” Clare adds as the teen glares at her for taking away some of her autonomy. “And I’ll have a diet and water as well,” she requests with the same fake smile she used on the hostess. Lexa felt relief that until now, Clarke had never shown them that fake smile, the one that never met her eyes. They noticed the mother turn back to the girl though who was still glaring, and stated, “Stop looking at me like that O, you need to be hydrated for tomorrow. So you want soda great but you’re having water too.”

The waitress was waiting on Lexa, but they were not paying attention, because there was too much for them to learn about the Griffins by just watching what they do and how they spoke with one another. So fa they had learned, both were blunt, used the word fuck A LOT, and loved each other in a way that Lexa wasn’t even sure could be real.

“And for you?” the girl asked, pulling all uncomfortable attention back on them.

“Water.” One word was safer than many.

They can’t look at the blonde that was still waiting on the teen. Because the teen had a lot of power right now, and Lexa was shifting uncomfortably against the strange material of the seat, that squeaked every single time they moved. They can’t look at Clarke, so instead they look at the desert menu, because Clarke’s kid still isn’t talking. But to give her credit they really had only said a word. So maybe they needed to say something. However, pulling away was so easy.

Really easy in fact when the blasted voice in their head made their fears into truths for them: _The girl doesn’t want you. This isn’t going to work._

“So, what’s it going to be?” they hear her ask them and the kid still gripping the silverware, but Lexa could only seem to focus on the pulsing of blood in their ears, trying to block out the stupid voice reiterating their inferiority.

But Octavia says, “Okay.” It’s a little reluctant and a little closed off, but she agreed to talk with one condition that made Lexa want to smile, but the mask fixated on their face help their lips and eyes in place. “But, only if I get pie.”

Lexa looked at the teen really for the first time, taking in her profile. The took in her tanned skin from the hours practicing in the sun. They noticed how her eyes were an almost unnatural shade of green that brightened her darker features. Her teeth straight and white, and they wondered if Clarke had put out the thousands of dollars it took to get kids to have teeth like that. But then she turned, with her eyes so cold and strong, and it seemed like she too completed her own analysis. She looked at their jaw, at their lips, at their nose and their ears. Lastly at their eyes. The eyes that stared back at her, and pleaded without a word for a chance. Just a chance to prove themself.  

Then she nodded at them, as fi she wanted them to agree with her. Agree with pie. Like they had agreed to purchasing raffle tickets that they didn’t want. Because she asked them too, without asking. Because maybe this is how one becomes a parent. To communicate as warriors in a battle, using only eyes and slight gestures. Well they could be that parent. So they nod back, and turn the girl’s beautiful mother and said, “Yes, pie is necessary,” as they thought, _maybe._

**~Octavia~**

Anger was always an easy first reaction. When she found out about Lexa, she was angry. When Lexa hurt the only person that she cared for, she was seething. When they showed up at her house and then her game this afternoon, she didn’t know what to think other than, ‘sabotage.’

She knew she was being selfish. She knew that Lexa was just as messed up at she was. But she wanted more than fucked up for Clarke. Her mother was someone that did for others, but Octavia felt that she deserved someone to support her in that endeavor of saving the world, not just being another person to save.

Even then though Octavia knew her motivation was selfish, because she didn’t want Clarke saving anyone else but her. Clarke was her mom and she wasn’t really interested in sharing her. Even with her older brother, she didn’t share Clarke. The boy was barely younger than Clarke was so adopting him had never made since, but Octavia kept those spheres of her life mostly separate. 

Clarke deserved better than Lexa, in Octavia’s opinion. She deserved better than to be left at a Starbucks. And how would this even work. She had a listen of questions, but couldn’t determine which to ask.

Number one, _Did Lexa even want kids?_

But also, _What happens when they decide they want a family?_

And lastly but maybe the most important question for Octavia was, _How do I fit in this relationship?_

“Octavia, you’re thinking so loudly. Please, say what's on your mind,” Clarke’s voice practically begged from the opposite side of the table. Their pie was in front of them all. Six different flavors so that they could get a variety, and Octavia hadn’t missed that Lexa had only eaten two bites from the first pieces their tried. But once someone else took a bite, they wouldn’t touch it.  This annoyed Octavia because it made her feel like Lexa thought she had cooties or something worse. But she was clean as can be because that was one thing Clarke was adamant about, check-ups and staying safe. Maybe it was Abby being a big shot surgeon and teaching her daughter all about germs, but still she was clean and Lexa was being a snob.

Glaring over that blonde, she thought, _You put me here on purpose. Next to her- them. Shit. Can I get use to that?_

“So are you like gay?” she asks to both of them, not really wanting to start with the more sensitive questions.

Clarke looks up with an eyebrow cocked, “You know that I do not classify as straight or gay, O. It is the person that matters.” Which, she did know because Clarke had told her that when she caught Monroe and her making out on her bed. She had wanted Octavia to be safe about being who she wanted, so she had confessed that she too enjoyed the female body, though had had very limited experience with is.

“I don’t really fit into a category,” Lexa supplies, and Octavia is shocked when they speak more. “Sexuality categorizations are too linked to gender that no label really fits.” They are looking at the half-eaten pie when they answer, and probably wishing that Octavia hadn’t licked her fork before trying that piece. She felt a smidgen of guilt but really not that much.

Looking at Lexa, she decides she is going to ask them if they are a germaphobe. “Can I ask questions?” Octavia started with and Lexa nodded, waiting patiently.

But she didn’t ask if they were a germaphobe, because instead the big question popped out, “Do you want kid?”

“Yes.”

Well, she went there, so might as well stay on topic. “So what happens then?” Octavia asks, and Clarke knows that this is not a question directed at just Lexa.

**~Clarke~**

“What are you asking, O?” Clarke asked; even though she had her own presumptions that just sent a wave of sadness through her. _She doesn’t feel like we’re a family.’ And Clarke’s heart broke._

But Octavia doesn’t hesitate to fill in exactly what she means, leaving no room for interpretation.

“I mean when you guys start popping out babies, where do I fit. I mean at least I am not as odd because I look like them,” she says pointing a thumb at Lexa, “ but I am still too old to fit. Are you just going to wait until I go to college and be done with me?” The question was, if Octavia was wanted. The question was if Clarke would want Octavia if she chooses to have more kids. And Clarke blamed her kids reaction on Finn and her mother. Because those two really had done a number on her kid, and she hadn’t realized her pain until now. Until tears fell like a sudden summer monsoon.

The biggest thing is that Clarke realized also this seating arrangement sucked now. All the effort in trying to maintain neutrality left her daughter alone in her tears. She couldn’t reach the girl.

_Have I ever reached her? She thinks she doesn’t belong with me._

But then it happened.

~Lexa~

Lexa reached over wrapped their arms around the girl. They were pulling the girl’s head into their chest, and it felt weird and right. They hadn’t hugged anyone in five years besides Clarke and all of those were the purpose of getting as close as possible to the blonde so that they could touch her and kiss her. This is not the case with Octavia. They are hugging her, because she was a kid and she needed a hug. But they had never hugged a kid before, so really they didn’t know if what they were doing was right or wrong.

_Is there a right way to hug a kid when its your potential girlfriend’s kid? Students it was don’t touch and if you have to it’s a side hug. But I’m hugging her so I hope I’m doing this right._

They let the girl cry into their chest, and they feel her tears seeping through the thin t-shirt material. Softly they tell her, “No.”

_Say more._

_No is not enough._

_Tell her you will love her forever._

_Tell her you want to be her parent._

_SAY SOMETHING!_

Octavia looked up at them, but they didn’t release her. They didn’t seem to think that she was done yet, and they didn’t want her to feel like they were pulling away. So they just looked at her, as she studied them. She studied their eyes mostly, and Lexa wondered if it was true you could see someone’s soul there. Because when they looked at Octavia they saw fear and pain. And it hurt their heart to know that the girl is here with Clarke because she had to walk through areas of hell that they had managed to avoid.  They wondered if that is what she saw in them. Because they were afraid and they were hurting from years of being alone.

She doesn’t say anything, and they find some words. Now they can only hope that they are the right words.

“You asked if I wanted children.” She nods. “Well, you are a part of those children that I want.”

And the head is buried into their chest and hair again. They held her head to their slight bosom, and they leaned their cheek to her very soft and delicious smelling hair that they feel must be a Griffin secret, because Clarke always smelled amazing too. Opening their eyes, they see Clarke watching them hold her baby, and her eyes are sad and Lexa thinks its because she is not the one to hold her. But Lexa reaches across the table carefully not to touch the pies, and they feel Clarke take their hand in hers. And they try the subconscious communication that they felt had worked with the kid.

Using only their eyes, they begged, _Please, love me._


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people were concerned about the absence of Raven; you ask I provide.

**~Lexa~**

When the tears dried that night, the three found themselves closer. Lexa for the first time in years was apart of something, not just a person but a potential parent. They drove as the girl chatted about the next day’s games, and her concerns with the teams they may be facing.  They enjoyed the easiness that the teen had begun to interact with them.

Once the girl was safe in her room, and Clarke and Lexa had met briefly with Anya, who Clarke had apparently not realized was  somewhat of a friend to Lexa. Really Anya was Lexa’s mentor teacher for their first year at the school, and they had shared a few evenings together at the local sports bar discussing students and sports.

They arrived back at the hotel where Clarke and Lexa was staying, later than anticipated after Lexa had to pull into a CVS and pick up the necessary toiletry items to maintain their desired level of cleanliness. Checking the clock in the room, Lexa hadn’t realized it was already midnight, and at the sight of the number exhaustion had begun to seep into their bones.

Clarke reached around them and pulled their body back into her. She pressed a soft kiss to their neck and they closed their eyes at her warm breath sending waves of warmth echoing through their being.

“Stay with me tonight?” she asked, and they weren’t sure how they could deny the woman. So they nodded.

Clarke pulled at the shirt they were wearing, but they hold her hands still. They whisper, “Can we maybe take it a little slower?”  They feel her tense slightly, and they realize that she is thinking they are closing up again.

Turning to face the tired blue eyes, they pull her flush with them, “I am very attracted to you Clarke. I want to have you screaming my name,” they confess. “But… I want to take my time with you and right now, we have had an emotionally draining day that I could not last long,” they run a finger over her jaw, as they continue, “and I want to last a long, long time with you, until your body is so spent you cannot focus.”

They feel her hand on their face, and a fingers, blocking their lips. She looks at them, and says, “If you keep talking like that I will not be able to wait, so let’s just hold the teasing there, please.”

A seductive smile crossed their face, as they pressed a simple kiss to her cheek and she pulled them towards her bed. They watched her drop her pants at the side of the bed, and crawl below the covers, holding them open for Lexa. It was their turn and suddenly they were shyly standing by, trying to not look like this is the first time they had been naked in front of a woman in several years.

“Am I making you nervous,” the blonde asks as she sits propped up on one elbow watching them.

“You’re just watching me, and its scary,” they admit. _What if she doesn’t like what she sees?_ But then she is back a the side of bed, and she locks with their eyes as she places her hands on the button of their borrowed capris.

“May I?” and they swallow as they nod to her request. It is not seductive, rather just simple and careful, as she undoes the pants and slowly guides them down their thighs, her fingers, caressing their bronze skin ever so softly. The exhale fo breath they hadn’t realize they were holding was sweet release and they regret asking for the slow down, because they were awake now. They were awaken and their core was pooling moisture, and _holy shit her hands are coming back up_.

“Clarke,” they warn, as her hands are now settled on the edges of their boy shorts. Lexa grasps the woman’s hands and moves them away from them, without letting go.

She states, with an unapologetic smile, “Sorry, Lex. It’s just you’re beautiful and I like to touch beautiful things.”

Lexa shakes their head and they guide her back to the bed and pinning her hands above her head. She smiled at them, as they hover over her body, pressing their thigh to her center and position themself over her. They don’t expect her to grind into them mercilessly as they have her pinned to the bed, but they can’t deny that her writhing below them was making it extremely difficult to maintain their composure.

“Clarke,” and her eyes lock with theirs as they stare down at her. “You will stop trying to convince me to take you right now, or I will tease you and then go to sleep in my own bed.”

They hoped that they had not been too controlling, but in bed being in command was the only way they were comfortable. But they watched as Clarke’s eyes grew dark and lustful, and they wondered if Clarke was one to release control in this space. They had yet to see her give up her control over anything, but as she lay below them, she did not move. She seemed to even calm slightly.

They removed their grip from her hands and watched as she remained in position, not moving from where they left her. _Interesting._

“Choose your side,” they say and watch as she moves to the left side of the bed immediately without questioning them. She laid facing them, and they crawled in next to her.

They laid down on their back, fighting the urge to roll to her and sink their digits within her taking her to the edge of oblivion. Not because they wanted to get her off but because Lexa wanted to be the cause of her ultimate pleasure.

Clarke shifted in the bed next to them, and they felt her getting closer. “Commander, maybe I?” she asks, and the name sends a shiver up them, but they fought the growing desire within them, and they  moved their arm, so that the blonde could rest her head on their shoulder. At the invitation, she moved into them and wrapped a leg over theirs and a hand across their middle. This was definitely something they could get use too.

Gradually, Clarke submitted to her own exhaustion and her breathing evened out. Lexa listened and felt her leg twitch slightly next to them. They pressed their lips to her hair and inhaled her scent. “I love you, Clarke,” and they hadn’t expected the words to come out but they couldn’t deny that even though they had known her for such a small amount of time they couldn’t deny themself this truth.

**~Clarke~**

At the end of the weekend, Clarke found herself not playing a mediator between the adult and teen, rather the third leg to a stool that she didn’t have to support a majority of the weight. And Octavia felt safe and secure. The sense of security fueled the teen for the remainder of the weekend as she led her team to a championship.

They managed to maintain a minimal sense of control, keeping their clothes on in the private time within their hotel room. Minimal basically meant that they kept their interactions to heavy make outs and intense petting on the exterior to clothing. Clarke found Lexa’s command relaxing, even though her sexual frustration grew with every stop of continuance.

On Sunday, Lexa and Clarke began their trip back to Phoenix after the girls were loaded onto the bus with their first place trophy. The ride this time was not made in silence, rather the two voices discussed where they were in regards to dating.

 “I have only been in one relationship,” Lexa reminded Clarke . “I am not sure how dating is suppose to work, because I have never really dated. We just kind of started being and that was that.”

“Well, we can high school date or we can adult date,” Clarke states, providing Lexa the level of exclusivity they would prefer to begin. But Clarke began to wonder if Lexa was correct in holding back. _We had the make this a family conversation with O but can I commit to someone yet?_ Clarke thought.

“What’s the difference?” Lexa asks keeping their eyes on the rode. Clarke can’t help but notice how stiff Lexa looks when they are driving, arms locked, eyes staring hard straight ahead with the periodic eye movement just to check the mirrors.

Clarke reaches over and runs her hand over the back of Lexa’s neck with just her finger tips. She smiled when their body literally shivered from the base to their head. Continuing her ministrations, Clarke explained, “Well, adult dating is where we go out and get to know each other. It is not exclusive, but rather open so that if in a few dates you decide I am crazy and a slob then you don’t have to commit to me.”

Lexa nodded, but Clarke can tell that something was troubling them. She waited as Lexa was considering their options.

“But that means you could date others?” they ask.

And Clarke understands their question as one of insecurity. _They are worried that I will find another._

“Yes,” she answers honestly, watching them for any reaction, but she gets none.

“Hmmm, what’s the other option?” and Clarke ran her fingers over the smooth neck again, this time applying light pressure to the base of Lexa’s skull in gentle circles, playing with the tight curls that did not quite reach the bun. Clarke watched as Lexa closed their eyes and opened them several times. She realized the power in this touch made her body warm.

“High school dating is not dating. It is when we decide to be exclusive and just make a commitment to jump right in. This is the type of dating I always yell at the kids about because it seems to end really quickly,” Clarke says, still watching Lexa closely.

“I don’t think I can handle seeing you dating another. I could barely handle seeing your mark on Raven’s throat,” Lexa states earnestly. Before Clarke can reassure them, though, they abruptly change the topic, “If you don’t cease touching me like that, I may lose control and the result could potentially cause serious physical harm or even death in a moving vehicle this size.”

Clarke put her hand firmly to the back of Lexa’s neck, “Seriously! Did you suggest that me touching you is going to make you drive us off the road and kill us? Isn’t that a little extreme?”

Lexa smiled. “Clarke, how can I answer your question, if you just fire another one at me before a response is to my lips?”

Clarke let out a breath of exasperation, shaking her head. “O is right, you do think you are Socrates.”

“I am not Socrates, but he was a very intelligent being; therefore, I will take the correlation as a compliment. More to the point though, I think I would prefer high school dating. I don’t want to share you.”

“So we are going to do this then?” 

**~Octavia~**

Monroe and Octavia were smooshed against each other in the back of the yellow school bus, when Octavia’s phone sounded a text alert. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out the phone, while Monroe continued running her fingers through Octavia’s hair.

Looking at Monroe, she says, “It’s my mom. I bet she is going to ask about sleep overs with Trikru.”

“Are you upset that she wants to sleep with Trikru?” her friend asked, btu then added, “I mean though can you blame her. Trikru is hot. Like I don’t know how I will be able to sit in her class next year.”

“Their class,” Octavia corrected.

Monroe nodded, “Oh yeah. That’s cool we can get use to that.”

 

Momma G:

| 

I have a question.  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

Is it about Uhauling, because seriously Finn just left.  
  
 

Pulling up the message to Raven, Octavia shot her a text. She wasn’t sure if Raven was still at the house but she hoped so.

 

Octavia:

| 

I think mom is going to ask me if Trikru can uhaul.  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

Ha! She wants to have sex.    
  
 

Octavia held the phone over to Monroe who read the message. Her friend laughed a little, and shook her head. Octavia felt Monroe’s hand moved from her hair and just dropped over her arm.

“O, you have to let her have a life too. And if she wants to get it on with Trikru, then let her,” the girl said.

Octavia signed and leaned back into her friend. She hoped that this intimacy didn’t hurt her friend, or give her false hope that they could be something again. She loved Monroe, but not in the way that Monroe deserved to be loved.

“I don't want her falling into bed with Trikru and then it doesn’t work and she feels all lousy again,” Octavia tried to explain.

 

Momma G:

| 

Kind of. I wanted to talk with you about sleep overs.  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

Their not like moving in right?  
  
 

| 

You can have sex without have living together  
  
 

| 

Just let me know or put a sock on the door.  
  
 

The phone dinged again, ad she switched to Raven’s message.

 

Raven:

| 

You didn’t have a problem when it was me she was dragging to her bed.  
  
---|---  
  
 

Monroe read the message over her shoulder and laughed, because Octavia had cared. In fact they had spent a great deal of time on the phone that night discussing how much Octavia was upset by the fact that Clarke had taken Raven to bed.

“You never told them did you?” she asked, and the lack of response from Octavia told her no, Octavia did not discuss with Clarke being uncomfortable with Clarke’s drunken need for a partner in bed. Monroe knew it was linked to the girl’s prior experience with her drunken step-father and she had begged Octavia to talk about it with Clarke, but the girl was not one for sharing.

 

Octavia:

| 

Yes, I did. But she needed to hold someone and you were more than willing. What was I to say?  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

It’s just sex. You have sex with Lincoln.    
  
Octavia:

| 

No. We haven’t  
  
 

Switching back to the message with Clarke, Octavia read her mother’s response.

 

Momma G:

| 

did that and you still came in.  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

Trust me I don’t want to see what you are going to do to the poor poly sci teacher.  
  
Momma G:

| 

What does that mean?  
  
Octavia:

| 

Raven and you made out and it was gross. But seriously Trikru is like super intense, I have a feeling that’s going to be loud.  
  
 

Octavia:

| 

Are you going to leave?  
  
---|---  
  
Raven:

| 

I doubt Trikru will want me around after what I did.     
  
Octavia:

| 

Just don't try to give her anymore hickeys  
  
Raven:

| 

Ha! She gave me hickeys. I still look like a leopard.  
  
Octavia:

| 

Ewww….  
  
Raven:

| 

No, mmmmm.  
  
Octavia:

| 

OMG, I may puke. Next you’re going to try to get with Dr. Griffin.  
  
Raven:

| 

Dose she look like your mom?  
  
Octavia:

| 

OMG! Stop!  
  
 

 

 “I can’t stop this, can I?” she asked her friend. But Monroe didn’t answer.

 

Momma G:

| 

OMG, O! stop.  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

I don’t want to listen to you two have sex until I go to college .  
  
Momma G:

| 

Ok :(  
  
Octavia:

| 

I want a set of beats by dre.  
  
   
  
 

Raven:

| 

I have. But hot moms 

are something of a weakness.  
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

but youre talking about Abby Griffin and she is a bitch  
  
Raven:

| 

but she is your mom’s mom. Like that is super mom hotness if she looks like your mom.  
  
Octavia:

| 

I don’t think we can be friends anymore.  
  
Raven:

| 

Can I get your grandma’s phone number first  
  
 

| 

I can be your Grandma #2  
  
Octavia:

| 

I’m going to vomit on this bus.  
  
 

| 

Can you like stop trying to sleep with my whole family.  
  
 

Momma G:

| 

That’s what it will take. You don’t care about living arrangements.

   
  
---|---  
  
Octavia:

| 

What! The troll is moving in?!  
  
Momma G:

| 

What no. I meant sleeping arrangements.  
  
Octavia:

| 

Is lexa a slob?  
  
Momma G:

| 

Have you seen Lexa?  
  
Octavia:

| 

True. Tell them to stay out of my bathroom. I'm not becoming a clean freak.  
  
Momma G:

| 

Im more worried about your room. I think something died in there.   
  
Octavia:

| 

Yes, a bit of my soul everytime  I heard you beg Raven to "fuck me"

I will be a soulless serial killer before I get to college, huh?  
  
Momma G:

| 

Probably. But Lexa is getting you new head phones.  
  
Octavia:

| 

I always wanted a rich Mommy.  
  
Momma G:

| 

HA! You have one already!  
  
Octavia:

| 

Wait what do I call them?  
  
Momma G:

| 

… Lexa?  
  
 

Octavia looks back at Monroe, who was now staring out the window. She snuggled in closer to the girl, how hugged her into her side. She was glad that they had remained friends after everything.

“Wanna bet on how long it takes before she has them move in?”

“Two weeks,” Monroe says what a smile.

“I give it four days,” Octavia sighs.

“So soon, huh?”

Octavia nods, and presses her face into Monroe’s crooked arm. “She doesn’t know how to be alone. She thinks that love is sex. Once she starts fucking them, she’ll have them move in. Its what she did with Finn. As soon as she took him to bed, he was moving his stuff in. She needed him there all the time. Its like she needed him to continuously fucking her. I think that's the only way she knows how to hold on to a partner.”

Monroe took a deep breath, before she answered. “Remember that time she caught us?” When Octavia nodded, she continued, “She gave us that talk about how we can love each other without having sex. Well, maybe you need to help her remember that.”

“I’m sorry, Mo,” Octavia said.

Monroe held her tighter, “You’re fine , O. You did what was best. I would have kept you even though your heart wasn’t in it.”

“I love him,” she says.

Monroe nodded, “I know. I’m glad you’re happy.”


	16. Chapter 16

**~Clarke~**

The bus did not make as good of time as the Audi. When Clarke checked in with Octavia, the teen told her they were just outside of the turn off for Prescott, meaning they were still an hour to an hour and half outside of the city.

Once the car was in the park, Clarke pulled Lexa into her and whispered between kisses, “We have some time before O gets home. I’m not saying let’s go all the way but we can enjoy each other some more.”

Lexa’s response was to pull Clarke into a deeper kiss, slipping their tongue into Clarke’s mouth. After a few moments of passionate kisses, Clarke pulled away and hopped out of the car.

Making her way to the house, she heard Lexa moving quickly behind her. As she got close to the door, she was spun around by the brunette and pulled back into another deep kiss. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck, and after an eternity worth of nibbled lips and tongues grazing each other, Clarke felt Lexa’s hands gripped her ass firmly and pulled her up until Clarke wrapped her legs around their hips. She felt slightly uncomfortable, worried that Lexa would realize how heavy she was. But Lexa didn’t show any signs of discomfort under  her weight, so she relaxed some into their grasp.

Lexa forwards, backing Clarke into the door. She found the doorknob and twisted. Lexa lost their balance momentarily as the door gave way from behind the blonde, but they recovered quickly, adjusting their grip on Clarke’s ass. They moved her into the house, and Clarke shut the door behind them.

Once the door was closed, Lexa pushed Clarke into the wall behind the door still holding her. Their thighs kept her propped up, as she felt their hands exploring her sides and then moving up to her breasts, kneading them with a strong touch.

Clarke pulled at the borrowed t-shirt, and Lexa lifted their arms, giving up their assault on her breasts. Clarke almost gasped when she took in the toffee colored skin that had been hidden from her all weekend.

Lexa stood still watching as Clarke took in their firm abdominal region and the perky breasts hidden under a satin black bra.

Biting her lip, her mind reeled, _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Too Perfect._ She realized that her body was nothing but pudgy curves in relation to the Lexa and she began to feel self conscience about showing herself to them earlier.

Looking up, Clarke realized Lexa was smiling as Clarke was admiring their body. With a shrug they say, “I work out a lot.”

“Damn,” she whispers. And then their lips collided in another fierce kiss. Lexa bit the blonde’s lower lip roughly, eliciting loud moans from the woman against the wall.

Clarke felt as Lexa pulled her shirt up and she gave in willingly, enjoying the dominance that Lexa was taking over her body. But she shifted slightly, as Lexa’s eyes were now on her. The momentary self-doubt was crushed though, as Clarke lost her ability to focus on anything but the Lexa’s teeth and soft lips running in sucks and bites down her jaw.

“I want you now,” they say. And Clarke just nods. Lowering her to ground, Lexa expertly undid the woman pants, pulling them down to the ground, kissing the pale supple body of the woman as the pants were removed. Stopping at Clarke’s hip, Lexa kissed and sucked on the exposed skin, just above the panty line.

Clarke’s hands pulled at Lexa’s bun, realeasing the brown curls that she then grasped, trying to push their head lower. She needed more. Needed of Lexa’s lips and tongue.

 

Please,” she begged.

Her pleaded were answered, and she learned that Lexa enjoyed listening to her beg. Clarke decided for Lexa’s touch she was not above begging. Pushing the base of the panties away, Lexa slid a single finger through the drenched folds of the blonde, causing the woman to press further into the wall and moan out another, “Please, Lexa.”

She felt Lexa hum in approval as the pleading, and they slipped a single slim finger through the folds and then penetrated the smooth lips into the warmth of the woman’s apex. This time they were rewarded by Clarke’s gasped.

 

**~Lexa~**

_Slowly. Make her beg,_ they tell themself. Their lips hovered over the prize they had denied themself all weekend, inhaling the musky sweet scent of the pleading woman above them.

Lexa pumped into the partially naked form with the single digit, feeling her walls gripping their finger as they slid it within at a tortuously slow speed. They felt as the woman in their hands pushed at their head, but they stubbornly moved their lips over the panty line leaving a long line of hickeys until they reached her other hip.

“Please, Lexa. More,” the woman begged. They really enjoyed her pleads and the control that they had over how much they would give her. They wanted to encourage this behavior so they added another digit.

They felt the strength in their partner, as she pulled their head harshly into her panties. Their nose buried into the wet matieral. They placed their open mouth over the material and breathed a gust of hot air out and into the material.

“Fuck,” she cried out. “Fuck me, Lexa.”

They picked up their thrusts slightly.

A toilet flushed down the hall, but it was muffled by the frantic pleads of the blonde, begging for the face at her cunt to stop teasing her.

Lexa wrapped a hand around the small string holding the back of the panties to front and tore them from the body against the wall. Gradually, Lexa ran their tongue down towards the glistening prize. But they didn’t make it to there before something interrupted them.

“Wow, this is hot,” said the voice a few feet away, causing Lexa to jump up and place their body protectively in front of exposed woman against the wall.

They took in the slim toffee colored girl standing at the entrance to the hallway. Raven noticed the fury raging in the green eyes staring back at them.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Lexa hissed at the brunette.

Raven cautiously back away from them, hands up in the same surrendered position that Clarke has seen the night she opened the door with a knife.

“I needed a place to stay,” Raven stated cautiously.

Lexa looked back at Clarke, who was trying desperately to pull on her pants. _Had she know that the girl was here all along?_ But their anger was flooding them, because this was who she had turned to when they had left and she was still here. They were living together, and Lexa had been played for a fool.

“I didn’t know, Lexa,” Clarke gasped out, trying to reach them, but they pulled away from her “I’m sorry.” Blue eyes pleading with them not to go. They knew that they should leave, but if they did then there was no doubt that this girl would find her way back into Clarke’s bed and Lexa would be damned is they would be out done by a child without a place to go.

“Whoa calm down,” Raven began, but this just angered Lexa more, because this girl had no reason to be speaking.

Before anyone else could speak, Lexa turned to brunette with angry eyes and moved towards the woman. “You shouldn’t be here,” they hissed, staking claim over Clarke and Clarke’s family. Pure alpha instinct took over, and Lexa saw the girl as nothing but a threat to the relationship that they had begun to build during the weekend.

“Uh…” Raven said eyes widened backing away from the angry figure approaching. Backing towards the hallway.

Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa’s arm, which was quickly shaken free. They would not have Clarke in the middle of this, even though she was already in the middle of this.

Then they realized that there was nothing they could do. Because this was Clarke’s home and she had an open door. Lexa realized that they could not make the woman leave. So if they wanted to make it through this situation, they would need to leave. Leave and calm down. Leave and figure out if they could handle Raven being in Clarke’s house. Raven who, still was sporting Clarke’s mark on across her neck.

“I can’t do this, Clarke,” Lexa says as they visibly build up a dense wall, freezing in their approach.

“Lexa,” the woman pleaded, grabbing a hold of their arms.

“No, Clarke,” they stated turning back to her. “I told you that I can’t handle sharing you with another. She is here. She obviously still wants you. I can’t compete with normal.”

“I’ll leave,” Raven stated quickly. Lexa’s eyes moved back to the woman whose bewilderment shifted to sadness.

“No,” Lexa says holding up their hands. “I can’t be what you want.”

But they were surprised when not only the blonde yelled out of the girl behind them did as well.

“NO!”

**~Raven~**

The three were seated in the living rom, Lexa next to Clarke and Raven on the other couch. The tension was high, and Clarke could feel Lexa’s anger radiating from them. Raven didn’t know what to do or say to calm anyone, or even how they had managed to keep Lexa from walking out the door.

Keeping a hand gripping tightly around Lexa’s, Clarke speaks. “So, Raven what’s going on? Tell me the truth.”

Raven looked from the blue eyes to the green and then back to the blue. She really didn’t want to tell Clarke everything, because up until this point she had managed to hide all of her prior history, due to Clarke’s need for comfort.

She considered how to explain why she didn’t have anyplace to go, without telling her whole story. Realizing it was easier to stick to as close to the truth as possible, she began with, “Remember when I told you that Finn had his own place?”

“Yes,” Clarke responded as Lexa stilljust sat by seething, and Raven couldn’t deny that they were intimidating.

“Well it was our place,” she explained.

“Okay,” the blonde answered slowly trying to piece her story together. “Well, I left when everything happened at the mall but I couldn’t get a place. So I came to apologize that night. And you let me stay. I just kept finding excuses to be here, like Pizza nights made it easy and then O said that you would be gone all weekend so I took advantage of that.”

“Where have you been staying when you are not here?”

Looking Clarke in the face, Raven lied this time, “Various places for the past few weeks.” Clarke’s eyes softened, as Raven had hoped they would. She looked at Clarke for understanding, but wasn't sure what to do when Lexa spoke.

“Are you hoping to live here?” Lexa hissed, green eyes shooting daggers at the girl across from them.

Clarke looked at Lexa with pleading eyes, “Can we speak privately, Lexi?” But Lexa didn’t shift their gaze. Raven shifted and bowed her head as she wrung her hands, not sure if it would be better just to leave. It was clear that Lexa saw her as  a threat and she was placing a lot of pressure on this new relationship Clarke was trying to build. She had already broken up one of Clarke’s happily ever afters. She didn’t know if she could live with doing it again.

But then she heard them say, “Fine.”

And Clarke pulled Lexa from the couch towards her bedroom. Leaving Raven on the couch to her own thoughts. _Shit._

~~~~~

It was a while later, and the two figures had yet to emerge from the bedroom. Raven sat on the couch deciding if it would be better if she just left. Octavia had told her she could stay in the guest room while they were gone, but she had not expected Clarke and Lexa to get back so quickly. Nor that they would be in the middle of a truly hot wall fuck as soon as they walked in the door.

She couldn’t hear what the two were saying but she could hear Lexa’s voice muffled incoherently through the door, and Clarke’s softer tones as well. This house definitely had thin walls, but she wished they were thinner so that she could hear why Lexa was threatened by her. She didn’t know how to make them realize that she had only let things go as far with Clarke so that she could have a roof over her head. Raven would have done just about anything for a roof, including sleep with the head of household to keep that roof.

 _I should just leave_ , she decides

But before she could move, Octavia came in through the front door loaded down with several bags. She dropped her stuff on the floor and smiled widely at Raven.

“Sup, bitch?”

“Um..” but before she could say anything something caught Octavia’s attention on the floor. Eyes wide, she picked up the damaged cloth with a finger and thumb and held Clarke’s torn panties up in the air.

“What the fuck?” but Raven didn’t a chance to explain, because the bedroom door opened quickly. Clarke was the first to leave the room, followed by a clearly flustered Lexa. Clarke’s eyes widened as she saw the teen holding up her torn panties in the air.

 

“Uh…” Clarke sputtered, but Lexa just walked past the blonde towards the door. When they got to Octavia, they held their palm out. Octavia dropped the panties into their hand. Lexa pushed the torn garment into their pocket and then without a word left the house.

No one spoke for several minutes.

“So, what the fuck happened?” Octavia finally asked, breaking the silence as she slid on to the couch next to Raven.

“Well, we need to talk about this household growing. Again,” Clarke said, taking a seat in the large recliner across from the two girls.

Octavia smiled and Raven’s mouth dropped.

“Are they going to be okay with that?” Raven asked tossing a thumb to the door. “Or did I just fuck that up?”

Clarke shakes her head, “Oh, Lexa is not happy about it. But this is an open house. It always has been. It always will be.” Raven exhaled the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “However, O. Lexa will also be joining us within these walls. I wanted to talk with you about the possibility first. But it is the only way they feel secure with Raven being here.”

Octavia’s smile dropped and her eyes grew stormy, “So they are forcing their way in here because they can’t trust you not to fuck Raven. That's stupid and I don’t like it.” The teen folded her arms across her chest, and then she added, “You did this with Finn you know. You thought he was seeing someone else so you had him move in. “

Raven’s eyes grew wide, because Clarke had been right. Finn was seeing someone else. He was seeing her.

“O, this is different,” she said.

But the teen shook her head, “No its not. You know if they are going to love you, they have to trust you. So what they you are taking in someone else. Are they going to get all possessive because I live here next. I mean I’m not much younger than she is.”

Clarke moved and sat on the coffee table, leaning forward. “Baby, I need you to trust me. Please. If they try to come between you and I they are gone. No questions. You are my child, and no one is going to make me think anything but that you are my baby.”

Raven watched as Octavia rolled her eyes, and she wouldn’t lie she kind of wanted to slap her. She had had a mother that loved her and she didn’t care. She was just being selfish.

“So, can we talk about the ripped panties at the door then?” Octavia asked with raised eyebrows.

“Nope,” Clarke answered with a crimson flush across her cheeks and jaw. “But we can talk about the foundation that Raven needs to invest in until that hickey disappears from her neck.”


	17. Chapter 17

**~Lexa~**

Lexa sat in the Audi long after they had returned to the house. They had a large duffle bag of clothes and a plastic bag from Best Buy. Part of them wanted to go into the house, but the other part was screaming for them to go back to their apartment. That moving into Clarke’s house was not the answer to the Raven situation.

_Can we do this?_

They gripped the steering wheel, twisting their hands.

 

 _Having a family would be nice_ , but they weren’t certain that with the other girl there, it would be possible. She was young, though. Could Clarke see her like the kid that she claimed to realize through their talk. _Are you just a rescue mission too?_

They closed their eyes and thought about the last time they had a family.

 

_Dinner was always a structured event. The colonel sat at the head of the table with his wife to his left. The two teens sat straight backed across from their mother and chewed the pot roast silently._

_“Alexandria, the Presentation Ball is coming up. We need to go shopping for your dress,” their mother provided as conversation._

_“I would rather not participate,” the daughter responded. ‘I don’t want to wear a dress.’ But the woman ignored them, as though they had never said anything._

_“You can’t wear slacks. People will start thinking you’re a lesbian or something,” the mother said._

_“I’m not a lesbian, Mother,” the teen whispered, and the boy to their left looked sideways at them. He had caught them kissing a girl from the lacrosse team earlier that afternoon._

_“Then what is it Alexandria? Why are you always so difficult?” the mother berated the teen across from her._

_The teen looked to the colonel, whose brows were creased as he looked at the teen._

_“I just don’t feel right,” the teen answered._

_“Well, you will be presented to society as a young lady,” the mother stated. “And you will wear a dress.”_

_“I don’t feel right in a dress, Mother. I don’t feel right when you call me a young lady. It just doesn’t fit.”_

_The boy scoffed at their left, “What do you think you’re a boy then?”_

_“No,” the teen said, looking at their plate. “Neither feels right.”_

_“You’re a young lady, Alexandria,” their mother said crossly. Her eyes glared into the figure across from her. “We have gone over this. You are just in an awkward stage.”_

_“No, Mother,” the teen says pushing their chair back from the table and standing. “it’s not a phase. I am different. I am not a girl. I am not a boy. I just want to be me.”_

_“Enough. Alexandria,” the colonel says slamming his hand to the table. The teen jumped as the sound coursed through their body. “You will sit down and eat dinner with this family as a proper young lady.”_

_“No!” they say with a soft voice. “I will not sit here and have you label me something I am not.”_

_“Then you will not sit with this family,” the colonel growled._

_They stood still, fully absorbing the meaning of the words. This was the choice. Be the child they want, or not be their child. And Lexa turned form the table and walked out the door._

 

Lexa released the steering wheel and stared at the house. The voice within stated, _You can run again. It would be easy. Just go back to the apartment._

 

They hit the steering wheel. _Why is this so fucking hard for you? Don’t be stupid! Get out of the car!_

 

**~Clarke~**

 

Clarke was in the kitchen making spaghetti when she saw the Audi pull into the drive way. Raven and Octavia were sprawled out on the couch watching an animated film. Clarke checked out the window and could see Lexa sitting within the car.

 _Let them figure it out,_ she told herself. _But what if they leave?_ The questioned burned inside the blonde as she drained the angel hair pasta. Dinner was pretty much ready, she was just waiting on Lexa.

She checked the window again, and the car was empty. A wave of relief  rushed through her, as she heard the door open. Lexa came in the door with a large duffle bag and a blue plastic bag. Their hair was wet and hung in bouncy curls down their back.

“Hey, babe,” Clarke said moving from the window to the body in the entryway. They were taking in the sight of the two girls on the couch, lounging like just a couple of kids.

Lexa placed the bags softly on the floor and pulled the blonde in for a tight embrace. “Hey,” they breathed into the blonde’s ear. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Were you thinking about driving away?” Clarke asked painfully, but she needed an answer so that she new how to proceed.

“Yes,” they answered honestly, and they pulled back.

“I’m glad you chose to say,” Clarke said softly looking back at the questioning green eyes looking back at her.

“I want this to work, Clarke,” they say, but Clarke can see the fear and uncertainty that was within them.

“Me too,” and she places a soft kiss to the brunette’s lips.

Clarke was rewarded by Lexa pulling her into a deeper kiss. Breathing in the woman that had taken their breath away in this very place only a few weeks prior.

 _I love you, Lexa_ , she thought but didn’t say.

“And my soul begins to die,” the teen from the couch calls over without tearing her eyes from the animated violence on the screen.

Clarke laughed pulling away and moving towards the kitchen again. “Don't start, O. I am pretty sure I have seen Lincoln’s tongue down your throat so far that I wondered how you managed to breathe.”

Lexa picked up the blue bag and moved the couch. Pulling out two boxes, they tossed one to each of the females on the couch.

“Seriously?” Octavia said with a giant grin plastered on her face. “Momma G, the rich mommy pulled through! What color did you get?” Raven holds up the headphones box.

Looking at Lexa, Raven asks with excitement, “Me too?!”

Lexa was unable to hold back a smile as the girl lit up like a kid on Christmas. _Has she never been given a present before?_ But they didn’t ask, just said, “Yes, I can’t be responsible for producing two serial killers.”

Octavia laughed, and pulled the box from Raven’s hands. “I want the green ones, you can have the black ones.” And she tossed the box she was holding to the other girl.

Clarke rolled her eyes and was about to scold her daughter, but Raven seemed just as happy with the black ones, so she figured that maybe now was not the time to lay into her kid about being a spoiled brat.

“Hey, so what do I call you now that you’re Mommy #2? Since you’re like moving in and all,” Octavia asked Lexa. Lexa looked at the girl, questioningly. “I mean mommy, mom, mother, they're all very female and I don't think it works like that. So what do I call you?”

Lexa looked from the teen to the woman in the kitchen who was pretending not to look but was obviously listening carefully.

“Ummm, I don’t know,” they answer. “I have never really thought about it. How about we start with Lexa and tackle parental titles when I marry the blonde.”

“The blonde?” Clarke says from the kitchen with one shoulder cocked and head slightly tilted. This earned a hearty laugh from the two on the couch.

“Well, you are blonde are you not?” Lexa said playfully, and this was the most relaxed Clarke had seen them yet as their shoulders slumped a little and they moved towards her easily with a broad smile.

“Really that's what you took from that, Mom? They just said the word marriage and you’re concentrating on the word blonde!” Octavia yelled from the couch, kneeling on the seat to look at her mother.

Clarke smiled, dropping the shoulder. “Marriage, huh?” Lexa was just across the counter from her, and she just took in the beautiful person that had just made it clear their intention was to marry her some day. _Someday does sound so bad._

Lexa smiled back, “I hope so.”

Clarke leaned over the counter and met their lips half way and pressed together

“So when does the turkey baster come into play?” Raven hollered from couch and Octavia rolled on to the other laughing ecstatically.

“Screw you both,” Clarke said throwing a wooden spoon at them. Lexa dodged the flying projectile that missed the girls.

Meeting her eyes again, they whisper, “One day, please,” they whispered.

 _One day_ , Clarke thought.

**~Lexa~**

Dinner ended smoothly, and the first night of a full Griffin household was off to a better start. Octavia and Raven cleaned the kitchen, while Lexa and Clarke snuggled in tightly on the couch. They turned on _Happily Ever After_ , the show that Lexa had first begun arguing with her about online, Lexa laughed at the memory that this is what brought them together originally.

“Momma G,” Octavia called from the kitchen, “did you seriously have to use every freakin’ dish in the house? And how did you get sauce on the ceiling?”

Clarke laughed more as she responded, “Hey, I cooked you dinner and now you are complaining? Rude!”

“I’ll cook dinner if it means not scrubbing tomatoes off the walls,” Raven said, scrubbing the wall.

“Did you seriously get sauce on the ceiling?” Lexa whispered to Clarke. Clarke leaned into the warm breath on her neck.

 

“Yep, there was an explosion on the movie and the surround sound boomed and scared me. I dropped the pot I was holding and Pow!” Clarke’s hands explode in the air towards the ceiling. “Sauce everywhere.”

“And why didn’t you clean it up?” Octavia yelled from the chair she stood on, scrubbing at the ceiling.

“I’m pretty sure that was in the adoption contract. Messes within the kitchen will be taken care of by angry teenage girl or all legality of adoption is voided and teen will be left to fend for herself,” Clarke yelled back over Lexa, who turned their head so their ear did not take the full assault of Clarke’s loud voice.

Octavia began to sing about being Cinderella and being ordered to clean the house.

“Oh m gee, Octavia! Shut up!” Clarke called over. And to her surprise the teen did after swallowing a fit of laughter.

When the kitchen was clean, the living room was filled with bodies cast haphazardly over the furniture. They watched as the savior character was tempted once gain towards darkness.

“You know what I like about this show?” Lexa says at a commercial break.

“What, Not-the-momma?” Octavia responds, with a dorky smile on her face.

“Not-the-momma?” Lexa says forgetting the initial question momentarily, and wondering how the kid even knew about the TV show from when they were a little kid.

“Just trying it out,” the teen responds smirking. “Like it?”

“No,” Lexa says smiling, while they shake their head. Their curls finding its way into Clarke’s face, who began to wipe away at the tickling irritation.

“Yeah, too many syllables,” Octavia answers.

“So why do you like this show?” Raven asks, redirecting the attention to Lexa original comment.

Lexa looked at Raven and nodded slightly, still not sure how to feel about the girl that just seemed younger by the minute. _Maybe she is trying to make me feel safe._ “No one is good and no one is evil. Its just life. I mean yeah its filled with magic and mystery. But doesn't create the perfect hero figure,” Lexa explains. “In fact, it basically mocks that figure over all.”

“I agree,” Clarke added, finally getting the long brown tresses from her face. “I believe I tried to explain that to you Lexi-Troll but you berated me on a public forum.”

“Lexi-troll?” Raven scoffed and choked on the ice cream drum stick she was attempting to inhale. “You two,” she points her finger back and forth her between Octavia and Clarke, “are officially banned from nick names.”

“I second that,” Lexa added. “That was horrible. And I am not a troll!”

“Nope,” Octavia said. “You’s be a catfish.”

“Ooooo!” Raven hollered and Clarke laughed harder than was expected.

Lexa looked from each of the females in utter confusion. _What is a catfish_? They questioned, but they didn’t want to seem dumb so they didn’t ask. _Mental note: wiki catfish._

"Hey, speaking of your writing. Are you going to finish your story? I am kind of invested in the characters," Lexa probed Clarke.

"Are you going to belittle me on a public comment board again?" Clarke asked, eyebrows raised at the body holding them in a tight embrace.

"Maybe. If you ruin my favorite show like you were doing in the first draft," Lexa responded with a smug look on their face.

"Then maybe I will, maybe I won't," Clarke said reaching up to pull Lexa in for a kiss. "Either way, I am changing my username and the title so you can't find me."

Lexa laughed into a second kiss, "You underestimate my troll like skills."

"Seriously, I am trying to watch the show!" Octavia yelled at them before tossing a pillow that landed on Clarke's lap. Clarke laughed and pulled Lexa in for another kiss, this one longer than the first.


	18. Chapter 18

**~Clarke~**

It was late when the couple snuggled into Clarke’s bed. While their afternoon had started with anxious pulls and pushes, the evening’s events had slowed those movements. They spent the night getting know each other carefully.

Clarke learned that Lexa’s favorite place to be touched is at the base of their neck. Soft gentle caresses that not only relaxed them into a moaning ball of emotions, but also had the power to make them very very sleeping. This was an area to explore later. 

Clarke fingers grazed the exposed areas of skin around the tight tank top and boxers. Everywhere she touched she found taught muscles, encased in smooth olive toned flesh. Tonight was about memorizing the story of each other’s skin.

“You are so unbelievably beautiful, Lex,” Clarke whispered as she looked into the green eyes of the tanned beauty lying below her right arm and leg.

Lexa looked away some, pink rushing to their cheeks.

“It doesn’t bother you. That I am genderqueer. Does it?” they ask not looking at Clarke. Clarke pulls their face back to see them. To look into their eyes.

“It does not matter, Lexa. You are intelligent and beautiful and so much more that I have yet to learn. You are you. And that is enough for me,” Clarke says into the green eyes staring back up at her. She ran her finger across the other’s cheek and then pulled at Lexa’s neck to raise the head to meet hers.

Their lips locked in a deep yet soft kiss. Lips moving in sync. Soft sounds of suction connecting and breaking as they pulled away and moved back in. Lexa moved and rolled Clarke on to her back. Fingers gently strumming across areas that her shirt had ridden up.

Clarke was not toned like Lexa, but Lexa seemed to find the soft flesh irresistible. When they had first met Clarke, they found it impossible to tear their eyes from the curves of the woman. Now under them, Clarke was there with all her curves barely contained within the light sleepwear.

**~Lexa~**

“You are irresistible, Clarke Griffin.” And Clarke kissed them deeper. Tongue grazing the top of Lexa’s mouth slowly. When it was removed, Lexa bit down on Clarke’s lower lip, which elicited a soft moan from the blonde below.

Lexa slipped their thigh between Clarke’s legs and enjoyed the moist sensation that was seeping through the woman’s panties.

Grinding their leg into Clarke, their kisses deepened. Lexa found themself feeling equally pleasured as Clarke in turn raised her leg to meet the Lexa’s heat. Together they moved their hips and pulled into each other’s kisses; neither willing to move in fear that the moment would be interrupted as it had been so many times before. They needed this. They needed each other. Even if it was rushed and still clothed.

Clarke’s left hand slipped below elastic waist band of the boxers and pulled Lexa’s ass into her, while the right continued to pull the body’s face into hers. Lexa’s free hand cupped, Clarke’s breast gently twisting the perked nipple. Lexa learned that small twists and pinches elicited the loudest reactions from the blonde and caused her to cant her hips forcefully under them. Lexa came to understand that Clarke enjoyed the harsher touches, which Lexa embraced excitedly knowing that submission was not something they were capable of.

When Lexa bit into Clarke's neck roughly, Clarke called out the words that sent Lexa over the edge, “You are so fucking perfect, Lexa.” Lexa’s body warmed, the feeling of tightness releasing from their core. Their body moved at will, and Clarke shifted her focus to Lexa's mouth, where she swallowed their cries of pleasure with deeper kisses, that sent her over the edge as well.

Together they came down from their first orgasm. Lexa moved to their side so they could gaze at their girlfriend. _Girlfriend. She’s mine._

Clarke looked over at the body next to her, her eyes soft wondering if they were moving too fast. Lexa recognized the gentle gaze of uncertainty rush over the woman's face. “Do you regret, finally releasing all your tension?” Lexa asked eyebrows knit in the middle.

_She didn’t want this. I pushed her too far._

Clarke reached over and pulled Lexa into her. “I regret nothing, Lexa. I am just amused that we are incapable of taking things slow.”

“You asked me to Uhaul, Clarke,” a slight smirk appearing on Lexa’s face.

“You’re right, then why did we just do that with clothes on?” Clarke asked, pupils blown.

“I’m not sure,” Lexa whispered as they leaned in for another kiss. “Why do you want more?”

Clarke pushed deeper into the kiss, breathing out the word when they came up for air, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They needed to for once not be interrupted. :) I find describing the bodily reaction to an orgasm to be incredibly difficult.


	19. Chapter 19

**~Lexa~**

Wednesday came quickly that week, leaving the patchwork family still trying to fit the pieces together of their newly overlapped lives. Raven and Clarke were out running errands, leaving Lexa and Octavia home to clean before people began arriving. For the most part, they worked in silence due to the bulky green headphones blocking all sounds from the teen.

Lexa could hear the muffled sounds of Disney music filtering from the earpieces, making a smile creep over their face. _What is with the Disney stuff?_ Lexa asked themself, but there was no point in trying to ask the girl at this time.

With the final scrubbing of the counters done, Lexa sat down at the table. Looking around the house, they noticed how much care had gone into making sure the open floor plan was welcoming and comfortable. Lexa would have never purchased the fluffy couches, let alone enough so that eight people could sit comfortably. Their wonderings were interrupted by the teen.

“Well, we have about an hour before people start arriving. What do you wanna do, MaPa?” Octavia asked as she flopped her body into the chair across from Lexa.

“Really?” Lexa asked, rolling their eyes.

With a wide smile, Octavia defended her attempted name, “What it’s gender neutral?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

They sat there for a minute, before Lexa asked, “Why are you trying to give me a parental name?”

“It meant a lot to Momma G, when I stopped calling her Griffin,” the girl said shrugging and looking at the table.

Lexa considered that this may be their opportunity to speak with the girl. So they took a chance and asked, “How long did it take?”

“About a year.” Lexa contemplated this answer. Octavia must have changed a lot in the last two years, if she is making an effort to name them already. “Did she tell you how we became family.”

Lexa’s head shook left to right gently, but didn’t say anything hoping that Clarke’s method of getting people to talk would work with the girl. They just waited for the girl to speak. Her aqua eyes were scanning their face, and the could tell she was deciding if she could trust them

“My mom died,” Octavia spoke softly, and carefully. Still watching carefully, to judge their reaction, she continued, “She was always with someone. A new man that could take care of us. My brother was a senior and never home. He hated the dude that she had married. When she died, he was already 18 and the newest husband wasn’t having two mouths to feed. So Bell stayed away.”

 _Bad combination: grown man, young girl_ , Lexa thought, eyes on Octavia. This was not their place to talk. They were to listen, and that is what they did.

“He did things.” Lexa nodded in understanding, eyes softening. Octavia folded her arms around herself as thought she were locking within herself.

Lexa sat still. _Don’t move. Let her speak._

“It was a few years. Bell went to college. He is graduating this year. I didn’t tell anyone,” and now she started to shake a little, the words struggling to come out smoothly.

“Why?” Lexa probed slightly, afraid that the teen was shutting down some.

“Scared. He was important in government,” she whispered. But then she added, “And… he told me things. Things like that it was my place. That it was how a girl became a woman. When I challenged him, he hurt me in places people couldn’t see. I have a few scars still.”

Lexa swallowed, the anger filling them. She was a child and that man had hurt her because he could. It disgusted them.

Getting a hold of their anger, they asked, “But, you told Clarke?”

“Yes.” They waited to see if she would continue, but when she didn’t, they asked another question, hoping that she hadn’t closed the door.

“What changed?” Lexa probed carefully.

“I started hurting myself. I wanted to pain to go away… I was … drinking… sleeping with a lot of people… and Lincoln stood up for me. Stopped me from being a another drunk girl getting fingered at a party for all the see,” she confessed softly.

“Lincoln?”

“Yes, he saw me at a party when I did some pretty dumb things. Convinced me to talk to Momma G. But I couldn’t, I chickened out. But she asked me if someone was hurting me?” The girl took a deep breath. “The only person to ever ask me. So I told her.”

“She reported it.” Lexa stated, knowing that Clarke would not have had a choice.   

Octavia swallowed, “Yes, and they pulled me and put me in a foster home.”

“But, you’re here?” Lexa questioned, knowing that Octavia was adopted but not realizing that Clarke was the reason that she was in the system to begin with.

“She fought for me. I don't know why. I punished her for a really long time,” the girll confessed.

Lexa didn’t have time to inquire further, because Clarke voice broke into the house. Apparently, she had heard part of the conversation, “Because you were worth it.” Clarke entered with house with several bags in her hands, taking in the two sitting at the table. Lexa got up and took the bags from Clarke to put on the counter.

“Thanks, Mom,” Octavia said, sending a glance towards Lexa. Clarke smiled warmly at the teen.

Octavia moved from the table as well and wrapped her arms around the neck of her adoptive mom. Clarke whispered into the girl’s hair, “You are worth it, and so much more. I love you, O.”

“Love you, Mom.” Lexa’s heart warmed as she watched the two females.

 Octavia looked over and motioned for Lexa to join them. They stood still for a second but then joined in wrapping their body around the back of the girl and pulling Clarke in, successfully creating an Octavia sandwich.

“Two trips is for pussies!” Raven’s voice rang out as she came into the house carrying her weight in grocery bags. Still in the entry way, Lexa watched as Raven was looking at the three hugging. For a second they thought they saw sadness or envy cross her face, but it was replaced by a hardened look that they did recognize. It was one that only came from kids that lived on the streets, and they realized that they had been given new insight into the girl.  “Aww, I missed the family hug!”

Still watching her as she unwonder her arms from the bag, Lexa knew that Raven was craving a place in the house. _I still don’t like you,_ they thought, but motioned for Raven to join in. Raven ran to the group and squeezed in the middle with Octavia.

 _Great, now I have two girls_ , they thought but realized that maybe this wasn’t wrong.

**~Clarke~**

Family dinner was in full swing and Lexa stood in their favorite spot off to the side of the kitchen. Clarke looked at the body that held her heart and wondered how long she would have to wait until she told them that they had her. All of her.

Walking in on the teen opening up had sealed the deal. It was clear that Octavia was accepting Lexa, which made it possible for Clarke to consider that this was really going to work.

“So Griffin, I think I found you on the fan fic site,” Monroe said from the table as she stuffed a piece of pizza into her mouth.

“What! how?” the blonde barked, losing the stack of pepperonis in her hand into a clump on the pizza she had been working on. Clarke glanced over a the girl and shifted a little because she would permanently have the image of the girl on top of her baby.  She knew that the two were just friends now, but it still made Clarke slightly uncomfortable.

Lexa looked at Clarke, eyes wide. She hadn’t told Lexa she had begun posting again, because she had started a new story where she was exploring her subconscious feelings about the how everything in her life was dramatically changing.

“Well, the open door policy sounded pretty familiar. Plus you talk about this hot history teacher. It's a cool AU. But is it true?” Monroe asks looking from Clarke to Lexa. Clarke’s face grew hot as she glared at the teen slouching over the table protecting her plate as though it may be taken from her. She looked at Octavia, who was avoiding eye contact, so Clarke knew that her daughter had already told Monroe.

“uh…” Clarke began but was stopped when she felt a warm hand across her back. She looked up to see Lexa inches from her, nodding slightly. Turning back to the girl, she shook her head and admitted, “Yes, slacker its true.”

And without warning the room lit up in cheers and hoots. Several announced, “Called it!” while others clapped and responded how cute the two were together.

When the cheers quieted down, Monroe asked the next question that silenced the room, “So then does that mean that you’re genderqueer, Trikru?”

Clarke felt Lexa’s hand stiffen on her back. Looking back at Lexa, she could see the concern crossing their face. This information could be dangerous, due to the lack of protect that teachers had when they lived outside the box of the general population of their student body. All it would take is one parent complaint and their job ould be called into question.

“That is none of your concern,” Clarke said harshly, trying to stifle the conversation. Monroe swallowed the bite that she had just put in her mouth, and mouthed, “Sorry” to her.

“No, its okay, Clarke,” Lexa said calmly beside her. Turning to the table, they say hesitantly, “Yes, I do identify as genderqueer. But this discussion is sensitive due to my position. I don’t want to lose my job for being me.”

“That’s cool,” Monroe says putting another piece of pizza in her mouth, and the teachers and students around the table nodded in agreement that they would respect Lexa’s privacy. “Was that like hard for you to figure out?”

Lexa turned to Clarke not sure how to have this conversation. Clarke could practically see the wheels turning within their head, but they didn’t need to answer because Octavia changed the subject.

“So, I think I want to join the army when I turn 18,” Octavia pronounced to the table. It was clear the girl was trying to change the subject for Lexa, however, she did not account for the glare that would come from Clarke as she snapped her head in the direction of the teen.

“You what?” Clarke, and she found that her voice of protest was not alone, because Lincoln had uttered the same words at the girl and was staring at her.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a whole lot of sex. just a warning.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke planned a date night for Friday, she told Lexa of the date night but not of what to expect. The morning classes went by quickly, as the students were enamored with the episode of Once Upon a Time, they had been discussing the concept of good vs. evil, as well as the Hero’s Journey. Clarke was busy grading essays that she had collected when Google Chat, dinged softly on the computer.

 

L. Trikru: May I please be informed what the itinerary is for tonight?

Clarke laughed to herself.

C. Griffin: Nope.

L. Trikru: I need to plan my attire.

C. Griffin: Jeans. Shirt. Sexy under clothes for me to see later. ;)

L. Trikru: No shoes necessary?

C. Griffin: Oh yeah shoes too.

L. Trikru: Why is it a secret?

C. Griffin: Its not.

L. Trikru: Then why don’t you tell me what we are doing?

C. Griffin: Because you are cute when you’re flustered.

C: Griffin: I bet you’re sitting at your desk right now with a cute blush to your cheeks.

C. Griffin: How can your students handle being in your class?

L. Trikru: What do you mean?

C. Griffin: Well, I would be imagining you pants-less on your desk screaming my name.

L. Trikru: Clarke, I’m at work.

C. Griffin: I know, I am too.

C. Griffin: Doesn’t stop me from wanting to slide a figure into you and fuck you on that very clean desk.

L. Trikru: I need to go.

C. Griffin: What’s wrong, Lexi?

L. Trikru: I will see you tonight.

C. Griffin: I can stop by after six period and give you a demonstration.

C. Griffin: Baby?

*L. Trikru has signed off.

 

When the final bell rang, Clarke busied herself in room gathering the various papers she still needed to grade and putting back chairs. Music played loudly from the speakers, and Clarke danced through the room as she picked up a few pieces of papers.

The music blocked the sound of the door opening to the room. Giving Lexa the opportunity to spy on the blonde busting moves once more. Quietly they locked the door behind them, and then stood and watched. “I’m yelling timber…” the woman sang out with the female voice.

Clarke turned from her dancing to find a particular political science teacher standing against the door, arms folded across their chest.

“Ah!” she screamed, throwing the papers in the air. “What the fuck, Lex? You scared the shit out of me.” Clutching her chest, she glared at Lexa. Getting her breathing under control, she bent down and began to recover the papers.

“I would like to say I’m sorry, but honestly, I’m not. I enjoy watching you dance,” Lexa said softly, moving from the door to the blonde.

“Fuck you, and your sneaky feet,” the blonde said, piling the papers into one arm.

Lexa reached Clarke while she was bent over. Moving close behind her, they pulled the woman’s ass into them by her hips. Clarke stood slowly as Lexa moved to the beat of the song, pulling Clarke in motion with her. Together they moved gracefully, until Lexa swung out turning the blonde and pulling her back into their body so they were facing each other. Clarke dropped the smaller pile of papers that she had recovered on the couch.

Taking advantage of the proximity, Lexa drew Clarke in for a kiss running their free hand down her back to grip the woman by the back of her expensive jeans.

“I really love this,” they whisper.

“Mmm,” the blonde hummed. “I like you claiming it.”

“About claiming things,” Lexa said softly. Moving them towards Clarke’s desk, they pushed the blonde into a seated position atop the edge of the desk and placed themself in the rolley chair. “You got my very…”

“Flustered?” Clarke provided with a smirk.

“Yes, that word is suitable,” Lexa responded with a straight face.

“How did that work out for you?” Clarke asked, tilting her head to the other teacher.

“Well, it created a form of mental picture that I need satisfied,” Lexa stated standing in front of the woman and pushing her knees apart to allow them space to pull up to the woman. “Except, I feel since I was the one that came to you, then I should be the one rewarded with knowing that I claimed Ms. Griffin on her own desk.”

 

Clarke’s mouth dropped open in surprise as she felt Lexa, pulling at the button of her jeans. “Lexa…” she said softly, but was unable to finish her sentence, as she felt Lexa’s hand slide into her jeans and gently caress her clit.

“Are you opposed to this, Ms. Griffin?” Lexa whispered into the woman’s ear, as the finger moved from her clit to flutter against the opening. Clarke shook her head and Lexa plunged into the wet heat with their buried hand and pulled the woman into a deep kiss that stifled the moan trying to escape Clarke’s lips.

“Shhh,”  they say as they pull back from the kiss and thrust in a second finger.

“Oh my god, Lexa,” Clarke moaned out quietly as Lexa pumped into her again and again.

After a few more thrusts, Clarke gripped the desk’s edge as Lexa pulled her pants away and dropped to their knees.

Pushing in three fingers this time, Lexa wasted no time with applying their tongue to the dripping clit, flicking it gently then sucked on it with a little more force. Clarke moves her hands to Lexa’s hair and tugged gently at the roots of intricate braids.

“Please… Oh god… Lexa please… don’t stop,” Clarke moaned out.

Lexa slowed the thrusts and circled the swollen nerve bundle.

“Don’t stop.”

 _Sucking in._ _Thrust. Thrust._

“Lexa…”

_Thrust, lick, thrust, lick._

“Fuck me.”

 _Thrust, thrust, circle and suck_.

“Oh my… Lexa,” and she reached the precipice of her climb, and leaped from the edge as Lexa pulls in the nub for another suck.

They slowed their thrusts, as the walls of Clarke collapse around their fingers. She braced her body on the desk using Lexa’s head as the grounding point and rode out her orgasm.

When Clarke was able to breathe normally again, Lexa stood from between the woman’s legs. Clarke pulled them into her, kissing herself from Lexa’s lips.

“You are beautiful when you come apart for me, Clarke,” Lexa says softly. Clarke pulled at Lexa to try and get them to remove their clothes, but Lexa just held the woman’s hands away.

“Please, Lexa,” Clarke begged wanting to taste Lexa.

“Now whose flustered?” was all they said before backing away towards the door. They held their still wet fingers to their mouth and licked away Clarke’s orgasm from their hand.

Clarke jumped from the desk, pulling her jeans back up. “But…”

“See you tonight, lovely,” and Lexa unlocked the door leaving Clarke to pull herself together.

**~Lexa~**

Lexa had spent a good hour trying to get ready for the evening out, but was failing miserably at choosing an outfit. Finally, they had to request clothing assistance from the teen, who was eager to demonstrate an expertise in preparing for a night out.

 

Settling on a pair of skinny jeans, a button down and a pair of black boots, Octavia added a pair of black suspenders to pull the outfit together.

The girl sat on the bed playing with her phone, as she waited for Lexa to finish changing in the bathroom.

Lexa opened the door and stood in the doorway with their thumbs hooked on their suspenders. Octavia took one look at them and nodded in approval “You look hot, Parental Unit. That outfit is totally getting you some tonight.”

“Nope,” Lexa said with a shy grin, that was replaced by a cocky smirk as they added, “And I have no trouble getting some.”

Octavia grimaced for a minute but then said, “Shit. This is hard.”

“You don’t have too,” Lexa said looking at the teen who was watching as they applied black liquid to their eye lids.

“I want to. Even if you don’t like it, Momma G loves it,” she supplied. And Lexa looked back at the girl. _She’ll do anything for Clarke._

“You know she loves it when you call her mom,” Lexa said, turning their attention back to the mirror.

“Yeah,” she responded but they could here the smile drop from her words.

“Then why don’t you do it all the time?” they asked, finished now, and taking a seat on the bed next to the girl.

Octavia leaned over and leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder. They embraced the moment and placed an arm around the girl’s back and puling her in some.

“Because I had a mom and she died.”

“So you think if you call her mom, then she will die?” Lexa asked, struggling with the teen’s logic.

Octavia was quiet for a minute before answering, “No. I just don’t want to jinx it.”

“Okay,” Lexa said softly. “I think I get it.”

They didn’t have any more time to talk thought, because the two heard the front door open and then close, followed by Clarke moving around the house.

“Family, I’m home!”

Octavia bounced from the room, leaving Lexa on the bed. They could hear the girl from the living room shouting in excitement, “You got me new movies?!”

Lexa came out from the bedroom to see the teen gripping the blonde in her arms jumping up and down slightly.

“Raven is going to be so excited!” Octavia said. Clarke just nodded, then dropped her jaw when she saw Lexa standing slightly out of the bedroom.

“You look beautiful,” Clarke said quietly, eyes shining warmly at them. “I need just a few minutes to get ready,” Clarke then said quietly moving towards the brunette to place a soft kiss on their lips. “Just give me thirty minutes.”

Turning back to the teen, “Come, child. I need your clothing advice.”

Octavia winked at Lexa, “See. I’m good.”

~~~~~

Their night started out with dinner at a local taco shop, not far from the house. As they munched on chips and a variety of salsa, they spoke of light topics. When the meals came, Lexa asked the question that they knew had been on Clarke’s mind since Wednesday.

“So do you want to talk about Octavia joining the military?”

Clarke exhaled deeply and looked at her food. When she spoke it was not light rather pained, “Not really. But we should.”

“How do you feel about it?” Lexa asked, knowing that it would be up to them to lead the conversation. Thus far, Clarke had not really spoken of her feelings or her past. In fact, Clarke had been rather silent about anything that was not happening in the moment.

“I hold so much respect for those that chose that life… but this is my baby. I mean, I know I didn’t push her into this world. But she is my family. She’s mine. And I don't want to see her going war,” Clarke explained quickly, unsure of Lexa’s feelings towards the military.

“The military is not all war, Clarke,” Lexa answered, remembering their father.

“I know,” Clarke answers. “But what if she does go. And what if she doesn’t come back.” Clarke is looking up at Lexa with wide, pained eyes.

“Have you spoke with Lincoln’s mother about this?” Lexa probed, remembering Clarke telling them something about the woman being in a branch.

“No, not yet,” the blonde answered truthfully.

“Let’s do that first. Maybe we can ask her to give your broody teen a pre-military training,” Lexa laughed softly as they spoke. “I mean, I can’t picture Octavia taking orders from anyone.”

Clarke laughed too, “You’re right. You’re so brilliant, Lex.”

“Thank you, lovely,” Lexa says, before biting into a taco. When they finished chewing, “So what is next?”

 

**~Clarke~**

 

They went the park when dinner was over, where they sat on a blanket that Clarke had packed for them. A local cover band was playing, and the two snuggle up on the blanket and enjoyed the show. As they lay, Clarke pointed up to the stars.

“You see Orion?”

“Who?” Lexa asked.

“Orion, the constellation.” The woman said pointing to three angled stars. “My father said that he was my guardian.”

“You loved him greatly didn’t you?” Lexa says eyeing the nostalgic look on her face as she stares at the sky.

“Yes, he was my hero,” she whispers.

“What happened?” Lexa asked. Clarke looked up at her and knew that she needed at some point share the stories of her father, of her doctor mother and why they don’t speak, and many others. But tonight was not the night for that. No tonight was a night for them to enjoy, not taint it with sorrowful stories of the past.

“Not good date conversation. Later please,” the blonde answered, tucking her head into Lexa’s shoulder. “Ready to go home?”

“Sure.”

“Did you wear your sexy undies?” Clarke asks as she plants a gentle kiss on her lover’s lips.

“You’ll have to wait and see.”

 

**~Lexa~**

 

It took little time to get home, and they were pleasantly surprised by the quiet house that met them. Taking no chances, Lexa pulled Clarke into their bedroom and started pulling away the woman’s clothes.

It took no time for Clarke to lose her shirt, but she halted the undressing process at there, focusing all of her attention on Lexa. “Patience, Lexa,” she hummed between kisses. “I owe you a little frustration,” she added.

Clarke gradually unbuttoned the shirt down Lexa’s front, kissing and biting at the taught skin. When the shirt was undone, she kissed her way back up the body pulling at the suspenders until their lips met again. Pushing the suspenders down first then, the shirt off their body.

Kissing her way back down, Clarke moves her mouth to the button of Lexa’s jeans. Looking up into the green eyes, Clarke tugged at the material with her teeth, unbuttoning them, while both hands pulled the material from their hips. Lexa gasped as they watched the blonde’s blue eyes staring into theirs using nothing but her mouth to undo their jeans.

 _Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck me,_ they begged internally, but nothing but a whimper fell from their lips.

Lexa felt as Clarke’s hands caressed back up their skin. Sending shivers from the base of their neck straight to the pulsing nerve ending between their thighs. Lexa can’t think about anything but the blue-eyed beauty walking them backwards towards the bed.

They feel the bed hit their thighs but the momentum keeps them moving backwards. Clarke carefully pulls the lacey material from the lower region of Lexa’s body. “Sexy panties, indeed,” Clarke whispered holding up the laced thong. “I love this on you.”

Lexa smiled, holding out their arms to the woman. Begging for physical contact.

Tossing aside the material, Clarke climbed atop Lexa's body. Kissing Lexa’s mouth, tongues meeting and caressing each other. Shifting her weight, Clarke strokes the inside of their thighs.

_Fuck. Fuck._

They didn’t want to beg or plead, but they knew that Clarke was on a mission to torture them.  The accepted that the longer they held out, the longer Clarke was tease them mercilessly. “Fuck me,” Lexa begged.

“What do you want?” Clarke asked quietly with a smile on her face. Clearly begging was working.

 _You everywhere… Fucking…Fucking me,_ Lexa’s brain screams. But they whisper, “In me.”

“I’m sorry that was very vague,” Clarke says seductively, with a hint of a drawl to her words. Sliding a finger between Lexa’s folds and into the dripping entrance, she whispered, “In here?”

Lexa nods aggressively, “Yes. Yes. Yes.” And Clarke matches a thrust for each syllable her lover says.

“Fuck, more,” they beg again, and Clarke adds another finger while unhooking the front hooked bra with the other. Pushing the bra aside, she sucks down onto the erect nipple.

“God. Yes. Oh my god!” Lexa calls out louder than they ever had before. Clarke can sense Lexa getting close, so she moves down between their thighs. They feel her descent, as she gently swipes her tongue over their navel and then to the tip of their slit.

 _Tongue. Tongue please,_ their mind races. Clarke makes Lexa’s silent wish come true as she pressed her tongue between the drenched lips and ran it flat against Lexa’s clit.

“Thank you! Thank you!” they praise.

Another swipe is rewarded with a throaty, “Yes."

_Thrust. Lick._

"Oh my god."

_Thrust. Lick._

"I am so close.”

Clarke sucks and then licks again. And Lexa comes undone, clenching their thighs around the woman’s face. Clarke strummed her tongue gentle across Lexa’s lips, pushing in and out gently as Lexa came down from their high.

When Lexa’s body relaxed, Clarke moved carefully up the bed. Lexa pulled the woman in for a deep kiss. “Can we do that everyday please?”

Clarke smiled and kiss Lexa deeply, answering with her own, “Please.”


	21. Chapter 21

**~Clarke~**

Saturday morning began with the cabinet doors of the kitchen being slammed shut, jarring Clarke from a restful sleep. “MOM! THERE’S NOTHING TO EAT IN THE HOUSE!” Clarke’s eyes blinked as she took in the sun gleaming from the only partially closed blinds.

She felt Lexa pull her in closer, muttering into the back of her neck, “Pretend we’re not up yet.” Clarke closed her eyes again and tried to wish herself back into the restful place that she had been only moments before; however, Lexa’s warm breath on her shoulder was not easing her to sleep. Instead, she unknowingly, sure it may have been unknowingly, pushed back farther into Lexa grinding against the warm body.

Lexa’s grip tightened around the blonde, and one hand moved to graze careful circles on Clarke’s naked skin below the blankets. “Mhmmm, babe, can we just stay in bed but not pretend to be asleep?” Clarke asked quietly. She felt lips press into her shoulder and then a gentle bite closer to the back of her neck.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” she whispered and using one hand pulled Lexa farther into her backside.

The door flings open to reveal Octavia and Raven just as Lexa’s hand is about reach the place Clarke wants them the most. Clarke pulls the blankets up to her chin, blocking all potential view of the two still naked entangled bodies.

“What the fuck, O?” Clarke cursed out but couldn’t help feel a slight since of relief as she felt Lexa’s finger glide between her folds under the heavy fabric.

“Mom,” Octavia says. _Great now she wants to call me mom,_ Clarke thinks. But the teen continues, “We are starving to death.” She tried not to roll her eyes into the back of her head, as Lexa continues rubbing a gentle circle around the pulsing nerve ending.

“Okay, give me thirty minutes. We’ll hit Starbucks, then Costco,” the blonde says, hips pushing farther in to Lexa.

“Oh my god, are you going to do it right now?” Octavia blurts out, her face a grimace of sheer horror.

But before Clarke can answer, Raven pulls the teen from the door. Reaching in she tugs at the nob, and says, “We’ll go to Starbucks, that should give you more like an hour.” And a smiling Raven shuts the door.

Clarke feels Lexa’s finger enter, and she whispers, “You are so bad.”

“I know, but they interrupted. Do all rooms have to have an open door policy?” Lexa asks, adding another finger and rubbing their palm strategically against the grinding woman’s pelvis.

The door is thrown open once more, “Mom, I need mo… Eeww!” and the door was closed again. From outside the door, Clarke hears Octavia yell, “I NEED MONEY FOR COFFEE!”

“Lock… we need a lock,” Clarke says incoherently, not caring that the teen was still standing on the other side of the door yelling

“LEXA STOP DOING THAT TO MY MOM SO I CAN GET YOU BOTH COFFEE!” the teen tries again.

And without warning, Lexa calls out, “CLARKE… PLEASE… DON’T STOP!” loud enough that no one in the house would miss it.

They hear and “ARG! So disgusting,” then a “serial killer,” added in there.

If Clarke wasn’t moments away from falling over the edge, then she may have busted into laugher. Instead, she moaned out, “Fuck, Lexa,” as her body shook in pleasure, legs holding Lexa’s hand in place.

Clarke doesn’t know when the teen left the door, or the two women left the house. What she did know was Lexa between her thighs was amazing. Lexa in her bed was even better. Lexa in her life was the most wonderful thing a woman could ask for.

**~Lexa~**

It was an hour before the four pulled up to Costco in the Audi. Octavia had commandeered the radio and the three other bodies were forced to listen to a playlist filled with various Disney hits. At first they complained, but as they got closer to the destination each sang a role in at least one song. Clarke was surprised at how well Lexa was versed in the music from the animated film of a cross dressing teen girl pretending to be soldier, the one animated movie that she had missed due to the weird transition point where a child thinks they are too old to watch Disney movies.

The parking lot was packed as it was every Saturday. Clarke could see the tension rising on Lexa’s face. “Why did we have to come here?” Lexa asked quietly absorbing all of the people moving from cars to store and back with carts big enough to hold six kids. “We go grocery shopping practically weekly.”

“Yes, my dear we do. But your version of grocery shopping is buying enough food for a meal or maybe two. We are here for stock up,” Clarke explained, realizing that it may have been better to just take Octavia and Raven with her today. They hadn’t even parked and Lexa was already looking like they may attack someone.

After finding a parking spot, getting two carts-- one that Octavia felt the need to sit in while Raven did wheelies--, and flashing the membership card to the attendant, the four entered the large warehouse store where Lexa was immediately over whelmed by the dozen flashing screens and pallets of merchandise stack thirty feet in the air. Not to mention the herd of people moving slowly as through they were cattle migrating to a new field.

“This is the epitome of consumerism. Why do we shop here?” Lexa asked again. Looking to Clarke in confusion mixed with frustration as someone bumped into them in a hurry to move passed.

“Lex, I know it is over whelming, but having an open door involves food. So we keep the pantry stocked. Plus you think O is broody; she gets down right bitchy when she is hungry,” Clarke says pulling Lexa in closer as an larger woman with two screaming toddlers pushes passed them. Lexa locked eyes with the blonde and took a deep breath.

 _We can do this,_ Lexa chanted to themself.

“Okay, O, Raven, Lexa,” Clarke says eyeing each of the bodies. “Our plan of attack is as follows. Octavia you hit the snack aisles. We are talking granola bars, fruit snacks, if it preserves and somewhat healthy you grab it. Raven, you’re on frozen foods. Frozen veggies, waffles, ice cream, and other lunch like things that teachers can microwave. Lexa, you’re with me.” They all put their hands into the center of the cart, “Ready?”

“Break!” and the hands went up in the air as the family separated throughout the store.

Clarke and Lexa headed back to the butcher section. Clarke explained as they picked out the various meat items that they buy it in large packs, cut it into smaller portions and freeze it in packets that are big enough for one family of four meal.

Lexa looked over the packages that Clarke was bagging and putting in the cart. Each of the containers of pork chops were no less than $15 and Clarke had placed three in the cart. The chicken was even more expensive and Clarke had picked out four.

Lexa looked at the blonde, who appeared to pay no attention to the price tags and wondered for the first time how Clarke manages to have everything and still work as a public high school teacher. When they moved on to the beef, Lexa had a hard time swallowing the expense that they were keeping a running tally of in their head. The total without tax was just under $200 and they had only been in the store for 15 minutes.

“Clarke, what else do we need?” Lexa asked, figuring they must be close to being finished.

“Uh… non-perishables,” Clarke says throwing in two packages of smoked salmon.

_$23 a piece. $256?_

“Non-perishables?” Lexa asked.

“Yep, canned stuff, pasta, sauces, you know the stuff that doesn’t go bad.” Clarke looked at Lexa and could see the sense of unease playing across her lover’s face. “What’s wrong, Lex?”

Lexa shook their head, “nothing.”

Clarke nodded and navigated them to the “non-perishables section” and they put in the cart the various items that Clarke pointed to.

Six jars of marinara sauce, _$8 a pack, $16 total. $278._

A box of several cans of mushrooms, _$5, $283._

A pack of mac and cheese. _$14.83, round to $15._

 _Who need 15 boxes of Mac and Cheese?_ they asked themself but followed the blonde’s instructions.

_That’s $290. No. $300. No._

_Shit. Where was I?_

Lexa had lost count and was struggling to maintain a sense of control. In an effort of regain that lost control, they played a messy game of Tetris in the cart. But they halted when the second cart with the younger females arrived filled hazardously high.

“Do we really need that much,” Lexa asked cringing at the thought of partaking in this much consumeristic behavior.

Octavia looked at Lexa, “Daddy, we have to be prepared for the apocalypse.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Clarke said, glaring at the teen, but Lexa just laughed and shook their head.

“Too… male.”

Raven added, “Its true, if a worldwide nuclear war was to happen, we would need to be prepared to survive for a long periods of time, until the insurgence of vegetation growth is capable of absorbing a vast majority of the radiation.”

“It would pose for an interesting Environmental Recalamation setting,” Clarke supplied. “Like two headed deer.”

“What? Apocalypse? Environmental Recla- what?” Lexa said, floored by where the conversation had led.

“Well it’s not like in the event of a war we could all just ship off to space or something,” Raven stated.

“Yeah because that would be one fucked up dystopia,” Octavia added. “I mean what they could live 100 years max before they start running out of shit. They would probably have like number of children laws.”

“What do you think would happen to people that broke the laws?” Clarke asked. She pushed the cart forward and Raven followed. Pulling in body wash and razors as they passed the section. Octavia left them momentarily, coming back with a three pack of Organic 1% milk.

“Float them,” Raven supplied when the group was together again.

“Float them? What the fuck is that?” Lexa asked.

All of the females stopped to look at them. “Did you just say ‘fuck’, MaDa Lexa?”

“Yes, I swear. And that one is a HELL NO!” Lexa said to the brunette looking at them wide eyed.

Raven continued as they began to move towards the cashiering stations, “Float, as in float in space. Open the hatch and let them go. Population control plus societal fear tactic. Very effective.” Clarke nods in agree me. Lexa looks at the three women contemplating their role in a hundred year old station that would eventually return to earth so they may rule the region.

“I’ll stay on the ground thank you,” Lexa says, grateful that this was not a nuclear apocalypse because they were not sure they could do without the three women with them. Even Raven, though they were still angry that about whole making out with Clarke. Lexa felt a strange love for the woman and every day she saw how open and sweet the troubled woman was. Maybe they would talk someday and Lexa would learn why Raven was with them and taking on the role of older teenage sister when she was clearly old enough to be in college. _Where does she even work?_ Lexa asked realizing that they knew next to nothing of the woman that lived in the third bedroom. 

~Clarke~

Lexa almost puked when Clarke pulled out her debit card to pay the $658.39. They didn’t say anything about it all the way home, or as the four bodies spent the better part of an hour putting the items away. Once it was done, Lexa asked Clarke to take a walk with them through the neighborhood.

Clarke entangled their fingers together with hers as they walked around the first turn. “So what’s up, Lex? You’ve been tense sense Costco.”

“Clarke, I don’t want to pry into your private matters, but there is something I would like to talk with you about,” Lexa began.

“Okay,” Clarke said. _They’re leaving. They’re not happy_.

“We talked about ‘uhauling’ and I have been spending a vast amount of time at the house,” Lexa stated looking straight ahead. “I don’t want you to feel as though I am taking advantage of you and I would like to discuss how I can contribute to the household expenses.”

_Contribute? I own that house. I don’t need help._

Clarke looked to the lover on her right and then back to the street, “This is about finances?” And Clarke realized that Lexa was trying to take a form of responsibility in the house, but she felt herself becoming immediately defensive.

“Yes, I feel that you are supporting a lot of people and I do not want to burden you. I have a stable job-“

Clarke cut them off, “I know you have a job Lexa. I have the same job. And you don’t have to ‘contribute to household finances.’”

_What makes them think I need their help. I am a grown ass successful woman._

“But I would like to,” Lexa says looking over to the blonde whose face has hardened in a sense. Her eyes were more determined and jaw set.

“I have more than enough money, Lexa. I don’t need help maintaining my house,” Clarke responded sternly. And as the words left her mouth, she regretted it.

  _My house. It supposed to be our house._

They take a few more steps.

_Shit. I said my. Shit._

Left. Right. Left. Right.

_Shit. Shit. How do I fucking fix this._

Left. Right. Left. Right.

 _Fucking say something!_ Clarke could tell that her words had dug into Lexa deep and she wished that she could take them back.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

“May I ask how? As you said we work the same job. Yet, I barely managed my apartment,” Lexa asked softly.

_Reason 1: Dad is dead. Don’t wanna talk about it._

Left. Right. Left. Right.

_Reason 2: Mom’s rich. Don’t wanna talk about it._

Left. Right. Left. Right.

_Reason 3: I wrote a fucking book and it’s a best seller. How do they not know this?_

“I have a lot of money,” Clarke says casually, but knows that is not enough. Instead she goes through the list of reasons why she doesn’t need help, “Look, Lexa. I have a really rich mother, a dead father, and I am a published author. Money is not a concern for me.”

They stopped moving, and Clarke had to stop and turned to see them. Face to face, Lexa grabbed hold of the woman’s hands. “Clarke, I did not mean to upset you. I just wanted to contribute to our life together.”

Clarke looked into the deep green eyes and saw the vulnerability playing behind them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and pressed her body into Lexa’s. “I just don’t like talking about money.”

“I’m sorry too, Clarke,” Lexa says wrapping their arms around the woman. “I just wanted to contribute as your partner. I don’t want to be just another person that needs an open door.”

Clarke absorbed the words. Contemplating, she asked, “Wanna pay the electric bill?”

Lexa let out a soft laugh, “Is that it?”

“Um… yep. That’s it?” she answered tucking her head into Lexa’s neck. “That way you can buy out of your lease.”

Lexa pulls the woman away and holds her arm’s length away, “That is what you want?” Clarke nodded.

“Yes, I don’t want you living in a bag. It’s our home, not just mine anymore,” and Lexa pulls the woman into them holding them tighter and pressing lips to the blonde’s forehead.

“Okay, I’ll take care of it on Monday,” Lexa utters softly into the woman’s hair.

~~~~~

When they returned home, they found Octavia running around the house in a mad dash cleaning every surface visible and not. Raven was hastily pulling clothing and items from her room and throwing them through Octavia’s doorway as though she was preparing to vacate the room and shack up with Octavia.

Clarke’s eyes grew wide as Octavia stopped in front of her in bewilderment. “She called when you were out so I answered your phone,” the teen huffed with frantic breathes.

 Clarke nodded, and the teen continued, “She’s on her way here. Plane landed twenty minutes ago. “

Lexa looked at the teen and then to the blonde, body tensing to the panic in the air. “What’s wrong, Clarke? Whose coming?” They ask, reaching out to touch their lover, partner, someday wife.

“My mother.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to preface this with that I really hate purely villainous characters. Abby may be a bitch but there is much more going on there.

**~Lexa~**

The cab pulled into the drive way not fifteen minutes later. They heard the green Prius crunch over the graveled driveway and come to a stop outside the ranch style home. Lexa could see the look of panic in Clarke’s face and couldn’t tell what it was about this woman that would cause Clarke to freak out so much. Whatever it was though, the feelings were contagious as Octavia also acted as though she were about to be caught for throwing a large house party.

Octavia had run into her room just moments before, dragging Raven behind her. The teen changed into a looser pair of boot cut jeans and a black shirt that covered all of her torso, which was something no one in the house had seen in a long while, while the brunette came out sporting a similar outfit that had obviously been pulled from Octavia’s closet. Each had their hair pulled back into tight ponytails with minimal makeup. They looked like young teenage girls and Lexa was impressed at their ability to desexualize themselves.

‘Maybe Abigail Griffin should come to visit more often,’ they thought but then realized that must not be true if the Griffin women were so keen on changing their everyday habits to appease this person. Clarke had not changed from her skinny jeans and pale blue shirt, rather just threw her hair up into a ponytail to match the girls. Lexa wasn’t sure what to do. They were already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, though the shirt was a rock band and slightly overly large. But their hair was pulled back in a fish tail braid, so they looked as casually comfortable as any of the other occupants.

Octavia and Raven made their way to various ends of the couch not facing the door. Clarke opened the door and walked out to the cab to greet her mother. Lexa stood in the door way and took in the sight of the interaction between the two generations. Abby moved in for a hug, that Clarke only half way reciprocated. Lexa found this weird because Clarke had always been so open and welcoming. Yet this was her blood, the person that brought her into this world, and she stood there as though they were an alien to her.

“Clarke, baby, its so good to see you,” Abby said kindly. Abby’s light chestnut hair was pulled back from her eyes, but remained down in gentle waves that appeared as a relaxed version of Clarke’s more buoyant curls.

“Hi, Mom,” Clarke said reaching for the bag and carrying it towards the door. Clarke met Lexa’s eye and smiled cautiously at them as they moved into the house.

Abby was small like Clarke, a little less supple in the areas that made Lexa stare, but overall a very attractive woman. Lexa watched as Abby took in the house, eyes falling on the two girls on the couch first, then moving to them.

“Wow, Clarke. This house has become rather full hasn’t it. You always had an instinct to take care of people,” Abby said. Lexa warmed to the idea of Clarke being a perpetual mother figure and the words made them like Abby.

For a minute.

Until she opened her mouth again.

“Maybe someday you’ll start a family of your own.”

And done.

** ~Octavia~ **

Octavia didn’t move from the couch. She knew she should get up and move to hug her mother’s mother but she couldn’t. She knew what this week would hold. Condescending remarks to her mom about not being married. Not having a baby of her own. About giving up her youth for an abused teen.

_I’m her fucking baby, Abby_ , Octavia thought.

Clarke had been her mother through all the shit. Had asked the question that no one really wanted the answer to. Had held her hand when the police came. Had visited the group home every day. Had pushed the adoption paper work through even after the dozens of times Octavia had told her to ‘go fuck yourself.’ Clarke never stopped trying for her.

She felt she didn’t deserve Clarke’s kindness. Who loves a teenager that was never going to be alright? Who screams in the middle of the night and has nightmares that could make grown people piss their pants. Who spends thousands of dollars on legal paperwork on a teen that dug a blade through their arms and stomach just trying to make a way for the pain to escape, or could kill a bottle of tequila as though it were water and ride the closest guy in the room when she is done.

Clarke Griffin.

Clarke Fucking Griffin is the only person that would put up with all of it and still love her. Love her to the point that maybe the nightmares only visit occasionally. Love her to the point that she doesn’t even drink at the parties and she has yet to have sex with Lincoln. Love her to the point that there isn’t pain trying to tear through her skin.

And yet she came from Abby. Abby “The General Fucking Surgeon Doctor” Griffin. Abby-I’m-Too-Good-To-Have-A-Train-Wreck-of-Adopted-Granddaughter-Or-a-Lowly-Teacher-For-A-Daughter-Griffin.

She hears the words come out of the woman’s mouth, but it takes Octavia a second to really process what is being said, “Maybe someday you’ll start a family of your own.”

Tears well up and she is grateful she is not in the chair facing the grandmother. _Fuck you, Abby Griffin. Fuck you. We have a family; you’re just mad you’re not apart of it._

**~Raven~**

_Well, that literally just happened._

Raven sat next to Octavia and can see the teen trying to hold back the tears. _So this is why they don’t like Grandma Griffin._

She’ll give the woman some credit. She was fit as fuck. She was put together and had some balls too. Standing in her daughter’s home and saying, “Maybe someday you’ll start a family of your own.”

Raven tries to remain silent. But she can’t help the anger welling up within her. ‘Who the fuck does that? She’s been here all of five minutes and managed to insult the patched together family that they have tried to stitch together over the past few days.’

“You know that is a pretty fucked up thing to say,” the words are out of Raven’s mouth before she can stop them. She sees Octavia’s eyes widen in bewilderment as a tear escapes. Looking at Clarke, whose face is staring at Lexa searching for a cue on what to do. Lexa standing straight and angry staring those harsh green eyes as though given the opportunity they would run this woman through with a sword.

“Excuse me,” the hot grandma said.

“Yeah, you should excuse yourself,” Raven proclaimed.

“And who would you be?” Abby asked brown eyes locked on the caramel colored girl with chocolate locks. When Raven doesn’t answer right away, Abby fills the silence by turning to her daughter. “You really need to stop taking in strays dear. You’ll turn this beautiful home into a half-way house.”

“Nope, not even close,” Raven supplied again. “Seem them before. This place is like a fucking palace, run by a beautiful princess. And if she’s a princess,” Raven says pointing to Clarke, “then that must make you the fucking ice queen.”

**~Clarke~**

Standing with the suitcase still in her hand, Clarke had to resist the urge to reach over and bash the woman that gave birth to her with it. She knew her anger was visible. But that couldn’t stop the wheel that had been put in motion.

When the words come out they were not a surprise.

“Maybe someday you’ll start a family of your own.”

She had said something similar when Clarke informed her of the final court hearing for Octavia. That time it was along the lines of why waste money on a kid that’s not yours.

_Don’t slap you mother, Clarke._

_Don’t slap you mother, Clarke._

_Don’t slap you mother, Clarke._

Blood pounded in her ears blocking out much of what Raven said.

“…fucking ice queen.”

_Fucking bitch is more like it. How did I come from her?_

No one spoke. No one moved for a long time.

Abby stared at Raven, who held Octavia’s hand. Octavia cried silently.  Clarke gripped the suitcase not sure how to move forward without physically harming her mother. And Lexa… Lexa just stood there looking at the oldest person in the room. Up and down.

 _Move. Do SOMETHING!’ DEFEND YOUR FUCKING KID!_ her brain shouted at her.

“God damn it.” She said under her breath. Abby turned to look at her daughter. “Why do you have to be like this?”

“I am just protecting you sweetie,” she says. Waving her hands around the air, “Your father did so much and you are flushing it away on a spoiled brat with no relation. I don’t even know who the other two are because they haven’t even introduced themselves, just that the one is extremely disrespectful.”

“Yeah, because you have been the epitome of respectful behaviors,” Raven said rolling her eyes.

Octavia got up from the couch and moved towards her bedroom. Before she turned down the hall, she looked back at Abby and said quietly, “Its good to see you’re well, Mrs. Griffin.” Turning away, she moved from view and Clarke’s heart broke in what felt like a million pieces.

**~Lexa~**

“I think you should leave,” Lexa said coldly. Their voice harsh and low. The bass booming in a subtle way that no one could deny the command that was behind the tone.

“And who are you to tell me that I may not stay in my daughter’s home?” Abby said coolly.

If this had been yesterday, Lexa may have backed down. Hell if it had been two hours ago, they definitely would have back down. But this was now. And less than an hour ago, Clarke Griffin asked Lexa to U-Haul. And Lexa pays the fucking electric bill.

“This is my home that I share with your daughter. My partner. My someday wife. And I will not have you disrespect my someday daughter, or my…. Raven.”

**~Abby~**

Abby stared at this stranger in shock. _Partner._ Then, ‘Someday wife?’ and finally, “Excuse me? My daughter is not gay,” she tells the green eyed individual staking claims over her baby. Her only child. Her only piece of family left, since Jake… since Jake…. Died.

And the one that must be called Raven said, “Dude lady you sure need a lot of excuses today.”

“Okay, enough!” Clarke called out. Looking at her mom, Abby could see the pain in the girl’s eyes. Her father’s eyes. The same look he gave her, before he…

She shook her head slightly as Clarke began to speak. “Mom, Raven has graciously agreed to live with Octavia for the duration of your visit. However, it appears you have managed to make my daughter cry in less than five minutes. A record you should be proud of yourself. You pissed off Raven who honestly is the only supportive person here in this house of everyone. And insult the family that Lexa and I have built.”

“So you will kick your own mother out?” Aby said tilting her head to her daughter. She couldn’t believe that wanting Clarke to start her own family was such a taboo topic with these people. “I don’t understand what I said that was so bloody offensive to your roommates, Clarke.”

Clarke set down the suitcase and walked over to Lexa. Grabbing hold of Lexa’s hand, Clarke drew the strength from the stoic masked face, “You cannot walk into my home… our home and insult our way of life. I want you to stay because Dad would have wanted me to honor the open door policy at all costs, but you have to convince the rest of this family to allow that.”

“Clarke, I am your mother and I –“

“And I am your daughter. And this is my partner, Lexa. And that teenage girl you just sent crying to her room wants nothing more to call you grandma. And this is our Raven. We’re not sure how she plays in yet, but she is ours and we are hers.”

‘And what about me?’ Abby couldn’t help but think, ‘I’m your mother and I have no place at all.’

“I…” Abby began but didn’t know where to go.

“Look Mom, I am all you have left. Maybe instead of wondering when I will be making a biological, you can look at the amazing family I have made. You could be a part of this,” Clarke says waving her hands around the room to indicate the bodies within and the one locked behind the closed door.

Tears welled up in her eyes. Abby saw how much Clarke had grown into being just like Jake. Abby had always hid behind work and familiar duty. Jake had taught the blue eyed girl in front of her that people are family. _How can I be a part of this? I let your father die. I can’t be a part of your life._

**~Lexa~**

Lexa could see the strain on Abby face as though there was more to the story than just the rude exterior that was being shown. Maybe she wanted a chance. Everyone needed second chances. They needed a second chance.

_Open doors._

Lexa came forward and extended their hand, “Hello Mrs. Griffin. I don’t know you but I love your daughter very much. I love your granddaughter very much. I love the Raven, though I am not sure why. And I would like to opportunity to get to know you as well.”

**~Clarke~**

_They said they love me._

**~Raven~**

_Get it, Lexa._

**~Abby~**

Abby took the person’s hand and held it warmly. The grip was gentle and soft, and Abby was in awe. Never had she seen this house under a united front.

_Maybe._

_Maybe this could work._

“If you all will excuse me, I have a teenager that I owe a very sincere apology to,” Abby said withdrawing her hand from Lexa’s. She looked at her daughter and then to the brunette on the couch that was still glaring at her.

Walking down the hall, Abby practiced her apology speech. She stood in front of the door and just listened for a minute. She could hear the muffled cries from within and for the first time since knowing the teen Abby understood just how monstrous she had been.

And she wondered, _I have done so much damage to these girls. What will they do when they realize I didn't plan on leaving?_


	23. Chapter 23

**~Octavia~**

She didn’t hear the knock at first. It was only a light rap, and even if she had heard it there was no one out there she wanted to see. Coughing slightly, she ran the back of her hand under her nose and then looked for a place to wipe the glistening snot and tears that had trailed from hand to wrist.

The second knock was a little harsher, but it didn’t matter. Octavia was not one to let others see her cry. She pulled the sheet from the bed and wiped at her face. Sniffing in heavily, she attempted to clear her throat.

Thw third knock came with the opening of the door. “Octavia?” Abby’s voice said softly. Octavia didn’t look at the door. Instead she stood and busied herself with trying to find a place to put all of Raven’s clothes that were strewn across the floor.

 _Pull a Lexa. Find your nice face,_ she told herself.

“Octavia,” the woman said again, but she still felt no urge to awknowledge the other body in the room. “I’m sorry. I was out of line out there.”

 _That’s it?_ She picks up a pink shirt and smells it, gasoline, dirty. She tosses the shirt into the white laundry basket.

“Will you please talk with me?” the woman asked and to Octavia’s surprise she looks at the person standing in the doorway. She was taller than Abby. She was better built than Abby. _Why is she so intimidating, then?_

Silence.

_Because she will never love you._

“I don’t really have much to say, Mrs. Griffin,” she says, adding the title for no other reason than to let Abby know that she is nothing more than a formality.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke stood close to Lexa and listened to the repeated knocks on the door. They hadn’t spoken since Abby left the room, and there was so much to say.

_They said they love me._

_Lexa told my mother that they love me._

_Holy shit._

Clarke knew it would have been safer to follow her mother down the hall and try to play mediator; however, she was hoping that without her present Octavia might say what needs to be said. That the teen may break through to the woman that had denied her presence so viciously that after the two visits they had suffered through the girl always sobbed silently in the car on the way home.

This was actually the first time since the Clarke brought Octavia home that Abby had come to visit. The home that she had purchased for Octavia to grow up in. 

They heard the door open and Abby trying to talk to the girl. There wasn’t screaming so that was a good start. Clarke felt as Lexa moved in close to her. She looked up into the green eyes and realized how different Lexa was, and how amazingly open they had been.

_They said they love you._

“I love you too, Lexa,” Clarke whispers up to the person holding her. She sees the green eyes widen and a smile creep across their face. Their lips so utterly perfect as they revealed the straight white teeth.

“I meant to tell you first, but I just had to make her understand,” Lexa said bending their head down to press a chaste kiss on Clarke’s mouth.

“It was perfect,” Clarke says. “You are perfect.”

“And you two are grossly cute. But remember I got kicked from my room and no where to hide with the gorgeous gramma in with the sister. So please don’t start doing dirty things on the kitchen table,” Raven interrupted their moment.

 “Raven, you can’t call O your sister and talk about my mother being hot at the same time. That is extremely weird,” Clarke states.

“No weirder than listening to you both praise God every night its clear that this is a Buddhist household,” Raven quips, pointing to the various statues of the Indian Buddha around the house.

Lexa just shook their head, “I bought you headphones for a reason.” Clarke wanted to be embarrassed but she couldn't. Lexa did things that made her unable to be silent. They had tried pillows, kisses, and once in the middle of the afternoon Lexa even covered her mouth with her palm. Clarke was just loud, and she knew that Lexa got off on it so she didn’t try to be quiet.

“I know, Queerma, but I can’t sleep with those things one. A TV in my room, now that I can sleep with all night on,” Raven states, raising her eyebrows. Looking at Raven, Clarke notices for the first time how young the woman really is. They hadn’t talked much about who she was or where she had come from. The only thing Clarke really knew was that Raven was a mechanic of some sort, and bagged on her Prius as a mechanic’s worst nightmare.

“Not you too,” Lexa says rolling their eyes.

“We are not buying you a TV for your room, Raven,” Clarke answers as well, laughing at how much things had changed in the last week.

**~Abby~**

Abby could hear the laugher echoing from the living room. It was Clarke’s laughter; a sound she had not heard in years. Not since before Jake…

“You might not,” Abby said inching into the room. “But I do.”

Octavia stood up straight and looked at her. The green eyes were so clear. Unlike the dark forests that were present when Abby had first met the teen. They were not wide though like a carefree child who lived the privledged life she did should be. No, they were stern, hard. They showed the world that she was not privledged. That she had lived through hell and survived.

“Nothing you can say will be nice. Its been three years. I get it you hate me,” Octavia said breaking the staring contest. The girl had grown so much, from a lanky awkward child, all nobby elbows and twig like legs. And she had missed it. She had missed this child, that her daughter fought to bring into her life, growing up. Before her stood a young woman ready to take on the world.

 _How much more will you let yourself miss?_ Abby questioned.

“I don’t hate you, Octavia,” Abby started, but didn’t get the opportunity to finish.

“You don’t get to do this,” Octavia stated more loudly than she anticipated. “You don’t get to come in here and fake an apology to me as though it is something that should matter. You can’t stand me. I get it. I’m not good enough to be a part of  _your_  family…”

Octavia keeps talking but the tears are flowing steadily from Abby now. The rant showing her just how cruel she has managed to become over the past several years. To make matters worse, she knows that her coldness had nothing to do with this girl. Nothing to do with her daughter. But that is who took the blows.

“…I know I am not worth the time or the love she gives to me…”

The tears keep coming, and Abby realizes she has not felt anything so strongly in a long time. All the times she had questioned Clarke’s decision to choose this kid, berated her for caring about someone other than herself, belittled the teen into feeling that she did not deserve familiar love. She did this.

She hurt a child.

She hurt her daughter.

She let her husband die.

“…I know you’ll never love me,” and the knife digs in deeper, causing Abby to grip the bedroom door frame with one hand, holding her other hand to her chest.

“I’m sorry, Octavia,” came out as a whisper and she collapsed into the pile of clothes.

**~Clarke~**

They heard when the teen started to yell. Clarke wanted to be angry that the girl was being disrespectful to her mother, but the words were not those of hate. It was three years of Abby’s disrespect. Three years of Abby’s unacknowledgement. Three years of being viewed as less. And today the damn that Octavia had built within cracked, spilling out every sorrow and pained thought the girl had towards the older woman.

“…I’m not worth the time or love she gives me…” comes down the hallway and Clarke begins to move towards the sound. She is several feet away from the back of her mother and can see the woman’s chest heaving slightly.

 _She’s crying_ , and even though she doesn't mean to Clarke feels a sense of vindication in Abby’s pain. Abby had caused her so much pain with her father and then her daughter. Clarke once wondered if her mother would sabotage every relationship she had to keep her close.

“… I know you’ll never love me,” comes out and Clarke feels the pain hit her hard in the heart. She let this woman hurt her kid more than she should have. This was on her.

As she was just about to the door, she heard the apology whispered and watched as the woman collapsed.

Octavia screamed from within, which caused Lexa and Raven to come running into the room. Raven flipped the woman over and checked for a pulse. Lexa stood behind Clarke, phone to their ear. “I need an ambulance at…”

Blood pulsed through Clarke’s ears and she couldn’t hear anything but Octavia screaming.

Her arm jerked back and she saw Lexa looking at her. Lexa moving their mouth.

“Clarke…. Clarke…” her arm is jerked again by her partner, and Lexa’s lips are no longer just moving. There are words coming out. “What happened, Clarke?”

Clarke closes her eyes and shakes her head, “I… I… she just fell.”

When Lexa speaks next it is not to her, but to the person on the other side of the phone, “No, she just fell over,”

Clarke looks back at Raven, who is giving her mother CPR. She hears Raven counting.

“27,”  _push. Not you too._

“28,”  _push._ _Not like this._

“29,” push.  _We have so much to say._

“30,”  _push. Don't leave me alone._

_Breath. Breath._

“13,”  _push. I built us a new family._

“14,”  _push. Don't leave me._

_Focus. Get it together. They need you to pull your fucking shit together._

Eight minutes and thirty two seconds is how long it took for the paramedics to arrive. A big burly man with a long bread spoke with Lexa.

Clarke whispered out, “she just fell,” as connect the AED to her chest. The pads on either side of her exposed chest. The flat line with the little machine talking.

She watched as her mother’s chest jerk from the messy floor.

She watched as the line across the screen did not flux after the initial shock.

She watched as her mother’s chest jerk from the messy floor, again.

 _Beep._  The line rose.

 _Beep._  The line rose, again.

They wheeled Abby Griffin out on the stretcher, passed Clarke. She heard them say, “…heart attack…”


	24. Chapter 24

**~Raven~**

The two newest members of the house each held a hysterical, female Griffin in their arms. Raven embraced Octavia like the older sister the woman had come to be, while Clarke held onto Lexa as though they were the only thing holding her to the ground. No one spoke because no words could break the enormity of sorrow that each felt.

**~Abby~**

She regained consciousness in the ambulance. A huge breaded man leaned over her, speaking, but it was hard to hear him over the machines buzzing and the sound of the road they were traveling down with sirens blaring.

“…Nyko,” she hears. She looks around with huge eyes trying to figure out what happened.

_Ambulance._

The monitor off to the side of her was beeping, and the sound was increasing. She feels the pads connected to her chest.

Beep… Beep…Beep...

 _Did I have a heart attack?_ She reaches up and pulls the plastic oxygen mask off her face.

“Did I have a heart attack?” she asked.

“Mrs. Griffin, I’m going to…”

“I’m a doctor. Did I have a heart attack?” she asked again, feeling the organ within beating against her rib cage in an effort to escape.

“Yes, we believe so. Please help yourself not have another,” he answers quietly, yet sternly. He moves the oxygen mask back into place.

Bp.Bp.Bp.Bp.Bp.

Bp.Bp.Bep.Bp.Bep.Bp.

_Deep breathe…1…2…3….4_

Bep.Bep.Bep.

_Deep breathe…1…2…3….4_

“Better, Dr. Griffin,” Nyko says quietly. “We are transporting you to Banner Thunderbird Hospital.” Abby nodded in understanding. She looked towards the back of the rig, expecting to see Clarke in the ambulance with her. They usually took one relative with someone, but there was no one there. She was alone. Nothing new, but there was a new emptiness within.

Nyko noticed the path of her eyes, and supplied her with the answer to the unanswered question, “Your daughter, the blonde, said she would follow us. They were trying to calm the teen down.

_Octavia._

_She will think this is her fault._

**~Clarke~**

It took a half hour before Clarke was put together enough to slide into the driver’s side of the Prius. Lexa wanted to go with her, but after much debate they agreed that Octavia needed a stable adult with her right now.

The hospital was less than fifteen minute drive if one followed the speed limit. Clarke made it in nine minutes, then sat in the car for many minutes afterwards. Words echoed through the speakers softly, “…tell you the story of who I am, so many stories of where I’ve been and how I got to where I am…”

Tears should be following, but Clarke’s ducts were dry. She absorbed the words of the song wondering how it is she had gotten here. How did her and her mother’s relationship collapsed. She knew she could pin point the moment that she stopped talking with her mother. It was the day her mother made it clear the matter of appearances meant more that the reason for the action. 

* * *

 

_The car ride was silent. The teenage blonde had arms wrapped tightly around her chest and glared out the backseat window. She sat behind the mother, who stared forward almost not blinking, while the father drove grinding his teeth in irritation._

_He was the first to speak, “You can’t use violence to fix your problems, Clarke.”_

_The girl’s jaw quivered as she took in a shakey breath._

_“You realize how bad this make your father and I look?” the mother asked from the front seat, but the girl still just stared out the window._

_Her hand throbbed where the knuckles were slightly swollen and scraped. When the father spoke again, it was softer. “I know why they say you hit the boy, but would you like to tell us why you did it?”_

_“Does it really matter, Jake? She is suspended for a week and it will be on her permanent record,” the mother said to her husband still refusing to look anywhere but forward._

_Clarke clenched tighter around herself, ‘No, mom it doesn’t matter that the dick I punched raped Talia. That Talia refuses to tell anyone.’_

_Jake answers his wife, “Yes, it always matters why we do them. Clarke?”_

_Clarke just shakes her head tears pouring down her face. ‘I made a promise. I keep my promises.’_

_“He deserved it,” she whispered, not giving her parents anything else. ‘And I would do it again.’_

* * *

 

Clarke rest her head against the steering wheel. _His death was all my fault. He should be here to help her._

**~Lexa~**

They each had a place around the dining room table. The teen still in tears, and it is uncertain as how someone her size could hold that much disposable water. But they just poured out.

“It’s not your fault,” Lexa said softly, holding the girl’s hand. They wanted to be with Clarke, but this was their chance to see if parenting was actually plausible for them.

“I screamed at her until she had a fucking heart attack. How is that not my fault?” Octavia spat out, with spittles of tears, snot, and saliva flying across the table.

“Octi, that lady is a bitch. she deserved to get yelled at," Raven said coldly.

“What if I killed her?” she asked, searching Lexa’s eyes. “I will have killed her mother. People that come into contact with me die.”

Lexa laughed. They didn’t means too, but they did. One side of their mouth kinked up at the side and the snorting laughter caught the other two off guard. “Sorry, Octavia, but you realize that all people die. Every person you will meet will die. It is a product of being alive, not a product of meeting you.”

“You mean, I’m going to die someday? This is the worse Procreator-Daughter conversation ever!” Lexa’s mouth drops as the final words exited Raven’s mouth, who stared at them with wide eyes. If Lexa didn’t know Raven better, they would swear the girl really never considered the concept of personal death.

“No! That is horrible! That name just reinforces what they do to Mom!” Octavia says, tears finally haulting.

“Well, it’s like all they do. The bedroom, the car, the-“ Raven lists.

“NO! Stop! My mother would never she is a saint!” Octavia says raising her chin, in defense of Clarke.

“A saint, sure. That’s why she spends so much time calling for God,” Raven adds.

“Oh my god, Raven. Stop it,” Octavia fsays reaching out and punching the older girl in the arm.

“Kids! Violence is not the answer,” Lexa says, pulling the two apart from wrestling over the table.

**~Abby~**

Abby sat up in the bed, with a candula running oxygen into her nose, when Clarke entered the room a few feet . They locked eyes and just looked at each other for a few moments. They both knew that this was a moment in time that would decide what path they would follow.

“Hey, baby,” Abby said softly.

“Hiya, Mom,” Clarke supplied. She wrung her hands around the Lexa’s hoodie that she had brought with her. “We need to find away to fix this because that kid is my daughter and I can’t let you make her think she doesn’t deserve to be a part of my family. That she is not good enough to be loved.”

“Its me that doesn’t deserve your love, Clarke,” Abby said softly.

Clarke approaches the bed and takes her mother’s soft pale hand, “Mom, every one deserves love.”

“No, Clarke. I let Jake die,” she whispers as the tears again break through.

“There wasn’t enough time.”

 

* * *

 

_They were still angry at each other, as Jake continued their drive home. He wasn’t going over the speed limit, but his mind was wandering in all the directions trying to figure out why his daughter would punch a boy she didn’t even know until he was unconscious._

_His mind was so focused on the different potential causes that he didn’t see the car going to fast to stop at the light. He didn’t hear the loud bass booming from the Honda Civic until it was feet from his door. He had pulled out into the intersection and the car struck them, sending the Ford Explorer in a direction that should not be physically possible with the wheel alignment._

_Blood was running down his face, and his wife frantically pulled at her seat belt until he hit the red button that released it for her. She pushed on her door but she couldn’t get it open because they were pinned against the huge metal pole._

_Taking her elbow she smashed it against the already cracked window. The girl in the back seat lay unconscious across the seat, her right temple sticky crimson blood coating the girl’s blond curls. The smell of gasoline was heavy in the air._

_“Get her out of the car,” he yelled as Abby crawled through the small opening in the window._

_She threw open the back door and pulled the girl who began to wake from the vehicle. The girl started to scream and pull away from the woman to get back to the car. But the flames caught and the woman pulled the girl back. Burying the girl’s head into her chest._

_It took moments for the SUV to be entirely encompassed in flames._

_For Jake to be inflames._

_For Jake to scream his final agonizing breathes._

 

* * *

 

“I should have saved him,” the woman cried.

“You couldn’t save us both,” the daughter sobbed back.

Clarke crawled into the oversized bed with Abby and they wrapped into each other and cried.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this has not been editted well yet. If you are a grammar Nazi, wait until this evening to read through. I just had to put it but before I left my work computer and my email is down. Lo sieto.

Lexa sat holding their phone, flipping it over and over again. There had been no word from Clarke since her arrival at the hospital. The girls snuggled in close to each side of Lexa since they had to separate them to cease the wrestling match

They had let Octavia pick the movie, meaning that for 105 minutes they were all forced in a world of musical animations as the long haired princess found her true family after being enclosed in a tower for most of her life. As they watched the film, Lexa looked down at the girls, the teen's head on their lap, the older one's head tucked into the crook of Lexa's arm. The girls pulled them in. Their girls. So this is parenthood.

Lexa looked at the wide eyed girl in their lap staring at the scree intently. It seemed like the girl failed to even blink.

"O?" Lexa said.

"Huh?" The girl answered. Raven pulled away, laying her head on the other leg. Lexa reached down and started to create a tiny rows of braids in the front of the teen's head.

"What's with the Disney movies?" They asked quietly. They saw Raven's eyes widen slightly. Apparently, Lexa was not the only one asking this question.

Octavia didn't look back at them, just said, "Hero's Journey."

"Hero's what?" The old girl asked.

"Hero's Journey," Octavia states again with the same influx used the first time.

Lexa laughed softly to themself, "Can we have a full sentence, please?"

Octavia reached over to the coffee table and grabbed the remote. Hitting pause she shifted into a kneeling position on the couch and stared at the other two. Gaping at them, she asked, "you people don't know what the hero's journey is?"

Both heads shook in response and girl shook her head as well, "You people have a lot to learn if you want to be a Griffin."

*****

Abby had fallen asleep thanks to a sedative the nurse had brought her. Clarke spoke with the doctor, who confirmed that it was a stress related heart attack and that she was lucky it happened with so many people around that cared for her.

'What is going on with you, Mom?' Clarke asked herself.

They had been distant for so long, Clarke had no idea what the woman had to be stressed about. Sure she was a surgeon and that definitely held some form of stress; however, was it enough to cause her a heart attack.

Moving close to the bed, Clarke pushed a hair behind her mother's ear.  
"Why are you here, Mom?" she whispered.  
*****  
"So, you're telling us that every single story follows the same plot?" Raven asked.  
Octavia shook her head, "No every hero has the same path."

Lexa nodded thinking closely about the hero's stories they were familiar with. "Okay, so what does that have to do with you and Disney?"

Octavia looked at them and then down, "it's dumb."

Lexa reached out and took the girl's hand. Raven was blown away at how they were able to be so calm and understanding with the girl. Lexa was a good person, has some major baggage, but they definitely hit here with the Griffin women.

'Where do I fit?' Raven asked herself. A sense of loneliness  wrapping around her. She didn't have a Clarke Griffin or Lexa Trikru growing up. She had been alone since her mother chose the high over her. 'Can I be a part of this?'

While Raven wondered her place in this world, Octavia met eyes with Lexa. "They always start out without parents or with parents that make bad choices. They get left alone or taken and really bad things happen to them. But they get their happy ending. It's like hope, at the end of the tunnel. They're like me."

Lexa nodded and pulled the teen in for a warm embrace, "do you think you have your happy ending?"

Octavia shook her head and said, "My journey is not over. I still need to become a warrior and fight for the betterment of my people."

"So Disney to military?" Lexa asked, connecting the pieces. Octavia nodded as she pulled away from this second parental figure. "Okay I get it."

Octavia reached over and poked Raven in the head, "Your turn." Raven tilted her head up and shifted her gaze between the two sets of eyes waiting for her.

"My turn to what?" Raven asked, knowing exactly what they wanted but playing dumb.

"Your story, sister-from-another-mister," Octavia stated looking at the woman.

"What do you want to know?" Raven asked putting off the tale as long as possible. 'Maybe if they as specific questions that I can provide very specific answers.'

*****

Abby slept for several hours. The sounds of the machines hummed familiarly around her making her lose her memory at first of where she was.

Her eyes were heavy and the flemm in the back of her throat was thick, causing her to cough out a little. It stirred the blonde in the plastic chair next to her bed, but didn't wake her. This gave Abby the opportunity to truly look over her daughter. The girl was grown now. And every inch of her had embraced Jake's words, hopes, and ideals.

'I missed it, Jake. I missed her growing up.'

The girl's eyes shifted under the lids and the woman could tell she was on the verge of waking up.

She took the last few moments to remember the girl before she was the woman.

"Mom?" Clarke whispered.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"How are you feeling?" The daughter asked, moving back to the mother's side.

"I'm okay," the woman nodded.

Clarke placed her hand over Abby’s, looking at the small woman over taken by the large bed, she couldn't hold the question any longer. “Mom, why are you here?”

Abby looked at her daughter and took a deep breath, “I lost my license.”

*****

Raven had moved to the corner of the couch, and just waited for the parent and child to ask the questions they wanted answers to. ‘This would be easier. I can just answer the question. You can answer questions.”

“How old are you?” was the first question Lexa had.

“20,” she answered looking at Lexa know that the question was more to due to her make out session with Clarke a few weeks ago. ‘Yes, I am old enough to have slept with your girl.’

“Why did you seek us out?” Octavia asked, knowing the story of how Raven just showed up a few days after she had been caught with Finn.

“I wanted to apologize,” Raven  answered, shrugging her shoulder casually.

Lexa asked the real question next. It was as though this was Lexa’s job in the family, to find the truth and open it up so it can be dealt with. Raven had heard of how Clarke does this within her classroom, but it seemed in the house the woman just accepted the person was safe and wouldn't push them.

“Why do you have no place else to go?”

 She wants to tell them that she has been homeless since she was sixteen. She want to tell them that she has no documentation that she was even born. She wants to tell them that her mother was a drunk and a drug addict and tried to sell her for her next hit when she ran away. But she doesn't know how.

So she tells them, “Shit happens.”

Octavia’s eyes squint and she locks her stare with Raven, “Cut the bullshit or I’m not letting you spoon me tonight.”

Lexa was caught off guard and erupted in laughter. In between the rolls of laughter, Lexa asks, “Reyes, how did you manage to get into each of the Griffin women’s beds?”

Raven raised her eyes brows, “Not all, Griffin women’s bed. I still have Grandma to go. Give me until the end of the week”

Octavia spit the Dr. Pepper from her mouth and it sprayed across the couch, showering Lexa in the caramel brown liquid. Lexa held up their arms, mouth open in utter disgust. Raven rolled from the couch in a fit of laughter.

“What the hell, O?” Lexa spits out, bringing a hand to their face to wipe away the liquid.

“Sorry, Nontu,” the teen said still giggling.

“Nontu?” Lexa asked, continuing to fling the residue from the soda that the laughing girl on the floor.

“Means number 2 in this language called Trigedasleng. It’s a made up language for this show I like to watch,” Octavia explained.

“Number 2?” Raven asked.

“Well, Mom is obviously number 1. Sorry but you can’t be Nomon. But it’s not gendered and it sounds better than procreator,” she answers, pulling her shoulders back as she demonstrates her superior naming skills. But the façade is broken by Raven.

“How long you been sitting on that shit?”

“A few days,” Octavia said deflating some. “But I had to demonstrate how bad it could really get, so that there would be approval.”

Lexa nodded, “I like it.”

Both girls smiled. Octavia moved into Lexa again and Raven followed suit. She breathed in the two and wondered if they knew it all would they let her stay.

They broke apart at the sound of "IT"S SO FLUFFY" announcing a new text message from Clarke. Octavia checked her phone to find the message explaining that all was going well and that Abby was awake.

“Can we go see, Mom?” the teen asked. Lexa nodded again. Raven appreciated the few words of Lexa. It made the words they said more important. They would make a good Nontu.

‘Could this be home? Or is it just another place to pass through?”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! This is seriously 26 chapters long and with minimal end in sight. Hope you enjoy. I promise after this chapter I will move forward to a new day.

Octavia was lugging a large duffle bag when they entered the hospital. Even though Lexa had repeatedly told her that Abby being in the hospital was not her fault, there was still an overwhelming sense of grief that filled her.

They stood in front of the many elevators awkwardly waiting for which would ding, informing them that it would be the one they were to move towards. Lexa held a large bouquet of flowers in a glass vase that they had stopped in at the gift shop for. Raven carried two bags, and a cardboard container of drinks. One bag from Taco Bell loaded with unhealthy, yet surprising appetizing products (If one could refrain from wondering what exactly was the meat product within the shell.). The other bag help several healthy snacks that they had picked up from the small health foods store. They had all picked items that they guess Abby might like, even though they all had the same understanding of the woman’s taste in anything, which was absolutely nothing.

‘If I hadn’t yelled at her, she wouldn’t be here,’ she though as they walked onto the elevator. Only one other person accompanied them within the metal box that would suspend them above the ground with only a thin metal cable for full support.

“Going up,” the computerized female voice announced. Raven held the bar tightly and Octavia realized that she was afraid of the elevator. She smiled at the woman and wrapped her arm around Raven’s, locking their elbows together.

‘If I had just listened to what she had to say, then she wouldn’t have been so stressed and she wouldn’t be here,” she thought this time as she focused on the numbers lighting and dimming with each floor they passed.

The elevator stopped at the third floor to let out the only non-Griffin household occupant.

‘What if she really was trying to apologize and I gave her a heart attack. Now she’ll never love me,’ she realized as they exited the elevator on the fourth floor.

*****

“Do I want to know why you lost your license?” Clarke asked. It had been about an hour since her mother had dropped the bomb that she was no longer able to practice medicine.

Clarke handled the information the same way she handled anything new, she just waited until the person felt like explaining. The problem was, this wasn’t anyone; this was her mother. And Abby Griffin was a by-the-rule-book type of person. The complete opposite of Clarke; who believed that helping someone was way more important than anything else.

“I don’t know. We haven’t really spoken in many years, Clarke,” the woman said.

‘Yeah, because I might as well had been locked in the solitary ward of a prison the way you tried to communicate after dad died,” Clarke said painfully to herself. Recalling how silent the house had been following the funeral. It remained that way for the next seven months, when Clarke finished high school and in August went off to college.

“Well, the silent treatment has always been your specialty, and its gotten us really far. So how about we try something new. You tell me what you gave up your life for,” Clarke answers.

*****

They walk down the hall, checking each door’s number. Lexa tries not to look within the rooms with open doors, but there is something so appealing to seeing what is going on with people.

Most are quiet with sleeping patients. There are some that are up talking with family. One holds three very loud females. One in the bed trying not to laugh; another a little older with a bra made out of masks and a blown up glove; the third snapping photos of the whole ordeal. They made coming to the hospital look fun, and not like the terrifying  ordeal that no doubt put the first girl into the bed to begin with.

Lexa didn’t know what to expect from Abby’s room. They still have twenty three more rooms to go, and the hallway seemed like it would never end.

They looked to the teen walking a few feet in front of them. The girl hefted the huge duffle bag that she had filled with comfy clothes, books that she had enjoyed, two board games, a deck of cards. Lexa knew the girl filled the bag with things that she would have wanted. Whether she did so knowingly or not, this was her chance to share her interests with the grandmother figure.

“O, did you ever know your biological grandparents?” Lexa asked.

’15 more rooms to go.’

“No, it was just me, Bell, Mom, and her newest man,” she answered.

‘5 more doors. Hope you're ready for this non-biological family Abby Griffin, because we're ready for you.’

*****

Abby looked at her younger daughter, seeing the strength that had developed within the girl was almost breath taking. ‘You are amazing,’ is what she wants to say. But she doesn’t.

Instead she tells of a night out. A night on the arm of the City Council man, Marcus Kane. She tells of them leaving the black tie event, with too much booze in their blood. She tells of the second car accident that ruined her life.

Of the blonde haired, blue eyed girl she pulled from the front seat that was wearing jeans and a Divergent t-shirt, that couldn’t be older than Octavia. She tells of ambulance ride with girl and then the several hours in the operating room, as she tries to piece together the girl’s intestines, liver, and spline.

Of how after hours of stitching, and shocking the girl’s heart back in motion, it just became too much. How she had sobbed for hours, after drowning herself in an expensive bottle whiskey that she kept in her small office drawer.

She spoke of the lawsuit leveled against the hospital for not only allowing the person that hit the car to operate, but to do so while she was under the influence of alcohol.

Wrongful death they called it.

“I just kept seeing you. She looked so much like you in the back of the car. I just needed to save you,” Abby said not blinking. Not crying like she felt she should have been. She just retold the story as though it had been rehearsed so many times in her head.

“But you did save me,” Clarke whispered through the tears that had slowly made their way down her flushed cheek. “You pulled me from the car. I’m alive.”

Abby nodded, “But you died to me that day. And you have been gone ever since.”

The Griffin women looked into each other. Both realizing that the day Jake died, they had pulled away from each other. Each blaming the other. But each trying to still save the other.

Clarke becoming a mother in partial hope that Abby would find a new reason to be apart of her life.

Abby trying to save every blonde hair blue eyed girl that came into her hospital, knowing that she provided them more than adequate care, but would sit by their bed after surgery until they woke up.

They didn’t have time to hug. They didn’t have time for I’m sorry. Because two voices echoed down the hall, talking about grandparents. And then there were three bodies in the doorway, the center and foremost a green eyed teen whose eyes filled with sorrow at the sight of the woman in the bed.

*****

Clarke sniffed in and turned away some, trying to get her composure back. She could see the wheels turning in Octavia’s head, wondering if she should be pissed at Abby or apologize for giving her a heart attack.

“Hey, baby,” Clarke said to the teen and walked over pulling her into a hug.

“Hey, Mom,” the girl whispered, making Clarke’s world get that much lighter because this was her kid. And her kid called her mom.

She pulled back, tilting the girls head down to reach it, she placed a hard smooch on the girl’s forehead before releasing her. Octavia moved around her, and Lexa filled Clarke’s space. Pulling her in and wrapping the comforting arms around her.

‘Safe.’

‘Mine.’

She tried to hold in her emotions, but Lexa could tell she was breaking a part and needed some space, so they pulled her out into the hall, where the woman could collapse into their arms without the two girls watching.

“You’re safe, Clarke,” Lexa said to her and held her while the emotions of all the day’s events coursed through her.

*****

“This is not your fault,” were the first words out of Abby’s mouth to the little sister. ‘Quite the improvement,’ Raven thought as she planted butt on the awkwardly shaped couch under a window. Pulling up a stool like thing for a chair she started pulling food from the bag.

Octavia cautiously moved to the bed and placed the duffle bag at the very foot. She practically whispered, “I brought you some things. Siri says you could be here for minimum three days.”

Abby chuckled, which caused Raven to look up at her. She laughed like Clarke. It was a nice laugh. ‘This may be the nicest thing you have ever done for her,’ she thinks to Abby about Octavia because at the sound, Octavia’s face breaks from the solemn expression to one that is a little more relaxed and the corners of her mouth are raised just a little.

“Siri, is pretty accurate on this account,” Abby said softly, beckoning the girl to come closer.

Octavia moves forwards and begins to fight the zipper of the bag, but Raven watches as Abby places her hand on top of the girls. Octavia freezes and looks up at her with only her eyes, keeping her head still bowed. They just look at each other for a few moments.

And before Raven and really process what has happened, Octavia meets Abby with an embrace that has been three years in the making. This is one of the most touching moments that Raven has ever encountered. Almost as though she is not supposed to be there to witness this grandmother-granddaughter intimacy.

‘But you have no place else to go,’ the voice within reminds her. ‘You have no one but yourself.’

They haven’t pulled away when Raven feels the need to clear her throat. Octavia looks back at her with a playful grin plastered on her face, “Always the attention whore, huh?”

Raven rolls her eyes playfully to hide the pain within, “Well it’s not like I can go outside. I bet Nontu is holding Momma G up against a wall out there doing gross things.”

Octavia shook her head, “Stop reminding me they do that.”

“Dude, at least you didn’t catch them. You just found the left overs,” she said laughing herself momentarily returning her attention the food, then realizing that she had said all of this in front of Clarke’s mother. Clarke’s mother who just found out she was not-straight a few hours ago. Clarke’s uptight I wanna biological family mother that just wants society would constitute a normal family.

A smile creeps across Raven’s face when the thought crosses her mind, “Wait until she finds out Lexa doesn’t do gender.”

The thought causes her to look at Abby and what she sees is Abby’s mouth agape, and Raven kind of regrets saying what she had but honestly doesn’t because Lexa and Clarke have been caught far too many times by Raven doing really hot but disturbing things, because  she looks at them like parents now. Plus this lady in the bed had just hurt every single one of them a few hours prior.

‘We shouldn’t have to change for her.’

“I’m Raven, BTW,” Raven says waving a hand in an arch in front her of body. “I’m the newest stray,” she adds just to dig in the knife a little deeper.  

She stands from the couch and moves towards the bed with the healthy foods as Octavia is busily dumping the various contents that she had selected for amusement or comfort. When she reaches the bed, she holds out the bag to the woman, who takes it graciously yet cautiously.

“We got fast food and decided not the try and murder you. So you get healthy shit that none us want to eat and we don’t know you well enough to necessarily buy you what you like. So best of luck,” she says shrugging at the woman. Then leans in and whispers, “But I’ll sneak you some of my quesadilla if you let me snuggle in your bed so I can win bet.” She winks at Abby, whose mouth drops even further. They hold eyes for a minute, the air of confidence removed when Octavia landed a punch into Raven’s thin arm.

“NO!” Octavia said loudly. “You cannot try and screw my grandmother! You already slept with my mom!”

Raven holds up her hands, “I did not sleep with your mom.”

A voice behind them answers, “Well technically we did sleep.” Clarke and Lexa are standing in the door way, Lexa looks at Raven as though the hickeys still covered her neck and there was a possibility they may tie her to a tree and torture her a thousand deaths worth of pain before putting her out of her misery over this misunderstandings.

But then Abby laughed. Like really laughed. Octavia jumped because she had clearly never heard the sound before. Lexa’s glare broke from her. Clarke started laughing as well.

And Raven did what Raven does best; she shrugged and went back to the table, shoving the cheese and chicken filled tortilla in her mouth.


	27. Chapter 27

Clarke awoke suddenly Sunday to the shrill scream of the smoke sensor. Panicked she ran from the bedroom to the large great room, only to be choked with the smell of burnt eggs and bacon. Smoke was thickly floating through the kitchen and living room. Clarke could see Lexa in the kitchen in her green Starbucks apron waving a kitchen towel over the smoking mess in the kitchen sink.

Octavia and Raven came running from their temporary shared bedroom in less than adequate clothing that made Clarke give Raven a once over.

The girl held up her hands, "I slept on the floor, promise."

Clarke nodded and smiled realizing that she was being obsured, she turned back to Lexa.

"Baby. Honey. What the hell is going on?" She asks turning the faucet on that eliminated the continued smoke. Octavia took a pillow from the couch and waved it at the smoke alarm, while Raven went through the house opening all of the windows and doors.

Rain pelted the landscaped yard around the house, and the scent of creosote and wet gravel filtered throughout the house, mitigating the burning smell. It took several minutes but finally the alarm ceased its blaring.

"I was just trying to be domestic. I wanted to surprise everyone with breakfast," Lexa said somewhat on the verge of tears.

"Aw honey, you don't need to cook to be domestic," Clarke responds pulling the grease splattered body into her. And with a slight giggle, "And you sure did surprise us."

"You always clean my bathroom. That would be full on housewife shit," Octavia added, scoping out the blackened reminants of food in the sink. "How did you fuck up bacon?"

Lexa threw the towel at Octavia, who caught it unfortunately too easily.

"So Mom, what you making for breakfast," the teen turned to the blonde.

The blonde grunted, "You are in charge of breakfast while I help Lexa get cleaned up." Clarke pulled the still potentially sobbing Lexa towards the bedroom.

"Omg! You're demanding slave labor so you can have sex!" The teen announced, causing Raven to laugh.

"Let them have fun," she says as Clarke sends an air kiss back at them before pushing her lover into the bedroom. "What you want. I am capable of omelettes, French toast, pancakes..."

Octavia cut her off, "Pancakes with almond butter and bananas."

"Wow, demanding aren't you?" Raven joked. As Raven pulled supplies for breakfast out, a new face entered the house that brought instant glee to the teen's face.

"Bell!" The girl yelled jumping from her seat on the counter.

Raven looked up to see the young man that was definitely older than she. His ruffled dark hair matched that of the younger girl. But his strong jaw line and fit physic made Raven really desire a glass of water.

'Shit.'

'Shit. This must be the brother.'

Raven didn't notice she was staring. But Octavia did. And the term sister took on a new possibility for the teen.

*****

Bellamy hugged his sister tightly, trying not to focus on the brunette moving uneasily around the kitchen.

'Shit. That must be Raven,' he thought as he examined the small framed woman in black boxer briefs and sports bra.

'Who the hell walks around like that?' Then, 'Thank you for walking around like that.'

He looked away when he noticed she was watching him hug his sister. When he turned back, the woman had her back to him, giving him a new angle to appreciate. Long brown hair curled lightly in a pony tail trailing to her mid back. Lean muscles moved gracefully as she pulled a large griddle from within a low cabinet.

He watched her firm ass, open mouthed, when she bent to get a bowl from another cabinet. This earned him a harsh punch to the shoulder from Octavia.

Glaring at him, she mouthed, "No." But the smile hinting at the corner of her mouth said 'yes.'

And Bellamy though,'Yes, please.' After all his mother had taught him manners.

*****

The Bellamy drove behind the Audi with Octavia, while Raven rode with Clarke and Lexa. The agreement was that the girls would spend sometime with Abby, while Clarke and Lexa went to Lexa's apartment to decide what they would do with the furniture within the apartment. Also to get some much needed alone time, for there had been no morning playtime after Bellamy had arrived that morning.

"So, Raven?" Bellamy said casually but Octavia saw right through him.

"Dude, she is like family. If you're going fuck it up, then leave it alone," she said protectively.

Pulling her phone out she sent a message to Raven.

 **Teen Disney:** you were totally checking out

my brother. So gross.

Bellamy watched the rode. "What's her story?" he asked, trying a different approach.

"She's awesome and way to good for you. Aren't you with that frat-skank, Mona?" Octavia countered.

"Roma?"

"Yep, Roma-the-Mona!" Octavia says between laughter at her own joke.

 **Big Sister** : I'm sorry. But... Damn.

Octavia almost puked when she read the text. What the hell was wrong with the people around her? Were they drinking the horney Koolaide? At least with Finn around, or not around, there were never disgusting sounds coming from Clarke's bedroom or dirty chonies on the floor in the living room.

 **Teen Disney:** so you're interested?

 **Big sister:** did he ask you to ask

me that?

 **Teen Disney** : no. But I think I may

die if you hook up with my brother

after you tried to crawl into bed

with my grandmother and you came

out of my mother's room looking

like a fucking cheetah.

 **Big sister:** so that's a negative on trying

to tap that?

Octavia looked at Bellamy, who had turned up the music since she was preoccupied with her phone. She knew Raven was too old to be adopted but she knew she wanted her in the family.

'Maybe her and Bellamy could be like a thing' and the thought cause a smile to spread across her face.

Turning back to her brother, she adjusted the stereo volume,"so, Raven?"

She watched as the corners of Bellamy's tense mouth turned up slightly. 'Yep, he wants her.'

 **Big sister:** so...            

 **Big sister** : I will take silence as a green

light.

 **Big sister:** ok after I get with grandma

tonight I'll work on the brother.

Octavia looked down at her phone only to burst into laughter.

 **Teen Disney:**  wtf Reyes! No grandma

 **Big sister:** so yes brother?

 **Teen Disney** : don't make me regret this.

 **Big sister:** I promise not to have sex

on your bed.

 **Big sister:** the shower we share though so

that's free game.

 **Teen Disney:** stop or I will veto.

 **Big sister:** couch also fair game. Especially

since momma g and nontu already

broke it in.

 **Teen Disney:** omg! You caught them on

the couch. I sleep on that couch!

 **Big sister:** kitchen table too.

 **Teen Disney:** I can't touch anything. Ever

again. That house use to be safe now 

I need to install vagina coasters on 

every surface!

"O?" Bellamy called rather loudly for being inside a car. He even went so far as to snap his fingers I front of her face, which earned him a sharp bite to the soft part of his hand between index finger and thumb."What the fuck, O! I was talking to you!"

"And I was learning that no place in my house is safe from other people's bodily fluids! Oh and also you should ask Raven out. Not sure why but you seem to stand a chance."

*****

They entered the room in a loud hustle and Abby was introduced to yet another one of Clarke's kids, that was not her kid.

"Mrs. Griffin," the teen pranced over to the bed holding the hand of her older brother who stood by coldly eyeing the woman in the bed.

"This is my brother, Bellamy." Looking at the man, Abby knew that he had heard of her and how cruel she had been. This made her slightly intimidated by the man as he eyed her coldly.

"Hello," she said extending her hand out to the man and he took it gripping it strongly.

"Hello," he responded, not once breaking the cold gaze. But Abby did. In fact, she took a quick look around the room and noticed that there was only one person watching them closely: Raven. Rather she was watching the man in a way that made her know he had caught the younger woman's attention.

"So Mom, the kids are going to hang with you some. I have to go take care of some things with Lexa but we'll be back in a few hours to pick up Raven. Octavia is going to spend some time with her brother today. Is that okay?" the blonde asked like it was actually a question.

"Yes, Clarke that's fine," she answered. Clarke smiled and leaned in for a hug. She whispered to Abby, "He's protective. But he's a good man. Give them a chance."

And then as quickly as Lexa and Clarke came in they left.

Octavia pulled out Monopoly and was busily setting up on the bed tray, not bothering to ask anyone if they wanted to play. "I'm the dog," she announced to the remaining people and then expectantly waited for the others to tell her which price they would be. But no one got a chance.

"So are you actually going to be nice now? I'm really not interested in hanging out if this is going to end in my little sister walking out of here in tears," Bellamy stated coldly, directing all of his icey energy at Abby.

"Bell, stop being a dick," Octavia said her mouth set in a firm line.

Abby just blinked not sure how to respond. She didn't get a chance. Because Raven stepped in for her.

"Wow you make as good of a first impression as she does," she says flipping a thumb towards Abby. "But damn you have balls yell at an old lady in a hospital bed."

Bellamy looked at her and then back at Abby. He swallowed hard and then looked to the sister whose face displayed nothing but betrayal.

'She just called me an old lady. I am not an old lady. I could still do wonderfully dirty things to people.'

"O, maybe we should go," he said nervously watching the brunette that had positioned herself between him and the hospital bed. Her dark eyes were hard and focused. His gaze only shifted with the profanity falling from the younger girl's mouth.

"Fuck you, we just got here and I want to spend some time with my grandmother," the teen said. The words had tumbled out in passion, without realizing that she may have crossed a line with the woman that had made no effort to be her grandmother. Her eyes grew wide looking back at Abby.

 Abby had never heard the name from the girl, but it warmed her heart. She took the girl's hand and squeezed it. "I like the sound of that," she said to the girl with soft eyes. She knew they were grandma eyes. 'But that doesn't make me old!'. "Grandma is much better than Mrs. Griffin."

The girl jumped from where she stood, onto the over large bed, wrapping her arms around the woman's neck. "Thank you," she whispered. Then, "I promise I'm a good kid and one day I'm going to be a hero like you."

Abby pulled her in tighter, and thought,'you're already my hero, child.'

*****

Bellamy and Octavia left after a sibling rivalry filled game of monopoly that ended with Bellamy owing Raven hundreds of dollars in fake cash trying to pay all the fines of Octavia's hotels. The girl was freakishly good at the game.

"So it's just you and me, Griffin," Raven said falling into the awkward chair next to the bed.

"Are you going to call me grandma too?" The woman asked looking at Raven.

"Nope, too old for adoption," she said. But thought, ' I do want to be a part of this family, though.'

"So how do you fit?" Abby asked The question.Raven knew she was trying to piece together her role in the house, but in truth no one really knew. Not even Raven. She was there and it just worked. She didn't have an answer so she shrugged.

"Dunno," she started. "I kind of broke up your daughter's engagement."

Abby's eyebrows raised, examining the woman and flashing back to the comment about sleeping with Clarke. Her face blushed a little and Raven realized what she may be thinking so she filled in the blanks, "I didn't know that Finn and Clarke were a thing. I thought it was just him and me."

"Interesting," Abby responded with a slight sigh of relief. Raven noted the uneasiness that Abby had with the idea of Clarke with her, but she had seemed okay with Lexa.

'What's wrong with me?'

Raven sat still looking at the white board filled with information about the diet Abby was allowed, mess and 'goals' she needed to meet to be released on Tuesday.

After a few minutes, words fell from her mouth as she looked off in any direction other than at the woman that she was sure was staring at her, "I didn't have any place to go when I left our apartment and I couch crashed for a while until Clarke convinced Lexa to let me stay."

"Where is your family?" The bedridden woman proved. Raven realized this was probably like a real life soap opera for Abby.

Raven thought for a moment. She wasn't sure why but she just started to speak and Abby listened.

She explained growing up on the street. She talked about her mother being on drugs her whole life. She spoke of fears about being just like her, always looking for someone new to take her in.

"Hell! I don't even know when I was born. It makes things difficult when you have no papers saying I was born here, on this day. All I know is Phoenix, Arizona is it. I have never been anywhere else."

"Does Clarke know this?" Abby asked once it seemed like the girl was finished.

"Nope," Raven said shrugging once more.

'Why did I tell her this?' Raven asked herself, looking at the ground. She felt shame coursing through her.

*****

Abby thought of Marcus and his connections. "I may be able to help you get your papers," she said slowly and Raven looked up at her.

"Why would you do that for me?" Raven asked cautiously.

"Because everyone in this family deserves a proper birthday," she answered slowly. "I mean I have missed too many already. Plus Christmas and birthdays that's like grandparent paradise right?"

Raven smiled at her. "You can't be my grandma, Abby," she answered. The smile on Abby's face dropped momentarily.

"I mean I kind of still have to sleep with you so I can win the bet," she says raising her eyebrows a few times with a seductive look on her face.

Abby laughed and scooted over in her bed. "Well get up here, then," she says patting the side of the bed. "Sleeping, no funny business."

Raven didn't hesitate. She crawled up into the bed laying her head on Abby's shoulder. Abby ran her fingers over the woman's back and realized that this girl was old enough to be her daughter.

As the girl fell into a light nap, thoughts and emotions ran through her head. She had missed so much at being a parent. But she was getting a second chance to make things right. A second chance with Clarke and the family she has built. And maybe she could be Raven's second chance as well.

'Another daughter. Another chance to be a mother.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what has Clarke and Lexa been up to all day? Octi- the next chapter is for you.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay... I have been informed I need to update the warning to this chapter:
> 
> ONLY READ IN A PRIVATE ENVIRONMENT OR RISK LOSING YOUR MIND FROM SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
> 
> So, basically meaning this is just smut. Really no plot advancement. You can skip if uncomfortable. :)

Clarke and Lexa left the hospital quickly. The original idea was that Lexa would give Clarke a tour of their apartment and assist in packing up the items that Lexa wanted to move to the house. However, their morning was interrupted with Bellamy’s arrival, causing them no time to finish their usual morning antics.

This created a lot of sexual tension as they drove to the hospital with Raven texting in the back seat.  Clarke literally dumped the girls off in her mother’s room and pulled Lexa out so fast she wondered if it was obvious that they just wanted the opportunity to be alone.

When they arrived at the three story building, Lexa led Clarke up the numerous outdoor stairs to the small landing that Lexa’s apartment shared with the apartment across the way. Lexa pulled Clarke in for a heated kiss, as they fumbled with the key in the door. Lexa knew that opening the door would me more complicated with their mouth attached to Clarke’s pink lips; however, they couldn’t help themself.

Alas the door opened and without warning, Lexa picked up Clarke bridal style. Once crossed the threshold, Lexa kicked the door closed and carried the blonde to their bed.

Clarke was busily kissing up and down Lexa’s jaw when she was dropped ungracefully on to the deep jade comforter. Looking up she could see the predatory glare of her lover, which increased the pounding of her heart as well as the moisture between her thighs.

Before she had a chance to think, Lexa’s hands were on her hips, pulling her to the edge of the bed. When her legs dangled slightly, she watched as Lexa did not hesitate to undo her jeans and pull them off with panties and all, leaving her naked from waist down.

Lexa trailed her finger tips up and down the pale skin, gradually adding more pressure to the movements. Clarke’s eyes closed as she filled her lungs deeply, enjoying Lexa’s touch. ‘Don’t stop touching me,’ she thought, but did not say.

With her eyes closed, Clarke began to notice things that were hidden when she was watching Lexa intently. Like that the bed smelled like her favorite flowers. How Lexa’s breath was catching periodically when their hands moved from the top of her thighs to the interior area.

Lexa’s hands moved up Clarke’s body until they were pulling the woman’s shirt from her. Pressing into her, Clarke felt a new appendage protruding from Lexa’s pants that this morning had not been present, and her eyes opened in surprise.

“Lexa, do you?” she asked, eyes wide. ‘They have had a strap on this whole time? How the fuck didn’t I notice that?’

 Lexa’s met her gaze with a subtle smirk, and a gentle nod. “Is that okay?” They ask.

‘Yes. Yes. It’s ok!’ But she wanted to make more of show of it. She wanted Lexa to know that she doesn’t care if what is in their pants, she just wants them. In any form they choose to be.

Clarke’s eyes softened and she pulled Lexa down on to her, kissing her lips, then her cheek and making her way to Lexa’s ear lobe, where she sucked gently, before whispering, “Fuck me with your cock.”

****

Lexa pulled back, eyes large, pupils blown. “You’re sure?”

‘She’s ok.’ Lexa’s mind races so fast, she can’t even begin to process how things moved from her pursuing the blonde to the blonde moving from the bed.

Pushing them up against the wall and pulling their shirt off to expose their naked breasts Clarke took a few moments to give each a little deserved attention. Then, Clarke undid Lexa’s belt and pushed down the boyfriend cut jeans that had allowed them to wear the flesh pigmented toy without it gaining attention. Before Lexa could move to take control again, Clarke dropped to her knees and ran her tongue only the silicon toy.

It didn’t matter that there was absolutely no sensation for Lexa in this. This was about Clarke showing them that she embraced them for them.

‘Holy fuck,’ they thought as Clarke slid her lip over the tip and then pulled back. Lexa’s could see the tip soaked. Focused so much on the visual, it took them a second to realize that as the blonde took in the toy once more, she also pushed a single digit into the dripping cunt of her lover against the wall.

“Oh shit,” Lexa lets out still watching the beautiful mouth accept them. ‘I’m going to marry her,’ was the only thought that ran through her head as Clarke added a second finger and continued to lick the shaft of the toy.

 ‘Fuck me,’ and Clarke does even without the instruction.

Pushing in and pulling out at a steady rhythm.  Feeling the subtle change in texture within, Clarke curved her fingers to push against the spot, causing Lexa to shudder and moan loudly.  “Por favor… no pare…”

Clarke had no idea the meaning of the words coming from Lexa, but it didn’t matter. She rose from her kneeling position pushing into Lexa’s lips. Swallowing the words that came out.

“Klarke… por favor…Cogerme…” they said in between labored breathes, as Clarke moved her wrist enough to allow space for her thumb to rub against the pulsing exposed nerve ending.

Using her body as leverage, Clarke thrust again and again into Lexa, pressing her fingers to the smooth area within. Rubbing circles around the clit.

“Mierda!” Lexa exclaimed as their body shook into the wall. Clarke’s fingers held them, as the walls within pulsed in pleasure. Clarke buried her face into Lexa’s neck kissing down to their shoulder, where she sucked lightly leaving her lover a mark of possession.

****

It took only a few moments for Lexa to come down from their high. Meeting eyes with the smiling blonde turned the tables for Lexa. They had even up control at the sight of the blonde’s willingness to accept them, and now it was their turn to regain the control that Clarke so enthusiastically relinquished.

As the blonde moved her drenched fingers to her lips, licking away Lexa’s orgasm. A new blaze lit within Lexa and they pulled the woman in, tasting themself on her lips.  The taste was intoxicating mixed with the heavy scent of blonde, who Lexa found was literally dripping down the interior of her thighs.

Pushing the woman onto the bed, Lexa dropped to their knees and licked Clarke’s inner thighs clean. Enjoying the sweet taste of their lover.

‘Oh my fucking god!’ Clarke thought. ‘Yes. Yes. All the way up.’ She bucked her hips trying to get Lexa’s tongue on her clit, but Lexa just pulled away and up into a standing position.

“Up,” Lexa said pointing to a spot farther up on the bed. When Clarke didn’t move right away, they added, “Now.” The blonde looked at them for a moment, an understanding was reached that Lexa was in control.

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke whispered seductively, moving up to where her head rested on a pillow.

Lexa crawled up between her thighs, running the tip of their cock against the wet folds. As they teased the blonde, they knew there were some things that needed to be said first.

“Clarke?” Lexa said looking at the woman, but she didn’t really answer just grunted slightly, moving to her hips to try and penetrate herself on the top.  Lexa pulled away the appendage, “Clarke.”

“Please, Lexa. I am beggin’ you. Just fuck me,” the words caused Lexa to laugh a little knowing that was all they wanted to do.

“I will but I want to make sure that we are okay,” Lexa whispered sternly.

“We are fan-fucking-tastic. We will be even better when you are filling me with you and fucking my mother fucking brains out,” the blonde swore. Lexa couldn’t believe the effect that Clarke’s vulgarity was having, as a single drip ran down their thigh from their own sex.

“Fuck, Clarke. Just listen to me for a minute,” this caused Clarke to open her eyes and look at Lexa with all of her attention.

“I’m sorry, baby. It’s just…”

Lexa ran her hand over Clarke head, pushing away some curls, “I know. And I will… fuck your mother fucking brains out. But… I want to make sure you’re comfortable. I can be…”

“Commanding?” the blonde supplied with an eye brow raised and a straight lipped smirk.

Lexa laughed appreciating that they were in fact on the same page. “Yes, I can be commanding and I want to be sure that you know you can stop me or slow me down if you need to.”

With soft eyes, Clarke looked at Lexa, “I enjoy your commander style in bed, Lexa. What is it that would make you feel more comfortable?”

“A safe word. Technically two. One for stop. One for slow down,” Lexa said biting their lip.

“Stop: red,” Clarke said. “Slow down: yellow.”

“Seriously, you’re and English teacher and a writer and the best you have are colors,” Lexa responds looking like they may start laughing.

Clarke pushes into Lexa, bringing her lips to the other’s ear. “Green means go.”

Lexa pushes the woman down, the tone of the moment changing as Lexa’s aura becomes heavy with intensity.

Running the tip against Clarke again, the blonde shutters. “When I ask you a question you will call me Commander when you answer. Do you understand?” Lexa practically growls.

“Yes,” Clarke says, testing the waters of how real Lexa will take this role that Clarke absolutely adores. Lexa ceases moving the toy, instantly. Glaring at the blonde, Clarke can see that Lexa is waiting.

‘She is totally training me,’ she thinks. Then, ‘Fuck. I love this.’

“Yes, Commander,” and as the name rolls from her tongue, she feels Lexa move forward;  running the shaft in her folds, but not penetrating yet.

“Clarke have you ever been fucked with a toy like this before?” Lexa asks, and Clarke knows that this is not a test of experience but of obedience.

“No, Commander,” She whispers as a ridge in the shaft runs along her clit sending a wave of pleasure through her.

“Well, this one is special. It vibrates if I choose it to,” Clarke’s eyes widen at the thought and she pushes into Lexa. “Would you like that, Prisa?”

Clarke bit her lip and nodded reaching up to kiss Lexa, but the body above her pulls away. ‘What the fuck.’

“Use your words, Klarke,” and the way Lexa says her name practically changes the meaning.

“Yes, please, yes, Commander,” she is practically begging.

Lexa holds the tip at Clarke’s entrance, “What’s your stop word?”

“Red, Commander,” and Clarke is rewarded with the tip barely pushing in.

‘Oh my god, yes. Yes. Thank. More. We need a word for more.’

“And your word for slow down,” Lexa asked holding still.

“Yellow.” And Lexa pulls the tip out much to Clarke’s dismay. “Yellow, Commander. But please. Commander. Please. I want green.”

Lexa smiles broadly as they gradually push themself into the blonde’s shaved cunt to be rewarded with, “Thank you, Commander. Fucking fuck. Thank you!”

Moving their hips slowly at first, they let Clarke get use to the feel of them inside of her. Then gradually they picked up the pace. Sweat beginning to run along their spine as Clarke dug her nails into Lexa’s skin pulling them closer as she cants her hips in an even rhythm that matches Lexa’s thrusts.

Lexa watches as Clarke’s eyes stare into them; holding contact as they enter her again and again.

Soft moans escape, mixed with praise and Lexa’s chosen name.

Lexa reaches between them and presses the button that causes the toy to vibrate softly, and they watch as Clarke’s eyes roll into the back of her head. She bends her back up, pushing the glorious tits towards Lexa, who can’t help to grasp one in their lips. Sucking on it harshly, knowing that Clarke finds the slight pain thrilling.

“Fuck. Fuck. Commander. Fuck!” the blonde screams.

She can feel the tightness in her belly coil. Tightening. Twisting. ‘I’m going to come.’

Clarke feels it start but stops it. Knowing that she has the power to send Lexa over the edge again, “Commander?... Fuck… May I come for you?” And she watches as Lexa’s face changes from focused intent to bewildered lust.

*****

Lexa’s world is upside down. ‘She is asking me permission. She is fully submitted to me,’ they think.

They too feel their insides coiling as the vibration from the top rubs against their clit every time they push into the blonde. It’s unbelievably amazing.

Lexa grunts, barely able to complete the sentence, “Yes, prisa. Come for me.”

And Clarke releases. She knew that if Lexa had said no there would have been a problem because there was no way to stall it any longer. Her body shook into Lexa, whose thrusts turned softer, the vibration sending Clarke through waves.

Lexa can feel the blonde’s cunt pulsing around the vibrating toy as the nails dig deeper into their shoulder. The pressure of the vibrator on themself and the look of the spent blonde sends Lexa toppling once again into the expansions of the universe, stars flickering around the woman’s head below them.

She whispers, “You are unbelievable, Commander.”

Lexa feels the sensations flood through them again. Pulling out, they replace the vibrating cock with two fingers and slowly work the blonde back up. Moving down her body, they land with their tongue grazing the woman’s clit, alternating between sucking and drawing circles. It took but moments for the woman to fall again. This time, giving Lexa the chance to insert their tongue into the pulsing abyss of the woman as she rode out her second climax.

****

It was several screams of pleasure and Commanders later, that the two found themselves awakening from a deep nap. Clarke was the first awake, running to the bathroom from the pressure in her bladder. Lexa stretched their exhausted muscles, all feeling like jelly from having Clarke missionary style, on her knees, and lastly fucking her into the wall.

When Clarke was done, she returned to the bedroom and pulled on the clothes that Lexa had removed from her body the moments after they had entered the apartment. With Lexa in the bathroom, Clarke had the opportunity to look around the room for the first time.

The first thing she noticed was that every item of furniture in the room was dark with sharp angles and lines. It is nothing like the rustic worn look that encompassed everything within the Griffin house.

Lexa came out from the bathroom and wrapped their arms around the blonde from behind pulling her into them. Whispering into her ear, “So what do we do with the furniture?”

“Is this the type of style you like,” Clarke asked concerned at her OCD tendencies may cause the differing styles to clash and cause her irritation.

“No, I prefer how homey the house is,” Lexa says turning the blue eyes towards them. Waving their hands around, “This is who I was before you. I was cold and sharp. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

Clarke nodded taking in the gentle green eyes. “I love you, Lexa. I love who I am with you.”

“I love you, Clarke,” Lexa says pulling Clarke in and holding her as the woman wrapped her arms around them.

When the embrace completed its course, Clarke looked again into Lexa’s eyes, “Let’s have the family move the furniture back to the house. I have a place for it than may get my mom out of the house.”

Lexa looks at Clarke and then back at the bed. “You want to give your mom the bed I just ravished you on?” they asked with a hint of a smirk fleeting across their face.

Clarke laughed. “Oh, no. The bed is going to Raven. I figure that is just punishment.”

Lexa smiled widely, “Can I tell her what we did on it?”

Clarke pushed at Lexa’s chest playfully. “Then she won’t sleep on it. Which means you won’t have your revenge.”

“Touché, Ms. Griffin,” and the two walked through the rest of the house planning on where to put the minimal things in their new shared home.

Clarke found only one picture in the house of a family of four. A mother in a well fitted dress. A father in a prestigious military uniform. A boy, standing straight in a suit and tie. And a young Lexa with long brown curls, eyes cast down to the ground. The younger person in a knee length a pink dress that Clarke could tell was making the child uncomfortable.

“Is this your family, Lex?” Clarke asked turning to where Lexa was packing up a vast array of daggers and other weaponry.

“Was,” they answered not even bothering to turn to look at the photo.

“Will you tell me about them?” Clarke asked moving closer to Lexa. She could see the discomfort in her partner and she wanted to be there for her.

“Someday. But not today,” Lexa answered. Clarke nodded and chose not to pressure Lexa at this time. She did wonder who these people were though.

‘Where did you come from, Lexi?’

‘Who were you before you met me?’

‘Was there ever another you loved?’

All questions that in time she was sure would be answered. She moved to the kitchen and pulled out drawers and opened cabinets. She found only a sauce pan, a table setting for four. Four glasses and four sets of silverware.

What she didn’t find were pans, or bake ware, or mixing bowls. There were no kitchen utensils.

‘Well no wonder they can burn bacon,’ she thinks and turns to Lexa.

“So what do you want to do with your super impressive eating ware?” she says sarcastically pointing to the bare cabinets.

Lexa smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, um cooking is not my thing.”

Laughing Clarke nodded, “No shit, Sherlock. You almost burned down the fucking house this morning.” Turning back to the cabinets, she pulled out the minimal supplies and placed them in a box. Once the box was filled, Lexa tossed her a black sharpie that she used to write, “Kitchen stuff: Donate.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning 2:
> 
> ONLY READ IN A PRIVATE ENVIRONMENT OR RISK LOSING YOUR MIND FROM SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
> 
> But you need to read this because it does advance the plot.

Lexa left early that morning to take Octavia to school, since both decided to take a sick day so that they could finalize the space for Abby, who would be coming home the next day. Knowing of Clarke’s love of the over-priced Starbucks chai tea lattes, they pulled into a drive-thru to order the overly complicated drink. Clarke told them the first time they heard the string of instructions roll from her tongue that it was actually the easiest drink to make.

“Good morning! What can I get started for you today?” said the overly caffeinated voice from the speaker box. Lexa was not a Starbucks fan, did not frequent Starbucks facilities, so the drive-thru screen that suddenly showed the person’s face taking their order shocked them in an uncomfortable Big Brother sort of way. The raven haired girl, smiled at them as they waited.

“Uh, yeah,” Lexa stammered. They thought the drive through would be less embarrassing ordering Clarke’s drink. Apparently not. They pulled out their phone and looked at the notes app, reading off the instructions, “I need an iced venti, five pump, whole… whole milk, um light ice, chai tea latte.”

The girl in the screen smiled, ”Okay, so that was an iced venti, five pump, whole milk, lite ice chai.” Lexa nodded. “And what can I get for you?”

“Large black coffee,” Lexa says.

“My kind of girl,” the barista said happily, not realizing the irritation she had caused Lexa. There was nothing happy about the situation. Lexa just wanted to get out of this parade of cars. The barista continued speaking, even though Lexa had fazed the girl out, “So, your total will be $7.18 at the window.”

Lexa nodded again, figuring that if they can see the girl, then the girl could see them. The rest of the drive-thru experience was uneventful and they made it home in a few minutes.

The house was empty when they came in through the garage door that led directly into the open living room and kitchen. “Clarke!” they called out, but no one answered.

They moved towards the bedroom they shared with Clarke at the back of the house, but stopped when they heard loud music coming from the back yard.

Lexa had never been in the backyard before. They had been so busy with life and work and sex that they hadn’t really been around the large lot that made up all the property of Clarke’s home. Their home. ‘My home.’

Pushing out the sliding glass door, the big broody chocolate lab pressed her way out the door almost knocking Lexa over in the hurry to get outside. “Autumn! Slow down,” Lexa called after the dog that was running through the yard to the very back wall.

Looking over to the right, Lexa saw a small house that matched the exterior of the larger one. ‘She owns a guest house?’

*****

The speakers scratched a little at the near max volume that Clarke had them at, but she didn’t care. Her property extended a decent distance, and she could listen to Iggy rap about how fancy she is if she wanted to.

She knew that Lexa had left early to take Octavia to school, which was nice because she really enjoyed the time to herself. She had decided yesterday that it was time to clean out her studio with the number of people she was about to have living in the house.  She had pulled in a variety of old moving boxes and was busy packing away canvases and books.

The space was what really caused Clarke to buy the space. It was first an art studio but when she found herself drowning in her own emotions, she started writing to release the pain. Between the two mediums, she had found a strength within herself that fueled her desire to help others. But with Octavia and Finn, the studio became second and had been gathering dust over time.

Clarke bent down and picked up Orion, who was running himself along her legs. “Hey buddy,” she whispered into the cat’s ears. As she scratched his head.

She jumped gripping the cat tighter, when the voice broke through Kasey Musgraves singing “Follow Your Arrow”. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re an artist?” Lexa asked holding out the drink.

“What the fuck, sneaky feet!” Clarke yelled, holding Orion to her chest trying to catch her breath. Looking at her lover, she smiled. “Oh my one true love. I am so glad to see you.”

Lexa smiled as Clarke moved towards them, only to have that smile dropped as Clarke puts the cat down and pulls the drink from their hand. She whispered sweet loving statements to the cup, before she turned back to Lexa. “Oh its good to see you too, Sneaky Feet.”

Lexa glared grabbing the woman and pulling her into them, “Oh you love the drink more than me, huh?”

Clarke looked rather sternly, “Me and my drink have been in a very long relationship and while it has been open, just know that my loyalty lies with it first.” She tongues the straw before taking a long drink.

*****

‘Damn it why is she so cute?’

Lexa watched as Clarke’s tongue circled the top of the straw and they thought of another place they would rather have that tongue. Lexa took hold of the drink and pulled it from the woman’s hands.

“No. No. That’s mine,” she said as she tried to jump to reach it, but Lexa held it just a few inches out of the blonde’s reach.

“I am sorry, but I will not play second fiddle to an over-priced drink. I must dispose of this threat immediately,” Lexa states eyeing the drink with clear challenge in their eyes.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. “But Commander I am yours, that just gives me a little pleasure,” she says with a slightly pout, moving her chin down so she has to look up at Lexa with the huge blue eyes. And Lexa melts.

Lexa pulls Clarke in tighter. “I can take care of the pleasure aspect if that is what you desire,” they say seductively, as they bite down slightly on Clarke’s ear lobe. They felt as the girl melted into them further.

‘Please say yes because damn I want you.’

*****

‘Oh my god. I want my coffee but I want them to take me. But my coffee doesn’t taste good after a long time and Lexa always tastes good always.’

Clarke pulls away just a little to see her lover looking at her with dilated pupils. The wanton in their eyes was unmistakable.

‘Fuck the coffee.’

“Would you please, Commander,” Clarke says overly sweetly and watches as Lexa sets the cup down on the nearby table. Before she can move Lexa grabs her and turns her around. Clarke felt Lexa’s strong hands moved up her back, pulling the tight tank top over her head.

They pull her hands out and guide them to the edge of the heavy desk holding the large iMac. “Keep your hands here unless I move them for you” they whisper into her ear.

‘Fuck me? Do they have the strap again?’

“Commander, are you packing?” Clarke asked not sure how to ask the question but curious.

“Not today, Prisa,” she feels the breathy words just inches from her ear.

Clarke feels as Lexa’s hands pull at the sweat pants at her hips. She couldn’t see the body behind them, and the music faded out most of their movements.

And she was naked. Standing in the completely open windowed room.

‘Hopefully Raven doesn’t come home at this moment,’ Clarke thought realizing that she as on display.

Lexa strummed their fingers softly over the pale flesh of Clarke’s back, sweeping gently down to her ass. They watched as Clarke shivered slightly under the touch, her knees shaking a little. Lexa gradually added more pressure and increased the movements towards Clarke’s sides, hoping the woman was not ticklish.

Before long, the hand extended from the back to her front. Pulling her body into them, kneading  the hip bones. Lastly moving up her body until each hand was slightly twisting and pinching the perked pink nubs.

“Fuck me,” Clarke grunted out as her knees began to give away. Lexa twisted a little harder.

“Fuck me, what?” Lexa hissed into her ear licking at the lope, waiting for the obedient response.

“Fuck me, please?” Clarke said, knowing that she was asking for some form of punishment if Lexa was playing the same game that she was.

The twist was sharper this time, as well as the bite to her shoulder. “Care to try again? But be warned the next time will earn you a slap on that perfect ass of yours.”

Clarke’s knees wobbled again as she contemplated her choices, ‘That may be something I like, but I am not sure I’m ready for that yet. We need to talk about that later. Fine.’

 She felt as Lexa slightly tweaked her nipple again, and placed their other soft palm on her ass check rubbing it into the skin gently, in case they do actually have to follow through with the promise. “Fuck me, please, Commander.”

At the obedient plea, Lexa turned Clarke around and lifted the woman’s ass on to the desk. They kissed the woman’s neck. Sucked on each nipple, adding a few bites in that earned them the desired moans of appreciation.

Kissing down her body, they pushed two fingers into the drenched cunt and thurst viscously, earning more than moans but full screams of pleasure from the lustful blonde above.

Kneeling down, Lexa hovered their lips over Clarke’s clit and just watched the woman as she looked down, eyes begging. They waited for the girl to ask for it. No, they wanted her to beg for it.

“Please, Lexa,” Clarke whispered. Realizing too late her mistake, as Lexa bit her inner thigh just enough to elicit a reaction.

“Commander… Lexa… please lick me,” the woman said with each thrust. But still Lexa’s face did not move, rather they slowed their fingers and continued to look at the blonde.

‘They want me to beg,’ the understanding came.

And Clarke opened her mouth, letting the words flow until Lexa was satisfied. “Please, Commander… Lexi.. I need you… only your tongue can… ease the need in me…. Please…. More…. Please… lick me…”

After the third please, Lexa’s desire was sated and they ran their tongue swiftly between Clark’s folds as they increased their thrust again.

Clarke’s body fell backwards onto her arms and her head was thrown back. Lexa could tell she was getting close. Clarke knew that Lexa needed this control and she relished not having to be in control as she always was. She felt herself getting closer to her edge and knew she needed to ask before she got too close incase Lexa said no.

“I’m so close, Commander,” she grunted out. And to her dismay, Lexa pulled their tongue from her clit. ‘No. No. No!’ she shouted within.

But then Lexa pulled at her. Realizing that at some point Lexa has lost their own clothes.

“Move up,” the instructions came and Clarke did as she was told. As she scooted her ass back on the desk, Lexa descended upon her, positioning themself so the two clits met.

Clarke moaned into Lexa’s lips as they ground into the blonde, edging themself closer. Clarke’s eyes were wide, the black swallowing the blue. She pulled as Lexa’s body, as Lexa used one hand to tug one of Clarke’s nipples again.

The blond pushed her back up into Lexa, a movement that Lexa had come to realize meant Clarke was asking for more. So, Lexa gave her more tugs, as well as bite to her collar bone.

Knowing the edge was coming, Lexa whispered to Clarke, “Are you still there?”

“Fuck me, yes, Commander, I am there. I need you to say yes,” Clarke called out in desperation. Lexa knew that if they said no again, the moment would be ruined and Clarke would be left a coiled mess of frustration.

 “Yes, Prisa. Yes!” Lexa said and went off the ledge with Clarke in their arms. When the stars faded, Lexa enjoyed the pulsing sensation that their clit was met with from the blonde’s spent body below them.

*****

After several minutes of kisses and come down, as well as Clarke getting to inhale her ridiculous drink, Lexa walked around the room stark naked sipping at the black liquid that had cooled significantly in the up.

“Why didn’t you tell me you are an artist?” Lexa asked turning to Clarke.

“Lexi, there are many conversations we have yet to have. I wasn’t keeping it from you. It just hasn’t come up,” Clarke says wrapping her arms around Lexa’s middle as the brunette appraises a charcoal piece drawing of several trees with a crescent moon in the center of a star speckled sky. The shading was amazing and it was clear Clarke had spent much time working on it.

“What were you doing out here?” they asked eyeing the boxes, “You can’t get rid of these, or your supplies.”

“No, I am just putting it away until one of the girls goes off to their adult life or Mom gets back on her feet. I figure this can be like an apartment for her,” Clarke says as she moves to pull her pant back on. “I don’t want Raven to have to share a room with Octavia forever, and I don’t want my mother to hear what we do at night. I think this is a safe distance away.”

Lexa laughed and pulled the woman into them again. Pressing their lips down to Clarke’s neck.

“That may be for the best, but I don’t like you giving up your space,” Lexa says to her with soft eyes. “Can we make room someplace else? At least for the easel?”

Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes appreciatively. “I was hoping I could make room for some of my art supplies at the round table in the bedroom. And I need my computer and desk, so those will probably need to be moved to the living room. After all that is how I bring in the big bucks.”

Lexa pressed their lips to Clarke’s forehead, “Of course they can go in the bedroom. Whatever you want.” And the power dynamic once again shifted to Clarke.

They both moved through the miniature studio-like-house packing up the paintings, drawing and manuscripts. Taking the drawing of the tree that had impressed them in their hands, they turned to Clarke. “Was this done for someone?” they asked.

“No,” she whispered, looking harshly at the painting. “I did that when Octavia first confided in me. I felt so broken. I just wanted to protect her so she could grow in a place and be free and wild if need be.”

Lexa studies the drawing more carefully seeing how the different elements embraced the woman’s emotions at the time. “What are you going to do with it?” they whispered.

“Put it away,” Clarke answered.

“May I take it to work and hang it in my room?” Lexa asked softly not taking their eyes from the painting.

Clarke studied them momentarily making mental notes of the sun reflecting off Lexa’s face and the content gaze from the green eyes. “Of course, you may.”

Lexa carefully placed the piece aside and turned back to the woman. “You are so talented at everything you do. I hope I may compliment you in a way that let’s you sparkle like the star you are, Prisa.”

Clarke embraces her partner, “Lexi, I love you.”

“I love you, Clarke.”

They say that way for several moments, just memorizing the sound of each other’s heartbeat.

Clarke is the first to break the silence, “Baby, were you speaking Spanish yesterday?”

Lexa’s face blushed at the memory of Clarke holding them against the wall. “Si, hablo espanol.”

“Commander, that is so fucking hot!” and that is all it took for round two to begin.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your eyes will not be burned from this.

When Octavia entered the apartment Monday evening, the clean cold nature of everything irked her under the skin. Lexa had begun to grow on her, but this insight into Lexa’s life was eerie and made her feel slightly bad for the way she had treated them in the beginning.

‘They ask you about you. They try to get to know you, but you have not cared at all to know them,” the voice within berated her insolence and disregard.

Lexa took Lincoln and Monroe to the bedroom where the bed had already been broken down earlier that day. “Okay so put the mattress in first, then we will add the boxes on the side to hold it in place,” Lexa instructed to the two in the bedroom. The apartment was a small two bedroom so the voices traveled easily down the tiny hallway to where Octavia stood near the kitchen.

On the counter, Octavia noticed a silver frame placed face down. It was the only item in the house that had not been packed away into a box, but even then there were only about 15 boxes. They only needed the Uhaul for the furniture.

Octavia picked up the photo that Clarke had been holding the day before and took in the child version of Lexa. ‘Even as a child they were sad.’ This hit Octavia in the heart and she looked up to see Lexa standing at the edge of the hallway examining her.

“Is this your family?” she asked holding up the frame.

Lexa nodded, leaning against the hallway entrance.

“Why are you so sad?” the teen probed.

Lexa breathed out and though they were deciding if what they had to say had value, “She made me wear the pink dress.”

Octavia smiled, “When I first moved in with Momma G, she was hell bent on these Christmas card photos. It was important to her that we have our first Christmas moment memorable. Well, she bought us these matching outfits and the night before the photo, I totally cut mine up and altered it. She just smiled as though nothing was wrong.”

She wiped a tear from her eye, as she looked down at the picture. “I don’t even know what my goal was. To hurt her probably that was all I tried to do at first. I needed someone else to feel my pain. But you know what? She still has that fucking picture in her wallet. Our first picture and I fucked it up.”

Still holding the picture, the girl traces the woman’s face. “She probably wanted you to be like her. You have a similar face, you know? Don’t hate her for it. She just didn’t understand you needed to be you.”

*****

Abby had called from the hospital to let her daughter know that she was being released early. Clarke had left the apartment just as they had arrived in the white Prius. Plugging her phone into the AUX input at the first stop light she hit going down Cactus Dr. towards the Loop 101 Freeway.

As the light turned green, Clarke hit the shuffle button. She looked both ways before proceeding into the intersection. The music pumped through the speaker,

_I got the magic in me!_

_Every time I touch that_

_Track it turns into gold._

Clarke held up one hand and moved from left to right in her seat.

“Magic! Magic! Magic! Ohhhhh” she sang at the top of her lungs.

Looking up to the right she saw the motorcycle cop with the gun pointed at her. Taking a glance down at the digital speedometer, the blue lights read 67. She looked up again towards the cop and knew as he put the gun down that she was in trouble. Above his head, hung a sign reading “Speed Limit 40.”

“FUCK!” she said hitting the steering wheel as the bike pulled behind her with the red and blue lights flashing.

Clarke turned on her turning signal and navigated into the nearest business parking lot. Parking the car in the spot, she pulled the AUX cord from the base of the iPhone and dug through the black coach bag for her wallet.

“Fucking magic right; mother fucking song,” she quietly ranted as the large anglo male in the black motor uniform walked cautiously to the vehicle.

He smiled kindly down at her with soft green eyes, “Hello Miss, do you know why I pulled you over today?”

Clarke smiled weakly, “I was driving way too faster, Sir.”

He laughed slightly nodding his head.

*****

Lexa bit their lip. They knew that the teen had a point. But it was sixteen years of being what they were. Knowing that they could be the person their parents wanted.

“I ran away when I was teenager over a ballroom gown,” they say after the other two teens move through the door and down the first flight of stairs. Octavia looked up at them, embracing this knowledge.

“Do you miss them?” Octavia asked?

“I don’t know really. I miss Ryder, my brother. He knew I liked girls and never pushed it. But my mother was just so female,” they say moving over to take the photo from the teen’s hand.

“Would you ever seek them out?” she probed further as Lexa stared at the faded photo.

“I don’t think so,” they whispered setting the phot back on the counter face down. “I ran because they didn’t want me.”

“Things change,” Octavia said placing her hand on Lexa’s bicep. She wanted to hug them but was not sure how to initiate that interaction with them yet.

After a minute, the footsteps thudded up the steps as the other two teens were making it back up stairs. Octavia said quietly, “I would give anything to see my mom again. I love Mom, but I miss my mom.” And the teen walked towards a pile of boxes, lifted two and move out the door.

Lexa picked up the photo again and looked at the smiling woman. ‘Maybe they miss me.’ 

*****

Clarke held out the driver’s license and registration from the window.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” she said with a cracked voice. “I am looking for the insurance card. I had it on my phone but I got a new phone and now I have to search through the pictures.”

He smiled at her warmly, which was surprising since she was clearly breaking the law. He took the registration form and her license. “It’s ok… Miss Griffin. I’m going to run this,” he says holding up her info. “You just keep looking for it. I’ll be right back.”

‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.’

Her hands shook as she tried to type in the info into the Gieco app, but she couldn’t remember the password. Trying again and again, but no password will be accepted.

‘Great a speeding ticket and a fucking no insurance ticket.’

“Damn it,” she said hitting the steering wheel.

He cleared his throat from just behind her peripheral. “Everything okay?” She can see his hand carefully placed over the tazer on his side.

She fought the tears, ‘Don’t be that girl.’

“You need to add no insurance to that. I have insurance I just can’t get into the app. I’m sorry. I am just a mess right now,”

He moves back towards the front of the vehicle and looks down in at her. “I’m sorry I am going to make it worse. It’s not that I want to make it worse though,” he says resting his calloused hand on Clarke’s forearm that was laying on the edge of the window.

Clarke couldn’t deny that the touch made her uncomfortable but she was slightly afraid to pull away at offending the officer.

*****

Lincoln stepped through the door, glancing at the photo in Lexa’s hand. He stopped momentarily to take a closer look, then moved back into the bedroom and brought out the headboard by himself. 

‘That guy is my mom’s colonel. What the hell is his name?’ the burly man-boy asked himself as he moved down the various stairs.

Octavia moved back up the stairs stopping at the second landing when she saw Lincoln making his way down with the headboard. “Babe,” I could have helped you with that,” she said as Lincoln set the head board down on the landing.

“Sure, bae,” he says moving to one end, and letting Octavia take the other side that would not be going down the stairs backwards.  They made it to the Uhaul, resting the head board against the mattress. Looking at his girlfriend bend down to move boxes against the headboard, he was confronted with instant desire.

He had wanted Octavia in that position for a long time, but at the same point he wanted to be more than someone that fucked her. He had seen may of the people she had done things with. He had hit a few people that made even the hint of the comment concerning his girl.

He wanted to wait for her to be ready and thought that left him many a nights left to handle himself. She was worth it. And this image of her ass up in the air would supply him with countless moments of stress relief for later.

“You done staring,” Octavia asked, her face peeking out from beside her knee. She knew what she was doing and she shook her ass just a little.

Lincoln moved forward and pressed his erection into the clothed ass of the teen as he helped her raise up into him so he could whisper in her hair. “May I draw that image later?” he asked quietly to the girl as he ran his fingers gently over the top edge.

Octavia nodded running her hands over his strong forearms. She wanted him there was no denying it. It had been six months. She had felt every inch of his body through his clothes and she was beginning to want to see the underneath.

He turned her around and pulled her into a heated kiss. Picking her up by her ass cheeks and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He pushed her into the wall of the truck, but didn’t move his hands from her ass.

Her tongue explored the inside of his mouth and she felt him pressing at the crotch of her jeans. He pushed in harder feeling himself against her was enough to drive him crazy but he wouldn’t take it farther. He wanted more than the back of dirty truck for the girl of his dreams.

“Is this payback for having sex on your bed yesterday when you weren’t home?” Lexa’s voice echoed from the opening of the truck.

*****

“Are you arresting me?” Clarke asked hesitantly but the bewilderment in her eyes made the officer take a step back and withdraw his hand.

“No, ma’am,” he says holding out a overly large receipt like form. “But I am citing you for speeding.”

“I deserve that, Sir. I apologize I know I was going at and unsafe speed,” she said taking the ticket and looking it over.

“Do you know how fast you were going, Ms. Griffin,” he asked solemly.

“I believe so, Sir,” She said looking for the speed on the ticket. She found it.

‘55? Ummm more like 65.’ She looked up at him questioningly.

“I wrote you a civil violation. You seem like a decent person so I am cutting you a break. Don’t do it again though, please,” he said answering her question. He would have had to arrest her for how fast she was really going.

“Thank you,” she said earnestly. He nodded and turned to leave. But turned back around.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said quietly to her. Clarke looked up into his green eyes and saw his sincerity.

“It’s fine,” she said smiling at him warmly. “I am not uncomfortable now.”

He rubbed his palm on the back of his crew cut hair. “Look, I know who you are,” he began.

“Umm…. What?” she said her jaw popping out and eye brows sinching in the middle.

“You’re Clarke Griffin, the author of The Risen,” he answered. “I am looking forward to your sequel. I just think you are amazing and I never realized how pretty you were until we… and then you didn’t have a ring on. But… I am giving you a ticket and being extremely unprofessional…”

She giggled a little and turned her head forward because she knew that she was blushing. Turning back to someone that was clearly a fan of her work she said, “Thank you, but I am actually involved with someone. They are moving their apartment to my house right now but I have to go pick up my mom from the hospital. I am sorry. You are handsome, and the uniform… well FUCK! But I love my partner very much… so all I can say is that it was nice meeting you.” She held out her hand to him.

He took it, shook but didn’t let go right away.  Just looked into her eyes and she would see he was trying to make a decision about something. “Would it be lame to ask you to sign my book. I have it in my bag because I just finished it the other day.”

Clarke beamed up. This hadn’t happened often so it was exciting.

“Of course, I’ll sign your book!”

*****

Lincoln dropped his grip on her ass when he heard Lexa’s voice. He tried to jump but Octavia’s grip on his waist kept him mostly in place.

“I’m sorry, Trikru,” he stammered. “I just. I wouldn’t…. We haven’t.” He moved his hand in the space between him and the other body.

Lexa’s head tilted and face scrunched in confusion, “You both have never?”

“No,” the boy answered first.

Octavia grabbed hold of Lincoln’s neck and let herself down, “Um… bigger picture! You fucked my mom on my BED!” Her volume was way too loud for the back of the truck let alone the eerily quiet complex.

Lexa just laughed and shook their head, “NO. But I wanted to pay you back for all the time you interrupt me doing dirty things to your mom.” The last comment ended with a satisfied smirk.

“What the fuck, Nontu!” The teen said walking forward looking like she may punch the new parent. “You can’t make me think you are screwing in my bed. Raven already told me you screwed on the couch and the kitchen table. Don’t you people realize I have to live there and I don’t want coochie juice in my cereal!”

She raised her arm to hit Lexa in the shoulder, but Lexa moved abruptly. Grabbing hold of Octavia’s wrist, then shoulder. They twisted the girl’s arm, while hitting her just hard enough to bring her to her knees. And they held the wrist the back of the girl’s head, immobilizing her.

Lincoln’s eyes were huge as he watched his girlfriend get taken down. “Holy shit, Trikru,” he said truly impressed.

They pulled Octavia back and kissed her on the head, “I promise we sanitize all surfaces of juices after we are done.” And they release the teen.

Octavia bounced up rubbing her wrist and looked at Lexa, “Can you teach me that?”

“Of course, kid,” they said proud that they has something to offer in means of knowledge.

Octavia moved forward towards Lexa again and Lexa prepared to defend themselves, but they watched as the teen’s arms opened up. ‘She wants a hug, dumbass,’ the internal voice states.

Lexa reaches out and pulls Octavia into them. The teen looks up at them, “Please don’t have sex on my bed.”

“Ha,” they exhale, “We wouldn’t do that to you.” Octavia hugged them tighter.

*****

The two bodies entangled, made Lincoln’s heart warm. This sort of affection was something that was unheard of in his home. People just don’t touch each other.

‘Trikru. Colonel Trikru.’ Eyes huge, he looked over at Lexa. ‘Holy shit.’

When the three moved back up the stairs, Lincoln struggled with his new found knowledge. Before he could enter the apartment though Lexa stopped him, allowing Octavia to go inside to help Monroe.

“Thank you,” they said to him. He looked back in confusion. “For letting her pick the speed.”

He nodded back. “I want to marry her someday,” he stated solemnly, eyes locked with Lexa’s green. “I will wait until then if that is what she wants.”

Lexa hugged him them. He didn’t expect it, but he returned it. The hug was awkward because both were not naturally huggy people.

They released first but neither moved from the spot because it was clear to Lexa that the boy still had something on his mind. They waited until he spoke.

“That photo is your family, right?” he whispered.

“Yes,” Lexa said, eyes stiffening.

“You know my mom pretty big in the army right?” he asked, and the spark that lights in Lexa’s eyes spread concern across her face. He could tell by their reaction

“Did you know your parents live like three miles away from Momma G’s?” Lexa shook their head, unable to formulate words.

“Do you have any contact?” he asked, realizing that Lexa may not have been the one to choose not to have a relationship.

Lexa finally spoke, “I left in my teens. They weren’t okay with…” and they moved their hands up and down to indicate themself. Lincoln nods in understanding.

“Do you want me to sit on the information that you are here?” he asks knowing that Indra had already made plans to have the Colonel and his wife for dinner. She was hoping to her Lincoln a letter of recommendation for college.

“You will be seeing them soon, won’t you?” she says practically reading his mind.

“Yes, Ma’am,” and then, “I’m sorry.” Lexa nodded in understanding. He was a military brat trying to be respectful. He meant no harm.

Lexa looked at him for some time, then said, “Please don’t tell anyone.” And the way they said anyone, Lincoln knew the ‘anyone’ meant Octavia.

Before Lexa could say anything else, the cellphone buzzing within their pocket broke the moment. Pulling it out, they saw Clarke’s blue eyes looking up seductively on the screen.

“Hello, Clarke,” Lexa said, eyes going wide. Lincoln could here Clarke’s voice screaming through the speaker.   “You did what?!”


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only because so many asked.

“I was driving too fast. Like way too fast, and I got a mother fucking speeding ticket!” she yelled into the phone.

“You did what?!”

“I was singing and dancing. You know… and they stupid magic song was not magic because I got a fucking god damn speeding fucking ticket,” she ranted again.

She was driving with the cruise control set to the speed limit on the freeway that she had gotten to before picking up her phone to call Lexa.

She heard a muffled, “Your mom got a speeding ticket.” Followed by loud laughter from no one other than her daughter.

Clarke’s face flushed and the irritation rose. She barked into the phone, “Why the fuck did you tell her that?”

“I tell the kid the truth, Clarke. Don’t be mad at me that you should be in jail now. We should send the officer a signed copy of the sequel when you are finished with it.”

Looking down at the ticket, she scanned the ticket for the motor cop's name. She found it at the bottom in bold. She stared at it for a moment before looking back at the road.

“Um, Lexa…” she started.

_Crack!_

*****

“AHHHHHHHH!” was all that came through the phone and it scared Lexa to the point that they jumped. The phone flew from their hand and hit the ground. It bounced once.

Lincoln, Octavia, and Lexa all watched unable to move as it hit the edge of the railing of the landing, slid between the bars and fell to the ground three floors below.

Lexa moved to the edge and looked down at the shattered iPhone.

“FUCK!” they cursed loudly.

Octavia looked at them, “What just happened, Nontu?” And the fear radiating from the teen coated the air that surrounded them all.

“I don’t know, O. Baby, get your phone and call her back now,” Lexa said in almost panic.

‘Get it together.’

‘She’s okay.’

‘She has to be okay.’

‘Clarke.’

*****

Abby had been sitting outside the hostipal waiting for Clarke for a while. She was tired of the room and just wanted the fresh air. However, she hadn’t realized that the temperature had began to rise drastically over the past few days and the heat felt as though she was sitting in a hair dryer.

Sweat trickled from the side of her face but she didn’t go back inside. She hated to admit that she missed being at the hospital. She had made it her home for so long. An ambulance pulled in and had rushed into the Emergency Room door. She caught a glimpse of blonde hair and it made her heart pound.

‘Clarke,’ was the first thought. But she brushed it away.

She always imagined it was Clarke but it never was. She knew that, but the fear still clung to her.

Checking her watch again, she looked at the ambulance but there was no one there.

*****

Octavia hit the favorites button and then ‘Mommy Dearest.’

It rang and went to voicemail.

“Its going straight to voicemail,” the girl said frantically.

Lexa’s eyes were huge. “Get the keys,” they whispered. But no one moved. Lincoln held on to Octavia’s arm in case she collapsed.

“It’s okay,” he said uncertainly. “She’s okay.”

Lexa shook their head and moved to the inside of the apartment. They came back quickly with the keys and turned to Lincoln. “Lock the Uhaul up. Stay in the apartment.”

They took the phone from Octavia.

‘What if she’s dead too,’ the teen thought. Tears beginning to flow freely.

‘Everyone I love dies.’

Lexa pulled the teen in, “She’s going to be okay.”

And they turned and ran down the stairs.

‘Not again. Not again.’

She buries her head into Lincoln’s chest and he holds her. It is all he can do.

*****

Lexa drove so fast, they just needed to get to Clarke. They didn’t even notice the speed until the lights behind them were flashing red and blue.

‘Damn it.’

They pulled over to the side of the rode. Tears falling from their face.

‘She’s okay.’

‘What if she isn’t?’

Gripping the steering wheel, their heart beat so ferociously.

‘I don’t have time for this. What if she’s hurt.’

The officer knocked on the tinted window, but Lexa didn’t move to open it.

‘Get it together.’

*****

Abby checked the phone time. ‘Its taking to long.’

She got up and began to pace slightly. She didn't want to call Clarke but she was getting worried. Hitting the speed dial button.

_Ring_

“Hey you got my mail, leave a message.”

Abby hung up.

‘Where are you, Clarke?’ she worried.

She dialed Octavia’s number. She had never called the girl before.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

*****

Clarke pulled off the exit. Tears were streaming down her face. Her phone had died just as the rock had smacked into her windshield.

She could see the hospital just off to the left through the huge crack that was spreading over the driver’s side.

“Fan-fucking-tasitc. First a ticket. Then a rock. And my fucking phone is dead.”

*****

Lexa heard the phone next to them playing a Disney melody. Checking the screen: Scarey Grandmother.

The officer knocked again.

‘I heard you, asshole.’

Lexa hit the button and looked up into the familiar green eyes. They widened.

Lexa took in the officer’s uniform. The dark brown crewed hair. The tanned skin.

‘Fuck.’

“Alexandra?”

*****

Clarke pulled up to see her mother holding the phone.

“Nevermind she’s here,” she heard Abby say as she got out of the car.

“Hey Mom,” Clarke said as she hopped from the driver’s side door. “Sorry I got pulled over and got a fuckign speeding ticket and then a god damn rock smashed my window on the freeway.”

‘You’re safe. You’re alive,’ is all that runs through Abby’s mind. She grabs her daughter and pulls her in for a tight hug.

“They brought in a blonde,” she said into the girl’s hair as relief began to course through her body.

“I thought… I don’t know…” she whispered.

Clarke held her mom.

“I’m okay,” she said reassuringly. “Pissed off. But I’m okay.”

They stayed in the embrace for some time. They both began to sweat under the falling sun but it was okay. Because Clarke was safe.

*****

“It’s Lexa,” they whispered.

“When I ran the plate…” the officer said. “How long have you been here?”

Lexa looked at her brother, who had changed little in the last twelve years. He was taller. Bulkier. But his eyes were still soft. They didn’t know what to say, so they pulled out their driver’s license and handed it to him.

“I’m in a hurry,” they state coldly and look forward.

“Alex… Lexa, please. I haven’t seen you in so long,” he said softly. “I missed you. Mom and Dad miss you.”

They turn back to the man, who sounded so much like a boy with a deep voice now.

“Did you pull over Clarke Griffin?” they ask shakely.

He nods and then realization crosses his face, “She’s… you’re the partner moving in?”

They nod.

“She was on the phone and then she screamed. And now the phone keeps going straight to voicemail.” They don’t know why they tell him this. But they need him to hurry the hell up.

‘She maybe dead and he wants to hug and make up.’

His eyes widen and soften. “There have been no accidents reported. She was going to Thunderbird Banner?”

They nod again.

“Follow me,” he says and moves back to the bike. Turning on the lights, he peals from behind the Audi and they follow.

‘Ryder. Ryder knows I’m here.’

They pass no accidents on the freeway. It takes eleven minutes to get to the hospital and they exhale when they see the white Prius in front and the blonde being held tightly by Abby.

‘She’e alive.’

Lexa hops from the car and races to Clarke just as Abby released her. They grab her head and hold it close looking into her eyes, then her face. Checking her head and her body.

‘Alive and safe.’

Pulling her in, they hold her with a racing heart. “I was so scared,” they whisper.

“I’m okay,” she answers tears falling from her face. “I’m sorry. A rock it the windshield. And then the line dropped. And when I tried to call you back my phone died.”

Lexa pulled the phone from their pocket, “Call, O. She thinks you’re dead. We need to work on the fear in that girl.” But they know they panicked too.

Clarke took the phone and dialed Lincoln’s number recognizing that it was Octavia’s phone. Looking up, she saw the familiar officer.

“Did you get a ticket too?” she asked.

Lexa shook their head. They started to say, “This is…” as Ryder walked over to where they stood.

“Your brother right?” the blonde asked.

Lexa nodded. Clarke turned to him.

“I didn’t know when you stopped me,” she explained.

He nodded, just like his sibling. He laughed a little, “I feel bad for hitting on you, now I know you’re my sister’s girlfriend.”

Lexa glared over at him, but knew he would didn’t get it. “He hit on you?”

Clarke laughed, and then said, “Yeah, but hey at least he has read my book though, Lexi!” She says, but then turns her attention back to the phone.

“Baby, yes. I’m okay. I’m sorry. I got hit by a rock and then my phone died.”

Lexa couldn’t hear what the girl was saying, “They dropped their phone off the ledge?”

Turning back to Lexa. “Seriously!”


	32. Chapter 32

When Clarke hung up with Octavia, the group all stood around in awkward silence for a few moments. Looking over the officer, Clarke could see the resemblance between the two siblings but also of the boy from the photo.

Lexa just looked at Clarke, still memorizing the blonde’s face and body, as though it wasn’t already etched into the very fiber of their being. The idea of losing the woman was too much for them, she was their life. If anything happened to her, they would have nothing. Not even the kid because they had no legal bindings to anyone.

‘I’m going to marry this girl,’ echoed through their head again and they decided that life was too short to wait as they had been doing their entire life.

‘Soon.’

They were so engrossed in the imaginations of the future that Lexa missed the silence being disturbed. They only came to when Ryder handed Clarke a card with his number on it.

“Wednesday, then,” the blonde said smiling at the new extension of family.

‘Wait. No,’ the voice in Lexa screamed but they didn’t say it. This was Clarke’s open door. And at this moment, they hated it.

*****

Clarke turned her attention back to Lexa seeing the clenched jaw, she realized that this may have been overstepping. Lexa didn’t want their family in their life and she had just invited them in.

‘Fuck. Way to go, Griffin.’

Clarke reached over and took Lexa’s hand, “That’s okay right, Lexi?”

Lexa glared at her, but nodded.

‘Damn it. I fucked up.’

Abby held out her hand to Ryder, “I’m Abby, Clarke’s mother.” They shook, the man smiling warm at the mother and then looked over at Clarke and Lexa.

*****

“May I bring my daughter?” Lexa looked at him, eyes widening, as he spoke.

‘He has a family. I have a niece.’ Lexa knew that life went on without them, but they had spent little time trying to imagine Ryder’s life or the lives of their parents.

He nodded, a huge smile brimming his face as though he knew what was going through their head. He pulled the phone from his pocket and clicked the screen, to show a picture of a dirty blonde girl barely over seven, missing her two front teeth.

“Her name is Alexandria, but she goes by Alexi,” he says sheepishly. Lexa looks at the photo and then at him. His face showed that was proud of the girl.

‘Why would he name her after me?’ they struggled with.

Then, ‘Maybe this could work.’

“I don’t use female pronouns,” they say, needed him to understand if he wants to be in their life that he has to accept who they are.

Clarke squeezes their hand warmly to let Lexa know that she has their back. But then Lexa looks to Abby realizing that this was not a conversation that anyone had had with the woman and their eyes went wide. Abby’s face scrunched and head tilted slightly.

*****

‘Well, this is unexpected,’ Abby thought as she analyzed the body before her. She had always considered Lexa extremely feminine. She looked over at Clarke who was gazing up at Lexa in utter adoration and love.

Abby knew that the brother standing next to her meant nothing to Lexa if he refused to acknowledge them for who they were. But as the green eyes stared at her in utter fear, she realized that Lexa was concerned with her approval. The person who had given her a chance was now, silently begging for one as well.

 “Non-binary?” she asked, looking over Lexa.

 “Yes,” Lexa answered, and Abby could see the fear that coated Lexa’s expression still lingered creating an almost suffocating tension.

Abby waved her hand in the air. “You look at me as though anything in Clarke’s life would surprise me at this point. Or that I could love anyone that loves my daughter like you do any less for you not wanting female pronouns,” she says pulling Lexa into a hug.

‘They have had no family for quite some time,’ the realization hits Abby hard and it causes her to hold Lexa tighter. ‘Me too, Lexa. I need those girls too.’

She whispers into their ear, “It will be okay. Give them a chance.”

Then pulls away and holds the larger person’s gaze looking back at her with the green eyes that she knew stole her daughter’s heart. They nod to her and she can tell they are trying to hold back tears. ‘Rejection is all too familiar for this one. For all of us.’

Turning back to her daughter, “Honey, since you decided to reside in the closest literal version of Satan’s hell fire on Earth can we please go back to the house?”

Clarke smiled and opened to passenger’s side to the door.

*****

Before Clarke left, Lexa held her for longer than necessary. They just didn’t want to let the blonde go into the stupid electric death trap. But also, they didn’t want to be left with Ryder alone.

They had never planned on seeing him again. Let alone be reintroduced to the family that they had walked away from so many years ago. But they had to let the woman go. They had to speak with the man, without the woman.

As the Prius drove away, Lexa’s resolve and stoic composure took root again.

“Why did you name her that?” Lexa asked watching the Prius turn out on to the main road.

They heard him breathe in deeply. “I wanted a piece of you and she was the closest thing I had. I adopted her with my ex wife, when we couldn’t have kids.”

They stood in silence for a moment.

“I couldn’t find you. Save you. So I figured I would save the next best thing. A little green eyed girl that needed me,” he said quietly.

They turned to look at the man. “I have been here for a year.”

He nodded. “And… you and Ms. Griffin?”

The mention of the woman couldn’t help but draw a smile from them, “She is the most amazing thing in my life. That and the teen that she has. That and the Raven. I kind of have two daughters I think.” They scoff as the realization that Raven was theirs too.

*****

Lexa stood in the doorway, as Clarke tucked the two females in that night as though they were little girls, each with their head on a pillow in Octavia’s full bed.

Octavia was still shaken up at the idea of Clarke dying and Raven was surprisingly just as tense. When Lexa had returned to the apartment, Lexa found Raven cuddled with Octavia on the floor, even though both had been informed that Clarke was safe. Monroe and Lincoln had finished loading the Uhaul when they knew everyone was safe, leaving the two girls to work out their fears of loss together.  Lincoln had explained to Lexa that when they got the all clear, Octavia had called Raven from his phone and they had spoke in depth about the what ifs concerning their lives. This shook Lexa as well.

‘What if something happened to Clarke?’

 Clarke was the loci of this patchwork family and without her, they all were just strays without a place to call home. This hit Lexa hard as they watched Clarke kiss the teen on the head and push a stray hair from Raven’s face.

“I promise I did not intentionally scare any of you. I am sorry, guys.”

The girls nodded but their eyes were still red from all the tears that were cried that evening. Dinner had been solemn and even the Pixar film Brave couldn’t pull the girls out of their mutual sense of dread.

Lexa left the room and made their way to the master bath; where they ran a hot bath, lighting a few candles. The bath was full when Clarke came into the room. Lexa placed a chaste kiss on the woman’s lips and slowly stripped her of all clothes. Lexa too stripped and climbed in the tub first. Clarke followed positioning herself between Lexa’s legs.

Niether said anything for a while.

Lexa just held the blonde, tracing circles over the pale abdomen, worshiping the woman’s skin. 

Finally, Lexa broke the silence, as they admitted, “Today made me think about a lot of things.”

Clarke nodded slightly, “Share.” She leaned her head back on Lexa’s chest, feeling the warm breath cascade over her hair.

Taking a deep breath, they began to spill the emotions that had torn them apart today.

“I thought I had lost you I know I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions, but you are the greatest thing in my life and I don’t know what I would do without you. I want to marry you, Clarke. This is not me asking because that would be a lame proposal and when I do propose I promise you it will be more than just bending down on one knee with a ring. I want to take your breath away so you have to give me some time for that.”

They only paused to breathe, “I realized how fragile what we have is today though. And seeing the fear course through O. And then seeing Raven crying at the apartment with the girl like they were sisters. I just couldn’t imagine what would happen to any of us if you were gone.”

Clarke turned her body to face Lexa. “I want to marry you as well Lexa, and I can wait until you scheme,” she says softly running her thumb over Lexa’s cheek, were a tear had escaped. “What can I do to help make things feel better. Because I can’t imagine this family without you. I don’t know why you think I am the center of this whole thing. You are just as central as me.”

“No, Clarke,” Lexa says shaking their head. “Without you the state takes Octavia. Who knows where Raven will go or where she has even been, but I think she is a runaway like I was. And Abby, it would break her. You’re it. You bind us.”

Clarke’s own tears fall this time, “What do you want to do, Lexa?”

Lexa breathes deeply again.

‘I hope you can handle what I am about to propose.’

“I want to become a second parent to Octavia, legally. And I want us to talk with Raven about getting adopted as well. She may say no, but I still want to offer. I know she is only like seven years younger, but she is so much like Octavia’s sister. Let them both be Griffins so that they have each other and I have them as well. I know I should be asking for marriage for first, but I kind of feel like we already did that without the rings or ceremony or anything. Its just a piece of paper. But those pieces of paper for those girls is so much more. For O it means she doesn’t have to fear the system. For Raven and I, it's the family that we have been without for so long.”

Lexa stops talking and just gazes at Clarke. Clarke doesn’t say anything just nods her head through the tears that come from her face, then shoots forward sending a splash of water from the tub as she smashed into Lexa’s lips. Breaking the kiss only to say. “Yes, Lexa. I will marry you and we can adopt Raven.”

‘Wait I didn’t propose yet!” the voice says but they know that the basically did.

*****

When they relax again, Clarke looks up at Lexa, “This isn’t just to make sure I don’t make out with Raven again right, Lexa?” and the giggle that boils from the blonde sends a rush of energy into Lexa.

“Ug, don’t remind me!” Lexa says pulling the woman into a tighter embrace. “Don’t make me go all Commander on your ass,” they whisper seductively into the blonde’s ear.

Clarke wiggled in closer, giggling. “But I love it when you commander you ass. Speaking of, which I think I may like the whole spanking thing but we need to talk about it more. I have never been in a relationship quite like this.”

Lexa nodded wishing there was a way to be even closer to Clarke, “I don’t want to hurt you, Clarke.”

Clarke nodded in understanding, “But I kind of like it.” And Lexa could hear the smile in her voice.  “Its not like I am saying I want you to beat me or anything. And if you ever raise your hand to our girls or me, I will slap a restraining order on your ass if I don’t kill you first.  I just enjoy the rough stuff more than I thought I would. And when you threatened to spank me yesterday, I won’t lie I wanted to disobey you just to feel it.”

Lexa moaned slightly in Clarke’s ear, sending a wave of shivers up the blonde’s spine.

‘Fuck me, I love the sound of their moans,’ Clarke thought as she pushed her ass into Lexa harder.

 “I’m glad you didn’t because I feel its important we have this conversation,” Lexa says calmly, as they run a finger over Clarke’s erect nibble, causing it to raise farther and the areole to gather, just begging Lexa to give it a little twist. Which they do, and the woman exhales the air she is hold.

‘Damn it, Lexa, stop teasing me.’

 “Okay, good. So let’s talk about it,” Clarke says breathy, just wanting to have the conversation so she may be able to tempt Lexa into trying that spanking out on her tonight.

Lexa laughed at this and said, “How about we get dried off and in to bed. We can talk there.”

“Is that an order or a request, Commander?” and Lexa couldn’t deny that the wetness between their legs was not only the water but their reaction to the woman putting herself in submission mode. And after the long day of lacking any control at all, Lexa enjoyed the prospects of Clarke giving them full control for the rest of the night.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: discussion of Dom/sub relationship and spanking. Honestly can't skip, story won't make as much sense later on.

Clarke may as well have bolted from the bathroom and into the bed. Lexa swore they saw the blonde take flight onto the bed and could not stifle their laughter as the she made her way to the center sitting cross legged and waited for Lexa to join her.

Unlike Clarke, Lexa took their time drying off. Watching as the woman on the bed stared at them expectantly.

“Don’t move,” they say to the Clarke, whose blue eyes grow stormy. Lexa can tell immediately that Clarke is planning her shenanigans so adds, “And don’t question it. We have to talk about things before you go breaking rules that get you in trouble.”

The blue eyes harden a little more, but she lets out an exasperated, “Hmph.” And crosses her arms over her chest.

Lexa shakes their head as they make their way from the bathroom towards the bed, “I said don’t move.”

“I didn’t, Commander,” she growls back.

Lexa crawls onto the bed towards Clarke like she is prey to be pounced. “No, Prisa. You moved your arms to pout.”

The pouted lip, turns into a slight smirk. “Sorry, Commander Lek-sa,” she whispers, drawling out their name.

Lexa reaches Clarke’s chosen area and sits in front of her. Holding the blue eyes in a deep gaze. Clarke is the first to turn away.

‘Good.’ Lexa smiles as Clarke returns her gaze again.

“So… let’s talk, Commander,” Clarke says smiling back at Lexa, knowing that this may very well still be part of the their thing. Whatever that is.

“We talked about me being commanding. We have outlined safe words. But I feel that we need to understand what each other wants and needs a little more,” Lexa began.

Clarke tilted her head to the side, smile faultering a little, “I have never talked about sex before like this. Doesn’t it kind of kill the mood?”

Lexa shook their head, “No, for the type of play we have been doing and the request you made a few moments before, tells me that we should know what we expect from each other.”

Lexa wondered where the Clarke that was in the bathtub just minutes before had gone. The one that was excited about the possibility of discussing her ass being slapped.

 “Okay, I get it,” Clarke says slightly shy. And Lexa can tell that Clarke is closing up a little, so they reach out and take the blonde’s hand in their own and begin tracing a figure eight over their palm.

Clarke’s eyes roll back a little, her breath getting slightly heavier as Lexa continued, “I am not asking we plan out our time, Clarke. I am asking we discuss boundaries. Desires. I want us to be open with each other so that we can make the most out of what each other wants.”

When Clarke doesn’t speak right away, Lexa continues, “You said you like it when it is a little bit rough. Can you explain what that means to you?” But instead of answering Clarke just blushes at first.

“I want to know how to please you,” Lexa adds.

‘Come on, Clarke. I need your help here.’

Finally Clarke speaks, but when she does it is not what Lexa was expecting to hear.

“I tried to talk with Finn about this and the result ended in him looking at me and saying you want me to put my finger where? Followed by that’s just weird. I enjoy what you do, Commander. Can we just do that and I tell you red and yellow along the way?”

And now the mood change makes sense.  ‘She thinks I’m going to judge her for what she likes,’ they realize.

Lexa reaches out and guides Clarke’s chin until she is looking into their eyes, “Clarke, I’m not him. I will put my finger wherever you want it. It may be on my time line, but I will do it because it makes you feel good,” they whisper softly.

“So we are just setting guidelines?”

Lexa nodded.

“Well, I don’t want huge bruises and no hickeys that I can’t cover with clothing… And I am not sure how I feel about being tied up. I don’t want you to hit me with anything except maybe your palm on my ass. I may be curious about whips that I read about in a book, but I want to research that more first. I like the toys you have used so far, and would like to explore more of them...” she would of kept going but Lexa held a finger to her lips.

“Okay, that list is a lot to process all at once. Can we back track for just a moment?” Clarke nodded and her eyes indicated she was back in the conversation not just siting in the room.

“Where do we start?” she asked. Then added quickly, “Commander?” with a slight lift of an eye brow.

“There. When you call me ‘Commander’ I assume you are asking me to take a dominating role. Is that what you want?” Clarke nodded. “So if you only call me by my name, I am to assume what?”

“Vanilla?” Clarke says and this makes Lexa smile. They can do vanilla, the first night had been vanilla and it was amazing.

Lexa laughed, “Where did you hear that term?”

“I read _Fifty Shades of Grey_ ,” Clarke answers as a flash of red crosses her face.

With a large smile, Lexa motions for Clarke to continue.

“I kind of like name calling, like rough names, not nice names… but only in commander-mode,” she supplies.

“Okay, that is very important information. Can I ask why the names?” Lexa probed.

Clarke thinks for a minute then states, “I kind of like feeling less than the standard that everyone seems to hold me too. I feel like I am always expected to be perfect so the names make me feel okay to be… well… not perfect. I can be kinky and dark and dirty.” The last part added grows a small smirk across her face and Lexa wants to lay her down right there for just being so honest.

“Thank you, it helps me understand when you explain why you want me to do certain things.”

“Why do you want me to call you commander?” Clarke asked.

“Kind of how you want to be brought down some. I want to be brought up. You _are_ perfect to me, and often I feel inadequate. And you have everything under control. I don't feel like I really ever have control so when you give it to me, it means that much more. It's a huge act of trust and I almost thrive in having that trust from you. I know if you didn’t trust me you would not relinquish that to me.”

Clarke nods and begins to reach up to touch Lexa’s face, but when their eyebrows quirk slightly, Clarke puts her hand back on the bed.

Lexa nods in approval this time, “See. You trust me even when I say no.”

Clarke laughs a little, “Can we talk about spanking? And hair pulling. I want that too. Oh and when you suck on my nipples really hard that is like fucking amazing. It just does something to my clit that makes me want to drift into wonderland.”

Lexa laughs this time, “I can definitely pull you hair because that is hot. I have something in mind that would be awesome for that later this evening. As for spanking, do you want that to be a punishment for misbehaving or a mid-sex act, for example if I had you on your knees and was behind you like yesterday?”

“Punishment,” Clarke says quickly, then adds, “I would never agree to spanking our kids for punishment, I mean if we had any, which I hope we do that are young not O and Raven. But I want you to use it as punishment.”

Lexa nods while Clarke’s speaking. Then they promise, “I will never hit our children when we have youngens that are not O and Raven. Though I won’t hit them either.” They both laugh this time.

‘I love you,’ they think. ‘I need to tell her that every day.’

“Do we have to talk about it all tonight?” Clarke asked, and Lexa could tell she was getting restless again. The woman really did not know how to sit still for long periods of time.

“No,” Lexa said. “I just want to make sure that we are keeping this communication open.”

Clarke nodded at Lexa and moved to pull them in for a kiss with a huge smile.

‘Fuck she wants me to spank her tonight.’

They kiss momentarily before, Lexa takes Clarke’s arms and move them back to the bed.

“You broke the command, Prisa,” they say sternly.

Clarke nods exuberantly. “I know I did Lek-sa.”

“What is my name?” the green eyes growing darker. But instead of Clarke acting guilty and correcting her mistake, she chooses to add to the growing number of violations.

Clarke waves her hands in the air.

Lexa lets out a large sigh; Clarke was not taking the concept of punishment seriously and it worried Lexa that they may cross a line that could ruin spanking for both of them.

“I’m going to ask this once more, Clarke. Do you want me to punish you with spanking or do you just want me to spank you to thrill you. Because there is a difference,” Lexa said calmly.

Clarke smiled, “Commander, I said I want it as punishment. I am being bad and I need to be punished.”

“But why are you misbehaving, Prisa?” Lexa said moving from the bed.

“I’m testing my personal limits, Commander,” she answers with blown pupils.

 Lexa moves from the bed. “Punishments are serious, Clarke. It won’t feel nice and you have to work tomorrow. Come here.”

‘She’ll learn.’ Then with a smile to themselves they realize, ‘but she’ll probably like it and do it more.’

Clarke doesn’t move, instead just spreads out her legs and wiggles freely.

This time Lexa growls, “Come here, now.”

And Clarke moves from the bed with a huge smile on her face.

“Face the bed and put your hands on the edge,” Clarke does as she is told very eagerly.

“Spread your legs.” And she does.

Lexa runs their hands over Clarke’s back softly. Then down her back side that is positioned in the air. Lexa really would rather put on the strap and take her this way, but that is not what they discussed. They have to punish Clarke, so they run their hand a little deeper, massaging into the pale ass cheek. Warming but her skin and muscles.

“How many do you deserve?” they ask Clarke.

“I don’t know?” she says.

“You don’t know what?” Lexa says sternly, pulling Clarke’s head up to see her eyes by a strong grip in her hair.

“I don’t know how many I deserve, Commander. I broke five directives, Commander. So maybe one for each?” Clarke answers her eyes shining in pure excitement, only slight glimmers of blue around the deep black lust. Lexa wants to laugh at the eagerness of the blonde, but that would break the whole role play.

Without warning, Lexa lands the first smack on the left butt cheek, before Clarke can think about the number she requested.

“Ow, yes. I like this, Commander,” Clarke huffs out after the initial shock of sting courses through her back side.

The second strike was to the right side, and then another in relatively the same spot. Lexa knew they were not striking their lover with enough force to inflict much more than shock pain. They paused before the last two hits.

“Will you behave, Prisa?” they asked.

“Yes, Commander. I will be a good girl,” she hisses as Lexa strikes her across the ass once more.

Landing the last blow, Clarke remains in the position instructed, until Lexa rubs on her red cheeks with some lotion that was near the bed. There were definite hand print marks, where the blows were placed, but Lexa knew they would fade within the hour and Clarke would not have much trouble sitting the next day.

“You may move now, Prisa, as you wish.”

And Clarke moved directly flush with Lexa’s body and kissed her lover’s neck. “I’m sorry I was naughty, Commander. Does this mean, we don’t get to play tonight?”

Lexa just smiled, wrapping their fingers into the woman’s hair and pulling her in tightly.

“Oh, honey, we are just getting started,” and they picked up the blonde bridal style before placing her on the bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so do you want the following sex scene or should i move on with the plot. No comment, no vote, no complaining later. :)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: DO NOT READ AT WORK!

Clarke looked up at the nearly black eyes above her. Her ass was sore from where Lexa had punished her, and the fall to the bed had not eased the pain, only added to it. Lexa positioned their body over Clarke’s, and the added weight cause Clarke to grimace slightly as the pain radiating from her ass was disturbed once again.

Lexa smiled slight, and whispered, “I warned you that punishments were not to be trifled with, Prisa.” Lexa pulled Clarke’s hands above her head, and held them to the bed. Pushing a majority of their weight into Clarke’s pelvic region. Even though she was in pain, the region between her thighs had only increased in wetness with every slap.

Lexa ran a single digit between the smooth folds and pulled up a slick finger. Clarke watched as Lexa slid the finger between their lips and ran their tongue over it, cleaning away Clarke’s arousal. Clarke watched almost hypnotized by the pink tongue swipe at the slim delicate finger. The irony of how gentile Lexa’s fingers appeared shook Clarke as the focus on her sore rump returned.

“You taste sssweett, Clarke,” Lexa drawled out, and it sent a shiver down her spine as she bucked her hips into Lexa gently, too afraid to slam her own weight back down on the bed. But Lexa just shook their head. “Not yet, Prisa.”

Again, Lexa slipped the finger into Clarke’s folds but this time ran it down her clit, past her entrance and to the puckered rose bud. Clarke’s eyes grew wide and a quiet moan escaped her lips. “You never told me where it was you were hoping to get fingered,” they state smoothly. They wiggle the wet finger at the entrance. “Was it here?” they probe with words first, seeking permission without giving up control.

Clarke nodded her head with her eyes closed.

“Open your eyes, Clarke,” Lexa says placing gentile kisses across her left breast until they get to the areole where they run their pink tongue around the erect nipple. When their green eyes see the blacked orbs of the blonde, Lexa bit into the milky flesh and watched as Clarke tried to stay focused. When she looks like she may roll her eyes back again, Lexa releases and sooths the area with their tongue.

“No Clarke, you must use your words. I will ask you once more, and if you cannot use your words, then we will go back to the side of the bed and start all over again. Release only happens when you are a good girl.” Clarke continues to stare into Lexa but her eyes are warm and lusty. Lexa knows that while Clarke is sore, she is also heavily aroused. “Was this where you wanted my finger?” And once again, Lexa flutters the perked hole with the finger tip.

‘Please just put it in already. I just want to feel you,’ but she doesn’t say these things. Clarke understands that Lexa wants her to build up to begging. And she will. She will start with a formal request.

Clarke opened her mouth and with a smile, whispered, “Yes, Commander Lek-sa. I would like you to finger my ass when you feel the time is to your pleasing.”

*****

The way Clarke extended the syllables of their name, caused Lexa’s wetness to dramatically increase and a single bead of arousal ran down the shaved labia to Clark’s thigh. They watched as the eyes grew bigger. They could fuck her right now, and it is doubtful it would take them long to break in the woman’s ass like she wanted, but they wanted more from tonight.

Today had scared the shit out of Lexa and tonight they just wanted to make as many memories as possible. Who cares that they had to return to work tomorrow?

Looking down at the woman, they said, “I am going to fuck this tonight. And you will thank me when I’m done. But first I need you to provide me some much needed release. And I will _let_ you decide on how you would like to cause this release.” Lexa removed their grip from Clarke’s wrists but took note that the woman did not move her hands from the position over her head.

“Good, Clarke,” they whisper and flutter their finger once more against the hole that Clarke wanted entered. “I would like you to satisfy me using your tongue. You may do this on your back or me on mine. You may choose.”

Clarke considered her options. Lexa was giving her the chance to get off the tender flesh of her ass or revel in the pain more. “Commander, if it would please you, I would love for you to use my face as your throne.” And another drip fell. “May I move my hands, Commander?” and Lexa nodded and shifted their weight in preparation to move up and straddle Clarke’s face. They watched as Clarke’s hand reached the spots of wetness that Lexa had left on Clarke’s thigh. In a swift motion, she transfers the liquid to her finger and brings it to her lips. Spreading it on like lip gloss, Lexa watches as Clarke then licks her lips clean.

“Fuck, Prisa,” and Clarke was thrilled to have gotten such a reaction from them.

“Please, may I fuck you now, Commander?” she asked sweetly.

‘Please now,’ the voice inside Lexa practically screamed.

*****

And she watched as Lexa moved faster that they had all night atop her face. Once Lexa was settled with their ass planted on Clarke’s chest, did she attempt at the first graze with her tongue. Sliding it initially just on the outside of the lips, until she met the tip of the crevice. Only here did she probed slightly.

The intrusion was met with the canting of grateful hips that thrust into her face. Clarke swished few circles about the already swollen nub. Then Clarke pushed Lexa’s hips forward, diving her tongue into Lexa’s entrance. Licking at her lover’s walls, while her nose rubbed the sensitive clit.

Lexa was moaning out incomprehensible Spanish terms that just caused Clarke to pull her tongue out and dive it back in.

The first semi-coherent word was, “Cógeme.” And is followed by "Más, por favor."

‘Mas means more, right?’ Clarke questioned the six years she pretended to take Spanish in college, but really just paid her roommate to do it for her.

 Lexa began canting their hips in rhythm with Clarke’s tongue, to which Clarke finds amusing. She reaches up to run her nails down Lexa’s back, but realizes that while Lexa had made it a point it learn her limits, she knew nothing about Lexa’s. Choosing not the cross any lines, she moves her hand to the front and gently runs her finger in circles around the perked nipple.

Lexa ground into Clarke’s face, getting clit stimulation from the tip of Clarke’s nose. The nub swelled and Clarke could feel her tongue able to enter easier, signaling that Lexa was indeed closing their release. Clarke pushed in deep and stroked her tongue upward caressing the top wall of Lexa’s pussy.

Lexa gripped the wooden head board with one hand, and the roots of Clarke’s blonde mien with the other. As the walls tightened around Clarke’s tongue, Lexa called out, “Cógeme, puta.”

‘I think they just called me bitch,’ but Clarke wasn’t sure what it was that came from Lexa’s mouth. So she focused her attention on the softened rocking motion of Lexa’s taught body on her face.

*****

When the stimulation became too strong, Lexa sat back on their heels and Clarke’s chest. Their legs were shaking still. They looked down to see Clarke’s tongue licking all around her mouth trying to get the remaining of Lexa’s orgasm from her face. Lexa moved from the woman’s chest and crashed their lips into her. Tasting themselves on the woman’s lips.

“Mierda, Clarke. Tu legnua es el parasio en mi coño." they say as they slide their tongue into Clarke’s mouth and run the tip across the top of her mouth, eliciting a soft moan from the woman.

“Lexa, I have no idea what you are saying, but it is so sexy baby,” she says. Lexa reaches under Clarke quickly and pinches the tender skin on her ass.

Clarke yelped, wide eyed at Lexa, “My name is Commander to you.” And Clarke nodded, understanding.

‘Did I hurt her?’ Lexa moved their hand up to Clarke’s cheek, searching her eyes for a signal. Clarke nods to Lexa and Lexa knows that she is saying she is okay. Lexa kisses her gently this time.

“I love you, Prisa,” they whisper into the kiss.

“I love you, Commander Lek-sa,” she says back.

After several moments of kisses, Lexa pulls away and moves from the bed to the drawer where they kept their stock of toys.

This time they selected a double-sided dildo that didn’t require the irritating nylon straps. ‘We need to go to the toy store,’ they made a mental note.

“Turn over, Clarke. I want you on your hands and knees.” They didn’t turn to see if she was following instructions, instead they busied their attention to inserting the larger end into side of their cunt.

Once in place they turned back to the bed, to see Clarke in the exact position that had been requested. The blue eyes were watching them with a wide smile across her beautiful face. Lexa climbed back onto the bed behind Clarke and ran finger tips gently over the woman’s back. She arched her back, pushing her ass further in the air. Lexa could see the clean shaved pink asshole.

Unable to resist temptation, she leaned down and licked the entrance that was covered in Clarke’s arousal.

‘Fuck she tastes so good.’ Clarke moaned, arching her back more, begging for more so Lexa gave her another swipe with their tongue. Then sat back up on their knees.

“Are you still interested in my finger in your ass, Prisa?” Lexa asked, rubbing their thumb on the perked rose bud.

“Yes, please, Commander,” And Lexa smiled.

“Okay, baby, I am going to take it slow at first. You tell me when you want more,” they adjusted their hand to allow their index finger entrance and with the other hand they ran their hand gently on her ass cheeks.

Clarke moan as Lexa inserted their finger to their first knuckle holding still for a moment, while Clarke’s virgin ass adjusted to the situation. When she pushed back on the hand, Lexa knew she was signaling for more, so they entered the rest of the way. Clarke’s legs shook as they pulled out a little and thirsted back in.

‘Oh my god, I am going to cum again just watching her,’ Lexa thought.

And it only grew more intense when they heard the whispered cry, “Harder please, Commander.”

Lexa picked up the pace, only to have Clarke beg for more again.

They added a second finger and thrust in, eliciting wicked moans for the blonde. They felt her ass begin to spasm around their fingers and knew that their lover was getting closer.

“May I… Commander… Please, I don’t think… I can…” she moaned.

Lexa’s breath growing ragged, their heart pounding, they hadn’t expected it to happen this quickly, “Yes, Prisa. Come for me.”

And she came apart, ass cheeks clenching down on Lexa’s fingers. Lexa seized the opportunity to pull their hand from her ass and push the tip of the dildo into Clarke’s cunt.

Thrusting inward, they rode her into her orgasm pulling her hips back into them. Clarke’s pale skin flushing pink and goose pimples rising everywhere, Lexa was almost at their second peak, but the held on. Thrusting again and again.

Clarke’s legs ceased shaking, and Lexa knew it was time to add a little more stimulation. They slowed only momentarily to hit the button on the base of the silicone cock.

*****

The vibration sent Clarke almost tumbling forward, but she rocked back. Matching Lexa’s thrusts.

‘Fuck. Fuck. Commander,’ she couldn’t get the words out. They just bounced through her mind that was almost floating.

Lexa’s thrusts were running deeper into her core, and she felt as Lexa pushed in her thumb to the worked asshole. Sending her tumbling into a second orgasm before she could ask for permission. But Lexa didn’t stop her, just reached with the other hand and pulled her by the hair back up deeper on to the silicone dildo and fucked her deeper.

Lexa was speaking Spanish again, but Clarke couldn’t make heads or tails of the words coming out. Just screamed out, “Fuck me, Commander. Fuck. Harder.”

The pulling on her hair sending her into further ecstasy.

*****

They felt Clarke fall apart again, and they wished she would have asked, but knew they were passed her ability to communicate. And that was okay.

They pulled her back into them because they were not finished yet. And she yelled out for more and harder.

Lexa slapped against the red ass cheeks and they could see their handprints on the pale flesh. ‘Shit, she is fucking beautiful.’

_Thrust!_

They were getting closer.

_Thrust!_

“Así, bebe. Toma mi verga. Joder,” Lexa called out to her.

Two more thrusts and Clarke fell again, this time unable to hold the top half of herself up anymore, Lexa released her hair and pulled her hips back into them, slapping themselves into the tender cheeks.

And they too fell apart atop the blonde. Losing their own ability to hold themselves up, They pull the vibrating dildo from the blonde and then from themself. Once the cock was out of the way, Lexa moved Clarke and themself into a spooning position. Clarke blissed out is incommunicable, so Lexa just rubs the woman’s abdomen in gentle circles whispering to her.

“You are so beautiful, Clarke. Thank you.”

They can tell that Clarke is falling into a deep sleep of exhaustion so they pulled her in tighter.

“I love you, Clarke. You are so wonderful and perfect.”

They heard the blonde mumble, “Thanks yous, Lek-sa.” And she is asleep.

Lexa holds her until the blonde begins to snore. Once she is for sure asleep, Lexa gets up from the bed and takes the toy  to the bathroom. They wash their hands and the toy, before using the restroom. They are in mid piss when Orion made his appearance. The yellow eyes looked at them.

“Don’t you start screaming and wake her,” Lexa says pointing at the cat. As though he understood, he laid on the floor at their feet and playfully bit Lexa’s toe. “None of that either.”


	35. Chapter 35

Wednesday came quickly, along with a visit from the monthly fairy that graced the both Griffins. Walking into any room was like walking into a minefield of hormones.

Raven found that each of the women had own particular irritation. Clarke’s was avoidance. If one was to avoid her, her face would flush and she would become immediately accusatory that something must be wrong. And that was where Raven found herself on Wednesday when she came home. Clarke was quietly bitchy about how Lexa had been avoiding her all day, when she was just trying to give them the opportunity to reunite with their long lost brother.

“I mean if I had a brother and a niece, I would want to get to know them. Right?” she looked to the Raven for conformation as she came in the front door in her baggy work jumper, covered in grease.

“Um… I don’t know. I don’t want to see my mother ever again. And if she has other kids. I don’t think I really care,” she answered honestly.

But knew, as the blue eyes glared back at her, ‘Fuck. Wrong answer.’

“Sit,” She said point the sauce covered wooden spoon to the table.

Raven looked at their hands and then at Clarke and sat.

“Where do you come from?” she asked.

‘Really now. When you are full PMS mood swings. You want to have this conversation now?’

“Here. Born and raised,” Raven answered afraid to shrug.

“Who’s your mother?” Clarke probed further, with no niceties.

“Drug addict.”

“Why didn’t you have anyplace to go?”

“Little money. And you were sweet. Didn’t try hard to find a place.”

“Is that why you cuddled with me?”

‘Wow. She’s not messing around.’

Raven looked at Clarke, debating to tell her everything. The lucky part was, that Octavia stormed in and Clarke’s question was left unanswered momentarily.

“Where the fuck is Lincoln?” she yelled as she made her way into the room.

Octavia’s was just down right angry, anything Raven said that morning got the nearest projectile launched at her until she left the room.

“Not here,” Raven supplied, earning a death glare from the teen.

“You left grease all over the tub. I cleaned it. But next time clean it up yourself,” she growled at the pseudo-big sister.

“Because you are oh so clean yourself,” Raven say rolling her eyes.

“Would you two stop bickering?” Clarke said still eyeing Raven. “And we’re not done here.”

Raven held up her hands in frustration. “What do you want, Momma G?” She was losing her cool quickly. Octavia left the room when she heard the anger in Raven’s voice.

“I want the truth, Raven,” Clarke said sternly. And Raven didn’t know why but she was going to tell her the truth. All of it. Right now.

 “I don’t have anyone. I use sex to hold on to people, because it works. Is that what you want to hear?” she fired at the blonde, whose eyes softened slightly. “I held you. I let you try to have your way. It’s what I know. But I knew you didn’t want it. You would regret it and push me out so I backed off. I don’t have any place else. I needed you to feel safe with me. But you wanted Lexa. So I took the next role I knew you wouldn’t kick away. I became your new O. You got to save me. And I need to be saved. Okay? I can leave, but I will be going back to the street.”

No tears came. Raven didn’t cry. ‘Never.’ Not when she found out about Finn. Not when Finn threatened to leave her for Clarke. She found Clarke first, sought her out. She had been lucky that Clarke needed someone then.

“I played my cards right, and you let me stay. Look, I can be your kid. I could have been your lover, if that’s what you had asked for. I can be whatever you need to keep this roof over my head.”

Clarke looked at the girl. Then shook her head and closed her eyes. When she spoke, the tears flowed, “I took advantage of you.”

Raven pushed up from the table. And moved to the counter, “You only took what I gave you. I’m a survivor. I met him and I thought he loved me. I thought I wouldn’t have to just survive with him. He told me there was more to life. I fell for it. But now I see there is. There is family. There is this family. And I want to be apart of it. However, you and Lexa want me in it.”

“Do you want to be my kid?” Clarke asked looking back at the woman that was only nine years her junior.

“I am your kid, Princess. The question is if you want to be my mom. If Lexa wants to be my Nontu. If Octavia wants to be my sister.” Raven stated. Then added, “You guys had the family talk in Flagstaff. O text me about it afterwards. But that was you creating your family with the three of you. I have been a glorified houseguest.”

*****

Lexa had been standing in the master bedroom doorway. They had heard Raven and Clarke start to get into it, and Octavia’s outburst. They didn’t want to interrupt the conversation. They wanted to hear what Raven had to say.

Because until now, Raven hadn’t said much of anything at all.

Lexa moved to the room, when Raven had asked how she played into the family.

‘Funny how things work themselves out,’ they thought.

“You’re not a glorified houseguest, Raven,” they said. This drew the attention of both women.

Lexa could see the emotion rolling through the ocean eyes of their lover and questions in the chocolate brown of the other.

“Get the stormy teen, please,” they say. But no one moves.

‘Why can’t they just follow instructions?’

When still Raven just stares at them, they yell, “O, come here please!”

*****

She hears Lexa call, but she doesn’t want to go. Raven was pissed. Clarke was pissed. Lexa sounds pissed.

‘What if they both just leave?’

“Octavia, now!” she hears again. She doesn’t know how long she can push Lexa off. Clarke, she could ignore for days and the woman would actually leave her alone. But she didn’t think that Lexa would tolerate her shit that much. Clarke was always a cross between sister and parent. Lexa, though. Lexa was a parent. They talked like a parent. Acted like a parent. And she did not want to see Lexa as an angry parent.

So she exited the room and stood in the hall entrance to the living/dining room area. Lexa had Raven and Clarke at the table. They were holding out a chair for her, waiting expectantly.

“Join use, please,” Lexa said calmly, indicating the chair that she was to sit in.

“Look I don’t want to be part of this fight. I’m bleeding and I’m in a pissy mood. Can I just stay in my room until I have to put on my happy face for company?” she asked.

But Lexa shook their head and pointed to the chair.

‘Damn it,’ she thought as she moved the selected seat. Lexa took the seat next to Clarke.

*****

‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,’ just echoed through Raven’s head. ‘This is it. The moment of truth.’

“Clarke, I know you have some things to say but before I hand this to you I have a few things to start with,” Lexa began. Clarke nodded in consent and Raven was shocked that Clarke was actually giving Lexa control over the room.

Lexa was like the shadow figure, and only controlled a conversation covertly, and only when Clarke was not home.

“Thank you,” they said. Then turned their attention to the Octavia and her. “I spoke with your mother about this the other day after we all had quite a scared.”

‘Your mother. That's a good sign.’

“Raven, I am as terrified as you are of losing this family. I, like you, have been on my own since I was too young,” they said looking her in the eyes. “And O, I don’t ever want to think that without Clarke you lose me too. So I asked on Monday, if your mother would constent to me becoming a second parent on your legal paperwork.”

Raven watched as Octavia’s eyes grew and became slightly glassy.

“That is only if it is something you would approve of,” they add hesitantly. Raven realized that Lexa was afraid of Octavia’s rejection.

‘We’re all scared, Nontu.’

*****

‘Lexa wants to adopt me?’

‘They want to be my parent too?’

‘Did they get married and not tell us?’

*****

Lexa waited and hoped. ‘What if says no?’

The fear rushed through Lexa’s body and the realization of what could happen if the teen says no to their proposal.

‘Will Clarke rethink wanting to be with me?’

But then Octavia nods. Then the teen cries, but keeps nodding.

‘Yes.’ They want to do a happy dance Clarke Griffin style, but there is still another girl at the table. So they don’t.

“Thank you, Octavia. This means a lot to me,” they say.

Turning to the Raven, they see the hesitancy in her eyes.

‘I’m afraid too, kid,’ they think.

*****

‘My turn,’ Raven thinks.

‘They are going to either say stay or leave. ‘

Raven begins to quickly catalogue the various items they have brought to the house. ‘Shoes are on the floor of O’s room. Pink shirt is in the dryer.’

Clarke reaches over and takes her hand when Lexa began to speak again.

“We would like to know if you would like to go through an adult adoption. This means that you would become a Griffin,” they say.

‘Stay. That means stay.’

Then, ‘But I don’t have papers.’

Raven wanted to say yes. But this couldn’t happen. So instead they got up from the table and walked out the front door.

*****

Lexa saw it coming. They had been there. They had been given a chance to stay. And they left. No one had come after them.

So they did it different. They pushed away from the table and ran from the house after the tanned brunette.

“Why are you running away?” they called as they saw the girl getting ready to get into the truck.

She stopped and looked at them. Tears were on the girl’s face and Lexa ran to her. This was their chance to hold her and tell her to stay. This may be only chance they get. So they went.

*****

“Why did she leave, Mom?” Octavia asked as the tears broke free.

Clarke just shook her head, “I don’t know, baby.”

“Does she not love us?” She wanted to understand but this was a chance to be a family. And Raven had said she had wanted that. 'Why did she run?'

Clarke shook her head. “I don’t think that's it, O. I think she doesn’t know what love is and it scares her. Remember when I loved you and you rejected it for so long?” 

Octavia thought about her first months with Clarke. How she would throw a tantrum just to hurt Clarke. She remembered taking down the family photo and hiding it. She remembered refusing to eat dinner at the table with her. Hiding in her room, pulling out the photo of the two of them from under her bed and wondering what ti would take to push Clarke away. Calculating all of the reasons that Clarke shouldn't love her. 

The teen nodded. She pushed from the table and ran out of the door after the other two, and Clarke followed her.

*****

Raven fell into Lexa’s chest. “I don’t know how to do this,” she cried out. “I don’t have papers. I can’t be adopted. I can’t even get an apartment,” she continued in broken sobs.

Lexa held her head into them, and Raven knew that Lexa wasn’t going to let go.

“I know, Raven. It’s hard to think someone will love you. But we do. We’ll figure the rest out.”

Then she heard Octavia, “I want you to be my sister, stupid." Then, "We can share the bathroom cleaning. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Turning just enough to see the teen, Raven watched as the Griffins stood close by but waited for her to signal that she accepted them.

Looking up at Lexa, she asked, “What if I want to be a Trikru-Griffin?”

Clarke came and wrapped their arms around the two of them pulling Octavia in between the parental sandwich, she answered, “I would like to be a Trikru-Griffin as well.”

And Octavia nodded as well. Then looked up at her mom, “I get to be Maid of Honor though. I call it now!”

This brought the four to laugher.

Lexa said exasperated, “I haven’t proposed yet!”

But Clarke just winked at them, “Get on it, Commander!”

 Raven's eyes went wild as she pushed out of the hug, “Oh my god! No! You screamed that way too much last night! Never in the presence of the children.” 

“Yeah, you guys have weird sex talk,” Octavia added as they pulled out the hug. “If you guys are going to like beat each other and play weird sex role plays have some consideration for the others in the house and keep the screaming to a minimum!”

“Yeah, and I totally speak Spanish, Nontu. Conegme, Puta? Really?” Raven said to Lexa, eyebrows raised. 

Lexa turned a violent shade of red, they couldn’t speak just looked at the girls with wild green eyes and then to Clarke who was equally scarlet and refusing to make eye contact.


	36. Chapter 36

Clarke sees Lexa in bedroom through the mirror. They are pacing back and forth, because Ryder should be here anytime now. When Lexa notices that Clarke is watching, they enter the bathroom to see the blonde pressed against the counter applying the black eye liner. Her tight jeans cup her ass perfectly and the tight tank left nothing to the imagination.

Lexa entered the bathroom and pressed into the back of Clarke.

She could feel the cock in her lover’s jeans and she wished that today hadn’t been the day for her to start.

Lexa runs kisses down her jaw, holding her hands to the counter.

“Commander?” she whispers.

“Can you be quiet, Prisa?”

Clarke moans as Lexa’s hands find their way up her shirt and under her bra. They pluck at her nipples and twist sharply, pressing into her still tender ass hard. Clarke’s back arches.

“Commander, I… started today,” and Lexa bit her shoulder slightly but not hard enough to leave a mark.

“Fuck,” they said and pulled back some.

Clarke looked at them in the mirror. Lexa’s eyes were wild with lust, but their body was tense, and she knew they were seeking a way to claim something. And she wanted to be that for them. “May I move, Commander?”

Lexa nodded and Clarke switched positions, backing Lexa into the counter. She unzipped their pants and pulled out the flesh-like dildo. “I want this, but I can’t have it,” she said, running her hand over the smooth dick, “but I can do as you please.”

Lexa nods, and Clarke pushes her hand into Lexa’s pants.

Grabbing hold of her hair, Lexa locks their gazes, “One finger and tell me how you want me to fuck you.”

Clarke nods and slides a single digit into Lexa’s cunt, under the strap. “I want you to take me from behind.” And she strokes the inside of Lexa bringing them to shake slightly. Taking advantage of the situation, she slides in a second finger.

One hand goes to Clarke’s wrist, and the other pulls harshly on her hair.

"Did I give you permission for that?"

The blue eyes widen and with a slight smile Clarke says, "No, Commander,” but she doesn’t apologize. She’s pushing Lexa’s buttons intentionally.

Lexa’s eyes narrow, knowing what she's doing. "Are you looking to be punished?" the grip on her wrist tightening slightly.

Lowering her chin, she looks up at Lexa with big blue eyes.

“I'm sorry, Commander.”

Lexa can feel the trembles course through them and their hips rock forward, rolling into the touch with precise movements. But, then they stop. They want Clarke to fuck them, not to fuck themself on your finger. "Keep talking, Prisa. You wanted me to bury myself inside you. Press your face down into the mattress and just take you?"

She thrusts in swiftly with a steady motion.

“Yes, buried within me, Commander. You slapping against my sore cheeks. I enjoy the pain, Commander. I would hope you would rub my ass as you pushed fully into me.”

Lexa struggles to keep their eyes open at first, adjusting to the sensations, but they want to keep their eyes locked on Clarke’s, seeing what the thought of them fucking her like that does to her.

“I want to feel you pound me, Commander, because without you in me I'm nothing. I'm nothing without you, Lex-sa.”

Lexa is slightly surprised by that confession, but they won't let it show on their face. "I make you whole, Prisa?"

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke says earnestly, her eyes soft.

Lexa pulled Clarke in and pressed their lips together. Clarke pumped into them, rubbing their clit with her thumb. Lexa moaned into the kiss.

Lexa began to come apart, when the doorbell rang. Pulling Clarke in for a deeper kiss, Lexa came down from their high. “Thank you, Prisa.”

Clarke kissed their lips gently. Resting her forehead against Lexa’s, she whispered, “I love you, Lexi.”

Clarke pulled her hand from Lexa’s pants and licked away their orgasm. “You taste so amazing. Can I taste you later, Commander?” And Lexa nodded, pulling Clarke in for a tight hug.

“I’m here, Lexa,” She whispered rubbing her dry hand in circles over Lexa’s back. “It’s going to be okay.”

They broke apart as Octavia screamed, “Mom! Someone rang the fucking door!”

*****

Octavia waited at the hall, until the door rang the second time. The parental units were still in the bedroom.

‘Are they seriously fucking now? Gross!’

She took the eight steps to the door and threw it open with a enough force that it hit the wall and bounced back painfully into her side. Trying to play it off that she had not just impaled herself with the door nob, she set her angry PMS gaze to the man in the entryway that obviously was a stranger because he rang the bell.

The man stood overly stiff, just like Lexa, and he was holding a large salad.

“You must be the brother,” she stated matter-of-factly. Wrinkling her nose, she moved to give him access to the house, only when he started to move into room did Octavia notice the small green-eyed child next to him. She had the change the words falling out of her mouth mid-sentence, “What’s with Trikrus and green sh… stuff?”

The man looked her over and smiled. “I am the brother, and this is the niece, Alexi.”

Clarke came from the bedroom then. “Vegetables will not kill you, O,”sShe says smiling. Her face was flushed as though she had been exercising and Octavia wanted to gag.

‘Do they ever take a break?’ she wondered. And then, ‘I wonder if Lincoln and I will be as happy as they are when we start having sex.’

Octavia takes the bowl and sets it on the table, “Thanks, uhh… do you have a name?”

Laugher interrupted their conversation as Raven and Abby made their way in from the back yard. With the increase in temperrature, Clarke had the girls set up the backyard, for people to gather at the pool. She had also prepped the pizzas earlier in the afternoon before her confrontation with Raven and escapades with Lexa.

Abby saw the familiar face and approached him hand extended, “Officer Ryder it is so great to see you tonight.”

“It’s great to see you again to, Mrs. Griffin.” Turning to Clarke, “Thanks for having us tonight.” He glanced around the house and towards the room the Clarke had come from. “Is she going to join us? I have someone very excited to meet her,” he added warmly.

Clarke’s smile fell some, and she prepared to speak but Octavia stood up first. “It’s they or them. If you want to be here, you got to get that correct. She and her hurts. It's a denial of who they are. Get it?”

Ryder appraised the girl, and nodded trying to understand, but just not fully getting it really, “Okay, I can handle that. And you are?”

“Octavia Blake Griffin. They are going to make me bank soon though and give me three last names right, Mom?” she said to the blonde that was smiling so damn proudly at the girl.

“Yeah, baby, if that's what you want,” she said.

And Raven stepped up and extended her hand to Ryder, “I’m Raven. I’m not going to be a bank but I guess once we figure everything out I will be your niece as well.“

Ryder looked at the two young women in front of him and the sudden wave of emotion flooded him. Lexa had a family and if he could figure out ‘they’ and ‘them’, he could be part of it to. Wrapping his arms around the girls, he hugged them as though they were his daughters.

“Whoa, buddy,” Octavia said. “You can’t be related to Nontu. They don't get all touchy feely unless you’re like emotionally dying.”

*****

Lexa laughed slightly from the doorway that they were standing in for the second time today spying. Maybe they had missed their calling as a stealthy warrior that could hide in trees and take people out with a single dagger to the throat.

The green eyes that matched theirs turned to them, and they just stared at each other for a minute.

‘Moment of truth.’ And they moved forward.

*****

Ryder pulled the dirty blonde child in-front of him as a buffer for the sibling approaching.

‘Don’t fuck it up. She’s back in your life. Shit. They. They. They.’

He noticed the flush to their cheeks, which contrasted with the coldness of their eyes. They were ready for rejection. And this hurt his heart.

Ryder would never admit to secretly running searches that could lose his job to try and locate the person that walked out of their home at sixteen.

* * *

 

_It had been a few days since Alexandria left the house with nothing more than the framed photo of them as kids. He was walking through streets of San Diego with a photo of the runway, asking them in Spanish or English, if they had seen this girl. No one recognized the photo though._

_His parents had reported Alexandria as a runaway, and they went about their day as though his sister was not missing. But he searched._

_‘Why didn’t you stand up for her?’ he berated himself again and again._

_‘Why didn’t you follow her?’ was the second most asked question._

_‘Why didn’t you just love her?’ was the one that haunted him though._

_He thought he saw a glimpse of the lithe figure, but like a ghosted memory the body slipped between the other people in the crowd and vanished before his eyes._

_When he went home that night, no one but the housekeeper was home. She stood in the laundry room folding the various clothes, and Ryder noticed that there was a small pile of Alexandria’s jeans and t-shirts in the piles. Looking up at the nanny, his eyes questioned if she knew where his sister was._

_“Hola, mijo,” she said to him as he sat on the small stool next to her. Her eyes were glued to the telenovela and she was shaking her head. “Ay dios mio! That Hector, mijo, he es malo,” she said to him in broken Spanglish._

_Esperanza had raised these kids since infancy. Spent more time with them, than her own children, who were only a few years older. She had taught them how to feed themselves; how to walk and, of course, how to talk. To their mother’s dismay, their first sentences were in a language she didn’t understand; however, when the children began engaging in play dates with others families of status, their mother would use their bilingual abilities as bragging rights at her superior parenting._

_He watches as she moved the clothing into the basket. All except hers. That she placed in a small pile on the green Jansport backpack. And he knew and he hugged the woman, who whispered to him in Spanish that things would be okay._

* * *

He never told his parents that he knew where Lexa had gone to that night. He knew they hadn’t stayed long though because after two weeks, he went to Esperanza’s home in search of them. But they were not there; or they pretended to not be there.

Lexa stood in front of him and his daughter now.

“Lexa, this is Alexi. Alexi this is my… sibling I told you about. This is Alexandra, but sh… they go by Lexa,” he says with his eyes still on the long lost sibling, hoping that they would see he was trying. That he wanted this to work.  

The little girl looked up at him, and asked the question that would need to be handled, “You’re my aunt?!” The girl’s jaw dropped open.

Lexa looked down at the girl. “Hello, Alexi,” they say and hold out their hand.

*****

Clarke shook her head. ‘Really, Lexa? You’re gonna shake the girl’s hand?’

But she watched as the child broke down Lexa’s walls just as her own girls had. The child wrapped her thin arms around Lexa’s midsection and hugged them tightly. Looking up, she asked, “Can I call you Auntie Lexi?” and Clarke watched as pain flashed through Lexa’s eyes.

After not getting a response, and only seeing green eyes and a stoic face, Alexi released Lexa and backed into her father. Clarke’s heart hurt for the girl, who honestly would not understand now but in a few years wouldn’t even phase her.

But this is what Lexa did. Lexa defined themself by their difference while everyone else saw Lexa for Lexa not them or he or she.

‘When are you going to get it?’ Clarke shot Lexa a warning glare.

She moved to the girl and kneeled down. Speaking softly, she said, “Hi, Alexi. I’m Clarke and you can call me Aunt Clarke if you would like. But Lexa is so special that we always use a special name.”

The girl looked at Clarke and then up at her father, “You said her name is Aunt Alexandria.”

“I know, baby,” he said kneeling at eye-level with the girl as well. “But, I have not seen Lexa in a long time. I didn’t realize how special… Lexa was until now.”

Lexa answers, “Lexa works until we find something that fits.” Looking at the small girl, they smiled, “Is that okay with you?”

And the girl nodded.

Clarke almost laughed as she asked, “Is nodding like the basis of Trikru communication? I swear it runs in the name line.” She looked back at her own two girls. “You two going to start to?” And the two older girls just nodded laughing.

“What can I say I just take after my Nontu!” Raven said as her and Octavia sandwiched Lexa in a hug.

*****

The yard filled up quickly as the teens played in the pool, while the adults gathered around the misted patio.

Lexa pressed into the back of the Clarke, as they watched their girls play with their new niece. Bellamy was there as well, and Clarke noticed how close the boy stayed to Raven.

Octavia and Lincoln paid close attention to the younger Trikru, and Lincoln put the girl on his shoulders as they began a basketball game.  Shifting their gaze to the man at the table, they locked eyes for a few moment and just took each other in.

“Was it is bad as you thought it would be?” Clarke asked Lexa feeling the warm breathe on her slightly sweaty neck.

“Thank you, Prisa,” they whispered. And pressed their lips to her neck.

Clarke turned to face them, “So, are we going to try and meet the parents?” blue eyes questioning their lover.

“We’ll see. I am not in a hurry,” they answered earnestly, and just pulled her in tightly. This had worked and there would be many more challenges to face in the future.

But of course, because this is Lexa’s life, things had to get more complicated now. Because the meeting with Ryder had been too easy, now, Clarke’s life would explode into them as though a spotter was targeting their location for a missile attack.

*****

Just as their lips were about to press together, Clarke’s eyes grew huge and her breath caught in her chest.

“What’s wrong, Clarke?” Lexa asked but turned and saw the smiling, floppy haired man standing in doorway. He held a bottle of Vodka and a huge bouquet of flowers. He gazed around the yard as the company became quiet and watched. When he found Clarke he smiled, until he saw her pressed into Lexa.

The smile turned to confusion, and then he shook his head and walked back into the house.

“Finn!” she hissed.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to begin with that by the end of 39 you may hate me for how much I am about to fuck up everyone's life. 
> 
> Also this is a little shorter because it is split into a 37, 38 and 39. I am hoping to have 38 and 39 done today as well.

Octavia’s stomach tightened, and her blood pounded in her ears because she knew that their whole world and every attempt to create a cohesive patch-work family was about to be pulled at the seams to test its strength. She knew that the stitches holding their hearts together was new, therefore there were minimal weak threads; however, each of their edges was frayed to begin with. And Octavia didn’t know if Clarke or Raven could handle being pulled at by Finn.

She pushed herself from the pool, making her way to where her parents stood. They both still stared at the door, and Octavia felt that she needed to stand near Lexa. She didn’t know if it was to protect Lexa from doing something stupid like running away, or to have Lexa protect her from the pain of Finn’s memory on all that he had done to their family. Clarke was the center. She had always been the foundation. But Clarke had a weakness, and it was in allowing people to stay.

‘Don’t run. Don’t leave us,’ her eyes begged Lexa, who nodded to her as though they were telepathic when they saw the teen approach.

Turning her attention to Clarke, Octavia was not pleading. Instead she glared at her mother, for letting this douche into their lives to begin with.

Clarke looked sadly at the girl because she knew how the girl felt about Finn.

* * *

_The teen center was too blue. Pale blue walls dingy with greasy hand prints and dinged drywall from crappy blue plastic chairs, which wobbled due to one foot being broken off like every other chair. The dark blue carpet masked how dirty it really was, except for the dusty foot prints that coated it in areas that were not already well treaded through._

_Octavia hated coming to these group share sessions. Really it was like court-appointed therapy for teenage victims, but she just felt it was weird to be sitting in a room sharing her experiences with a bunch of female strangers and the male authoritarian figure that ran the whole thing. Collins, they were supposed to call him, but he winked at them and said, “Finn’s just fine.”_

_‘Someone should tell this douche that winking at a bunch of fucked-up teens probably is just going to give them like shitty flashbacks and other fucked-up emotions.’ But he was handsome and not Clarke Griffin, who Octavia was about to kick in the face if she visited once more and offered to adopt her. The bitch had told everything. Like EVERYTHING she had said and now she was living in this hell hole. Bellamy couldn’t do shit about it because he was living in a dorm at the college. She was stuck._

_‘Fuck you, Griffin!’ she repeated a few times while a little blonde girl talked about being in juvie after her parents were both shot by cops. She swears with her perfect little blonde-haired head and big blue eyes that it wasn’t their fault. And now she would have nightmares about their deaths. ‘You look like fucking Clarke Griffin, bitch; you’ll get adopted, and your life will be fine, so shut the fuck up!’_

_There was no doubt that Octavia was angry. Anger had fueled her for the past two years and made it so she could survive anything. She pushed on, the still healing abrasions on her help. The surge of pain brought her attention back to the room._

_She hunched forward in her chair, her low-cut black top giving Finn Collins the opportunity to stare down her shirt._

_He smiled at her, and asked, “Octavia, would you like to share anything today?”_

_Smiling suggestively back at him, because this is how men work in her mind, “I am just ready to move on with my life. I’m done worrying about the past. Let’s just like live for today. Love each other and all that stuff.”_

_He smiled and nodded at her, his brown fluffy hair framing his face._

_‘He must spend a lot on shampoo and conditioner,’ she thought but didn’t break eye contact. He would want her, and she would use him to make herself feel better._

_That was her plan, until Clarke-Fucking-Griffin showed up for their daily visit. The bitch came every fucking day, and Octavia didn’t really care if she ever saw her again. But at the same point, it was the only consistent part of her life. Clarke Griffin’s blonde hair and blue eyes that begged for forgiveness and acceptance. She had asked to adopt her and, Octavia being the pleasant person she was, told the blonde to, ‘Go fuck yourself, Griffin.’_

_Griffin waited outside the room, until the session was over._

_Octavia didn’t bother to leave with the rest, because it would seem like she may actually want to see the teacher. She couldn’t let the blonde see her vulnerable like that. Couldn’t admit that this was the only time of day that someone cared to talk to her. But if she had gone out that day to meet her, then Griffin wouldn’t have walked into the depressingly, dingy and desolate blue room. Griffin wouldn’t have smiled at the brown hair man that was barely an inch taller than she was. Griffin wouldn’t have been asked out on a pseudo-date to talk about communication._

_If only she had gone out to meet Griffin, she may had never met Finn._

* * *

But if she had went to meet Clarke outside of the room, then Clarke may have not met Lexa.

‘But can Clarke handle seeing Finn again? Weren’t they in love at some point to get engaged? Was their family just a game to him? When did he meet Raven and decide that they were not enough for him?’ All questions that Octavia had asked after her fist had collided with his face. Maybe today was the day for answers though.

She felt the cool hand on her lower back and turned to see Raven alongside her. The wind blew then, sending goose pimples over their overly exposed skin. Looking at the sky Octavia saw the brown air coming in their direction and dark gloomy clouds rolling in from the east. A storm was coming, but at the same time it had already arrived.

*****

Ryder didn’t understand why the joyous reunion had taken such a drastic mood change, but he didn’t know that the centralized location was that man that had appeared in the doorway only to then disappear back into the house.

The wind picked up, and they could see the storm coming in. The various guests began to pick up the food, plates, and other items of importance, but none knew what to do because the party crasher was in the house, and Clarke was retreating in the direction as well, leaving the girls with Lexa.

Abby touched his arm, “That is Clarke’s ex. They just recently ended their relationship.”

He watched as each girl held on to one of Lexa’s arms as though they are grounding the body’s feet. ‘She—no they--- still run,’ he realizes. And for the first time he recognizes that the family he has seen may still be new and evolving into the roles that will make them one.

“And he just walked into the house?” he asks prepared to call in a trespassing call. He could take care of this in a matter of minutes without any bloodshed, which he knows Lexa has always been capable of dealing out.

Abby smiled, “She keeps her door open to anyone. Raven tells me that is how Lexa won over Clarke after standing up her up at a Starbucks. She showed up to family pizza night, and let Clarke know that sh-they cared. See, don’t worry. I am still learning as well.”

Ryder realized that Lexa’s fear may not be linked to that Clarke’s ex was here. But that he was here in the same way that they had come. With the same intentions. And there was history there. An engagement. A kid.

“Are both girls his too?” he asked, and when Abby shook her head he felt a brief sense of relief until she shared more.

“Octavia has always been Clarke’s, but they met because of Octavia. He was a youth counselor. But Raven…” she said hesitantly. “Raven is the reason they broke up. He had a side relationship with Raven.”

He looked back at her, eyebrows crinkling in the middle, a wrinkle creasing his forehead, “Like while they lived here?”

Abby laughed at this, “No, sorry. I left out much. Clarke and O caught them at the mall. Raven didn’t knew that Finn was seeing someone else. She apparently came to see Clarke and apologize, and they hit it off to the point that for a minute, Clarke and Raven may have been a thing. But no one really has spoken of it. And well, she’s my daughter and I have learned the other may soon be my granddaughter, so I don’t think I want to know truly.”

Ryder’s head spun with the overload of information. ‘Holy shit. This house is complicated.’

“Thank you, Mrs. Griffin,” he said. Taking a stack of plates, he too moves to his family, because they will be a family, damn it if it kills him, and stands just in front of Lexa enough so they can see him.

Alexi joins him and takes Octavia’s free hand.

Ryder looks back at Lexa and nudges his head forward a little, to which they nod in response. And as an awkward attack team, the Trikrus and soon-to-be Trikrus made their way forward to the house. Where they heard the loud voice of Clarke Griffin coming through the still open door!

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, FINN?  ARE YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING EXPECTING TO STAY?”

They can’t hear Finn’s response, but more than likely it was not what Clarke wanted to hear, because she screams again. “YES, I KNOW WHAT A FUCKING OPEN DOOR IS, YOU DOUCHE BAG!”

Before they make it to the door, something inside shatters.

And Lincoln is the first body through the door at a full sprint. 


	38. Chapter 38

Lexa’s eyes went wild, as the huge olive skinned man-boy pushed past them still sopping wet and ran straight through the door. Octavia at his heels, after having dropped the little girl’s hand. Lexa followed them into the house, to see Clarke and Finn glaring at each other from across the open kitchen on the opposite end of the house.

Clarke stood with her back to the front window, while Finn’s back was to the entering teens, blocking the only exit to the kitchen. Clarke’s face was red and her eyes murderous.

“You must have had her on the fucking burner, yet you have the audacity to call me a cheater,” he stated harshly. Nothing in the living room was damaged, which means whatever was broken was what was separating the two angry adults.

Lincoln still running took the first step up onto a dining room chair and then over the counter barrier, placing himself in front of Clarke protectively. The boy was so large he practically blocked her completely.

“Fuck,” he hissed, but did not take his eyes off Finn.

When Octavia approached more quietly behind Finn, she could see the glass spread over the floor of the kitchen. Flowers lay on the floor, mixing with water and glass, as well.  Where Lincoln stood, the floor was taking on a slight tinge of blood.

“Lincoln, your feet,” she said, but he didn’t hear her because Clarke was screaming and he was trying to hold her back.

 “YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU CAN’T JUST COME INTO MY HOME AND BREAK MY SHIT!”

‘I got you,’ Lincoln said to himself, as he picked up Clarke from the ground and put her up on the counter, so that she did not step in glass. She was struggling against him, and he ended up having to hold her on the counter to keep her from attacking Finn.

Finn laughed, and if Ryder hadn’t of been right next to Octavia he may not have been able to stop the teen from hitting him forward into the glass that had injured her boyfriend. But he was close enough and now held the girl’s wrist, glaring at her with steel green eyes.

 “Let me handle this,” he whispered flatly, but didn’t get the chance to do anything, because from the other side of Octavia, Raven came around and landed a full fist against the side of Finn’s face.

*****

Clarke’s fury was blazing through her so extremely she felt as though her veins were boiling. Lincoln was holding her to the counter, but that didn’t stop her from trying to get through him to the cheater behind her.

She didn’t have time to process the image of Raven, before she attacked Finn. What she saw was Finn slammed into the counter and then the two bodies collapsed into the pile of shattered glass. Raven attempted to hit Finn again several times, but only connected one well to his jaw before the lithe Latina was pulled from her ex-boyfriend and handed to Lexa by Ryder.

Lexa pushed her into a dining room chair; examining the various cuts across her arms and stomach from the glass. “What were you thinking, Raven?” Lexa scolded the younger girl.

‘He’s going to tell her everything,’ Raven thought wildly. Because she had kept all of her and Finn from Clarke and he was going to tell her now.

* * *

_She was 17 when she found herself at the shelter. Normally being homeless in Phoenix, AZ during the winter was not too bad; usually she could find someplace to sleep that was not too cold. It wasn’t like there was snow and tons of rain. Often she would just pop the lock of an older car and sleep in the back seat. If she was lucky though, she would find a car with someone that liked to pretend they lived in their car and she would acquire a new wardrobe. ._

_It was an abnormally cold night and she had heard from some others on the street that it was supposed to freeze that night. She stood in the long line of other people with equally grungy clothes, and in desperate need of a shower._

_When she finally made it through the door, there was a young man with a sad lock on his face he was shaking his head, “I’m sorry we have no more beds.”_

_‘Fuck,’ she thought and realized that she had wasted too much time in this line. She moved out the door and down 7 th Ave,. pushing passed people as she gripped the large sweatshirt into her. But someone stopped her and when she turned she saw the young man that had told them there were no more beds. His eyes were warm and his face was kind. _

_Taking her hand, he put a single key into her hand. Looking at it she could tell it was a key to a house or apartment. She met his gaze with an accusatory glare._

_“On Indian School, across from the VA hospital there is an apartment complex. I wrote the apartment number on the key. I will be here working all night, so there is a bed in the apartment that you can use and something to eat in the refrigerator,” he said softly._

_“Why?” she asked._

_And he answered, “My girlfriend says everyone needs an open door sometime.”_

_*****_

_She had begun staying there on the days he worked. She cleaned up the clear bachelor pad, whenever she stayed as a form of payment for allowing her to keep the key, or not change the lock. She saw the picture of him with the blonde and sparkly blue eyes. ‘Girlfriend?’_

_Two months later was the first time she lay with him. He wasn’t supposed to be home, but he had been attacked by another homeless person when he told them the beds were all full for the night._

_When he pushed through the door, his arm was slung up and his face a little bruised. She was standing in the kitchen in his t shirt and boxers. Her clothes were down the hall in the laundry room. They just watched each other for a minute._

_“Hello,” he whispered._

_“I will leave,” she responded, knowing she could just sit in the laundry room until her clothes finished drying. She picked up the mostly empty backpack and moved towards the door. He caught her wrist, and held her for a moment._

_Looking into her brown eyes, he said quietly, “You don’t have to leave.” But he let her go to give her the choice. He went into the bedroom and she heard him struggling, so she went in to help him._

_First she took off his shirt and checked that the bandage was not seeping in blood. She helped him with his pants next, leaving him in only his boxers while she went to get some of the pajamas she knew he wore often because she always washed them when she stayed._

_He had to sit to get the pants on his feet, which made it so she had to kneel between his legs to get the pants around his ankles to pull up. She couldn’t help but notice his face slightly flush and that his dick was getting hard._

_He tried to cover himself, apologizing. And she nodded in understanding. He looked up at the ceiling, as her hands pulled at the pants, stopping at the pillow that he had put over himself. She pulled it way and they stood up together as she pulled the pants up the rest of the way._

_Their heads knocked at the top and they looked at each other._

_She should have left._

_But she didn’t._

_Instead she kissed him._

_And later as she pushed down on his erect dick, she stared at the picture of the blonde on the nightstand; thrusting herself down on him and for just one moment she imagined herself as the woman in the photo and began to embrace a life with the man she was fucking._

_*****_

_He moved into the house with the blonde, but he kept the apartment for her. She worked for under the table cash at an auto body shop. Starting out as the cashier, she picked up on the basics quickly and as they began to trust her more, they let her tinker more._

_She knew it had more to do with that the guys in the shop enjoyed watching her bend over in the car, but it gave her the time she needed to learn how the engines worked. Getting better, they paid her more. But it didn’t fix the problem that she still couldn’t get a job without a social security card or a birth certificate._

_That first year with him at the blonde’s house, he would visit regularly and they never really spoke. When he came, she would make him dinner and then take him to bed to fuck her; however, he pleased, which was always softly and he made it a point to please her equally._

_She honestly didn’t care that he would leave in the middle of the night, because for a few minutes, she knew what it was like to be the blonde in the photo. To be with the sweet man that opened his home to strangers._

_*****_

_Three years in and they were getting closer. They started talking about everything. He started to spend more and more nights with her and would stay until morning, instead of leaving right away. The passion increased and she stopped cooking for him, instead jumping in his arms when he would come through the door. He became braver and experimented with the various positions he could put her in._

_One day, he came in flustered and said it was done, and then buried his cock into her as he stared in her eyes telling her he loved her._

_The next week, he promised he was going to leave her, and she was so excited she swallowed every drop of him that exploded after she had fallen to her knees before him and went to work alternating between licking the tip and sucking the shaft._

_Two months later he held her after plunging his dick into her ass so hard she knew she would struggle to walk correctly the next day, and told her that she was the one he wanted to keep forever and for always._

_A week later her life blew up when then the teen punched him in the face. He had promised to take her out for the day, and she really want to get some new eye liner, so they went to the mall._

_And it turned out that he was not going to leave Clarke._

_“I love Clarke, Raven,” he said coldly. ‘I have to make things work with her.”_

_She left him in the apartment, hurt and drunk so she knew he couldn’t leave._

_But for the first time in three years, she had nowhere to go._

_So she went to the one place that she knew would also have open doors, the home of Clarke Griffin. The blonde that lived the life she pretended to have daily._ _She knew where Clarke Griffin lived, from the time that she had followed him home._

_She wanted to see what the woman had that she didn’t. And when she stood in the living room of the small ranch house, she realized then that Clarke Griffin had everything. The life that any kid from the streets would want. And she would do what she had to keep it._

* * *

Lexa’s eyes locked with Raven and they could see the torment within the girl. They looked over at the man that was causing the scene, and then back to the girl. She was frantic, but Clarke was still screaming frantically at him in as many swear words as content words, so it was really difficult to make out what she was trying to say.

‘They’ll never let me stay, when she knows. When she finds out that I lied that first day,’ and words like “liar” and “stupid” filled her head, as Abby’s warm hands met with her cold and aching skin.

“Raven, honey. I need to take you to the bathroom so we can clean these cuts,” the doctor said softly, trying to ease her shaking.

But Raven shook her head. ‘I don’t want to go.’ And then, ‘I don’t want them to ask me to leave.’

Looking at Clarke, she whispered her confession, “I knew about you the whole time.”

Clarke didn’t hear her though. Clarke was too busy yelling.

But Lexa heard her and stared at her. Abby heard her too, and the brown eyes went wide. Neither could breathe for a minute.

Lexa hissed at Raven, “Don’t say a word.”

Abby looked at Lexa and nodded agreeing that this was not the time or place for Clarke and Raven to have this conversation. She pulled at Raven to take her from the room and into the girl’s bathroom, and reluctantly she followed apologizing the entire way. 

*****

“Enough!” Lexa yelled, bringing everyone’s eyes to her.

Clark swallowed her anger though the storm raging in her eyes was far from done. ‘Mother fucking, douche bag hat, ass monkey, Finn. You ruined our fucking family reunion, you fucktard,’ the words still raced through her head.

Focusing for the first time on the man-boy holding her in place, she notices the pained expression on his face and looks down to he him standing in his own blood.

 “Lincoln, what are you doing, son? Get off out of here, you stepped on glass,” she said to him, her angry voice replaced with soft and motherly tones.

He smiled at her, “You were going to walk through it.” And Clarke realized that the boy was there to keep her safe, and she remembered him picking her up and holding her from chasing after Finn. Wrapping her arms around his neck she thanked him.

When she released him, she looked around the room, and not finding the other daughter she asked almost panicked, “Where’s Raven?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are touched by raven's story please check out the YouTube video I posed on tumblr. It was partial inspiration for raven's story.


	39. Chapter 39

 Finn lay in the back of Ryder's car as he drove him to the hospital to have the glass removed from his back. Ryder was given the little information that had developed in the fight between the two women and the man in the backseat by Lexa, as they asked Ryder to get him out of the house without looking to violate Clarke's open for policy. So he did, telling Finn that Abby refused to administer medical treatment to non-family members, leaving this as the only option. Alexi was under the care of her teen cousin, while Lexa and Abby each tended to the three involved in the dispute.

"Coming back was dumb, man," he tells the bleeding man behind him casually.

Finn huffed and then said, "I thought I could have both worlds. The wild and crazy world with Raven and the safe and comfortable with Clarke. I actually convinced myself that they were both happy. I'm an idiot. I thought if I came back and I was there that she could forgive and I could have that life back. I love the girl but Clarke is the fucking sun, dude."

Ryder listened carefully realizing that this was what Lexa had done not too long ago and it worked. Ryder didn't know Clarke and what she would do given the chance to for give Clarke. He couldn't let Finn have the opportunity to mess up Lexa's life, so he looked for an admission to guilt to anything that he as an officer was required to hold against the man.

"How long were you and Clarke together?" Ryder asked knowing that if he could keep Finn talking maybe he wouldn't ask how he knew Clarke.

"Three years."

"Wow. That's a long time. How long were you able to keep up the double life?" Ryder probed gently.

Finn laughed a little before he started to cry. Choking out, "The whole time."

'Fucking hell. Three years. But Raven is young. Like really young,' he thought as he listened to Finn confess or brag, he really couldn't tell the difference with this man.

"The bitch seduced me and just fucked with my head. I thought I was helping her, letting her stay at my place. Then one night she just crawls into my bed and she was just so beautiful. She did things that I could never do to Clarke, because like I said she's the sun. You have to be gentle with the sun.

'He hurt the girl," his niece was hurt by this dick and he wanted to castrate him right then and there.

Then Finn adds to his anger with, " She ruined my life."

'But how young was the question,' and he needed Finn to tell him.

Finn sobs quieted some and he pressed his hand to his damp face. He said, "sorry man, it's been a shitty two months. I lost the love of my life and the service girl at the same. It's just hard."

"Raven," Ryder says through gritted teeth.

"Huh?"

"Her name is Raven. Not the service girl," he practically hissed, fighting the urge to pull over the vehicle and pummel the man more.

"Dude, are you her new dick?" Finn asked bewildered, realizing he didn't know who Ryder was.

Ryder scoffed, "No dude, she is too young for me. What is she 18? 19?"

Finn shakes his head, and answers, "20," as they pulled into the entrance of the emergency room.

Ryder smiled a heartbroken smile for the girl he would defend, 'And I got you, you dick head. Statutory rape and your life is now over.'

Ryder helped him into the hospital and made sure he was in a bed before calling his Sargent and explaining the situation. It was only a few minutes before Finn was cuffed to the bed and read his rights.

*****

Abby moved Raven into her bedroom and helped the girl into loose pajamas. The brown eyes were defeated and filled with sorrow, but her face was hard.

She had been told to keep her confession to herself right before Clarke burst through the door to check over her wounds. Her face was stone cold but the blue stormy eyes had been replaced with only the depths of concern.

"Honey, are you okay?" she asked looking over the cleaned wounds and then into the girl's pained face.

Raven nodded, which made Clarke laugh a little, "You're just like Lexa. All tough and stoic."

Clarke placed a pale hand on each of the tanned cheeks and kissed the younger woman's forehead. "Next time let me handle it, please. You don't need to hurt yourself protecting me."

'I wasn't protecting you. I was protecting me.'

She started to open her mouth. To tell Clarke the whole truth, but Abby pulled at her arm slightly, and said softly, "Come on, Raven, let's get you to bed."

Looking up at Abby, she could see the warning in her eyes. Raven stood up and the three women made their way into the small bedroom with Lexa's handed-down bed and small dresser. Raven didn't have many things to decorate so the room was still basically empty.

She cried as they moved into the room. Clarke thought is was because of the pain, but Abby knew she was grieving the potential loss of this home. Abby looked around and noticed that since this afternoon, Raven had put up a poster of an older car. The first attempt that she had made to make the place her own. And it broker her heart because she too knew what it meant to be shut out by Clarke Griffin.

Clarke sat on the edge of the bed, refusing to leave. Abby looked at Raven with pleading eyes. Raven knew what she wanted her to do, but she turned and left the room.

Clarke pushed the a lock of chocolate hair away from her face, and smiled down at her. Raven felt the knife of betrayal stab through her chest and she couldn't hold in the pain.

Looking into those blue eyes that had shown her nothing but kindness, she whispered, “I knew all three years.”

Softness turned to confusion.

Confusion turned to shocked understanding.

Understanding turned to pained rage.

Clarke looked at the girl that just hours ago she wanted to adopt and make her apart of this family. But now betrayal filled her chest and she didn’t want to see the girl.

She walked to the door, and Raven asked before she left, “Did you really love him?”

Facing the door, Clarke uttered, “I don’t even know him. Just like I don’t even know you.” The door closed behind her and Raven got up from the bed. Using the same bag she had that first night with Finn, she gathered what minimal belongings she had, Raven popped the screen from the bedroom and slipped away into the night.

*****

Once Raven was in her room with Clarke, Abby checked Lincoln's feet. Abby stated he was lucky because he only have a few small scratches and the water on the floor made it appear worse than it really is. So, Octavia help Lincoln move from the bathroom into her room.

Clarke had given him permission for him to stay the night the day before, since Indra was out of town and the teen was PMSing; she hoped that would be some deterrent, not knowing what Lexa knew.

Lincoln lay on the bed with Octavia tucked into his arm. She listened to the sound of his heart beating, just relishing in the knowledge that he was hers and he would do anything to protect her and her family.

She kissed his neck and he breathed deeper into the kiss. Turning his head to meet her lips. The kiss was soft at first and then grew heavier.

He pulled the girl on to his bare chest. Their skin touching almost everywhere thanks to the tiny bikini she wore. He pulled her ass into him while he kissed her, her tongue dipping into his mouth and dancing with his.

She felt him growing under her and wished that they had this moment only yesterday, because now, right now, she was ready to give him everything.

She ground herself on to him letting out soft moans of pleasure. He moved one of his hands to the back of her neck and pulled her into him, trying to get even closer. She canted her hips into him, but then pulled away.

Blown pupils looked back at him and she said, "I want you but I'm kind of a mess right now, she said looking down at her crouch."

It took him a moment, but he nodded in understanding. He pressed against her, as he said quietly, "O, I'll wait as long as it takes. I can just kiss you if you would like."

But she shook her head. And he looked at her in confusion, until she reached down between her legs and pulled at the ties to his pants. His cock jumped at the opportunity but he reached down and held her hands still, "Baby, you don't have to."

This brought a smile to the girl's face. She leaned up kissing his  cheek and then placing her lips to his ear, she whispered, "but I want to."

She slid a hand into his pants and grazed a few soft fingers along his shaft, sending shivers coursing through him.

She was touching him and it was so soft and amazing he felt like he may not be able to control it. But he fought it, holding himself together as her hand wrapped around him and pulled, then pushed.

He couldn't imagine a better feeling than this, that was until she moved her kisses down his body and tugged his shorts off. Lincoln thought she just wanted to see him, all of him but then she kissed the tip and he lost the ability to focus on anything but her mouth in his cock.

Licking the tip, then his shaft, made him shiver. He shook because he hadn't been touched in so long that this was too much for him. He could feel the pressure building and his mind was clouding over in pleasure.

"O, I'm going to..." He whispers to her and she smiles at him.

She understands what he means and he expects her to grab his shorts to catch him but instead she wraps her lips around him and takes him back into her mouth.

The sensation is too much, and as the tip touches the back of her mouth he bursts. His hand gripped the back of her head, holding her place, as he moaned out her name.

When he was empty, his eyes opened to see the teen wiping the edges of her lips, with lips still around his cock. He moved his hand apologizing profusely.

She smiled at him and moved back a straddling position.

He kissed her softly, tasting his cum on her lips.

"I love you, Octavia."

She looked at him with so much emotion, "I love you, Lincoln."

And the fell asleep wrapped into each other. Both knowing that this was their one. The one they couldn't live without.

*****

Lexa heard the truck start, ten minutes after Clarke emerged from the girl's bedroom. She had moved straight to the bedroom, but stopped to look at the little girl curled up into Lexa's lap.

"Did you know?" Clarke asked painfully, but quietly.

"I found out just after the fight," they whispered. 

Neither had enough time to say more, when the thunderous vehicle started. Lexa moved the girl carefully from them, and followed Clarke who had run from the house to the front yard.

The truck's lights were disappearing quickly, as Raven drove away. And Clarke buried her face into Lexa's chest, sobbing.

"I didn't ask her to leave," the blonde cried. 

Lexa couldn't respond, just cried silently, knowing that if Raven didn't want to be found they would never see her again. 


	40. Chapter 40

When they went back into the house, Clarke was still crying. Immediately she went to Raven’s small room. She threw open drawers in the tiny dresser only to find them empty but for a t-shirt that Clarke recognized as hers.

She throws open the closet to find it too empty. The only thing that remained in the room to show Raven was ever there was the car poster. Staring at the poster, Clarke dropped to her knees, holding herself up as the sobs burst through her throat.

‘She just left. Why did she leave?’ Clarke cried. But she knew why she left. She had turned her back on the girl when she had finally opened up.

Raven had told her the secret that haunted her and Clarke had walked away.

‘She knew Finn for three years. Three years she had been with Finn. Three years.’

And then the realization hit her. Raven was twenty and Finn had been fucking her since she was a child. Clarke had brought into her home a child molester. The realization hit Clarke so hard, that the wind may as well had been kicked from her chest.

Gasping, she pushed up from the floor and ran into Octavia’s room. The girl jumped trying to cover Lincoln’s naked body with a blanket, but Clarke didn’t hesitate. She went to the bed and pulled the girl from the bed.

“Did he hurt you?” she pleaded, blue eyes still glassy with tears.

The bewildered teen just looked at her, saying, “No, Lincoln would never hurt me. I just gave him a blowjob. We haven’t even had sex yet.”

Clarke looked at her in shock ,then back at the frightened boy trying to pull on his pants, then back to the teen, “No. Finn. Did he hurt you?”

She could tell Octavia was confused, so she tried again, “Did Finn have sex with you or try to have sex with you?”

Octavia’s eyes grew, and she answered, “No.” And then, “Why?”

Clarke held her head, searching her eyes for truth. When she felt safe enough that Octavia was telling her the truth, she pulled the teen in and held her so tightly. Finally she said to the girl, “He was with Raven for three years. She knew and he kept her on the side for three years.”

Octavia pulled her mom into a stronger embrace, and then she said, “She’s just like me, isn’t she?”

Clarke nodded, releasing the girl.

“Where is Raven, Mom?” the teen asked sensing that something else was wrong. Clarke shook her head.

“I don’t know, baby. I turned my back on her when she told and she ran away.”

And the girl cried into the boy that stood behind her, after pulling from the mother’s grip.

*****

Raven drove through Phoenix towards the only place she knew someone wouldn’t look for her. No one but Octavia knew there was even some interest there and if she could distract him for the night, he wouldn’t have a chance to check is phone if Octavia does try to contact him.

The frat house was loud, and college boys moved around the yard, carrying red solo cups, and yelling at each other.

A tall boy stopped her at the steps, “Hey, pretty girl. You looking for someone?”

“Bellamy,” is all she says.

He looks her up and down, ”You’re new. You sure you want him?”

She fights the urge to punch him, and pushes past him.

Bellamy is in the living room on the couch, with an Xbox One controller in his hand. He is yelling at the soccer players on the screen, along with a few other boys. It takes him a minute to see her, but when he does he drops the controller.

“Raven, how are you? You looked pretty messed up when I left,” he said putting his hands on her shoulders.

She looked up at him with a lowered chin. Her eyes were huge and she knew that this look would draw him in. And it worked.

“I came here to see you. I didn’t get to spend enough time with you today,” she said softly, running her hand on his chest.

He smiled, and looked over his shoulder, where the game had continued without him. He told the guys, “I’m out, guys.”

Leading her up the dirty hall and through the hall of dorm rooms, he held her hand, smiling to his brothers as he led her to his room.

Once they were behind the door, he took a seat on the bed.

“So what happened?”

She pulled her shirt from her body, and looked at him, then said, “I didn’t come here to talk.”

*****

Lexa was on the phone with Ryder, when Clarke came from Octavia’s room. Thankfully the seven-year old was still passed out on the couch, snoring softly.

“So he is in custody?” Clarke hears them ask, and a wave of relief over takes her.

“Okay, can you trace the truck?” there is silence as Lexa waits for the answer.

Clarke moves to the child, and pushes the blonde hair from her face. She reached under the thin frame and lifted the girl from the couch. She took the girl out of the house, and Lexa knew she was moving her to Abby’s place.

Octavia and Lincoln entered the room, each with a look of guilt on their face. ‘Fuck. They had to have sex now?’ Lexa said to themself, shaking their head at the teens, lips pursed in frustration.

‘What can’t go wrong tonight?’

“Of course it’s not registered. Wait, I know how to find her,” they say. “Yeah, when I got a new phone, I got her one too. I turned on the find my phone app. I will check that now. Thanks, Ryder… Yes, Alexi is fine. She is sleeping. Clarke just took her to Abby’s studio in the guest house.”

After a few more, ‘yeses’ and ‘okays’, Lexa hung up. Glaring at the two teens, they said, “We are going to talk about this, and you are not to share a bed in this house until you are legal adults again.”

Octavia’s mouth opened, “but, we…”

Lexa shook their head, “No, I know that look. Whether you had sex or not, I can tell you did something and I am not sanctioning underage sex in this house. Understand?”

And Lincoln nodded, but refused to meet Lexa’s glare. Octavia looked as though she may argue, but Lincoln pulled her back to him with a hand over her mouth.

*****

Bellamy looked at the topless girl that was approaching him. He could see the bandages from the glass cuts, but the toned tanned skin, made him honestly not care about anything but getting her under him.

But then Octavia’s harsh words reminded him that Raven was not just another girl. She was family, which means he had to be careful with how he handled her. That she was more than just another girl to fuck.

“Wow, you are gorgeous, but we can’t do this,” he said placing his hands on Raven’s hips as she positioned her breasts at his eye level. He struggled to look up at her, wanting nothing more than to grasp a nipple in his mouth and pull her onto his cock.

“You don’t want me?” she asked, confusion flooding her face.

He shook his head, and then said, “I want you for more than just sex.”

Raven looked at him softly, and lowered her lips to his. She kissed him gently and when he reciprocated, she sought entrance into his mouth.

She knew this game, and it was one she was good at.

The kiss deepened, and before Bellamy knew what to make of it, she was straddling him with his hands on her ass.

“Are you sure?” he asked. And his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. She pressed into him harder.

Pushing his head to her breast, she coaxed his lips around her nipple and moaned loudly.

*****

Clarke and Lexa were in the Audi driving to the campus. They had tracked Raven’s new iPhone to Bellamy’s dorm.

“Why would she go there?” Clarke asked.

Lexa looked at the blonde, trying to determine if this was really a question that needed answering. They realized as they watched the blonde, that she was clearly clueless. ‘She was never a runaway; there is no reason for her to get this.’

“She doesn’t think we would look here. She also clearly doesn't know that we can track her phone. I would suggest not letting her know that piece of information,” Lexa says to Clarke, but the tone is harsher than they had originally anticipated using.

Clarke looked at Lexa, whose jaw was locked and eyes hard.

‘Are they mad at me?’ Clarke asks herself.

Lexa does not turn to look at her, and Clarke realizes that there is a strong possibility Lexa is mad at her.

“I shouldn’t have left the room. I should have let her explain,” she whispered, her own confession. Lexa nodded in agreement with her words.

Lexa was silent for a while before they felt the need to contribute to the conversation, “You are the ultimate Mom, Clarke. But you let these kids do dumb things because you’re too busy trying to be their friend. Our girls come from bad places. They don’t need a friend. They need a parent.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open, but Lexa didn’t give her the chance to defend herself before they continued, “Octavia is under our roof having sex-“

“It was just a blowjob, Lexa,” she interrupted.

Lexa looked at Clarke momentarily before returning their focus to the road, “A blow job is sex, Clarke. It falls under oral sex. Are you seriously going to argue semantics with me right now?”

When Clarke doesn’t respond, Lexa continues, “Raven is a runaway. Under stress she is going to run. Its what she knows, and you can’t say something to her and then walk out expecting her to not think she is not wanted anymore. We have to protect ourselves, and it is easier to leave before being told to get out. Get out hurts, leaving hurts, but its not rejection. You basically rejected our daughter, Clarke.”

Lexa’s anger was filling the car with suffocating tension. Clarke had only ever felt this belittled by Abby.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me how to be a parent, Lexa. You have been a parent for all of what three weeks,” she yelled as though Lexa was not a foot and half from her. “You don’t know what it is like to have a kid slam a door in your face, tell you they hate you, and then when they say they’re sorry you have to forgive them because they have been through so much and they need to know that forgiveness is possible. You don’t know fucking shit, Lexa, so you can take your clearly superior parenting skills and shove them up your ass!”

*****

Bellamy’s hands ran over Raven’s back as he moved his lips to Raven’s other nipple. She ran her fingers through his hair.

‘You just have to keep him distracted tonight. Tomorrow you can find where to go next.’

“Bellamy, I want you,” she whispered to the man that was sucking gently on her nipple. His touch was so soft. It was almost like when Finn first fucked her. She looked down and saw the floppy haired man instead of the darker featured man that had escorted her to the room.

The image caused her to jump from Bellamy. He looked at her momentarily, but she played it off, and fell to her knees between his legs. She pulled at the button on his cargo shorts and then the zipper.

Before Bellamy could argue or stop her, she had pulled his cock from within and had her lips around the shaft. Placing his hand on the back of her head, he held her ponytail and guided her farther down the shaft.

‘Seriously, why do guys do that?’ she looked up at him, but his eyes were closed and he was clearly in his own world. When she started to pull off, he held her there momentarily before coming back to himself, which just annoyed her. 

“I want you to fuck me,” she says to him, as she stands up and drops her shorts. He looks her up and down, and then licks to small landing strip she has between her legs.

‘My turn,’ she thinks, and she takes him by his hair and pushed his face between her legs. She feels he generous tongue thrust between her folds and the moist heat of his mouth meets her clit.

“Mhmmm, that feels amazing, Bell,” she tells him.

*****

“Clarke, I don’t want to fight with you,” Lexa said as they pulled in front of the fraternity house.

“You just had the audacity to tell me I am a bad mother, Lexa. How did you not expect that to start a fight?” she hissed at the brunette.

“That was not what I meant, and I was just angry. I am not even angry with you,” they confessed. “I’m angry that Finn came today and ruined our day. I am angry that Raven ran away. I am angry that O felt today was a great day to start having sex with Lincoln. I just feel like I have no control of anything.” And they hit the steering wheel.

Clarke touches their arm to bring their attention to her. “Lexa, we make each other good parents. We’re both new at this. I have had three years to learn how to deal with one troubled teen and now we basically have two. Its work.” She coaxes Lexa’s chin to face her, “But, Lexa, we can do this together. We just can’t be at each other’s throats.”

Lexa nodded, tears gathering in her lower lids.

“Let’s go get our daughter,” Clarke says.

*****

Bellamy’s back is against the wall, his hands on the brunette’s hips pushing her down on his dick. She rolls her hips grinding her clit into him. They moan together as the room fills with the scent of sweat and sex.

Nothing about their connection was rough. Every touch was soft and the two kiss intimately. Bellamy could feel his heart warming in a way that was not familiar to him. This was not just a fuck for him. He wants to show her that she was worth more to him. So he let her lead every thrust.

Her walls embracing his dick, he felt the pressure building within him. Shifting his hand, he rubbed the swollen clit as she rolled her hips into him again.

“Yes… Fuck… Right there,” She whispers to him.

And when her walls spasm around him, the pulsing causes him to erupt within her. She grinds against him until his cock is spent and limp.

He pulls her in and kisses her softly. Looking into the deep brown eyes, he whispers, “Please tell me you will let me show you that I want more than this.”

And her heart aches, as she nods, because she knows that even though she wants to know him better, wants to love him, tomorrow morning when he wakes, she will be gone.

*****

They pull open the door to the Bellamy’s room to see their daughter straddling the man. Clarke’s heart broke, because she knew that this was all Raven knew.  

Lexa just shakes their head in sorrow that they were too late. Raven and Bellamy’s expression were equally bewildered.

Raven was the first to speak, “How did you find me?”

Lexa picks up the girl’s clothes and tosses them to her. “Get dressed. We’re going home.”

Bellamy looks so confused, and Clarke feels sympathy for him. He was clueless and she knew that the boy wanted more than just a one-night stand.

Raven shakes her head as she pulls her naked body from Bellamy and Clarke throws him shirt that is on the ground to cover himself.

“I don’t understand,” he says quietly.

“I know,” Clarke says to him. “Tomorrow, we’ll talk. Right now we need to go home.”

Raven shakes her head again.

“I’m an adult. You can’t make me go anywhere.”

But Lexa says the words that get the girl to put her clothes on and follow them to the car. “You are an adult. But we’re your parents and we are telling you, you need to come home.”

*****

‘Home. I still have a home.’


	41. Chapter 41

Clarke followed Lexa and Raven in the rusted pick-up. Within the Audi, neither body spoke for some time. Both were still attempting to piece together the evening within their own heads.

Raven fought back the tears. She had cried once already; she wasn’t going to do it again. She stared out the passenger side window and wondered if she could do enough damage not to live if she just leapt from the car. But she decided that her life sucks and jumping from a car was not going to make it better. In fact she would probably live and just end up limping for the rest of her life.

“Did you at least use protection tonight?” Lexa asked, breaking the initial silence.

Raven didn’t move, didn’t flinch. ‘No just another way I fucked up my life,’ she thought. She didn’t answer though. She knew that not answering was enough of an answer.

“So, you’re going to run away, get pregnant from Bellamy, and then what?” Lexa asked, clearly angry at the events of the night. Raven reflected that the only time she had seen Lexa angry was when she had caught them against the wall that first night.

“Run.”

“Do you care for him?” Lexa probed.

Raven shrugged. ‘Yes, but he’ll never look at me the same again.’

*****

The radio in the truck was apparently on the fritz because it was just blasting static. Clarke rode behind the Audi, wondering how awesome parent Lexa was doing with their mini-me.

Clarke was relieved that they found Raven, but was bothered at how they found her. She had done the same thing to Bellamy that she had done to her. Came over late at night and attempted to crawl into her bed. Clarke was trying to understand what would cause her to do something like that, and then she too was guilty of the rebound.

She was drunk and hurting and wanted someone to tell her she was worth something through sex.

She had begged Raven to take her all the way.

She had left more marks on the tanned skin than she had fingers.

She was no better than Finn was, because she used Raven to make herself feel better.

‘Who does that to someone else?’ and then, she realized that that someone was her child now. Lexa’s words about her being a friend and not a parent crashed down on her. She saw Raven as girl just like Octavia. ‘I tried to use her, and she was still just a teenager.’

As this realization hit her, so did the fact that she had jumped Lexa at every opportunity. She held her value in Lexa wanting to fuck her.  Finn had hurt her, and she had immediately taken interest in Lexa, with their anti-social behavior and kinky sex appeal. But was she in love with Lexa?

Panic rushed through her as she considered the possibility without Lexa in her life. The ache in her chest told her she must be crazy, but the fear that Lexa was a rebound still frightened her.

Lexa made her instant family come together, providing that second parent that Finn never was around enough to be. They lit up her world, but Clarke couldn’t help but realize that when Lexa had hurt her, she had fallen into bed with Raven.

Her breath steadied and the tears stopped. Clarke finally understood that she and Raven were not as different as Lexa had made it seem. She did not understand what it meant to run away, but she did understand what it meant to weigh one’s worth in their ability to attract someone sexually.

And the more she thought about it the more angry she became at herself.

*****

Both runaways knew what it meant to be so afraid of losing what they created that they would do whatever means necessary to keep it. And that’s how Lexa began the conversation.

“You didn’t have to fall into her bed for her to love you,” they said, knowing that Raven would understand that ‘she’ meant Clarke. They knew that Clarke and Raven’s relationship had haunted Lexa and still at times does. But they had not focused much concern on how Raven felt about it until now.

Raven didn’t say anything, and just wished that Lexa would turn on the music in the car, so that the radio waves could ease the tension of them finding her naked on Bellamy’s dick after leaving because she put herself on Finn’s for three straight years.

Lexa glanced over, and when Raven still didn’t speak, they spoke again, “Raven, people don’t love you because you have sex with them. They love you for who you are. We have never had sex, nor will we ever, and I love you for being you.” The end is almost whispered, because, like Raven, Lexa is afraid of opening up oneself to be loved only for the time proven rejection.

‘Can you love me though?’ Lexa wonders in spite of it all. They glance at the girl, but she doesn’t flinch. Her face is so hard that it scares Lexa. Its scares them because they remember what it took to make it that way. The amount of pain one must go through the be able to mask emotion of any sort.

When she does start to speak though the words came out like a flood, and Lexa can’t do anything but stand by and hope to not get pulled under.

She began, “I just wanted to be like her. Live a perfect life with a perfect boyfriend. But I wasn’t her. I have never been anyone. I have no place in this world. I am a walking fucking advertisement for why they should give drug addicts mandatory hysterectomies. She never wanted me.”

And then, “The first time he met, I asked him why he was helping me and he said his girlfriend taught him about open doors. I stared at her picture on his fucking nightstand for that first year, I was with him. I just wanted to be that happy. And I really convinced myself that I was happy. I had a roof that wasn’t made of metal, I had food in the refrigerator, and I had a man that would kiss me. Tell me he loved me. He was so soft, it wasn’t like the guy my mom tried to give me to for… “

Lexa’s hands gripped the steering wheel until their tan knuckles were white. Anger heated their blood, and they wanted to hurt the woman that had caused her so much pain. Hurt the man that worked with trouble kids and still took their baby to bed.

‘My baby. My kid,’ and the emotions of parenthood washed over Lexa. They understood what Clarke meant earlier when she had told them that they were clueless at how these kids can hurt them. Because its not just the kids that hurt when they run away or the rejection, it is the hurt that is felt for them as they struggle with pain that they as a parent cannot ease with anything more than ‘I’m here, baby.’

And that’s all Lexa says to themself, while Raven smiled a painful mask and shook her head, before she continued.

“He never wanted me either. I went there that night to fuck her, because she had an open door. I needed a place to stay because it had been three years with a roof, and a roof is comfortable. I can spread my legs for a roof at night. But then, I saw the picture of O. She said she had adopted her. She said that she was hers and not Finns. And I thought there was a chance that she could want me too.”

She paused not sure where to go. Lexa just drove.

“But I don’t know how to be someone’s kid. So, I tried to kiss her that first night, but she told me no. At some point she started crying, and I don’t know why but I just wanted to make her better. Because I broke her. I broke the person that opens her door to anyone. How could I do that?” and as though the water in the flood ran dry, Raven stopped talking.

****

Octavia and Lincoln were on the couch with Ryder, when they heard the cars pull up. Octavia hopped the couch, and ran through the door, but when she saw the older girl get out from Lexa’s car, she stood still outside the entry way.

She wanted to run and embrace the girl.

She also wanted to run and punch the girl.

But she didn’t have to move.

“I’m sorry,” Raven said as she made her way into Octavia’s arms and the two embraced. “I was just scared and didn’t want to hear her asking me to leave.”

Octavia held her tightly. The weight of her abuse lifted slightly, as she was no longer the only person in the house that understood being someone’s toy. What it meant to blame herself for someone taking what they thought was love and making it ugly.

When the hug released, Octavia pulled Raven into the house, not waiting for their parents to follow. The teen just wanted to keep Raven close. To hold on to her sister like a lifeline.

*****

Lexa met Clarke at the door to the truck. Clarke had not gotten out right away, still boiling within at her own internal turmoil. When Lexa opened the door, they were met with a wet faced Clarke.

“I took advantage of our daughter. I wanted to drown my pain, and it was the only way I knew how. I understand why she went to Bellamy,” she said in shaky breathes, the image of Raven naked, straddling the confused man flashing through her mind. The shame across her face. She knew that feeling the morning Octavia burst through the door to find Raven in her web.

Looking up at Lexa, she whispered, “How can you love me?” She couldn’t understand how Lexa could know what she did with Raven and still love her.

Lexa’s green eyes are soft, and they answer the real question that is haunting Clarke; the one that haunted them for much of the drive, while Raven spoke of being with Finn and trying to seduce Clarke. “Clarke, I’m not your rebound. I’m in love with you. Not love you because we have sex.”

They reached in and unbuckled the seatbelt that still had the woman strapped in. Taking her arm, they guided her from the car until she was free from the vehicle, and Lexa could wrap their arms around her. They breathed in the gasoline fumes from her blonde hair and felt her tears falling on their neck, where her face was buried.

“I love you, Clarke,” and they feel her nod into their shirt. When she stops shaking and her breath is consistent, she pulls back and looked to the tear stained face of Lexa.

“We have our work cut out for us, don’t we?” she whispered, searching the green eyes for fear, confidence, or hope. And she found all three.

Lexa pressed their lips gently to Clarke’s, before answering, “Yes, babe. We have a lot of work to do with these kids. And the first is to teach them how to show love that is not just by fucking someone. Which means, we need to get you a ball gag.”

And their face lit up in a hug flushed grin, as the blonde pushed them away and landed a weak punch into their shoulder.

“Lexa Trikru! How dare you elude to me being loud!” Clarke screeched.

But neither could hold in the laughter or embarrassed flush of their cheeks when Octavia’s voice announced from within the house, “The whole neighborhood knows you’re a screamer, Mom, and they know that Nontu only goes by Commander in bed. Please come inside, before you alienate me and my sister further!”


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: DO NOT READ AT WORK!!!!!

They managed to make it through the remainder of the week and the weekend, with minimal incidents of emotional upheaval. Clarke found herself in the shower, Monday morning trying to wake up.

She stood facing the showerhead, the water rushing over her. The water is hot, so hot that the steam is filling the large bathroom. Lexa hears the lack of movement in the shower and feels that there is a better way to wake Clarke.

Lexa is extra quiet  as they slip into the bathroom shutting the door behind themselves gently.

They heard the teen moving around, so Lexa locks the door because Octavia is known for bursting in on them, and trying to taco blocko Lexa. They quickly drop the tight boy shorts and pull the soft t-shirt from their body, leaving both on the floor.

Quietly climbing in behind Clarke, they freeze at the sight of the steam radiating from the very wet, blonde. They notice a slight hand print across the woman’s ass and they know they shouldn't be pleased but the memory of Clarke’s moan that followed it heated the apex between their thighs.  They move in behind her, ignoring the burning heat of the water and pressed gentle kisses to her shoulder as they flushed their naked front to her bare back.

Feeling their body behind her, she pushes her ass into them.

“Hey, Babe,” she says still slightly groggy.

Smirking, they place a hand low as possible on her stomach, pressing her back further into them.

“Buenos dias,” they whisper into her ear.

Clarke moans at the Spanish greeting, knowing that the language meant that Lexa may be planning on taking her right here, and it was a place they had yet to make love.

“Have I told you how sexy you sound when you speak to me in Spanish?” she asks.

Kissing their way up Clarke’s neck, before biting down on her pulse and sucking a mark there, passing their tongue over it with their tongue.

“Damn it, Lexa, now I have to do my hair!” she says trying to sound annoyed but her lover's lips felt to good to make it convincing.

“Lo siento,” they say as they pull Clarke head back to face them and Lexa kisses her.

The hand on Clarke’s stomach places more pressure, keeping her in place. While their other hand moves up to palm over her breast, pinching and twisting the nipple gently.

“Stay.”

“Fuck, Lexa,” she exhales, and shivers run down Clarke’s spine. Her back arches as the touch runs from nipple to clit. She can’t help but want more.

Lexa feels the shiver and smiles again, pressing their lips to Clarke’s jaw.

“Queiro cogerte. Just like this, Clarke.”

“I don’t understand, Commander, but I think the answer is yes.”

Their hand moves up to tilt Clarke’s head to the side and kisses her. Nipping at her bottom lips. The hand on their stomach moving down to cup between her legs. Slipping a finger very, very slowly through her folds.

“Oh yes,” she whispers.

Then, “please, Commander.” Clarke pulls at Lexa’s hip to get them closer, digging her fingers into their tanned ass.

“Tell me what you want, Prisa.”

“Please, fuck me, Lexa,” she moans out.

A finger circles around her clit, even more slowly. Lexa hisses, “What was that?”

“Fuck me.”

“Now,” she demands.

“Clarke,” Lexa says loudly.

“Commander,” she says with a slight smile.

Lexa moves their free hand down to gently, very gently scratch over Clarke’s stomach, two fingers pressing within the wet cunt.

Clarke grips the wall of the shower to stay up right.

“More.”

“Harder”

“Please,” she moans.

“mmhmmm.”

Lexa’s arm slips around her waist to help Clarke stay up. But their fingers still inside her, they pinch her hip gently as a reminder.

“Commander,” she says riding the fingers buried within.

“Fuck… me,” she moans loudly, as the heat rose in her chest.

Humming, Lexa moved with a steady rhythm, slipping a third finger in after a few moments, eliciting a heavy moan from the blonde within their grasp.

Clarke moved hand from Lexa’s hip; she twists her nipple, as Lexa’s palm pressed against her clit.

“Did I say you could touch yourself, Prisa?” and the question caused Clarke to drop her hand .

“Commander, please don’t stop,” she begs. Her head lolling back on to Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa kisses her neck at the obedience and moving to replace the hand on her breast with their own twisting.

“mhmmm,” she moans out as her fingers curl against the wall, putting the other hand forward to brace herself.

Upping the pace between her lover’s legs, Lexa curls their fingers and presses against the smooth skin within. Clarkes breathing becomes erratic and she moans loudly. Head falling forward, she pushes her ass further into Lexa.

They bite down again, this time at the juncture between neck and shoulder. Wanting to leave another mark that can be hidden they suck harshly, knowing that it will be there all day.

Lexa rocked forwards to add more pressure with their thrusts. Clarke pushes down harder on the fingers, she feels the heat increase between her thights.

“Commander, I am so close,” she calls out.

“Do you want to cum, Clarke?”

“Soon, yes, Commander,” she begs.

Their hand moves from her breast down to press circles against her clit.

“Fuck me!” she calls out, as Lexa pinches her slightly.

“Ohhh god, yes,” she calls out.

Lexa considers stilling their thrusts but instead shifted their head and spoke sternly to the woman in their grasp, “Clarke, I cannot let you cum if you aren’t good for me.”

“But I’m being good, Commander,” Clarke says pouting some. She pushes down harder again on Lexa’s fingers.

Smirking against her ear, Lexa nips gently. Then they whisper, “So if I told you to stop moving, you’d do that for me?”

“Ohh fuck, Commander, Oh fuck…. Yes, Commander. Anything for you, Commander. Yes, Lek-sa,” Clarke called out.

“Hold still, Prisa,” Lexa instructed as Clarke thrust down again. Her knees fought slightly as her body wanted to thrust again.

Stopping their movements, they pressed fully inside of her.

“Commander, I need more,” the blonde begged.

The fingers of their other hand sped up against her clit.

“I need you, Commander,” she moaned out. “I need you in every fucking way, Commander.” Knees weak, Clarke’s legs begin to shake.

They move inside of her again, slowly, agonizingly slow, but the fingers on her clit pinch again, twisting.

“Fuck me,” she says head falling back again into Lexa.

“Please, Commander,” she begs. “Please let me cum for you.”

Pressing their palm to hold her up against her, they up the pace again, curling fingers inside and pressing.

“Correte, Klark. Cum for me,” Lexa whispers.

“Fuck,” she screams out as the spams ran through her body. She mind going black as stars flashed in her hazing vision.

Their fingers move slowly inside, drawing out the aftershocks as they press gentle kisses to her neck and jaw. Before finally withdrawing. One arm slipping back around Clarke’s waist to help her stay upright.

“Feel more awake?” Lexa asked a small grin tugging up at the corners of their mouth.

“Why do we have to go to work?” Clarke asked, cursing the sky with her fist.

Chuckling slightly, Lexa nuzzled against Clarke’s marked neck.

“Can’t I just stay right here?” Clarke begged, pressing against the body behind her.

“Kids need education… that whole thing,” Lexa states.

“Damn kids,” she hissed in response.

“Yes, but you love those damn kids.”

“Not as much as you being inside of me,” she quips.

Lexa laughs, “I would hope not.” Finally sighing, they pull away slightly. “We need to go. Octavia will probably come pounding on the door any moment.”

“Fucking kids,” Clarke says with a hint of a smile in her tone. Lexa kissed her check and turned her slowly around to give a lingering kiss to her lips.

“I’d offer to stay and shower with you, but I don’t think we’d end up getting out anytime soon.”

Clarke slides a finger into Lexa before they can more. “We don’t have time, but I want this anyways,” she says as she droped to her knees and pressed her tongue to their clit.

Lexa groaned quietly, their hands move to grip her hair, tugging her closer and shifting to lean back against the wall.

“Clarke.”

With one finger in, she pushes her pinky against the delicate ass. Clarke looks up at Lexa and asks, “May I, Commander?”

“Mierda, si Klarke, si,” Lexa says with hooded eyes looking down at the blonde between their legs.

Clarke presses her finger into the soft ass and thrusts softly in both holes as she strokes at Lexa’s clit with her tongue.

“Fuuuckkk.”

Their legs tremble slightly as they rock down. With the rocking, Clarke ads additional power to each thrust and she sucks down on their clit.

“Cogeme, Klark.” Lexa’s fingers tighten in her hair, tugging her closer.

She flicks her tongue fast and pushes in another finger to their cunt.

Thrusting again and again.

“Fuck so close. Make me cum, Klarke.”

Lips around their clit she sucks hard and pushes upward running her fingers n the interior of Lexa.

Tipping their head back to rest against the wall, eyes shut tight.  They shudder, biting down on their own lip to stop a loud shout as their walls tighten around Clarke’s fingers. She slows her thrusts helping Lexa come down from their orgasm.

Finally tugging Clarke away when they grow sensitive. Pulling her up gently before moving their arms around her waist, tugging Clarke close and kissing her deeply. Eyes still closed, chest heavy Lexa tries to pull themself together.

“I love you, Lexa,” Clarke says placing a gentle kiss to Lexa’s neck.

“Te quiero con todo me corason, Clarke,” Lexa answers.

Then the door is jarred by remained locked as the teen hit it hard. They hear her let out and “uff” before she yells out, “Dude, you are making me late to school with your rabbit like habits, Mom!”

And they both just laugh.


	43. Chapter 43

Octavia returns to the living room, where Raven is pulling the waffles from the toaster for the two of them.  She tries not to seem frustrated, but she was becoming annoyed at her parents for continuously focusing on their sexual needs and completely ignoring the fact that their whole world almost collapsed less than a week ago. She was under some new strict anti-sex rule, and she was pretty sure no one had spoke with Raven about what happened when she left or why she went to Bellamy’s dorm room.

“Have they like talked to you at all about last week?” she asked her pseudo-sister.

Raven shook her head and flattened her lips in silence.

Octavia became angry, and Lexa walking smoothly from the master bedroom with a smile on their face did not help the frustration building within her.

“Can we go now?” she said sharply, already holding her backpack, and munching on a waffle with the other hand.

*****

Lexa looked at the teen, and could see the fire in her eyes. It brought Lexa back to the reality of their life. They nodded and the teen moved out the front door, without so much as saying goodbye to Raven.

“We need to talk still,” they say to Raven, and Raven shrugs. They can tell that the woman is not eager to have that conversation.

“When would you like to have said conversation,” but as the words left her mouth, the Audi’s horn blared.

“Tonight, please?” Lexa asks.

Raven nods, “Can it just be you and me?”

The horn blares again.

Lexa looks at the door and then at Raven, “Yeah, kid, you and me. We’ll take a walk.”

Then they walk out to the car to see the teen sitting in the front seat with her arms folded across her chest.

When Lexa opens the door, the teen hisses, “I guess no one in this fucking house cares that I have a god damn test in first period. Everyone is just to busy to care that there are other people in the house.”

Lexa shook their head and crawled into the driver’s side seat.

“We do care, O,” they say, but can tell it is going to be a long drive to school. Leaving Clarke home, after she decided to call in a personal day to speak with Raven alone.

*****

Raven didn’t have to work today, and she was excited that no one was going to be home. She was still processing the previous week. But then she heard Lexa’s car drive away, and she realized that Clarke was still home.

‘Fuck.’

And then Clarke came from the bedroom, wet hair curling up in the increased humidity thanks to the weekend’s storms.

“I’m glad you’re still here,” she says warmly.

‘Fuck!’ bounced through her head. ‘Not yet. I’m not ready yet.’

Raven tried to smile but was relay unsuccessful. She practically whispered, “Are you staying home today?”

And to her disappointment, Clarke nodded.

“I know today is your day off and I just wanted to spend some time you and me,” she says. She approached the girl, who turned to the sink and began washing the breakfast dishes that Octavia had left.

“What do you want to do?” Raven asked.

Clarke stood at the counter looking at the girl and she knew that today was going to be a long day.

Then she said, “You know we are not that different. You went to Bell, just like I went to you.”

*****

Lexa drove, while Octavia played with the radio. Hitting the buttons roughly, switching between the stations every time a commercial comes up. 

“Why are you really mad?” they ask the girl, knowing that there is something she needs to get off her chest.

Octavia glared ahead in silence.

“So… you just going to give me the silent treatment,” Lexa probed, knowing they were probably poking a bear at this point. But it needed to be done. The kid could not go into an exam like this.

“Okay… well I feel like you-“

“Just save it. You have been fucking my mom for like a week straight not caring about anything but yourselves. I’m not in the mood to have touchy feely conversations right now since no one seems to care that we all fucking lost it last week,” she says through gritted teeth.

When Lexa opens their mouth to respond, Octavia continues as though she was waiting for them to try, “And who the fuck are you to tell me I can't fuck Lincoln, when all you have done is fuck since you first stepped foot into my house?”

Lexa swallowed hard.

‘You fucked up,’ the voice within tells them.

They push their hand into their pocket, and pulled out their phone. They hit the speed dial for Clarke.

She answers on the second ring. Lexa doesn't bother with a greeting, just says, “Call O in sick. Her and I need some time please.”

*****

Clarke hears the phone ring, and she looks to Raven who just continues washing the dishes.  The ringtone tells her it is Lexa, so she goes to answer it.

“Hey, babe,” she says. She hears the request and agrees.  After hanging up, she calls the school and let’s the office know that Octavia is not feeling well and will not be in today either, and warned them that Lexa would be calling as well because they too were ill.

When she finished the phone conversation, she turned the phone to silent and returned her attention to Raven, who was now drying her hands.

“You want to have the talk now, huh?” Raven asks, and Clarke nods.

“Yeah, we need to talk, honey.”

Raven swallowed hard and looked at the ceiling, “What do you want to know?”

Clarke knows that Raven is avoiding having to give too much information. This is what she has always done, only answered a question when asked.

“I want you to tell me whatever you feel comfortable talking to me about,” she says and takes a seat at the dining room table, motioning for Raven to join her.

“I need a question,” Raven says sitting down at the table, still refusing to look at the woman across from her. 

“Do you want to still be here with me?” Clarke asks, and braces herself for the possibility that Raven may say no.

*****

Lexa pulled into a Starbucks and got out of the car.

Octavia spit at them, “Why are we here? You hate Starbucks. Just getting something to take back to Momma G so she’ll get back into bed with you?” Lexa didn't miss that Clarke's status was lowered from mom back to the mother stand in. This hurt Lexa, who embraced the blame for Octavia's anger.

But at the same point, Lexa was growing impatient with the disrespect, “You love Starbucks. Get out. We’re not going home for a while.”

Octavia doesn’t move, just sits with her arms folded in the passenger's seat.

“You want to be treated like an adult, but you’re acting like an insolent child and it is getting old,” Lexa practically hisses at the girl. “Really fast.”

The ten still doesn’t move.

Lexa stand still for a while longer, but the frustration rises within them. “Get out of the car, Octavia,” and the command in their voice, forces the girl to listen.

“Coffee will not change me being mad at you,” she says as she moves from the other side of the car towards the building.

‘No, shit,’ Lexa thinks, but they follow the girl in and stand in the very long line that just irritates Lexa more. Why are people so obsessed with this over priced non-sense.

*****

Raven is shocked by the question, and it brings her eyes to Clarke's face. She looks into the blue eyes and can see the fear that Clarke is trying to hide, but the woman does not have a mask. Raven realizes that the blonde is incapable of hiding her emotions.

“Yes,” she answers. Then states, “But I don’t know why you want me.”

“You’re mine. Just as O is mine. I fucked up. I didn’t think and I am no better than Finn is,” she practically whispers. 

It dawns on Raven that Clarke feels like she molested her, took advantage of her, and the understanding almost breaks Raven.

“I wanted you to keep me,” she says, reaching over and taking Clarke’s hand that is resting on the other side of the table.

 Clarke’s eyes welled up.

‘Fuck that didn’t help.’

“Look, Clarke. I want to be adopted. I want to be a part of this family. But I am an adult. I knew what I was doing when I was trying to seduce you. I tried. I tried hard too. I was going to try harder once you were done hurting on Lexa. But Lexa came back, and you chose them.”

She squeezed Clarke’s hand in reassurance, before continuing.

“When you chose her, I was trying to figure out where to go next. I didn't think that you would let me stay. I never wanted you to know about what I did with Finn,” she almost whispered the last part.

Clarke nodded in understanding.

Raven continued to speak, “I wanted to be you. That's why I stayed with him. I wanted to be just like you. So I tried to take him from you. I am so sorry, Clarke.”

Clarke squeezed Raven’s hand, “Please don’t apologize, Raven. He took advantage of you. You were a child and he took advantage of your situation. And if it wasn’t for you knowing about me, you never would have made it here.”

She moved from the chair and wrapped her arms around Raven’s head, pushing her  face into her chest.

“Without you, we wouldn’t have this family. Lexa wouldn’t be here. I would still be marrying Finn. He could have set his eyes on Octavia…”

And Raven’s storage of tears broke. Tears spilling from her eyes as she pressed her face into the warm breasts, grateful to have Clarke.

‘I can do this,’ she thinks as the emotions washed from her.

*****

They sat on the patio, the teen with her feet up on an empty chair. Octavia was still fuming angry and no matter what she did, she couldn’t shake her frustration.

“So, you ready to talk yet?” Lexa probed.

Sucking on the straw to the caramel macchiato, she enjoyed the sweet milk rush over her tongue, having yet to mix the layered drink.

She took a deep breath in, and then exhaled in exasperation.“Its like you two have forgotten we are even there. Raven is broken. My heart hurts, and I just gave him a blow job,” she said probably louder than she should have.

“I know, and I over reacted,” they admit. Pushing their sunglasses up some.

Lexa and her sit in silence for a minute, before Lexa speaks again.

“Its not that you gave Lincoln a blow job, O. Its why you did it,” they start, looking at the teen.

“What do you mean?”

“Well answer me this, why did you feel the need to go down on him that night?”

“He saved Mom. He was like superman,” she said confidently.

“Exactly,” Lexa answers.

Octavia looks at them in confusion and Lexa can see her eyes through the brown lenses.

“You did it to reward him. Not because you wanted to share an intimate moment with him. I want you to have sex with Lincoln when you are ready because it is in the moment and everything feels right.” The girl looks at the drink that is in her hands. 

“Did you feel like doing that before he leapt over a counter for your mom?” they ask.

The girl shakes her head and then wipes her face, where a tear was trying to escape from her eyes.

‘I’m a slut,’ she thinks to herself. 'They think I am a slut.'

“There is nothing wrong with sleeping with your boyfriend, Octavia,” they say taking her hand. “Its just wait until it is right for you both. You don’t need to pay him with sex. He loves you. Like I love your mom. That is special. So special like you are,” they say.

“I thought it was special. Why am I like this?” the kid asks looking at the parent.

“Everyone does things like this, O. Its not because you were raped. It doesn’t make you a slut. Please don't think that is what I am say.”

‘But I am,’ she thinks.

“You are amazing and beautiful. Just be you and when the time comes and you are ready there is no one, including your over protective Nontu, that will stand in your way,” they say.

Octavia jumps from her chair and Lexa stands as the girl embraces her.

‘I can do this.’


	44. Chapter 44

The house had been tense, and Octavia’s frustration was ever apparent. When Abby tried to speak with the girl, she brushed her off; Abby suspected irritated that it was not Clarke or Lexa that was doing the prodding. This is why when Abby found Clarke holding onto Raven after a clearly emotional talk, she just watched the scene from the back door. She didn’t want to intrude on Clarke and Raven’s conversation because she knew that neither of them had acknowledged what had happened last Wednesday.

Clarke was the first to notice her mother, and she gave Abby a weak smile, while she held the tanned girl’s face to her chest. Abby watched her daughter press her lips Raven’s hair and whisper something to her, rubbing her back before, Raven pulled away.

The green shirt that was taught across Clarke’s chest had to distinct wet marks, where Raven’s tears were collected.

Raven looked at them, rubbing her hands over her face, and said, “Sorry, about your shirt. I guess you have an excuse to be salty today.”

Clarke scowled, “That is not the correct usage of that word, Raven. I know I have told you and O that like a billion times.” She threw her hands up in the air.

Looking over at her mom, Clarke asks, “What is wrong with kids today? Making up their own words and expecting English teachers to acknowledge them.” Abby could tell that Clarke was not being serious, rather just trying to lighten the mood.

Abby just smiled, “You did it too, Clarke.”

Raven stayed in her seat and watched as Abby finally made her way to the dining room table an dsat down. “So… are we all good?” she asked hesitantly.

Raven looked at Clarke, who answered, “We are still a family so that’s a start. There is still a lot we need to deal with. Lexa has O somewhere right now, because apparently she had a breakdown on the way to school and is pretty pissed off at me and Lex. “

“She’s mainly mad at you,” Raven said, not looking at Clarke. But Abby looked at Clarke and could see that this was not news to her. And it made since for Octavia to  be more angry with Clarke, since she was the girl’s grounding point that was preoccupied with a new lover.

Clarke exhaled, “I know.”

*****

When their embrace ended, Octavia and Lexa returned to their seats. It was really too hot to be sitting outside of Starbucks in Arizona during the end of May, but the interior was too loud, and it was clear that both had more they needed to say.

Lexa sipped on the unsweetened iced coffee, which admittedly was not as bad as they though it would be. Octavia was waiting for Lexa to begin the next conversation topic, because she was scared of pushing Lexa, and Lexa running away.

When Lexa spoke, Octavia swore they must have ESP, because Lexa hit right on the topic that she was really bugging her.

“Want to talk about your mom?” Lexa asks while they stare out over the traffic from the drive-thru.

 Octavia sips at the now bitter portion of her drink, having consumed a majority of the milky sweetness. Setting the cup down, she twirls it on the table.

The girl chooses her words carefully, “I don’t know how to say this. But I feel like everything is just changing sooooo fast.”

She looks as Lexa, who is still watching the parking lot movement.

“I mean it wasn’t even two months ago that she was lying in bed, crying over the fact that Finn was never home. Then that Finn was fucking another girl. And then you showed up.” She is getting on a role, as the words continue to flow out, but she watches the stoic brunette for any indication that they are going to run away.

“ Which, look, I know that you two love each other and it is the best thing for both of you. But its like when you two are together. No one else exists. Not me. Not Raven. And it’s like all you guys care about is fucking,” Lexa’s eyes fall to the ground and Octavia pauses for a minute.

“It just sucks. I am so use to her being mine. And within a month, it’s like she is yours, and I am the side line kid. Just like whenever my mom got a new boyfriend.”

When the words fell out, Octavia realized why she had been so angry since that first day that Lexa told Clarke they were taking her out on a date and she caught them on the porch together.  

‘She’s just like my mom,’ the girl thinks.

She looks at Lexa again, who is now facing her, with their elbows on the table and fingers laced. Octavia can’t see their eyes through the blacked out lenses, and she wish she could harness the ESP powers of Lexa at this moment, as her inner monologue begged, ‘Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave.’

*****

Clarke looked at Raven knowingly. She knew that she had been a lousy parent over the past few weeks. She had internalized all of the faults and just smiled through Octavia’s antics and outbursts, but since Lexa had called her on the fact that she was trying to be a friend, she had begun noticing all the ways that she let Octavia run the house.

‘You need to get things under control,’ she told herself. Because slowly but surely, she had given Lexa control over her, over her child, and over her home. And she flat out didn’t like it any more.

Frustration grew within her, as she realized that Lexa was out with Octavia now, being the parent she should be. But rather than being grateful that Lexa was stepping up to be a parent, Clarke became frustrated that Lexa was stepping into her territory.

‘Lexa gets control in bed. The rest is supposed to be mine,’ she chastises herself for releasing this to Lexa.

*****

Lexa takes off their sunglasses and looks as the girl, who also leans into the table. The mimicking of body language demonstrates that she is open to the discussion, which is good.

“You know you are her whole world right?” Lexa asks .

“But, right now I’m not. You are,” she responds flatly back.

Lexa takes a deep breath, as they think, “Clarke is my whole world. But can I be hers already?”

Octavia doesn’t wait for Lexa to respond, instead she continues to speak, “You are all she thinks about. She is wrapped up into you, and she is letting you have so much power over her, over everything. Its weird. Because she just doesn’t do that.”

Lexa nodded as they reflected again on how during the last two weeks; it was them that had worked to open up the girls over the past few week.  Them that had run the house and the heavy conversations. And they realized that when Clarke comes to this conclusion, she is probably going to lose her damn mind.

“She’s going to be very upset when she figures that out,” Lexa whispers out loud this time for Octavia to hear that they are listening to her.

“Yes, and then we are back in this chaos again, of if you’re going to stay or leave,” Octavia said, holding nothing back.  “And if you leave, will Raven leave. Raven sees you as her mother, gender or no gender. Things with Mom, they’re going to be weird for a while, and Raven chose to back you.”

Lexa swallowed the girl’s fears and realized that the kid was way more intuitive than someone her own age. They don’t say anything, and Lexa figured that the  silence made the girl uncomfortable, because she kept talking.

“I need to ask something. And its going to be awkward.”

Lexa watches as Octavia takes her sunglasses off and holds them in her hands. Her voice is barely audible against the traffic. Lexa can tell already they don’t like where this is going, but they nod for her to continue.

“I know what happens in your guys bedroom is between you. But I need to understand why do you hit her?”

‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How does she know that?’

*****

Abby could see the anger rising in Clarke as the heat flushed her skin. She was trying to clean the counter, but really just kept rubbing the same spot in a circle, staring out the back window as though the rest of the room was vacant.

‘Don’t do it, Clarke,’ Abby begged as she watched her daughter do what her daughter does best. Get angry and try to hold onto control of everything around her.

But this was not why Abby had come into the house. She had come to speak with Raven, about what her best friend Callie was able to uncover about Raven’s past. Abby had called Callie, begging for the woman, who was still a doctor, to make a few calls to the local hospitals and locate any information on a Raven Reyes, born twenty years prior.

Luckily for Raven, there had been few baby girls that were born during the year 1995 with the same name; in fact there were one three. What the unlucky part was, there were no children born during 1995 under the name Raven Reyes.

“Clarke, come sit down,” the mother says, calling Clarke from her frustrated understandings.

“What’s up, Mom?” Clarke said not moving from her spot, but turning her attention to the Abby, who was sitting at the table across from Raven.

“It’s about Raven’s birth certificate,” and Clarke moved to sit next to the girl and held Raven’s left hand between her own.

Abby waited as Raven and Clarke prepared themselves. Once they were settled, she spoke, “Raven, I had a friend look into records at the local hospitals. What I found was that there were three children born the same year as you, but none have your last name. Do you know if your last name was different when you were a child?”

“Um, I don’t know really anything. My mom’s name was Liliana. Her last name was Reyes and she never told me mine was different,” Raven answered. Abby could tell by the baffled look in her eyes that the girl was searching for any recollection.

She reached over and took Raven’s other hand, and said softly, ‘Its okay, Lilana helps. Because now we know we are looking for a person named Lilana that gave  birth to baby in 1995 named Raven. See these details help.” She shook the hand a little. “You’re doing great, Raven”

Raven looked as her and smiled, but her face dropped suddenly, as she pulled her hands from the Griffin women’s grip, put them over her mouth and ran to the bathroom.

Clarke looked at Abby in panic, as Abby followed with her eyes the girl leaving the room.

“Is she sick?” Abby asked, but as her eyes met Clarke’s. The blue orbs were wide and fearful. Abby thought carefully and her brown eyes turned just as frightened. Each woman trying to remember in the weeks that they had lived with the girl, if she had had a period.

“You don’t think she maybe… pregnant do you?” Abby asked as she heard the girl in the bathroom vomiting.

Clarke couldn’t speak, just looked at her mother and hoped that the girl was not pregnant with Bellamy’s baby.

Or worse, Finn’s.

*****

Lexa swallowed, looking at Octavia, who still had not backed away.

“O, I don’t know…” they began but didn’t know what the say.

“I don’t get it. You are all heart-eyes for each other, and then I hear you two through the walls. It I swear I have heard her crying out as though you are hitting her and she is asking for forgiveness. Is it like BDSM or something? And why would you guys do that?”

Lexa ran through their mind, trying to figure out how to answer Octavia’s question. Or even if they should.

Finally, they hold up a finger to the girl and she watches as Lexa pulls out their phone. Lexa watches Octavia and she can tell the Lexa is trying to call Clarke. ‘They are losing control, and don’t know what to do,’ she tells herself.

When no one answers, Lexa pushes the end button and shakes their head. Then look back at the teen. The green eyes were scared and angry, shifting in color that amazing Octavia. She couldn’t deny that Lexa Trikru was beautiful and it was no wonder Clarke was head over heels for them.

‘But why would she let them beat her?’ that was the real question. And, ‘What kind of love is that?’

“I would really rather your mom and I have this conversation with you,” Lexa answers, but then continues seeing Octavia’s face scrunch in irritation. “But I know you want an answer now. So, yes it is a form of BDSM. And we have careful rules to ensure her safety as well as my own. The why is more complicated?”

Octavia stared at Lexa, trying to decide what to say. After a few moment, she whispered, “Do you like to hurt her?”

Lexa shook their head, and Octavia could see the honesty in the green eyes. This made it possible for her to breathe easier. Lexa answered after a few minutes, “I like to be in control, your mother gives that to me when we are intimate.”

Then they add after a few moments, “ I would prefer you and Lincoln not practice the type of intimacy that we share… because I would like you to learn the gentler sides of love making before you decide you need more extreme forms of sex.”

Octavia nodded, but didn’t say anything.

The silence afforded Lexa the opportunity to ask question, “O, why didn’t you ask your mom this question?”

*****

‘FUCK! God damn it! Fuck!’ the internal rant of explicates flowed throughout Clarke’s mind. ‘Fuck’

Abby was in the bathroom, holding Raven’s hair from her face. She had been praising the porcelain god for a good fifteen minutes. Abby said if she didn’t stop soon, they would be taking her to the hospital because it may be something more serious.

Clarke returned to the bedroom and found her phone on the bed. Seeing she had a missed called from Lexa, she swiped to the right over Lexa’s name and the phone began to dial and ring.

They answered on the second ring, “Hey, Prisa.”

*****

Octavia didn’t have a chance to answer, because Lexa’s phone rang. Lexa looked at Octavia who nodded permission for them to answer.

“Hey, Prisa,” and the name made Octavia’s stomach churn. She only heard that through the wall, and it bothered her that Clarke was asking Lexa to hit her. Or at least she assumed Lexa was hitting her.

‘But you don’t know for sure,’ she thought. And then, ‘You haven’t seen any marks on her other than the occasional hickey that she tried hard to hide.”

“Okay, we’re on our way,” she hears Lexa say, after Clarke has been speaking for a while. Lexa put on their sunglasses, and Octavia realizes that something is wrong because Lexa had just secured her mask back on their face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Raven’s sick,” is all Lexa says as they lead back to the car.

Once inside, Lexa hits the power button and then blasts the AC.  “O, I don’t want you to think that we go behind our bedroom door and I beat her. That is not the case. I do promise you we are going to start being much quieter though.”

Octavia couldn’t help but crack the joke, “Tell her to beat you for a while. At least your coochie calls are in Spanish and then it just sounds like a bad telenovela, instead of a horror flick.”

Lexa laughed and stated, “She is really loud.”

“Like wake the dead loud,” the teen quips. “She may be the catalyst for the walking dead or something. And then you would be left trying to save the world or just yourself,”

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like to give warnings unless it is to tell you not to read this at work, but I feel the need to warn that while this chapter does have a "happy" ending, there is a flashback from Octavia's childhood that may be a trigger for some readers, so proceed with caution.

Abby helped Raven to bed, after the contents of her stomach were emptied. Stroking her hair, Abby placed a cold cloth on the girl’s head. She didn’t have a fever, which was a good sign that she didn’t have an infection, but a bad indication that she may be with child.

“Honey, did you use any form of birth control when you were with Finn? Condoms?” she asked quietly, trying not to push the girl.

Raven whispered, “He didn’t like the feel of them he said.”

“Maybe the pill?”

She shook her head, and Abby figured that she wouldn’t have had access.

Abby nodded in understanding, but internally her stomach churned, and rage increased within. She made a mental note to contact Marcus to ensure that Finn received the harshest penalty possible.

“Okay, baby,” she said, “I need you to rest right now. There is a Gatorade right there.” She pointed to the small dresser. “Please drink it.”

Raven nodded.

Abby left the room, closing the door mostly.

In the living room, she found Clarke.

The blonde sat in the large armchair just staring at the blank television.

“Clarke.”

“How could he do that?” she asked her mother. “How could he take advantage of her?”

“Is that what is really bothering you?” Abby asked. Then, “Or is it that he went to her when he had you?”

Clarke’s cold stare turned to immediate rage as she shifted her gaze to her mother. Abby could tell that Clarke was on the verge of a blow up and she realized that poking at her may not be the wisest idea, but she felt it was better her than one of the girls or Lexa.

“Come on, Clarke,” she started. “We both know you have dealt with worse shit with Octavia, than Raven sleeping with Finn. This is about you.”

“You’re right, Mother,” the blonde hissed. “This is about me. Me not being good enough to keep Finn home and not out fucking another girl. A teenager, that was homeless offered him more than me. And then, I let someone else into my home that just takes over and shows me that not only was a shitty partner, but a shitty parent too.”

Clarke pushes herself up as she continues.

“I mean what the fuck is wrong with me? I meet this guy, and I just let him into my life, and don’t notice that he is a fucking child molester. How fucking oblivious am I? And then I just Uhaul with the person that shows interest in me.”

Abby’s eyes go wide. She takes in her daughter’s erratic hand movements and how her voice was steadily elevating. She had seen this Clarke when she left home at eighteen to live with her then boyfriend Wells, after they had fought over her chosen career path. Clarke never returned home for another break, following the argument. Abby knew that if she could not diffuse the situation that Clarke would push Lexa away due to her own insecurities.

‘Shit. Shit. Shit. Don’t do this, Clarke.’

Abby went to her daughter and held her arms, looking into the fiery blue eyes.

“This is not about Lexa. And Finn didn’t fuck that girl because you were not enough. He is disturbed and made shitty choices.”

When Clarke didn’t say anything, Abby continued, “You have an amazing thing going with Lexa. That… person loves you more than that fucking pervert was ever capable of. Don’t blow it because you’re angry and insecure. But don’t fuck this up with Lexa. Let Lexa help you. You don’t try to do this on your own.”

“I was fine on my own,” Clarke spit at her.

“No you weren’t. You were insecure and kept that man around because you were scared to be alone. But you don’t have to be afraid of being alone, but you also don't have to be alone, because you have Lexa. And this family needs you, but Lexa is part of this family. So cut your bullshit and drop the control issues.”

Clarke’s eyes well up, which pulls at Abby’s heart.

“Lexa is good for you. Is good for this family. Letting them be a parent is good, because these girls need more than just you.”

Clarke tumbles into her mom, her tears falling on to her mother’s chest. Abby kissed the top of the girl’s head, breathing in the coconut shampoo.

After a significant embrace, Clarke whispered, “What are we going to do?”

“We are going to support these girls. You and Lexa are going to parent these girls, and be the parents that they need,” she said as she rubbed her daughter’s back. “While, me… I’m going to be a grandmother and spoil those two brats mercilessly to make you being a parent that much more difficult.”

Clarke snorted as she broke her sobs with a hearty laugh, “I’m so glad you’re here, Mom.”

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

*****

Lexa pulled into the Walgreens with Octavia. Looking at the teen, they wondered if they should tell her about Raven. The girl was absorbed in her cell phone.

“O, I need to run in and get somethings for Raven. Do you want to come?” Lexa asked, deciding that they would tell the girl, if she decided to go into the store to buy the pregnancy test that Clarke had asked them to stop for.

Octavia shook her head, and reached into the bag, pulling out her green headphones and plugging them into the phone, “I’m good. I’ll wait here.”

Lexa nodded, leaving the engine running with the air blowing, they went into the store.

Lexa made their way to the pregnancy tests and looked at the shelves of boxes.

‘Why are there so many of them!’ they shouted internally.

Picking up the first blue box, they read the label promising the fastest results. In the other hand, they picked up the pink box.

‘They all say the same thing.’

Lexa examined the other boxes on the shelf, not able to make heads or tails of which one they are suppose to purchase.

‘Why did this have to my job?’ they asked the ceiling of the store.

They must have been in the store too long, because as Lexa stood in the aisle still holding the blue and pink boxes, Octavia found them.

“Are you serious?” she whispered, looking at Lexa. “Please tell me Raven is not pregnant.”

Lexa looked over to see the teen’s bewildered face.

“I don’t know, O,” They held up the boxes to the teen. “And it’s taking us even longer to find out because Clarkes sent ME. ME! To pick up a pregnancy test.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, and stated, “It’s not rocket science, Nontu.” Turning to look at the large selection, she too picked up the blue box. “This one says results five days faster. Then she looked at a purple box that claimed to be 99.9% accurate after the first day of a missed menstrual cycle.

Looking up at Lexa, Octavia asked, “When was she suppose to have her period.”

Lexa threw their arms in the air once again, “How the hell am I suppose to know that O? She’s your sister!”

“And she’s your daughter,” the teen threw back at them.

They both absorbed the words of the other, before Octavia burst into giggles, “We are one fucked up family.”

Lexa laughed too, then looked at the shelves again. Making an executive decision, Lexa began to grab one of each box, pushing them into Octavia’s hands.

“We’ll let your mom and grandma figure out which one she needs to pee on,” they say. Before pointing the teen with her arms filled with pregnancy tests to the front of the store.

Octavia looks back at Lexa, mouth open, “You have got to be kidding me. I have to walk through the store with pee sticks?”

Lexa smirked, and stated, “You want to have sex? You need to be prepared to carry your own pee stick.”

“Umm, Raven had sex and she is not here to carry her own pee stick,” the teen says seriously.

Lexa realized the fault in their temporary logic, and shrugged. Pointing forward, the teen huffed and followed in the direction indicated.

“You suck right now,” she hissed as they stood in life.

Lexa said, “I’m good with that.”

*****

Walking into the house, Lexa and Octavia dropped the white plastic bags filled with pregnancy tests on the dining room table. Clarke and Abby were still in the living room. Clarke took in her partner and daughter, and the bags that were placed on the table.

“You know she only needs to pee on one, maybe two,” she said, trying hard not to laugh at the two.

Octavia and Lexa looked at Clarke, then each grabbed a bag and dumped the contents on the table. Clarke was amazed to see the various colored boxes.

Octavia was the first to speak, “You sent a non-binary and a teenager to pick out a pee stick. How the hell were we suppose to know what to get?”

Lexa shrugged in agreement with the teen, then stated, “There are too many options.”

Clarke walked to the table and picked up the blue box and without even looking at it stated, “This one is the best.”

Octavia gagged, holding up a hand to her mouth and a hand in the air at Clarke, “Nope, don’t want to know why you know that.”

Lexa, on the other hand, looked as though someone slapped them. Clarke looked at them, “What, I was with a man for three years, of course there were a few scares.”

As the words came out, Raven came from her bedroom and took the box from Clarke’s hands. Looking at the box, she said, “Yep, these are the best. They have the widest pee strip.”

Lexa’s bewilderment could not be masked, and Clarke could not help but feel bad that Lexa had to hear their daughter and partner acknowledge the best pregnancy test from scares by the same man.

She moved to Lexa and wrapped her arms around Lexa. Pressing her lips to Lexa’s ear, she whispered, “Don’t worry, baby, we’ll get through this.”

Holding Clarke close, they watch as Raven retreated down the hall to the bathroom with the blue box. They squeezed Clarke tighter, frightened for the girl.

“How long does it take?” they whisper to Clarke.

“Three minutes,” she answers, and they nod.

*****

Raven paces the living room, as the other members of the family each own their own position on the couches. Her stomach still ached, and really she just wanted to crawl back into bed.

“How much longer,” Octavia asked, looking at Abby who they had made the timekeeper.

“One more minute.”

Octavia wrung her hands leaning forward, and returned her gaze to the floor. Raven watched the girl as she paced back in her direction.

“Did you ever have to do this?” and as the question came out, she regretted it. But rather than sparking the teen in anger, the girl just shook her head.

“No,” she whispered, still looking at the ground. “I wouldn’t have known what to do any ways. I was only 14.”

No one said anything, but Raven saw a flash of fury cross Lexa’s face and they pulled Clarke into them, when she glanced in their direction.

“Its time,” Abby said quietly.

And Raven froze, knowing that her future may be about the change.

*****

Octavia couldn’t look up. She knew that if she did, she would see the sadness in everyone’s face, and she hated that look.

She was raped. She knew that, ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m broken.’

 

_The classroom was empting for the day. It was last period and Octavia was putting away her things, moving slower than usual. Her body ached, and she was exhausted. Looking around the room, she watched as the last of her classmates left the colorful room._

_Griffin was occupied at her desk, shuffling through the chaos scattered across her desk._

_“Where the fu….” the teacher paused as she realized that Octavia was still in the room. “Sorry, Octavia, I tend to lose my filter at the end of the day.”_

_She just nodded at the blonde woman, studying her carefully. She had been in this room for the past six months, watching as Griffin habitually encouraged them to advocate for themselves._

_‘What does she know?’ the girl thought, knowing that advocating for herself would just get her called a liar. But the woman was there. She promised to be there for them. But Octavia didn't feel that she was ready yet._

_Picking up her backpack, she moved from her chair. The ache in her lower body caused her to move slowly, as she proceeded from the door._

_Griffin must have taken notice of her; maybe she limped, or maybe she just exhibited an unsual energy. But the teacher moved from her desk and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder._

_Octavia halted, her shoulders scrunched up as she jumped from the touch, arms coming up to block her face. Looking back at the woman, she realized her mistake, as shock and sadness crossed the woman’s face. She had blown her cover by being jumpy._

_They didn’t speak. But the woman wrapped her arms around the girl, and the girl fell into the embrace. With her arms around her, she whispered, “Is someone hurting you, Octavia?”_

_And the girl released the flood of emotions she held within._

_With tears pouring from her eyes, Griffin led her to the chair behind her desk. They sat there as the girl cried and the teacher held her hand. Griffin didn't push. She sat patiently, the room silent but for the sniffles and occasional cries from fourteen year old._

_It took an hour, but when Octavia started to speak, the words didn’t stop._

_She meant to just talk about missing her mom; to tell her about how her brother was never home again._

_But she couldn’t stop talking once she started._

_Clutching the chair she sat in, Octavia told the teacher of when he started touching her "accidentally". And then she told her of how last year he came home drunk and claimed to mistake her bed for his and her for her mother._

_And then how he continued, even when he wasn’t drunk._

_She said that he told her she was damaged goods, so it’s not like it mattered anymore._

_And that she just couldn't fight it anymore, because she was broken._

_When she ran out of words, Griffin held her tightly. And when they couldn't hold each other anymore, she held the girl's head in her hands and told her, "_ _You are not broken. You are a survivor and you will never have to survive that again.”_

 

Abby walked with Raven towards the bathroom. When they turned down the hall, Octavia moved from her spot towards Clarke and Lexa. Seeing the approaching teen, Clarke moved over, giving Octavia a spot between her and Lexa. The teen took the seat without question and felt as both her parents wrapped their arms around her.

As the comfort of safety filled the girl, through the their warm arms, she thought, ‘I’m not broken, because I don't have to survive anything.’

*****

“I can’t look,” Raven whispered as her and Abby stood in the bathroom doorway, staring at the two pee sticks laying face down.

Abby nodded and proceeded into the bathroom. Flipping the first one, she read the digital screen. Then she flipped the second one, and read it’s screen too.

Raven watched her face in the mirror, trying to read the stone faced expression. Abby turned to the girl and smiled.

“They’re both negative.”

Raven didn’t have words, but wrapped her arms around Abby. Waves of emotional relief washed over her.

‘Negative.’

Abby’s hand stroked the back of her head, and she cried tears of joy for being able to move on with her life.

 ‘I’m done with him. Forever.’

The moment ended, as Abby pulled the girl’s head from her shoulder, and said, “Now we need to figure out what is making you sick though.”

And Raven nodded, smiling in spite of the ache in her stomach.

*****

The three sat on the couch embracing each other, as the chocolate haired girl came from around the corner with Abby. The smile on the two women’s faces told the other three all they needed to know.

Octavia was the first one from the couch and wrapped her arms around her sister. Raven reciprocated the hug, feeling Octavia’s muscular arms practically crushing her thin rib cage. She felt the teen share in her relief, and then heard her say, “We’re not broken, Raven. We’re going to be okay, because we're not alone anymore.”

Clarke held on to Lexa, nuzzling her face into the dark brown curls.

‘Yeah, we’re not broken,’ Clarke thought. ‘We’re just getting started.’


	46. Chapter 46

While Raven was feeling more relieved at the knowledge that she wasn’t pregnant, that did not stop the pain in her stomach from radiating in irritation. Clarke stood in the bedroom doorway, watching as Abby leaned over her, pressing on various areas of her abdomen. Nothing was tender; she just didn’t feel well. She had been tired for the past few weeks, finding various foods in the house to upset her stomach when eaten in large portions and that morning she had consumed three ego waffles and an apple.

Abby sighed, as the she felt around Raven’s exposed ribs, “Okay, so I think I know what is wrong.”

Raven nodded, bracing herself for the worst possible news, ‘Maybe it’s cancer or liver failure. I have been drinking a lot of the vodka in the freezer.’

“Malnutrition,” the doctor stated simply as she pulled the girl’s shirt down.

Clarke studied Raven’s face, looking for any indication as to why the girl was not eating, hoping beyond hope that she was not anorexic.

 Seeing Clarke’s exanimating gaze, made her shift her unsubstantial weight uneasily. “What? I eat! I’m not some starving kid,” she said rather defensively.

Abby realized that Raven did not understand there is more to nutrition that just eating a meal a day. And after watching the girl for weeks, it was clear that she did not eat like she should.

“Yes, but you don’t eat enough of the right foods, and honestly, you don’t eat enough period,” Abby responded. “I should not be able to see everyone of your ribs protruding from her chest.”

Raven looked away, thinking about all of the food she had consumed under Clarke’s roof without helping out. It bothered her that she did not contribute to the house, so she was doing what she could to be as little of a burden as possible.

 “Raven, we have plenty of food. Do we not have what you like to eat?” the blonde asked, moving into the room to sit on the bed with her mother.

Raven shook her head, “No, everything is amazing. I just don’t want to burden you with another mouth to feed.” Feeling the embarrassment rise in her. She hadn’t felt hungry, because it was that was a sensation she learned to block out after a month on the street.

What Raven didn’t expect was to watch Clarke roll her eyes or hear the words, “not you too,” come out of the blonde’s mouth.

Abby looked at her daughter, and then heard Lexa laugh from the hallway. Puzzled as to what Clarke meant, both brown eyed women looked at each other and then to the door where they heard Lexa approaching

They didn’t enter, just leaned in the doorway with a goofy smile on their face. Taking in their confused faces, Lexa just stated, “Raven eat. We can afford it. Also, don’t get Mom started on money. She’s sensitive about the subject. Just know we can feed you and not feel the, quote, burden of another mouth to feed.”

Clarke rolled her eyes again and Abby took her turn to laugh. She knew how Clarke was about money. She had more than anyone would ever know because she worked hard and had been well taken care of through Jake’s insurance policy; but she was also super defensive about people questioning her ability to financially afford her lifestyle on a teacher’s salary.

Raven just looked at them, becoming slightly annoyed, argued defensively, “Still, I can contribute. I work hard and I make a decent income.”

Clarke quit smiling and for the second time in the last week recognized a similiarity between them. Raven needed to feel independent, and through finances she achieved that feeling. She nodded at the girl trying to find a way to let the girl contribute to the house without giving up what she felt was her right to and responsibility to provide as a parent.

Looking back at Lexa for possible guidance, she watched as her partner held up her hands in submission, with a look that told Clarke that they are not getting involved in this conversation.

After some thought, she answered the only way she knew how, “You want to be my kid you have to let me feed you, house you, and put clothes on your back. Speaking of which we need to go shopping so you stop stealing my clothes. But I have a suggestion for what you can use your money for.”

“And that is?” Raven asked folding her arms over her chest.

Clarke smiled, “Trade school. I want you to get your certification so you can work for a real wage.”

Raven thought for a minute and then nodded in agreement.

Lexa laughed again, shifting all of the focus to them, through the laughter, they said, “And if you want to be my kid you will never make me take you shopping for clothes, just ask me for the cash, please.”

Raven looked at them, not sure what to say. She just looked back and forth between them. They were offering her a real life, after everything. And it started to sink in that they really did want her to stay. She wondered if she could learn to be taken care of. She had never been in this situation before and the unfamiliarity still irked her some.

Before she could respond, Octavia came into the room at an almost jog and launched herself into the bed next to Raven, “Did I hear shopping? I like shopping!”

Turning to Abby, Clarke said, “So what do we have to do to get her healthy?”

*****  
Later when the blazing Arizona sun set behind the distant mountains, the heat from the day still radiated from the ground. After the girls were in bed and all of the lights were off in Abby’s studio, Lexa and Clarke were seated in the Jacuzzi. Each was sipping from a plastic cup of wine. Thus far they had talked about meaningless nonsense, put the conversation with Octavia from earlier was weighing on Lexa.

After a substantial moment of silence, Lexa spoke, “So, O asked me if we are into BDSM today.”

Clarke reflexively spit out the wine that she had just taken into her mouth and looked at Lexa. She sputtered, “she what?”

“She asked if I beat you when we have sex. Apparently she can hear us through the walls”

Clarke turned away from Lexa, her face scarlet from the embarrassment. She whispered, “What did you tell her?”

“Yes, and that you and I would talk with her about it later,” they said, taking another sip from their plastic cup. “She thinks that I beat you and she doesn’t understand why we would do something like that.”

Clarke looked at the star freckled sky and found Orion. Begging for some guidance on how to handle this situation, she just exhaled deeply, as Lexa continued, “She also told me you are going to push me out of the house when you decide that I am taking over control.”

Clarke’s gaze fell and she instead took to staring at the water, knowing that what Octavia had said was true. Hell, she had been at the point earlier today.

Lexa could see the tension in their partner’s body, so they reached over and gently began massaging the pale shoulders. They felt as Clarke began to relax into their touch, wondering if that moment of pushing them away was now.

Pushing their thumb into the knots in her shoulder blades, they hoped to release the one that could be telling Clarke enough is enough.

“Clarke, I am not trying to take control over the house. This is your house and I am just trying to find my place,” they said quietly. Lexa hoped that by calling it her house instead of our house would help give Clarke back that sense of control that she may be feeling she was losing.

Clarke sighed deeply, and answered shakely, “I know, Lex. I just feel like I am not being the mom I am suppose to be right now. Like, why didn’t Octavia ask me about the whole sex thing?”

Lexa laughed a little uncomfortably, “Hun, I wish she had asked you. She had been frustrated with us both and our, her words, ‘rabbit like tendencies.’”

At that, Clarke laughed too and picked up her cup again. Taking another drink, she thought about the last few weeks.

“We really have been fucking like rabbits,” she answered, and the heat rose in her chest.

Lexa nodded and thought, ‘Yes, I don’t really want to stop. I don’t want to leave. Please don't ask me to leave.’

As Lexa begged their internal plea, Clarke considered the time they have spent together. “We moved really fast, didn’t we?” she asked.

Lexa froze as they tried to build up a cement wall around their heart, knowing that Clarke could say next that she made mistake and that they were just the rebound from Finn.

‘Please don’t ask me to leave.’

Clarke turned back to look at Lexa, since their hands stopped working at the knots in her shoulders. Her blue eyes were pained in the dimly lit pool lighting, and it caused the fear to rise in them, as their heart beat against the wall, crumbling what minimal defense they could build.

‘No. No. No.’

But then, Clarke moved into Lexa and placed her head on to their shoulder. She didn’t say anything, just pressed against them. Placing her hand on her lover’s heart she could feel it racing and understood that she was significantly stressing them out and need to choose her words carefully so that Lexa did not leave right then and there.

Finally, she whispered as she watched the water bubble from the jets, “Lex, I love you. And I need to learn to let you be an equal parent in this house.”

‘Equal parent. Can’t be an equal parent if she kicks me out. She isn’t asking me to leave.’

And Lexa’s heart beat faster, because Clarke was not asking them to leave. Clarke was asking them to say.

Lexa pressed their lips to the blonde curls. Unsure of what to say, they just let the woman speak.

“I have never had someone that wanted to be here. Just to be with me,” she said. “I feel like I have always carried this house, and tried to be two parents for O. I am just struggling with the fact that they want to talk to you.”And then, after a deep breath, “instead of me.”

Lexa found their voice then, and confidently tried to push away the woman’s fears, “You are the ultimate mom, Clarke. I could never be their mother. I think honestly that Raven just connects with me because we are both new and that she was hiding the story about Finn from you. But remember she came here for you. She stayed for you. And O. I think O is learning what it means not to be an only child. Was she jealous of Finn?”

Clarke laughed as she said, “Oh my god, yes! The girl was a demon for the first year; doing and saying everything she could to push him away. I swear she saved her tantrums for when he was around. But I just looked at her behavior as a challenge, and I never turn down a challenge.”

Lexa laughed too at this new knowledge, thankful that they had not had to deal with that version of the teen. Also, they made a mental note to play with this competitive Clarke that could not back down from a challenge.

When the laugher died down, Lexa asked, “Clarke, what do I need to do to make you feel more comfortable with me?”

Clarke looked up at the questioning green eyes, and she could sense that Lexa was worried about their relationship. Shifting positions, so that she was straddling them, she placed her hands on Lexa’s cheeks, as their hands found her hips. The touch caused her body to shiver, but she snapped back into focus quickly.

“Lex, I need you to do what you are doing. You have been amazing. It is just an adjustment for me. I need to learn how to share my life, my kid… kids,” she corrected before continuing. “We need to keep talking like this?”

Lexa nodded, eyes searching Clarke’s for any hesitancy.

“You still want me though?” they asked.

Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s for a moment, and whispered, “Yes, Lexa Trikru. I want you in every way.”

After a few minutes of snuggling and kissing, Clarke pulls back, “So let’s talk about sex.”

Lexa’s pupils grew at the mention of the word and they pressed their fingers gently into Clarke’s hips, eliciting a wonderful moan that made them want to take her right there in the pool full Commander style. They were strapped under their board shorts, and it would be easy to just slide into her. After all this was a place they had yet to be intimate.

But Clarke’s eyes went from horney to serious.

“What are we going to tell the teen?” and all of the horney tension was ripped from their body as they realized that they still had to explain some G rated version of BDSM to the teen.

‘Damn you kid,’ they cursed internally, as they released their grip on the blonde and took another sip of their wine.

“Can I just let you handle this one, Clarke? I mean you’re super mom and all,” they ask innocently.

But Clarke shook her blonde curls aggressively, “Nope! You wanted to be a parent so now we get to explain why Nontu spanks Mommy before bed a few nights a week.”

Lexa almost chokes on their drink and thinks, ‘Vanilla. Vanilla until the kids go off to college.’

*****

Lincoln came over that evening. No one had noticed him enter the house. He had spied Lexa and Clarke in the pool through the back window, so he took the chance that Octavia would be alone, and in her room.

When he tapped lightly on the door, he heard her bid him a muffled, “Come in.”

She was laying on her bed, in clothes that really didn’t cover much, reading the book _Unwind._ He smiled when she looked up from the text and her surprised eyes met his.

They didn’t really say anything, before she jumped into his arms. Following the embrace, their tongues began to dance against each other.

Pulling back from the kiss, she could see the full adoration in his eyes, and it just made her want him. But Lexa’s words echoed through her head to wait until the moment was right.

“So about last week,” she started and he nodded knowingly. He took a seat on her bed, after closing the door softly behind him.

“We don’t have to do it again, babe,” he said wanting her to feel nothing but safe with him, though parts of his body argued with him.

She sighed in relief at how patient he was with her, and then spoke honestly to him, “I don’t want to make you think that I don’t want you. But I just want to make sure that we are doing it for the right reasons and that we are being safe about it.”

He nodded, knowing that he while he wanted to marry her someday and start a family, he did not want to do so at seventeen.

She kissed him softly, then said, “But I did enjoy seeing you… so… excited.”

He chuckled, as she slid atop him in the same position her mother was on Lexa outside.  

At the contact, he began to feel slightly aroused, “Bae, you always have me excited. And you know you didn’t have to…”

She nodded, as she kissed his neck, “But I wanted to.”

He felt himself get harder at her words, and the growth was almost painful as he remembered her lips around him. “Fuck, babe, you are making it difficult to see straight right now.”

And she laughed, pushing down on him more, moving her hips against him. He moaned at the movement, pressing into her harder, knowing that just this could easily set him off.

“O, you have to get off me,” he whispered because he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable if she kept moving and he blew his load right there in his pants.

She shook her head, and moved into him harder. She whispered to him, “Oh, no, sir. I still want to enjoy feeling you.”

His face blushed, and he pulled her into him harder and connected their lips. His mind wandered to what she would taste like, as they kissed.

‘Someday.’

He was getting closer and it was getting harder to control himself. He squeezed her ass, wishing that he could just slid his hand into her tight shorts and send her into her own orgasm. Then it crossed his mind that she may have never had one before, and this would be something he could be her first at, and it make him even more excited.

 “I love you, Lincoln,” she said softly, as she rolled her hips over his clothed erection..

“I love you too, Octavia,” he said teeth gritted, as he tried to control himself.

The pressure becoming too much for him, he rolled the girl off him, so her back was to the bed. Their kisses deepened, and after a period that should hold a record into Rigley’s Book of World Records, he pulled away for air.

“We need to slow down,” he breathed out weakly, his groin aching from the pressure.

She nodded, but ran her fingertips up hi bicep. He shuttered at the touch, and moved and pressed a kiss to the girl’s neck.

“Lincoln, I don’t want to go all the way until I talk with my mom about the pill. But I don’t mind if we do start moving forward,” she whispered as his tongue ran against the spot on her collarbone that he had just marked.

He pulled up and looked at her, wondering if she was giving him permission to touch her. He ran his fingers across her thigh and she pushed her chin back as she let out a soft moan.

“Is this okay?” he asked as his finger trailed up to the inner seam of her shorts, and she nodded.

Then she whispered, “more, please.”

His finger continued to the place that she wanted him most and he gently grazed the thin fabric that was too wet for her to be wearing underwear.

The sensation of the wet heat, in combination of the pleasurable noise that exited the girl’s lips, made his cock jump. He pressed his lips to the cleavage that was pressing out just over her tight tank top, and his palm to her center. Rubbing against the fabric, she moaned more, arching into him.  

“God, Lincoln, that feels so good,” he smiled at her words and kissed the upper part of her breast again. Running his hand back down until it reached the base of her shorts, he paused running it against the bare skin, waiting for permission.

Looking down at him, she nodded, and overly eager, he moved his hand up her shorts to find her wet lips. Caressing the tip of his index finger against them, he moaned at how wet she was.

“Please,” she whispered, and he didn’t need further instructions. Slowly, he moved his finger within her, and he watched as her back arched.

“Fuck,” she exhaled, as he trailed his finger over her clit and to her entrance. Pausing there until she said, “Yes.”

Entering her was like a dream come true. Feeling her wet heat embrace the single digit, he swallowed her increased moans with kisses, as he increased the pace and pressure. Using his thumb to rub her clit, he felt her tightening around his finger, as her fingers dug into his shoulder. He ground his pelvis into the bed.

When she climaxed, so did he, unable contain his excitement for pleasuring her.

*****

Lexa and Clarke moved into the house towards the kitchen. As they passed the hallway, they both heard a deep moan and the words, “holy fuck,” come from the teen’s room. Clarke looked at Lexa, blue eyes bewildered at the sounds coming from the teen’s bedroom.

“Should we?” Clarke asked, but Lexa shook their head, knowing that they did not want to go and knock on the door.

“Whatever is going on, I am assuming that was the conclusion of it,” Lexa almost whispered.

Clarke moved to the kitchen and peeked out the window. She could see Lincoln’s truck parked in front of the house, and fear rose in her stomach that maybe they would not be returning the stock in pregnancy tests the two had bought earlier that day.

Lexa saw as Raven exited her bedroom, and they all looked at each other knowingly. Raven still looked weak, but her color was better. Abby had forced the girl to eat chicken soup, and crackers three times already and she was craving something more solid.

Turning her focus to the kitchen and particularly the pantry. She searched through the cabinet for a granola bar.

She didn’t need to look at either parent to know they were trying to decide if they should go back and talk with teen and kick the boy out. “They’re done,” she said. Then she added, “but I don’t think they had sex sex.”

Lexa breathed out in relief, but Clarke just looked at the girl questioningly, not wanting to really know how she knew that they were not having sex sex, but just some other type of sex.

‘What the hell is the difference between sex sex and sex?’ Clarke asked herself, and then followed up with another question. ‘Is she talking to everyone but me?’

Raven answered the unasked question. “I was in the bathroom when I heard O tell him that she wasn't ready to go all the way. We really need sound proofing in this house, by the way.”

This time Clarke breathed out and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Lexa, who gave a weak smile. She assumed that it was Lexa’s talk from earlier that day that caused the teen to slow down.

Without warning, Lexa laughed loudly. It was an awkward laugh that caused the two women to look at them. And then, they put their hands up in the air, staring at the ceiling they shouted, “Why did I have to have daughters?”

This caused the other two to laugh as well. When the laughter died down, the back bedroom door opened quietly and a smiling, yet embarrassed, teen walked from the room with the large boy behind her. When he saw the three women in the open living area, his face flushed and he looked to the ground.

Lexa stared at him, their eyes attempting to laser through him. Clarke could see the fury rising in Lexa, and she moved to where her partner stood. Holding onto Lexa’s arm, she moved to position her body between the green eyed person and her daughter.

“So… we are going to talk about this later. Right now I am going to preserve Lincoln’s life and take Lexa to bed.” Looking at Lincoln, she asked, “I can assume you can find your way home and not back into O’s bed?”

Octavia flushed and for the first time her face looked apologetic, “We didn’t…”

Clarke waved her hand stopping the girl, “You don’t have to apologize or feel guilty but we need to talk safety… but not tonight.”

The teen nodded and Raven smiled, proud of how Clarke managed to handle the girl have sex, not sex sex but still sex, and keep Lincoln from getting murdered by Lexa; who honestly looked as though they could launch a danger and hit the poor boy in the groin, severing his dick from his body. As the image flashed in her mind, she laughed, shifting everyone’s gaze to her.

Looking at the boy, she exclaimed, “Dude, run. Like fast. The Commander has a grip of knives and I am concerned for your safety.” And without another word, she ran into her own bedroom as fast as her weak legs could take her, before she too could suffer for letting Lincoln do whatever it was that he was doing to her.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre warning: I will be on vacation next week, so probably no updates.

When Raven ran from the room, Octavia quickly grabbed Lincoln by the hand and took him to his truck. The parents could see the girl saying goodbye to the boy at his truck, and when she leaned in for a kiss, Lexa’s eyes were so hard, and it appeared that steam was about to burst from their ears any minute. Clarke took a deep breath and realized that she was witnessing an angry Lexa for the first time.

‘Well this is new,’ she thought, and came to the next realization it would be best to get her in the room before the teen made it back in the house.

“How could she?” Lexa hissed as Clarke literally pushed them through the bedroom door and closed it behind them. Lexa’s face was red with fury, as they turned to look at Clarke.

Clarke just shook her head, standing between Lexa and the door, she said, “Lex, baby, I need you to calm down.”

Clarke’s words had the opposite affect, though and instead of getting quieter, they screamed when they heard the front door closed, “WE JUST TALKED ABOUT HER WAITING AND SHE AGREED WITH ME!”

Clarke pulled Lexa into her embrace trying to get them to regain their control. “Lexa, this is how it goes. They are young and they make their own choices. They look you in the eyes and tell you one thing and two hours later they are doing the exact opposite. But they think they have found a loop whole through what you said.”

Lexa looked in the blue eyes that were nothing but concerned for them, they glared back, “Why did I even waste my time?”

And at the mention of time, Clarke’s body pulsed with fear. The blonde though, ‘Please don’t leave.’

She held on tighter to the angry body, hoping that she could find away to calm down. When their eyes still raged, Clarke wished she could know what internal monologue was raging through their normally cool head.

She whispered to her partner, “Baby, let’s take a shower and cool off some.”

But internally she thought, ‘If they’re naked they can’t run out the door.’

Lexa didn’t move, so Clarke carefully pulled the bikini string at the their back so it undid, and then the top string, dropping the small top. Moving to the pants, she undid those as well, and pulled them down. Seeing the strap, she smiled wishing that Octavia hadn’t relied them up because otherwise she could have been enjoying this instead of trying to keep Lexa from bolting from their lives.

“Come on, baby,” she whispered as she dropped her own top, then her bottoms. As Lexa’s angry glare shifted to Clarke’s body a sense of shame washed through the blonde, “Fuck, I am doing the same thing that Raven did.’ But she didn’t stop, instead took her partner’s hand and led them into the bathroom.

*****

Raven was the first person back in her room. She heard Octavia come in and then she heard Lexa yelling in the bedroom.

‘Fuck, they’re angry.’

She laid back on her bed, and checked the phone. The screen showed another text from Bellamy. She had avoided all communication with him since Lexa and Clarke had caught them together. Even though no one was around, her face flushed with shame at her on behavior.

‘Why do you have to be such a whore?’

Looking at the messages, she read through all of Bellamy’s words.

 **Hot Brother:** Hey, when are you going to let me take you out?

 **Hot Brother:** So, how about Friday? We can go have dinner.

 **Hot Brother:** Don't take this wrong but I didn’t want just a one-night stand

 **Hot Brother:** Are you okay?

 **Hot Brother:** Did I do something wrong?

 **Hot Brother:** Are you grounded?

 **Hot Brother:** You know your phone is set so I can see when you read a message. Why aren't you talking to me?

 **Hot Brother:** Was it that bad?

 **Hot Brother** : If it was just a one time thing just tell me and I will leave you alone.

 **Hot Brother:** I care about you.

 **Hot Brother:** Raven.

 **Hot Brother:** Okay, that’s it I’m texting O.

‘Fuck!’ and she through the phone on the bed. She hadn’t had the chance to tell Octavia about what happened last Wednesday. She watched the fan oscillate in slow circles.

That’s a lie though; she had avoided telling Octavia about last Wednesday.

The movement of the fan began to relax her, but she couldn’t sleep. She picked the phone back up and started to type a response, but deleted it.

When she set it back down, the phone buzzed again.

 **Hot Brother:** The three dots told me you were going to say something. Please talk to me.

*****

The luke warm water washed over Lexa’s body. They stood with their arms outstretched, palms pressed against the wall with the showerhead. Clarke’s body pressed warmly against their back, and they welcomed her touch even though, they could still feel the anger pumping through their arteries. 

Finally they spoke, and this time the tone was less fueled for fire and more sorrowful, “How could she do that?”

Clarke wrapped her arms around their waist, speaking softly, she said, “Its not the first time she has done something like this, and I hate to think that it won’t be the last.”

“I just want her to be safe,” they say turning and wrapping their arms around the blonde’s neck. Her skin was covered in pale goose bumps, from only being misted by the water, while the air conditioning pumped through the house.

Clarke looks up at them, “It sounds like she was being safe though. And Lexa this is where we need to talk before we blow up.” She sees the anger flash in Lexa’s eyes again, this time aimed at her.

“You have every reason to be angry, but if you rage at her like that she won’t come talk to you about the hard stuff,” and she watches as Lexa nods in understanding and her eyes fell in defeat.

“It's a losing battle isn’t it?” they say.

Clarke shakes her head, “No. You won. She didn’t have sex. I mean it may have been oral, it may have been just been a finger. But Lexa, you won because that kid told him she wasn’t ready.”

Lexa just looked at Clarke again, and she continued to explain, “When O first started high school, she was being assaulted regularly… and she thought that was her role in life. So when a boy showed interest in her, she would go all the way. I knew there was something wrong before she came to talk with me because Lincoln came to me. He was worried about her, and I knew that boy cared about her. He still does.”

“But Clarke they are minors having sex under our roof,” Lexa almost whined, and this made Clarke laugh.

“But, Lexa, they are not having get pregnant sex. And to be honest, I did a lot worse when I was her age. Didn’t you?”

Lexa looked at Clarke, and it was then that Clarke realized Lexa was too busy surviving to be experimenting at seventeen.

*****

Octavia had resumed her place on her bed with her book. It wasn’t assigned reading, but it was a book that Clarke spoke of often, making the concept intriguing to the teen.

She had heard Lexa yelling, and guilt ran through her for allowing Lincoln to touch her. She had just talked with Lexa that day and promised to make better choices.

‘What the fuck is wrong with me?’ and then, ‘What id they leave because I can’t be everything they want?’

Trying to avoid the thoughts that were clouding her head, she turned her attention back to the book, but was once again interrupted. This time not rather than a knock on the door, it was by a text from Bellamy.

 **BabyBell:** Hey is everything okay with Raven?

 **Octavia:** Yeah, why? The scratches are all healed.

 **BabyBell:** I haven’t heard from her since they came to pick her up last Wed.

Octavia: she was with you last Wednesday?

 **BabyBell:** Yeah and then your parental unit showed up and told her she had to go home like she ran away or something.

Octavia looked at the phone, reading Bellamy’s message a few times, trying to make sense of it. ‘Raven was with him and he didn’t know she ran away. What was she doin… Oh fuck!’

 Not bothering to respond, she moved from her room, leaving the book abandoned once again to lose her page as if closed itself on the unmade bed. Making her way down the hallways she could see that the Raven’s light was still on as it illuminated portions of the hallway. Pushing the door in she saw Raven sitting in bed holding Clarke’s iPad. Her ears were covered with the beats that Lexa gave her, and she was clearly focused on the movie playing.

It took a few moments for Raven to notice that Octavia was standing in the doorway watching her. When she did, the thin frame jumped and then smiled as she pulled the head phones from her head.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked the teen, but Octavia could see the guilty look cross her face.

Octavia moved into the room and laid down on the bed, as Raven moved closer to the wall, so that the teen had room.

“So Bellamy just text me,” she said her aqua eyes watching for Raven’s reaction, who surprisingly didn’t flinch, but Octavia swore she saw a glimpse of sadness cross her sister’s eyes.

Raven asked, “How is he?”

“Confused,” the girl answered and after a second asked the question. “Did you have sex with my brother?”

Raven didn’t say anything just nodded. Octavia watched as a tear slid down her face. Reaching over she gently wiped away the tear. She whispered to the girl, “Why are you crying?”

And Raven broke again today, “I just fucked it all up. I really liked him, but I needed a place to go so I went to his room and I seduced him. Just like I seduced Clarke.” Octavia realized that Raven always referred to their Mom as Clarke when she was talking about that first week.

Octavia pushed her forehead to Raven’s, and asked, “Do you like him?”

Raven whispered, “yes,” through her tears. Then, “A lot.”

Octavia rolled over, the hot air being expelled from Raven’s throat ruined her attempt at having that cute sister moment.

‘Yeah, that movie shit is bull; they don’t tell you people’s breath fucking stinks,’ she smiles at her own internal thoughts, but then remember that Raven was crying next to her.

“Then just text him,” she says simply, wondering why Raven was making such a big deal out of it.

The other girl sobbed harder, “Its not that easy, O. I already messed things up. He is going to think it is all about sex with me. And Mom and Nontu they like walked in while I was… and Nontu… their face was just so disappointed.”

Octavia laughed at the tension this time, “Dude, they caught me twice now. The first time giving Lincoln head, and the second time tonight.”

Raven laughed, “but they just know what you were doing, they walked in on my full naked ass siting on…” Octavia pressed her had to Raven’s mouth. Her expression a mixture of pain and nausea.

“If you don’t want me to puke on you, you will not tell me what position you were in,” she stated simply.

Raven pulled her hand away, “You just told me you gave Lincoln a blow job and he fingered you, but I cant tell you that I…” and the hand was back.

“That’s my brother,” the girl said sternly.

“Annhn mm yousss sssissser,” Raven answered, Octavia’s hand still covering her mouth.

Octavia didn’t pulled away, so Raven licked it. Like full tongue licked it.

When the hand was pulled away, as the teen made a gagging noise, Raven said, “ And I’m your sister, so if I have to listen to you literally orgasm, then you get to hear about me and your brother.”

Octavia dry heaved, “Please anything else.”

Raven laughed, and said, “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”

Looking at the ceiling her mind wondered to the conversation she had begun with Lexa earlier that day. She bit her lip, wondering if she should ask, but curiosity took over her.

*****

They got out the shower, and Clarke pulled the first towel handing it to Lexa. They looked at it and shook their head.

“What?” the frizzy haired blonde asked.

Lexa pointed to the towel, “That’s your towel. I want mine.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open. After a second, she said, “Lex, you will lick my ass but you won’t use the same towel as me?”

Lexa stook their head, “Nope, that’s like sharing a toothbrush. It’s gross.”

Clarke could not believe they were being serious. She looked at the towel in her other hand, that Lexa was waiting for. She took it and ran up her crocth and then held it out to her partner with a look of pure challenge. Lexa’s lips scrunched and they shook their head again.

“Nope, now I need a new one,” they said as they shook their head more.

“Are you fucking serious?” Clarke practically yelled.

Lexa pushed their shoulder’s back and stated, “Yes. I like a clean towel.”

“I’m pretty sure you just called my vag dirty,” and this time an eyebrow shot up from the blonde.

“Ummm… no,” Lexa stammered.

“Next you’re going to call me fat, and that rabbit like sex is done,” the blonde said sharply as she moved into the closet and came back with a new towel, throwing it at Lexa, hitting them in the face.

Lexa rolled their eyes, “No, Clarke, I would never call you fat. I love all your curves.”

The smile on their face, told Clarke that curves was another word for fat.

“You are so not getting laid tonight, Commander.”

And Lexa pouted, “But babe, I wanted to try something new.”

Clarke shook her head and dried herself off.

“Nope. You ruined it,” but the smile on the blonde’s face, gave Lexa a hint that if they played their card right then they may still have a chance tonight.

*****

“What do you know about BDSM?” she asked.

Raven looked over at her, hoping that this was not a new focus for the teen. She had been on the other end of a controlling relationship with Finn and it was not pleasant from her experiences.

“Enough to know that I don’t fit into any of those categories,” she answered.

Octavia watched the ceiling fan rotating clockwise, the air burning her eyes. She didn’t understand and she knew that Lexa told her Clarke and them would answer her question, but she felt that they would give her a G-rated version and she really wanted to understand.

“Mom and Nontu are into it,” she said. And something flashed across Raven’s face. “What?”

“That must have been where he got it from,” she whispered, and for a second Octavia was confused. But then she understood, but then she also realized that it may mean her mom was the one that instigated the “play.”

“Do you think Finn broke her? I mean what makes someone like it?” she probed further, hoping that this was something she could blame on him as though it was wrong.

Raven shook her head, and turned to also watch the fan.

“Dunno, kid. For Finn it was like he enjoyed thinking he was in control. I was not a fan because when we did it, he would look for reasons to ‘punish’ me,” she said, even adding the air quotes around the word punish.

“I hear Mom, egging them on sometimes, and then Nontu like barks something at her. It creeps me out, because I thought sex was suppose to be about love. I mean that is the big lecture I got today,” the girl reflected.

Raven rolls back over and hugs the girl. Deciding what to say, she finally asks, “Does Mom seem unhappy about the situation?”

Octavia looked at Raven, but she couldn’t answer because she honestly didn’t know what to think. “She seems happy, but what if she is faking it like I did so no one would know what was going on?”

Raven shook her head, “O, Clarke is a freak. This is one of those things you want to put your hand over my mouth before I over share. Not to mention, Lexa is like super safety and talk about the situation. So I am sure they have discussed all the things they needed to in order to be safe together.”

Octavia nodded, and cuddled into Raven’s arms. Raven held the girl and hoped that their talk helped the girl become more at ease with the parental units sex life, but she honestly wasn’t sure.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ AT WORK

Tuesday and Wednesday flew past. By Thursday, Octavia and Lexa some how found a common ground that involved nods and little words other than “okay” and “understood.” Raven and Clarke were laughing and back to the way things were before the Finn fiasco. And Abby, well Abby was trying to figure out a new purpose in life.

That evening, the family gathered around the dinner table. Octavia shared that she made up her exam from Monday and she aced it, and thanked Lexa for giving her the day to calm down. Lexa nodded and smiled, and Clarke was grateful that the tension between the two was settling down. Raven said that she started to look into trade schools, but she found she needed to get her GED in order to be eligible. Clarke said she knew of a great program that would help her out at the local YMCA that she was involved with and would get her the information.

Abby watched the way that Lexa watched Clarke as she spoke to the girls, the green eyes so soft and she decided she wanted to give the two adults some alone time.

When the conversation calmed as everyone began to dig into the barbequed pork chops and vegetables, she announced, “I was thinking that, girls, if you’re not busy we could all go on a spa retreat this weekend that I have been looking into.”

Octavia and Raven’s eyes lit up, the teen being the first to respond, “Like really. Like massages and stuff?”

Abby smiled and nodded, shifting her gaze to Clarke who smiled proudly. The blonde said, “That would be really nice time for you all.” Then, Abby watched as Clarke turned her gaze to Lexa, who also smiled knowing that this meant they would have the house to themselves for an entire weekend.

*****

After school on Friday, Abby left in the Prius with the girls. Clarke and Lexa returned home to a silent house and just stood in the kitchen for a few moments after dropping their stuff.

“It’s so quiet,” Lexa commented, as they reached down to pet the dog that was wagging her tail profusely trying to get attention.

Clarke moved closer to Lexa, pressing her body into the ass of her partner that was bent over petting the dog. “I am sure we can find a way to make some noise,” she said softly, running her hand down Lexa’s spine. Lexa didn’t move, just enjoyed the woman’s caress.

“So what do you want to do, babe?” Clarke asked innocently.

Lexa stood up slowly, feeling Clarke’s arms wrap around them and begin to unbutton the top that they were wearing. Even though the air conditioning was pumping in cool air, Lexa could feel the heat rising, and there was still a place they wanted to have the blonde.

Pulling from Clarke’s grip, Lexa moves towards the back door, dropping clothes as they go. Clarke watches to see Lexa remove everything but the thin-banded strap at their waste and thighs. Her mouth is wide, as Lexa opens the backdoor and walks to the pool, diving straight in.

‘Fuck!’ she thinks, but follows Lexa out.

When Lexa breaks the surface of the water, their brown curls clung to their face and spread out around the surface of the water. Looking up at the still clothed Clarke, they state in a low voice, “Well, are you coming in? Or am I just going to have to come and get you?”

Clarke considers the challenge; she could strip quickly or make a naked Lexa chase her. While the second option seems exciting, she was too turned on to prolong feeling Lexa fill her. So within seconds, her shirt was off, shoes kicked to the side, and pant with panties, yanked down.

Lexa laughed at the woman’s eagerness, and Clarke paused for a minute as the hot Arizona sun beat down on her pale skin.

When Clarke doesn’t move right away, Lexa says with serious eyes, “Ven aquí, Clarke. Quiero estar dentro de tí.”

Clarke blushed, having no idea what Lexa just said, but knowing that Spanish equals sex caused the blonde to run to the edge of the pool and jump into the cool water. The temperature caused her nipples to perk immediately, and before she could finish brushing her hair from her face, Lexa’s arms were around her. She felt their lips on her neck, and she moaned, her body arching into the kiss.

“Lexa, I fucking love you,” she breathes out as fingers play with her left nipple.

Lexa’s lips move up her neck, and they whisper, “Te amo también, Clarke.

"Me encanta coger tú. Voy a cogerte.”

Clarke moans at the words, as Lexa pulls her legs around them. Walking them to the edge of the pool, Lexa pushes Clarke’s back to the wall, and with minimal pressure enters Clarke.

She answers with a moan, as Lexa uses the wall for leverage, thrusting agonizingly slowly within her. Clarke’s hips match their motions, and they smiled because they know that she wants them to move faster, but they want to torture her some, so they halt their movements and just hold the body up with their hips and silicon dick. Looking into the blue eyes, they whisper, “You are so perfect, Clarke. I just want to spend sometime in you.”

They slide out a little and push back again, eliciting a throating groan from the woman in their arms.

“Fuck, Lexi. I’m yours. Please fuck me.”

Lexa smiles and again slowly they pull out and push gently back in. Clarke’s hip thrust down, as she crashes her lips to theirs. She is begging Lexa for more, but Lexa again moves slowly, taking a nipple in one hand and carefully twisting it at a slow pace.

“Lexa,” she breathed out, and then, “please.”

The woman’s eyes were closed as the sensation of her nipple traveled down her body towards her clit. Leaning back, so that Lexa could have easier access, she placed her arms against the hot tile ledge.

Seeing her brace herself, Lexa thrusts within her and gathers a quicker rhythm. This elicits more loan sounds from her, each making Lexa smile and push harder into the smooth cunt.

“Oh god…” and her hands come off the tile, threading into Lexa’s hair.

“Fuck me,” this time one is on their neck and pulling at them to kiss her.

“Don’t stop,” and she is holding on to them as she rolls her hips into them.

“Lexa, I’m so close,” and they move a finger to the exposed clit.

“Fuck!” and this time the volume is so loud Lexa wonder’s if they have lost hearing in that ear.

They rub harder on the nerve ending, and thrust in farther.

“Lexa. I’m going to…” but the blonde doesn’t finish her sentence, as her walls clamp down around the toy, and she clings to Lexa.

Pressing their lips to hers, they feel as she begins to come down. She pulls from the kiss for air.

“Fuck,” she whispers, looking into the almost black eyes. “You are so amazing.”

Lexa laughs, still filling the woman, “Babe, I’m just getting started.”

Clarke laughs as she feels Lexa thrust within her again and the blonde’s cunt welcomes them. Lexa pulls Clarke back from the wall, pulling themself from within her, but not releasing their grip on her waist.

They move to the ledge in the deeper end of the pool. Clarke is impressed at Lexa’s ability to navigate them through the water.

She expects Lexa to push her onto the ledge, but instead is surprised to see Lexa sit back and pull Clarke onto their lap.

Lexa smiles at her, as they place their hands on her hips. The toy is moving slightly with the water, rubbing lightly against Clarke’s still swollen clit. They hold the woman in place and just gaze over her body.

They say, “Te toca, Clarke. Quiero mirarte sírvase ti mismo.”

Clarke looks at them questioningly, wishing that she could understand what Lexa said. Knowing that Clarke didn’t understand,  and refusing to tell her in English what they said, Lexa pulled at her hips until the toy was full against her clit.

Beginning to understand, she shifts her hips up and slides down on the cock, her body pulsing at the returned sensation.

Lexa kneads that her hip bones as they watch the blonde arch back some, and slowly roll her hips into them, taking every last inch of them. The pressure on the dick, pushes into Lexa pleasantly and they feel their own clit being stimulated as Clarke moves on them. They move their hands to her ass, and grip her cheeks, as she continues to slowly move in a small circle, thrusting herself up and down.

“Me paseo,” they say, feeling her increase her thrusting.

Watching her, they feel themselves coming close to the edge. The woman’s breasts bouncing softly in their face, as she lets out moan after moan. Clarke’s hand moves down her mostly dry top and slides to the tip of her cunt. She looks to Lexa, as though she is asking permission even though they are not in commander mode right now.

Lexa nods, and watches as Clarke reaches her middle finger into her folds. As the finger starts to move, Clarke’s rhythm increases, putting more pressure on Lexa.

They feel their stomach knotting, and raise a hand to rub the blonde’s erect nipple. Twisitng it, they see her throw her head back.

“Fuck me, Lexa,” she says repeatedly.

Lexa smiles, because in reality, Clarke is fucking them, and it feels so fucking amazing as the woman they love is moving up and down.

They are practically hypnotized by her movements, but it breaks when Clarke looks into their eyes and moans softly, “May I cum, Commander.”

Lexa can’t even answer as they fall over the edge at the request, their body moving at its own will, except the hands that hold Clarke in place.

At the sound of Lexa, Clarke too falls over her own edge, pushing into her lover as she loses control, holding onto Lexa’s shoulders to maintain her balance.

They rest for a few moments, Clarke peppering Lexa’s skin with kisses. When Lexa pulls back they see the flushed tone to Clarke’s skin and realized that the blonde should not be out in the sun this long without sunscreen. They press their lips to hers and say, “Let’s go inside before you turn into Prisa de Tomates.”

*****

They eat quickly that night, after Clarke makes a simple meal of Mac and Cheese and heats up left over pork chops. It takes no time, before the two are back in the bedroom. Clarke excuses herself briefly to the closet where she finds the bag she was hiding form Lexa, after her and Raven’s shopping trip.

She leaves the closet to find Lexa on the bed, staring at her new lingerie. The corset was a simple silky blue, and the thigh-high tights were black netted material attached to the top piece with four little straps. Her cunt was completely exposed.

Lexa stared at the blonde, but really how can they not stare really, slowly sitting up on their elbows, not even caring about being blatant.

“Guapísima,” they whisper.

Clarke smiles almost shyly, but she knows that she is hot right now.

She holds her arms up in a mild shrug, “I just figured we have the house all to ourselves.”

Lexa just grinned slightly, but it's tempered by this want. They want Clarke. So badly. But not in the same way as wanting to take her, not right now. They want release. Want Clarke to give them that release.

“Prisa, I want you to do something.”

Clarke makes her way to the edge of the bed, reaching out for Lexa, she says, "Anything."

Lexa sat up fully, and reached for the strap on they’d cleaned while Clarke was in the closet. Playing with the strap, a little nervous, before stilling and stealing their nerves. They state, "I want you to fuck me, Clarke."

Meeting Clarke's gaze head on, they were not sure what to expect.

Clarke looked at Lexa and smiled. This was a new side of Lexa, and it was almost vulnerable.

“Of course, Lex," she said but then, "umm, I am going to need some guidance.”

Lexa offering her this little smile and shifting to sit at the edge of the bed, tugging Clarke closer and leaning up for a kiss.

"Of course, Prisa."

Clarke kissed Lexa deeply, running her tongue against Lexa's lips begging for entrance

Lexa granting it, sucking on her tongue, before pulling away to nip at her bottom lip and tug gently.Then they pulled back and adjusting the straps, before they gestured for Clarke to take a small step back and step into the strap. She follows Lexa's instructions, and before long she is standing there fully dolled up, looking down at the dick.

She smiled thinking that this was pretty awesome, but then she thought about all of the time that she had spent with Lexa and within Lexa had been with a single digit.

She wondered, and rather than just let it rest, she asked, "Lex, is this your first time?"

Lexa's eyes are on Clarke's face as they give a tug to make sure things are secure. Seeing the smile drop slightly and tilting their head. The question catches them off guard and they lean back, swallowing.

Clarke becomes concerned that she overstepped as Lexa's face tenses slightly.

"Yes," they say, almost leaving it at that, but shaking their head, knowing they need to continue. "You're the first person I've... trusted this much."

Clarke couldn't contain herself, she leans down and catches Lexa's lips in a gentle yet sloppy kiss.

"I love you, Lexa. And if it makes you feel better," she signals to the cock protruding from her cunt, "this is my first time too."

Lexa kisses her back, one hand lifting to cup Clarke's cheek. A small laugh leaves them, feeling more relaxed at the comment.

"Well then it will be a new experience for both of us, Clarke."

They kiss again softly. Clarke ran her fingers down Lexa's arms, knowing that since this was their first time should would need to take extra time building them up as to not hurt them.

Lexa shivers from the touch, losing themself in the kiss first, Then, in the fact that Clarke was so willing to do this and that they could feel open enough to ask for it.

Clarke pushes Lexa back onto the bed gently and trails kisses down their neck, stopping to nibble on each perked nipple; then making her way down their toned abs to their folds.

Running her tongue on their lips, she can taste their wetness and it is amazing

One hand slipped into Clarke's hair, gripping gently; the other tightly gripping the comforter.

"Clarke," the name falling from their mouth breathlessly as they arch further. "Joder."

Clarke presses her tongue between the folds, believing that that word means 'fuck me.' She runs it along the clit and then proceeds down to Lexa's entrance. Pushing in the tight opening, she strokes the interior walls, as Lexa's wetness coats her chin. She moves her hand up and using her thumb she gently applies pressure to the swollen clit.

Thoughts leave Lexa's mind, all they can do is feel Clarke pressed up against them, inside of them. "Cogeme, sí. Clarke." Fingers tightening in her hair, feeling warmth pooling low in their stomach.

Feeling Lexa’s body fluidly moving with hers, she moves her mouth up to Lexa’s clit and inserts the normal single digit within.

After a few thrusts, she adds a second, this time spreading them within Lexa with each thrust, hoping to open them up more.

After several moments and many Spanish expletives, Clarke pulls back from Lexa and nods her head up to tell Lexa to move up on the bed. To Clarke’s surprise, Lexa follows her instructions. As they become comfortable in the center of the bed, Clarke positions herself between Lexa’s thighs.

Looking up at the gorgeous green eyes, she whispers, “Tell me if I’m hurting you, please.”

Lexa nods and Clarke presses forward carefully, guiding the tip of the toy to Lexa’s entrance. She studies Lexa’s face, as she moves to push the tip within. As it breaks the entrance, Lexa’s eyes grow wide at first and then they close them taking a deep breath. Clarke holds still allowing them to get use the foreign body within.

After a few moments, Lexa’s eyes open and meet Clarke's. With a gentle nod, Lexa tells Clarke to continue. Clarke presses in more this time pressing her lips to Lexa’s at the same time.

Lexa moans into the kiss as they wrap their legs around Clarke’s hips. Clarke pulls out a little and then presses back in. This gathered another deep moan from the body under her. Clarke smiled at the sound and gradually she began to find her rhythm. Lexa slowly matched Clarke’s gentle thrusts, and was pleasantly surprise to find how Clarke’s position rubbed against their clit, sending electricity through their body.

“Cogeme, Prisa,” they began to beg, causing Clarke to thrust with more vigor.

Lexa wrapped their arms around Clarke’s neck, as they met each thrust. A smile across their face.

They felt amazing and they never wanted Clarke to stop.

But then, the tension began to build within them again. They felt the coiling within, and they pressed into Clarke, sweat building between their two bodies.

“Prisa, si!” Lexa called out as they collapsed around the dick buried within them. Clarke moves gently as she pressed gentle kisses to Lexa’s neck. Sucking momentarily just hard enough to leave a slight mark at their collar bone.

“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa said as a tear fell from their eye, sending Clarke into a panic.

“What’s wrong, Lexi?” Did I hurt you?”

But, Lexa shook their head, and after a moment answered, “No, Prisa. You were amazing. I had no idea what I was missing in this life until I found you.”

Clarke couldn’t speak just pressed a kiss to Lexa’s lips. After a few heated kisses, Lexa pulled back still smiling. “So, you want to try it from behind?”

Clarke laughed so hard, she almost forgot that they were still connected. Lexa’s eyes were a little shocked at the response. Clarke cupped their cheek, “Of course, baby. I just figured you may be a little sore.

Lexa shrugged, and then stated, “I’m okay. Plus you always seem to really enjoy yourself when I am behind you. I want to know what it feels like.”

Clarke pulled back and out of Lexa, and Lexa felt what it meant to be empty and it saddened them for a minute, but that did not last.

“Well, Commander, get your ass up here,” and her tone was rough.

Lexa looked at Clarke with wide eyes.

Clarke smiled, “You get to take me tonight, which means, I want you hands on the head board and your ass right here.” She slaps her hands against her pelvic bone only enough to make a noise. Lexa nodded eagerly, amused at this dominant version of the blonde.

“Is there something I should call you in particular?” Lexa asked playfully, as they got on their knees and put their hands to on the base of the headboard.

Clarke laughed slightly as they guided the toy back into Lexa’s still dripping cunt.

“Yes, Commander,” she says pulling Lexa back onto the top.

“You may rule this bedroom but I rule the fucking land.” thrust.

Lexa’s knees quiver at being filled again.

“That make me a...” thrust.

Lexa moans out.

“fucking Queen.”

And Lexa knows there is no turning back, as the warm sensations fill them with Clarke's role reversal. Her fingers gripping Lexa's hips, pulling them back on her. It was unbelievable, and Lexa was in complete aw. 

With every penetration, they feel their heart warm to the woman filling them from behind. There is not question why Clarke enjoys this position. But Lexa finds that they enjoy Clarke behind them. That giving her this control was not only pleasurable but ultimately satisfying.

Without realizing it, Lexa cries out, “Thank you, your majesty.” And their knees shake, as the coil that had built within releases once more.

It doesn’t take long for them to collapse in orgasmic bliss. Clarke is panting behind them, having learned the effects of a strap rubbing against clit while pleasuring someone.

“I love you, Queen Clarke,” they whisper as a smile spreads across their face. They feel the blonde press in behind them, snuggling into their neck, she whispers, “I love you, Commander Lek-sa.”

And within moments they are both spent and unconscious, as they lay wrapped in each other’s embrace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me paseo - Ride me  
> Te toca, Clarke. Quiero mirarte sírvase ti mismo. -  
> Your turn, Clarke. I want to watch you please yourself  
> I love you too, Clarke -  
> Te amo también, Clarke.  
> I love fucking you. - Me encanta coger tú.  
> Im going to fuck you. - Voy a cogerte.  
> come here, clarke, I need to be in you -  
> Ven aquí, Clarke. Quiero estar dentro de tí.


	49. Chapter 49

Abby sat with the girls in the spa, at the small resort in Flagstaff. The trip only took about three and a half hours to get to the resort. When making the plans, Abby had not anticipated on the two girls to be actively singing the entire drive, let alone Disney songs.

The woman had avoided the _Frozen_ craze, until that day. Abby realized she would never need to see the movie, for she received a full reenactment from the first hour of the drive. She was amused for the first hour, but into the second hour she pulled off the highway into a McDonalds’ parking lot.

Handing the keys to Raven, she said, “I think I need to rest in the back seat.” The girls took a restroom break and ordered some food that as a kid, Abby never would have let Clarke eat, and they found themselves back in the car following the Australian female voice that Octavia had selected for the navigation system.

Laying her head down in the back, Abby pulled the huge headphones that were hanging out of the teen’s bag and plugged them into her own phone. Selecting a less follow your dreams play list, she closed her eyes and hoped that Clarke and Lexa were enjoying themselves back at the house.

*****

A soft snore from the backseat let the girls know that Abby was out. Raven looked over at Octavia who was still singing. She envied the way the girl just let herself be free, and wondered if she would ever feel that comfortable.

When Octavia noticed that Raven was watching her, she reached over and turned down the music.

“Did you text Bell?” she asked and watched as a flush flashed across Raven’s face.

“Yes,” she answered.

“And…”

Raven smiled, “and he is coming to pizza night.”

Octavia did a mini dance ending with a fist in the air. Then she said, “Just don’t take him to your room. I think Nontu still hates me for that one.”

Raven shook her head smiling, “I will not be taking him to my room. I already know that Nontu screwed Mom on that bed before they gave it to me. I can’t fuck where they have.”

Laughing again, Octavia shook her head this time. She stated, “Well that means you can’t use the couch, the table… oh shit, you don’t think they fucked in the pool yet do you?”

“Definitely happening while we’re gone, dude,” and Octavia gagged.

Octavia looked back that the sleeping Abby. Turning to Raven, she said, “I think we broke Grandma and we haven’t even gotten there.”

Raven laughed softly, glancing in the rear view mirror. She could see the sleeping woman and noticed that the headphones had fallen off her head.  

“I don’t think she was expecting us to be so childish,” she responded and gave the teen a side look. Octavia was looking out the window, becoming reflective as she watched the canyons and ridges break up the rolling grassy high desert. Raven could see the giggly teen evaporate and something was heavily weighing on the teen.

“It’s crazy how much things have changed, huh?” she finally said.

Raven looked over at the girl and then returned the focus to the road. Things really had changed. She realized that it wasn’t even two months ago that she was sitting in the apartment waiting for Finn to come and make her feel like her life was normal. But normal had taken a new form when she entered Clarke’s house. Then normal changed more when Lexa came into the house.

“Do you think they’re really happy? Like forever happy?” the teen asked.

Thinking of the blonde and Lexa, Raven smiled. “Yeah, O they’re happy.”

“Do you think they’re going to have more kids?”

Raven thought about the question. She didn’t have an answer so she shrugged. “Dunno, honestly but they would be amazing parents. I mean hell they have us.”

Octavia laughed, and then said, “Yeah.”

“You jealous?” Raven asked.

Octavia shrugged, then answered, “I never thought she would be my mom. And then it happened, and now I just want to keep her. I mean kids will be like little. What if they don’t see me as their sister? What if they become so wrapped up in their kids that they forget me when I go to college?”

Raven laughed loudly, and started to speak, but was interrupted by the voice from the back seat.

*****

Abby hadn’t been as asleep as they had thought. She listened to the two girls talking about their parents. She realized that things really had changed, because two months ago she had been praying that her daughter would lose interest in the troubled teen and being a teacher, to come back to Seattle.

“My daughter will never lose interest in you,” she said confidently.

Octavia turned to look back at her with embarrassment flooding her face. Abby smiled at the girl and realized that she could never imagine life without the girl knowing her now.

“I thought you were asleep,” she said leaning her face to the seat.

“Yeah, I figured,” she answered. Sitting up, she spoke again, “You know I tried really hard to talk her out of adopting you. I was ignorant and closed-minded. But she sees you as her baby. She might not have given birth to you, but Octavia that woman loves you more than anything. She would give up anything for you.”

Octavia smiled but Abby could tell that her words hurt her some.

“You were the best decision she ever made, baby.”

Raven glances in the mirror and catches Abby’s eye, she is smiling when she exclaims, “Hey! What about me?”

Abby laughed and so did Octavia.

“Lady, you are also a great decision she made, but I have a feeling you really belong to Lexa,” she watched as Raven cast another look back to see the woman looking in the mirror knowingly and nodding at her.

Raven thought about this for a minute. Could she belong to Lexa?

“Why?” she asks, trying to understand what Abby meant.

Abby doesn’t hesitate, “You two are cut from the same cloth. They look at you in pure adoration like they taught you how to walk and talk.”

This warmed Raven’s heart, thinking that Lexa wanted her. That Lexa wanted to be her parent.

Octavia reached out and touched Raven’s arm, “She’s right. I told Nontu that on Monday. I was scared that if they leave you would leave too.”

Raven didn’t think she could smile any bigger. She had a home. She had parents. She had a sister. She had a grandmother.

‘Nope, not going to fuck this up.’

 “I’m not leaving,” she whispered, and then added, “And we all need to stop thinking Nontu is going to leave. They are never leaving Mom, as long as Mom doesn’t go crazy like she did on Grandma on Monday.”

Looking back at Abby, she watched as the woman shrugged, then said, “I poked her so she would blow at me rather than them.”

Raven nodded in understanding, but Octavia looked back questioning.

“Its easier to take crap from your kids,” she said simply. With that the car fell back into silence, as the girls considered all of the crap they had been giving Clarke and Lexa during the last few week.

 

*****

They arrived and checked into their room. It was about eight and they found themselves in the dining room. When Octavia opened the menu, she almost gagged at the price of a salad.

“Gram, why is lettuce so expensive?” the teen asked.

Abby laughed softly, but internally cringed at the idea of being called Granny.

Raven looked up at the woman and then back down at the menu. Nothing less than twenty dollars, and it made her stomach hurt. Why was shit so expensive.

“Um… I’m not hungry,” she said putting the menu down, feeling uneasiness spread through her.

 Abby locked eyes with the girl and shaking her head, “Don’t start your shit with me.” Then pointed at the menu, “This is our adventure. Pick something you want.”

Raven sighed and picked up the menu, only to still scan the meal options that did not make sense. She hadn’t decided when the waitress came to the table. Octavia glanced over at her sister and gave her a knowing look. Raven felt better knowing that she wasn’t the only one that was feeling overwhelmed by the menu.

Abby looked the girls over, and asked, “Are you ready?”

The girls both refused to meet her eyes, and she chuckled lightly. They were uncomfortable and did not want to admit it.

‘These two are Clarke through and through.’

“Should I just order for you both?” and both girls looked up and nodded to her. Turning to the waitress, she ordered three different items that neither girl was really clear about. When the server left, Abby turned back to the girls.

“So it has been quite a month, hasn’t it?”

And both girl’s nodded, smiling to each other.

Octavia asked, “What do you think Mom and Nontu are doing right now?”

“Each other,” Raven said smiling broadly.

“Ewwww!” the teen groaned. Abby laughed knowing that the girl was probably correct.

Raven picked up the water glass, but before taking a sip, she asked, “What about you, Granny? You got someone?”

Abby cringed at the name externally this time, slapping the girl gently on the arm, “Whoa! I’m not that old!”

Raven laughed and raised her eyes brows, then said seductively, “Oh, I know.”

Abby giggled, putting her hand over her lips, as Octavia coughed water from her mouth, down her chin. “Oh my god! You are disgusting! She is our grandmother.”

Raven chuckled again, then said, “Yeah, but she’s still hot. Come on, Doc. You have to someone that services your need.”

Octavia, who hadn’t recovered from the last statement, choked at the second. Practically crying, she begs Abby, “Please tell her so she will stop with the creepy flirting.”

“His name is Marcus,” she answers, taking a sip from her own water glass. “He is back in Seattle.”

“Then why are you here?” Octavia asked hesitantly.

Abby looked at the teen and then to the other girl. She took another sip before beginning, “I needed to clear my head. I needed to see Clarke. She shut me out a long time ago and I just needed her ghost to stop haunting me.”

Octavia spoke slowly, not looking at Abby, “Are you going to leave then?”

Abby reached over and took the girl’s hand, “If I go back to Seattle, I promise I won’t stop being your grandmother, O. I mean hell, I am just learning how to be a grandmother.”

The teen nodded, but Abby could see that the thought of her leaving hurt the girl. ‘She wants me,’ and a warmth spread through out her body as her heart fluttered in her chest.

“So, how about you tell me about your men, ladies.”

This caused Octavia to blush, and bite her lip. Raven looked at Octavia and laughed at the teen.

“We actually need to talk to you about something, Doc,” Raven said, her face blushing. Octavia glanced over at her sister and nodded at her. Apparently whatever the question was, it was going to be awkward, so Abby braced herself.

“Okay, Raven,” she said, putting her doctor mask on.

Raven looked at the teen again, and then back to Abby, “We need birth control.”

Abby exhaled.

‘Fuck!’

But she was saved by the arrival of the food. She smiled gratefully at the server. Looking at the girls, she stated, “That is a conversation not for dinner.”

The girls nodded and looked at the elaborate on their plates. Abby held out their forks and the girls tapped theirs to hers.

“To our girls’ weekend,” she said, and the girls echoed her before they began shoveling the food into their mouths.


	50. Chapter 50

Dinner ended with chocolate mouse cake and three spoons. Abby enjoyed watching the girls laugh and banter to and fro as though they had been raised together under the same roof for longer than two months. It made her wish that she had not been so career focused to give Clarke a sibling. She charged the meal to their room, and they left the dining room.

Raven and Octavia bounced as they moved to the room, and Abby hung back just to watch the girls enjoy their sugar rush.

‘Why did I fight this for so long?’ the question prodded her. And honestly she didn’t have an answer.

But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that it had nothing to do with the girl. It was that Clarke wanted someone in her life and it wasn’t her. Octavia was a reminder that Clarke was an adult that didn’t need her. An adult that could better raise a child than she could.

When the girls got to the room, she told them she would be in in a minute. She  dialed her daughter and when no one answered she left a message saying they made it and all was well.

But instead of going in, she called Callie next.

Callie picked up on the second ring.

“Hey!”

“Hey, you,” she answered.

“How’s Earth’s literal version of hell?”

Laughing Abby answered, “its good. I took the girls on a spa retreat for the weekend, and-“

“So you are really going to be grandma?” Callie asked, and the surprise in her tone hurt Abby’s heart.

“Yeah, why was I such a shit?” she asked her best friend.

She heard Callie sigh, and then answer, “I’ve been asking myself that for a while now. But hey you pulled your head out of your ass, right?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. Then deciding she didn’t want to be sad anymore, she asked the question that was the real reason she called. “So any news on Raven?”

“Well, I was doing some checking in different years because none of the kids born in 99 were to a Lilliana. I do have one but it makes her younger than she says she is.”

Abby thought about the girl and how similar she was the Octavia and thought. Maybe.

“Tell me more.”

*****

Clarke woke the next morning still curled into Lexa’s back. She was covered in sweat, and felt like she was pealing herself from the matted brown curls that were attached randomly to her face and chest.

Lexa groaned at Clarke’s movement, but she felt the pressure building in her bladder told her it was time to get up. She stretched slightly, the corset was still constricting much of her movement. Pushing herself from the bed, she cursed the partially open blinds that were letting too much of the bright morning sun into the room. As she walked sleepily to the bedroom, she unhooked the numerous clasps without opening her eyes to the accosting light.

Orion screamed at her as she padded softly to the bathroom, still quite incoherent about what was going on. Rubbing her face, she sat down on the toilet, only to open her eyes to see the rubber dick sticking straight up.

“MEOOOOWWWWW!”

Clarke glared at the cat, she gestures to the new appendage and said, “Dude, I obviously have bigger problems than needing to bless your food dish right now.”

Still seated, she begins to fight with the straps, but is interrupted by Lexa making their way into the bathroom. With wide open eyes, they dance lightly in place, making Clarke laugh.

“Is that your potty dance? What are you five?” Clarke asked. With a large smile she turned her attention back to the straps. “How the fuck does this thing come off?”

Lexa danced a little longer, growing impatient. Finally, they say, “Move, Clarke.”

Clarke continued to pull at the straps, “I can’t move, Lex. I have to wipe and this fucking dil-dus is in the way.”

“I have to pee,” Lexa whines.

Clarke looked up with angry morning eyes, “There are two bathrooms, Lex. Use the other one.”

Lexa matches Clarke’s glare with their own. Reaching down they pull at the two claspes at her waist, releasing the strap with a flop down to the floor.

“Wipe.”

“What the hell is wrong with the other bathroom?” Clarke says still not reaching for the toilet paper.

Lexa pulls off the paper, and hands it to Clarke. Clarke takes it, still annoyed for being rushed, and moves slowly from the toilet. Lexa not even waiting for Clarke to flush, plops down and moans with the same tone as they used during previous night’s orgasm.

“So…” Clarke says as she puts the toy in the sink.

“Too early,” Lexa says rubbing the top of their groin. They hadn’t anticipated being sore today, but that seemed to be the case.

“What wrong with the second bathroom, Lex?” Clarke probes again.

“Ugh!” Lexa groans, “open doors.”

Clarke looked back at her partner still sitting on the toilet, “I don't understand.”

Gesturing to the living room, “There is no telling who is in that living room, and I am far too sexy to be showing off to anyone but you.”

Clarke bent over as the laughter burst form her lungs. Looking up, she saw Lexa’s façade of offense, “Clarke, this is no joking matter. I reserve this hotness for only you,” and they gesture to their seated form.

Clarke laughed again, this time harder. When she caught her breath, she managed to choke out, “Dude, Lex, you’re on the fucking pot! There is nothing hot about being on the pot!”

Lexa pouted, folding their arms across their chest. “I am always hot, Clarke.”

Clarke held her hand up and proceeded to walk from the bathroom. She enjoyed non-stoic Lexa, and realized that the more time they spent together the more playful Lexa became not only with words but little moments of dorkiness, like the potty dance.

She stopped in the bedroom, and finished removing the corset and tights. When she was fully nude, she moved from the bedroom into the living room, towards the kitchen.

Coffee was the goal.

It seemed like the only goal for any morning.

And without the girls, naked coffee sounded fun.

Until she heard a male voice from the couch.

It was stuttered, as though it took a minute for the man to realize that she was walking through the house naked, “Oh shit… sorry, Clarke.”

With a quick cover of her nipples with one forearm and her vag with the other hand, she ran back into the bedroom, to find Lexa coming from the bathroom.

Lexa’s eyes were wide with concern, “What’s wrong, babe?”

Clarke shook her head, not able to look Lexa in the eyes. Then she said, “Ryder is in the living room, and he just saw me… Saw me like naked.”

And it was Lexa’s roll in laughter, and they did. They hit the bed and laughed from deep within their belly. A laughter that was contagious and spread to Clarke and then they heard a gentle rumble of laughter from the living room.

“See, Clarke,” Lexa said pulling on a pair of running shorts and a tank top. “We need locks!”

*****

Abby didn’t talk with Raven about the news she had learned, because she wasn’t sure if she should be the one to tell her or if it Clarke and Lexa should be present. In the morning, Abby was the first to wake and see the two teens snuggled into the other queen bed together. A question fluttered through her head as to if the girls may be more like Clarke and Lexa, but she brushed it away, hoping that the family would never get that complicated.

Then she laughed when she realized Raven was going on a date next week with Bellamy and the family was already that complicated.

Watching the girls sleep made her decide that the news was not hers to tell. That should be Lexa and Clarke’s job; she was their kid after all.

She sat on the bed next to the girls and ran her finger down their foreheads to their noses.

“Wake up, wake up you sleepy heads, get up, get up, get out of bed. The sun is up and so must you, get up, get up, you sleepy heads,” she sang softly. The two shifted slightly from their spooned positions. The younger opened one eye, shook her head and rolled to face and hug the other girl.

“Too early,” she groaned.

But the other girl wiggled though, “O, I got to pee.”

Octavia tightened her grip on Raven, and said, “No, you’re my pillow.”

Raven pushed at the girl, while Abby chuckled lightly, moving from the bed, and began pulling out comfy clothes for the day.

“I booked us a group massage, pedicures, and a mud wrap today,” she explained as Raven ran into the bathroom.

Abby could hear the girl in the bathroom because she hadn’t closed the door, while the other pulled a pillow over her head and wrapped herself into the fetal position.

“Fifteen more minutes, Grandmother,” she whined.

Abby smiled, ‘Grandma.’

*****

When Clarke emerged from the bedroom clothed, her face was scarlette as she looked at Ryder with Lexa in the kitchen. They were having an animated, slightly heated conversation in Spanish, and it bothered Clarke that they obviously didn’t want her to understand what was going on.

“What’s up?” she asked, avoiding eye contact with Ryder.

Lexa looked at Clarke, and she could see the fire burning in the green orbs looking back at her “Alexi told my parents that she met me.”

“Oh shit,” Clarke said, knowing that Lexa was not ready to interact with their parental units yet.

Moving to where Lexa stood with their coffee, she took the cup that was on the counter nearby with the caramelly color, meaning it was for her.

Ryder was the next to speak, “Lexa, they have changed. They don’t care that you are with a woman. They have missed you.”

Lexa rolled their eyes, then said, “No.”

Clarke could hear Ryder getting frustrated as he spoke.

“You can’t just shut us all out. We never wanted you to leave. You chose that. You left us all and never looked back. If anyone should be mad, it’s us. You abandoned us.”

Lexa’s rage grew and Clarke could see that they were about blow up. But they didn’t get a chance because Lexa was hers and she would defend them until her dying breath.  

Turning to Ryder, she said carefully as she stood between the siblings, “Shut the fuck up, Ryder. If Lexa left it’s because there was obviously no place for them within the house. People don’t just run away. You will never understand what it means to have to leave home. So back the fuck off!”

Ryder looked at her, and she recognized those stony eyes, but she wasn’t going to stand down. She took a few steps forward backing him from within the kitchen.

“Lexa did not ask for any of you back in our lives. It was a huge fucking step for you to be even allowed to stand in this spot, and that is only because I screwed up and let you in. So slow the fuck down,” she stated harshly.

“But Clarke, they want to see her,” and with that Clarke lost it before Lexa could.

“And that right there is why I am not letting them or you back in this fucking house until THEY say it is alright. So get the fuck out,” she was fuming as she stepped up towards the man again, fists balling up. She was never a physical fighter but for her partner and her kids, she would tear this fucker’s head off. Brother or no brother, no one threatened her family.

He looked back to see Lexa turn away towards to the kitchen sink and grip the counter. Clarke could see his face go softer and he knew he had made a mistake. But that didn’t change that he hurt Lexa. It didn’t change that Clarke wanted to prove that she would fight for them.

Recognzing the fury in the blue eyes, he attempted to correct himself. “I’m... I’m sorry,” he stammered.

“Take your apology and shove it up your ass,” Clarke growled, as she stood her ground separating Ryder in the living room from Lexa in the kitchen with their back still to him.

Holding up his hands, he backed towards the door, but stopped before taking the handle.

He looked solemnly at the two and begged, “I didn’t come here to fight. I actually came to talk about Finn. I need to take a statement from Raven so they can press charges against him. She is going to have to go to trial if we are going to lock him away.”

Lexa turned and looked back at him, but Clarke was standing her ground, “No, you will not be speaking to our daughter, and until Lexa is comfortable you are not welcome in this house.”

“Raven is not here,” Lexa whispers.

Clarke turns back to Lexa, “No. We are not making her stand trial.”

“What do you mean? Of course she is going to testify to put him away,” Lexa said turning their focus to only Clarke. It was like Ryder disappeared into the room, to do nothing but watch as the two stared each other down.

“I will not put her through a trial. Its not about Finn, they will tear her apart,” she stated, her eyes never moving from Lexa’s.

“She has to get closure from the abuse, Clarke. She has to stand up for herself.”

Clarke breathed out and thought of the last kid she watched on trial.

 

_The room was smaller than what they show on lawyer shows. The jury sat in chairs off to the side, and annoyance of their mandated presence was apparent on each of their faces. There were only a few older women that looked at the barely fifteen year old with some sympathy as the defense attorney tore into the teen._

_“So you are saying that my client forced himself on you for three years and you never once told anyone?”_

_“Yes,” the girl answered meekly. She was looking at her hands that were fidgeting in the uncomfortable plastic chair. Her black pants and button up were slightly too big, because Clarke had to guess the size._

_“Not even your brother, who you claim to be very close with?”_

_“No, I didn’t tell Bell anything.”_

_The lawyer moved closer to where the girl sat, and Clarke watched as she became tense looked at her with pleading eyes. She had begged Clarke to talk them into not making her testify, but Clarke told her it was the right thing to do._

_“Prior to living with my client, a decorated military veteran, you moved with your mother between various places, correct?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“And who were these people you lived with?”_

_“Usually her boyfriend. She married once before, but they got a divorce.”_

_“Did you have sex with any of them as well?”_

_Octavia looked like she was about to cry, she shook her head, “No.”_

_“But you have had sex with other people, Octavia. Haven’t you?”_

_Octavia paused. Clarke became very aware that in this moment, every choice this kid had made was about to become part of a public record._

_“Yes.”_

_“How many?” the lawyer asked._

_“A lot,” the teen said as tears fell from her eyes._

_“So it could be safe to assume that my client did not rape you, but you in fact threw yourself at him? After all that’s what your mother taught you to do, isn’t it?”_

_“Objection,” the prosecutor announced._

_“Withdrawn,” the bastard’s lawyer stated, before rewording the question. “Why did you have sex with a lot of other men if you were being abused at home?”_

_Octavia looked to Clarke, and she could see the agony in the girl’s eyes. Clarke knew there was no way for the teen to explain why when you are being abused at home you seek similar attention out in the world._

_But she tried._

_Taking a deep breath she answered, “Because he told me it was all I was good for. I believed him and you’re right my mother was always looking for someone to take care of us. I thought that sex was what I was suppose to do to make boys happy.”_

_“So did you try to make my client happy by having sex with him?”_

_And the girl looked up at him with tear-filled aqua eyes, “He fucked me before I knew what fucking was about. It hurt a lot and he didn’t care. He would finish and tell me that I was earning my keep.” Clarke wanted to be upset that the teen had used the vulgarity on the stand after being coached not to, but she couldn’t be anything but sad for the girl right now. And she felt responsible for this this sadness._

_“Your honor, the girl is not answering the question.”_

_“Miss Blake, I need you to only answer the questions that are asked of you,” the judge said softly to the girl that refused to look at him._

_“I never tried to have sex with him.”_

_“But yet you say you tried to have sex with others. To the point that really there is no way to prove that my client ever touched you at all.”_

_The tears broke through, and the teen looked over once again at Clarke._

_“Objection, your honor, the defense is not asking a question on making speculations.”_

_“Your honor, this is clearly a he said she said case. There is no evidence that my client ever assaulted the girl, and she admits to actively engaging with others sexually; therefore, I move to dismiss the charges against my client for lack of evidence.”_

_The judge looked at the two attorney’s and then to the girl, who was trying to steady her breathing and wiped vigorously at the tears on her face._

_“At this time I would like to see both attorney’s in my chambers. We will recess for twenty minutes,” he stated as he tapped the gavel to the bench._

_Clarke went to Octavia when she was off the stand, but the girl just pulled away from her._

_Looking up at the woman, her eyes said more than her lips ever could, “What’s the point?”_

_“You’re getting justice, O,” Clarke said carefully. Reaching out to touch the girl’s arm, but she stepped out of the touch._

_“That’s bullshit, Griffin. This is not justice. This is humiliation.”_

_And she walked away to the social worker that was still seated in the back of the courtroom, engrossed in something on her cell phone._

_The judge came back and thanked the jury for their time, but the charges were being dropped. Clarke learned in that moment that the teen was right. This was not justice. Nothing anyone could do would take away the pain that she carried within her. The injustice was only in that that man was free to leave and possibly hurt another child._

“Lexa, have you ever sat through a trail like this?” Clarke asked tears falling from her face at the memory of Octavia’s testimony. Lexa reached out to touch her arms and pulled the woman in.

“No,” they whispered, the angry within leaving them.

“Its not a trial for Finn. They are going to tear every decision that Raven has ever made to pieces. They are going to make her look like a slut that was asking for what happened to her. And in partial truth they will succeed because Raven instigated the first sex act, whether she was underage or not,” Clarke choked out.

“They will attack her, and she will be left to sit there and take it as they rip into her. There is nothing that we can do to stop it.”

Lexa held Clarke and looked over at the silent Ryder, who nodded his head at them. He whispered, “She’s right. These trials are ugly and they do nothing to protect the victim. The victim is always on trial more so than the abuser.”

Lexa nods in understanding but the frustration is still present.

“So then he is free to just go out and do it again then?” they ask. And the question is the real fear, because it’s like they didn’t do enough to protect Raven, so they needed to protect the potential next girl.

“Well, we can slap his ass with a restraining order. That will keep him from working with kids ever again. But Lexa we can’t protect the world. We can protect your daughter though,” he said, reaching out and touching their arm.

“Please don’t make her do this, Lexi,” Clarke begged. “She will listen to you more than me. Please don't tell her she has to go up there and get beaten up. I did it with Octavia and the fucker still got off and she hated me for it.”

Lexa nodded, and pulled Clarke’s head into their chest, “Okay, baby.”

Then they turned their eyes back to Ryder who was still reaching out. They didn’t know why, but they had made another big decision.

Raven was going to need all of the support she could get. And Lexa needed to show her that forgiveness was possible and more importantly running away was not the answer to all problems.

“Tell them next Saturday. We will meet at a restaurant. They are not welcome in my home yet.”

Clarke pulled back and looked at Lexa, “Baby, you don’t have to.”

“I know, Clarke, but I think it may be time for me to face my own trial,” and Ryder nodded with a slight smile.

*****

After breakfast, the three women sat out by the resort pool waiting for their massage appointment time. Abby looked at the girls that were both focused on their phones with their huge headphones on.

She figured she had dodged the bullet long enough, so she snapped her fingers in front of Octavia’s face to get her attention. When the teen looked over at her and pulled the headphones from her ears, Abby pointed to Raven.

Octavia, not so gently ripped the headset from her sister’s head who glared at her like she may kill the girl.

Shrugging her shoulders, she pointed to Abby and said, “What? She told me too.”

Abby chuckled lightly, “So, why did you come to me for birth control and not your mom?”

It was Raven’s turn to shrug, but Octavia had an answer, “Sex is a touchy subject in the house right now. I don’t want Nontu more pissed at me. And I’m not saying I’m going to run out and sleep with Lincoln, but I want to be prepared just in case.”

Abby nodded in understanding, but still she wished that Clarke had been the one to handle this for it was no doubt her daughter was much more liberal in giving the teens the pill than she would have been as a parent to two teenage girls.

“You know I cannot just right you a prescription. You need to go in and see a doctor. They need to decide which is the correct pill for you.”

Raven spoke this time, “But you are a doctor and I don’t have health insurance or an id. So me getting the pill is like pretty improbable if I just go to the doctors.”

Abby shook her head as she looked at the water. The girl was right, but that didn’t make this any easier. She could ask Callie for the prescription and it would be easy to get it, but she couldn’t do it without Clarke and Lexa’s permission. That had only one possible ending. Bad.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what. I will provide the prescription, but only after we have all sat down and spoken with your parents. I will not be drugging my granddaughters with sex safeties only for it to blow up in my face later. You think they would be mad that you didn’t talk to them first, hell, I am sure that Clarke would disown me again. And I just got back.”

The girls smiled at Abby and Raven moved from her chair to lay on Abby’s, giving her an awkward hug. Octavia followed suit, wrapping her body arms and legs, around the other two. Abby kissed each girl’s head, happy that they were able to come to a resolution.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter before I go on vacation next week. I will be gone until Thursday and I don't know if I will have the means to post. 
> 
> So I am leaving you all with 2700 words of solid fucking. Enjoy. :)

When Ryder left, Clarke and Lexa made their way out to the pool to cool off, this time attired in bathing suits. Clarke had dipped in, but had retreated back to the shaded lawn chair under the exterior patio fan.

Clarke watched as Lexa swam a few laps back and forth. She enjoyed watching the tanned, lithe body gracefully move through the water. Breaking her attention from the pool, she shifted her attention to the sketchbook she had brought outside with them, knowing she was nto one to spend long periods of time in the pool.

Slowly she began to sketch Lexa’s eyes, then face. She drew an image of Lexa from behind, putting significant focus on the trial tattoo on the left bicep. Turning the page, she placed a younger Lexa in a forested area. She imaged the body as her commander of a futuristic barbaric society. Giving her a long sash to signify their leadership over the other’s in the background.

So focused on the piece, Clarke did not notice that Lexa had ceased swimming and was stealthily approaching her chair. Lexa breathed in deeply, as they took in the drawing. Clarke had still yet to notice their presence, and they didn’t want to break the blonde’s concentration. Instead they stood still, just watching as Clarke shaded in an pale sky over the tall tree tops. As the last area was completed, Clarke looked to the pool to find it abandoned and discover Lexa sitting just slightly to her side watching her.

“You are so talented, Prisa,” they whispered.

Clarke blushed, and then stated, “I was just playing around.”

Lexa held out their hand, to which Clarke handed over the sketchbook without words. Lexa stared down at the image of themself.

“You made me look beautiful and fierce,” they whisper. “I like the sword.”

Clarke smiled and moved to where Lexa was sitting, positioning herself behind them. Leaning down, she whispered in their ear between gentle kisses to their wet neck, “I drew you the way I see you.”

Lexa leaned back into Clarke’s embrace and kisses, setting the sketchbook on the nearby table. Turning to embraced Clarke, they pressed into her lips. The kiss went from a gentle connection to a deeper exploration, as Lexa’s tongue grazed her lips to request entrance.

Clarke granted Lexa access, and as their tongues danced against each other, their hands roamed over the milky skin that was gradually being kissed by the sun as they spent more time outside. Reaching down, Lexa gripped Clarke’s shapely ass and pulled her closure.

“Today is our last day alone,” they whispered. “What would you like to do?”

Clarke smiled and whispered, “You,” and then she pressed back into the kiss, her hand gentle wrapped into the still dripping brown curls.

Lexa pulled at Clarke, as they moved back to the outdoor lounge chair. When their calves hit the chair, they sat down slowly, kissing their way down the woman’s exposed abdomen.

Once seated, Lexa pulled Clarke in between their legs. Lexa kissed along the top of Clarke’s bottoms, and tugged at the small ties holding the edges of her bikini up. Lexa freed the right side of the bottoms first, kissing down to where the material exposed. When the other side was released, the bottoms feel to the ground leaving Clarke in nothing but the triangular top that covered her breasts.

Lexa looked up at Clarke with a slight smile as they ran their tongue over the very top of her slit.

Clarke watched, swallowing harshly as the sensation ran through her body.

“Please, Lex,” she whispered, as their fingers gently ran over her bare ass. Lexa licked again, this time their tongue plunging just a little bit deeper. Clarke’s hands gradually added pressure to press Lexa where she wanted them.

Lexa smiled and reached up taking Clarke’s hands from their hair. Placing them on her own breasts, Lexa kneaded her breasts slightly over Clarke’s hands, giving her silent instructions.

As they ran their tongue over again, they pull it back and say, “Clarke, let’s play a game.”

Clarke looked down, and nodded.

“We are going to see who can be the most quiet,” Lexa said with a wicked smile, knowing that silence was their specialty and this was game that Clarke could not win.

Clarke laughed, “And what happens if I lose?”

Lexa licked the slit, this time pushing through the wet lips until their tongue grazed the tip of her clit, and then withdrew again.

“If you lose, Clarke, I get to choose every position I take you in for the next week, and you must obey,” Lexa adds a slight smack to Clarke’s ass that causes her to thrust forward into Lexa’s mouth. Lexa welcomed the closer distance and took the opportunity to suck at the top of the slit, not giving Clarke what she so desperately wanted.

Once they left a substantial mark, Lexa pulled back from the smooth cunt and looked at Clarke, “Do you accept this challenge?”

“What if I win, thought?”

“Then you get to choose how to take me, for an entire week, my queen,” Lexa states bowing their head slightly, before looking back up at the blonde who was focused on the tongue that caressed her labia again.

Clarke nodded, knowing she can’t turn it down. Lexa smiled, “I’m going to have your screaming my name before we are done, Queen Ka-lark.”

Clarke smiled down at Lexa, taking Lexa’s head in her grasp again she pushed Lexa’s face into her and said, “We’ll see, Commander Lek-sa. I have a feeling you are going to be begging for me by the end of this day.”

Lexa licked strongly the interior walls of Clarke’s lips, as they watched the woman bite her lip to withhold a moan.

“Let us begin,” and without warning, Clarke felt Lexa’s tongue against her clit as their index finger pressed within her cunt and the pinkie rubbed against the perked rose bud of her ass.  

‘Fuck this is not fair,’ Clarke thought as pleasure spread through her standing body.

*****

Clarke survived round one silently climaxing with Lexa’s fingers in both her orifices while she stood in front of her partner, with one foot up on the seat and a hand full of hair holding Lexa’s face to her cunt.

After she came down, they both found the increased heat becoming too much to tolerate, causing them to move their competition within the house. Clarke moved through the house towards the kitchen silently.

Lexa followed her to the table, and watched as Clarke pushed a glass the ice dispenser, the cubes falling noisily from the freezer. Lexa’s eyes rose as Clarke moved towards them and set the glass on the table. Lexa opened their mouth to ask, but Clarke’s evil smirk told them they were still in the competition.

Quickly, Clarke pulled at the ties and Velcro holding up Lexa’s swim trunks. Without a second thought, Clarke pushed the bottoms down so they lay around Lexa’s feet. Clarke reached behind them, as she pressed a subtle kiss to the Lexa’s lips and pulled the two sets of strings that held the bikini top in place. Taking a step back, Clarke unabashedly took in her naked lover. Lexa stood pushing their shoulder’s back in pride at their naked form.

Clarke shook her head in silent laughter that caused Lexa to scruntch their lips and eye brows. Clarke pointed to the table, and Lexa looked back realizing that Clarke expected them to lay across the table.

Leaning their naked ass to the dining room table, they thought about Octavia’s irritation that Raven had told the teen they had fucked on the table, when in fact they had only fucked on one of the chairs. ‘Sorry, O,’ they though as they pushed up on to the table.

Clarke waved a little, signaling that Lexa needed to move back farther. Once their ass was where Clarke wanted it, she held up her hand. Lexa sat with their legs slightly open, clinging to one knee to hold themself up in a seated position.

Clarke moved to the side of the table and pulled the chairs out of her way. Lexa watched as Clarke moved around the table, trying to anticipate what the woman would do next. When all of the chairs were moved, Clarke climbed atop the dense wooden table at Lexa’s feet and crawled her way forward. Before touching Lexa, Clarke tipped the glass to her lips and took in a single ice cube.

Lexa swallowed, considering if maybe it would be so bad if Clarke won this competition. They couldn’t deny that Queen Clarke was really hot and unbelievably satisfying.

Placing the glass down, Clarke moved forward and pressed her icy lips to Lexa’s mouth. Lexa’s lips parted and Clarke slipped the ice cube into her partner’s mouth, as she pushed backwards, forcing Lexa to lay against the cool wooden surface.

Clarke pressed her warm body against Lexa’s as the kiss continued.

Lexa felt Clarke’s hand on their right wrist pulling it up over their head. She adjusted the grip so that Lexa was holding on to the edge of the table, and pulled back from the kiss staring into her. Then Clarke repeated the process with the other hand, and once again looked to Lexa again.

‘Stay,’ was the silent command.

Lexa nodded, showing that they understood her instructions. They smiled, as their cunt was pooling arousal. They knew they would be dripping on the table before long, and they thought of the words Raven had said about Octavia claiming they needed ‘coochie coasters’ and had to fight away the laughter.

They watched as Clarke moved from the kitchen and into the bedroom. When she came back, whatever she was holding was hidden under the towel that she had wrapped it in.

Anticipation building, Lexa felt as the first drip of arousal ran down their ass cheek. Clarke smiled as she looked at Lexa’s labia and then back up at the green orbs with blown pupils. Clarke placed the items from the bedroom on the chair where Lexa could not see them if they were to keep their hands in place.

Clarke smirked at them as they moved slightly trying to catch sight of what she brought out. She rises from the side of the table with one of Lexa’s neckties and held it up, letting it dangle. Lexa’s lips part slightly and they lick the lower before biting down on it.

Clarke moves to their head and places the tie over Lexa’s eyes, tying it behind their head.

Lexa smiles but internally rages that this was not fair, but knew that they had not established any rules to the competition other than no sound. Lexa heard the glass _tink_ as the ice shifted and they braced themself for the cold, but instead was pleased to feel soft feathery sensations rushing through their body.

‘Fuck! Fuck! Cogerme!’ they cried out internally, as their back arched.

As the sensation moved from their sides to their breasts and down to their cunt, they felt a slight dampness trailing down their right leg as Clarke ran whatever she was using down their thigh.

The sensation leaves momentarily, only to be felt again on the other side of their body. But mild shock went through them as they felt the icy tongue run over only their areola, circling their perked nipple.

It took all of their internal resolve not to cry out in pleasure, as their clit pulsed between their thighs. They pressed their legs together embracing the pleasure of the pulsing. Lexa felt the table shift slight and then Clarke’s frigid lips wrapped around their other nipple.

‘Jesus fucking Christ. She’s going to make me cum without ever touching me.’

Lexa felt Clarke kiss her way down their chest, hovering over their navel, they once again jumped as a piece of ice was dropped into their navel. They gripped the table’s edge tightly as the frozen tongue ran it’s way down their soaking wet cunt, the feather like toy lost as Clarke held their hips to the table.

Lexa arched into Clarke’s touch, begging for more. They breathed out harshly, trying to withhold any sounds, but the more Clarke’s chilled tongue circled their clit, the more they were losing control. They felt as her fingers took control over their clit, pinching on it slight, then they pulled up by their grip on the table as the cold tongue entered them, and pushed an ice cube within.

Without stalling, Clarke’s tongue thrust repeatedly within them, licking up the melting ice. Lexa was so focused on the tongue, they didn’t notice at first the single digit in their ass that was matching the thrusts of the tongue.

When this realization flooded Lexa’s mind, they lost control. The orgasm taking over their body, legs locking Clarke’s head in place.

“Fuck me, Clarke,” ripped through their throat as they rode out the waves of their orgasm. They felt their lover hum into them with a gentle chuckle as she continued to thrust within their ass gently.

When Lexa finally came back from their high, Clarke pulled the tie from their eyes. They blinked as stars flashed around the blonde’s smiling face.

“I win,” she whispers into Lexa’s pulse point, and Lexa realized that she had.

Lexa wanted to be a jerk and tell Clarke that they let her win, but both would know that was bullshit. Clarke had upped her game today, and Lexa would have to plan their next competition more carefully.

Lexa moved to their side after they released the table. Pulling the blonde into them, they stated, “I think it only fair that I fuck you on this table before we have to sanitize it.

Clarke smiled and nodded, “I brought you something to play with since I get to choose how we fuck for the next week.”

Lexa smiled broadly thinking that, ‘Yes, Clarke being in charge is not too intolerable.’

Moving from the table, they find the double-sided vibrating toy. When they look back, they see Clarke had already moved from the table and was standing the top of her body bent over the table and holding onto the sides of the table ready for Lexa to take her.

Shaking their head, they pushed the one side within them, and positioned themselves behind the woman. The wrapped their hand in her hair and tugged her head back gently.

“The game is over, Prisa,” they say, as they slide the tip of the dildo within her. Pressing the button, vibrations coursed with both of them.

Thrusting within her quickly and rapidly, gathering a steady fast rhythm, they smacked Clarke’s ass slightly.

“I want to hear you, Prisa,” they say when the woman makes no noise. Her hips push back with each thrust within her, and she is clearly enjoying the steady pace that Lexa is fucking her.

When they hear her speak, they can tell the woman is smiling and in intense pleasure.

“I’m sorry, Commander,” Lexa pelvis smacked against Clarke’s pale ass cheeks.

“…but you must have forgotten,” Lexa’s grip tightened in her hair as they pull her back with their other hand by her hip.

‘…that I’m the fucking Queen,” and Lexa’s face breaks into a smile as they realize that they gave up control this week.

“So, Commander…” Lexa feels the sweat running down their back as they approach the edge again.

“Fuck me harder!” the blonde called out as her fingers dug into the base of the table. Lexa released her hair and pulled back on her hips with both hands.

They pressed harder within her, feeling Clarke matching each and every thrust with vigor. Calling out shamelessly in pleasure. Lexa could not contain their own moans feeling how eager Clarke was to take them.

“Fuck, Lex-sa. I’m so close.” She cries out as Lexa’s speed increases to intense slapping.

“Fuck, Clarke. Cum with me,” Lexa begged, knowing that they couldn’t hold out much longer.

Lexa felt as Clarke’s body tensed and hips thurst back in waves as Clarke climaxed. It took two more thrusts before they too collapsed breathing heavily over their lover.

“I fucking love you, Queen.”

Clarke reached back and rubbed Lexa’s head lazily, “I love you, Commander.”

When they stood, they looked at the wet table and laughed, before wrapping each other in an embrace. Lexa kissed the blonde’s forehead.

They thought of wanting to marry her and they remember Clarke telling them to ‘get on it.’ Lexa smiled because they knew they were going to start looking for that ring. Kissing her again, they thought. ‘I can’t wait to marry this girl.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna talk rings and proposal or have any questions tumble me! :)


	52. Chapter 52

Lexa, sat at the head of the table Sunday night after Abby returned with the girls. They chewed meticulously, with a stern gaze targeted at their plate as they swallowed their frustration of the girls’ request. They knew that the girls wanted to be safe, but Lexa just plain and simply did not want their girls having sex.

Clarke reached over and squeezed Lexa’s knee, trying to get their attention. Lexa looked over to see Clarke’s worried eyes. Lexa inhaled heavily and exhaled slowly.

‘One, two, three, four…’

Their counting is interrupted by the teen trying to plead her need for birth control is not linked to her immediate gratification but only for precaution.

“Nontu, I promise I’m not going to get it and just run over to Lincoln’s house to have sex,” Octavia stated confidently as though she really wanted Lexa to understand this.

Lexa nodded, but it didn’t remove that the fact that their baby was asking for a pill to make it safer to have sex. ‘My baby is going to be with that boy.’ That boy that only weeks before they were thanking for waiting. But now, they were not waiting. They had already done… things.

They heard as Clarke consented to the assertation of prescriptions for the girls, and Lexa knew it was for the best but it still frustrated them. They just wanted their girls, who had been through so much to be little girls. And it hit them, that it wasn’t they were having sex, it was that Lexa wanted to see the girls be little girls. Lexa wanted to have them be their babies, but that step was already gone.

They had teenagers.

One teenager that would be an adult in a matter of months, one already an adult.

Teenagers that are going to have sex whether they ground them and lock away the key or not.

And Lexa questioned, ‘When did I become the dad that couldn’t handle the topic of sex?’

Lexa shifted uncomfortably at the table. They felt the blue eyes were on them and it made them uncomfortable. Lexa looked to Clarke, and it was as though her eyes were begging them to stay where they were and a new feeling resonated within Lexa as the realization hit them.

‘She thinks I’m going to leave,’ and the pain with the thought sends a shock wave of pain through their chest. They choke slightly on their food, not sure how to react to this knowledge. ‘I want to marry her, and she thinks I am looking for an excuse to run.’

Then, ‘Does she want me to run?’

Their stomach flipped and they lost interest in the food. Pushing it to various ends of the plate.

They tried to put on their mask. Build that wall that needed to be there since Clarke thought they were going to leave, but Lexa didn’t have the energy.

No, Lexa didn’t have the will.

‘I’m going to marry her.’

Looking at the blonde, they smile weakly. But the voice that finally seemed to be on their side began to question it all, ‘Why do they think I’m going to leave? Haven’t I been here for everything? I haven’t left once…” the twirl their fork in the Phad-Thai… ‘except for at Starbucks.’

They thought of that day and crying in car as they drove away from the confused woman.  

‘But, You haven’t run since. You do everything for them that they need and most of what they want. Why does she think so little of you?’ Lexa’s internal monologue was interrupted by Abby, as the woman cleared her throat.

“Well, I have some news that I have been sitting on since Friday because I wanted us all to be together to finally have some answers,” she said casually as though they all didn't know how big this news really was.

Octavia sat on her sister’s left and stared at Abby with a mouth full of food. Lexa noticed how the younger girl attempted to swallow everything in her mouth in one gulp without chewing. This caused them to smile slightly before shifting their gaze to the other one. Raven was closer to them at the overly large table, and they could see the nerves build in the girl as she anxiously waited the news. Lexa shifted their gaze to the woman on their right holding out a hand to Raven. The girl took it and then grabbed Lexa’s as well.

Feeling the warmth of the girl’s calloused hand pulled Lexa away from their frustration of Clarke’s prior look and into the moment that this girl had waited so long.

When Abby saw everyone prepared, she spoke smoothly keeping her focus on Raven, “Callie ran into a few roadblocks when trying to find your birth record because none of the three Ravens that were born in 1995 were not born to a Lilliana. So… she had to broaden her search some and she did locate a Lilliana Reyes that gave birth to a baby girl named Raven, but it was in 1997. February 4th, 1997 is the exact day.”

“I was born in 1997 too,” Octavia says quietly, but everyone at the table heard it and only answered with silence.

The air was tense around the table as everyone absorbed this information. Lexa watched Raven’s eyebrows scrunch and lips purse.

*****

Her eyes scan the table as though she was searching her memories. She had never had a birthday so she wouldn’t know if February was correct. She had always been small for her age, but a few years ago she had enough food to actually have somewhat of a growth spurt.

‘1997? But that makes me like 18. I just turned 18? How the fuck is this possible? How could I not know I was two years younger? They wouldn't have let me into school.’

She looked up at Abby and tilted her head slightly to the left. She is so confused as to how she could have gone her whole life being two years younger than she thought she was.

“How is that possible?” she asks Abby, hoping that the woman could answer she question.

But it is Clarke that answers her question.

“Actually, it makes since,” she says calmly squeezing the girl’s hand. When Raven turns her look of confusion to the new mother figure, Clarke continues, “we see it a lot in education in low income homes. Childcare is expensive so parents try to pass their kids off to be older than they are to get them into school early. Parents are suppose to provide proof of age when enrolling them in school but with so many students without documentation in Arizona, schools often will turn a blind eye to missing documents or forged documents, especially if the child seems cognitively prepared for kindergarten.”

Lexa nodded to her, apparently this was a common teacher understanding that the kids in a class are not always who they say they are.

“So… what does this all mean then?” Raven asks looking at the people that had offered to be her parents, as the realization settles within her as a the new reality that she was two years younger. Barely older than the teen that will be turning 18 in six months.

Lexa was the one to speak, “It means you have a birth certificate and you are still an adult under 21 so the adoption paper work is simple enough. We can now file the request for you social security card." Raven swallows this information, looking at Lexa's hopeful eyes, because she can tell that there is more. Lexa presents her with the next piece of information that could change her life.

“But this also means that you could technically go back to high school and get your diploma if you would like and we could start looking for colleges or trade schools next year.”

‘High school. Graduation. College.’

Raven had been a good student and most subjects had come easy for her. She had dreamed of being an engineer, but with reality of no roof became over bearing she turned her focus to something more realistic.

That was two years ago. Two years ago she had been a junior in high school. Two years ago, she was fiifteen going on sixtee.

Mechanics was easy and there were plenty of opportunities in Phoenix. So, Raven gave up on school and learned that it was easy to get a job. With one realistic achievement she had set her sights on another throwing herself into the life with the man she thought she loved.

Now she understood two new things: She started sleeping with Finn at fourteen. Her mother tried to sell her for heroin at twelve.

The number bounced through her head and made her sick. She didn’t want to go back there. She didn’t want to live that life in her memories. Sucking back the tears, she looked up and met Lexa’s eyes.

 “How long would it take to process the adoption?” she asked.

*****

Lexa moved from the table towards Clarke’s desk. From within the drawer, they procured a stack of papers that were already filled out to the best of their ability. Moving back to the table, Lexa handed Raven and Octavia each their portion of the stack. Once the girls each held their own packet, Lexa moved to stand behind Clarke and placed their hands on the woman’s shoulders and Clarke in turn placed one of her hands a top theirs. She had not been a part of this but knew that Lexa had already begun the process.

The girls flipped through the pages, seeing Lexa’s meticulous handwriting on each page as well as the statement as to why they wished to adopt each of the girls. Clarke smiled as she watched Octavia tear up over the statement about why they wanted to adopt her. But Raven’s face was the most unreadable, as though she couldn’t process what was said, and Clarke knew that Lexa had spent hours carefully crafting each statement to reflect what they felt.

Finally the older girl looked up at Lexa and said softly, “Thank you.”

Lexa nodded and stated, “It will take about two months once the paper work is filed. And you have to complete a statement as to why you would like to be adopted by myself and your mom. O we just need one from you about why you would consent to my co-adoption of you.”

Octavia was the first to ask, as she was practically bouncing in her chair, “When can we file?”

“As soon as we get Raven’s social security number,” they say as a smile spread across their face. They felt Clarke pull them down, so that their arms are wrapped around her neck. They nuzzled the smiling blonde, and was so happy to be in this moment with her, forgetting the earlier internal rampage for the time being.

Raven watched them carefully. Lexa leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to the blonde’s cheek and Clarke smiled as her eyes closed.

“So, once the adoption is done, can I enroll at the school you guys work at?” Raven asked.

Clarke looked over at her and met her eyes. Raven was struck by how much pride radiated from them and it warmed her that she could cause that emotion.

Nodding, she said, “Yes, you may have to do some credit recovery, but with some hard work I will get to see both my babies cross that stage next year.”

And Raven smiled broadened. The teen next to her wrapped her arms around her and hugged her tightly.

Then whispered, “Dude, we got our happily ever after.”

*****

Later that night, Clarke went to shower, giving Lexa time to talk with the girls and Abby about the part that no one seemed to notice on the adoption forms.

The part where they had checked that Lexa and Clarke were already married.

Rather than try to have the conversation with each of them separately, Lexa chose to have it with all of them at once. The challenge, everyone had gone their separate ways after dinner, which meant they had to pull each of the girls from their rooms and out to Abby’s studio where hopefully she was decent and not doing what ever lonely people that live in their daughter’s guest house do.

Lexa had come to the conclusion that they had poor timing with the girls and their sex lives to the point that they would rather not carry that over to their future mother-in-law as well.

Lexa went to Raven’s door first since it was open; sticking their head in they find the girl laying on the bed using Octavia’s laptop with their headphones blasting. Typing furiously into the word document, she was facing away from the door, so Lexa knew there was no way for Raven to know they were there.

Taking advantage of the moment, they crept into the room and poking the girl ever so slightly in the side.

Raven jumped horizontally from the bed with such force that she bounced when her body hit again. Her head smacking the key board before the computer closed itself. The headphones detached from her head in air and rolling from the bed, as she buried her face into the sheets. Lexa’s hands attacked the girl’s sides with tickling fingers, and Raven squirmed like a worm in the bed.

“Mother fucker!” she screeched as she turned glaring at Lexa, who had ceased her tickling and was now kneeling in laughter at their stealth skills of torture.  “That shit is not fucking funny! You could have killed me!” she shouted, but Lexa didn’t stop laughing, just hit the bed with their left hand.

“Dude, you jumped like so high and then you bounced!” Lexa choked out between giggles. Then added, “How do you jump from your belly?”

Lexa mimicked the jump and a muffled version of the scream, which Raven couldn’t help but laugh with them.

“I hate you,” she laughed out.

Lexa giggled and then pulled at the girl, “Come on. I need to talk with you and the Disney princess.

 When they made it to the hallway, they saw the girl’s door was partially open. Holding a figure up to their lips to signal silence from Raven, Lexa tipped toed down the hall, with the other girl behind her.

Peaking in the room, they saw Octavia with her back to them as she danced in the mirror with her headphones also blaring. She wore nothing but a shorts bra, a pair of boy shorts and a green princess tiara.

Lexa contemplated momentarily that their gift may cause both girls to lose their hearing at an early age, but the moment shifted and they considered how to scare this child as well.

Looking back to where Raven was suppose to be, they found nothing. She had momentarily vanished but returned before Lexa had a chance to even go look for her. In each hand she held a Nerf bow and arrow. Lexa looked at her quizzically.

Raven shrugged, “She wants to be a warrior, then she needs to learn to be more alert.”

And Lexa smiled, and whispered, "Yes, this is good."

They each took position: Raven on her knees in front of the door and Lexa positioned over her. After a moment, Raven pushed the door open and they pulled back firing their arrows at the teen.

She took the first arrow to the back, before she fell the ground only to take Raven’s lower positioned arrow to the side of the head.

The parent and child laughed as they high fived each other in the doorway, while the dishelved princess glared at their joy and pushed herself up from the floor. Once up, she found and launched the arrows back at her laughing family. Lexa used their ninja skills and easily reflected both arrows, to Octavia’s displeasure.

“You guys fucking suck!”

Still laughing, Lexa and Raven mimicked that last few dance moves they watched before they had attacked her.

“You have nice moves,” Raven said still laughing.

But Lexa knew they were running out of time before Clarke would become suspicious. They waved towards them and said, “Come on, kid.”

Grumbling Octavia followed Lexa and Raven down the hall, through the living room and out the back door somewhat quietly. Apparently Clarke’s children were incapable of stealth, as Raven managed to stub her pinky toe on the couch side table loudly and Octavia rammed her shoulder into the sliding glass door on her way out. Because yes, when they lack ninja qualities they were Clarke's children, baring no resemblance to them.

Lexa was too busy laughing at the girls, that they missed the transition from cement from lawn and practically faced it into the scratchy sun beat grass. The two girls hooted at their misfortune, followed with a whispered hiss from Octavia, “Karma is a batch, ain’t it?”

Lexa glared at them and then proceed to Abby’s door.

“What the fuck are we doing?” the teen asked, still fuming at the attack but happy that she got to use the line about Karma.

“Dunno,” Raven answered with a shrug.

Lexa laughed, “I need to talk to you both and your grandmother.” They stop outside the door and turn back to the teens. They point to the girls and then to the door, “You guys go first.”

“Why?” Raven said, cocking one eyebrow suspiciously.

“Yeah, what is Mom and Gram in there prepared to attack us with super soakers now?” Octavia asked, trying to catch a glimpse of the Griffin women in the window behind Lexa.

Lexa shook their head, and answered, “No, I just have bad luck walking in on people.”

The teens both looked that them in confusion and then together go, “Ohh…”

Lexa nodded, “so you guys go first.”

“No way, dude,” Octavia said shaking her head.

But Raven just smiled, and with a bob of her overly cocky head says, “I got this.”

*****

Octavia was grateful that they only found Abby watching television when Raven barged through the door. She couldn’t tell if Raven was actually hoping to catch the woman having phone sex or something but it was disturbing nonetheless.

Lexa followed them in and sat in a chair, as the girls curled up on each side of the older woman.

“So…” Lexa began once everyone was comfortable. “I brought you all together, because even though my intentions have already been stated I wanted to ask your permission before I proceeded.”

Octavia swallowed, ‘Holy shit. They’re asking us first?’

But she didn’t wait for Lexa to continue, before she answered and the word that fell from her lips even surprised her.

“Yes.”

Lexa looked at the girl in surprise, and didn’t have a chance to respond before Raven also said, “Yes.”

“Guys, I didn’t even ask yet!” Lexa cried out in exasperation, running their fingers through the top of their curly hair.

Abby just chuckled.

“Baby, you don't need to. We all agree that no one would be better suited to enter this life changing contract with our Clarke than you.”

Octavia looked over at Abby. ‘She called them baby,’ and the smile spread across the girl’s face as she finally fully felt as though Abby accepted this family.

“But I need to like confess my undying love and that I am not ever, I mean EVER, going to leave.”

And Octavia realized that Raven was right. They needed to stop all looking at Lexa like they were going to bolt out the door when things get tough.

“I never wanted to share her,” the teen said to Lexa. “But you make her so happy. You make me happy, even when you attack me and yell at me. You make this family whole, Nontu.”

She watched as a tear fell from Lexa’s eyes and she moved from her grandmother’s arms to sitting at Lexa’s feet looking up at them. She confidently stated, holding onto one of Lexa’s hands, “I love you and I want you to marry my mom.”

More tears fell, as Lexa wrapped their arms around the girl’s neck and the girl wrapped hers around Lexa’s middle.

“Thank you, O,” they whisper. “I needed your approval the most. I love you, kid.”

Lexa must have waved Raven over, because they pulled the other girl into the embrace as well.

*****

Abby watched the three hug and was so proud to be part of this moment. She had found what she had been searching for all this time in this patchwork family.

Watching as the embrace finally ended, she looked down at the ring on her finger that Jake had replaced on their tenth wedding anniversary. The princess cut diamond was large with small sapphire pin stones surrounding it, and an intricate antiquing surrounded the band.

She looked to Lexa, “Did you already pick out a ring?”

Lexa shook their head, and then said quietly, “I was hoping the girls would help me with that.” Abby watched as the girls nodded but at them, and how proud they looked back down at their kids.

This time it was Abby’s turn to shake her head, and whisper, “No.” Removing the ring from her finger, she held it out to Lexa.

Lexa took the ring gently and looked at it in utter amazement. “Abby, I can’t take-“

But Abby held but her hand to stop Lexa’s protests.

“No, honey. You can and you will. Clarke helped her father pick this out many years ago. He told me how much she had fallen in love with it, claiming that it was like a star in the night’s sky. I think she would love to have it, and I want you to give it to her.”

Lexa nodded and this time, they fell to their knees before Abby and hugged the smaller woman. Abby returned the emotional embrace, and the girls joined them.

She kissed Lexa’s head and realized that there was one more thing she needed to say, “also, since you’re marrying my daughter, you need to call me mom.”

To Abby surprise, Lexa squeezed harder into the hug.

‘I have two children and two grandchildren. I have a family.’

*****

And as though the thoughts echoed into Lexa, they thought, ‘I have a mother.’

 

 


	53. Chapter 53

Monday morning the teachers and teen rushed through the house in an almost frenzy gathering homework and stacks of graded papers to start the week. 

Mondays were typically Raven off days, so as the teen was pulling at her shoes to make it to the car before Lexa hooked the horn again, Raven was just making it to coffee pot.

“Bye, Disney,” she called to the teen running out the door towards the impatient parent that was laying on the horn in the driveway.

The door slammed shut behind the girl as she called back, “See ya, Greaser!”

Raven chuckled at the name, and pulled a waffle from the toaster. Once the waffle was toasted, she moved into the backyard to get some sun before the heat became too unbearable for her.

She took a bite out of the waffle and stared out at the water. A buzz woke her from her trance and she pulled the phone from the waistband of her boy shorts. The illuminated screen showed a message from Bellamy. Looking at the contact name, she laughed and realized that it was in desperate need of change.

The amusement was quickly lost though, her thoughts shifting to wondering if the news of her true age would change his interest in her. Taking a deep breath, she slid her finger across the message and read through the message.

Hot Brother (8:45): I know we have plans for Friday but its been a while since I have seen you. Wanna catch a movie after pizza on Wednesday?

She smiled and looked back at the water.

Abby joined her before she could answer the text.

“Hey, babydoll,” she said as she took a seat next to the girl and stole a sip of her coffee as well.

“Hey, Grams,” she said, smiling softly at her. Abby smiled back but could tell that the girl was missing her usual fire.

“What’s going on? You’re not you’re usual feisty self,” she said easing back into the chair.

Raven returns her gaze to the water. The slowly moving water eased her some, but her stomach still twisted in uneasiness. Finally she answered the question, “I don’t know how Bell is going to react to me being as old as O.”

Abby considered the girl’s fears momentarily before answering, “You’re still legally an adult so its not like he has to freak out about breaking the law.”

Raven looked at her realizing that what she said was true, but still she was uneasy about the man’s reaction, as she had seen the way he was super protective over Octavia.

“But what if he sees me as a kid. I mean, now he has to wait like three years before we could go out to places that him and his friends would go. I mean what if he just sees me as a kid now.”

Abby chuckled lightly, “You have already slept with him, Ray, and he is still trying. He doesn’t seem to care about the fact that you two can’t go out to a bar now. Why would that change now?”

Raven shook her head, then said, “I don’t know. I just don’t want it to start drama. I don't’ want him to feel obligated to take me out because we made plans or because I seduced him once. I want him to like me because of who I am.”

Abby reached over and touched her hand. “That boy likes you. He wouldn’t keep trying after you gave him the silent treatment. Most guys embrace the one night stand easily, you found a good one though. So just be open with him.”

“Because openness is totally my specialty,” the girl quipped with a gentle eye roll.

Abby squeezed her hand before taking her coffee cup again. After taking a sip, she stated, “Well… maybe he is a good place to start. Then it will be easier to start opening up to others. I mean you have been pretty open with me.”

“You’re different,” she said. Then turned a quirked eyebrow to the woman, “Hot grams have always been a weakness.”

Abby spit the coffee that she had just let into her mouth, spraying it in front of them. Looking at the now hysterical Raven, she is unsure how to respond.

“I totally got you!” she exclaimed slapping her thighs as she laughed.

Abby smiled but the realization hit her hard. She turned serious and the words that came next caused the girl to cease laughing.

“You know people will love you without sex, right?”

 *****

Lexa and Clarke dropped the teen off at the gate entrance and then left to make a quick Starbucks run. Octavia had pouted that they didn’t love her because they waited to go without her but Lexa was quick to point out that they didn’t have time because she was moving so slowly that morning.

Clarke looked adoringly over at Lexa, as they focused intently on driving.

“Babe, I am so crazy about you,” she said, and then watched as the corners of Lexa’s lips lifted.

“I love you too, Clarky,” the name causing Clarke to shake her head and exhale in exasperation.

“Worst pet name giver ever!”

Lexa laughed this time and threaded their fingers through Clarke’s hands.

“You love me though, so it is ok.”

And Clarke just nodded, because it was true.

*****

Raven moved into the house after the serious conversation had faded. She thought about what Abby said concerning the difference between sex and love, and she wondered if that was the same sort of talk that Lexa had given Octavia.

Laying on her bed, she read through Bellamy’s text again.

She typed: “I would enjoy that but I need to tell you something I found out.”

She only had to wait a minute for Bellamy’s response.

Hot Brother (9:43): Anything, babe. You ok?

She shook her head. ‘Still need to change that name.’

Raven (9:45): Gram found my birth certificate and I found out my birthday is different than when I thought it was.

‘Kinda the truth. I mean I did think I was older.’

Hot Brother (9:46): So we get to celebrate your birthday soon then? Why is that upsetting?

‘Well here goes.’

Raven (9:48): No the year was different. I found out I am only 18.

She waited. The indicator changed from delivered to read, but she didn’t see the three dots pop up to tell her he was typing something.

She waited more, staring at the phone.

No dots.

‘Fuck.’

She sets the phone down, figuring a watched pot never boils. Grabbing the pile of clothes on her floor, she makes her way into Octavia’s room and takes hers as well. Before she started the laundry, she checked her phone again.

*****

She sat at the honeycomb lunch table with Lincoln and their jock friends. They were going over who needed coverage for parental consent to attend the party that Saturday that Monroe would be throwing.

Octavia was happy that she never had to worry about getting permission from Clarke, but she wondered if that was now changed since Lexa was becoming Bellamy level protective.

“It’s so fluffy!” screamed from her phone and she glanced at the screen. It was Bellamy and she smiled. She hadn’t spoken with her brother in a few days and was glad he caught her when she wasn’t in class.

Opening the text, she read:

 **BabyBell (11:37):** Dude why didn’t you tell me Raven was your age. I can’t date someone as old as you. That's just wrong.

Her smile fell and in place her cheeks flushed as anger rose within. This is the stupid shit only her brother would pull. The crap that he is too good to date a girl that was younger than him. She decided she never should have given him the okay to pursue something with her sister.

‘Stupid fucking idiot,’ but the emotions were brewing within, and she didn’t know how to stop them once they started. She was furious and years worth of her brother being a pseudo protective ass was coming out.

She pounded her thumbs against the screen, as Lincoln sat by and watched the immediate mood change in his girlfriend.

“Everything okay?” he probed softly, knowing that this could very well backfire against him if he wasn’t careful.

“Bellamy is a fucking dick,” she stated quietly, without shifting her focus from the screen. Her eyes blazed as she unleashed the fury at the digital version of her brother.

She handed Lincoln the phone after she hit send.

 **Octavia (11:46):** You are a fucking dick. You were crazy about her just yesterday and now you are trippin cuz she found out she is younger than she thought she was. That's not even her fault and she has some much going on and is still a better person than you are. I am vetoing your right to even try and date her because you are self absorbed asshole. You have always been oblivious to anyone else’s wants or needs because you are always looking out for you. She deserves better than you, and frankly I do to. I can’t believe after you already fucked her and then begged for her you would drop her because of a fucking number. You are a bigger douche than I ever realized Bell. So fuck off!

Lincoln’s eyes widened as he read. Octavia knew that she probably shouldn’t have answered when she was heated, but it was done.

Lincoln looked over at her and handed her back the phone. She knew he wanted to say something but he was holding back.

“Just spit it out, Lincoln,” she huffed in irritation at his silence.

“How much of that was about Raven and how much of it is you mad that he wasn’t there when you needed him?” he asked honestly, looking into her eyes that immediately began to tear.

She pushed away from the table, taking her stuff with her.

Lincoln looked to the others and said, “We’ll catch up with you later.” Then he grabbed his things and jogged after the girl that was headed straight for Clarke’s room. The court yard wasn’t large so it didn’t take him long with reach her.

“O, wait please,” Lincoln begged when he was just a few feet behind the girl.

“Fuck off, Lincoln,” she hissed at him, and when she turned her head towards him, he could see was crying.

“Octavia, I didn’t mean it to hurt you. I just felt like maybe this was something you wanted or needed to talk about,” he says as they get closer to the door.

Octavia stops and turns into him. Falling face into his chest, she cries softly and says, “Why didn’t he come back? He just left and pretended everything was fine. And he didn’t even try to take me out of foster care,” she whispered between tears.

Lincoln held her head and guided her towards Clarke’s door. He stuck his head in and found the room empty except for Clarke and Lexa, who had jumped rather quickly away from one another, and he could tell from Clarke’s swollen lips and Lexa wiping their mouth that they had been making out.

Without a word, he pushed open the door and pulled the crying girl into the room that was immediately embraced by both her parents.

Lexa looked over at him harshly, and he held up his hands in surrender.

“Bellamy is being a dick about Raven being 18 and Octavia laid into him. I asked her if she was only mad at him for Raven or for her too and she needs you guys right now,” he stated all in one breath, begging Lexa to believe him. For the teacher looked prepared to castrate him for possibly hurting their baby.

“It’s so fluffy!” interrupted the following silence, and finally Lexa nodded to Lincoln that they understood and then to the door. He stood still for a moment longer, but when he saw their eyes narrow, he took his leave.

“He wasn’t suppose to tell you all that,” the girl finally says. She knows she is running out of time before the final lunch bell will ring.

Clarke pulls her back for another hug, kissing the girl’s ear because she is almost taller than her now, “Its ok, baby. We need to know stuff like that.”

“It’s so fluffy!”

Then, “It’s so fluffy!”

Then again, “It’s so fluffy!”

“I think he responded,” Lexa says with raised eyebrows that make Octavia and Clarke laugh.

Octavia pulled the phone from her pocket and opened the messages.

 **BabyBell (11:49):** WTF O! I have always been there for you. Its not my fault you never told me you needed me. And it is a big deal because she is going to be a part of your family but she is young. Like you young and I don't want anyone touching you. I can’t believe I already slept with her, but in my defense I wanted to take her out first. She was all over me.

 **BabyBell (11:55):** she’s just like you isn't she? Fuck. I already fucked up.

 **BabyBell (11:56):** O! please don’t ignore me.

 **BabyBell (11:56):** Fuck, Octavia. I love you. I’m sorry.

As she read, another message came through.

 **BabyBell (11:59):** I’m sorry. You’re right. It doesn't change anything. She is still amazing and you are the wisest person I know.

Octavia laughed as she wiped away the tears. Clarke took the phone from her hands and her and Lexa read through the conversation. They shared a knowing look, and Lexa turned slightly pale.

Shaking their head, they looked at the teen. Their greens eyes were playful but still serious.  “Can I just like move us all to a remote island an eliminate all these boys from your lives? Please?” they begged with folded hands and everything.

Octavia and Clarke just laughed.

“It’s so fluffy!” called out again as the bell rang for students to make their way to class, and Clarke handed the phone to Octavia.

 **BabyBell (12:00):** I am a dick. I am sorry that I didn’t come back for you and that I didn’t fight for you. But I am glad that you got Clarke. She’s better to you that mom ever was, and better than I could have been.

Octavia smiles broader this time and hands the phone to Clarke, who in turns smiles with a touch a sadness.

Pulling the girl in once more, she whispers, “You are the greatest gift of my life, kid.”

“I love you, Mom,” she answers and then pulls Lexa in too. “I love you too, Nontu.”

Lexa smiles and embraces the two Griffins, but pulls away just as the freshmen start to make their way into the room.

*****

Raven is showering when she hears the whistle of her phone. It had been hours since she had text Bellamy and in her desire to not send him another text she had busied herself cleaning the house.

With shampoo still in her hair, she jumped still wet from the shower and was glad to see that the message was from Bellamy. She didn’t care at this point what it said because she had resolved that no matter the message she wouldn’t let it break her down.

 **Blake (12:05):** I want to be cool and pretend that your message didn’t throw me off. But it did. I freaked out and my little sister just handed me my ass. So I need to say this first. You are amazing and I still want to take you out on Wednesday if you’re down. Second I am a dick for even doubting your amazingness. Third, I’m sorry for being a dick and I will try my best to not let it happen again.

Raven jumped at the response because no matter how much she had belittle the man internally, she really did want to date him.

 **Raven (12:07):** yes. We can still go out, dickhead. Looking forward to it.

 **Raven (12:08):** also, thanks. This has been a crazy few months for me and you have been amazing. I promise not to go crazy teenager on you. I have already been there and don't plan on going back. Im still just me.

 **Blake (12:09):** well you are pretty fucking hot and smart as hell

 **Raven (12:10):** you already have the date stop kissing my ass.

 **Blake (12:10):** but its suck a nice ass

 **Blake (12:10):** such not suck. Fucking autocorrect.

 **Raven (12:12):** you want to do what to my ass? LMAO jk

 **Blake (12:13):** I would love to do wonderful things to your ass in the future.

 **Blake (12:14):** if that's what you wanted

 **Blake (12:14):** that sounded wrong. I don't mean I would put it in your ass.

 **Blake (12:15):** I mean I don't assume you want me to put it anywhere.

 **Blake (12:16):** Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m just a mess.

 **Raven (12:17):** Ba ha ha! Let’s stick to not putting it anywhere for now. But last time was great.

 **Blake (12:18):** Its was. You did amazing things with your hips.

 **Raven (12:19):** I’m a girl of many talents. But I want you to like me for me. Not because I can fuck you well.

 **Blake (12:20):** I do like you for you, and I don’t plan on fucking again until you say you’re mine.

Raven read the message twice, unsure of how to respond. Throwing caution to the wind she asked the question.

 **Raven (12:25):** so you want me to be yours?

She watched as the three dots appeared and she waited as the cold air hitting her skin, causing goose bumps to pop up over her arms and chest. Looking into the mirror, she noticed how her body was beginning to even out and she held her hands under each of her breasts trying to decide if they were getting larger.

 **Blake (12:29):** When I first saw you I knew I wanted to know you more and that's weird for me. So yeah I think so. But let’s go on our first date, and then start talking possession.

Raven smiled at the text.

 **Raven (12:32):** Good plan. I have to get back into the shower now.

 **Blake (12:34):** Because I needed to think of you naked. Fuck.

 **Blake (12:34):** Fuck. You’re really hot naked.

 **Raven (12:35):** ;)

 Setting the phone down, she got back in the shower. She thought over Abby’s words to her, as she rinsed out the shampoo from her hair, and then added conditioner. While she waited for the conditioner to do its magic because Clarke really invested in magical hair shit, she slide her fingers between her thighs. Bringing herself to her own edge, she came down and thought, ‘I don’t need to sleep with him to like me. I’m fucking awesome.’

 *****

Clarke and Lexa settle into each other on the couch later that night. The girls had taken Clarke’s car to the frozen yogurt joint a few blocks away. Lexa pressed a kiss to the woman’s neck that was resting between their legs.

“Two more weeks of school,” the blonde let out with a breath of relief.

“What do you usually do for summer vacation?” Lexa asked. Still plotting their epic proposal.

“Well, O usually wants to play travel softball so that keeps us busy. But for the fourth of July we usually take a trip somewhere. Last year we went to Chicago for a week.” Clarke explained. Grazing her fingers over their clothed thigh, she added, “But O hasn’t said anything and I’m not pushing it.

Lexa thought about it and realized how they wanted to propose. They smiled and squeezed the woman into them closure. “I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere and get out of the fucking heat. Like up north.”

 

They could tell Clarke was thinking about it. Lexa wondered if Clarke was a woodsy type of person, so they tried, “Let’s rent a cabin, babe,” then added, “Get the girls away from all these boys.”

Clarke giggled and turned around so that she was awkwardly placed between Lexa’s legs, “I love that idea, Lexi. I’ll look into it and see what I can find.”

Pressing a kiss to the woman’s lips. They tilted their head slightly after a moment and deepened the kiss. Inching their way down the couch, they pull at Clarke until she is laying with her leg between Lexa’s. Their teeth bite down softly on the woman’s lower lip, eliciting an enticing moan from her.

“You are so beautiful, Clarke.”

Clarke did not respond, just ran her tongue over Lexa’s lips until her partner granted her entrance. She moved her hand down into the waistband of Lexa’s sweat pants.

“Babe, the girl’s will be back soon,” Lexa said as Clarke’s tongue eased over the pulse point that Clarke had surely just marked.

“Commander, I won so shut up and enjoy the orgasm I’m about to give you.”

Lexa sighed in pleasure as Clarke’s fingers pressed into them, and their hips moved up to take her deeper.

“Fuck, I love you,” they cried out as Clarke traced her thumb with generous pressure over the pronounced nub.

With slow and steady thrusts and rhythmic stroking, it took only for a few minutes to take Lexa to the edge, as they panted out various explicates in Spanish.

Pulling her hand from their pants, Clarke slipped her fingers in her mouth and sucked Lexa’s climax clean.

The girls came in just in time to see Clarke’s fingers enter her mouth and moan out, “mmmm”

“That is hot,” the older said, eyes wide and mouth left hanging open.

At the same time, the younger cried out, with a hand across her eyes, “I think I’m going to be sick.”

Clarke jumped, falling from the couch, while Lexa laughed out, “I told her you guys would be home soon!”


	54. Chapter 54

Tuesday was always a quiet day as the opening weekly rush was done on Monday and the chaos of Family Pizza Night was left for Wednesday. This Tuesday was quieter than usual though because all of the females were at the mall, leaving Lexa gratefully at home and away from the turmoil of shopping.

They were searching through the Once fan fics hoping to find the story that they knew Clarke had been writing for the past few months, but were unsuccessful thus far. They had failed to guess what her username was and the task for becoming to say the least daunting.

 _Ping!_ pulled Lexa from their search, and they noticed Kwen Klarke displayed on the illuminated screen. They swiped over her name and saw a selfie of the blonde with the girls all wearing cowboy hats. 

 **Kwen Klarke (5:24):** No summer softball. We are thinking rustic lodge.

 **Commander (5:26):** only if I get you in just that hat and a matching pair of boots for one night.

 **Kwen Klarke (5:26):** ;)

Lexa searched through and found a possible hit for Clarke’s story when they read through the description and noticed the tags for genderqueer character and catfish. Clicking on the story, Lexa began to read a familiar dialogue.

‘She used our comments.’

Lexa continued to read through the story that was clearly more autobiographical than fiction, and something tugged at the back of their consciousness. The depiction of them from Clarke was interesting as she tried to balance the real person them to the commenter. Both characters were overly tense and truly troubled.

‘Is this how she sees me?’

But their reading was interrupted by another _Ping!_

 **Kwen Klarke (5:38):** Have you spoken with Ryder?

Lexa rubbed their face trying to brush away their frustration. They hadn’t spoken to Ryder since Saturday, and he had left still not having their permission to come back. But they did need to work out the details as to Saturday.

 **Commander (5:43):** Should we take the girls with us?

 **Kwen Klarke (5:44):** We haven’t spoken to them about it. Do you want me to ask them?

Lexa considered whether it would be good for the girls to witness this first interaction. At the same point they wondered if it would be better to show their parental units what they will miss out on if this meeting goes bad.  Their contemplation took longer than expected. They made their decision when another _Ping!_ came through.

 **Kwen Klarke (5:50):** Lexi?

 **Commander (5:50):** Ask them.

They waited, turning their attention back to the story. The more they read, the more frustrated they became. It was too real. Clarke had written the GQ character as a runner. Parallels too close for comfort, Lexa realized they may as well have been reading a diary version of what Clarke’s early reactions to them had been.

But the diary was not all butterflies and first kisses.

More tears and uncertainty were present.

And then they read the line that caused them to shutter and slam down the top of the lap top.

“Emma realized that there was a large possibility that Regina may just be a rebound; a desperate attempt to move on from Hook.”

*****

Clarke and Abby sat on the bench as the girls were coming in and out of the dressing room. Octavia, as usual, was the first out of the room. Clarke hated how short the shorts were, but there were few in the store that didn’t irritate her at the amount of leg that they showed.

Raven was more hesitant to leave the room, and Clarke again wished that the fashion statement of this generation were not to show their entire leg off. Sighing heavily, she waited for the girls to decide if they liked the pair they each had on.

Raven was the first to speak. “Too short,” she said standing in front of the older women tugging at the inside of their thighs trying to pull them down lowers.

“They’re meant to be short,” Octavia stated confidently, turning around to see her ass in the mirror.

“But do they have to be that short?” Clarke implored hoping that Raven could talk the younger one out of them.

“Mawm, it’s the style,” Octavia said with a slight whine.

“I don’t like the style,” Raven answered, and shifted her attention to Clarke.  “Can’t I just get jeans?”

Clarke smiled, “Of course!” Abby nudged her with an elbow and laughing. Clarke knew that it was just over teen years ago when she was putting up the same fight to buy shorts that were just short.

Octavia challenged, “You can’t wear jeans all summer. Plus Bell loves legs.” The last remark made Clarke cringe and knew that if Lexa had been here there was no way Octavia would be leaving with anything that showed her skin above her knees.

Raven looked at Abby, who met her eyes, and then turned back to her sister. With shoulders back she answered, “I don’t dress for Bellamy. I dress for me. If he wants my legs he will have to take them the way I want to show them.”

Clarke looked up at Raven and then back at Abby. Seeing her mother’s eyes reflecting nothing but pride, she turned her attention back to Octavia who was a little deflated.

Octavia turned to look in the mirror. Clarke could see her turning over Raven’s words and analyzing her own body. She thought about the number of times she had personally stood in front of the mirror chastising herself for not having the model figure that someone else would want.

Slowly and quietly, the teen said, “Why don’t we try some capris?”

Clarke got up and went to where Octavia stood looking at herself in the mirror. She wrapped an arm around the young girl’s waist. Together they stood there.

“We are a very attractive family, don’t ya think?”

The teen nodded.

“So if you like the shorts, then get the shorts. She just likes jeans. But buy them for their comfort not because you want Lincoln to spend the whole day staring at your ass,” she said to their reflections.

Octavia nodded again and turned to the side.

“They are a little short though,” she stated.

Clarke laughed and nodded, “Yeah, but you're the one that is going to wear them.”

Octavia laughed and returned to the dressing room. While the girls were changing, Clarke received Lexa’s message to ask the girls about Saturday.

“Hey girls,” she called into the rooms. They each called back a ‘yeah?’

Taking a deep breath, she said, “Lexa and I will be having dinner with Lexa’s parents for the first time since Lex left home many years ago.”

Before she could finish Raven stuck her head through the curtain and looked at Clarke.

“Why?” she questioned, her face twisted in confusion.

“Alexi told them that they are in Phoenix and that she saw them. They want to meet us all. Would you both like to come?” Clarke asked.

Octavia came out of the dressing room, this time the shorts were not as short.

“I like those better, O,” Clarke said nodding her head in approval.

Raven ducked back into the room, and reemerged a few moments later wearing a pair of cargo shorts that looked as though they may have come from the guy’s side.

“I like these,” she said.

Clarke stuck out her lower lip and smiled with her eyes. “Looks good to me.”

“Me too,” Abby added her own approval.

Octavia rolled her eyes, and stated in exasperation, “You are just like them.”

Raven looked at her sister and smiled broadly. Then responded, “Dude, they have a killer body and look amazing in everything! Damn straight I want to be just like them.”

Clarke held up her phone, and said, “Let me send Lexa a picture of you two.”

They posed, each sticking out their tongue at the camera. Clarke took a few and picked the best one. Sending it over to Lexa, she added, “They miss you!”

 **Commander (6:10):** Tell O those are too short. Tell Raven, I am stealing those when she gets home.

Clarke laughed, and looked to the younger one, “Lexa says too short.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, and whined, “But they’re not here so I can’t I get what I want?”

Clarke laughed and nodded, after all Lexa didn’t say no.

“So girls? I need to know if you want to go on Saturday.”

Octavia called out, “Yep. I have to see where Nontu gets all their uptightness from.”

Raven asked Clarke, having not moved into the dressing room yet, “Is this a good idea?”

“I think its what they want.”

Raven turned over the information in her mind, then said, “Okay, then yes.”

******

Lexa had moved back to the computer and continued reading the story. The more they read the more frustrated they became. They read all of Clarke’s insecurities about being in a relationship with someone that is genderqueer and they couldn’t help but see Costia in Clarke at the moment.

The words echoed in their head, ‘why can’t you just be normal?’

The _Ping!_ came again.

 **Kwen Klarke (6:15):** the girls want to come.

Lexa pressed their head back to the couch. They contemplated everything they saw and wondered how they had been so oblivious to Clarke’s insecurity about being with them. Then they realized that for the past few months they had been everything for Clarke.

Looking around the house, they saw Clarke. Nothing in this house was theirs. Everything was Clarke, but they couldn’t see them.

They thought, ‘She loves you. Don’t doubt this. She is a writer, they exaggerate to tell a story.’

And then, ‘But she is writing about us. Our life.’

Pulling the phone back up from the couch they text Ryder, “The girls would like to come with us on Saturday and I think Abby will be coming as well. Where are we meeting?”

After a minute, they sent another message, “And you should bring Alexi over tomorrow. I think her cousins miss her.”

Once the messages were sent, Lexa moved from the couch into the shower. They cooled their body in the luke warm water, since even the tap water was now no lower than 85 degrees. They were in a better state of mind by the time the family returned loaded with shopping bags.

Lexa moved into the kitchen as the girls pulled out the various items from the bag. Raven showed Lexa her new shorts and then pulled another pair from the bag that matched for them.

“No stealing my clothes, Nontu,” she said with a broad smile.

It turned out that Clarke had purchased quite a few various items for Lexa, promising that if anything was just ‘not their thing’ she would take it back. Overall though, Clarke had done a pretty fantastic job of picking out clothes that Lexa approved of, the only shirt that was to go back was because it was just a size too large, that their smaller build was lost in it.

*****

Wednesday came and so did Ryder with the little Lexa look alike in tow. Lexa was correct in the assumption that the older girls had missed her. They were all over the second they walked in the door and even presented her with new outfit that they had found when shopping with Clarke the night before.

Lincoln of course was present with the rest of Octavia’s school friends, and Lexa worried about Raven starting school and not having anyone but Octavia. But they watched as Raven blended in with the kids that were more her age and comfort warmed them some.

Bellamy was the last to arrive, but as soon as he walked in the door, Raven was at his side, placing a small kiss on his cheek. Lexa glared at him, but their gaze shifted as they felt Ryder sidle up next to them.

“Do we like him?” he asked, his jaw also tense with fierce green eyes also staring at the large tanned boy-man.

“We have to like him. He is Octavia’s brother. But I do feel I need to scare the shit out of him,” they say quietly.

Ryder folds his hands across his chest, “I can help you know.”

Before either had the chance to move and make an awkward scene, Clarke pushed through the pair, glancing back at them. She whispered, “Watch and see how it’s done, guys.”

And they did watch.

They watched the blonde walk up the fluffy haired boy and hug him.

They watched as she whispered something into his ear.

They watched as she pushed at the boy a little but held him at arms distance.

They watched as his face paled and mouth dropped open in shock.

Then they watch Clarke move away, and the boy instinctively covered his cock with one hand as he tried to recover from whatever Clarke had said to him.

Turning to the blonde that took back her resident post at the counter making pizzas, Lexa watched in aw as Clarke never broke her smile. She laughed with the kids, and shook a spoon at Monroe.

Finally the Trikru siblings leaned over the counter, and Lexa asked, “What did you say?”

Clarke continued to smile but spoke quietly so the rest of the guests would not hear her words. Pointing with a spoon to the fire place, she whispered calmly, “I told him that he can date my daughter all he wants but if he hurts her I will cut off his dick and no matter how hot this summer I will roast it on a stick in that fireplace and feed it to Autumn.”

Ryder and Lexa both squeezed their thighs together and also turned slightly pale.

“Fuck,” Ryder said glancing towards Lexa. They just returned his gaze and nodded.

*****

At some point Bellamy found himself asking to speak to Lincoln outside privately. Lincoln had obliged his girlfriend’s brother without hesitation. When they were alone, each sitting on a patio chair, Bellamy began the conversation.

“Has Clarke ever-“

Lincoln didn’t even wait for him to finish, “threaten to roast my dick on the fire and feed it to the dog. Yeah, man. And don’t doubt it. Momma G is scary when angry.”

Bellamy nodded once again, reaching down just to check himself.

They sat there for another minute, “Is that it, man?”

“No,” Bellamy answered, not sure how to ask what he wanted to know. Taking he deep breath, he just exhaled the words, “How do I treat Raven right after all she has been through?”

Lincoln looked at him questioningly, with a slight tilt to his head. “You’re asking me how to date a girl? Aren’t you like big serial dater?”

Bellamy laughed, because it was true. He had never had a problem finding a girl to bed him. His pride in this puffed up his chest momentarily until he remembered the last girl he found to bed him, was the one now that he was worried about mistreating. This was Raven.

“But she is like O. I want to be careful. And I really like her,” he stated.

It was Lincoln’s turn to inhale and sigh. He rubbed a hand over his shaved olive head. “Dude, you’re not allowed to punch me.”

Bellamy shifted uncomfortably, but nodded.

So Lincoln continued, “They are different. There are things you really can’t say or do. And they will sometimes go to these deep dark places. You have to go into this with the reality that you may never, and I mean NEVER, tap that ass.”

“I already have though,” Bellamy says quietly.

“But that was different. She was using you, then. You know it. She knows it. O knows it. So that means I know it.”

Lincoln moved his chair so he is facing him, “Let her lead the way. I mean you still plan dates and be romantic and shit, but just remember none of those dates or hanging out is to get some. She will come to you when she is ready. And there will be a few points where she’ll act like she is ready, but dude she really is not. She just thinks you will leave her if she is not ready. That's where you reassure her that you can wait for her.”

Bellamy nodded, trying not to punch the kid who obviously was talking from experience. Experience with his sister.

‘Did this guy fuck my sister? I’ll kick his ass.’

Lincoln looked at Bellamy’s hands that were bawling into fists. Holding up his own hands in surrender for the second time this week, he said, “We haven’t gone all the way dude and you promised no punching.”

Bellamy looked up, exhaled and then said, “Continue.”

Lincoln waited to make sure Bellamy was still in a place to listen. When the fists turned flat, he continued, “So they think that the only way someone will love them is by fucking them. So you don’t fuck them. EVER. For real. Never.”

Bellamy breathed a little easier now, until Lincoln continued that is.

“When they come to you and say they are ready, you make sure that they are there with you. There is no sadness hidden in their gaze. It will be hard, because man does it get hard sometimes. They are so pretty and had a bad day and they just kind of throw themselves at you. You can’t do it then. You have to wait. You know when you see their eyes are like completely black and all they want is you. It is not about you thoug. She needs to know that this about her. That you are there for her. Then that time, you just make her see stars and you handle you later.”

And with that Bellamy can’t handle the conversation anymore and Lincoln takes a punch to the face.

“You took my sister to the stars,” he growled, pushing his chair back as he pushed up to a standing position. Lincoln held the side of his face momentarily, and then pushed himself up from his chair.

“You asked for help,” Lincoln growled back, and returned the punch.

When Bellamy recovered with the taste of iron in his mouth, he ran towards Lincoln linebacker style, sending both of them fully clothed into the pool. The splash brought Lexa and Ryder out from the house first.

“What the fuck is going on,” Clarke yelled, third through the door at a run. The two girls following behind, along with the rest of their friends and a few teacher.

“He hit me!” Lincoln said pointing at the older boy.

“He touched my sister!” Bellamy hissed, and Octavia’s face grew angry. She moved to the side of the pool and helped Lincoln out of the pool and into the house. Not speaking to her brother at all.

Raven looked at Bellamy, a sadness in her eyes. She just shook her head and moved back into the house. As the colder water embraced him, he realized that overall he had fucked up. And now he wasn’t even in a position to take Raven out, since he was drenched.

As he emerged from the pool, Clarke grabbed him by the ear. She pulled him into Abby’s studio, yelling the entire time for everyone else to go back inside and eat. Once it was just him, Clarke, Lexa and Abby in the separate living space, Clarke released his ear.

“You inconsiderate little shit,” Clarke berated him. “You managed to let everyone know that Octavia and Lincoln are intimate, and that is none of anyone’s, especially yours, business.”

Lexa laid into him next, “Not to mention, that you just demonstrated that you a fucking douche. You punched a kid five years younger than you are. A teenager whose mother could press charges against you for assault. Do you ever think before you act?” And Bellamy knew this is their jab for having caught him and Raven naked a few weeks ago.

“I was just mad that he touched her. I asked him how to navigate dating a girl with a history like my sister and he told me he took her to the stars. I just saw red, because she has been through so much, she doesn’t need someone touching her.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, before she took another few jabs at him. “You're a hypocrite Bell. I’ve heard you talk about all of your conquests to O. You perpetuate the very icon of what it means to be douchebag one nightstand.  So save your shit for someone else, because every girl you ever fucked had a story. And several of them are probably similar to O or Raven-“

Bellamy’s eyes fall to the floor as he fully absorbs what Clarke is saying. She was right. The last girl he had bragged about Octavia called Moaning Roma. He had taught her that women were just objects and he began to hate himself.

“Lay off him,” Raven said from the doorway, and he moved his gaze to her without lifting his head. He decided he didn’t deserve this girl. “He already got punched in the face. And we all know Lincoln is stronger than he is.”

Lexa turned to Raven, “Ray, I don’t want you dating him. You were worried you would be too young for him, but it is clear he is not stable enough for you.”

Raven looked at her parent and shook her head, “He has a good heart, Nontu. He is just an idiot.”

Lexa looked up in exasperation, and Bellamy could hear that Lexa was frustrated just from their breathing.

‘I fucked up.’

Then he said, “I fucked up. I am sorry, Raven. I’m sorry Clarke and Lexa for bringing violence into your home. I’m sorry.”

And with each apology he broke a little more. Until he choked, and tears became to fall lightly because he was a man and he wasn’t suppose to cry. But that didn’t matter because nothing anyone could do could stop him from crying. Because he may be a man, but no one was judging his tears in this moment.

He cried tears for hitting the boy, but mostly for letting the girl down. For not being the brother he had promised to be when his mother died. For trying to make up for it in all the wrong ways.

Lexa watched as the girl kneeled beside him, holding his crumpled form to her chest. Clarke witnessed the girl demonstrate just how mature she was, leaving no doubt for the crying man that she was worth the wait.

“It’s okay, Bell. We’re all damaged some way or another. But we learn and we grow,” she whispered.

They watched as Bellamy regained his composure. He looked ashamed, so Lexa moved to him and placed a hand on each of his forearms. “You need to apologize to Lincoln. And you need to treat my daughter right. Take a lesson from that boy because he really has done nothing but treat your sister with complete respect.”

Looking up at them, Bellamy saw what the two teens loved about Lexa. And he considered maybe he needed a Nontu and Clarke as well. “And Bell, its okay to cry. We all cry.”

Without thinking, he wrapped his large arms around Lexa and hugged them. Clarke laughed as she saw Lexa’s eyes widen and body stiff some, still unfamiliar with bodily contact from those outside the immediate family.

Clarke mouthed, “Hug him back.” And Lexa huffed out but returned the embrace.

When he released them, he looked to Abby who had been standing by quietly. She looked at the boy with narrow eyes and then to the others in the room.

“How about you guys go check on Lincoln, and I will check out Bellamy’s face?”

The other’s nodded, including Raven, and left the room. Abby pointed to a chair and Bellamy sat in it.

“So that girl is very special to me,” she said putting more pressure than necessary on his bruised jaw. He winced in pain. “You will take good care of her, because clearly she cares about you. But I want some insurances made as well.”

He looked up at her, pulling his face from her hands.

She took a step back, “It has been brought to my attention that you clearly have more experience than necessary for dating my granddaughter. And because of that I am giving you a week to produce for me the lab results for a full STD work up. I know they will offer them at the Student Health Center on campus. I know Lincoln told you how to get to a point that she will allow you to have sex with her, but I want to make sure that she is protected from all your past poor choices.”

Bellamy balked at her. When her glare did not falter, he nodded. But he wondered how much power Grandma Griffin really had.

She walked him back to the house, and whispered before entering the door, “And don’t doubt my power, boy. Lexa and Clarke may be frightening but I have many years on top of those two’s plotting of how to dispose of unwanted boyfriends.”

And she walked through the door, leaving him once again standing with his mouth open and a hand guarding his cock.


	55. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By far my longest chapter yet. I am heading off to vacation tomorrow. Be gone for a week. Sorry.

Raven came into the living room hoping to be able to use Clarke’s computer, but found that the blonde seated on the couch typing away. Looking over, she caught sight of Lexa’s computer unoccupied.

“Can I use Nontu’s computer? I need to finish my statement,” she asked.

Clarke just hummed a yes, barely looking up from what she was working on. Raven didn’t try and stop her, she knew that the woman was a writer and needed to stay in the zone of whatever she was writing or she would be grumpy. She had learned that lesson the hard way once before, vowing never to let it happen again.

When the computer came to life, it was open to the last page that Lexa had been reading. Raven is not sure why but something caught her attention, so she read a little bit. Slowly she realized that she was reading something that Clarke had written. Something that Clarke had posted. And as she read, she glanced over at the blonde, oblivious to anything going on around her.

As she read more, she became uncomfortable.

And when she got to the line about rebounding, she stopped and glared at Clarke.

The vibration of her phone stopped her glare though, as she looked to see Disney across the screen. When she slid her finger across the screen and read the message, her stare went straight back to Clarke.

“What in the actual fuck, Mom?” she stated, pulling an equally glaring Clarke from her own focus.

*****

Octavia and Lexa were headed home from the gym. The teen had been begging Lexa to take her with them all week, but Lexa had been broody and not relenting, until she had stationed herself in the Audi refusing to move that afternoon. Overall the workout had been hard, and Octavia was exhausted.

The radio was blasting loudly, and Octavia looked at Lexa to see them mouthing the words to the song.

“Why am I the one always packing up my stuff. For once for once, I feel like I’m right where I belong…”

Octavia absorbed the words of the song, and wondered if this was a product of meeting the Trikrus. She began to regret imposing herself on Lexa’s time, but as she was falling into the song, Lexa hit the next button, and another equally depressing melody was pumping through the speakers.

She looked over at Lexa to see them singing with this one as well.

“Stupid girl. I should have known. I should have known.”

If Octavia had not been so a tuned to Lexa, she would have missed the tear running down their face on the opposite of their face.

If she had not been so focused, she would have missed Lexa shifting their hands so that only one hand gripped the steering wheel while the other pretended to support their head, while it actually was wiping away the trace of emotion.

Octavia almost jumped when Lexa moved quickly and hit the next button again.

Lexa didn’t lip sync this time, instead Cher’s voice just filled the car with the soft piano behind her.

“They can say that… I won’t stay around. But I’m going to stand my ground. You’re not going to stop me. You don’t know me. You don't know who I am. Don’t count me out just yet…”

This time there was no hiding the tears, and Octavia didn’t miss that Lexa passed the turn to their house.

Octavia pulled out her phone, she sent a message to Raven.

*****

Raven was thrusting the phone in Clarke’s face.

 **Disney (5:38):** What the fuck is going on with Nontu. We are in the car and they are singing to the breakup playlist from hell.

“What the fuck did you do?” Raven accused causing Clarke to back up slightly and take the phone from the girl. Clarke read through the message once.

Then again.

And then again.

‘What is going on?’ but before she could even ask, Raven is pushing Lexa’s computer at her with glaring eyes.

Clarke glanced at the screen and immediately the shock, widened her eyes as she read through the words.

The words she wrote.

The words of her insecurities.

The words that she had let out, coming to terms with her new life.

She looked back up at Raven, who had moved from the table and was pacing the entry way. The girl was angry and every movement she made let Clarke know that she was on the verge of bubbling over.

“Baby-“ but Raven held up her a hand freezing and standing to face Clarke.

“What the fuck did you do?” but then, “You said they were a fucking rebound and that you were weirded out by them for being them.”

Clarke opened her mouth to speak, but the teen just kept going. “I thought that I had finally found where I am suppose to be, and you don’t even want us. You don’t know how to…” she paused pulling the computer from Clarke’s grip, “handle these people that barged into your home putting on a full assault to everything you knew.”

As the final word fell from Raven’s mouth, so did the first tear. But it didn’t even make it to the tip of her nose, before Raven was smearing it away. A mask of sheer anger replacing the previously distraught one.

“I don't have to be here. You chased me down. You chased Nontu down. And you put on your pretty fucking smile. Your fake ass fucking smile and pretended you wanted us. But we’re just your new project aren’t we. The jokes on us. We thought you loved us and really you were just using us to write another best seller. Is that it, Clarke?”

And the name bit into the woman. She had gone from Mom to just another person in a matter of a minute.

“Raven, please,” Clarke begging getting up from the table, but when she approached the girl to embrace her, Raven pushed her away.

“I thought you were everything. But you’re no better than any of us. You’re just as fucking broken. Just as fucked up. And you are probably about to lose the best person in your life before Octavia, and they don't do anything but love the fuck out of you. But you don’t deserve it because you’re selfish and controlling and you don’t think that your fucking actions have consequences.”

*****

Octavia waits for a response but she doesn’t get one. She stares ahead. Afraid to meet Lexa’s eyes. Afraid that Lexa may break and she may be the one to have to pick up the pieces.

But Lexa doesn’t break.

Lexa drives them to Starbucks.

Lexa orders Clarke’s favorite drink first. Then hers. Then Ravens.

Lexa doesn’t order anything for themself, just wipes at their face until there is no indication that they had been crying.

Octavia watches as Lexa puts on their usual mask of indifference. She sees Lexa smile at the girl in the drive thru and humors her slightly with a, “I’m fine,” followed by a, “How are you?”

When they are out of the drive thru, Lexa takes a sip of Raven’s drink. The only one that they can really stand.

Octavia doesn’t say a word.

Just waits.

And waits.

The car is silent because Lexa hasn’t turned the music back on since they ordered. Octavia thinks she feels the air heating in the car, but then realizes that it is just her worry that is causing her to be hot, because the car’s AC is blowing full blast.

The silence becomes too much for the teen. Looking at Lexa, she finally breaks the silence.

“Can I pick the next song?” and without a word, Lexa hands the girl their phone and she scrolls through her options.

She finds one with the message she wants Lexa to hear, she pushes play and reaches over tentatively to turn up the volume. Pausing until Lexa nods that it is okay to touch the nod.

The song had already begun, but Octavia knew all the words. So she started to sing where it began.

“Just like a picture with a broken frame. Alone and helpless like you’ve lost your fight. But you’ll be already… You’ll be alright.”

She looks at Lexa as the chorus begins, “Cause when push comes to shove you taste what you’re made of you might bend ‘til break cause its all you can take. On your knees you look up and decide you’ve had enough. You get mad. You get strong, wipe your hands shake it off… Then you stand.”

*****

Raven’s hands clench and unclench. She runs them through her hair and grips at the roots, pulling slightly.

Everything in her hurts. She hurts for Lexa, the silent loving parent that would never let anyone know that they were hurt. She hurts for herself, and all that she could lose if Lexa walks away. She hurts for this home that she had constructed in apparently her imagination, because Clarke was not the person she thought she was.

Clarke is crying, but Raven doesn’t care this time. She remembers the last time Lexa left. Clarke sobbed for hours. Clarke really was hideous when she sobbed. The pretty pale face turned red and it smooshed into unflattering angles.

But Raven decided she deserved to cry right now. She deserved to feel some of the pain that she had caused her parent. Some of the pain she had caused her.

“They loved you. They were going to propose to you!” she spits out at Clarke and watched as the woman broke a little more.

“I can’t believe you!” she yelled, watching Clarke sinking to the floor. When she hits the ground, Raven dug their imaginary blade a little deeper. “But that ‘s all you really care about right. The ring. You’ll fuck anyone that will play house with you.”

*****

Lexa pulled into the drive way and put the car into park. They didn’t move though. Neither did the teen. They just sat in the car that was still running. The song changed to “Stand Up” by Sugarland. Lexa wanted to laugh at the accuracy of the song’s demand, but they couldn’t. Everything was on fire.

They hadn’t wanted the girl to see them like this. They had been using their time to sort through the convoluted emotions that were pulsing through them. But she had insisted on coming and refused to get out of the car.

They were in the car for the whole song, before Octavia broke the silence again.

“You have to come inside,” the girl said not looking at them.

Lexa inhaled, and internally screamed, ‘Why does everyone think that I am going to run away!’

They turned their sharp eyes to see the girl that was staring forward with her own glassy eyes staring at the garage door in front of them. Lexa took in the way the girl sat, not leaving the car.

‘She won’t get out until I do. She really thinks I will just drive away.’

Lexa watches Octavia longer and finally the girl turns her now tear stained face to them. She whispers, “What ever it is we can work it out.”

When Lexa doesn’t say anything, she adds, “We’re a family. You can’t just leave us.”

Lexa bite their lower lip and then finally spoke, “I’m not going to leave unless she asks me too. But I don’t know if she really loves me. I don’t know if she sees me or just someone to be there for her.”

Octavia met their eyes and didn’t blink. “She loves fully. I don’t know why you would think that she doesn’t love you, but you’re her like life.”

Lexa shakes their head, “No kid, you’re her life. I am someone that has taken up residence in her bed.”

They watched as the sadness left the girl and her face hardened. She glared at the impassive face before her, and said coldly, “You can’t honestly be that fucking stupid.”

Their face too hardened at the way the girl just spoke to them. Through gritted teeth, they hissed, “You don’t get to speak to me like that.”

Octavia huffed and stared back, before stating, “You just called my mom a slut. So I can say whatever the fuck I want.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Might as well have. I mean if you’re just her resident fuck buddy, why let you adopt me? If I’m her fucking life, then she would really be stuck with you. And I can’t image the sex is that good if you have beat her to get her off,” the teen stated casually as though she didn’t just shoot an arrow through Lexa’s heart.

“Get out, Octavia,” they said sternly, shifting their gaze back the garage door, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

Octavia laughed and then shot another arrow, “Why so I can watch you walk out on us again. So I can watch her curl up in a ball and cry herself to sleep for days again. Fuck that. I’m not moving.”

Anger welled in them, and this time they yelled, “Get the fuck out now!”

“No. I’m not giving up on this family. Even if you are!” she screamed back.

*****

But Clarke was already crying in a ball, only on the tile floor as Raven paced around her, striking her with everything the girl had in her arsenal.

Words that hurt more than punches. Words like inconsiderate and selfish, to more painful terms like fake and slut.

It wasn’t pretty.

It was cruel and Raven knew it.

But she wanted Clarke to feel her pain. Their pain.

They were about to unleash more when Lexa pushed through the front door in their own fury, holding the flimsy trey of drinks. They looked from Clarke to her and back to Clarke.

Octavia followed through the door and immediately went to her mother that was crying on the floor. Hugging her and begging her to tell her what was wrong. Octavia glared at Raven and then at Lexa.

The teen’s eyes told Lexa that this was their fault. They made her mother cry again. But Raven knew that it wasn’t their fault.

“This is on her,” Raven said holding her finger to Clarke who was still sobbing. Octavia shifted her anger to Raven and Raven could see that the anger was not fresh, and when she glanced over at Lexa she saw that the fight had already begun outside.

“What the fuck is wrong with you both!” the teen yelled at both of them.

Raven didn’t hold back as she fired at Octavia, “She has been writing our whole fucking lives for people online. But its not the happy life she pretends to have with us. No she calls Nontu a rebound, me a fuckign train wreck and you the little fucked up princess. She doesn’t care about anyone but her fucking self!”

Lexa stands by and listens. With a glance at the table they see their computer open on the table and they know what Raven found. They move to the table and set down the drinks.

“Enough,” they say calmly, as their hands hit the table and they push themself up to fully height. The word is a command that causes Clarke to swallow her tears, Octavia to close her mouth, and Raven to bite down on her lower lip until she tastes blood.

Lexa moves to Clarke and picks her up, holding the woman at a slight distance. “We will talk but not now. I am too angry.” When Clarke nods, Lexa releases her.

Turning to Raven, they glare harshly, “No matter how angry you are, there is no way in hell it should equal to a full assault leaving your mother on the floor in tears.”

And Raven spits out the last words she know will hurt the woman.

“She’s not my mother, but even if she was I guess it fits. I always get the short end of the stick when it comes to mothers.”

Lexa doesn’t see it coming. Raven sees it but owns its.

Octavia has launched herself the two steps to Raven and slaps her hard. When Raven recovers from the hit, she glares at the teen as they stand just a foot from each other. Octavia’s chest full ready to take the thinner girl.

Lexa pushed between them, alternating angry glares at each of them. “Enough I said. Both of you go to your rooms and stay there. I don’t want to see either of you out here until I come to speak with you.”

“Fuck that,” Raven hissed, “I’m a fucking adult. You can’t tell me what to do.” Her hands are up in a bring it on position.

And its Lexa’s turn to lose control some, but they do so only with volume, “You can legally be an adult all you want but you live in Clarke’s fucking house, so you will show her respect.”

“I don’t have to be here,” Raven said back, feeling betrayed because she was defending them. And they were taking _her_ side.

Octavia was the one to answer though, “You don’t have to. You can run away just like they do. You want to be so much like them. Just go then. I can’t believe I defended you.”

Not giving Raven a chance to respond, the teen moved from the living room down the hall to her bedroom and slammed her door. The picture of the family that Clarke had just put up a few days prior, fell from the entry table face down, and they could hear the glass break. Lexa looked to the frame and back at Raven.

Shaking their head in anger, they looked to the ground, then back to the girl. They brought their hands up to their face, rubbing then stopping their hands over their mouth. Exhaling, trying to buy time before they said anything.

A weak voice broke through the heavy breathing, as the blonde took a step towards them, “You’re an adult Raven, and if you want to leave you can but this will always be your home when you want to come back.”

Once the words were out, Clarke moved to the table and put the picture back upright, broken frame and all. She looked at it just for a moment and then moved towards her own bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Lexa went over and picked up the photo and opened the frame. Taking the snap shot from it, they handed it to Raven.

“She’s right. You can do what you want. But this is what you’re leaving. I did that once before. And look at me. I’m a fucking mess. I don’t know how to talk to anyone. I don’t know how to let people in. I don’t know much of anything besides the fact that I have a pretty good thing here and if I can talk to that woman and figure out what I am missing from what she was doing, then I have a chance of still being the person that she will love forever. And I can’t imagine a better place to be.”

They turned, but they spoke again, “I have been in a lot of really rough spots. I watched someone that I loved walk away from me because I couldn’t be who she wanted. Clarke has never asked me to be anyone but me. Just like she never asked you to be anyone but you. But this person that I saw tonight from you is dark and it will hurt you if you let this anger just build in you and you lash out at people. You hurt her. You hurt the kid. So walk away if you’re still too young to know that running away never fixes things. It just teaches others that you can’t be trusted not to run.”

And then they walked away.

Leaving Raven with the photo in her hand. The four of them squeezed together in a booth at a restaurant. No similar noses. No similar eyes. Each unique but clearly a unit. Clearly a family.

Raven shed a silent tear without anyone there to see. She looked at her parents’ bedroom door that Lexa had disappeared in. She looked at the front door that was so close.

It would be so easy.

But it would never be easy.

She knew what lay on the other side of that door.

She choose the path less traveled. She walked to the bedroom that Clarke had just given to her even after she denied her. She walked into the room that was bright and colorful since she had finally begun to decorate. She fell to her bed and sobbed into the pillow, holding the now slightly crinkled photo to her chest.

*****

Clarke was in the shower, and Lexa could see the steam pouring from the room. The bathroom was so filled with the gaseous compound that they struggled to breath. The woman behind the curtain was sobbing and Lexa could hear her scrubbing at her skin.

Slowly, Lexa stripped. They stood in front of the mirror. They had to wipe away the moisture. But then they examined their tight muscled form. They took in the red tinted eyes from the tears that were shed in the car. They held their hands hand in front of their breasts and the hairless slit. This was them. This was Lexa. They hadn’t changed. They hadn’t lost anything. They were right where they were supposed to be.

They pushed the curtain back and took in the red skinned blonde whose face was still twisted in inner turmoil. Stepping into the shower, they pulled the curtain shut. Clarke turned and looked at them

She opened her mouth to speak but Lexa held up a finger, and gently shook their head. “It’s my turn.”

They waited from Clarke to give some indication that she was listening. She pulled Lexa’s hand down and pushed it between her legs, her eyes begging for Lexa to show her that they loved her. But this wasn’t love, and Lexa knew it. But they realized that this was love for Clarke.

“No, Clarke,” Lexa said.

But Clarke didn’t release their hand, instead she whispered, “I won. You said anyway I want and you have to obey.”

Lexa exhaled, knowing that this didn’t solve anything. But Clarke refused to release their hand, instead she grounder her hips into the hand.

Lexa gave into Clarke’s demands, and pressed her against the wall, thrusting three fingers into her. She quietly begged for more and harder and Lexa knew that she was punishing herself but they gave her what she asked her. They pulled one of her legs up and wrapped it around their waist while the used a thigh to help punish Clarke’s cunt at a harsh and quick speed. When they felt her collapse around them, they watched as tears fell from her eyes. They just held her there, as she came back, not helping her come down.

“Please don't leave me,” she whispered, and the rage within Lexa returned. They thrust into her again. The blue eyes widening as Lexa returns to their punishing pounding. This wasn’t about Clarke’s demand this was about Lexa’s anger and they let it take over them.

Lexa buries her head to Clarke’s ear, and says “This is love to you? Then I will never stop fucking you, Clarke. I’m not leaving you. I love you and if this is the only way to show you that, then this is what I will do for you.”

*****

Lexa’s words brought forth more tears from Clarke, because until now this was how she understood Lexa’s love for her. Lexa pumped into her again and again, bringing her to her edge and pushing her off.

Her body, tired from crying and climaxing, couldn’t stand anymore. Lexa pulled her from the shower, dried her off and took her to bed. Once she was laying down, Lexa was on top of her again, this time with a strap. Not waiting for any signals, Lexa buried themself within her and she took them, without question. She wrapped her legs around Lexa’s thrusting form and held on to Lexa’s neck. She tried to kiss them once, but Lexa pulled away and attacked her breasts with teeth and unremitting sucks.

Unable to look at the pain in Lexa’s eyes, Clarke turned her head giving Lexa full access to her neck. She felt as the teeth bit down on her. Leaving what she knew would be one hellish mark. There was nothing gentle about how Lexa fucked Clarke that night. They fucked her until she finally pushed them away, unable to take anymore. Lexa lay next to her, chest heaving up and down in exhausted from the relentless pace she kept. Lexa didn’t carress her or tell her she was prefect like usual, and Clarke knew that by not touching her Lexa was sharing their pain with her.

Finally Clarke met Lexa’s eyes.

“You’re not my rebound,” is the first thing she says. Thinking that is the most hurtful thing she said.

Lexa didn’t say anything just stared at Clarke, making her realized that is not what had hurt Lexa so much.

She tried again, “I love you. Lexa.”

Lexa stared at her, face unchanging. The face scared Clarke because this was the first time she couldn’t see Lexa soften at the words. ‘They don’t believe me.’

She presses a hand to Lexa’s cheek, but Lexa doesn’t move. The AC and air cause her body to shutter in cold, but even then Lexa doesn’t move. Clarke wonders what Lexa is thinking, but there is nothing for her to go off of.

“How do I fix this?” Clarke asks finally.

Lexa just looks at her. Clarke searches their face for something. Anything. But there is not a flinch of emotion. Their jaw doesn’t grind like it normally does when they are angry. Their eyes don’t do anything but blink, but they are not blinking back tears.

Finally they move from the bed and strip off the strap. They stand there completely naked. They hold up their arms.

“This is me, Clarke.”

They turn in a slow circle clockwise.

“I am a person in a female body. I don’t know what it means to be a girl. I don’t know what it means to be a guy.”

They stop turning.

“I’m just me. You said you were okay with that. But your story says something else.”

They drop their arms in defeat, and this time Clarke can see the pain, for they dropped their mask as well.

“I can’t be anything but me. If you can’t handle that, then I don’t understand why you let it get this far. Because Clarke, I love you. I love you so much. And its not because I can fuck you into repeated orgasms. I could love you with out sex, Clarke. Can you love me without it though?”

They raise their hands to their head and just as the girl had done earlier, Lexa pulled at the roots of their hair. They let out a frustrated, “Arhumph!”

Then they move.

They pace back and forth, “I am so hurt. I feel like you don’t even know me. I don’t understand why you think I am going to leave you. I don’t understand why you would tell me you are fine with me and then write about not being okay. I don’t understand…”

They exhale and stop, sitting on the edge of the bed. The tears come out, “I don’t understand and it hurts… soo… much.”

Clarke moves and wraps herself around the back of Lexa. Pressing kisses to their neck and shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Lex.”

She squeezes and feels Lexa wrap their arms around hers and hold her in place.

“I’m so sorry, Lex.”

“Why, Clarke? Why?”

Clarke struggled and pulled at why she would do what she did. Finally she spoke, “I just followed the story. It started out you and me, but I just let the character lead.”

“But Clarke, you wrote yourself as Emma. Emma was you. Which means all of your fears are you too. You are afraid of being with me, because I’m… because I’m…” but they can’t finished their sentence.

“Shush, shush,” Clarke tried to calm them, “Yes, she is a part of me. She’s the part of me that is uncertain, but that isn’t me. I am more than Emma Swam. I am more complete. And while I am broken, as our daughter pointed out tonight, I am not a two dimensional fictional representation. When we first met, I did wonder if your identity was something that would be a problem for me. But it isn’t Lexa. I came to realize that.”

She held Lexa as their chest heaved and they struggled to breath through their tears, “I am so hurt, Clarke. I never thought I could be hurt like this by you.”

Clarke cried this time too.

“I’m sorry, Lexa. I am so sorry. I fucked up,” she begged for forgiveness.

Lexa choked out, “Why?”

Clarke sobbed with them, “I don’t know. I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

*****

Octavia lay on her bed with headphone blaring angry rock music. Her mind struggled to make sense of the night’s events. How could Clarke hurt Lexa? How could Raven hurt Clarke? How could she strike out at Raven?

She hadn’t been in a fight in a long time. She thought she had finally learned to control that anger within her, but she had hit Raven.

Her heart was wounded. Damaged from everyone’s actions and words. She didn’t know if Raven would even be there for her to apologize. But she didn’t even know though if she wanted to apologize. Raven had hurt Clarke to the point that she was blubbing mess on the floor and Raven just kept hurting her.

Kept hurting her savior. She had to protect her.

Her thoughts are interrupted though.

*****

Raven couldn’t sit in the room anymore. She couldn’t just sit there and wait for Lexa to come see her. To tell her that she was wrong. She knew that she was wrong.

She was just so angry. At first she thought her anger was for Lexa, but at some point it stopped being about Lexa and started being about Clarke breaking up their home. Because as Lexa said. This is Clarke’s house. They only have each other because Clarke lets it happen. And it wasn’t right. This was Lexa’s house too. It was her house too. It was Octavia’s house. And Clarke was threatening it all.

She knew that was why she attacked Clarke. She wanted to feel some power. Some power in this place that she stopped beign independent and Clarke demanded her to conform to what her view of a child was. But she wasn’t a child, which means she didn’t have to sit in her room waiting for the talk of disappointment.

So she moved from the room. It was a subtle defiance but it made her feel powerful. She tried to be quiet when she knocked on Octavia’s door. When she got no answer she tried again, but still no answer.

Taking a chance that Octavia would not try to hit her again, she opened the door and saw the teen laying on her bed. She was facing the door, and Raven knew that she was waiting for Lexa as well.

“I couldn’t wait any longer,” she said softly.

“They’re still talking. They were fucking for a while, but now their talking,” the teen stated solemnly, dropping the headphones to the floor so that the room had music but not too loud that attention would be drawn their way.

“Dude, do we need to switch rooms so you don’t have to hear them fucking all the time?” Raven asked, taking another chance and stepping into the room. Sniffing the air ,she changed her mind. Octavia’s room stunk like sweaty socks at the moment, and Raven wasn’t sure how the girl was able to stand it.  

Octavia watched as Raven’s face scrunched up some and it caused her to laugh lightly. She moved to a sitting position giving Raven space on the bed.

“You got us in trouble, and I haven’t been able to leave to shower. I know, I stink.”

Raven sat on the end of the bed, “From the looks of it I was not the only one that was losing my shit when you got home.”

Octavia nodded, wishing that she could make this all Raven’s fault. She replied, “Yeah, I said some pretty shitty stuff. I wanted Lexa to come inside because I was convinced that they were going to drive away. So when they didn’t react I resorted to old tactics that always worked with Clarke and I struck with some pretty hateful shit.” Octavia remorse was written all over her face. But she smiled a little when she added; “I swear parents need us to be a dick every now and then because it knocks some sense into them.”

“I don’t know if Clarke is still going to want me after all I said to her,” Raven said as she breathed out. “I was way out of line.”

“So was I. Sorry I hit you,” she said looking at the floor.

Raven laughed, bringing her hand to her cheek that was still a little sensitive. “I deserved it.”

“Yeah, you kind of did,” Octavia laughed too.

“We good?” Raven asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, I hope so. I can’t have you running away either,” she said, looking at her sister.

*****

Lexa held onto to Clarke. They finally were starting to catch their breath. Clarke’s body pressed against their back warmed them, even though the pain of what had happened was still very present.

“Did I hurt you?” they asked, knowing that they had been very abusive with their pounding on Clarke’s body.

Clarke shifted a little, but Lexa held her so she couldn’t move away. She kissed Lexa’s shoulder, “I’ll be fine. I asked for it that is for sure.”

“That didn’t mean I should have done what I did,” Lexa answered back, feeling a tightening in their chest and throat. “It was wrong of me to take something that is so beautiful between us and taint it with anger.”

Clarke shook her head into Lexa’s back, “Lexa, we both did stupid shit. I asked for you to fuck me. You’re right. I thought if I let you fuck me, then you would still love me.”

“That’s not how it works, Clarke.”

“I know, Lexa,” she whispered. She did know now. She wondered why she hadn’t learned this lesson until she was almost thirty.

Lexa breathed in and out. Then they said, “I am still hurt and this is not fixed tonight. I need time to figure out why I was so upset, because it is not just you. It is my own insecurities as well. But now I have to go talk to the girls.”

Clarke let them pull away, and said, “I should go too.”

Lexa nodded and moved towards the door. But Clarke’s voice stopped them, “Lex.”

“Yeah?”

“You need clothes.”

*****

They dressed and moved to Raven’s room only to find it empty. Both of them looked at each other with a look of panic. They moved to the bathroom but it was empty. Clarke took the three steps to Octavia’s room and pushed open the door to find to very startled girls that have obviously moments before been sleeping.

Clarke looked at the wall and saw that the time read 12:45. ‘We went at it for a while.” Shaking her head at their carelessness, Clarke moved into the room, and took a seat next to Octavia, who folded herself into her mother.

Raven watched enviously, too afraid to move that Clarke would reject her after all of the things she had said.

Lexa pushed at Raven to make room from them on the bed too. Once seated, they pulled Raven into the crook of their arm and held her. Lexa bent down and whispered, “Stop turning green, kid.” Raven smiled at Lexa’s remark, and she wondered how Lexa knew what she was thinking so well.

The air was thinning as though the combinations of the bodies together once more pulled all the anger that was surrounding them and it was getting lighter.

“I was wrong to post that story,” Clarke finally began. “I hurt you both so much, and in turn hurt you, O. And I am sorry. I will be deleting the text, so that it cannot be read again. Please accept my apology.”

Octavia didn’t speak just nodded and hugged Clarke harder. Raven nodded as well, but still wouldn’t meet Clarke’s eyes. Lexa said the words that the girls needed to hear.

“It did hurt. A lot, actually. But it also made me realize that there are a lot of things about me that I need to deal with as well. I’m sorry I snapped at you Octavia and I am sorry that I didn’t communicated my frustrations earlier, bringing us all to this point to begin with. I should have spoke with your mom, not just run away to the gym to wallow in my own self misery.”

Raven looked up at Lexa, and then in Clarke’s direction. When her eyes made it Clarke’s face she couldn’t help but lock eyes with her. Her heart throbbed, not knowing if Clarke was angry with her.

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Raven said, eyes welling up, but she refused to let the tears fall. Even as Clarke’s eyes flashed with pain at her name. Raven continued, “I understand if you don’t want me anymore. But I want you to know you are a good mom. I was just looking for a way to make everyone else feel as upset as I was.”

Clarke nodded in understanding. She didn’t say anything, just moved from her spot over the teen who cried out when Clarke reached around and drug Raven on top of her.

“Why are you nothing by sharp edges and elbows,” the girl said pushing Raven off of her and closer to Clarke.

Lexa grabbed the teen once she was free, and pulled her into their arms. “You said some really mean things,” and they kissed her head as they felt her tremble a little. “But you had a reason. You all have been so worried that I am going to walk away. But that is exactly what I am trying not to do. I am not moving. That is why I agreed to meet with my parents. Because I am here. I am not leaving you. I’m not leaving your mother. I am going to stand in that courtroom and declare my undying love for you both. We are a family.”

Octavia holds on to Lexa’s middle. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“Me too.”

Raven presses her face into Clarke’s chest, and looks up at the blonde that is watching Lexa. She can see how the blue eyes just focus on her lover and she hopes that some day she can have this. But then something strikes her. Lexa had called this ‘Clarke’s house,’ and they were right. And her prior feelings of dependency swamped her again.

“Can we talk about something else?” Raven asked, pulling her face from Clarke’s bust.

“Yeah, honey,” Clarke said. And as she spoke, Octavia sat up as well.

“We need to talk about us all living in _your_ house.” Clarke’s eyes widened and she remembered Lexa’s comment earlier. Lexa looked over at Raven, questioningly.

When everyone was looking at her, Raven stated, “I think we need to move.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped and she looked like a poorly drawn carton character, and Lexa laughed. Octavia scrunched her eyes, trying to figure out where Raven was going.

Raven stood up and presented herself to the rest of the family. “So, Mom… I can still call you Mom right?” she asked hesitantly, knowing that this was a big moment of forgiveness.

Clarke smiled softly, “Please don't ever call me Clarke again. Even when you’re mad at me.”

Raven nodded, and then took a moment to gather their salesman’s momentum. “Okay, so where I was going is that... Mom this is your house. Everything in this house screams… sorry but Clarke. And we need a place that is ours. Nontu doesn't see this place as theirs. You two are warping this poor girl’s mind because of all the strange and disgusting sounds that come through the walls. Also, it won’t be long because Mom is begging Nontu for new Griffin-Trikrus because we are going to be out of the house next year.”

Octavia was the first to laugh but then turned to her parents, “Please can we get a house that I don’t have to hear you do what you do. Which btw we never did have that talk and I know I slapped you with it earlier but if I have to listen to it, please explain it to me, because when you google BDSM it seriously brings up some scary shit.”

“O, please do not google BDSM,” Lexa answers, with a look of sheer concern and Clarke can tell that Lexa is contemplating how they can childproof Octavia’s computer.

“O, no more googling sex. Yes, can we talk about…” and she took a deep breath before she continued, “BDSM tomorrow. Raven, the idea of a new house sounds fun, but it's a lot of work, and this place is completely paid off.”

“But it’s your house. And we need OUR house,” Raven begged.

Clarke looked to Lexa, who just shrugged, “The kid ‘s got a point.”

Clarke touched the wall. “But I love this house,” she pouted at Lexa.

“Let’s talk about it. We are not saying yes, but this is a decision your mother and I will make. As you say, you’re only here for another year, so maybe we just pile those babies in Raven’s room and be done,” they answer with a small smirk.

Raven held up her hand, “Um excuse me, but the blonde mother said that will always been MY, as in this guy right here,” she says pointing two thumbs back at her self, “MY ROOM!”

Lexa put on a sarcastic face and stated, “Won’t be your room if we move, now will it.”


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't do warnings. Sorry but I feel it takes away from the story. Just know there is some intense shit coming, but I tried to give you a happy ending.

If it hadn’t been the last day before the week of finals, the Griffin-Trikru house may have died of exhaustion trying to get through the half day of work and class. The only member of the house that got a decent amount of sleep was Abby, who was incredibly oblivious to the screaming match that had taken place the day before.

By one, everyone was home again. Raven had managed to sneak away and take a nap. Octavia was not so lucky, as Lexa having promised to give the kid the sex talk for the second time, they were hell bent on making sure that she was informed.

“So…” Clarke began, as the three sat around the dining room table. Octavia could tell that her mom was uncomfortable to say the least, but she frankly didn’t care. She needed to understand. “I am honestly not sure where to start.”

Clarke moved slowly and cautiously, taking the hand of her partner who sat up straight at the table, unwavering. The touch of their hands now was the first contact since they went to talk to the girls the night before. Lexa couldn’t bring themself to hold the woman through the minimal sleep they both got.

Lexa looked down at the hand that was interlaced with theirs. Their face flushed lightly, as they thought, ‘I don’t deserve to touch you.’

They made a move to pull away, but Clarke held them in place and they realized that Clarke was begging them to lead this conversation and be the commander.

Looking at the teen, Lexa began, “Octavia, how about you begin by telling us what you know and possibly direct questions you have.”

*****

The girl bit down on the left side of her lower lip, as she contemplated where she could start. She strums her fingers on the table, as the blonde and brunette sat patiently waiting for her. Scrunching up one side of her mouth, she finds where to start.

“Okay… so I know that it involves something that is violent because I hear it through the walls. But when I looked it up online it can be like tying each other up, but its also like whips and stuff like that.”

“Why do you think we are having an abusive relationship?” Clarke asks, trying to piece together where Octavia came up with the idea that Lexa was mistreating her.

The girl takes a minute to decide how to explain how they know that Lexa is doing something to hurt her.

‘Because you cry sometimes,’ she thinks, and remembers the first time she heard her mom yell the word red and then there was silence. Octavia cried that night, scared that Clarke was in trouble but too afraid to go and check on her. She felt like a coward for not standing up to Lexa.

The thought of that first night, because there had been a few since then, gave Octavia a new fire. Octavia looked at Lexa, and said “I hear you,” then she shifted her gaze to Clarke, “smacking you.”

There is a brief moment of silence, before the girl continues, “And I swear sometimes it sounds like you’re cryin’. And don’t tell me they don't hit you because even if I didn’t hear it, there are days that you will do anything not to sit down and it is always after a night that you yell out the word ‘red’ and then its like fucking silent. And that's the scariest part when you both go from grunting and moaning and please commander, thank you commander to fucking silence. And…I just don’t get it. Especially since you just gave me the sex is all love talk. And I don’t see how you beating my mom is loving her.” Octavia takes a deep breath after she practically spits out the final sentence.

Clarke watched Octavia’s face carefully, seeing the concern. She is about to speak, but the teen opens her mouth to continue.

“I talked with Raven about it, and she seemed super sensitive about the topic… something with Finn. Did he break you?” Octavia asked Clarke, trying to piece together the various pieces of information.

*****

“Did he break you?”

Clarke opened her mouth, but closed it.

She was trying to process that Raven and Finn had had a BDSM relationship, after he had berated her for even showing interest in the topic that was ‘clearly unhealthy’.

‘How could he do that?’

She remembered laying in bed with one of his ties asking him to use it and tie her up so he could be in complete control. He had laughed at her; told her that he would never be interested in being that guy that needed to be the boss. She moved from asking to begging, but he told her that he didn’t have rape fantasies.

But now she had to come to terms with the fact that Finn did not have rape fantasies because he was actively taking advantage her now daughter. Her stomach churned and she left the acidic burn of stomach fluid at the back of her throat.

‘Why did it all have to happen like this?’ she almost cried out, but instead tried to pull herself together.

Her ears turned red, and Lexa must see the color moving across her face, not out of embarrassment, but just another indication of all that was wrong in her life those past few years.

Lexa stopped Clarke before she had the chance to answer Octavia’s question.

“That’s where we should start, kid,” Lexa began. “BDSM is not something someone enjoys because they are broken. It is just a preference and it is completely about trust. Some people practice BDSM without sex. I do not know what Finn and Raven did, but by the sounds of her reaction, this is not what your mother and I practice. We have a relationship that is not abusive in the least.”

****

‘Until last night. Last night I may have hurt her, but she won’t tell me.’

They keep a straight face, even as they think, ‘What if I can’t fix it?’

As the thoughts run through their head, they feel her squeezing on their hand. And she speaks to the girl, “I need you to know that Lexa does not beat me. Every action that we take is discussed in advance and we take precautions to ensure that I can stop anything or slow it down.”

‘Expect last night. Last night you didn’t tell me to stop.’

And then,  ‘…and I’m not sure if I would have.’

Clarke was still talking, “I’m not sure how much we really should discuss about our personal sex life, because that is our private life when we are behind that door.“

Lexa looks at Octavia and nods in agreement, preferring that the girl did not have a working knowledge of how they have sex. ‘Yeah, because I hurt her last night,’ they can’t stop the thoughts on repeat going over and over in their head.

 “What I will tell you is that we have precautions like safe words, that we use to ensure that we are remaining protected,” Clarke continues to explain. “For example, I have a safe word for slow down, and-

But Octavia interrupts her with their word, “Yellow?”

Lexa nods, realizing that those walls must be pretty fucking thin, however, Clarke continues, “then whatever we are doing gets less pressure or even just a stop and check to make sure that the other is okay…”

“And ‘red’ is stop right?” Octavia asks, but her face is more contorted. Lexa doesn’t know how to explain, and they feel lucky that Octavia chooses to continue to speak, until they hears what the teen says to Clarke, “That one scares me because it always makes me think that something is wrong because it never sounds nice and you almost seem like you are crying.”

‘Did she hear us last night? Does she know I hurt her mom last night?’

Clarke took a deep breath, as Octavia’s eyes turn to Lexa.

“Why do you want to hurt her? I know its her also because you never call out red or yellow and I never hear you begging so I am assuming you're the boss or master?”

Lexa laughed a little to hide the discomfort because, ‘I hurt her last night because I was mad at her,’ but they don’t say that. No they just ask, “Master?”

Octavia shrugged, “Online research.” Lexa grimaced remembering that the teen told them last night that she had researched this conversation online.

Lexa doesn’t know how to answer the question, but Clarke saves them, “Okay, so this is getting into the specifics of our relationship that I was hoping not to discuss, O, what -”

“We have a dom-sub relationship only in the bedroom at certain times,” Lexa explained, hoping they hadn’t overstepped what Clarke wanted the girl to know. “This is not the lifestyle that we choose to live as a whole. I don’t enjoy hurting your mom. But part of our relationship is rules.  When rules are broken there are consequences. Often those consequences are physical, which were decided upon in advance through a conversation that me and your mom have discussed in great detail.”

“So what do you do to her that makes her cry?” the teen asked, still wanting an answer in spite of Clarke’s desire for not sharing.

*****

‘Why?! Why do you want to know this, kid?’ Clarke screamed internally.

Her face was red, because while in the bedroom she thoroughly enjoyed Lexa smacking her ass until she couldn’t handle it anymore, she could not handle Octavia knowing that information.

“Mom, please,” the teen asked. “I won’t judge you for what you like.” And Clarke looked to Lexa, who for the first time smiled at the echo of their words from a few weeks before.

Glancing between the two, Clarke asked the girl, “Did you hear that from Lexa?”

And she nodded.

‘Fuck. How did she hear that?’

And the girl answered the unspoken question, because she, like her Nontu, were freakishly too good at predicting what was causing hesitancy in answering question. “Mom, the walls are fuckin’ thin. I can hear EVERYTHING!”

Clarke huffed in exasperation and the possibility that they all may be correct, the time may have come to locate a bigger house. Rolling her eyes, Clarke let out the confession, “I enjoy pain, so what you hear that scares you is Lexa spanking me.”

“Like a little kid spanking?” Octavia said; her chinned sucked back towards her neck and her brow furrowed. And if possible Clarke’s face got even redder.

Lexa laughed, shaking their head, “We are not going to go into that. Do you have more questions about the topic that is not directly related to what we do during our private time?”

Octavia thought about it for a minute, then asked, “How do you know if you are into BDSM or not?”

Lexa looked at the teen carefully, taking vigilant consideration of how they will answer, “Research. Maybe you meet someone that is and they introduce you to new things that you enjoy. That is how I learned. My previous partner was very submissive and she trained me to a dominant partner. It also happened to make me feel like I was in control, when normally I am not in control of anything other than being as your mom calls it ‘stoic’.”

The girl looked to her mom, and Clarke could tell that she was hoping that she would provide an answer similar to Lexa’s.

Taking a deep breath, she explained,“ I learned early that I enjoyed pain from when I experimented with myself. I decided to look into BDSM when I was losing interest in sex with Finn. It was shortly after Finn moved in that I realized I was suddenly in control of so much. I just wanted to give it up for a while and have someone else tell me what to do. When I get to be the sub to Lexa’s dom, I get to release all control to them and know that I am safe and protected. I know that Lexa won’t hurt me, unless I ask for them too and even then I control how much they hurt me.” Clarke looks to Lexa as she finishes her last sentence.  

*****

“… I control how much they hurt me,” she says, and they know this is her telling them that she is okay.

But they are not okay. They feel the guilt consuming them.

‘You didn’t have control last night. I shouldn’t have started it. I shouldn’t have listened to you.’

*****

Clarke watched Lexa momentarily seeing the pain flash across their eyes. She wnted them to know that she was okay and did not blame them for the night before. That they didn’t hurt her. That she knew it was not the best choice, but it was not one that she regretted.

When Lexa stopped meeting her eye, she shifted her gaze to Octavia, and swore she could see the wheels in the girl’s head turning. “You have another question, Octavia,” it was a statement not a question.

Octavia chewed on her lip again. She did have another question, but wasn’t sure she really should answer it.

“How do you know that your partner is down?” she finally asked.

Lexa laughed thinking of how Clarke always held still those first few times that they were together, taking every movement or position like a command. They felt their core warm as they thought about Clarke looking up at them that morning in their bed at the apartment and asking, if she could come.

Clarke blushed, remembering how Lexa would push her into the wall, or growl as though she belonged to them. How their first date request was not a request it was a command. How Lexa would hold her down by her hands, and Clarke would relish in the grip that they kept on her.

Lexa is the one to answer at first, while Clarke is still remembering her hints at Lexa’s dominant nature.

“For me, I didn’t realize I was being trained to be dominant at first. I just thought we were having sex, but gradually, my partner asked me permission to move and I realized I really enjoyed it,” Lexa answered with a straight face.

Clarke watched Octavia thinking this over, as they continued, “I finally got up the courage to ask if that was her intention. Once we were talking about it, the whole thing became easier and more enjoyable because I knew what my partner wanted me to do. I feel that someone should just ask.”

Picking up from where they left off, Clarke felt the need to be honest with Octavia about her experience, “but asking doesn’t always go that well. For example, I know that I asked Finn and he did not react well. Told me that it was me having rape fantasies and it was perverted.”

“Like hell he didn’t have rape fantasies,” the voice came from the hall.

*****

Raven stood against the wall and it was undetermined how long she was present for the conversation. “Did he tell you no?” she asked Clarke, who nodded hesitantly.

“Figures,” she hissed and moved into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator but didn’t move to take anything out, just stood with the cold air leaking out over her thin form.

Clarke moved from her seat towards Raven. When the girl saw her approach she shut the door, but still did not bother to move or turn towards Clarke, even when Clarke got a hand on her shoulder.

“It was completely out of the blue, just came home one day and said he was the boss and I had to do what I was told. At first I fought it somewhat. I thought it was a game. He never hit me, just when I didn’t do something he liked he would be super rough” she said quietly, and Clarke didn’t know if anyone but her was able to hear the girl.

 

_She got the text from Finn saying that he would be there by 6 and he wanted dinner ready when he walked in the door. They had been through this a few times, and she was slowly starting to see the soft gentle man she loved turn harder, and more grabby that she had known that first night._

_At 5:50, Finn walked into the house to find her straining the pasta. All that was left to do was to put the food on the plates, but he was early and her time was up._

_“Babe, I said I wanted dinner when I got home.”_

_She looked up at him, and moved to where he stood near the table._

_“Finn, its ready. I had a later shift. We just need to put it on the plate.”_

_He pulled her into him and kissed her neck. She pushed into the embrace and enjoyed the feeling of his soft lips on her neck. His hands gradually worked the button of her jeans and within seconds she felt him grazing himself at her entrance as she was leaning over table. His soft touch made her relax, but it didn’t end softly. And as he got stronger and pushed deeper he reminded her that what he said was a rule and she was to follow it.  He told her that he loved her, but that if she just followed instructions that everything would be pleasant._

The memory caused her to shiver and look to the ground, unable to meet eyes with Clarke. She doesn’t share the memory because she hears Clarke’s breath become uneven and knows that, ‘She thinks this is her fault.’

Not realizing the words were coming out, she continued speaking, “I didn’t get it, because I never denied him sex. He would come home and we would eat and fuck. Then he would leave. So I didn’t understand why he suddenly had to be the boss. I would have done anything he asked. It just seemed like he looked for reasons that I screwed up so he could make it harder. But all he would have had to do was ask.”

She looked up, realizing that it was Clarke she was talking to, but everyone was listening. Lexa was listening and their face was glowing read and teeth grinding. Octavia’s eyes were glassy and her look somewhere else, which Raven wonders if she was flashing back to her own personal hell.

*****

It hurt hearing that a request she made caused this girl to get hurt.

“I’m sorry, Raven,” she said not knowing what else she could say in that moment.

Raven turned to Clarke and they met eyes: one’s hard and hurt, and the other’s soft and sad.

Clarke watched the girl, and thought about the face that she had asked Finn about being dominant almost two years ago. And she swallowed the vomit that rose, as she realized that Raven was only 16.

‘Why Finn? Why couldn’t you just let this girl be?’

Clarke internalized the blame for what Finn did to her. Until now, she thought that while Raven and Finn’s relationship was inappropriate and that Finn was a douche for taking advantage of the girl who just needed a place to live,. However, Clarke had believed that Raven made decisions that she had felt safe with.

Now though, it all was different.

Because she wasn’t safe with Finn.

Now she knew she gave Finn a weapon to hurt Raven.

*****

Raven shrugged and tried to walk away, but Clarke stopped her. The girl thought, maybe she would hug her this time. Wanted nothing more than for the woman to hug her.

But Clarke just kept her hands on the girl’s arms, and stated calmly, “It’s not okay what he did, Raven. You should never be in a position that someone is enacting power over you and you feel that you must comply for your safety.”

Raven didn’t respond, just looked into the cobalt eyes that were watching her face for some sign of emotion. She wanted to give that to Clarke, but she couldn’t because she wasn’t sure that the woman wanted her. She couldn’t be sure that she wasn’t a by-product of Lexa at this point.

Because what she wanted was not Clarke telling her how sex is suppose to work.

Because all she wanted was for Clarke to tell her that she wanted to keep her.

Because the only thing that Raven needed in this moment was a hug from the blonde.

…but none of that came because the blonde released her arms and left her standing there.

*****

Lexa watched as Clarke waited for some signal that Raven understood her or wanted her, but Raven didn’t move. Raven just stood still and watched Clarke as though she too was waiting for something. And Lexa knew that Raven was waiting for Clarke to make a move because Raven had still not recovered from the night before.

Raven was still carrying the guilt of breaking Clarke down, and didn’t know how to apologize or ask if she is even still wanted. Raven is waiting for Clarke to give her that, but Lexa knows that is not how Clarke works. Lexa knows that Clarke only responds to those that come to her.

So they watch as the two stand still in the kitchen. Each staring at the other, hoping one will make a move to show the other is wanted.

‘Clarke, be the fucking parent,’ Lexa fumed, not understanding how Clarke is not realizing that Raven is waiting for her.

They watched as Clarke drops her hands to her sides, and dips her head down defeated that the kid did not come to her.

‘Damn it, Clarke,’ they think and the move from the table and the now crying teen to the one that needs them more right now. The one that they know is theirs, because the blonde can’t figure out how to make Raven hers.

*****

‘Why doesn’t she want me like she wanted O?’ is what she thinks, as she watched Lexa moving from behind Clarke.

*****

Lexa walked past Clarke and straight to the girl that was trying are not to tremble as she was gradually losing control over her emotions.

The girl shuttered slightly, and Lexa pulled her in, squeezing her tighter as it seemed the girl would lose her balance without their arms. They heard her whisper so softly, “She doesn’t want me.”

And they shake their head, shushing her softly as they feel their shirt seep slightly from her tears.

‘I love you, kid,’ they think. But they know that's not enough. She doesn’t need them. She needed Clarke. She craved Clarke’s touch. She craved Clarke’s unwavering acceptance.

But Lexa didn’t know how to get Clarke to understand that.

*****

Clarke watched in aw, wondering if there would ever be a point that Raven would trust her enough to hold her and make her feel safe. Lexa held out their hand though and motioned for Clarke to move in and hug the girl as well. Clarke understood that this was their way of building up Raven’s trust in Clarke.

******

Raven felt Lexa’s motion and felt Clarke enter the hug from behind her. Her arms were tight around Lexa, but when the blonde moved in and pressed her warm body against the thinner girl’s back, she moved.

She moved from Lexa’s embrace to Clarke’s.

She made a complete 180, to be in Clarke’s encirclement.

She felt the woman hold her tighter, and heard her whispering.

“I love you, Raven. I won’t let anyone ever hurt you again.”

Raven hugged her harder and longer. Even after she felt Lexa pull away. Because Lexa was not who she needed. She needed her mom. The one she claimed she didn’t have the night before. But the one she wanted so desperately. She needed the shorter blonde that wanted her to be a kid and protect her.

“I love you, Mom.”

*****

Lexa went to Octavia, who was also crying but for reasons that Lexa didn’t understand. This was Clarke’s baby, not quite theirs yet, and they didn’t fully get the girl yet. They wanted to, but the history between the blonde and teen had built a level of trust and love that Lexa was envious of.

“What’s wrong, O?”

The girl looked up at them, glistening tear tracks down her face. Lexa could see how blood shot her eyes had gotten.

After a few hesitant breaths, she asked, “Can I go to Lincoln’s house tonight please. I just need to get away for awhile.”

Lexa took in the girl’s face, “Yes, but will you tell me why you are crying?”

“I hate that I am glad not to be alone in my pain, but at the same point I feel like shit because I don’t want Raven to have to feel the pain that I feel,” the girl practically whispers the words, and Lexa knows its because she doesn’t want Raven or Clarke to hear her.

Considering the girl’s words, Lexa asks, “Why do you want to go to Lincoln’s?”

Octavia is not looking at them anymore. Rather, her gaze is locked on Raven and Clarke who were just starting to break apart, but Raven utters something that is unhearable and is wrapped in Clarke’s embrace once gain.

They think they hear Clarke say, “Of course I want you.” Or maybe that is just what they want to hear her tell the girl. But a closer look tells Raven is content with whatever was said because her arms are around Clarke’s neck and she is smiling, the tears drying from her face.

Lexa almost forgets they asked a question, until Octavia says, “Things may seem okay with everyone today, but really they’re not.”

And Lexa quickly looks to the teen that is staring at them, “What do you mean, O?”

“I just feel like just because we all said I’m sorry doesn’t mean everyone is at peace. You’re looking at Mom like she’s a piece of china that you may have chipped. Raven was mopey and avoiding touching Mom altogether. And I still feel a compelling need to check to make sure you and Raven are still here,” the girl explains, casting her gaze down at the table. “I don’t know how to start believing that you are here to stay.”

Lexa thinks about this for a moment, looking at the girl and then back at the other two holding each other. They hold up a finger and moves into the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, they take about twenty minutes to type the message into the comment box of Clarke’s story. Before posting, they move back into living room, and they take in the site of their family at the table. Clarke stood over their girls and they over heard the three discussing that Raven could not wear jeans and boots on a date during summer, and Raven telling the girl that she can wear whatever the fuck she wants and the younger girl’s only job is to help with her makeup.

Lexa looked Clarke over, trying to see if she had her phone poking out of her pocket but it wasn’t there. They glanced around the living room and finally located the woman’s phone on the entry table.

Knowing that Clarke is not a fan of moving furniture, they say, “Hey, Abby just sent me a text. She needs our help moving her bed to a different corner of her room, girls.”

The girls look at them confused, but Lexa doesn’t wait before moving from the house into the yard. As soon as the girls are in the backyard trialing behind them, still talking boots verse flip-flops, they stop them just outside of Abby’s door.

“What’s up, Nontu?” the teen asked hesitantly.

Not sure how to answer, they show them the message.

Lexa watches as they read the message they typed out. Octavia was the firs tto finish and looks up at Lexa wrapping her strong arms around their neck.

“You’re not leaving!” she squeals jumping up and down.

“None of us are leaving. Right, lady?” they ask to Raven who just nods with a huge grin plastered across her face.

After they hug for a minute, Octavia asks, “What do you want us to do?”

Lexa looks back at the door, and then says, “Just stand here with me, please.”

Lexa shook slightly, wondering if this is the right time or way to do this. But they decided that they didn’t want to wait any longer. Because there was no question that they loved the woman. There was no question that they wanted to stay. The only question was if Clarke still wanted them. And this was one way find out.

So they wait, too far to hear when the phone dings or to know if the woman even looks at the message. They can only hope.

‘Please say yes, Clarke.’ And they hit send, as they take a knee in the grass, with the ring that Abby had given them held out, and their girls standing behind them.

*****

Clarke is alone in the house. She looks around the huge open space and thinks of the last few weeks. She had gone from being a single parent to having a full house. Moving to the entry table, she looked down to the photo in the broken frame that was crinkled and tear stained from the night before. Lexa had told Clarke that they gave Raven the picture, so Clarke was surprised to find it back in the frame.

She took in the photo. It had been her favorite group shot, because it showed how uniquely different each member of the family was.

She was pulled from her analysis of the photo, by the _Ding!_

She opened the email app and saw the message from the fan fiction site. The preview hadn’t loaded yet, but when she saw the name, her heart fluttered.  And she started to read the message.

**Lexa has left you a comment:**

> Prisa (look i even capitalized your name),
> 
> i want you in every way possible. i want your smeared eye-liner mornings. i want to share your used towel. i want your just grade 120 essays tired eyes. i want adventures holding hands the whole way. i want disney lazy cuddle days with you and the girls. i want dancing on the coffee table, and sing-alongs in the car. i want you teaching me how to cook, and spaghetti sauce on the ceilings. i want your i-don’t-give-a-fuck days and the uncontrollable horny days. i would like those days everyday. i want your still asleep kisses. i want your no-reason kisses. excited kisses, and your ‘i don’t have time’ kisses. i want to wipe away your tears when things are too hard. i want to share your happy tears. i want to kiss you like the first time in the audi every time. i want your sleepy words. i want your laugh til you fall over. i want your sick days where i look after my still just as beautiful woman, giving you chicken’n stars soup because that’s all you really want to eat. i want to make little trikru-griffins with you. i want holidays and birthdays, and making traditions for years to come. i want you in a year. i want you at 50. i want you when you’re old and wrinkly at 83. i want just shut the fuck up and kiss me arguments. i want your i’m not getting up mornings. i want your 2am wake up sex. i want to walk with you so we can face this world head on. i want to spoil you for no reason other than you being you. everything. i everything, but only if i can have it with you. will you marry me?


	57. Chapter 57

‘Holy shit,’ she breathed out as she read the last line.

 

*****

Had it been a minute? It felt like an hour. They all stood outside in the heat, waiting for Clarke to get the message and come outside. Lexa’s knee was getting tired, but they didn’t move. They waited.

‘What if it is not the right time?’

They thought about everything that was going on in their lives and realized that Clarke had every reason to say no because Lexa realized as they kneeled in the crunchy Arizona grass that the couple had not really solved any of the issues that were going on. Instead they put Band-Aids on them and seemed to be just trying to get passed it.

But they had come this far. Sure it had only been two months. But love can happen that fast right? Lexa hoped it could happen that fast, because they knew they loved Clarke. Without a single question in their mind, they knew that they loved the blonde and the good definitely out weighed the bad.

But they couldn’t help the worried thought, ‘But what if she says no? What do I do then?’   

*****

‘Holy fucking hell!’

Her heart was racing. She didn’t know if she was ready for this. She had been engaged two months ago to Finn. And for the first time, she realized just how fast everything was really going.

She picked up the phone and hit the phone icon, then her mother’s name.

Abby picked up on the first ring.

“ _You had to call me. I’m in the backyard, Clarke.”_

“Mom can you see Lexa outside your place?”

She waits, hearing Abby move through the small studio to what she assumes is the window.

“ _Holy shit.”_

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Mom, is it too soon?” She hears her mother also breathing deeply. She wonders if this was the right thing to do.

*****

‘What if she doesn’t get the message? What if she comes out here to check on us and sees me sitting here like an idiot. What am I going to say?’

*****

She hears her mother ask, _“Baby, do you love Lexa for Lexa?”_

And she thinks about it. She thinks about Lexa’s stoic mask that seems to hide so much. She thinks about the fact that she knows nothing about Lexa prior to two months ago. She thinks about the way they blew up over Octavia and Lincoln, and their unwavering defense of Raven. She thinks about the anger that was coursing through them last night as she lay beneath them taking whatever they wanted to give her. She thinks about the pain and anger in their eyes as they thrust into her.

But then she thinks of the way she can’t keep her eyes of them. The way that her heart flutters every time she feels Lexa in the room. She thinks of the potty dance, and Lexa’s adorable pouty face. She thinks of the way that her body feels when they dominate her and when they caress her. She thinks of how they love her daughters and the passion in which they protect them. She thinks of how Lexa communicates to her through every song they sing in the car to her.

And then she hangs up the phone.

*****

‘Its taking too long.’

They get up and turn to the girls. Eyes down, raising a hand to rub the crease in their forehead. They look at the girls and realize they are not looking at them. They are looking behind them.

Turning around they see the blonde. She is standing in the doorway of the house. Their eyes meet and they can’t go back to their knee. They step towards her and she matches their step.

Left. ‘Is she happy?’

Right. ‘Does she know?’

They get closer and they see her eyes are filled with tears. And then she is running towards them. She is running fast, so they stop.

*****

She doesn’t know why she starts to run, but she is running. She is running towards Lexa; who is now standing still; who opens their arms as she leaps into them.

She feels them catch her, but she was running too fast and she finds them both in the harsh grass.

She feels their hands come up to her face and catch to make sure she is okay, even though she can tell they are trying to catch their breath.

She hears them say, “Klark.”

She nods as the tears fall from her face.

“Yes, Lexi. Yes,” she cries out louder than she needs too. She kisses them. “Yes.”

Presses her lips to their face again, “Yes.”

Lexa pulls back, “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you, Lex. Yes, I want to marry you.”

*****

Abby exhales as tears too come to her. She moves from the window to the yard and joins the two teens in an embrace as they jump up and down.

‘Thank god,’ she thinks, as she holds her granddaughters that are clinging to her and still jumping. So she jumps too.

*****

‘She said yes!’

*****

“What did I miss?” the boy’s voice comes from the door.

Clarke and Lexa look up to see Bellamy in the doorway, momentarily before returning their focus on each other. Lexa looks into the cobalt eyes and if possible falls more in love with the woman.

Raven is the one to answer him, as she moves from her sister and grandmother. “They’re getting married!” She jumps on him in excitement and he catches her by her ass. She presses a firm kiss to his lips, and he almost loses himself in her kiss.

When she drops down, he is reluctant to let her go, because he has waited to kiss her since their night together.

Turning around, Lexa and Clarke are back on their feet, and are dusting the dry grass particles from them. Octavia has joined them and is hugging her mom and then Lexa.

Bellamy is led by the hand to his sister’s parents. He smiles and holds a hand out to Lexa who shakes it and to his surprise pulls him in and hugs him too. Clarke is next in hugging him.

“Congrats,” he says.

“Thank you,” Lexa says, then turns to Raven. “Will you be my best woman? I know O has set claim to Clarke’s maid of honor, so I really need you on my side, lady.”

Raven jumps and hugs Lexa, “Yes. Yes! Of course.” They all jump and laugh and smile more, before moving from the heat to the house.

*****

Even though Clarke wants to be with Lexa then, she knows that Raven has an important date, and she and Octavia are needed in helping her get ready. With one more kiss, she presses her body into them and just holds on for a minute, while Bellamy has a seat at on the couch, and the girls retreat back towards their rooms.

“I love you,” she whispers into Lexa’s ear.

“I love you too, Prisa,” she hears them say back and feels as they tighten their grasp around her waist. “You are the air that keeps me alive. The heart that pumps blood through me. You are my one. You make me strong.”

Clarke melts into them, unable to move from their grasp. But she hears the girls yelling.

“I can wear what I want!” comes from down the hall.

And then, “MOM! Raven’s being difficult.”

Followed by, “Tell her that I can wear what I want!”

She kisses Lexa again, and then says, “I have to go before one of them goes to see her man with a black eye or something.”

Lexa chuckles and releases her.

*****

Bellamy waits for Raven to be ready, which is taking longer than Lexa would have thought. Lexa commends him for his patience and he nods, still unable to meet their eye.

“Are you scared of me, Bellamy,” Lexa asks, taking a seat on the couch, folding out a cloth that they had retrieved from the bedroom on the coffee table. The boy doesn’t answer, just watches as the cloth reveals several decorative blades.

They see him watching the cloth, and watches as he moves his hands so they are now in his lap. This brings a small smile to their face.

“My father was in the military,” they say. They watch from a side-glance as he swallows harshly and his Adam’s apple rises and falls. “He taught me and brother survival skills early, wanting us to be specialized in at least one weapon. I mean I have many. Assault riffles, hand guns, a bow. Hell, I even have a sword.”

They pull a blade out and take a cloth and wipe it down.

“But these were always my favorite. They are silent, but very effective. When I was young, I would stand out in the yard and just practice throwing them.”

“They’re… uh… nice,” he stutters.

Lexa smiles, as they continue, “The trick is they have to be sharp. A dull blade is not an effective tool, so I take care of them in case they are needed.”

With the last words, Lexa meets Bellamy’s eyes.

“I hope they are never needed, but its good to be prepared right?” Their face does not flinch as they stare at the boy. He is unable to hold their stare and shifts his eyes to the table and then the floor.

“Yes, ma’am… I’m sorry… sir… Fuck.”

Lexa laughs not taking offense to the boy-man’s slip up, before saying, “Why are you nervous Bellamy?”

He doesn’t say anything, but they can see he is trying to process.

“I mean, there is no reason to be nervous, since you’re going to treat my daughter with respect.”

“Yes, respect is all I have for her,” he whispers.

“Good,” they say and smile as they pull the next blade out, carefully wiping it down. “And no one will be going to the stars tonight.”

“No, no stars. No stars at all. We’ll stay far away from stars of any kind,” he says.

*****

Its takes an hour for the girl to be ready, but when she comes out Bellamy and Lexa are awestruck. Raven’s hair is down, falling with amble body down her back. Her tank top is tight but covers her chest and descends a few inches below the start of her jeans that are boot cut and not tight. Lexa appreciates the lack of skin showing and the lack of skin tight clothing as well. They eye the boots on the girl’s feet and can’t help but think that if he does get handsy she could do some damage to his family chromosomes with those boots. Over all Lexa is pleased, and is on their feet before the boy, pulling the girl in for a hug.

“You look beautiful, Raven,” they say to her.

“Thanks, Nontu,” she replies softly. Turning her gaze to Bellamy, “Well, you ready?”

He is up off his feet and has her hand pulling her towards the door quickly.

“You look amazing. Let’s go get food.”

And before anyone can say anything, they are gone. Clarke looks at the table and laughs, causing Octavia to take in the scene on the table as well.

“Really, babe? Knives?” Clarke asks. Lexa shrugs but smiles. Octavia laughs and is grateful that Lexa was not around when she first brought Lincoln home.

*****

Taking the Prius, Octavia arrived at Lincoln’s place around six. When Lincoln answered the door, he gapped at the girl standing on his doorstep. Stepping outside, he closed the door behind him.

“What are you doing here, O?” he asked hesitantly, and Octavia could see nervousness in his eyes.

Though his look was causing her stomach to flip, she leaned in and hugged him. With her chin on his chest looking up at him, she says, “It’s been a rough few days. Mom and Nontu gave me the sex talk today. And everyone got in a huge fight last night. But Lexa proposed today so things seem good. I just really needed to get out of the house and wanted to see if I could come and steal you away.”

He wraps his arms around her, inhaling the coconut hair product in the girl’s hair. “Babe, my mom’s boss is here for dinner. I’m sorry I can’t go out tonight.”

Octavia nodded, “Okay. I’ll just call Monroe and see what she’s up-“ but she is cut off when Indra opens the door and stands in the doorway.

“Octavia, it good to see you well,” the woman stated. Her stiff demeanor always reminded Octavia of Lexa, but less warm.

“Hello, Ms. Gona. I was hoping to steal Lincoln away for the evening. I’m sorry I interrupted your dinner,” the girl answered, harnessing the inner Lexa she hoped to find. But it was hard because Indra was just intimidating.

“Nothing to worry about. You are more than welcome to join us. Lincoln has told me you are considering joining the army. Perhaps this would be a good dinner for you to partake in.”

Octavia does not see Lincoln shaking his head at his mother, but his mother does and she gives him a troubled expression.

“That would be very nice. I would love to, Ms. Gona,” she answered with a sweet smile. And Indra holds open the door to let Octavia in, stopping her son.

“What is the problem, son?”

Lincoln does not meet his mother’s eyes, choosing to look at the floor. “Speak true,” she commands.

Taking a deep breath and followed with a heavy exhale, he finally shares the secret Lexa asked him to keep, “The general is Lexa’s father, and they asked me not to share that they are here. I know they have dinner plans for tomorrow and I just don’t know what is going to happen when O figures out who they are.”

Indra’s eyes grew and she takes a look back at the girl who is not standing in shock looking at the living room at the man and woman within.

“Son, why did you not tell me?”

“They asked me not to,” he said, and Indra nodded, knowing that tonight just became very interesting.

“Well, she knows now. So let’s go play a tactical defense to keep this secret that you have committed us to. Hopefully, Octavia can manage her own emotions. I know she has a hotter head than you, so let us hope she has been learning some skills from her… what does she call Lexa again?”

Lincoln smiles at his mother, for even though she is not the warmest woman, he knew she loved him and she had deep respect for the girl that he had committed himself too. “Nontu, Mom.”

She nods, and takes a step inside. He reaches our barely touching her arm to stall her. “Thank you, Mother,” and he is rewarded with a smile that extends her dark eyes.

When they enter the cool house, they see that Octavia has made it into the house and is introducing herself to the Trikrus.

“Hello, I’m Octavia,” she says as the older man takes her hand in his. His eyes flash for a moment, but his face remains sternly in place, just as Lexa’s would. She flashes him a sweet smile.

“Hello Octavia, I am General Trikru, and this is my wife,” he says and she can tell he is searching her face for any indication that she may know them. Taking her hand back, she shakes the hand of the general’s wife.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” she says.

Lincoln comes up beside her, and places a hand on her lower back. “Octavia is my girlfriend,” he adds as introduction, and she looks up at him smiling, but he can see her run her tongue over her teeth, telling him he is in trouble later.

The general returns to his seat, and picks up the glass that he was drinking from. Carefully he says, “Octavia is a very interesting name. I have only heard it once before from my granddaughter recently.”

“That’s interesting,” Octavia supplies, returning his gaze. “I have never met another person with my name before, but I am sure there are others.”

‘He knows who I am,’ she thinks, trying to determine if the woman at his side also knows. Before the conversation can continue, Indra comes into the room, announcing the dinner is ready.

*****

Bellamy pulled into the parking lot of a huge outdoor mall down by the university campus. Putting the car into park, he looked over at Raven. She watched him look her over. She can tell he is trying to decide on words to say to her.

She arches and eye brow at him, and says, “You going to spit it out or are we going to sit in the car all night, because honestly I think that Nontu is not going to believe me if I say we just sat here?” She laughs are her own joke genuinely, her eyes lighting up.

He smiles back at her, and then says, “I screwed up a lot this week.” With his confession, his smile falters. “I’m sorry, Raven.”

She puts her hand on his arm, “We’re good, Bell. Let’s just go out and have fun. What are we doing tonight?”

He smiles, and pushes out of the car. Jogging around the front of the car, he tries to get to Raven’s door before she is out, but fails. She hops from the passenger’s seat and leans against the door. Watching him with a sly smile, she sees him stop his jog when he gets to her door that she is already standing at.

“I was trying to be chivalrous,” he says with a slight pout that draws another laugh from the girl. He can’t help but smile with the girl that laughs so fully. He extends his hand to her, with his other on the top of the door.

When she is done, she takes his extended hand and says, “I can get out of a car, Bell. I can fix them too. Just so you know, I need to check your timing belt, because that's the funky noise your car is making.”

Bellamy looks her over, and she sees his tanned cheeks turn slightly scarlet. She realizes that she may have embarrassed him.

“So, I was thinking about studying mechanical engineering instead of going to trade school when I finish school,” she says. Bellamy listens but shifts uncomfortably as they walk towards the outdoor mall. She can tell that the idea of her going back to high school bothered him.

He watches the ground as they walk, then says, “That’s awesome.”

The tone of his voice does not convey excitement for her though. She stalls expectantly, pulling him to a stop. He looks up and back at her in confusion.

She meets and holds his gaze, her dark eyes hard.

“Look, Bell, if you can’t handle my new life then we don’t have to do this. I’m excited about this because I am getting to do things that I thought I had to give up. I get to graduate high school. I get to go to college. I get to do it all with a family routing for me. If you just want to be part of that family because O will be by my side then so be it. But seriously either snap out of it or take me home.”

 

*****

They make their way to the dining room, where a place setting has been added for Octavia. Once everyone is at the table, the conversation changes to more shop-talk as Indra speaks of the army and where she wishes for Lincoln to go to school. The general contributes to the conversation, but Ms. Trikru became displeased with the conversation and attempted to change the subject to something more personal. Unfortunately for Octavia this focus became her.

“Octavia, you have been very quiet thus far. What are your plans after high school?” she asks the teen with a tone of formality that made Octavia slightly uncomfortable.

“Well my parents are not thrilled that I am considering enlisting; however, my uncle has been talking to me about becoming a police officer, so that is something I am currently looking into.”

Unsettled that the conversation is once again focused on military, Ms. Trikru tries a different approach. She says, “What do your parents do, Octavia?”

Lincoln chokes a little. Sipping on his water, he looks at the girl that does not return is gaze.

“My parents are both teachers at the high school Lincoln and I attend. It is actually where I met my mom in my freshman year,” she says taking a bite of the pot roast.

“You met your mom?” the older woman inquired.

Octavia swallowed and took a sip of water, before she answered. “Yes, Ma’am. I am adopted. My mom was English teacher freshmen year,” she answers smiling. Then she adds, “She actually got engaged to my Nontu today. I am going be the maid of honor in her wedding.”

“Nontu?” the general asks, and Octavia realized now that the explanation behind the name could possible give her away further, if he doesn’t know who she is.

She thinks carefully and decides that she has not reason to hide anything. Setting her silverware on the table, she explains, “Yes, my mother’s partner does not identify as either gender; therefore, the term father or dad was not suitable so my sister and I elected to use the term ‘nontu’ from a television show that we enjoy. It means number two, because our mom is of course number one.”

Octavia waits, watching both of the Trikrus. The general nods to her, and she can tell that he is now very aware of who she is but is not willing to let his wife, who is clearly not on the same page, in on the knowledge that she is going to be their granddaughter. Ms. Trikru’s reaction is not kind though, as he face contorts into a look of disgust.

“How is it that you were allowed to be adopted into a household with such immorality?” she asks as she places another bite of food into her mouth.

Octavia is sure she sees red, as the words are absorbed. She opens her mouth, but then closes it. Closing her eyes, she chants internally, ‘I will not be disrespectful. I will not be disrespectful. I will not be disrespectful.’

Luckily, Indra saves her from having to speak. “From my experience, Clarke is one of the most moral people I know. She runs an open house to anyone that needs a bed to sleep in and though her lifestyle is unconventional I have personally seen the kindness and care that she puts into making sure that her home and classroom is a safe place for all. I know that when I leave for deployment in a few months, Clarke has given Lincoln permission to say with her so that his schooling is not interrupted.”

Both teens’ heads shoot up at this information, each looking at Indra and then each other.

Lincoln speaks first with a concerned furrow to his brow, “You are shipping out?”

Indra nodded, and Octavia could see the saddened look upon the woman’s face that this is how she had informed her son.

“No matter how kind the woman is. It is not right to put children in view of unhealthy lifestyles. It makes them believe that they can live in ways that are against God’s plan,” Ms. Trikru states.

Octavia scoffs, before stating “I guess it's a good thing we’re Buddhists then.” She shrugs her shoulders and then pushes herself from the table. “Ms. Gona, thank you so much for dinner. I feel though I cannot stay any longer in fear of causing you a uncomfortable evening of unintelligible conversations concerning the happiness of my parents and myself.”

Indra nods in understanding, getting up from the table herself. Taking her plate, Octavia returns it to the familiar kitchen as she hears Indra follow her to the kitchen. She scraps the remaining food from her plate and into garbage before rinsing the dish.

“Octavia?”

“Ms. Gona, would you like this in the dishwasher or the sink?” she says trying to gather her composure.

Taking the plate from her hands, Indra looks at the girl. She speaks softly and carefully, not touching the girl, “Do not mind her ignorance, girl. She is foolish and you are very mature for how you handled the situation. I apologize. I did not know of the connection when I asked you to stay.”

“Its okay. Tomorrow will be interesting though,” she whispers. And the statement pulls another rare smile from the dark woman’s face. They share a slight chuckle and Octavia moves from the kitchen to the hallway.

*****

Bellamy swallows as she tells him exactly as she feels. He feels her drop his hand and uses it to throw up her arms in emphasis. Hearing the passion in her voice, he admires the girl in front of him.

‘Get it together,’ he tells himself. ‘You’re about to fuck this up again.’

She folds her arms across her chest, and he can’t help but flash back to seeing what is underneath the minimal layers she is wearing. Then he thinks of the laugh that makes him smile.

He holds his hand out to her again. “I’m sorry. I’m want this,” he says, eyes begging for her to understand his sincerity and that he is going to get it together.

“Age is just a number, Bell,” she says, and then adds, “if you can’t get past it though then you’re wasting your time because I may be 18, but I am smart as hell and I can hold my own in anything you want to do.”

“Anything?” he asked, with his left eyebrow arched.

Tilting her head slightly and jutting out one hip, she holds his stare, when she carefully annunciates, “any-thing.”

He smiles and points to the Dave and Busters that they were standing a few yards away from. The loud music filtered out of the building with each person that came and went.

“I know I can earn more tickets than you,” he says, taunting her.

She laughs and his chest flutters.

“You brought me to the adult Chuckee-Cheese. Really?” she asks.

“Nah, this is so much better!” and he takes her hand pulling her into the cool building.

*****

As she picks up her purse from the entry table, she is stopped by a large hand on her shoulder. Turning she sees the general with soft eyes that match his children’s.

“How is Alexandria?” he asks carefully.

“Lexa. And they are great, enjoying the eve of their engagement as we speak,” she answers. They stand in uncomfortable silence, before she contributes, “I didn’t know until I got here. I have only seen a picture of you.”

She watches as his eyes flash something. Pain she thinks but is not certain. She waits but when nothing comes, she turns to leave again.

“I want to see… them. I want to know you,” he says, causing her to pause with her hand on the doorknob.

She turns back and can see Lexa in his stance. In the way his eyes plead, while is face remains stern. She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“Look,” she starts. “You seem nice and genuine, but I can tell you flat out that my mom is not going to let her,” she says point to the wall of the dining room where she assumes Ms. Trikru is still seated, “anywhere near us.”

“What has to be different?” he pleads.

“She’s ignorant and rude and she just attacked me not even knowing me. She pulls that shit tomorrow and my mom will lose her cool. We finally made up with my grandmother, and that took three years. She’s not going to put up with that,” she says now waving her hand in a circle at the wall still. “We have all been through hell. We don’t need someone belittling us for their own self-proclaimed morality cause.”

He nods in understanding, and Octavia can see the defeat on his face. She knows that he cannot control the woman behind the wall, and he is embracing the fact that tomorrow will possibly be the last chance he has to be in his youngest child’s life.

She pulls her lips in and shakes her head again, turning again to the door. But she stops, and asks, “Why didn’t you say anything? That you knew who I was.”

“You seemed pretty shocked when you walked into the room. I wanted to get the chance to know you.”

She laughed slightly, and then said, “I’m pretty awesome, but you should meet my sister. She’s cool too, and Nontu’s kid to the extreme. I hope you can figure it out. I have never had a grandfather. It may be nice.”

And without waiting for a response, she left the house and got into the car. She didn’t make it out of the driveway before the large boy, who had run from the house, fills her passenger’s seat. She looks at him coldly and then punches him in the arm. Hard.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” she yelled at him.

“Ow!” he says throwing up his hand to block the next punch. “Lexa made me promise not to say anything.”

“When did you know?” she yells as she pulls out the driveway.

He knows the answer is just going to get him into more trouble, and he wonders what is it about Blakes and punching him. He whispers, “Since your mom’s ticket.”

“What the fuck, Lincoln?!”

*****

Raven’s phone buzzing, pulls her concentration from the plastic gun in her hand. The distraction comes at the wrong moment, and the game flashing red with pretend broken glass. She glares at the screen putting the fake gun back into the holder.

“I want a rematch,” she declares, pulling the phone from her pocket. Octavia’s face shows on the screen. Sliding the green icon, she puts the phone to her ear, still looking at Bellamy.

“Sup, sister?”

Bellamy looks over at her, hearing that she is talking to Octavia. When he sees her looking at him, he mouths, “I won.” His broad grin shows straight well maintained teeth, and the smile makes her blissful even though she was trailing him by three tickets.

“We’re are Dave and Busters.” There is a moment of silence and a complete eye-roll, before she says, “Yeah he brought me to adult Chuckee-Cheese.” She reaches over and punches him lightly in the arm.

He moves in behind her. Putting his hands on her hips, she leans back into him. Leaning down, he nuzzles his face into her neck and presses a soft kiss just below her ear. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go as plays because instead of reacting pleasantly to give him more access, she wiggles and giggles as her head pushed his mouth from her neck.

“Hold on,” Raven says in the phone. She turns to Bellamy, and states, “Octavia wants to know if we want to pick up ice cream and take it back to Clarke and Lexa and throw a mini engagement party?”

Looking into her eyes, he can tell that Raven is excited by the idea. He embraces this understanding of how important family is to her. He had never held that importance for anyone other than Octavia, so he knew this was something else he would need to adjust too.

 “Sure, babe,” he says, cupping a hand to her cheek and pressing a kiss to her lips. Her lips part into his kiss and he sucks down slightly on her lower lip. “Your lips taste amazing,” he whispers. She presses another kiss to his lips, forgetting she is still holding the phone.

“ _Are you kissing? Gross! Tell my brother to get his lips off you!”_ he hears through the phone.

Instead of replying he just presses another, louder kiss to Raven’s lips.

“ _Fuck! Just meet us at home_ ,” the girl on the phone says before the phone screen goes back to the home screen, and Raven drops her hand down, as Bellamy pulls her in for a deeper kiss.

Pulling back for air, he whispers, “I don’t think I will ever get enough of kissing you.”

“Mmhhmm,” she hums back. Then, “You have very nice lips.”

*****

When the girls left, for the evening, Clarke and Lexa found comfort in celebrating their new engagement with some very vanilla lovemaking. Each had been taking to the stars several times, and were at a place that they felt the fear of the prior days events could be filed under the life lesson labeled, sex is not the answer to an angry argument.

They had moved from the bedroom for a quick dinner, but the lasagna was warming in the oven, leaving them some time. And because nothing in their life can be private, though they did choose to continue their erotic escapades in the very public domain of the kitchen, Bellamy and Raven walked in to find, Lexa two fingers deep into a very topless Clarke, sitting atop the kitchen counter that every Wednesday she rolled out pizza dough.

“Seriously!” they hear the girl cry out, before the door slams shut behind the two figures.

Swiftly, Lexa positions themself to cover Clarke’s naked front, with hand still inside of the woman. They can’t see their fiance’s face because she has her nails dug into their side and their other arm wrapped tightly around their neck, holding on for dear life. Lexa couldn’t help but take advantage of the position Clarke is in, and they spread their two fingers apart. They are rewarded with the blonde shuttering slightly, before she tried to speak.

‘Why does this always happen to me?’ Clarke whines within.

 “Honey, I thought you two were going to be out later,” Clarke says sweetly, as she continues to cling to the still very clothed Lexa that is stroking the spot that makes her knees weak.

Bellamy stifled a laugh, having turned his back when he first caught a glimpse of the two upon entry. He can hear Lexa laughing as well.

Seeing that Bellamy had his back to them, Clarke releases her grip on Lexa. She feels the emptiness as Lexa pulls their fingers from within her. She had been so close, and was just waiting for Lexa to give to quit teasing her and stay at a steady rhythm, but now she was left wanton.

Lexa can see the frustration on the blonde’s face as she drops from the counter and covering herself with a single arm across her breasts walks to the bedroom. Turning back to Lexa, they can see her eyes telling her all they need to know.

The command was silent a silent ‘come,’ but they could also see the please that was implied.

“We need to buy sanitizer in bulk for you two!” Raven calls after them as they move swiftly to follow the blonde.

Lexa turns to their girl and just shrugs. Looking at the boy who has turned around, they say, “Sorry, Raven. She just… mind-blowing.” Putting their hands next to their ears and then explode outwards with a “ _boom!”_ And then they disappear into the room.

*****

Raven is already in the kitchen, pulling out the Lysol, when Octavia and Lincoln burst through the door. Taking one look at Raven with the cleaner, the teen says in exasperation, “The counter? Seriously?”

Raven laughs, then the boys join her. Octavia moves to the set the ice cream on the table but stops.

“Please, spray everything,” she begs Raven. Turning to Bellamy and Lincoln, “No surface is safe in this house. I swear. If we move, I want rules.”

She turns her gaze to the closed bedroom door, “You hear that, Mom! We need sex rules!” and then adds, “with consequences!”

They hear a muffled voice that is obviously not fully coherent, cry out, “Yes!” and Octavia for a second believes that her parents are agreeing with her, but the word is followed by the undeniable moan of pleasure.

“You people are sick!” she yells back at the door.

Ranting through the kitchen, Octavia explains to Lincoln that he better get use to the sound of those two because they are hell bent on being first to make a child from two eggs. Raven casts a questionable gaze at the comment, and Lincoln explains the new information.

“Dude,” she says to Octavia, “we need a bigger house because you know Nontu is going to lose their shit if Lincoln starts sleeping in your room, and I am not sharing a room with you ever again. Your feet stink.”

Octavia faked offense to the comment, and pulled the older girl into a head lock, which was only broken up because Bellamy took his turn as big brother to pull Octavia into one as well. When the mini brawl was finished, they called Abby for ice cream. The girls and their boy-men pull out various toppings for the ice cream and begin to construct elaborate deserts.

When the timer sounded fifteen minutes later, Raven pulls the heated lasagna out and shuts off the oven in time for a fully clothed Clarke and Lexa to return from the confines of their bedroom.

Clarke’s face has a huge smile plastered across it, and Octavia loses most of her irritation about the vagina juice on the counter top. She wants them all to be together then she tells them about dinner at Lincoln’s and she knows that the sex in the kitchen is the least of their problems.

Lexa takes their seat at the head of the table and the younger people find a chair around the table’s sides and Abby at the opposite end of Lexa. When Clarke brings Lexa over their plate and takes a seat along side them, Octavia looks to Lincoln.

He gives her a reassuring nod.

“So, when I went to dinner at Lincoln’s I met your parents,” she said casually. But Lexa dropped their fork, sending the pasta and red sauce bouncing over the table and to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” they say. “You met who?”

All eyes are on Octavia as she puts the large spoon in her mouth. She smiles as she lets them all sit there momentarily.

“Well since you told Lincoln not to tell anyone, Indra invited me in for dinner. Where I was introduced to General Trikru and his ever so pleasant homophoic wife,” she answers with a dangerous smile.

“Wait you met them?” Raven exclaimed. “What were they like?”

Lexa sits on their edge of their chair staring at the food in front of them. Before Octavia could answer, they question, “Did they know who you are?”

Bringing their gaze up to meet Octavia’s, she could see the concern in their eyes. She answers, “Your father did right away. I have a weird name thanks to that doofus.” She points her dripping spoon to Bellamy.

“Hey, I thought it was special,” he said defensively.

“Whatever,” she says and turns back to Lexa. “Your mom is a piece of work though, and is clueless. She is in for a rude surprise tomorrow because she was an ass. But your dad… he was pretty cool. He followed me to the door and asked about you and shit.”

This time its hope in the green eyes, that turn from her to Clarke.

“He misses you and he wants tomorrow to work. I can tell,” she adds.

Clarke reaches over and touches Lexa’s hand, interlacing their fingers. Looking to Octavia, the blonde asked, “Were you respectful?”

“Um… yeah. Until Ma’am Trikru went all children need to be raised in a house without sin and shit. Because I am going to be lesbian because I live with parents that are not straight.”

Lincoln interjected, “My mom was the one that stood up the most. She also mentioned her deployment.” His eyes went slightly dark, with sadness.

“We know, honey,” Clarke said. “Did she tell you the plan we worked out?” he nodded, and Lexa reached over and touched his arm.

“It will be okay,” they whisper.

“Yeah,” he says softly with his head down. “It’s not the first time. Won’t be the last. She’s a lifer.”

“So where’s he going to stay?” Octavia asked innocently, returning her devious smile.

“I’m not sharing a room with her,” Raven shoots out as she thrusts her still ice cream covered spoon at Octavia. The mound of ice cream on the spoon launches across the table and hits the teen in the chest. The cold substance slid down her cleavage between her overly exposed breasts.

“Really!?” she cried out as she tries to wipe away the cold sensation. Unable to get it off, she glares at the other girl. “You started something you can’t finish.”

But she doesn’t get the chance to retaliate because Bellamy has pushed his spoon into Raven’s face, sending ice cream down her chin and into the front of her tank top. That's all it took for the ice cream battle to begin, as they all found themselves covered in the substance within minutes and their bowls empty.

Clarke looks to Lexa, who has ice cream cakes in the brown curls. “This is why we have children, because we get to laugh at them and then make them clean this all up!” Their kids move around and begin to clean up their mess.

Lexa laughed heartily, embracing that no matter what happens tomorrow, they get to come home to these girls. Pushing away from the table, they make their way back towards the bedroom, but they are stopped by Lincoln.

 “Hey, I forgot to say congrats. You’re going to be the best Nontu-in-law ever,” he says warmly, and wrapped them in a huge bear embrace.

They huff as Clarke glares at them mouthing once again, “hug him back” with her angry Mom eyes.

“Fine” they mouth back to the blonde, and squeeze the young man tentatively.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit! Dinner has finally arrived.

“Okay, enough Disney,” Lexa states from the driver’s seat. They see the younger girl pout slightly, but she tosses up the auxiliary cord. Lexa grabs for it before Clarke can gets her hands on it. They are about five minutes from the western restaurant that Ryder chose, claiming there was a slide for the kid to play on if things got uncomfortable.

They plug in their phone and find the song that they want to play. It's a country tune that just seems fitting for the occasion. When the beat begins, Clarke looks at them quizzically.

“Lex, this is a break up song,” she states, and Lexa can see her becoming uncomfortable, but doesn’t say anything. Instead when the course hits, they start to sing.

“Go and fix your make-up, girl, its just a break up. Hide your crazy and start acting like a lady. Cause I raised ya better, gotta keep it together, even when you fall apart!”

Lexa continued to sing, and the girls sang with them. Clarke smiles, realizing the irony of the entire song. This was Lexa and their mother’s battle, which probably began when Lexa was just a child.

“…Powder your nose, paint your toes, line your lips and keep them closed, crossed your legs, dot your I’s and never let them see you cry…”

Clarke joins in with the singing trio, and they sing another song together with Terri Clarke about being one of the guys that Raven got into as they pull into the hill top parking lot.

Once parked, the four exited the car. Lexa stood at the back the car and just looked up at the restaurant. They were a little late because with three women, one that was instructed to change her outfit twice to something more suitable for an introductory family dinner, was something of a challenge when it came to being on time.

“Hey this is Bell’s place,” the teen announced, looking back at Clarke who just smirked.

Lexa looked at the blonde, who just shrugged her shoulders. “I may have worked here during college,” she said sweetly, “and helped him get the job here when I was adopting Ms. Brody.”

“Of course you did,” Lexa stated rolling their eyes. “And Ryder just happened to pick this place?”

This time Clarke laughed, before taking Lexa by the arm and tugging them forward. “I may have provided him some suggestions.”

“Smooth, Prisa. Real smooth.”

“Come on Commander, I know all the exits and the food is amazing,” she said as they walk past the bull outside the front door.

“That’s not dinner right?” Raven asked, with a minor look of discomfort at the caged animal. Raven was no vegetarian, but was unaccustomed to seeing her food alive before it made it to her place

Clarke giggled. “No, Horney is a pet. Kinda a mascot.” She rubs a small circle on the teen’s back, and added, “Plus, bull meat is gross. We’re having cow tonight.”

*****

They stopped at the bottom of the stairs taking in the view of the city. The summer day was clear and the mountains behind the city were easily seen. Overall the place offered what it promised, “beef and brew with a view.”

It takes only moments before, Lexa can see the back of their heads from the large booth that was angled towards the window. They freeze on what is probably a dance floor and just watch their prior life in adult version.

Ryder is already there and Alexi is talking animatedly to the three adults, when she catches a glimpse of her cousins. She jumps up and is waving eagerly to the girls, who in turn are smiling and waving back at her.

Lexa feels Clarke’s hand in the crook of their arm. They look down at the dark jeans and the blue button up shirt that matched Clarke’s eyes. The suspenders were unnecessary, but Clarke loved them so they wore them.

“Am I dressed okay?” they ask Clarke, who reaches over and presses a kiss to their cheek. They push in the back of the their shirt again, just to make sure it hadn’t come lose.

“You look stunning, Commander,” she whispered. Lexa knew that she was reminding them that they are in control, but it didn’t feel like it. Because it they were in control they would follow the wooden sign indicating where the exit is.

They look up, and find that it is no longer the back of their heads that is visible, but their parents had turned and are looking at them. The general’s head was completely cleared of the booth, and Lexa could see his hair was white from age, but his eyes were still a vibrant green cased in the wrinkled tanned face. The woman though, did not clear the back of the booth, so Lexa could only make out the frizzy brown hair that matched their own, and the raised eyebrow over the two hazel orbs staring back at them.

After a moment of looking at them both, Lexa turned and tried to walk towards the exit, hissing, “I can’t do this, Clarke.” But the grip on their arm, pulled them back into place.

Clarke moved to position herself between the exit and Lexa. “You can’t keep running away, Lex,” she says looking them in the eyes. “We don’t have to stay through dinner, but its time to face them. Because if you don’t do it now, you know your pain in the ass brother will bring them right to our fucking door.”

Lexa took a deep breath, and looked back to where the parental units were only moments before, but the table was empty. They glanced around and found them moving up a few steps. They were going to walk right up to them, and there was nothing they could do to stop them.

“You can do this, Lexa,” they hear the blonde say, but her voice sounds so distant. They watch as though trapped against a rock, as two predators slink towards them.

Their breathing became erratic as the pounding of their head increased and blocked out the country music band playing behind them.

‘I can’t do this,’ they tell themself. And its as if Lexa is a little girl again, unsure of what the next move is, only knowing that everything says run.

They were so close.

‘Too close. Need to move.’ Clarke is holding on to them, her lips are moving but Lexa can’t make out what she is saying over the music and the thumping in her chest and head.

They take another step, but they are stopped.

They were stopped by the tanned girl with chocolate hair. They can’t hear what she says either, but they watched as their mother stood straighter, pressing her shoulders back.

And gradually they come back to themself. Because it their kid can stand up to them, that by hell they can too. ‘That’s my girl,’ they think with a soft curl of their lips. ‘God, I love that kid.’

*****

Raven saw them approaching, and with one look back she could see the terror on Lexa’s face. She watches as Clarke is trying to calm Lexa down, and for the first time, raven knows that Lexa is about bolt.

‘I got you, Nontu.’

Moving a few feet forward, she blocked the path of the man and woman that are clearly related to the stoic brunette that was hyperventilating behind her.

“I don’t know you,” she says holding up a hand with palm out to them. The national symbol of stop, which the Trikru’s follow and pause a the top of the small steps,

“…but you met my little sister last night and apparently you were not very nice.” She feels Octavia take a position behind her, and glancing back she sees, Octavia raise a hand and wave with just her fingers head tilted in a ‘fuck you’ smile.

Raven chuckles slightly but recovers quickly into the stoic mask that she learned from Lexa.

 “So, here’s how this is going to work, if it’s going to work,” she says with a dramatic eye roll.

She watches Mrs. Trikru standing up straighter in her overly frumpy outfit, she thinks, ‘Try me, bitch,’ looking the older woman up and down.

She continues when she is positive she has the older woman’s full attention, “They didn’t want to meet with you. This is like being forced on them to keep you from showing up at our house. So you can be patient and wait. They are going to come over here, but they need to do it at their pace.”

When she is done speaking she folds her arms across her chest, daring them to say anything.

What she doesn’t expect is the older man to take a step forward and wrap her in a strong hug, which she can’t move from to even unfold her arms. Pulling her up from the ground slightly, she frowns, and cries out, “Put me down, Gramps!” She doesn’t mean to say it. Well, she did, but she meant it like an insult. But his kind eyes took it as something with meaning.

“You are just like your… Nantu?” he says softly, and she recognizes the warmth in his voice that matches his son. “You must be Raven?”

Raven lookds at him with a face that tells him she is clearly not impressed.“Ye-p,” she answers, popping the p at the end.

“Its Nontu; not Nantu,” Octavia interjects, “and remember its Lek-sa, not that ridiculously long name you use. Trust me names with too many syllables are way over rated.”

Raven watches as he greets the other girl with a warm smile, and says, “Lexa, got it. It's a pleasure to see you again, Octavia. That’s three syllables, do you have a two syllable name as well?”

“Hmph,” she huffs, “Just call me ‘O’. That's one.” And with a tilt of her head, she says, “I win.”

He smiles a genuine smile, that Octavia matches, and he responds, “It is a pleasure to see you again, O.”

“We’ll see,” she answers followed by a deep inhale and the raise of both eyebrows. She huffs out the air and Raven swears she feels snot particles hit her shoulder, but before she can react Lexa is there.

Next to her.

Standing before their long lost parents.

“You have met my girls,” they say without any inflection in their voice. Raven and Octavia both smile though, because they were Lexa’s girls.

*****

‘Fuck. I’m here,’ they think. ‘I’m in front of them.’

*****

‘My baby is grown up,’ he realizes. ‘She’s beautiful.’ The general wanted nothing more to reach over and hug the little girl he remembered, but this was not the little girl. This was a grown adult standing before him. His baby grew up, and a sadness fills him because he knows that he missed it. He missed the graduations, the first dates, the track meets that his baby had always been so good at.

It was never easy after he watched the teen leave that night. He thought they would come back a few hours later. But they didn’t, and the guilt he held for being the one to drive them out that door had haunted him since.

He knew where they were. He knew when they had graduated high school. He paid Esperanza a stipend to feed them, cloth them when he realized that is where they went. He cried the night that the woman told him the boy had gone to find their Alexandria and bring them back, only to have them disappear into the night. He pulled his strings and he was able to follow them through must of their life at a safe distance.

But now they were here. They stood before him, tall and proud with the attractive blonde at their side and two outspoken and beautiful teens protecting them. They had found a place in this world, and now he wanted a place in theirs.

‘Them,’ he repeated to himself, having been schooled numerous times by his son, who apparently had been banned from their home temporarily when he screwed up.

“Lexa, you are so grown up,” he said softly, not taking his eyes from theirs.

*****

The introductions were tense, but they made it to the table, Lexa having yet to really speak to their mother.

They caught sight of Bellamy walking over, with a tray of drinks. “Hey family,” he says with a broad smile, wearing a red Roper shirt tucked into his dark blue jeans and black Stetson pushed back on his head.

“Hey handsome,” Raven answered first.

“You know each other?” the general asked, and watched as the girl blushed slightly. Bellamy put down the mason jar drinks in front of the girls, clearly familiar with both.

“O, here’s a diet coke. Ray, I got you a Dr. Pepper,” he says, then turns back to the older man. “Yeah, we have an interesting family make up.”

Octavia fills in the blanks with pleasure at watching the older woman shift uncomfortably. She was being very quiet, and the girl wondered what the general had said to her. “Bell is my brother. And he is dating Raven. Bells not adopted so its not really that weird until I have to explain that my sister is dating my brother.”

Clarke laughed heartily, as though this was not the most awkward family dinner. Looking at the boy, she asked, “Is Jar working the bar?” When Bellamy nodded, “Tell him I want a ‘Clarke Special Long Island Ice Tea,’ and Lexi what do you want?”

Still eyeing their parents, Lexa said, “Captain and Diet please, Bell.”

He nodded and left the table, but the conversation was not able to start because the manager had approached the table. “Clarkey, is that you?”

“Hey, Dave!” she greeted the small Hispanic male, with a bold head and goatee.

“You are so grown up, its been years,” his smile was large and it reached his ears on either side

Clarke smiled, “Yeah, these are my daughters Octavia and Raven, and this is my fiancé, Lexa,” she provides as introductions. She holds out her hand, so he can see her ring. Then she gestures to the remaining guests introducing them as well.

“Pleasure to meet y’all,” he says with a slight tip of his hat. Turning back to Clarke, “Make sure you stop over before you leave. Tim is here tonight so I am sure he will stop by to say hello as well.”

Clarke nodded with a tight-lipped smile, “Of course.”

Bellamy returned with the remaining drinks and some bread and butter. They completed the typical ordering behaviors. Once he left the table, the girls slipped away with their cousin to the slide, leaving the adults some time to themselves.

“It’s so great to have everyone together,” Ryder stated in relief that no blood had been shed yet.

“So, this is your family,” their mother said quietly, looking between Clarke and Lexa.

“Yes, Mother,” Lexa answered, unsure what else to say.

“They seem like really happy girls,” the general said, with pleading eyes trying to keep the conversation going. “I hear congratulations are in order as well.”

Clarke’s smiled brightened, “Thank you, yes. Lexa proposed yesterday.”

“Right on, Sib!” Ryder said, making careful selection of the endearment term. Lexa nodded to him with a careful smile.

“Is that even legal,” the older woman asked, tone heated with clear disapproval.

Clarke placed a hand on Lexa’s that was gripping their napkin, and answered, “In Arizona it has been for a few months. I know the Supreme Court is looking at it for federal institution at this point in time.”

“Well, hopefully they have some sense,” Mrs. Trikru stated.

“Yes, sense to make it legal nationwide, so Clarke and I will never have to take that into consideration if we chose to move away,” Lexa stated harshly. But they had chosen their words carefully reminding everyone at the table that they could just leave.

The table returned to awkward silence, and Clarke finished her first drink, while Lexa just swirled their around with the straw.

Bellamy arrived with the food and was about to put it on the table, when Mrs. Trikru spoke again, “And you have no concern for your children and their future?”

Bellamy looked down at the plates and began placing them in their various places. Lexa’s face was scarlet, staring that their mother. Clarke’s grip tightened; as she was afraid Lexa may actually reach across the table and stab the woman through the chest.

The general is the next to speak though, “I think all parents worry about their children’s futures. I know I have. And I know you have as well. You have missed Lexa for the better part of twelve years, so I would suggest that you consider what the future may have for us if this is how our evening is to proceed.”

Lexa’s eyes shot up to see their father’s stern glare meeting the offended stare of their mother. No words were spoken, as the married couple was obviously having a silent conversation. It was as though everyone at the table just stopped breathing and waited.

“Charles, I have every right to be concerned about Alexandria and _her_ future, along with those to children that are being raised without Jesus and in a hope that is telling them perversion is acceptable. I will not sit-”

Bellamy was in mid-reach across the table with the plate, but the words caught him off guard and he thrust the plate towards the woman, hitting the martini glass in front of her, successfully dumping the cloudy liquid to the table and across the front of her white ruffle shirt.

“Sorry, Ma’am,” he said, dropping the plate and handing over a towel. He starts to move from the table to get another towel but turns back. “Actually, I’m not sorry. You claim to walk with Jesus, but honestly it appears you missed his biggest lesson that love is all encompassing. And in place of love you offer nothing but judgment, which is by Christian principles only left to Jesus himself. My sister is better than fine with Momma G and Nontu. You see she came from a Christian house, with a man that made her go to church every Sunday and then he abused her every chance he got. So I am not worried about her future, because she is safe and loved. What do you have? Your kid left you. You get a second chance and you’re about to blow it.”

Mrs. Trikru glared at him, and it was clear that she was trying to come up with something to say; however, she didn’t get the chance.

Clarke turned to the boy, “Bell… can we get some boxes please.” Turning to Lexa, she said, “I’ve heard enough and at this point my only concern is putting my girls in contact with someone filled with so much hatred. Can we please go home?”

Lexa nodded, taking their napkin from their lap, they looked at the pained expression on Ryders face, “Lo siento, but I told you this was a bad idea.”

“Please, don’t go,” the general begged from his seat, sandwiched between Clarke and his wife. “Please, don’t walk away again.”

Lexa shook their head, “Clarke’s right. My priority is my children, as yours should have been. But you took her side then, and nothing has changed. I am me. I am different, but I am awesomesauce as O would say. I let her break me down for years. I tried to hurt myself too many times to count because I couldn’t be the child you both wanted. But I realized in all my years alone that you were not what I needed. This right here,” they move their hands between themself and Clarke, “and those two girls and whatever other children we adopt or Clarke carries for us, that is what I need.”

Tossing their napkin to the table, they continue, “This is my life; this is who I am. I am loved, I am accepted, and I am important. So, I’m sorry but I am done hiding and worrying what would happen if we ever crossed paths again, because this is not worth my time or energy.”

Bellamy was back with the boxes and quickly dumped his family’s food into them, and wrapped up the bag. It only took a moment before Lexa was out of the booth, carrying the bag up the few stairs and saying goodbye the little girl. Clarke watched as the girls also said goodbye and her family walked towards the exit.

Turning her attention back to Bellamy, Clarke pulled out her wallet, and held out her card, “Here, can you settle the table with this, please?”

He held up a hand, “Dave took care of it. Said consider it an engagement present.”

She nodded to him, and turned her gaze back to the general. She could see the sadness radiating from the man, whose shoulders were slumped forward. She reached out and touched his arm gently.

“It was nice to meet you, and I am sorry that this cannot work. But I got to see where Lexa gets their courage and resilience.”

Without giving him the opportunity to respond, Clarke added, “Good day, Mrs. Trikru. Ryder, I hope to see you on Wednesday.”

“Of course, Clarke,” he said solemnly.

And she too walked away from the table, stopping to give her thanks to Dave as she left.

*****

He turned to watch the blonde walk away from the table, following her up the stairs to the bar where she stopped to talk with the smaller man. He hugged her and she smiled at him.

Clarke was everything he could have asked in a partner for his Alexandria. She was strong and protective. He knew of her success from Ryder who had gushed about the author. The general regretted not being able to share with the woman that he had read her book, and was truly impressed with her ability to construct a world that his baby would have been accepted without a second thought.

Why couldn’t he live in that world? He looked over at his still fuming wife, and understood why he couldn’t live in a world with Lexa. He had lost his second chance, because of the woman sitting stubbornly next time him.

A new waiter came to the table, he was smaller that the boy-man that was working with them before.

“Hey folks, I’m Jim. Bellamy had a situation with being over sat, so he asked me to take over for him here. So, how are we doing? Do we need drink refills? Everything cooked correctly?”

Ryder informed him that they were fine and would like a few boxes.

“I think that Alexi and I are going to head home. I seem to have lost my appetite,” he stated.

The general looked at his son, and asked, “Am I going to lose you too?”

The officer shook his head, “No, Dad. I just can’t believe that after I begged Lexa to come here. Swore up and down that you both had changed and just wanted to be apart of their life, that this is what happened. We couldn’t even make it through a meal.”

He met his mother’s eyes, “I know you miss them. I know you want to be apart of their lives. I know you love Alexi so much, and that you would love those two girls too because they are kind, and smart, and incredibly courageous young women. You’re just too stubborn, and too afraid of what anyone else will think of you. But no one is judging you, Mom. Because no one else cares but you.”

The waiter came back with the boxes, and Ryder filled two with his and the girl’s food. He moved to slide from the booth with his mother caught his shirt in her hand. “Is this fixable, Ryder?” she asked.

He looked at her and could see the tears welling in her eyes. This is the first time he noticed that she actually was aware of the damage she had done.

He shook his head, “I don’t think so. But I have seen Clarke and Lexa work through obstacles that are unbelievable to hold that family together. So I can’t say that there is no hope, because if there is one thing that Lexa has taught me, its that there is always hope, even if they’re reluctant to let you in straight away. I mean hell, Lexa is a Trikru, and we are stubborn as an ass, but we also love ferociously. You need to decide if you can love Lexa for Lexa. Because all of this hate you are holding on to is consuming you.“

And the general watches his first-born walk away to retrieve his own Alexandria and leave the same way that the now alienated family went.

He turns to his wife, “Was it worth it?”

And he watched as she shook her head and too left the restaurant. He waited for more boxes, and then also left the booth. As he was headed to the door, he passed the older girl’s boyfriend.

“Bellamy, right?”

The boy turned from the computer screen, and nodded, “Yes, Sir.”

The general took his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out a hundred dollar bill. “I know you must have had to give up your tip for that table. Here, take the fiery one out for a fun time. Just be respectful. She is my granddaughter and I am very very powerful. There is no place you can hide from me.”

The boy takes the bill hesitantly, then looks up at him, and asks, “Then why couldn’t you find Lexa?”

The man inhaled at the question. “I never lost her. I gave Lexa space hoping that maybe something would bring her…” he stops for a second, “…them back to me. And I guess something did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love the feedback. Can Mrs. Trikru fix this?


	59. Chapter 59

The family made it through finals, and was preparing to leave in a week for their summer cabin holiday. It had been two weeks since the family of four walked out of the western restaurant, turning their back to Lexa’s parents as a unit.

Lexa was still struggling with the reappearance of them in their life, primarily because they hadn’t realized how much they missed their father. Though he was always somewhat cold, when they were a child, he seemed to become softer with age.

Lexa dreaded the day’s plan that involved another trip to Costco. But they needed to stock up on supplies as their numbers had increased to include the Ryder and Alexi, as well as Bellamy and Lincoln.

Neither boy had intended on going, but circumstances had created them needing a place for summer. Indra received word that she would be leaving earlier than initially planned, while Bellamy’s fraternity house did not pass its building code inspection and was under construction for the summer. Even though Lexa had hoped the trip would give the girls time without the boys, they couldn’t justify leaving the boys at the house by themselves for the summer. 

They brought two cars this time to Cosco, which was a thrill trying to find parking spaces close to one another in the chaotic parking lot.

Grabbing four baskets this time, Lexa prepared for Clarke’s pep talk once in the door. Clarke was smiling broadly and even though Lexa hated this store, they couldn’t deny the pleasure in watching Clarke get all bossy with how they shop.

“Okay, guys, here’s the plan. Octavia and Mom, you guys are on snack foods. Take two baskets, and get as many non-perishable snacks. We need some healthy foods, O, not just fruit snacks. Raven, hit the camping section, I know they will have one. Pick out a couple tents; we need enough for us plus one for the boys, because I know Lexi has one night of camping planned for us. Get other camping shit as well. I don’t know much about it so use your best judgment. Ryder said he has a shit load of stuff though, so maybe shoot him a textt. Lexa and I will take the cold sections. Any questions?” Clarke shifted her gaze to the family and when everyone nodded, they put their hands in and did a slight cheer before heading in opposite ends of the store.

Lexa held onto Clarke’s belt loop trying not to lose the small blonde, as she navigated through the cluster mess of people and carts.

“No panic attacks today, right babe?” Clarke said sending a quick smirk back to Lexa.

Lexa smiled, shaking their head. Apparently they hadn’t been so sly last time.

*****

She froze when she saw the broody teen pushing the heavy cart through the aisle with a smaller woman at her side also pushing a cart. Octavia was pulling in box after box of snack foods, and Lidia Trikru was confused as to why any family would need that much processed foods. She turned her back to them as they pushed the cart by her, not wanting the teen to see her. Unfortunately, they stopped just passed her.

“Gram, we need chocolate,” Octavia whined, holding up a bag of chocolate bars.

Taking a glance to the side, she watched as the woman who must be Clarke’s mother, just smile shaking her head. Lidia stood still, as she heard the woman with a rougher voice state, “O, half of what you put in the cart is chocolate. We need granola bars, nuts, trail mix. We are going camping and chocolate melts.”

“You know all of us are going to hit that time of the month when were up there and if we are short on chocolate, someone may not come back,” the teen answered back with her hands on her hips.

“Touche, Miss Aggressive, but we need other food as well.”

She couldn’t help but watch the interaction. Everything was just so normal and casual between the two, and something pulled inside.

‘It’s not okay,’ she thinks to herself, trying to justify her own prejudices. But the pain at not being able to acknowledge the teen still ached. Ryder was right; the kid was special.

Watching the girl picked up a trail mix box, she holds it to the other in triumph, as she says, “This one has nuts and chocolate!”

“Fine!” the woman says in exasperation, and Lidia is amused to see the girl put four boxes in the cart. “Four boxes? Do we really need four boxes?”

The girl laughed- another tug- and then said, “Have you met the boys. They eat a lot.”

A sigh, then an agreement, “Yes, I swear your boy eats enough for three, but then you eat like your consistently starving as well.”

“Just pretend we’re preparing for the end of the world and we may need to move up to a space station where chocolate and the good shit will be no more. Might as well enjoy it while I can,” Octavia quipped, turning her head back and catching a glimpse of her.

‘Oh no.’

But the girl did nothing, just looks at the other woman who casts a questionable glance at Octavia and then at her.

“Let’s go,” Octavia said, pushing her cart away quickly. Abby meets Lidia’s eye and tilts her head slightly in question. Unable to hold the contact, Lidia turns away and begins to push her cart down the aisle.

“Are you the mother?” she hears behind her. Turning around, she sees Abby still standing in the same spot. She watches as Abby looks her up and down. “You look like Lexa.”

“She’s her father’s daughter,” Lidia answers, and watches as Abby squints her eyes slightly.

“You really are a piece of work,” Abby answers. Lidia takes a moment to really look at the smaller brunette, who was younger than she would have imagined and a tiny woman over all.

“Excuse me?” Lidia could not believe that this woman had the audacity to say anything to her.

Abby just raises her eyes brows and shakes her head slightly, but takes a step forward. “I missed out on three years of my granddaughter’s life and years of my daughter’s because I was a stubborn jackass, like you. But let me tell you from an insider’s perspective. You are missing out. I wouldn’t trade this family for the world.”

“It’s not right,” she answers with conviction, though internally her stomach flips.

And Abby laughed in her face. Not a soft chuckle, but a full laugh.

She wanted to reach over and slap the woman for disrespecting her, but she had values and sense of decorum. At least she thought she did.

“The only thing not right, is denying your child love and respect for who they are. And I will say is, your kid is fucking amazing.” She turns from where Lidia stands and starts to push her cart away, but turns slightly to let out one last jab, “But I guess they are their father’s child, so it makes since that the amazingness must come from him.”

Before Lidia can come up with her own snarky remark, Abby is gone in the sea of consumers. She stands still; thinking about what the woman said. Was her sense of morality worth missing out on Alexandria’s life? Was it worth missing her grandchildren calling her grandma? She remembered how long it took her to warm to the little girl that was not her blood, because Ryder opted to adopt the girl before his marriage fell apart. But the child was now her princess, and she would do anything for Alexi. She wondered if she could do that with those two teens, if they could or would pull her the same way.

‘Doesn’t matter. You already gave up your second chance,’ she tells herself, pulling her back to the task at hand. She continued her shopping, hoping not to run into the woman or girl again.

*****

Lexa stood at the cart, rearranging the food, as fast as they could. But Clarke kept throwing in new items haphazardly, and they were becoming frustrated. The block of cheese bounced into the cart from a toss a few feet away.

“Clarke,” they turned around with a huff of hot air, “you are messing with my system.” Holding up the cheese to the woman.

The blonde laughed at them, her eyes twinkling under the fluorescent lighting.

‘Why does she have to be so fucking cute when I want to be mad at her,’ they wonder.

“What system, Lex? We’re shopping…can’t you save your OCD for when we get home?”

Lexa huffed again, walking to the blonde. Pulling her in by the hips, Lexa pouts a lip out slightly.

“Fine!” she says in exasperation. But is rewarded when the pouty lip turned to a smile and then pressed softly on the cheek. “You can’t always win with your adorable face though!” she calls back to where Lexa has returned to the cart and is now organizing again.

*****

Clarke sees Lidia and knows that Lidia sees her, when they are in the fresh vegetable section. There is no place to go, as the cold locker is about the size of a one car garage.

“Lexa, can you go start looking at oranges and shit out in the fruit section,” she asks, hoping that Lexa has not noticed that their mother is just a few yards away.

“Don’t mess up my cart, Clarke,” Lexa says with a mini duck face and rumpled brow, which draws a smile from Clarke and a light chuckle.

“I make no promises, Lexi,” she answers. Lexa walks to the door, and turns back to Clarke pointing to their eyes with two fingers and then back at Clarke. This earns them a full-hearted laugh, until she remembers why she asked Lexa to leave the room.

“She’s happy with you,” she hears from a little ways behind her.

Turning abruptly, she faces Lidia. The woman looks smaller than last time they were together, and her eyes were heavy with dark circles showing through the weakly applied concealer.

“I should smack you for even thinking you can talk to me,” she spits out with a stare of sheer fury. “You disrespected my partner and you belittled my child. You have no idea how hard it was for Lexa to go to that dinner only to have you disrespect our family. I let my own mother do that for years not realizing how badly it hurt my girl. But I know now, and I won’t let you hurt them anymore.”

Lidia looks down at her cart, a little deflated. Clarke feels a tab bit bad for jumping down her throat, but then she remembered all the hateful remarks that the woman made to them and to Octavia, and her fire returned.

“Just leave us alone,” she spit out again.

“Do you believe in second chances, Clarke?” the woman asks softly.

This causes Clarke to look at her carefully. Turning her head to the produce, she licked her front teeth, taking a deep breath. ‘Yes, you do, Clarke,’ she tells herself.

“Yes,” she replies, but then turns back to the woman. “And you got yours. I don’t believe in numerous opportunities to hurt others though.”

They stare at each other, and Clarke feels the cold getting to her. She pulls out of the stare when she hears Lexa’s voice, “Did you mess up my ca-“

Clarke sees that Lexa, holding two bags of oranges, has caught sight their mother. Clarke pushes her cart forward, “We can come back to this section, Lex. Let’s go.”

Lexa nods, but then turns to Clarke with a devious smile and leans in to give Clarke a kiss on the lips. Clarke knows it's a fuck you kiss to their mother, but she’s in the mood for a little fuck you too. So she reaches over and places her hand at the back of Lexa’s neck, pulling them into her. She presses their lips together stronger and feels Lexa move a little closure. They pull pack and add a last little peck, before pulling away all together.

Looking back at their mother, Lexa says, “I don’t care what you think of me.”

Nudging Clarke to the side slightly, they push the giant cart from the cold locker together, with their middle hands intertwined on the cart’s push bar.

*****

Raven was the only one that hadn’t run into Lidia Trikru yet, but that ended abruptly when the woman was rushing down an aisle and slammer her cart into the side of Raven’s.

“I’m sorry,” the woman said, not looking up to see who she had run into. But Raven recognized her immediately, and could see the tears in her eyes. She wanted to be mean, but couldn’t find it in her to be disrespectful to a crying old lady. Because seriously, Lidia Trikru looked old in that moment.

“So, I am guessing you either ran into Octavia or Mom,” Raven says, pulling the woman’s eyes to hers.

Wiping the tears from her face, Lidia choked out the question that affirmed to Raven that she had run into one or both of the Griffin women, “Are you going to tell me to go to hell as well?”

Raven laughed with just her nose, and then bit her bottom lip, considering it. But she shook her head. “Nope,” with a pop.

“I will leave you then,” Lidia answered, but didn’t move right away. Instead she glanced in the cart, taking in the supplies for the trip that Abby and Octavia had spoken of.

“Can I just ask you something?” and the question caught Lidia by surprise.

When she didn’t answer or move, Raven took it as an okay to ask, “Why did you bring the big guns to dinner?”

Lidia furrowed her brow momentarily trying to make out what the girl meant. Raven picked up on the fact that Lidia did not understand her, so she rephrased the question.

“I mean, you knew that they would be on the defense. Did you want dinner to fail miserably, or was it just shitty judgment?”

“Do you all speak with such vulgarity all the time?” the woman asked without thinking, and her eyes grew wide realizing that this is what Raven meant by big guns.

But the girl didn’t react harshly, just laughed. “Look, we’re a bunch of street kids. Octavia was in a shitty place that Mom rescued her from, and I was homeless for awhile, lived like a fucking concubine for a while and then was homeless again. Mom has a mouth, but she is also the prim and proper teacher like 85% of the time. But I guess what is comes down to is we’re not afraid of offending you, because we don’t care what you or anyone else thinks of us. We have lived hard lives and if we want to use vulgarity to express ourselves then we have very right to do so.” She shrugs her shoulders slightly.

Then looking at the woman, she says, “I answered your question, now answer mine.”

She watched as the woman took in a deep breath and she was thinking before speaking.

‘Well that’s new,’ the girl thought bringing a slight smirk to her face. Clarke had been wearing down her ability to hide every emotion, and Raven wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing when it came to talking to the missing grandmother.

“I ain’t got all day,” Raven said, and then added, “You know their going to come looking for me soon, and I doubt they want to see you talking to me.”

The woman met her eyes, and then spoke, “I wanted dinner to work, but I was raised to follow the church’s teachings. I can’t just give that up.”

Raven sighed, and it was her turn to think for a minute.

‘Should I say it?’ she deliberated.

“I know you have something to say, Raven. You seem like someone that doesn’t hold back. I can handle whatever cruel words you have to tell me off. It will not change my opinion on the matter,” the woman said, standing a little taller.

Raven’s head drops to one side and she looked at her. Really taking her in.

“No one is asking you to give up your opinion. I think that everyone would like an apology for your disrespect towards us as a family, but honestly we just don’t care that much about you to worry about if you think we are going to a place that we don’t even believe in, because we have each other. And we have all been alone for sooo long. Yet we found a way to love each other. Even though Mom is the reason Octavia ended up in foster care, that kid loves her. Even though Nontu broke Mom’s heart at first, they are so in love its ridiculous. Love is powerful and can break down everything.”

Lidia absorbs the girl’s words and is amazed that for someone so young, she really had a good grasp on life. Raven continued, as Lidia’s face floods with various emotions.

“No one was asking you at dinner to give us your beliefs. They were asking you to be respectful of everyone’s choices because we are all people. People with feelings and pasts that you don't understand. You don’t have to agree with Nontu’s identity to love them, just keep your bigoted thoughts to yourself. You don’t have to agree with two people of the same anatomy getting married, but you don’t need to belittle their love for one another or their relationship. You don’t have to agree with our family, but that doesn’t mean you should tell us that we are not one.”

Raven would have continued but Lidia held up her hand to stop the girl.

“I understand what you are saying, Raven. But Clarke made it very clear that I am out of chances,” she said and the defeated stance returning.

Raven laughed at the woman and she felt bad but she couldn’t help it. When Lidia looked at her quizzically, Raven recovered some.

“You’re never out of chances with Mom,” but this only brought more questions to the woman’s eyes. Exhaling deeply, she explicates further, “Gramma Abby was a royal bitch to Mom and O for years, because she wanted what you want, a biological family, but Mom still kept letting her come back. Nontu broke her heart, like hard core despair that left her a cryin’ mess for days, and she still welcomed them back when they made a valiant effort to show they wanted to be there. It took a little work, but now their engaged. I did my own fair share of fucked up shit and she still loves me and wants to adopt me. People make mistakes, and all Mom cares about is the future. I think that's why your future comment pissed her off so much,” and Raven waved her off when she saw another questioned look cross Lidia’s face because she hadn’t been there to hear the conversation. “She told us. We try really hard not to keep secrets anymore.”

They paused momentarily.

“So there is a chance?” Lidia asked hesitantly, but she heard the louder teen’s voice coming from around the corner.

Raven inhaled and looked over at the woman. “Don’t make me regret this.”

She moves towards her and takes her phone from the purse in the child’s seat of the cart. Adding the contact name, Raven Trikru-Griffin, she types in their address.

“We have an open door policy, which means we do not turn away anyone that comes to the door. But think about everything I said. You have to accept Nontu as Lexa and they and them, if you can’t do it you’re wasting your time and I guarantee they will pack us all up and move us out of state before you can return. But if you want this. Like really want it. Then fight for it. Fight to be a part of this family or move on with your life.”

Lidia nodded to the younger girl. Raven sensed that she was really taking in what she had said and it made her proud of herself.

Octavia and Abby had round the corner and were approaching. Raven could see in their eyes they knew who she was talking to, so she whispered, “Now move your ass before they lay into you again.”

And Lidia did as instructed, moving down the aisle with her cart, in the opposite direction as the other two approached.

“What was that about?” Octavia asked her sister. Raven looked at the girl and then to Abby.

“Did you yell at her, or did Mom?” Raven said with an unamused look on her face. Octavia’s jaw dropped and her face was contorted in a look of utter offense.

“I didn’t say a word to the bitch,” she said indignantly.

Abby looked at Raven, and confessed, “I may have been a little bit of a dick.”

“Who were you a dick to?” Clarke asked as she pushed the Tetris stacked cart up to the other family members.

Abby looked at Clarke and then to Lexa, “Your mother.”

Lexa sighed, looking at Clarke. “How about we just move to Seattle?” they say, slumping their shoulders forward with puppy dog eyes.

Clarke laughed a little, though Abby’s eyes perked up a little. “No, we are not moving. This is our home and yes we may run into the Trikru’s here, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a right to be here. Plus I was more than a dick to her, so I think she will avoid us on future occasions.”

“Or not, because Raven was just talking to her AND being nice,” the teen huffed out, folding her arms across her chest. Lexa looked at Raven with a questioned crease across their forehead.

Raven held up her hands in a what gesture. She was frustrated at the way they all had behaved today even thought she wasn’t there to witness it; it was clear that they all were probably overly harsh with the woman who didn’t necessarily approach any of them.

Holding a hand out to everyone, “Well you all made the old lady cry and that's not going to help her see us as awesome people. And you can bitch and moan all you want, but Gram you got a second chance, hell you got tons of chances and it took a heart attack for you to stop being a bitch. And Octavia you threw tantrums for years, because remember…” she pointed to herself, “…. I lived with Finn so I heard ALLLL about your drama queen ways.” Raven inhaled sharply, “I got the chance after knowingly trying to steal Mom’s man. And Nontu, you bolted but got another chance too…. “ shifting her gaze to Clarke, “… and even though you’re the one to always give chances, we all gave you a chance after you posted our fucking lives online.”

Holding up her arms again, “So yes, we are all fucked up, and we do dumb shit and say dumb shit as was apparent just two weeks ago when we stood in the living room screaming at each other. But that’s what makes us so great is we give people chances to right their wrongs. I mean Mom you were even willing to give Finn a chance until you realized that I was a kid when he started fucking me. So you can say she is judgmental, but fuck we all are.”

And Raven ran out of breath and some energy from throwing her hands around as she animatedly told every member in the group the ways that they had almost lost this family they have managed to create.

It seemed as though everyone stopped breathing, so that Raven may inhale all of the oxygen in the area, with several deep breathes.

Clarke pulled Raven into her, “You are an amazing; you know that?”

Raven smiles, but says, “I’m sorry… I was mean just now…. I just feel… hhhuuu… like we are being really harsh to her.” She feels her mom pull her in tighter, and then feels another body pressed up against her back. She smells the coconut shampoo and knows it's her sister.

“We’re so lucky you found us,” Clarke tells her, and finally let’s go.

Once the moment is done, they take in their stock and head to the check out, where Clarke actually let’s Lexa pay for half of the supplies.

 

* * *

 

Two days later its morning, when Lidia stands on the front porch and rings the doorbell. She stands there, the early morning sun beating on her back, when she hears a teen screaming from inside about someone ringing the fucking bell.

The door is pulled open abruptly and Lidia is met face to face by the aqua-eyed girl. The girl is in a sports bra and tight shorts, and Lidia can’t believe that she would actually come to the door in such little attire. She leans back when the girl screams, “Mom, we officially need to move.”

And before Lidia can say anything, the door is slammed in her face, without so much as a hello.

‘Rude,’ she thinks. But she reaches over and rings the bell again.

She can hear another voice calling from inside this time and a dog barking.

*****

Clarke pulls herself from bed at the second ring; irritated that someone feels it is appropriate to wake her up this early.

Walking through the house, Autumn is standing at the front door barking. Clarke looks over to where the teen is disappears back down the hall.

She calls over to Octavia, who ignores her, “Who the fuck is ringing the god damn fucking bell this early is in the fucking morning.”

Pulling open the door, she sees Lidia standing there. Wiping sleep from her eyes, she looks the woman over that is holding a plate.

‘Are those cinnamon rolls?’ Clarke wonders, but then shakes her head, ‘This is Trikru. No, you will not falter for food, Clarke.’

“What do you want? I know I told you, you were not welcome here,” she said irritated for being woken up, for not having her coffee yet, and for having this woman of all people on her doorstep. At least if it was Finn she could have punched him.

Lidia shifted uncomfortably, and held out the plate, “I was told this house always has an open door and I brought you breakfast.”

Clarke huffed and held the door open, but took the plate quickly before the woman could enter and moved into the kitchen. She called out, “Disney, she brought cinnamon rolls!”

“Fuck that, the shits probably poisoned!” the teen calls back, not coming out from her bedroom.

*****

Lidia took a step into the open floor plan, and absorbed the well-put together house. The dog at her feet wagged its dark tale, eager for attention. She reaches down and touches it’s head carefully with a few gently pats.

“Is Lexa hear?” she asks carefully, not sure if she wants to see her youngest child yet or not.

“No, they run in the morning and if they’re in a good mood they bring me coffee to wake me up. Just a warning if you’re going to be an ass I have even less of a filter for being woken with no coffee,” the blonde says, shoving a cinnamon roll into her mouth.

“I came to apologize to you for being disrespectful at dinner,” Lidia says carefully, still standing in the doorway.

“Wanna close the door, so my electric bill doesn’t go through the fucking roof,” Clarke says, turning to the mini-drink refrigerator and pulling out a coke zero. The top popping is accompanied by the sound of the door closing quietly.

The woman takes a few more steps in, and Clarke gestures to the table, “So, let’s hear this apology.”

She takes a step towards the table, but the teen comes bustling out of the first hallway, still lacking any resemblance of clothing. Taking a look at the woman at the table, she says, “I’m going to start house searching. You know Nontu’s going to go all sad face and walls up when they see she’s here. I guess this means I don’t have to hear y’all fuck anymore.”

She doesn’t give Lidia a second glance when she moves to the kitchen and looks at the peace offering. Lidia can tell that she wants one, but doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she wants one.

“Would you like me to have one as well, so you know they are not poisoned?” she asks smugly, only to receive a glare from the teen.

“Stop being an ass, O,” the blonde states, and Lidia can see that Clarke clearly is not a morning person. Before the girl can grab one though, the door is pushed open, and all attention is shifted to the body with a messy bun and skintight running clothes.

*****

Lexa tosses their keys into the basket on the entryway table, as they are calling out, “Prisa, we really have to discuss this ridiculous drink of yours.” They set the small drink tray that is loaded with other drinks as well on the table, and pull out the milky mixture that they know will make Clarke a nicer person.

“I mean do you really have to fill every box. What is up with light ice. Can’t you just have normal ice. I look like a fool every time I have to order it,” they continue their rant.

They realize though that they are not alone in the house, and it takes all but a second for their eyes to fall on their mother at their table with their family.

 ‘What the fuck!’ they curse internally.

They are taking in the sight of the woman, sitting slightly stiff across from the disheveled blonde.

They hand Clarke her drink, who immediately takes it from them and takes a long swig as though it will give her a buzz. Putting a sweet smile, the woman, says, “Your mother stopped by with cinnamon rolls. Just so you know I am going to kill your brother.”

Lexa grunts, “I’m going to help you in that endeavor.”

Lidia closes her eyes, not thinking that they would assume she learned of their home through her son. She is about to tell them that he wasn’t the one that told her where they lived, when the other teen emerged from the same hallway that Octavia had come from followed by Bellamy.

Lexa’s look went from shock over their mother being at the table to irritation that the two had come from the bedroom, “What in the actual hell do you two think you’re doing.”

Bellamy’s eyes went wide and hands in the air, “No stars, Nontu. Promise. No stars.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “I heard there are cinnamon rolls, and we didn’t have sex. Not sex sex. No pre sex, no oral sex, no finger sex. No sex. Yes, we slept together in the same bed, but its not like I am a virgin and Bellamy knows that we are not having sex for a very very long time. He still has to get over numbers and shit, and I need to be fully comfortable that I am fucking him for the right reason and not because I want him to stay with me. Its that one you need to worry about,” she says pointing at Octavia.

“Seriously,” the teen groans.

Lexa shifts their gaze to Octavia, “Why do I have to worry about you?” and after a moment they follow up with, “Where is Lincoln?”

Octavia shoots Raven an angry glare. Lexa raised their hands to their head and gripped their hair, losing all focus on that their mother is sitting in the room with them watching them lose their mind. “Is he… did you…”

“Arg! He’s sleeping, but we didn’t have sex sex either,” she says with a huff, her face red from embracement.

Lexa moves towards the girl, and says, “We have rules!”

Octavia looked at them sternly, “You said not to have sex until I was ready. I didn’t have sex with him because I’m not ready, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to do other things.”

Clarke smacked her hand to the table, “Enough!” Everyone jumped slightly and turned to see Clarke’s angry morning face that they had all grown to fear. She meets each of their eyes to let them know that they all are in deep shit later.

“Octavia, go wake up Lincoln and put some fucking clothes on. Lexa chill the fuck out, because your mother is sitting at my fucking table and we are just solidifying all her judgments of our fucking family,” and Lexa looks back to see their mother sitting awkwardly at the table, not looking at anything but the table and squeezing her hands uncomfortably.

“Why do I suspect that, Raven, you are the one that is responsible for our visitor today?” Clarke asks the girl behind her, and Lexa looks over at the girl with a cinnamon roll stuffed in her face.

She shrugs, and says with her mouth still full, “Opum moors. We give stecond chances.”

Lidia pushes up from the table, “I’m sorry. This is clearly a bad timing.”

“Sit, because no timing with you is good timimg,” Clarke commands taking another sip of her drink, then looking back at Octavia. “Why are you not moving, Miss?”

Octavia exhales, moving towards her room, not before knocking into Raven as she passes. “I can’t believe you ratted me out,” she hisses to her sister.

“I can’t believe you made me hold Bellamy back all night, listening to you too. Just because Mom’s loud doesn’t mean you need to be too.”

Lexa glares at both girls, and Raven shrugs again, “I’m the good kid.”

“No you’re not,” came from down the hall.

*****

Lidia doesn’t know why but she sits back down on Clarke’s command. She has to give it to the blonde, for being as tiny as she is, the woman can control the room.

“So, you were going to apologize,” she says eyes clearly not amused by the morning’s events. “Lexa, care to join us?”

Lexa stood at the kitchen counter, and answered, “I’m good over here.”

“Okay, babe. Mrs. Trikru, the floor is yours,” Clarke says with an unamused smile, plastered across her face, and the half consumed latte in her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like a cliff hanger would be cruel and I am in a mean mood today. Hope you enjoyed.


	60. Chapter 60

_The General pushed through the front door clearly flustered. It wasn't until the paperback commencement book was dropped on the coffee table in front of her, that Lidia realized where he had been and why he was so irate._

_“Six years, and I can’t even congratulate her at her college graduation,” he hisses, pouring him self three fingers of bourbon at the mini bar, before sitting down. He sat in his chair; the leather lazy boy where he had read their little girl stories as a child. The military made sure the houses were always changing, but that chair was consistent._

_She watched as he rubbed his hand without the glass on the arm, and then gripped the edge tensely. His eyes were glassy and she could see the heartbreak buried behind the green irises. Lidia knew he was wishing that the girl had never left, or even if she had just come back. He would have bent all of their beliefs for his baby. She had always had that effect on him._

_“Was she with that girl? The one we saw her with at the furniture store,” she asked focusing on the Better Home and Garden magazine in her lap._

_“Yes. She graduated today as well,” he answered, staring at his glass that he still hadn’t taken a sip from. She could tell his mind was not focused on the drink._

_Lidia looked up at her husband. The resolve set in her eyes, she stated, “That is why we cannot just go and congratulate her, Charles. She is living a life of sin. We have a granddaughter now. You can’t expose Alexi to that. We cannot allow her to think that laying with another woman is acceptable.”_

_His eyes moved from his glass to the woman he had married, and for a moment she knew that the thought running through his mind was why had he married her. She had felt him thinking that many times over the last years since Alexandria walked from their door._

_“We cannot have her in this house, until she is in a mental state that is suitable for this family,” Lidia responded coldly._

_The man looked back to the drink, and she watched as this new person took seat in her husband’s body. Someone she was unfamiliar with, whose vacant eyes shook her. “You know how many soldiers I have that are lesbians?”_

_“I don't see how that-“_

_“Too many to count… but they’re just people. And they work hard. And they’re happy. And they have families. And you know what I realized?” he asked, taking a large gulp from the glass._

_“What, dear?”_

_She watched him tilting the glass, spinning the liquid from side to side. He took a moment, before he let the words out, “I could have my family back too. But you’re standing in my way.”_

_“She chose to leave us, Charles. She walked out that door and never came back,” the woman reinforced the same argument she had since, the first time her husband came home with information of where they could find their daughter. The anger still filled her, at how the community responded to their daughter running away. The issues with Charles’ work, for if he can’t run his home, how could he run the army. Making them look like bad parents, when they were only trying to teach her how to behave in society._

_“She chose to leave because I gave her no choice,” the man stated quietly, as though really he was just talking to himself. “I ran out my daughter, and now I am too ashamed to go and fight to get her back.”_

 

Sitting across from the clearly hostile blonde, in spite of the coffee that she claimed would give her a ‘filter’, Lidia reflected on the day she watched her husband close himself off from their marriage. Remembers that it was the day they stopped sharing a room. They stopped sharing meals, except when family was present. All because of her prejudices.

Lidia could only meet the blue eyes across the table from her. Unable to even look over at her flesh and blood that refused to be near her. Unable to look into the eyes that could very well show the same emptiness that the matching set held back for her home. The older version that had not looked at her, since they left the restaurant sixteen days ago, not that she had been counting or anything.

Licking her lips, she gazed at Clarke, having forgot the speech that she had prepared as she drove over here. She had tried to hold onto to it, but watching her youngest child interacting so naturally as a parent had thrown her.

Now Lidia sat across the unsympathetic woman that Lexa had chosen to marry, trying to figure out how to apologize for twelve years of mistakes. But her thoughts are interrupted again, by Clarke’s voice.

“So… if you don’t have anything to say, we can just eat your cinnamon rolls and you can have your plate back,” Clarke states, taking another drink of latte leaning back in her chair as though there is nothing Lidia that will say to phase her.

“I had a speech… an apology speech prepared. I just… I’m sorry,” she says, beginning to stand up. But Raven comes around the table and sits in the chair next to her, and pats her hand gently. She looked into the chocolate eyes, and sits back down.

“Don’t worry, her bark is worse than her bite. She’s just bitchy that you woke her up,” her tone was gentle and kind, and Lidia could tell she already loved this kid. But Raven’s gaze didn’t stay on her long, because she was looking across the table at her mother. “Mom, I know the caffeine hasn’t hit your blood stream yet but come on. You know apologies are hard as hell.”

Letting out a huff of air, Clarke states, “She’s right. I’m being a bitch.” And her eyes meet Lidia’s, “I have a lot of residual anger from everything that happened over the years with my mother and O that when everything at dinner went down, and your words were oh too familiar…” she shakes her tousled bed hair, “I lost my cool with you.”

She shifted in her seat to hunch over the table, looking at the lid of her drink. Lidia watched Clarke run her tongue over her teeth, and she recognized this as Clarke’s sign of irritation. When she spoke again, Lidia realized she was opening the conversation for a real apology, “I gave my mother three years of chances, and it took Lexa to finally get us on speaking terms and for Octavia to have the grandmother she always wanted. So, I’m sorry I took out my aggression on you. I felt the need to defend my family, but the manner in which I did so was unacceptable. ”

Clarke continued to look at the drink, and Lidia could tell that she was reflecting on all the unkind behaviors she had enacted over the past few days. Lidia took the moment of silence as her turn to apologize.

 “I’m sorry for ruining dinner,” were the first words to fall out of Lidia’s mouth, gaining the attention of the blonde, who shifted her stony blue eyes on her. I too have been angry for a really long time.” Looking at Lexa, she met their eyes, “I was so angry at you for walking out and not coming back. I blamed you for leaving, for making me look like a bad mother. I blamed you for your father growing to hate me because we knew. We knew where you were the whole time, and he wanted so badly to reach out to you, but I stop… I stopped him.”

She began to choke up as she spoke, and the now dressed teen, carried her over a tissue box from somewhere down the hall.

Taking a tissue, she looked up at the girl who had lost the anger from her eyes. “Thank you, Octavia,” she said as the girl moved over to the counter.

Lidia turned her attention back to Lexa, had moved to stand with their back to the kitchen sink and was looking away from her. She wanted to move and touch them, but she couldn’t.  So instead she spoke, “I realized though after speaking with several of you a few days ago, that I was not angry with you, Lek-sa,” making a point to annunciate their chosen name, “I was angry with myself. I was angry that I pushed you to be someone you were not, and when you rejected it I rejected you. I hated who I had become as a mother, because,” and now the tears really did flow, “…I lost my child. I lost you and then I was too much of a coward to face you. To tell you I was wrong. And baby, I was so wrong.”

Through her tears, Lidia could see Lexa wiping at their own face. Pushing up from the table, she moved towards them. Stopping in front of them, not sure if it was okay to reach out. Lexa had never been a child that enjoyed much physical contact, and Lidia was not sure if that had changed.

Lexa’s eyes were trained on the ground at her feet, but Lidia could see their tears easily. Could see the emotions rolling through them.

“I am so sorry, Lexa. I missed out on so much of your life because I was stubborn and selfish,” and the green eyes shifted from her feet to her eyes. She could see her baby but also the person her baby grew into. She could see the pain of twelve years, and the pain of two weeks. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she made her last plea, “I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I can only hope that you can let me be apart of your life.”

*****

‘They knew? How did they know?’

Lexa moved her gaze from her mother’s obnoxiously hideous shoes to her eyes. The eyes they had not looked into since that night at the dinner table. And they saw the regret. They saw the apology there. And mostly they saw the plea for a chance.

Clarke and Raven’s words echoed in her, ‘ Everyone needs a second chance, Lexa.’

Lexa takes a deep breath. Their mother was so close now. Right in front of them. They could touch her, but they won’t. They won’t make that move.

“I love Clarke,” they whisper. “But you can’t handle that. You’ve said so.”

Lidia’s eyes teared up, and she reached over and touched Lexa’s arm. Her hands were soft, never having done a days work in her life.

“If she makes you happy, then I have nothing to say against her. She makes you happy, and I got to see a side of you that I had never seen before. And if she brings that out in you, then I can love her too,” she speaks softly, but it's sounds more like she is begging. Begging for the chance to love Clarke.

Lexa doesn’t expect her to continue, but she does, “You have daughters. Two beautiful girls that I want to know. They are special and they are yours and I want to get to be there for them like Clarke’s mom is. I want to know them and argue about chocolate snacks and strange dystopias that Octavia seems to be obsessed with. I want to see them on camping trips. I want to be there. Please.”

Lexa pulls away. They can’t handle the woman being this close to them. They can’t handle her standing here, telling them she wants to be in their life. It’s too much.

Their breaking down, and they can’t let anyone see that. So they walk away. They walk back into the bedroom. A place that she wouldn’t dare follow.

*****

Clarke watches Lexa go, and then follows. The two disappear into the back of the house, and Lidia is unsure what to do. She moves to the table, and picks up her purse. But a hand on her shoulder stops her.

She looks to see the younger girl looking at her. Octavia says, “Don’t go yet. They need to process.”

Lidia looks to Raven, who nods and then says, “Sometimes it takes a while. The first time, I sat on the couch for an hour while Mom talked them into letting me stay.”

She takes a seat, and Octavia takes the place of her mother, with Lincoln at her side. He is stuffing a cinnamon roll in his mouth, but his eyes are tired. This brings a smile to Lidia’s face, as she realizes how unbelievably mature these young people are in the house, but at the same time so young.

*****

When Abby comes into the house, she sees the teens all sitting quietly around the table with someone. Making her way towards the table, she recognizes the woman, and is slightly shocked to see her at the table with the kids.

“Morning,” she says, moving towards the tray of drinks and pulling the one that she knows Lexa got for her.

Octavia looks over at her, “Hey, Gram.”

“Where’re your parents?” she asks when no one says anything else.

Raven looks over at her. “They’re in the bedroom, hopefully talking.” The smirk that is on her face, lets Abby know that there is an implication of hope they are not back there having sex. She laughs a little.

“Yeah, I’m with you on that one,” which brings a smile and a few chuckles from everyone else but Lidia, who seems to be aware that she is left out of the inside joke.

Looking at the woman, she says, “As uncomfortable as this is going to make you, you might as well be in on the knowledge that when those two disappear it is better never to follow them. They have a very active sex life.”

And this brings a larger laugh from the kids, and slowly the silence dissipates into questions about what to make for breakfast, because Lincoln had polished off half of the cinnamon rolls already.

She watches as Lidia’s shocked expression moves to one of mild discomfort. Abby came over and placed a hand on her arm. With soft eyes, she said, “This is an uncomfortably open house. Just as a heads up.” Lidia nodded.

*****

They can hear the laughter from the living room, but it doesn’t change the waves of emotions flooding their body. They felt Clarke’s hands on their hips, as she pulled them back into her, wrapping her arms around their midsection.

“I’m right here, baby,” she whispers as she presses her headd to the sweaty back in front of her. She can feel her partner’s erratic breathing begin to calm some.

“Can I do this, Clarke? Can I let them back in?” Lexa whispers hoarsely.

Clarke runs her fingertips over the tight tank top, trying to still calm them. She thinks about the words that had flowed from Lidia’s mouth. The honesty and pain that she could understand. She had forgiven the woman as she sat there watching Lidia stare at Lexa, hoping that Lexa would give her another chance.

“I think the question, really is Lexa, can you not do this?” Clarke finally answers.

Lexa turns to her with a questioned brow. Looking into the green eyes, Clarke can see the loss and confusion surfacing.

Lexa had never planned on seeing their family again. But now they were in their lives, actively seeking redemption that only Lexa could give them. But Clarke could see the distress there, and remembered seeing that apprehension when Lexa came looking for a second chance with her.

Lexa was scared of loss, so scared that they were willing to push away anyone to keep them from feeling that loss. And Clarke knew that was the factor that was holding them back now.

“You were scared of me too once, you know,” she says softly, pulled away from Lexa’s hot body. “You were scared that if you let me in I would reject you.”

Nodding Lexa knew it was true. There had never been a question of their feelings for Clarke in the beginning. The question was Clarke’s ability to let them be them.

“But you accepted me, Clarke,” they say, and then the first tear fell. “She rejected me. She knew where I was this whole time, and she never even tried to contact me. Twelve years of rejection Clarke.”

“And it was easier, when you thought they were clueless because maybe they had been hoping you would come back,” Clarke says, demonstrating that they are on the same page. “You can handle being the one to leave, but the fact that they knew and didn’t seek you out makes it that much worse.”

Lexa nodded, tears falling slowly. Clarke hated that Lexa was crying and in pain, but the beauty of their pain was undeniable. Because this was Lexa raw. No mask of indifference; no bottled up emotions. Lexa was completely open in this moment with her.

“What if she can’t see me for me?”

“I think she already is trying,” Clarke says gently, lifting Lexa’s eyes to hers with a slight guidance from her index finger. She looked into them, and said, “She will screw up. She will slip just like Ryder does. It was easier for us because this is how we have always known you. They didn’t understand and knew you as a girl for a majority of your life. You will have to be patient and know that they are trying.”

Lexa nodded slightly, but mainly with their eyes.

“So I just forgive her?”

Clarke shakes her head, holding Lexa still in place, “No, you give her a chance. Forgiveness doesn’t come within the moment. The pain will still be there. I mean hell I took out mine on her for my own mother just a few days ago and we have been living peacefully for months.”

Lexa looked at the blonde, taking in the words. Forgiveness didn’t come quickly, especially not after years worth of pain. But this was a second chance. A chance to add to their growing family. A chance to right many wrongs.

They had walked away years prior. They had left and never returned to try and fix things. They could have gone back and also tried to make things right. And they didn’t. They had been a legal adult for ten years, and never made an effort to even look for the parents and brother that they left. So this was their second chance as well.

*****

Bellamy had managed not to burn anything, with Raven standing over his shoulder giving instructions. The scent of bacon was thick in the air, when Clarke returned from the bedroom, leaving Lexa to finish organizing their thoughts. And shower, because Clarke has not so gracefully told them that they stink.

“Can we just do a huge pan of scrambled eggs, because there is no way we can do a bunch of different preferences,” Raven asked the group, catching Clarke’s eye.

‘Well, she’s smiling at least,’ the girl thought, taking in her mom who had put on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

“Scrambled sounds perfect,” Clarke said, moving into the kitchen and pulling out her apron. Looking at the boy-man she nudged him slightly, “Get the hell out of my kitchen, boy.”

He smiled, and nodded, but she turns back to him holding the tongs. “Don’t think I am done with you by the way.” And looked at the other two teen’s that were huddled together at the table with wide eyes, “You two either. We said no boys in bedrooms and you all broke the rules last night.”

Clarke shifted her gaze to Lidia, who smiled slightly. Taking a chance, she asked, “Did you have this problem with your kids?”

Lidia shook her head, “No.”

“You’re lucky then, because Clarke was a nightmare. Since she couldn’t pick a gender, we didn’t know who to bar from sleep overs,” Abby said with a laugh.

Clarke rolled her eyes, and with a mocking tone asks, “What happened to ‘my daughter’s not a lesbian,’ Mom?”

But Abby doesn’t get a chance to respond, before Lexa is making their way to the kitchen saying, “Mockery is not a product of strong mind, Clarke,” which earned them a dropped jaw and completely uncomposed blonde, tossing a dirty paper towel at them.

The towel didn’t even get close to them, as they had barely reached the table. They sat in the chair at the head, and looked at their mother. Not wavering from their stare, they met the woman’s eyes and took her hand. Rubbing their thumb on the delicate skin, they said, “I can’t say I forgive you yet. And you shouldn’t forgive me yet for leaving either. But I do want to try and make this work, so will you call Dad and ask him to come over for breakfast?”

They are met with a smile of relief. She softly says, “Yes, I think he would like that very much.”

Octavia bounced in her chair on folded knees. “Oh, can I call him?!”

“No, I want to be the one to call him,” Raven said, running from the kitchen and practically knocking the other girl out of the chair.

Lexa rolled their eyes, and looked at their mother. With a slight chuckle, they say, “Sometimes they act like they’re thirty, other times they’re five.”

Lidia pulls out her phone, and holds it out to the girls, who both reach for it. She pulls it back slightly, from the two grabby girls. “I will dial and put it on speaker so that you both may invite him. Sound like a good negotiation?”

The girls grunted and groaned about not being able to out do the other, but they agreed.

It two rings, for the general to answer the phone.

_“Hello?”_

Both girls smiled and let out the quick request they had briefly rehearsed, “Grampa, do you want to come to breakfast at the Trikru-Griffin house?” And everyone pauses as they are met with silence.

“ _I’m sorry, but I don't understand,”_ his voice comes through shakily. The girls look at each other and then at Lexa.

Lexa takes the phone from their mother’s hand, and says, “Hey Dad.”

“ _Lexa? How are you… This is your mother’s number.”_

“Yeah, Dad. I’m with Mom. We are making a huge breakfast and the girls want to know if you would like to join us.”

“ _Your mother? She’s…”_

“Yes, Dad. She’s here. Please come over and we can speak more.”

Raven cuts in, “Gramps, come over for breakfast, pleaaaseee.”

They hear movement on the other end of the line. “Dad?”

 _“I’ll… I’ll be right there,”_ and the line goes dead.

Lexa looks at their mother, “He doesn’t have the address. How does he know were to go?”

Lidia chuckles lightly, “Your father is a general with the United States Army. He knows how to find the house of Clarke Griffin, the famous author.”

Clarke’s eyesraise from the pan of bacon, and Lexa can see the glint in them, “He’s read my book?”

“Yes, we all have. It was quite the topic of discussion at dinner when Ryder first met you. He did not disclose who you were, just the author he wrote a speeding ticket for,” Lidia said. This made Clarke blush, but then a serious scowl crossed her face, and she shifted her gaze to Lexa.

Lexa looked to their mother, and whispered, “You had to bring up her book, didn’t you,” as Clarke turned fully around, waving the tongs at them.

“What the hell, Lexa! Your whole family read my fucking book and you don’t even know the name of it!” she yells from the kitchen.

Lexa smiled broadly, and says sweetly, “Prisa, of course I know the name of your book,” looking a the girls who are trying to mouth the name to them, but Lexa is failing at lip reading at the moment, “… it’s… the?.... the rid-“

Octavia suddenly went into a coughing fit, choking out, “risen.”

“The Risen. See I know the name,” they say again, this time moving from their seat towards the angry blonde in the kitchen whose arms are crossed across her chest, race red in irritation.

“Yeah, sure you did,” Clarke said as Lexa’s arms wrapped around her, so that she can’t move. Squatting down slightly, Lexa smiles suggestively at Clarke. Clarke tried to maintain her grumpy face, but she can’t help but break for goofy Lexa. Pushing at them slightly, Clarke tells them, “Get out of my kitchen before you set it on fire this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so do I epilogue it here, or do we proceed into the camping trip and potentially the wedding? I don't want to overload people with a never ending story.


	61. Chapter 61

Flagstaff was a four-hour drive north, and this drive up was very different than the first time Clarke and Lexa sat in the front seat of the Audi making the silent trip to Octavia’s tournament. The girls had elected to drive with Abby and Alexi in the Prius, while the boys had piled into Ryder’s truck bringing up the rear. There was constant communication between the cars with the huge group message that Octavia had made, so even though the two were alone, they kind of weren’t.

The music played on in the background, and Clarke had leaned her chair back, propped a bare foot on the dash- causing Lexa to sqweem a little in irritation- and just admired the brunette sitting beside her. She was slightly anxious about the trip, because she had her own big plans, thinking of the engagement band, which her, Raven and Octavia picked out, being carefully tucked away in the backpack with all of her clothes at the rear of the car.

“So, the question of the day is, how do I keep those boys out of my girls room?” Lexa asks, playfully casting a glance over at the staring blonde.

“The question is why do you keep trying? They’re just going to do what they want to do anyways,” she answers with a huge grin, knowing this will do nothing but rile Lexa up some. She watched as Lexa shifted uncomfortably in their seat, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

‘Success is mine,’ she giggled to herself.

“Clarke how can you be so casual about them having sex?” Lexa asked irritably.

Clarke thinks about it for a minute. Why did the girls potentially having sex not bother her?

After a moment of contemplation, she answered, “Because I resigned a long time ago to the idea of O and Lincoln doing it. And I did try to jump Raven-“

Holding up a hand, Lexa stopped her with a grimace. “Don’t remind me.”

Clarke smiled again, knowing how to push Lexa’s buttons. She wanted Lexa riled, so they would go all Commander on her. It had been weeks since Lexa had truly dominated her, and she was missing the fire in her partner.

“I guess I just feel that they are both very experienced and have come a really long way from having sex just to do it. I feel like they are both in a position that when they choose to do it, it will be for the right reasons and if you keep going crazy on them, then they will not talk with us about the hard things because they don't want to anger or disappoint you. We can’t make them having sex shameful. I mean no I don’t want to hear it; I don’t really want to hear about it either. But I do want to know if they have questions; if they’re being safe,” Clarke explained, sitting up a little.

Lexa chews on their lip for a moment, and then says, “So you don’t worry about them getting pregnant?”

The question makes Clarke laugh, ”Of course, I don’t want them pregnant. I want them to go to college and start a life before babies come into the picture, but Lex, that's not even what we did. We made a family first and then considered marriage.”

Lexa is back to chewing on their lip and casting side-glances at Clarke. The look was something new and Clarke could tell that she was missing something. That Lexa was holding out on something.

“Lexa?” she said, her eyes hardening as she watched them shift uncomfortably again. “What are you not telling me?”

Lexa looked over at her, and Clarke can hear the deep inhale and heavy exhale.

“Lexa Trikru, you spill it now.”

*****

Lexa could taste the ting of coppery blood, from biting their lip to hard. Clarke had used their first and last name, which meant that she was getting pissed. But how were they suppose to tell Clarke that they had to get married this summer, in order to finish the adoption paperwork.

“So, Clarke…” they started but stopped, returning to biting in the same, now sore and inflamed, spot.

“What did you do?” the accusation came out.

Lexa looked over at the woman that was now up right, twisted in her seat, glaring at them.

“I didn’t do anything, Clarke,” which wasn’t exactly lie, it just wasn’t exactly the truth either.

“Now, Lexa, or so help me…” though she didn’t finish the sentence.

The voice inside fo her qwivered as it said, ‘Just tell her, Lexa.’

Without a breath, they say, “inordertoadoptoandravenwehavetobemarried.”

“What? Those weren’t words, Lex,” Clarke growled.

They breathed in again, and tried again more slowly, looking at the blonde as they annunciated properly this time.

“In order to adopt O, you and I have to already be married. And Raven’s case would be difficult without the marriage license as well.”

Lexa looked at the road and then back at the blonde, who had turned forward, absorbing the information.

It was several minutes before Clarke spoke.

“Raven is expecting to be adopted before the school year starts, Lexa. How could you have kept this from me? That leaves us less than a month to put together a whole wedding or let down our eldest daughter. What am I suppose to say to that?” and Lexa’s chest lurched a little seeing almost a sense of betrayal cross the woman’s face.

“We’re going on vacation for five weeks, and now I have to plan a wedding. Lexa, planning a wedding is stressful, and I only want to get married once. So basically my dream wedding is like out the window, because you couldn’t bother to tell me this information, I don’t know before you busted out the paperwork that you handed to our girls?”

Lexa saw Clarke look over at her, and her eyes flashed as though someone had just turned on a light, “You already filled out that paperwork, which means you already said we were married. How could you do that? You didn’t even ask me yet, Lexa!”

They drove silently, as Clarke continued to rant at them, for not shedding light on this information, and the only hope that they had was that Clarke spoke of all they would need to do to get married in that time frame, and not that they would have to postpone the adoption and break the older girl’s heart.

“I can’t believe you,” she hissed.

When there were several moments of silence, the fully deflated Lexa spoke, “I messed up, Clarke. I didn’t think that Raven would be going back to school in the fall. I thought we had more time. And then when everything happened, I just…” they took a breath, “…just wanted to still give you a decent proposal.”

*****

To say Clarke was angry was an understatement. Clarke wanted nothing more than to be out of the car so that she could scream. Like really scream. Top of her lungs, until they burned, scream.

She didn’t have a dress, which took months to make. She should know, since she had hers from her engagement with Finn tucked away in Abby’s closet, unsure of what to do with it. They would have to book a venue that fill up quickly. Invitations, catering, finding a photographer. This was a fucking mess, and Lexa hadn’t bothered to even give her a heads up.

“When the fuck were you even going to tell me, Lexa?” she spit out, unable to control her emotions.

“I was just waiting for the right time,” she hears them say.

“The right time? When the fuck is the right time? Because now I have a month, maybe less. And you drop this on me. Did you not even consider what kind of wedding I wanted?”

Lexa cries at this, and Clarke wants to feel bad but the anger pulsing through her, makes it to difficult and she is succumbing to the darkness. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Clarke,” Lexa cries out. “I wanted to marry you so badly. And I wanted our girls to feel safe and secure. And I just… just didn’t realize how big the whole wedding thing was to you. I never considered…”

“No you didn’t consider my feelings in this as at all. And that fucking blows!” the blonde ranted.

“Clarke, I will do whatever it takes to give you the wedding of your dreams in a month. I know I can make it happen. Just please, please don’t yell at me anymore. I am so sorry. I can make it right. Just tell me what you want,” they begged. And this brought Clarke down to her own tears.

‘What the fuck? How do I plan a fucking wedding in a month.’

“Please babe, just tell me what you want. I will make it happen,” they say again, and they are looking at Clarke more than the road.

“Just watch the fucking road, Lexa, or none of us will be having a wedding or getting adopted because you crashed the fucking car,” she said with less volume but still so much anger.

*****

She was so angry, and there was nothing that they could do to stop the blonde’s rage. Lexa hadn’t considered what it meant to plan a wedding because they had never been to a wedding. They had just thought it would be simple to walk into the courthouse and sign the papers, say I do, and go back to their life together.

There was never even the inkling of an idea that Clarke would want a big wedding, with all the trims and ugly dresses that they had seen in movies and television shows. This bothered Lexa because with knowing Clarke and her inability to do anything half-ass, this should have been a no brainer, and Lexa had failed.

“Anything you want, baby. I’ll make it happen,” they say, focusing on the road after Clarke had yelled at them.

“I can’t have anything I want because you are making me plan a fucking wedding in a month!” she threw back, and the sadness began to leave them. Because they were doing the best they could given everything that had happened.

Clarke was still ranting about being “fucking selfish,” and “just inconsiderate.” But their blood was now boiling and they couldn’t stop the words that flooded from their mouth.

“Well I guess this will just make a great fucking plot twist for your online readers. I can look more like a douche. Evil queen fucks up Swan’s happily ever after bridge moment.”

And then there was silence.

They sit, with the music quietly playing in the background. Neither sure what to say. Three or four, maybe five songs pass, before Lexa hears James Blunt singing a soft melody.

_“Oooohhhoooooo, oooooohhhhhoooooo, oooooooohhoooooo_

_I’m not calling for a second chance_

_I’m screaming at he top of my voice_

_Give me reason, but don't give me choice_

_Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again._

_Oooohhhoooooo, oooooohhhhhoooooo, oooooooohhoooooo_

_And maybe someday we will meet_

_And maybe talk and not just speak._

_Don't buy the promises I make_

_Cause there are no promises I keep._

_And my reflection troubles me._

_So here I go”_

They feel the bass vibrating from the floorboard, and when the chorus returns they sing softly, unable to shake the fact that they would do it all again, to make their girls happy. To have Clarke run into their arms, saying yes and sending them tumbling to the ground. They would neglect to tell her that they had to get married soon.

And so they sang the chorus to her, hoping that she would understand.

_“Oohhooo, ooohhhhhooo, ooohhoooooo_

_I’m not calling for a second chance_

_I’m screaming at he top of my voice_

_Give me reason, but don't give me choice_

_Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.”_

*****

Clarke listened to Lexa sing the words to the song that fit them so well, it pissed her off more. When the song was finished, she grabbed the phone from Lexa’s cup holder and scrolled through the music, looking for a song that could express her own feelings, since this seemed to a preferred method of communication for them.

But she couldn’t find one. What she found was that Lexa’s playlist consisted of either incredibly depressing break up songs, or love songs. And neither of those fit the moment, for her.

Not finding what she wanted she tossed the phone back over to Lexa, who shot an angry look of their own at her. Which she answered with a rough exhale and “hmph.”

Watching out of the corner of her eye, she watched as Lexa picked up the phone, and chose the next song, which at first she didn’t recognize, but then it came to her, and she was easily able to predict the words to come.

Lexa sang along, louder than the speakers, and Clarke knew that they were singing to her. But she was pissed and fought the urge to be immature and flip them off.

*****

_“When I look into your eyes,_

_it’s like watching the nights sky,_

_all the beauty before sunrise._

_There’s so much they hold._

_Just like them old stars_

_I see that you have come so far…”_

 

They knew Clarke was listening, so they sang louder trying to give her the message of apology for their outburst, and reinforce that they loved her.

 

_“Well I wont give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I’m giving you all my love_

_I’m still looking up”_

 

Clarke had turned to watch them, just as the verse came that Lexa would have to sing faster to keep up, but they did it, matching every word that fit this moment too perfectly to ignore.

_“I don't wanna be the one who walks away so easily._

_I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make._

_Our differences do a lot to try and teach us how to use the tools in case we got here._

_We got a lot at stake._

_And in the end you’re still my friend_

_at least we did intend for us to work,_

_we didn’t break, we didn't burn,_

_we had to learn how to bend without the world caving in._

_I had to learn what I got and what I’m not_

_And who I ammmmmmmm.”_

 

*****

Clarke couldn’t help but turn to look at Lexa as they sang to her. Words that hit her. This wasn’t about her. It wasn’t Lexa trying to make her give up her dream wedding. This was about securing a life for their family.

It was about learning to be a partner and not the boss.

Something that Clarke’s only child way of thinking, caused her so much trouble understanding.

She was mad because Lexa made her have to sacrifice something she told herself she always wanted. But in the bigger picture of things, the one day in a white dress was nothing compared to Raven getting to go back to school with their names on the enrollment paperwork. Nothing to Octavia’s smile when she has three last names. Nothing compared to standing next to Lexa and saying ‘I do’.

And it hits her, that it wasn’t just her anymore. She had Lexa to be there with her and make big decisions with her. But they both had been making big decisions without one another, and it needed to change.

This was their chance to change.

 

*****

Lexa is looking for another song, to sing to Clarke, when Clarke stops them with a hand on theirs. The track changes to Shania Twain’s “I’m holdin’ on to love (to save my life)”

Clarke gave half a laugh as the song began to play. “I think this one fits,” she said softly.

Lexa looks over at her, and starts, “Clarke, I’m so-“

“No. You’re right. I was being selfish and a complete dick. I was out of line for everything I just said. I have a hard time thinking about others. I tend to always put my own wants and desires first,” she states.

“Clarke, you are one of the most kind people I know. You are continuously opening your home to people that need you,” Lexa says, moving their hand to intertwine with Clarke’s.

It was Clarke’s turn to cry. And she tried to speak while she cried, but it was a jumbled mess.

“I just…” she started, “I don’t do it for them… I’m selfish… scared of being alone.” And she choked a little on the snot in her throat that she was trying so hard to suck back in.

“I don’t have anyone once Mom’s gone… just me,” she continues. Then adds, “why… O… I wanted… needed a family… so lonely… scared,” she hiccupped and sobbed at the same, making it sound like she was choking.

“Clarke, baby, slow down. Take a breath,” they say, moving their hand to rub Clarke’s back in gentle circles.

“Lexa… I am so selfish… Im soooo sorry,” she cries. “I shouldn’t have ever written that story… I took it down.”

Lexa saw the off ramp, for gas and McDonalds, and took it without hesitation. Grabbing the phone that was back the cup holder, they sent a quick text to the group saying, “food and pee. Give me and your mom a minute.”

Lexa was grateful that no one responded, and instead they all flooded from the cars into McDonalds. Lexa could see Clarke watch them, running her hand under nose, that she then wiped on the thigh of her jeans. Lexa slightly wanted to gag, but they could discuss Clarke’s unhygienic disposal of mucus later.

Taking the non-contaminated hand, Lexa pulled at it to get Clarke’s attention on them. When the pink and blue eyes turned to look at them, they began to speak.

“Clarke, we are all selfish to an extent. We all do things for ourselves. And if you think about it, if you hadn’t wanted O for you, then she would be in another home without anyone really caring about her. Because you want her and care for her, you are the perfect parent for her,” they say, then add, “even if you are okay with her having sex.”

This pulls a laugh from the scrunched up, red-faced blonde. They move a hand to cup her cheek, “Prisa, I am sorry for not thinking that you would want a huge ceremony. It never even crossed my mind.”

Clarke shook her head, “Lexa, I don’t need a big ceremony. I just need you by my side for the rest of my life. We can do this now, if you would like. It will be one hell of a story for our future kids and grandkids.”

Smiling Lexa, “So you want to have future kids with me for sure.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you told your mom that I was going to carry your children,” Clarke laughed, as she spoke.

Lexa bit their lip and looked down a little, “Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t want to assume, but I know that I don't really want to carry a child. And…”

“No, baby, I want to carry a child for us. I want to carry your child. And if that doesn’t work, we are well versed in the adoption process. After all we are getting a bigger house some time soon, that has a split floor plan, so we are FAR, far away from the girls and any other children we have,” Clarke says, her arms waving around the car.

It was Lexa’s turn to laugh, but internally their heart was dancing, ‘Clarke’s going to be so beautiful pregnant.’ And then, ‘I wonder how long I have to wait for that.’ Not wanting to press their luck since, after all they now had a month to get married, they decided they would hold on that conversation or the time being.

“Are we good?” Clarke asked, with hopeful tear dried eyes.

“Yes, Prisa, we’re good,” Lexa says and presses a gentle kiss to their lips. But pulls away, when they realize that Clarke’s snot was now on their face.

“You got mocos on me, Prisa! Eso es tan asqueroso,” they say trying to find a napkin from in the glove box. They look at her in sheer panic, when there is no napkin to be found.

Clarke laughed, and pulled Lexa’s face closer to her, using her shirt to wipe at Lexa’s upper lip. When Lexa pulled back, they looked at the blonde, knowing that now she had snot on her shirt and jeans. They hastily throw off their seat belt, thrust open the door, and move to the back of the SUV.

Clarke looks back, as she realizes where Lexa is going. Panicked she to pulls her seat belt off of her, and moves as fast as she can to the back of the car.

Lexa is already there. Their hands are in her backpack, pulling out new jeans and a shirt, as they say, “Clarke, you cannot just wipe snot all over your clothes. Its unsani-“ At the same time Clarke is saying, “I can get it, Lex-“

But the small box fell from the backpack and tumbles to the ground, popping open as it bounces. Lexa looked down, just as Clarke makes it to the back of the car, seeing Lexa bending down and picking up the box, they look up at the blonde’s tear stained face and the kids approaching behind her. She shifted awkwardly, but took the two more steps to close the distance.

“You were supposed to get the grand proposal, but I guess this is going to have to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dearest Readers,
> 
> So after much feedback to "please continue," I have decided that I still have much to tell and there are many issues that are still to face these characters, that at this point are so OOC that I'm not sure what to do but just run with it. However, in order to continue this story, I will have to change my updating schedule. For those of you that don't know I am a full-time high school teacher and I teach two college courses in the evening as well. I am also working on my PhD. Because school is starting back up next week for me, well technically prep time for two week then my kids come back, I will no longer be able to update every day. I will move to a weekly update schedule and I cannot promise longer chapters, nor what day I will post. I am sorry that I have spoiled you all for three months, with mostly daily updates, but this is the only way I can continue to work on this story and still maintain my responsibilities to my fiancé, my brother-son, and my work. Hope you enjoyed this one. I had to come to a lot of my own personal self-understandings to get this out.  
> Best wishes,  
> Lux


	62. Chapter 62

Clarke tried to breath, but her lungs wouldn’t inflate. She had planned on making the proposal lasting by carving it into a tree along their hiking path, for the two to come to. She would drop down on her knee and pull out the emerald and diamond studded band with intricate antiquing along the edges, telling Lexa all of the reasons that she couldn’t live without them.

But that ain’t gonna happen now, because Lexa was holding their ring.

Lexa was standing in the parking lot of a McDonalds holding the box, and taking in the ring. And all of the reasons that Clarke loved Lexa fled her mind, and she stood there, dumb founded and sweating in the sweltering summer sun.

Just minutes ago, they had been yelling at each other. And now… well now, Clarke had to pull her shit together. Because this situation was already screwed, and the idealized romantic moment was ruined. So now, she stood before Lexa in snot covered clothes, trying to explain.

“You were supposed to get a grand proposal, but this going to have to do.”

She swallowed, as the emerald irises met and held hers. And just like that Clarke was lost in Lexa’s bright eyes that the sun was playing magical twinkling tricks that took away Clarke’s ability to speak.

Clarke tried to speak again just only opened her mouth, for nothing to come out. She heard more footsteps behind and realized that they had gathered quite the crowd.

‘Fucking eh’, Clarke. Get your shit together.’

Her heart pounded erratically as she began to berate herself internally. Wishing that she could have just said ‘okay, babe,’ or ‘no problem, Lex,’ instead of crying like a Dumbledor just died because of a fucking dress. Then she would have had a few days and would have been prepared.

‘No, instead you’re going to ask Lexa to marry you with boogers on your clothes, and your eye liner running down you fucking face, you idoit.’

*****

The girls stood awkwardly a few feet away from their parents, watching and waiting. The problem was nothing was happening. It was like Clarke went into a panic mode that cut off her ability to communicate.

“What is she doing?” Octavia asked Raven. She shift uncomfortably from foot to foot, the sun heating up her hair and making sweat trickle down her back. “She was suppose to wait-“

A hand waving in her face, cuts her off.

“Shhh,” Raven hissed, but took a side glance over at the younger girl to see her pursing her lips and scrunchingher eyebrows. Whispering, she told the other girl, “I don’t think she meant for this to happen, but its happening. She just needs to say something.”

Raven pulled the phone from her pocket and began to record the awkward interaction between her two parents. Staring at the phone instead of the two people in front of her, she smiled broadly as she felt her family becoming one around her.

‘Family,’ the word bounces around her head. A term she never though was really possible in the sense of her having parents. She had expected to have kids at some point, but never parents.

“This is going to be the best Clexa footage ever,” Raven stated quietly, still waiting for Clarke to say something.

Octavia looked over momentarily at her sister, whispering, “You did not just ship our parents.”

A snorted breath released from her lungs as she realized, ‘Yes. Yes, I did.’

Looking over at the girl, she answered, “Yes, my young padiwan. I most certainly will ship hashtag-clexa for life.” This statement did nothing but earn her an aggressive eye roll from the younger girl, but her attention was shifted when Clarke finally managed to formulate words.

Zooming in, Raven took a quiet step over, so that she could capture Clarke’s face during her proclamation of love.

*****

‘Just breath,’ she told herself.

Two more steps forward, and Clarke reached Lexa, placing her hands over theirs. She wished her hands were not trembling but the more she tried to control it the more they shook. Running her fingers along the soft slim fingers, Clarke retained her eye contact with Lexa. There is unmistakable joy and confusion in the depths of Lexa’s eyes, and Clarke wished that there was a way to capture how Lexa’s soul was always reflecting in there, as the little flecks of blue shined from the deep jade and emerald that radiated from their pupil. Clarke found herself admiring Lexa as an artist rather than focusing on the task at hand.

Luckily the voice in her head called her back to focus, ‘Now, Clarke. Speak now.’

She tried to speak again, but her voice cracks as she begins, “Lexa… I…” Biting her lips, she tried to get her head and heart to communicate.

‘Damn it, Clarke. They already proposed. Just tell them you love them and want to be with them forever.’As she yells at herself, Lexa looks down at the ring. 

Without the eye contact, Clarke finds it easier to let the words fall from her lips, rather than get lost in the unspoken story of Lexa.

“Lexa Trikru,” she begins again. “You are the one of the most important people in my life. I want to spend the rest of my time on this earth by your side.” Rubbing her thumb in a circle on the outside of Lexa’s, she admits, “I know that today was not the ideal day to demonstrate how much I love you. I am selfish and inconsiderate. I am not the cleanest person. I am not the person that always keeps my cool. But what I am is deeply, undeniably head over heels, in love with everything that is you.”

She wanted to continue, but Lexa had returned their gaze to her, and once again Clarke found herself unable to breathe, let alone speak.

Her gaze dances from Lexa’s eyes, down to their lips. She could tell that they were about to speak, so she gently moves her right hand up and held up a finger to Lexa’s perfect pink lips, begging them for just a few more moments. Lexa nodded slightly, and she moved her hand back to Lexa’s taking the box from them and pulling out the ring. Dropping slowly as to not bust a kneecap on the hot asphalt, she knelt before Lexa. Looking up at the beautiful brunette, she found herself ready to continue without any further hesitation.

“While I know that you have already asked me to marry you, I wanted there to be no question in my equal desire to commit myself to you, our current family, and all of our future family additions. You are it for me, Lexi. So, with this ring, I ask you as you in turn: will you marry me?”

Lexa stood still just staring at her, and a lump crawled into her throat. Maybe she shouldn’t have stopped them from speaking. Maybe she was being to controlling again, when all she wanted to do was to submit herself to Lexa.

But she stayed still, engulfed in nothing but the sounds of people and cars moving through the busy McDonald’s parking lot.

*****

“Did they just say future additions? Like more kids?” Octavia hissed at Raven, who just smirked and nodded.

Octavia folded her arms across her chest, and contemplated what that would mean. Babies had never been a new conversation, as Abby was always insisting that Clarke make a new family, and she knew that her parents had promised she would always be their kid, but it didn’t stop her hormones from coating her blood in a light green ting. 

She had confronted them about this when she first gave them consistent to begin dating; however, thee the idea of babies had been like a little insecurity that was suddenly becoming more so. There had been jokes about Clarke and Lexa having babies, but Octavia felt her stomach tighten slightly as it was being repeated.

She swallowed, trying to beat away the insecurity. Thinking that Raven was a new Clexa baby. ‘Clexa? Really, dude stop it.’

But she justified that Raven had been different, because she was older. Octavia had embraced having the older protective sister. She knew how to be the younger sister after a lifetime of practice with Bellamy, and with Raven the only thing that was different was now conversations included discussion of sex, make up and clothes. But babies would make her an older sister.

Babies would mean she wasn’t the baby any longer.

And honestly, Octavia didn’t know how she felt about that.

‘Clexa babies… like little clones of stoic Lexa and rambunctious Clarke.’ She wasn’t either of those things and she began to twisted scenarios of becoming an outsider in this family.

The uncertainty made her stomach turn again, and she wondered if it was possible for the human stomach to twist itself in a circle, cutting off blood flow to the region.

‘Am I a Clexa baby?’ and the question began to haunt her in a way that she had only known in the years that Abby had dismissed her as just a temporary filler kid.

*****

Lexa just wanted to say yes, and press their lips to the obviously panic-stricken woman before them. But Clarke had asked them to hold it just a moment longer. So they stood still, and waited. Stood still and tried to focus on her moving lips. But honestly they were failing to really hear anything from the blonde, because internally, they were screaming.

‘Yes,’ as the blonde said, “…future family additions.”

Another ‘yes’ went with “You are it for me…”

‘Yes.’ More words.

‘Yes.’ Seriously she is still talking.

‘Yes.’ How much more could she really be saying?

‘Why can’t she stop talking so I can say yes?’

So focused on saying yes, Lexa missed the actual proposal, and was still staring at Clarke. They watched as the woman shifted her weight uncomfortably on the harsh pavement. The movement caused Lexa to come to their senses, but not their words, so they nodded in true Trikru style with eyes threatening to over flow.

Clarke slipped the ring on the left hand that she still held, but was quickly pulled to her feet by the brunette that wrapped their arms around her.

They buried their face into blonde curls, but held her away from them still very aware of the state that Clarke’s clothes were in.

“Yes, Prisa,” they say in elation. And then crash their lips against the blonde’s not even caring that her mouth had still yet to be sanitized, because she had just proposed. Something they had not expected, and it had been amazing. Because Clarke asked them to marry her. She asked them to make a bigger family with her.

‘She wants to marry me and have my babies and she bought me a ring. And holy shit we’re getting married in a less than a month,’ and they considered that just a few months ago, they had stood in the little apartment telling themselves that this would never be possible. Because they truly believed that the blonde before them would never accept them for who they were.

And they kissed her, messy face and all because sometimes Clarke was a little messy. Sometimes Clarke was a lot of messy. But its okay because Lexa loved Clarke for who she was, even if she still needed to wash her face.

*****

The kiss was rough, but Clarke loved every moment. Her lips took the immediate force, and gave nothing but returned roughness as the it went from just a press to a hand on the back of her head pulling her in.

They were, of course, interrupted by Raven’s hooting and cheering, and Octavia’s gagging. Clarke wondered if she inherited that straight from Bellamy. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the girls standing just a few yards back, with their boys close behind them. Face flushed, she turned back to see Lexa also looking at their children, with nothing but love in their eyes as though patting themself on the back saying, ‘Yeah, this is my family.’

Pulling Lexa’s attention back to her, she said.“I love you, Lexa Tirkru. And I can’t wait to be your wife within the month.”

She moved to bury her face into Lexa’s chest, but her partner held her back slightly so that Clarke was unable to press the front of her body to them.

Looking in confusion up at her partner, she sees a slight smirk rise on their face, playing at just the corners of their lips. Casting a glance down at Clarke’s clothes, and then back at the woman’s face. Clarke knows what is coming, so she prepares a snarky retort.

They say carefully, “I can’t wait to marry you, Clarke, but you are still covered in mocos, and just…” They cut off with a minor grimace that draws an exasperated sign from the blonde.

“Seriously, Lexa! You will put your tongue on my a-“ but a hand quickly covers her mouth, and more gagging comes from the group of young adults behind them, followed by extreme laugher.

If possible, Clarke feels her face get even more flushed, remembering that their extended family is also here, though she is unsure of where at that moment. This realization causes her to glance around, though Lexa still has her mouth cover.

Casting a glance to the side, she sees Ryder standing by, holding his hands over his daughter’s ears. Alexi was busy trying to wiggle out of her father’s grasp, but he was holding her very effectively in place. Clarke is unable to speak so she just tried to convey sincere apologies through her gaze, to which Ryder nods with slightly wide eyes, and releases his seven year old.

Leaning in close so that no one else can hear, Lexa whispers to the woman, “Clarke, I will put my tongue many places but our family needs not know about it.” The whisper is not sweet and gentle; it's said in the same tone that Commander Lexa uses when they tell her to bend over at the edge of the bed and punish her for misbehaving.

Shivers rush through her core and up her chest. She looks into the eyes that have pulled back away from her ear, as the heat pools between her legs thinking about all of the wonderful places that Lexa has run their tongue. Lexa removes their hand from the blonde’s mouth with a subtle smile plastered to their face.

Clarke stands still as though this is the bedroom and she is not to move without permission, and watches as they move back the back of the SUV and grabs the clothes they removed from the blonde’s backpack. Holding the clothes in one hand, they extend their other to her palm up, signaling her to take it and follow them.

“Now, let’s get you changed so we can get up to the house and celebrate,” and Clarke does not miss the lust prominently displayed in Lexa’s eyes.

She moves to take their hand, when Alexi stops in front of her, pulling her gaze from Lexa. Looking down at the smiling little girl, she says, “What’s up, honey?”

Alexi’s smile shows the two gummed gaps in the front of her mouth, signifying her gradual movement from the innocence of childhood. The little girl says in a half whisper, “Auntie Clarke, can I be your flower girl? I have never been in a wedding.”

Clarke was so shocked at the girl’s request, because she hadn’t really thought about the actual wedding yet. Looking down at the girl, she squatted to be eye level, and brushed a brown strand of hair that was wrapped over her forehead to behind her ear.

“Alexi, I would be honored if you would be the flower girl in our wedding. Thank you so much,” and she wraps the little girl in a hug, which is returned by the slim arms around her neck.

*****

Ryder watched as Clarke and Lexa embrace each other and fall straight back into a easy cadence of wit and mockery, and he wonders how Lexa managed to get so lucky. He thinks of his short-lived marriage, which lasted only long enough to survive the adoption process. But as the days got harder when three of his fellow officers were gunned down on the streets that he and his family lived, his resolve for his professor was tested and his cynicism grew.

The pressure becoming too much for his young wife, as he dealt with his own depression, she left without a word one Wednesday. Coming home with their one year old to a house empty of all of his wife’s belongs had been just as hard as watching Lexa leave years prior.

The experience changed him, thought. Ryder was forced into the role of being a full-time single parent. However, this pulled him from his self-wallow and gave him new focus.

Looking at the happiness Lexa shared with Clarke and their girls, made him crave his own next level of happiness. It had been six years of bachelor fatherhood, but he wanted what they had. And he envied Lexa’s happily ever after and wondered how long he would have to wait for his.

During Ryder’s daydream, his baby had successfully pulled away from him, and made her way to Clarke to ask to be in the wedding.

He watched the sincerity that the blonde embraced his young daughter, and wished momentarily that he had been the Trikru to steal her heart. Wondering if he would have been capable of pulling her from her sadness over her break up. Wondered if he was capable of whooing Clarke as well as his younger sibling.

‘Get your head away from there,’ he chastised himself, knowing that thoughts like that were nothing but trouble. ‘You will find your own Clarke Griffin some day.’

Turning back he watched his Lexa look-a-like run to join the girls that she admired so much.

Smiling, as he as the gentile giant of a boy picked the girl up and put her on his shoulders as they spoke freely of the proposal. He heard the girl celebrating with her cousins and possibly their future husbands, “Auntie Clarke is going to let me be a flower girl!”

Her excitement was unabridged, and within himself he vowed to find himself someone that would complete their family the way that Clarke and Lexa did. And he would start by getting love advice from his younger sibling that clearly knew what they were doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my favorite chapter. Sorry if you are like, "seriously?! I wasted my time on that."


	63. Chapter 63

The family had arrived at the five-bedroom cabin three days ago. The evening of the arrival was filled with unpacking the cars, a battle over sleeping arrangements, and a celebratory dinner. Overall the place was a huge two-story house, with two enormous decks that connected all of the rooms and over looked the lake. Clarke and Lexa had claimed the master bedroom; the boys the room with the bunk beds. Abby grabbed a room with a king bed, with the statement that when the Trikru’s arrived she would “shack up with the girls,” because Raven and Octavia had earned the room with two queen beds, after a brutal throw down with the boys. Ryder chose the smaller room with a single queen for himself and Alexi, but the little girl had other plans making her way into the girl’s room and curling into Octavia’s bed, once the teen’s breath was evened out and oblivious to the extra body in her bed.

Octavia didn’t know it but the little girl worshiped the ground she walked on, picking out clothes that would match what the older girl was wearing, usually to be forced to change by her father who shook his head in exasperation. She followed Octavia around like a puppy; hoping for the girl to notice her and talk to her about big girl things. She had always wanted a big sister that liked things like dresses and makeup, and Alexi found that in Octavia.

It was morning, when Alexi sat by on a stump and watched the older girl attach a long rope to a tree that had a large yellow baseball looking thing at the end. The action interested Alexi because she had always watched baseball with her father but he was too busy to teach her how to play.  

“Why is the ball yellow? Isn’t it suppose to be white?” the girl asked from her spot, trying to stay out the way since Octavia had already yelled at her twice today, Once for elbowing her in the face awake, when she had a bad dream that morning, and the second time being in the way during breakfast.

Octavia answered without even looking up, “It's a softball, not a baseball.” That was it. The little girl didn’t know what softball was, but when she saw Octavia pick up the bat, she figured it was something like baseball.

She watched carefully as Octavia swung and hit the ball with a _Ping!_ The ball flew through the air and then bounced back when the rope got tight. She watched as Octavia hit the ball again and again, each time with grace and power.

After each hit, Alexi tried to find the courage to ask Octavia if she could try, but faltered when the girl didn’t even cast her a glance even though she cheered for her. Finally, Octavai grew tried of the repeated drill and left her bat on the side of the tree. Leaving the girl on the stump without so much as a second glance back. Without the older one nearby, Alexi moved and picked up the bat. It was heavier than Octavia made it look, but she tried to mimic the stance that she had watched over and over again.  Once ready, she looked at the ball and swung with all the strength in her little arms, but she missed and released the bat. The bat flew from her hands directly into the lake, just in time for Octavia to see her as she was coming back from the house.

“What the hell did you do?” she yelled at the girl, who at first was just shocked and now was crying.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to try and be like y-“ but the child couldn’t finish her statement because Octavia was too busy yelling as she made her way into the lake in search of the bat.

“Why do you always have to be messing with my things? Didn’t even ever teach you not to touch other people’s stuff? That bat cost 150 bucks, and it wasn’t yours to touch.”

Alexi didn’t wait to see if Octavia found the bat as she barreled her way back towards the house, knocking into Lexa. She landed on her backside, and was quickly pulled up by Lexa.

“What’s wrong, Alexi?” they asked her, wiping the tears from her cheeks with their thumbs.

“I… I…. it was an accident… the bat… water,” the girl choked out as her sobs increased and she choked on the words trying to come out. Lexa was trying to make sense of it, and looked behind the little girl to see Octavia wading through the water, letting out a string of curse words.

Clarke was by their side in a few moment and pulled the girl up into an embrace, whispering, “it’s okay, honey,” and like phrases trying to calm the girl. Turning from them, the blonde took the girl into the house, as Lexa continue to watch the brunette in the water.

*****

Octavia stood in the water, kicking her feet around, trying to find the bat that Clarke had just gotten her. It was a special attention with a long barrel that increased the size of the sweet spot. She had barely had it for two weeks and now that little kid threw it in the lake.

“You didn’t have to yell at her,” she hears Lexa’s voice call from the shore behind her, but she didn’t bother to turn around. All they were going to do was yell at her. That was all they had done for the past month, since the first time Lincoln was caught in her room, was yell at her; unless it was a family conversation. And right now, Octavia wasn’t having it.

“She threw my bat into the lake, she deserved to get yelled at,” she yells back.

‘This is hopeless. I am never going to find it,’ she tells herself, but doesn’t stop trying.

Lexa is still standing on the shore, frustration spreading through their being at the insensitivity of their younger daughter.

“She’s just a kid, O. Wants to be just like you and you won’t even give her the time of day,” they respond back, wondering if this would have any impact on the girl.

What they didn’t expect was for Octavia turning to face them with a face of shear defeat. She didn’t say anything, just began walking from the lake without her bat and made her way to the house.

‘I’m just a kid and you yell at me all the fucking time,’ she thinks, throwing and angry glance at Lexa, but returning her gaze to her feet that were exiting the water.

Lexa gripped her arm to stop her, and Octavia tried to brush off the touch, but Lexa was too strong for that.

“You owe your cousin an apology,” they say sternly.

Looking up at her parent, she growls back, “She owes me an apology for throwing my new bat in the fucking lake.”

Lexa shakes their head, “What is your deal, Octavia? Why are you so pissed, we’ll get you a new bat.” They wanted to understand why the girl was so angry, because the look of anger was not just for a bat that she knew her mother would replace. The look was directed towards them.

Pulling her arm out of Lexa’s hand, she spit back, “You’re my deal. You’re always pissed at me, yelling at me. And now you’re telling me not to be just like you. You love that Raven is just like you, but its like I don’t even exist.”

*****

Lexa stood there dumb struck not sure what to say. They had definitely not seen that coming, running over the past few weeks, they thought about the minimal interactions they had had with the girl. Trying to find a conversation that was not a lecture, but they couldn’t.

Octavia waited a few moments to see what Lexa would say, but when they made no effort to speak again, she just shook her head, cast her eyes back down to the shore and stomped her way to the house. They watched her every step of the way.

‘Have I really done nothing but yell at her?’

Once the door slams behind her, they look back at the water. Rerunning every interaction with the girl. They didn’t have much but fitness in common, because the girl was without a doubt her mother’s daughter. But Octavia had made and effort to spend time with Lexa. She had begged to go tot the gym, but that was when Lexa was hurting and didn’t want the girl to see so they refused. After that day though, she had stopped trying and Lexa figured that she had lost interest.

Lost in thought they didn’t hear Clarke approaching them. They jumped slightly when she wrapped her arms around their middle, but the woman just laughed slightly.

“She apologized to Alexi for being angry and then went up to her room. She is in there now,” Clarke explained.

Lexa took a deep breath, and then asked, “Do all I do is yell at her?”

They can feel Clarke take a deep breath, so they don’t turn around in her arms because they know that she is going to tell them something they don’t want to hear.

“You favor Raven to O. Its obvious, and it hurts her,” Clarke says not releasing her grip around them.

Lexa considers this. They didn’t favor one over the other. They were both their daughters. Raven just made more sensible decisions. They didn’t have to fight over clothes or boys in her room, which just made things easier.

Clarke continues when they don’t say anything, “Lex, you are a great parent and you care a lot, but you are harder on O because she is not like you. She is not going to wear the clothes you want her too, and Raven wears them to please you. She can say she likes them more all she wants but deep down that girl has been trying to please you since that first day you wanted me to kick her out of the house. O has never had to please, but you don’t see how hard she tries. She really listens to you, and even though she doesn’t always listen to you fully, that girl loves you and wants to be your kid. But she feels like your step-kid.”

Lexa turns this time, looking the blonde over. “How do you know all of this?” they ask.

Clarke meets their eyes, and answers, “She talks to me, Lex. I’m her mom and when she is hurting she comes and talks to me.”

“Why hasn’t she said anything to me then, huh?” and then with a harsher look at the blonde, they spit out, “and why haven’t you?”

Clarke sucked in both her lips and sucked in. Biting down, she considered how to proceed. After a moment, she said, “Because she asked me not to. She doesn’t want you to force being nice to her. She wants you to see her for who she is. But right now all you see is a problem.” They watch as the blonde pauses for a moment, and she looks to their chest before the remainder of what she has to say falls out of her mouth, “But really Lex, she is a good kid. A really good kid and you need to start treating her as such, or she may not be a good kid for you. Because that girl does have a grimelin streak that can make your fucking head hurt if you are not careful.”

Lexa absorbs this new information that Octavia thinks they believe her to be a bad kid. That they have nothing to say to her but yell at her.

“Why did you say yes if you knew that Octavia thinks I don’t like her?” they probed softly not wanting the blonde to change her mind.

Clarke laughs a little, and then answer, “Because you love her. You just have to find a way to show her. She is the kind of person that finds love in time with you, not the things you buy her. That’s why I never bought her a car. She wants to ride to school with me. She wants me to go to her tournaments and games. She spent a long time having no one, so having people is what makes her feel loved.”

Lexa looks down at the gentle way Clarke is taking in their reactions. Wrapping their arms around her neck and pulling her in, they ask, “How did you get so fucking smart, Griffin?”

“Well Trikru, I have been a parent a few more years than you have, so I have to go with mistakes. Tons of mistakes,” and with her answer they both laugh together.

*****

Lexa knocked on the door to Raven and O’s room but got no response. They almost walked away but they heard a muffled throat clearing, that they were sure was not intentional. Gradually they pushed open the door to find the teen curled up on the bed with the large chocolate lab laying her head on the pillow next to Octavia’s head. The dog rested comfortable, as the girl pressed her body into the dog’s fur.

“Octavia?” Lexa asked, moving to the bed with no other purpose than the comfort the girl.

The girl doesn’t answer, just buried her face further into the dog. And for a moment, Lexa found themself jealous of the dog.

Reaching out tentatively, Lexa ran their thin fingers over the girl’s muscular back in gentle chaotic strums.

“O, please talk to me,” Lexa begged.

The girl chocked a little as she said, “I apologized. I over reacted.” She didn’t turn around, but Lexa could picture Octavia as a young girl, which just made them feel that much more drawn to her.

Not sure what else to do, they lay along side the girl and pulled her into them. Holding her as she cried, Lexa tried to come up with words to say, but they couldn’t find anything. So instead they shush her quietly, trying to calm the shudders running through her. They want to understand but they can’t grasp why their girl that was always a fiery rocket, was reduced to sobbing over their argument. And Lexa wonders why they have this effect on Griffin women.

As the sobs began to lessen, and Octavia’s breathing evened out, they wondered if she had fallen asleep. But then she spoke, and Lexa knew they had to find the words to say to this girl.

“I’m trying to be the daughter you want me to be, but sometimes it’s hard,” she whispers. “I know you like her more than me. I know that you and Mom are going to have more kids and they will be more like you. I just don’t know where I fit anymore.”

They whisper into the girl’s hair, “You know O, I told you over pie one time that you were one of the kids I wanted, and that hasn’t changed. You’re still my first daughter. You’re the first kid I have ever been a parent to…”

They don’t really know where they were going, and they lose their train of thought, and the only thing they know is that the girl in their arms is their kid and she is hurting and they are the cause of that pain.

Their chest constricted as they embraced the last understanding, that they were the cause of her pain.

And this time they cry their own tears into brown ponytail that tickled their nose as they pressed into the back of the girl.

“I have made… so… so many mistakes. But I love you, O. I love you. And I’m sorry, I have screwed up. But O, you are my baby. You are my daughter and I love you for who you are. Not because you try to be like me. You are incredible just the way you are.”

*****

Octavia pulls from Lexa’s grasp, still unable to fully grasp when they had said because they were just words. And Octavia knew that Lexa was not really good at words that's why they used music. That was how they stole Clarke’s heart. That was how they had told her they were hurting. But Octavia couldn’t communicate through music.

But it didn’t change that they would always pick Raven over her, and that knowledge stung, and she didn’t know how to deal with it. 

As she moved, Autumn bounced off the bed and scrambled out of the room, leaving the girl alone with their future step-parent. She had to give it to Lexa they were trying, but she was upset and didn’t know how to let that go.

“You know Mom made a lot of mistakes when we first met too,” the words fell out of her mouth before she realized it.

Lexa laughed, and wiped the tears from their face, looking at the back of the now upright girl. “She told me.” Octavia huffed out and rolled her eyes because of course Clarke told Lexa.

*****

They heard the deep exhale and knew that they shouldn’t have told the girl what Clarke had been told. Now they had to recover and there were not speaker to do so, so they got up from the bed, and grabbed the girl by the wrist, tugging her towards the bedroom door.

“Nontu, what are you doing,” the girl says pulling back somewhat.

Lexa smiles, back at her as they make it down the stairs and out into the fresh mountain air. Once they are in an open area, Lexa releases Octavia and takes a few steps away.

Turning back to face to the girl, they say, “Attack me.” And they crouch down slightly, putting their hands up and with a gentle wave of both hands, they call the girl too them.

But the girl doesn’t move. Instead she stands still, with her arms crossed over her bust and tear tracks dried on her face. Her brow is furrowed, as she looks over at the figure that is taller but slimmer than she is.

“What the hell are you doing?” the girl’s voice called out, with clear unamused plastered in every mannerism radiating from the girl.

Lexa stood up and wanted to go stiff but instead they relaxed all their muscles and limply shrugged at the girl. “You said you wanted to learn my defense and we never got the chance. So let’s do it.”

“You want me to attack you when I’m pissed off and hurt. That sounds dumb, Lexa,” the girl said, and at the use of their first name they stood up and glared at the girl. They know that this is the girls ploy at being hurtful. They watched her do it to Clarke, demoting her to less than mom status when she was angry.

Pointing at her, they say, “That’s Nontu to you, kid.” Watching Octavia squint a little, at the command. So they stand and start to walk back toward the house, throwing over their shoulder, “And yes, I wanted you to _try_ and kick my ass. But I know you can’t. So I guess this was a waste of time. Maybe Raven will have bigger balls.”

They knew that one would dig at the girl, so they prepared for her retaliation that dig come, as a harsh push from behind that made them step forward a little.

*****

Clarke watched the interaction from inside and when she saw Octavia push Lexa as they went past, she moved quickly to the door, by Ryder caught her by both arms.

“Let me go. We don’t do violence,” she squirms trying to break free.

“Clarke, they’re bonding,” he says, and that gets the blonde’s attention. She stops moving for a minute, and looks at him over her shoulder.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He laughs, and explains as he releases her and guides her back to the window. Once there she sees the girl on the ground, with Lexa standing over her with an extended hand. What doesn’t make sense to Clarke is that Octavia is laughing. So she stand by and watches with Ryder’s hand placed gently on her shoulder.

*****

Octavia found herself on her ass, with Lexa standing over her laughing. Like really laughing. The way they laugh with Raven when they are fucking around in the garage.

“Ha… did you really think that was going to work?” they say holding out their hand to her. She can’t help but laugh too.

“I wanted you to teach me, not just knock me to the ground,” she grunted, taking the hand above them.

Lexa laughed again as they heaved her up to her feet. Octavia brushes at her jeans, and then without warning, barreled into Lexa’s knees taking them to the ground. With a few shifts, though Octavia found herself under Lexa’s grip pinning her to the ground.

“Arrr,” the girl hissed, which earned a laugh from Lexa, who withdrew from her.

“You sound like a pirate,” they say still laughing.

Octavia pushes up from the ground again, and wipes the forest from herself again. Pulling at her ponytail to clear away any twigs, she looks over at Lexa who is hopping up an down loosening their muscles.

“So when does the teaching actually start?”

Lexa turned and smiled broader than she had ever been privileged before. It was contagious and Octavia found herself unable to smile back.

“So is this like our thing?” She asks limply.

Lexa quirked their head to the side and looked at the girl in confusion, smile falling. Octavia sighed trying to explain it. Finding her words, she said, “Like you and Raven have the garage. Is this our thing. We beat each other up?”

Lexa turned their head up and looked at the sky, and she could tell they were turning over her words. Chewing on them. Trying them out. Turning back to her, they say, “Yeah, this is our thing. If you want it to be?”

And the question was met with a hug. A strong hug that lasted many minutes, and is interrupted by a soaked seven year old, pulling at Octavia’s shirt.

When she turned, she saw the girl standing there with her bat in hand.

“Octavia, I found you bat. I’m sorry. I just wanted to…” Alexi began but couldn’t finish because her idol reached down and wrapped her in a hug that caused the girl to drop the bat.

With her face pressed into Octavia’s chest, she said, “I wanted to try and I thought I could do it. I’m sorry. I won’t touch your stuff again.”

She is pulled back, and looked forced to look into the aqua eyes looking at her.

“I’m sorry, Alexi. I wasn’t really angry at you, and I would love to show you how to do it, k?” and the younger girl nodded enthusiastically, bringing a smile to Octavia’s face.

The girl picks up the bat, and moves over the strung up ball. Octavia stood, and felt Lexa’s hand on their shoulder.

“You know she looks up to you,” they say.

Octavia smiles, ‘someone admires with me.’

“Can we kick each other’s ass later?” she asks, watching Alexi trying to set her feet.

“Yeah, kid, go,” they say, but hold on for a minute. “I don’t love you less than you sister. I need you to know that.”

Octavia turned to see them, like really see them. The sincerity of the statement is paint in their face.

“I love you too, Nontu,” she said back, and gave them a quick hug, before moving to where the girl stands.

*****

They watch their girl helping Alexi and they couldn’t help the pride fill their chest. Clarke stood quietly by, but they were aware of her presence.

“What’s up, Prisa?” they ask not turning to face the blonde.

They heard her feet shift on the forest floor, and then feel their arms around them again. Her face pressed to Lexa’s shoulder, with her chin resting on their shoulder.

“Did you enjoy throwing our youngest to the ground?”

Lexa chuckled at the statement, and said, “The only Griffin I enjoy throwing and mounting is you, lovely.”

Clarke smiled, and she moved in front of Lexa. Placing her hands on Lexa’s hips, she pulled them closer.

“You all tired out now?” she asks with a seductive smile on her lips. Lexa knew that look, and it warmed their core.

They shook their head, not breaking eye contact with the blonde.

“Well then, Commander. How about you come show me some of your moves in a more private setting,” she whispers, pulling Lexa in for a gentile kiss. But Lexa pulled away, not letting the blonde’s lips reach theirs.

They held her back some, “Prisa, you did not ask to kiss me. But we need to talk before I take you.”

Clarke’s borrow furrowed some, and she looked at Lexa in slight confusion. Lexa saw the change, and they shifted slightly.

“We haven’t… since the fight. And I just don’t feel comfortable taking that control until we talk. I just feel really disgusted about the way that I treated you and I just need us to talk about our rules again. Because, I was wrong. I was so wrong and I took advantage of you and it was wrong,” they explained.

Clarke looked up at them, and placed a hand on their cheek, “Baby, did you get domdrop?”

It was Lexa’s turn to look at their partner in confusion. “Domdrop?” they ask hesitantly.

Clarke smiled softly. She pulled at Lexa’s hand, leading them back to the house. She answered softly, “Come on, Lexi. Let’s go talk.”


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2800 words of smut and discussion of smut. DO NOT READ AT WORK. ;)

Clarke and Lexa sat cross-legged facing one another. Clarke laughed to herself that only a short time ago, it was Lexa forcing her to sit in this vary position as they talked about their bedroom- well anywhere- relationship. Lexa was earnest in their expression, watching the blonde carefully, not sure how to proceed. Clarke had meant to continue their discussion of what she think’s Lexa is going through, but she isn’t sure how to start it. 

When the seconds of silence became too much for Lexa, they griped the blanket slightly with one hand and began, “Clarke, I feel like a raped you with what I did to you.”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open, never considering what had happened as non-consensual intercourse. She reached over and placed a hand on Lexa’s knee, before she said, “Lex, I wanted you to do what you did. I wanted you to fuck me, and I wanted you to fuck me hard until I reached my limit.”

“But Clarke, you were not in a state of mind for me to do what I did. As your dom, I am responsible for protecting you and making you feel safe. But, what I did was not protective. I hurt you because I was in pain,” they said, another wave of tears preparing to break through their damn.

“I wanted you to do what you did. Lexa, I am a masochist. I wanted and needed that pain. It was a release. I felt relief afterwards.”

But sex is not a punishment. I should have spanked you, that is are agreed punishment. But no matter, we were not in a scene. I had no right to punish you at all. I should have been there to hold you. I should have talked with you or gave you space. Fucking you was not healthy for you or me. It was abusive,” Lexa stated as their lips began to quiver. Saying how they felt was harder than just thinking it.

“Okay.”

Clarke reached over and wiped away the tear that escaped from Lexa’s left eye. Not moving her hand from Lexa’s face, she considered where to go from here.

Finding her words, she said, “Lexa, you are holding on to this guilt, but you need not hold it. If it is forgiveness you seek, then you have it. Because I am not hurt, I am not upset. I love you, and I want us to move past this. Can we do that?”

Lexa nodded, but then said, “We need to reestablish our boundaries. We never finished our last conversation and I want more definite rules.”

It was Clarke’s turn to nod, because this meant they were moving forward.

Clarke removed her hand from Lexa’s face, and placed them on either side of her body. Lexa watched, and understood that Clarke was moving into a position for instructions.

“Punishments. Punishments may only be dealt for actions during a scene, not for anything that happens before or after a scene,” Lexa states, pulling back their tears within, becoming harder in physic and tone. “Punishment is at this point in the form of spanking. Would you like to add to this list?”

 Clarke looked at Lexa with a slightly tucked chin. With a slight smile curving at her lips, she said, “I would like us to invest in a crop and would like punishments would move to use of that.”

Lexa qwirked and eyebrow, waiting. Clarke smiled, “I’m sorry, Commander. I meant I would like to use the crop for punishment, Commander.”

“Why, Prisa?”

“Commander, I really enjoy when you spank me, and I think I would enjoy you spanking me while you fuck me,” she whispers, slightly shy by her answer.

Lexa smiled, at the confesion. But immediately regained their composure, as they say, “Any other punishments, Prisa?”

Clarke considered other opitions, but felt she want not ready to proceed at this point. The crop would already be a new form of punishment. Taking a deep breath, she says, “Withheld climax, Commander.”

“Clarify.”

“If I am misbehaving, then I should not be allowed to climax, Commander. But I would like this be used when are in mid scene and I stop behaving, like I move when I am not suppose to.”

Clarke knows that this punishment will be completely irritating for her, but also accepted the consequences for not following instructions.

“Okay, Prisa. In the event that that punishment is utilized, you will still be expected to follow instructions. Do you understand?” Lexa asks, watching Clarke carefully.

Clarke nodded, but Lexa commanded, “Use your words, Prisa.”

“Yes, Commander. I understand that if my climax is withheld I must continue to follow your instructions until you are satisfied by my performance.”

“Good, Prisa,” Lexa commended her, and reached forward, cupping her cheek. “Now, let’s talk about your limits. We have established safe words, but I would like to discuss what positions, objects, and such we will use.”

Clarke let’s her head fall slightly into Lexa’s touch, rubbing her cheek against the soft palm. Lexa allowed Clarke to enjoy the touch for a few moments before withdrawing.

“Now, Prisa, tell me what you would like to continue, as well as any additions you would like us to make to our supplies.”

“We need tie downs, “Clarke says practically jumping in her seat. But Lexa’s harsh look, makes her realize she had forgotten to address them properly twice now, and a third time will cause her to be punished. “Commander, I would like for us to purchase ties for both my hands and my feet. I would like for you to tie me spread.”

Lexa nodded at the request, but Clarke continued speak, “Also, since we are not in possession of a crop yet, we will retain spanking as a punishment until a crop is ascertained.”

Lexa’s face went from smiling to stern, and they state, “Klarke, that is three times you have failed to address me properly. When we are completed with this conversation, you will accept your punishment at the side of the bed. At this point you will receive ten, every time you fail to address me properly, I will add another five. Is this understood?”

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke answers, trying not to smile that she has managed to get them back into commander mode.

“Now, continue with your wishes,” they say.

The conversations continue, as the two walk through which toys they will use, and a requested list of toys for them to invest in. With each comfortable with the list of actions that they are both willing to take place, because this time, Clarke did not forget to ask for Lexa’s limits. Even though, they made sure to inform their future wife that they will be providing her instruction in the event that they will be the one climaxing at her hands.

With punishments and actions out of the way, the final conversation needed, concerned after care. Lexa explained that it was their responsibility to take care of Clarke after a scene. This included the use of lotions and salves to repair skin areas, as well as the comfort needed to ensure Clarke’s feeling of safety.

“Commander, I believe that is what caused you domdrop,” Clarke stated hesitantly. When Lexa looked at her in confusion, Clarke explained, “Its when you, Commander, feel guilty for not making me feel safe. When you withhold aftercare you set yourself up to feel guilty. But like when you punish me, and I get absolution, you get that for taking care of me afterwards. That night, we did not do after care and you internalized that pain, Commander.”

Lexa chewed on Clarke’s words, considering if that may be the cause of their feelings. They are not certain, but they say to the blonde, “That may be the case…” and after a moment concludes, “Are you done with our conversation, Prisa?”

Clarke nodded enthusiastically, as she says, “Yes, Commander. Should I take my position at the side of the bed?”

Lexa shakes their head, “You are not suppose to be excited for a punishment, Prisa.”

Clarke smiles, “I am not excited for the punishment. I am excited for after the punishment.” And she winks at Lexa who resumes shaking their head.

“That’s fifteen, Prisa. Do I need to remind you of what my name is?”

Clarke’s smile drops slightly, and she bows her head a little, “No, Commander.”

*****

Clarke counted out the fifteen strikes, as Lexa’s slender hand crashed into the supple flesh of her ass. It had been a few weeks since, Clarke had felt Lexa’s touch punishing her, but she embraced it, as the snapped eased into a slight burn after each hit. Her core began to seep from her lips by the seventh hit, and by the twelfth, she felt the first drip running down the interior of her thigh.

Pausing after the thirteenth strike, she felt Lexa’s finger run up her thigh and then after a moment heard the gentile pop of Lexa’s mouth.

“Mmhmmm, Prisa. You have been wanted this, haven’t you?”

And as she answered, “Yes, Commander,” Lexa’s cupped hand sent Clarke forward slightly into the bed. “Fourteen, Commander.”

The fifteenth came shortly after, and Clarke choked out the last number. Lexa helped Clarke onto the bed, and asked her the location of their salve, as they knew if Clarke was hoping for this, then she would have packed it. Retrieving it from the bag, they rubbed a thin layer into the scarlet skin.

They heard the blonde shuttered slightly into their touch, but pushed her ass up slightly into their hands. They massaged the tender flesh gently, stroking up the woman’s back in gentle strums. As they feel her relax into their touch, they add a little pressure and some nails to it leaving slight marks running down her back and buttocks.

She moaned louder than they would like, so they pulled their hands way, and growled, “You must be silent, Prisa.”

“Yes, Commander Lek-sa,” she answers as Lexa’s hands return to her body.

Once they are sure that she is relaxed they slide a finger between her folds and watch as she raises her ass slightly giving them more room. Their entrance into her is soft, and they feel her walls adjust to their finger. Without withdrawing, they curl their finger and rub against the smoother patch of skin within her. They watch as her hands grip at the blankets, and they can tell she is trying desperately to maintain her silence but she was struggling.

They pulled their finger from within and replaced it with a silicon dick with a length of  cord and a small controller extending from the base met at the other end with a control box.

“Prisa, move to the side of the bed and do not drop my dick,” Lexa states. They watch Clarke tense her ass, and then move to the side of the bed.

They press the first button, and hear as the vibration kicks on. Clarke’s blue eyes expand and she inhales deeply, biting down on her lower lip.

“Kneel,” and she complies. Kneeling on the ground, between their thighs.

Lexa looks down at the blonde, whose head is tilted back, her mouth open slightly as her breath becomes slightly ragged. They smile knowing that they are controlling her pleasure, and want to extend it some, so they hit the stop button, and watch as her face drops in utter disappointment.

“Now Prisa, I can tell you enjoy that, so here is the game we will play. You are going to fuck me with nothing but your tongue. When I like what you are doing, I will increase the vibration,” they explain, and watch as the smile on the blonde spreads broadly across her face.

“You may not cum, until I give you permission, and I assure you that will not be until I am completely satisfied. Do you understand?” Clarke nods, hoping that Lexa will remember that she is still under the silent command.

“Good Prisa,” they say as they move the hand not clutching the controller to the back of blonde curls and pulling her face to and inch within their cunt. “You may begin, Kwen.”

Clarke locked eyes with Lexa, as she closes the last inch of distance, and extends her pink tongue from within her mouth. She carefully caresses it against, Lexa’s wet labia, and then presses within the slit and licked up from their entrance to the tip of their clit. They tighten their grip in her hair pulling her in deeper, and press the vibration button with the other hand.

They hear it kick on once again, and feel the woman press her tongue against their clit and move it clockwise around the outer edges of the hood. Lexa closes their eyes enjoying the sensations that began building in their belly and gradually sent a wave of heat up their chest and flush across their face.

As Clarke moved her tongue more quickly, they hit the button again adding more sensation, which causes the blonde to falter in her motions. Lexa goes to hit the off button, but feels Clarke’s teeth graze their clit, and they shutter slightly abandoning the remote, and pulling her hair into them with both hands tangled in her hair. Her lips lock around the pulsing nub that has extended from the hood and sucked.

A rasping growled escaped from teheir lips as the coiling within moved downward.

Their thighs shuddered as the pressure was building.

Removing one hand they found the remote and hit the button again, upping the speed of vibration. They were rewarded by Clarke’s pink member pressed strongly against them, licking in an upward motion.

“Cum with me, Kwen,” the growl as they feel their body taking over, and waves of spasms take over their body. They cling to the head pressed between their thighs. They feel as her tongue turns to ice with her climax and it sends another wave of motion through them, before they even recovered from the first orgasm.

They rode the waves, as Clarke ease off their clit, licking gently around them, easing them down from their climb. They tug on her hair, pulling her up to their lips, where they meet her with a clash of teeth, tongue and lips. They pull the still vibrating dick from their fiancé, and pull her into them.

Meeting their clits, they ground into each other. Lexa’s hands puliing at Clarke’s back with their left hand, while their left dug into her hip. Tucking their head down, their lips from her perked pink bud, and they applied generous pressure to it with their teeth.

She moaned out  at the pressure, breaking the silent requirement. Unwilling to stop, Lexa’s hand on her hip was moved and smacked into the blonde’s still sore ass, as they bit her other nibble.

This time she gasped, but did not make any more sound than that of the ragged breathes. Her arms holding her up, on either side of their body, they feel her beginning to shake.

“Not yet, Kwen,” They whisper before wrapping their lips around her small earlobe and sucking down on it.

They want to climax with her, but they know that she is too far gone, so they pull her back, and motion for her to move up to their mouth. She follows instructions, and they bury their face into her hovering cunt.

They thrust their tongue into her entrance, and press their nose against her clit. They feel her grind down on their face, and they slide a finger to her ass, just barely stimulating the perked rosey opening. They know this is sending her close to the edge.

Grabbing her hand, they pull it to their clit, and she rubs eagerly. It takes but  few moments of stimulation, before Lexa has also met their edge.

Pulling back slightly, they say to the woman spread on their face, “With me,” and then they tuck back into the shaved cunt licking her interior walls, and pressing the single digit in her backside.

She shutters and moves her fingers move vigorously over Lexa’s clit. When the first spasm hits them, they feel Clarke’s spasm take over  her body, and they press their tongue within, devouring her orgasm, as she moans out in ragged breathes, “Commander.”

Lexa wants to be mad, but it was so fucking hot their name feel from her lips.

When Clarke’s body goes limp, Lexa eases her down onto their chest and gently strums their fingers over her back.

“I love you, Kwen. You were amazing,” they whisper with other gentile whispers into the curls of the exhausted woman on their chest.

They hear her tired whisper, “I love you, Lek-sa. Thank you.”

They strum more gently as they hear her breathing even out. Lost in thought about protection of the woman laying with them.

‘Never leave,’ the voice within says, and they nod as though they were talking to someone else.

Pressing their lips to her sleeping head, they say, “You are my happily ever after, Klarke,” and then gradually allow themself to slip off into their own rested state.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you K17! Your heroism made this chapter possible!

Raven and Octavia sat on the steps outside, flipping through the magazines that Clarke had picked up at the small log cabin looking grocery store, where they grabbed some perishable items that they didn’t want to try and transport.  All of the shiny thin paper offered really were images of skinny women in pearled and lacy wedding dresses.

“So, do you know what Nontu is going to wear yet?” Octavia asked, as she compared two different shades of blue. She was guessing the wedding would be blue and green to match the rings that Clarke and Lexa had picked for each other, but really no decisions had been made yet.

Raven tossed her magazine on to the lower step of ‘already gone through pile.’ Looking up at the darkening sky, she answered, “Nope, but I am guessing skinny pants, boots, and suspenders. “

Octavia’s face contorted, as she considered Raven’s answer. Thinking to herself, ‘For a wedding? No.’ They wouldn’t consider wearing boots to their wedding. Not with Clarke all dressed up.

Raven studied Octavia and could tell that she was trying to imagine Lexa’s outfit. This brought a curl to her lips, as she thought about it too. She really had no idea what Lexa would wear to their wedding, and it was an interesting idea to consider.

“Not to the wedding. I don’t see them in skinnies and boots,” Octavia finally responded.  Then added, “Suspenders, yes. Mom loves them in suspenders.”

Raven laughs with a mild snort, because she knew it was true. Clarke loved suspenders for some reason.

“Do you think that when Nontu is old and like hunched over with their pants pulled up past their belly button, Mom is still going to be all ‘Commander, I love your suspenders!’?”

Raven’s comment pulled a real laugh from the younger teen. Which Raven enjoyed because things had been intense between them since she threw her little sister under the bus about Lincoln and her having sex. They had spoken to each other, but mainly it was pointless conversations and answering questions, other than that they avoided each other completely.

When Octavia’s laughter mellowed, they went back to the slightly awkward silence. And Raven finally asked, “Are we okay?”

Octavia tossed down her magazine into the lower step pile, and leaned back against the step, stretching her legs out. She wasn’t smiling anymore. Instead, she was considering the events of the last few weeks.

She was pissed at Raven, but didn’t want to start further drama in the house. She hadn’t meant to yell at Lexa earlier, but that had happened. And she didn’t want to fight with Raven now, but truth was that things were not okay with them.

Raven betrayed her, and then said that she was a bad kid to their family.

And damn it she had worked really hard to not be a bad kid anymore.

Taking a deep breath, she answered, “No.” One word. Nothing more. Nothing less. Just an answer to the question. Because Octavia didn’t know how to fix this.

*****

Raven watched the leaves sway slightly on the branches above, and contemplated her sister’s answer.

“No.”

That was all she had said. How was she suppose to fix this? Was it even possible to fix. She knew that she had fucked up that morning, and honestly she didn’t even know why she had told Lexa about Lincoln and Octavia.

Well, really she did know. She wanted the attention off of her. She wanted them to see her as making good choices. That she was enacting the role of the responsible daughter. That she was worthy of their love and their trust.

And the only way she knew how to do that was to make the other girl, who was already the daughter, already secure in her position within the family, seem like the one that was not living up to the expectations.

She had taken the opportunity to make herself look better, by trying to make Octavia look inferior. She knew that Lexa would lose their shit about the two teens, but she also knew that Clarke would protect Octavia. And she wasn’t sure if Clarke would protect her.

Even though Clarke and her had started to work their shit out and they were communicating better, Raven still worried that Clarke would change her mind.

And that’s what it came down to.

Raven knew that she was insecure about her position within the home, because Clarke was the boss. Clarke made the decisions. Clarke made the decision to let her stay and Clarke could decide to make her go. She knew that Clarke may lose Lexa in that decision, but then at least Raven would still have Lexa.

The sky was almost dark, as the two girls just sat silently. The breeze moved more forcefully, but not enough to send either girl into a chill. They just sat there breathing, and thinking.

Raven closed her eyes, and let the truth fall from her lips, “I’m insecure in being here. In being a part of the Griffin family.”

Octavia shifted in her seat and cast a quick glance over to Raven. She meant to look away, but she noticed the masked face of the girl sitting at her side, and could tell she was trying to hold it all in.

“Nontu loves you more than me,” Octavia states, knowing that even though she had a moment with Lexa earlier, they preferred Raven to her.

Raven shook her head and sighed, “No, we just know what its like being an outsider in that house. You might as well have come from her. You both are so much alike, have the stories and the connection. You have a family that loves you so completely. That's why I bashed you. I wanted to feel like to good kid. I wanted not to be the one that manipulated my way into the house. That lied to everyone. I wanted to be the one that they were proud of for once.”

She paused for a moment, and when Octavia didn’t say anything, she continued, “Everyone is always so proud of you for school, and softball, and overcoming all your shitty past. They were all so thrilled when they found out that you and Lincoln weren’t having sex all those nights that Clarke thought you were. You’re the golden child, O. I wanted to know what it felt like.”

*****

‘Golden child? She thinks I’m the good kid? I’m the one that has been getting in trouble for the past several weeks.’

She tilted her head and analyzed Raven’s face. Watching to see if she would break, but when she doesn’t Octavia wonders how to respond.

Finally she says, “You still think Mom doesn’t love you, don’t you?”

And Raven nodded.

Thinking carefully, Octavia tries to find the words that would explain Clarke to Raven. The way that Clarke loves another. But honestly, she didn’t know how. So she tried a different tactic.

“Well, I don’t think that Nontu loves me most of the time,” she admits. Then continues, “Usually I feel like I am just a bi-product of them being in a relationship with Mom. I mean, when they came to my games, they just stared at her the whole time. They never really watched me play. They don’t talk to me about things unless I am in trouble. Today was the first day that we did something together, not because Mom asked us to. I think that we are still trying to figure this whole thing out. You know I am terrified at the idea of them having kids. Because I mean what if they don’t want me anymore. Nontu told me earlier that I was one of the kids they want, but still. Its different…being adopted. You always know that when they have their own kids, they will feel more connected to them. They will have their wholes lives to share with them. But we just get a few years.”

She wanted not to cry, but when she heard Raven sniff in the runaway snot, she lost her own emotional control as well.

“I spent the first year trying to hurt Mom in as many ways as possible. I just wanted her to feel my pain. I stopped cutting, so I needed a different outlet. So I was emotionally abusive. I still am sometimes when she says or does something that I don’t like. But it doesn’t matter, because I know she loves me. She shows me she loves me, in the ways that I need to be loved. She is always there. Every game. Every parent teacher night. Every book report or nightly dinner. She is always there. Have you noticed that she does that with you too?”

For the first time, since the conversation began, Raven looked at Octavia, but Octavia could tell she was trying to figure out when Clarke was there for her.

“When you went to Bellamy’s that night. She was there to get you. When you were sick, she was there with you the whole time. She still checks on you every night when you are asleep to make sure you are still in your room. She picks you up from the shop, since your boss took the truck. She listens when you talk. Not halfway listens, like really listens. She loves you.”

“Why doesn’t it feel the same, when I watch you two then?” Raven asks.

And Octavia’s lips curve a little upward, as she explained, “We have just had more time. We had time to find our song. We had time to learn each other. We have had more fights and more make-ups. We have picked each other up when the other was broken.  More time, more stories. You will make your own stories with her, if you give her a chance.”

Footsteps approaching from behind them, cause both of them to quickly try to wipe away the evidence of their tears and emotional breakdown, but they really are not fast enough.

Lincoln and Bellamy sit down on the first step behind their respective partner. They don’t need to say much, they could tell they interrupted the discussion, but it would have been more awkward to stop what they were doing and turn around.

“Everything good?” Bellamy finally asked, when neither girl turned to greet them. He ran his hand over Raven’s bare arm and pulled her up into him slightly, so that she could rest her back against him.

“Uh, we were just talking about me being a bitch,” Raven said, as she moved up a step and leaned into Bellamy’s chest.

Bellamy cast a questionable glance over at Octavia, who was too moving up into Lincoln’s lap; his huge arms wrapped around her middle, and face buried into her neck. It pissed Bellamy off, but he couldn’t help at the same point to appreciate that Lincoln really cared for his sister.

“You were a bitch,” Octavia added with a slight laugh. “And really your reasoning sucks. Because we are sisters. We need to, like, be a team. If you want to go boink Bell, I would totally cover for you.”

“Boink? Really?” her brother stated in utter distaste.

“Shut-up. You weren’t invited into this conversation but you’re here so let us finish,” she said to the boy, before meeting the brown eyes of her sister. “I’m not asking you to lie for me. But seriously don’t throw me under in the path of Abstinance is Best Nontu to make yourself feel better.”

Raven nodded, and admitted, “It was fucked up. I’m sorry, O.”

Octavia nodded back, making a slight duck face in the process, “Forgiven.”

They each snuggled their boy-man, for a few moments, before Octavia added, “Also, I’m sorry for being too much like Mom.”

Raven’s grin grew, while the boys looked at each other with a quirked eyebrow.

*****

Bellamy didn’t get it, so he asked, “How are you like Clarke?”

Lincoln shifted Octavia from his lap and stood, knowing what Octavia was about to say and being all too familiar with how Bellamy chooses to deal with this subject.

But she just smiles and says, “When I am having an orgasm, Bell, I am like REALLY loud!” and her laughed is joined with Raven’s. Lincoln hopped over the patio railing, down the several foot drop and began to run a safe distance from them.

Bellamy’s mouth fell, and he looked like he just swallowed a mouth full of vomit. He didn’t know what to do, as he watched the younger male jump from the patio and realized that he could chase him.

He could beat him… well, he could try.

He could scream.

But none of these options seemed to be taking place, as his ass remained planted on the step and watched his little sister move from the stairs and followed Lincoln out onto the beach, where they began to play in the water.

He turned his attention to the dark featured beauty laughing against him, instead of going on a Lexa level sex rampage. And for a moment her laughter and bright smile distracted him. Because ‘fuck!’ she was beautiful, and he felt the heat leaving his stomach and growing some place else.

‘Shit!’ he tried to think of something to calm himself, but it didn’t work.

Raven was too close to him. Her warm, only partially clothed, body was pressed into the area that was expanding because he had put her there.

And now she was looking up at him, her laughter phased out, and replaced with a subtle smirk. Which quite frankly did not help his situation.

They had been on six—maybe seven?— dates. Six or seven dates in maybe a month? He wished he could remember all the dates like Lincoln did, but he couldn’t. He wanted to be as good to his girl as his sister had found in the huge bulk of muscle that slept on the bottom bunk below him, but just looking at her, he felt inadequate. He couldn’t even control himself long enough to wait for her, without putting them both in an awkward position.

Looking down with soft brown eyes, he couldn’t help notice the depth within the dark cocoa eyes looking up at him, or the way she licked her lower lip and bit down on the right side slightly. With any other girl, he would be pushing into her, letting her know that he wanted her. But not with Raven. With her, he wanted to contain it within in order to give her the time she needed. But here he was digging into her back, begging for attention.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, knowing that she was undoubtedly feeling his arousal. He went to speak again, but felt her finger against his dry lips.

Ceasing the urge to talk, he just listened.

“Come with me,” she said softly, her dark eyes indistinguishable between pupil and color with the falling light. When she pulled away from his body, he felt the mild chill of having lost her heat, but his blood was pumping faster as he watched her thin form move from the step.

When he doesn't follow right away, she reaches out for his hand. There is no reluctance in taking her hand, but in getting up. Because his heart told him to hold her and just remind her that he cares for her. The other part of him, only cared to get her undressed enough to bury himself within her and feel that relief that he had that first night they shared together. But as he pictured that night, he remembered the silent sorrow buried in her glance, and that urge to just fuck her evaporated quickly.

She led him from the patio, into the main living area of the house, leaving Octavia and Lincoln alone to play by the lake. Once inside, he saw Ryder, Abby, and Alexi at the dining room table engrossed in a game of Candyland. No one looked up, as they passed by quietly and made their way up the stairs.

When outside of the girl’s bedroom, they heard a loud and obvious moan of pleasure followed by a snap coming from Lexa and Clarke’s room. Bellamy looked down at Raven who covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. ‘What the fuck was that?’

She glanced at his puzzled face, and whispered, “They are kinky. Full dom/sub shit.”

His eyes grew and he looked back at the room, where he now realized that someone just got smacked…and smacked hard. Raven didn’t move as he processed this information. Looking back at her, he exhaled slowly.

Her gaze was soft but serious, as she asked, “You’re not into that right?”

He shook his head, and felt as her body relaxed. Inside he was relieved that this was not something she wished of him. He couldn’t do that. Well, yeah, he hits Lincoln for touching his sister. But he doesn’t get off on it. He can’t process how to feel about the Lexa and Clarke that is taking place behind the door just ten feet away.

Raven reached over and turned the handle to her and Octavia’s room, and pulled Bellamy within after her. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she pressed into him, kissing him deeply.

With her tongue dancing with his, thoughts of his strange, barely four years older than he was, pseudo parents faded from his mind completely.

In place of those thoughts, his mind was fuzzy, as what seemed like an ample supply of his blood was being reallocated. His erection grew within his pants, rubbing against the black Under Armor boxer briefs.

He wanted her. He knew he shouldn’t but he wanted her now. The material attempting to contain him was tight and was growing more uncomfortable by the second.

He flipped them over, and pressed her against the door. Feeling her arms around his neck, he thought, ‘Yeah. Here. Door.’ One words that all that seemed to be coming to him, as he pressed his body against her. He hadn’t been abstinent for this long since high school, and he was trying to be good and follow Lincoln’s advice, but ‘Fuck!’

But then three words came to his mind. ‘On the bed.’

She had her hand pressed against him, through his pants, and it was almost too much for him. He kissed her back deeply, pulling her head into his kiss with her hair tangled around his fingers.

As she moved her hand up and down, he groaned slightly. Pushing off the door, he backed her into the bed, until they collapsed.

‘You should stop this,’ his inner voice said, as his mind cleared slightly without her hand gripping his clothed dick.

‘She may not be ready,’ it told him again.

But then her hands had his pants undone, and she was pulling off her shirt. And then he watched as with one hand she unclasped her bra and it was quickly pulled and tossed away.

Then she lay back, her ponytailed hair pushed around her head, and she lay there just presenting herself to him. He forgot what was going on in his head. She was toned and tanned and beautiful. He stood up and looked at the half naked girl lying in front of him. His fingers trailed down her chest, to her pants, and she arched her back into his touch.

And the voice in his head was over ruled by the urge of his dick that twitched against her.

 “Are you sure?” he asked, and she smiled nodding to him.

He didn’t second-guess it. His nimble fingers had her pants undone and cast to the side within moments.

The only thing between him and his goal of sheathing himself within her, was the thin red cotton material that was laced on all edges. The contrast of color against her skin, urged him further, and he pulled them from her body in one pull. Making it a show of his skill as her partner.

He didn’t ask permission again. Instead a gentle swipe between her folds, he could feel how ready she was. Entering her with a single digit, he heard a subtle gasp in response to the intrusion of his calloused finger. Bellamy felt as she slowly rocked her hips onto him, as her eyes regained their focus on him.

Kneeling down between her legs, his tongue grazed her clit and when she rocked more strongly he added more pressure. His cocked danced with her movements and moans. He hoped he could withstand pleasing her, because he wanted to take his time with her.

Sucking down on the nerved nub, that’s smooth surface had risen from the depths of its hood caused her to move from gentle shakes to aggressive panting.

Her hands found his hair and pulled and pushed him into her. Begging for more. He didn’t know how to add more sensation to her clit, and took note that maybe they could talk about this later. So instead he added another finger, and felt her walls tighten around him momentarily before she relaxed. He scissor them slightly, hoping to adjust her to fit him, when the time came and that he hoped she would be begging for her to be encasing him in wet warmth. 

Rubbing his tongue over the nub and the two fingers along her inner walls, brings her to a shaking mess, as she softly exhales, “Oh… god… Bell…. Oh fuck…”

Each syllable expelled from her beautiful lips, encouraged him to apply more pressure, until her shaking legs quivered in pleasure and tightened around his head, holding him firmly in place. As she rocked, through her orgasm, he started to pull his fingers from within her, only to receive a swift smack to the top of his head, and the words, “Don’t move!”

Following instructions, he held still and felt her walls gripping his fingers. He had never felt this before, always quick to withdraw once the girl was done. But he realized he enjoyed this sensation, because he did this to her.

He wasn’t sure how long it took for her to recover, but after that undeterminable time, she released his head and he withdrew from within her.

*****

Raven lay in a puddle of emotions, as Bellamy kneeled between her thighs. Her orgasm was calming and she found herself in control of her abs again. She watched as Bellamy moved up onto the bed, and lay along side of her.

She felt his rough fingertips grazing her abdomen and her chest. She knew that he was waiting for her okay, to enter her, and now in her aftermath, she wondered if she was doing the right thing.

She wondered if Lexa burst through the door, could she defend her actions the way her younger sister could so easily. There was no doubt that the girl loved Lincoln.

But did she love Bellamy?

Or was he a wanted distraction?

His presence next to her was welcomed. She turned and pushed her back into him, enjoying how he wrapped his arm around her and held her. But it was only a moment before she could feel his harsh erection digging and twitching against her back, because she had brought him up here with a promise of release.

She wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but she didn’t want to just tease him, get off, and then bail on him. So she pushed back into him, encouraging his wandering hand.

One made its way down her stomach and his thumb found her still overly sensitive clit and her rubbed harshly against it. It hit her then that Bellamy had always been a selfish lover and really didn’t know a woman’s body, but he was trying with her. And it warmed her because he was trying to be everything she wanted. And the doubts that she had began to fade.

“Too sensitive,” she whispered to him.

She felt his lips close to her ear, and he whispered, “I’m sorry. Please tell me what you want and what feels good. I want to learn you.”

‘Yes, this is right,’ and she twisted around into him. Crashing her lips to his, his dick shifted against her naval, and she wrapped her own calloused hand around the smooth shaft. Pulling slightly, she redirected his erection from her stomach to her cunt and pressed forward.

His tip met the wetness that was drenching her lips and inner thighs, and she felt him shutter against her. His body reacting made her smile, and she moved forward taking him between her folds and coating him in slick wetness.

Within moments, though she found herself on her back under Bellamy, who was gripping himself as he kissed down her neck. He pressed his tip against her entrance, but pulled from her neck and looked down at her. She could see his question, but instead of answering she moved her hand to his hip and pulled him into her.

As the tip broke into her, she threw her head back and a moan escaped her lips. She hoped it wasn’t loud enough to call attention to them, but she didn’t care as she felt herself filled with all that is Bellamy; her body relearning that he was larger than the only other cock she taken.

Before long her walls adjusted, and they were matching thrusts. He was soft and gentle with every entrance. Their skins coated with glossy sweat, as he rode her missionary style.

Occasionally, his thrusts would stop as he ground himself into her, stimulating her now not overly sensitive but rather very yearning clit.

She could feel him getting close, but she wasn’t there yet. She worried that he would finish and their first time as an official couple would be marred with a one sided orgasm that left her wanting. So she pushed him off of her, and got on her knees.

Bellamy didn’t question the position change, as he positioned himself behind her, and pushed within her with a grunt of relief feeling her clench around him. One hand guiding her back and forth by her hip, he watched as she moved her hand between her thighs and began to vigorously rub her clit.

The image of Raven pleasing herself, pushed him into a new wave of desire and his thrusts increased in quickness. He felt her begin to shiver under him, and he reached forward, pulling her back on him with one hand on her shoulder the other still at her hip.

Each thrust earning him a moan and beg from Raven, “Harder Belll… fuck me harder.” And he obliged as his hips began to smack into her gorgeous ass. He felt her walls closing down on him and he held her up onto him as he slowed his thrusts to ease her through her second orgasm.

He wanted to try and push her to three, but the pressure coiled within him, and he found her walls milking him as he pushed deep within her and released all of the tension he had been holding.

They collapsed into each other after they both came down from their high. They knew that sleeping was not an option at this time, because O still had to come to bed in here, and Alexi would be sneaking in at some point as well.

Raven’s face rested against Bellamy’s chest, and she listened to his heartbeat slowing down from their activities. His pressed his lips to her head, and asked her, “Do you feel good?” His tone was questionable and Raven could tell he was asking if he rushed her, or if he didn’t please her.

“Yes, I’m great, Bell. You did well,” she smiled as she ghosted her fingers over his bare chest, rubbing her index finger around the tiny tight nipple.

He breathed out, considering what to say next. “I meant it.”

She pushed up and looked at him, not understanding what he meant.

“I want to learn what you like. What you love. What makes you arch your back like that because that was amazing,” he admitted gazing at her.

She smiled, and her cocky attitude returned, “Don’t worry. I’ll train you.”

He snorted out a soft laugh, as he said, “I am not a dog.”

Rolling her eyes, she retorted, “No, dogs are easier to train.’

Feigning offense, he pushed her slightly, but the momentum helped her roll from the bed away from the door as Octavia burst through the door to see a completely naked brother full displayed on Raven’s bed.

“NO! NO! NO!” She screamed, slamming door behind her.

*****

They both heard Octavia screaming, and it pulled them from their state of exhaustion. Lexa was the first from the bed, pulling on their boxer briefs and a tank top from the dresser by the door.

“What the fuck is going on?” a very sore Clarke asked, moving much more slowly than her partner. Her legs shook a little, needing much more rest to make moving around after the intense scene they had only an hour before completed. She located a t-shirt and panties that she found on the floor and pulled them on, as Lexa left the bedroom.

Lexa moved through the hallway towards where they thought Octavia had screamed. Pushing through the door, they halted at the sight of the older boy-man trying to pull his pants on one side of the bed, while their baby was pulling a shirt over her head on the other side of the bed.

“You,” they growled at Bellamy, but was pulled back quickly by the blonde behind them.

Pressing her lips to Lexa’s ear as she pulls their body back into hers and wrapped her arms around their waist. Clarke whispered, “Do not freak out. We do not sex shame our girls.”

Lexa growled out a deep breath in frustration, glaring at the two still trying to put their clothes on. Shaking their head they tried to calm down. Reminding themself that Raven was an adult and she could make her own decisions.

Then they heard a voice from behind them.

*****

This was all her fault. Octavia didn’t mean to freak out and run away. She didn’t mean to pull Lexa from their room all angry anti-anyone-but-them-getting-laid.

But that is exactly what had happened. She came back up the stairs after hearing the door to her parent’s room being slammed open and their footsteps stopping at the room that she had just left, she knew just how badly she had fucked up.

She had literally just told Raven she was pissed at her for throwing her under the Lexa-anti-sex-bus, and first opportunity she got, she put Raven there.

“They didn’t have sex,” she said, out of breath from running up the stairs. Everyone turned to look at her, causing her face to flush in the lie. But she repeated, “They didn’t have sex. I caught them before hand. So if you are going to be mad just be mad for almost sex, not sex sex.”

*****

Raven’s eyes widened, as the lies flowed from Octavia’s mouth. She felt so ashamed at putting Octavia in a position to lie for her, but at the same point, this is what Octavia meant. It was their responsibility to protect each other from Lexa’s crazy ‘no one may touch my babies’ mindset.

*****

Clarke watched her youngest daughter lie through her teeth. She didn’t know if Lexa had learned this yet, but when Octavia lied her cheeks flushed a crimson red. She couldn’t control it. When the aqua eyes met the blue, she knew that Octavia was aware that she wasn’t getting away with the lie. But Clarke didn't say anything. Just pulled at Lexa trying to get them from the room.

Lexa took one last look at the two adult children in the room, and shook their head before leaving the room. Clarke looked back at the kids and made her way over to Raven. Wrapping her arms around the girl, she whispered to her, “Don’t worry. They’ll be fine. But thank your sister for lying for you though.” She pulled away and looked at Raven, who was nodding softly back at her. She smiled softly, and stated, “We’ll talk later?”

And she nodded again.

As Clarke made it back to the door slowly, her legs stiff and ass still aching from the punishment earlier, she stopped to meet her daughter, who looked at her in shame. Reaching out and touching her shoulder, she said, “You and I will talk later as well. Just please do not get caught with Lincoln tonight. Too much for their heart.”

“Okay,” the girl whispered out. “I’m sorry…. I…” but Clarke put a finger over her lips.

“I know, baby. I know what you did and I know why you did it. We’ll talk about it later.”

She moved out of the room and stopped a minute, holding her hand out to wall to balance. Lexa stuck their head out around the doorframe and saw Clarke standing in the hallway. They could see her taking a few deep breaths, and concern flooded through them. Coming out of the room, they pull up against her and ask, “Prisa, what’s wrong?”

Clarke smiled weakly, and answered, “Just sore, babe. It’s been awhile that we have done it as hard as that.”

Lexa nodded in understanding and moved so that Clarke could put her arm around them and they can help her move a little lighter. Once her hand was there though, they pulled her from her feet and carried her bridal style into the room and placed her gently on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” they say, taking a knee at the side of the bed and pushing a few stray blonde hair s out of her face. “I should have been more gentle.”

Clarke shook her head, and smiled at them. She spoke softly, running a thumb over Lexa’s cheek, “Babe, I wouldn’t be in this shape if I would have slept instead of being pulled from sleep by our girls being teenagers.”

Lexa shook their head. “Would having boys be easier?”

“No, babe, they would still be trying to get it wet,” Clarke laughed out.

“Ugh,” Lexa said, moving from the side of the bed to lay alongside their love. Clarke shifted so her head rested on Lexa’s chest, and her leg was resting over them. “So, you know O just blatantly lied to us, right?”

Clarke glanced up, at Lexa and nodded, as she said, “Yeah, I know. She was trying to protect Raven from your sex rage.”

Lexa inhaled sharply at Clarke’s words. They had been angry, again. Again, they were prepared to inflict harm on one of the boys. “I’m sorry,” they say.

Clarke ran her fingers over Lexa’s upper body, when a knock came from the door. Leaning up some, Clarke called out, “Come in.”

The door opened quietly and Raven entered, pulling Octavia in behind her. Once the two were in the room, they closed the door. They stood awkwardly at the room’s entrance, until Clarke waved them over, as she moved to sit upright on the bed in spite of the burning in her ass cheeks.

Lexa looked at her in concern, knowing that the position was not comfortable for her, but Clarke masked it well, so Lexa too sat up.

The girls took up positions at the foot of the bed, and Raven looked at Octavia for a minute before, she spoke.

“I did have sex with Bellamy. I am sorry that I did it with everyone home and I am sorry that we were not careful to not let anyone walk in on us. That wasn’t fair to Octavia or you guys and would have been really bad if Alexi had come in,” she stated, while looking back and forth between Lexa and Clarke.

When she started to speak again though, her eyes were locked with Lexa’s, “I really did think it through and I was ready to sleep with him. It was my choice and he was careful to make sure that I was in the right state of mind to do what we did. But Nontu, I am an adult and you can’t beat up my boyfriend for doing what you and mom were doing to at the same time. Because, yes we heard you.”

Clarke sat up straighter. “I was like silent!” she exclaimed unable to contain herself.

Raven laughed and Lexa smiled at the blonde. Lexa leaned over to the blonde and whispered quietly as they ran their hand gently over her back, “Except for that one time.” Pulling away they quirked an eyebrow at Clarke whose eyes grew and let out a soft, “Oh.”

Turning back the Raven, she said, “I tried really hard to be quiet.” This earned a smile from Raven, who had felt her pain a little while ago. Being quiet was hard sometimes.

Lexa took their turn to speak, “I know you’re an adult, and I know you both have had sex before. I just want you both to make smart and safe decisions when it comes to sex.” They shook their head slightly, and said, “I promise not to freak out about you guys and the boys again. It will be hard because you’re my babies, but I just want to protect you. But I don’t want you guys feeling like you have to lie to me protect one another, or be too afraid to come and talk with us about questions you have about sex.” They swallowed thickly, because honestly they weren’t sure if they could handle talking with them about sex. The BDSM conversation was difficult enough with Octavia.

Raven nodded, but Octavia still stared at the bed, clearly upset at having lied to them. Lexa moved away from Clarke’s side to the girl and pulled her into a hug. She melted into their arms, and choked out, “I’m sorry. But I had to protect her from you blowing up.”

Lexa pressed their lips to the girl’s hair and inhaled her scent. Smiling into the kiss, they acknowledge the girl, “I know. Just please be honest with me, okay?”

Raven moved over towards Clarke and lay her head on Clarke’s lap, who welcomed her and carefully ran her fingers through the girl’s hair. Looking up at her Mom, Raven asked, “How do you train a boy to do what you want?”

Octavia’s chokes turned to gags as she pulls away from Lexa, “No, we cannot talk about how you plan to train my brother in bed!”

Raven’s eyes flashed a smirk at Octavia, “Well you know maybe soon you will need to know how to train Lincoln, so you might as well pay attention.” But then she noticed Lexa turning grey. “You said you wanted us to be able to talk with you!” she protested.

Lexa nodded, but Clarke laughed. “Sadly, ladies, Lex is your best bet at explaining how to train someone,” she said with her own smirk at their partner, who just shake their head back at her.

“Klarke, you are untrainable, which is why your daughters swear I abuse you,” they state frankly, but then take a look at the girl in their future wife’s lap. The girl’s eyes told Lexa that the question was a real question, most likely linked to her experience today.

Taking in a deep breath, they state, “Training involves talking, Ray. You should talk with him and discuss what you like with him. Take the guessing out of it. I mean you will still explore each other, but if you want it to feel good then you have to tell him how to make it feel good.” They couldn’t believe they were giving advice about sex to their daughters. It was against everything urge coursing through them, but they had to answer the questions.

Sadly, Octavia came in with her own questions, “Since I am taking birth control, do we have to use a condom? I mean, I should be protected and I know that Lincoln is a virgin so we are safe, since Mom made me get an STD test a while ago.”

Clarke saved Lexa, by interjecting.

“Yes, you need to still use a condom, because it just protects you further from the possibility of pregnancy, plus any accident in case you forget your pill. Remember that that sperm can last in your body for a few days, so if you forget the pill then you still have a possibility of getting pregnant. And I don’t want to be a grandmother before I’m thirty.”

When she looked down at Raven, she saw the blush and shame cross her face, and she realized the girl did not use protection again. Running her hand through the girl’s hair, she said, “I will pick you up some condoms tomorrow. But Bellamy should be taking care of himself as well. If he is responsible enough to put it in you, then he should be smart enough to wrap it up first.”

Raven nodded and turned her head into Clarke’s stomach, embarrassed that they were having this conversation after she had already had one pregnancy scare.

Clarke met Lexa’s eyes, who was watching the conversation between her and Raven. They nodded in approval of her words. They turned to Octavia, “Have you?”

But the girl shook her head, and then answered, “We have just done third base stuff. He is really gentile and keeps saying he wants the first time to be really special, so we just touch each other and like make out.”

Clarke answers for Lexa who is visibly more relaxed, but still uncomfortable, “That’s really sweet of him, O. He really cares about you and I am glad you are waiting until you both are ready.” Glancing down at Raven, she says, “and that doesn’t meant I am not happy for you. If you feel you’re ready, I am not one to tell you no. Especially since I know you have extreme self-control, and only you know when you are ready. So did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

Raven looked up at her, and said, “Yeah, it was nice. He got me off twice, but I can just tell he is use to it being just about him, but he was trying. And he is not into your guys’ kink stuff and I am happy with that because I really like being able to sit down when I feel like it.”

As the words came out of her mouth, she remembered hearing Clarke taking some form of punishment earlier and she instantly felt guilty, pulling up from her lap. Clarke smiled at her and stopped her, “You’re fine, honey. Lexa does not hurt me in the way that you understand our ‘kink’.” She even added the air quotes for her.

Octavia responded though, “You seemed like you were hurting when you were in the hallway.” And Lexa pulled away slightly, looking at each of their girls, feeling more awkward than they already did.

“Well, if I didn’t have to get up to deal with one screaming teen about the other one getting laid, then my legs would have had more recovery time from my private activities,” she explained with a challenging smirk plastered across of her face.

Raven laughed, “Well the noises coming from your lungs didn’t sound anything other than pleasurable so I’m glad we all got some stress relief then.”

Lexa looked over at Octavia, “All?”

“I may have seen my own set of stars when everyone came to hide in the house. But sand is super comfortable and I seriously need a shower now,” the girl answered sheepishly, but then continued, “That is why I walked in on them. Which btw, we are switching beds since you decided to bone my brother on my bed where I sleep with a child, you sicko!”

Clarke looked over at Lexa, who again had a greyish twinge to their skin. Reaching for their hand, they move to meet her. Clarke loved how careful Lexa was with her, when they weren’t in scene and their continuous concern for not only her well-being but that of their girls.

 Looking at her girls, she asked, “Anything else, ladies?”

The girls shook their heads, so Clarke responded innocently with, “Then go make dinner, since you scared the shit out of us.”

“Oh my god, you are making us slaves again,” Octavia called out, folding her arms over her chest, as though she was refusing to move, but as usual Raven was there to protect her parent’s alone time by pulling the firey girl from the room. Calling back, “We got this. We’ll bring you dinner once it’s ready!” before shutting the door and the sounds of the whining girl out.

Clarke eased her way down the bed, taking the pressure off her ass. Lexa grabbed the salve from the side of the bed, and pulled Clarke’s panties down to apply another layer to her sore skin. The finger marks prominently displayed across her pale skin, and Lexa questioned for the second time today if they were too harsh with her. But the throaty hum of desire vibrating from the blonde’s voice called to Lexa’s inner desire and they felt heat rising and flooding their body.

Leaning down, they a nip at Clarke’s earlobe before saying, “Prisa, if you keep that up, I may not be able to contain myself.”

And was excited to receive a louder, more prominent moan from the woman at their side, clearly begging for Lexa’s command again. With a smooth hand, they pull Clarke into them and bury their face into her soft hair.

“Prisa, are you asking for me to do ‘kink stuff’?” they inquire as they move a hand up to Clarke’s breast. And just as they are about to twist the perked pink nipple, Clarke burst into laugher and squirmed right out of Lexa’s arms. Leaving them lying there with open arms and a bewildered expression.

The blonde lay a few feet away from them still laughing. “You cannot repeat the words of our daughter and expect to get some, Lex,” she declared, still laughing. Then she added, “Kink stuff! You’re ridiculous.”

They shut their mouth, as they watched Clarke move from the bed slowly and into the bathroom. The sound of her urinating, killed the already deteriorating mood and they lay back on their bed. A small smile curling at the corners of their lips, they to laughed.

Kink stuff? Seriously, they had better game than that.


	66. Chapter 66

**~Lexa~**

Lexa and Ryder sat on dock, each with a fishing pole in hand, waiting for a trout to bite. They had a bet over who would catch the most fish, both claiming to be the superior fisherman. Loser would gut, scale, and fillet the fish for dinner that night.

Thus far, they had caught nothing. Not a single bite. Nothing to boast about, and the silence encompassed them in their own world. Lexa glanced to their left and couldn’t help but feel like they were ten years old again, looking at their big brother. It was crazy how so much had changed and yet so little at the same time.

Lexa didn’t break the silence, rather enjoyed reminiscing their lost childhood. The forest was the only sounds that surrounded them. The boys had gone on a hike, while the girls had left to go dress shopping for the wedding.

The wedding that was in two weeks.

The wedding that Lexa had sprung on Clarke as a contingency of Raven’s adoption.

Guilt still ate at them for stealing away their Prisa’s dream wedding, but Clarke had realized just as they had that Raven’s sense of security and happiness was more important that a wedding that would cost more than half of what Lexa made in a year.

While the water sloshed along the shore and tapped lightly against the dock, they wondered how marriage would change their relationship with Clarke. They hoped she would stop worrying they would just leave. They hoped that she would share with them financial responsibilities, and possibly even give them insight into how she afforded to house, feed and spoil a family of now six, because like it or not they now had sons with daughters.

Scratch sons. They had son-in-laws.

Lexa could handle that better, since Clarke was forcing them to accept the girls unwillingness to maintain celibate for the rest of their lives. They chewed on their lip considering the reality that they really had no place to ask that of them since they were ready to bed Clarke after their first date. They are not even sure how they managed not to sleep together while in Flagstaff, keeping all contact to above clothes and just heavy petting.

 _But they’re babies!_ The voice within reminded them, but they knew the girls were not. They were less than half their age, and if they wanted to have sex Clarke was right they were going to. Their behavior what just making it so the girls would never come to them if they needed something like advice, or the pill, or condoms. And Lexa knew they needed that safety.

Ryder clearing his throat pulled Lexa from their self-analysis. They felt his eyes on them, and so they spoke, hoping not to have to share the thoughts running through their head.

“So… will you tell me the major plot line of Clarke’s book,” they ask, not looking that the man that started to laugh rather loudly, and rudely next to them. Taking a side glance, they saw him thoroughly enjoying the awkward position that Lexa was in.

“Why don’t you just read her book?” he asks, after clearly scaring all of the fish away from them.

Lexa reeling in their line and recasts. They had intentionally avoided reading Clarke’s book. Not because they weren’t proud of her. They knew she was an excellent writer, after all that was the reason they first got acquainted. But they worried, about having to talk with Clarke about the book. “It’s just-“ they began, but didn’t finish because Ryder completed the sentence for them.

“-what if you don’t like it and you have to tell her,” he says, with a knowing smile. He wrapped and arm around his younger sibling and pulled them into him. “Lex., Clarke is talented. Like seriously has a gift there, to the point I don’t know why she doesn’t stay home and just write. You won’t have to tell her that it sucks, I promise.”

Lexa nodded, still staring at the water. They just needed to read the book, that was all that there was too it. “Thanks,” they whisper.

Ryder tightens his grip around them, as he speaks again, “Ya know, I don’t know how you managed to land Clarke-fucking-Griffin. She is hot as hell, completely got her shit together, and wants to run around and save the world. But you, you’re just so stiff. Loosen up, Lexa.” And he shakes them a little.

Lexa pulls from his arms, and glares at him with squinted eyes. Finally, they relax a little, and say, “I’m good in bed.” And they watch as his mouth drops open and he turns slowly with a look of sheer horror etched into his face at being told from their younger sibling about their prowess in bed.

With a slight shift of their eyebrows, a smirk crawled up their lips, and they owned the moment. Because Ryder, their older brother that was the perfect son, was jealous of their future wife. Because fuck yeah, they landed Clarke Griffin. And the pride radiated from Lexa as they reeled in the line was undeniable, because Ryder was still staring at them, but the look was being replaced with one of aw.

Lexa looked over at him and smiled, moving their butt a little on the dock. The little dance was interrupted though, by a firm hand on their back, and then the realization that they were indeed flying towards the water, and within a moment their body was in the water and they were swimming to break the surface.

Taking a deep breath, they pushed their heavy hair from their face and glared as they treaded the water to keep afloat.

“What the fuck, Ryder!” they growled at the man that was laughing fully again. His bright green eyes met theirs and he extended a hand down to help them back on the dock. When their hands locked around each other’s forearm, he stated, “Your head was so huge, I just had to see if you would immediately float.”

What he didn’t expect, was for Lexa to have more leverage from below than he had from above. He also didn’t take into account that while Lexa was significantly smaller than he was, they definitely had gravity working on their side. So, Ryder without a doubt ended up falling forward instead of pulling his younger sibling back up. He definitely hit the water hard and was held under for a few moments by the strong and agile body in acting revenge, yelling out, “You said I needed to loose up!”

When they allowed him to break the surface, he came up with his own fury, and quickly had his hands over their head and pushed them below the surface saying, “I’ll just have to murder you here, lex, and run off with your bride to be!”

Lexa broke free of his grip, after they landed a strong jab to his stomach, pulling his hands form their head. Surfacing, they coughed as he coughed, and then they laughed a little together. They had yet to really have a moment since they were back in each other’s lives. But they were here, play fighting over a girl that Lexa had and Ryder could only dream of. And it was okay. They were okay.

Lexa reached over, grabbed onto Ryder’s shoulders, and hugged their brother. Their first hug in over eleven years. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms around the person he had thought he lost, and when he found he couldn’t recognize. But Alexandria was right there, and still the same playful ass they had been as a child.

Their moment was interrupted by the car full of Griffin women and Lexi pulling into the drive way, and a blonde blur move from the passenger seat into the house. Before, Clarke even made it to the door, another brunette bolted from the backseat of the car followed by the smallest of the females, chasing after the blur of blonde. Octavia’s distinct voice called our, “It’s going to be okay, Mom. We’ll find you a dress.”

**~Raven~**

Raven shifted positions on the hard bench for possibly the fiftieth time, since they all had arrived at the dress shop. She was pretty sure, at this point Clarke had tried on every fluffy white dress in the store, and she was becoming more withdrawn with each new lacing. Octavia had explained earlier that this was going to be painful, because they had spent weeks searching for Clarke’s dress, until she put it on and was the sadness fell from her eyes.

 _The_ dress now hung in Abby closet, tucked far away. Clarke hadn’t been able to part with it when she found out about Finn and Raven, but she needed it out of the house. Removing the reminder of what she lost, had helped some, but now standing in the dress shop, Raven could tell that her soon to be mom was looking for _that_ dress.

Clarek exited the small dressing room, and walked to the small block that would pull her from the ground a few inches, so the bottom of the dress could be pulled out. Clarke was small in the height category, so all of the dresses at the consignment store were too large in length for her. Raven watched as she looked the dress up and down, playing with the gaudy white roses that were decorating the down the skirt of the dress, before silently shaking her head for maybe the twentieth time today.

She moved back into the dressing room, and Abby sent both girls a worried look. Raven felt uneasy, not understanding why the wedding had all of a sudden been planned and needed to be executed so quickly. Weren’t weddings supposed to take like months to plan? But here they were. Planning a small family wedding for two weeks out, and Clarke looked miserable.

From what she knew about the previous wedding plans that Octavia had shared with her, was that Clarke was fairytale wedding crazy, and had several times turned into Bridezilla, wanting all of the details perfect. Looking at the saddened face, Raven wondered what it would take to make her mom happy.

Clarke did not come back from the dressing room in another dress. Instead she was dressed in her Miss Me jeans and a white tank top, and she had her white and blue Coach purse in hand moving out to the Prius  quickly.

Alexi was the only one to speak, as all of the females followed Clarke out of the building and piled into their designated places in the car. Her little voice was soft and filled with confusion, as she asked, “Auntie Clarke, why are you so sad? You looked so prity in all of those dresses. You’re like a princess.“

Raven smiled at the description, because Clarke did look like a princess. But she could tell Clarke did not feel like a princess right now. She watched as Abby’s hand moved from the steering wheel to her daughter’s arm, as Clarke was trying to hold in her emotions. But Raven knew that Clarke did not have the same withholding skill that Lexa and she were capable.

Abby got them home quickly, and Clarke was out of the car before Abby had even put the car into park. Octavia and Alexi chased after her, but Raven didn’t know how to help so she hung back. She noticed Ryder and Lexa pulling themselves from the lake onto the dock, completely drenched and part of her wished that she would have stayed with them today. Dress shopping was definitely not her thing and they looked to have had far more fun than sitting in the store surrounded by far too much white fabric.

“Raven, what’s going on?” Lexa asked, pulling off their tank top to show their intense abdominal muscles that ripple down their torso. Raven almost was unable to answer, because _how the fuck did they do that?_

“Raven,” and there was a snap by her ear, pulling her attention back to Lexa’s face and away from the abs that for some reason she kind of wanted to touch. Not in a weird lustful way, but in a I don’t think it is possible for this to be real sort of way.

Meeting Lexa’s eyes, she says, “Huge dress drama. Apparently when you get married there is like _the_ dress, but that dress is already back home buried in Abby’s closet. So Clarke is having a mini melt down, because she can’t find another _the_ dress. And this is really weird, because its like she didn’t realize she was going to be getting married so soon and everything about the wedding brings this like sadness to her eyes-“ and she stopped talking because she saw that sadness sulking in Lexa’s eyes as well.

Looking up to the trees, Lexa broke their eye contact. And that was when Raven realized there was moret o the story than anyone was giving her. Folding her arms over her chest, she put more weight on her back foot, and glared at her Nontu. “What the fuck is going on? You’re not telling me something.”

And she hears Lexa’s deep exhale, then watched as they reached their hands behind their head refusing to look down. _This really is not good and it seems like it is my fault_.

“Just tell me,” she said louder this time.

Lexa looked at her, and there was the sadness again. They started, “Raven, I –“ but they paused. They turned to the side and looked at the water, and tried to speak again, “I screwed up. I was su-“ but they stopped again.

“Seriously, just spit it the fuck out,” she said harshly, fear rising within her.

“I brought up the adoption before I should I. You were so excited that you could go back to school and we could get your adoption finalized before the fall semester started. But in order for us to adopt you, we have to be married,” they say, and Raven realizes now that this was her fault. She was the reason that Clarke wasn’t getting her fairytale wedding. Twice. She had fucked up Clarke’s happily ever after twice now.

“Fuck!” she screamed, and walked to the water’s edge, wondering if it was possible to just walk into the water and drown, right there.

Lexa’s arms were around her middle though, and their head an on her shoulder. They said softly, “This isn’t your fault, Raven. She want to adopt you and get you back in school just as much as I do. But I didn’t tell her. She didn’t know until we were driving up here. I screwed up badly. I’m sorry, kid.” Raven felt their arms tighten.

“I ruined her wedding twice, Nontu,” she chokes out. “She has done nothing but give and give to me, and I verbally assault her, lie to her, and repeatedly fuck up her special day.”

Lexa’s turning her around, and holding her as she starts to break down. “No, Raven. You are everything she wants in a daughter. She loves you just as much as she loves O and a day is not going to stand in the way of this.”

Raven’s tear streaked face looks up at Lexa, and she questions, “I want her to be happy. I want her to get her day. She deserves it. I can wa-“ but she is shaken a little, and she stops speaking.

“No, Raven. You are far more important to us that a day that we make our happiness a legal binding agreement,” they say, their eyes stern and serious. “You and Octavia are the most important parts of our lives. Being a parent means putting your children first.”

Raven bit her lip, looking at Lexa. Absorbing the words and wondering if it was true. If that was what being a parent was about, because her mother had always put her next hit first. She released her lip, ans said, “I have an idea.”

**~Lexa~**

They were in the Audi, driving down the mountain with Raven as their shot guy and Lincoln snoring softly in the backseat. Raven’s idea was by Lexa’s standards ingenious. They knew that some may feel that wearing a dress to a wedding that was purchased with the intention of marrying someone else would be a bad omen, but Lexa didn’t get a flying fuck about any of it.

Lexa cared that they were going to marry the girl of their dreams, because Ryder was right. They landed Clarke-fucking-Griffin. Their brother should be jealous, because they had caught a falling star from the heavens that had secret packs with the sun to burn bright and warm.

She was _the_ one.

And if there was _the dress_ , then Lexa would get it for her. Even if it meant making an eight hour drive to Phoenix and back in one day, to bring a smile to her face. Raven was there to help with the driving; Lincoln was really there so that he couldn’t sneak away with Octavia while Clarke was napping after crying all of her tears out and apologizing to Lexa for being ridiculous about a silly dress. But they wouldn’t tell Lincoln that; no they told him he was coming to help Raven get the dress in the car without Lexa seeing it first. Which, he bought and got in the car without question. Lexa kind of wondered how the boy didn’t get kidnapped as a child for being so trusting, which then made them feel bad for lying to him. But damn it, they wanted to keep his pecker out of their baby.

They were almost home, and the conversation had faded to silence with the music playing softly in the background.  Raven was clearly deep in thought, and Lexa didn’t want to interrupt her meanderings. So they kept their attention on the road.

When they pulled onto the street, and into the driveway, Lexa saw the older gentleman that lived in the house just across the street pounding in the hung L-shaped sign. Looking over, they noticed that Raven was already out of the car and making her way into the house.

Lexa got out of the car, and smiled at the man. _What was his name? Johnson? Jameson? No… Shit._ They walked across the street and gently waved as they said, “Good evening!”

“Lexa, hello to you!” the neighbor responded enthusiastically, holding out a weathered hand. _Jerrikson!_ It came to them. Lexa took the hand and shook it firmly, appreciating the warmth from the man.

“Are you leaving us?” Lexa asked, with a hint of sorrow in their voice. They had liked the man and his wife, even if they couldn’t remember his name right away.

“Yes, the house is just too much for us now. Five bedroom, plus the back house. Just a lot of house to take care of and without the kids here anymore, we just don’t need a place this big,” he explained, moving his hand to Lexa’s shoulder in a fatherly embrace as they both turned to look at the house that was clearly bigger than Clarke’s with a large wrap around porch that Clarke always drooled over.

“Five bedrooms?” Lexa asked, wondering if they had heard correctly.

The man smiled at them, and reaffirmed that yes, there were indeed five bedrooms, plus a guest house that was above the garage further in the lot. Lexa met his eye, and they could tell that he was definitely on their page. So they took a chance, “You know, we are literally busting at the seams, with the Bell home for the summer, and Lincoln’s mom overseas. Three bedrooms are just not enough for us anymore.”

Jerrikson smiled and nodded, “Want to take a look inside?” And Lexa accepted, hoping that maybe if it was what they needed, they could get Clarke to let go of the smaller house and they could enter their next life together in a new home together.

They barely made it onto the porch, when Raven and Lincoln were at their heels, telling them that the dress was loaded and they were ready to go. Lexa nodded to them and turned back to Jerrikson, “May they come too?”

He smiled and waved to them, “Of course. If this works out, they’ll be living here too.” Lexa watched the confused looks hit the teens, but then they took in the huge porch and smiled.

“Momma G would love this porch,” Lincoln says, rubbing the railing, and then moved to follow them all into the house.     

Once inside, they take in the front formal living room, and off to the other side, there is an office, with built in bookcases lining the walls. Lexa pointed to the room and asked, “Is that one of the bedrooms?”

But Jerrikson shook his head and pointed to two hallways just beyond the two rooms. “There are three bedrooms down that hall, and the other hall leads to the master and another bedroom,” he explained, as he led them into the huge great room at the back of the house meeting the family room, dining room and kitchen. Through the back rooms, Lexa could see the back part of the lot where a pool was located along with a yard. The lot was larger than Clarke’s.

“How much?” Lexa asked, turning back to Jerrikson.

 He didn’t answer their question, just asked, “Are you interested?”

Lexa looked around the kitchen and could see Clarke there rolling out pizzas on Wednesday nights. The thought brought a smile to their face, and they turned back to him, “I have to speak with Clarke first, but yes, I think we are interested. It has the room we need for all the kids-“

“And kids to come,” Raven butt in, with a smile, that Lexa returned.

Jerrikson reached over and took Lexa’s hand, “Let’s talk when your family gets back from vacation. We can sit down then. Dorothy and I are not in a hurry to leave right away, just looking for a change.”

“Thank you, sir. I know that we have spoken of a bigger place, but Clarke is very attached to her house so it may take some convincing,” they said honestly.

“No worries, Lexa. You’ll be back in a few weeks right?” he asked as they all made their way back out to the front of the house. Standing on the porch, Lexa looked around and over at the place that the family came together.

“Yes, end of the month,” they answered.

Jerrikson pointed to Lincoln, “Son, you want to go pull that sign up. We can wait for Clarke to come back and take a look around before we sell her.” And without waiting for Lexa to protest, Lincoln jogged to the sign and pulled it from the ground and carried back to the side fo the house.

Lexa looked up into the kind brown eyes staring back at them, they say, “Thank you, sir. This means a lot to me.”

He smiles warmly, and places a hand on their shoulder, as he speaks to them like he would his own child, “You two do nothing but good things for people. You deserve a chance to have a home that can help you just do more good.”

Lexa wiped at their eye,  and nodded to the man. He released them, and Raven hugged him quickly before following Lexa back to the car. As they were all about the pile in, Jerrikson called out, “And tell Clarke that Orion is doing fine. I was over there spending some time with him today.”

“Thank you!” Lexa said with a large toothy grin, and Raven waved back to him down the street as they drove away, making their way back to their family. When Raven was tired of waving, she shifted in her seat to face Lexa.

“So, Nontu, are we getting a new house that had bedrooms far away so we don’t have to here you defiling Mom on a nightly basis?” she spoke quickly and animatedly, that pulled a deep throaty laugh from Lexa.

“I don’t know, Raven,” they say, but then add, “don’t tell her yet. Please let me have that conversation with her. You know how she is about making decisions and she will be pissed if she thinks I am making a decision as huge as this without her.” Raven nodded with a huge smile and reaches back, hitting Lincoln in the knee, who also agreed to keep his mouth shut. Which Lexa figured was not a huge issue, since really the boy didn’t speak often. 

Lexa watched in the rearview mirror, as Lincoln  returned his focus back to his phone, and she was sure he was texting Octavia and letting her know they were on their way back.

“How are you doing, Lincoln?” Lexa asked suddenly. They didn’t expect the question to come out, but it fell from their lips easily. He looked up from his phone to catch their eye in the mirror.

They could see the depth in his eyes, and his jaw was locked. He said, “I’m okay. Mom being gone is tough. I always worry that she won’t come back.” Lexa swallowed and remembered having those fears when their father was deployed. Raven reached back and took Lincoln’s hand.  With the touch, he seems to get a little more comfortable, and continued, “She can’t call out often, and so we usually have a schedule for when we will get to speak to each other again. But she missed our last Skype session. And I just always… ya know?”

“Yes, Linc. I know,” Lexa answers. They are not sure why, but they tell him, “No matter what, you always have a place in our home. With O or not, though I have a feeling that I will be forced to help pay for that wedding sooner than I would like.”

The boy smiled back at them, and nodded, “I’m going to marry her someday. Not yet. Not when we graduate. But someday.”

“You both are gross,” Raven says withdrawing her hand. “Everyone running to get married. I just want to enjoy my life. Get an awesome career that does not involve a bunch of _pinche_ douche bags staring at my ass.”

Lincoln asked, “You haven’t thought about Bell like that?” It was an honest question, and Lexa wondered if Bellamy was someone Raven saw in her long term future.

She shrugged her shoulders and said, “Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I mean he’s awesome but I am too young to even think about marriage, which means so are you,” she says looking back at Lincoln.

He shakes his head at her though, and with complete and utter confidence, he stated, “I have known since I was fourteen years old that I was going to marry Octavia Blake.”

And something in Lexa shifted, because they knew that feeling. That knowing when they saw Clarke for the first time, that she was it. The only one that they could see themselves with. And they realized that when they were younger, they hadn’t known that about Costia. They were fascinated yes, and they enjoyed the comfort of the brunette. But with Clarke things were not just comfortable. They were messy, and complicated, and unique. Nothing was like anything else they had ever known.

Clarke was it. At twenty-seven years old they looked across the room of the Griffin house and laid eyes on the blonde, and knew that Clarke Griffin was it for them.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke awoke from her nap late in the evening to find Lexa, Raven and Lincoln gone. Bellamy and Ryder had taken off somewhere, while Abby was on the phone, talking to someone. Clarke realized that she hadn’t really spoke with her mother in a while and wondered how she was holding up with all of the changes in her life. She wanted to ask, but Abby was in a depth conversation with whoever was on the other line, so she realized now was not the time.

Making her way down the stairs, she moved into the large open space and found her younger daughter and future niece in the large living area, singing to _Princess and the Frog_. The younger girl, sat cross legged between Octavia’s legs, while the older girl practiced the braids that Lexa had taught her. As she came alongside the couch, Clarke could see Alexi a little more clearly and watched as the girl too was practicing braiding, but on her dolls head.

The bonding moment between the girls, warmed Clarke’s heart. She worried about how Octavia would handle a younger child in her life. She was always the youngest and really enjoyed her spot there. But Lexa wanted children, little children. And to be honest, she wanted little children as well. So it was nice to know that her baby would not be as opposed as she initially feared.

“Hey babies,” she said softly not to scare the two girls. Octavia turned her head to Clarke, and Clarke had to stifle her laughter, as she took in the sparkly blue eye shadow that backed her daughter’s eyes, and extended up to her eyebrows. The rogue on her cheekbones was uneven and clearly  applied by inexperienced hands.

Alexi smiled proudly at Clarke and said, “Ocktevia let me do her make-up.” Her excitement was ever present and she was clearly proud of her accomplishment. Clarke was not sure if she thought the make-up looked good, or that she got Octavia to sit there through the whole thing and wear it the rest of the night.

“I can see that, honey,” she said smiling at Octavia, who rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. Clarke couldn’t help herself, moving behind the couch and pulling her girl’s head back so that she could plant a kiss on the unmarked forehead.

“She had fun,” was all she said, before turning back to the movie. Clarke rolled over the back of the couch, and found a spot next to Octavia, watching the girls nimble fingers pull the other’s brown locks into tight braids that were being intricately connected to one another at the back of her head.

“Where is everyone?” Clarke asked, but as she spoke she heard a car pull into the drive way, and the laugher of Raven and Lincoln echoing off exterior walls. All of the girls in the living room, jumped from the floor and ran out to greet the returning family members.

Lincoln grabbed Octavia as she sailed into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Clarke noticed that he didn’t say a word about the state of her face, just planted a gentle kiss to her lips. Clarke swore she heard the boy say, “I missed you,” and she was happy for her baby girl.

She looked over at Lexa who was getting out the car stretching their legs. Moving faster, she approached her fiancé, and wrapped her arms around them resting her head against Lexa’s. “Hey Commander,” she says softly. She sees Lexa’s eyes flash with lust for a moment, and then they return their ever perfect mask to their face.

“Prisa, I have a present for you, courtesy of your older daughter,” they say with a hint of a smile in their tone. Raven is at their side after a moment, with Alexi balanced on one boney hip.

Looking over at her daughter, Clarke feels Lexa’s lips make contact with her temple and she smiles into the kiss. “You didn’t have to get me anything,” Clarke tells the girl, who looks very serious and shakes her head.

“I didn’t buy you anything. I just talked Nontu into driving me to pick you up something,” and she turned away from Clarke and walked to the back of the car with the little girl. Lexa gave her a little push and in that direction, but didn’t move from their spot.

Clarke took the hint and walked around the back of the car. Even in the dark forest light, she could see the billowy white gown with blue stones that ran across the bodice and down into intricate embroidered swirls that made up the bottom of the dress. Clarke’s breath was lost as she turned to Raven, trying to come up with something to say, “How did… But… I don’t think I can-“

 “Its our wedding day, Clarke,” Lexa says from the side of the car, clearly not looking within. ”You should wear the dress of your dreams.”

And then Raven took over, “Octavia said that you cried when you put this dress on, not because you were sad or miserable, but because you said it was _the dress_. The only dress that made you feel like a princess. And I won’t let me getting adopted ruin your chance to have your fairytale, Mom. You deserve it.”

Clarke pulled the girl with the child on her hip into her and cried for the second time today, but this time tears of joy. After a few moments, she pulled back and said, “Raven, I already got my fairytale. I got my one true love. I got the two most intelligent and beautiful daughters. Dashing and kind sons. What more can a girl ask for?”

But Lexa had an answer to that after seeing Lincoln holding Octavia on the front of their precious car with their daughter’s tongue down his throat. And they let it be heard, loudly. Really loudly. Loudly to the point that Lincoln jumped from Octavia’s grip and the girl fell backwards on the hood.

“No grandkids before we are thrity-five. That is what else she can ask for!”


	67. Chapter 67

**~Lexa~**

Only one week was left until the wedding. The girl’s dresses were at the seamstress getting altered and the boy’s suits were purchased. Clarke had called the close friends and family, letting them know of the date and time of the wedding. Really all that was left, was for Lexa to decide what to wear, and they had put it off until the day before they are all supposed to leave for the three day overnight hiking trip, that they had been planning.

Presently they were standing in the small tuxedo store with Raven and Octavia moving around the store, picking out various options. But everything was just too dude-like for them. Yes, they weren’t a woman, but they enjoyed the tight feeling of the jeans they wore, and they really wanted to find that type of feel. But this was a men’s shop, and everything was built for the cock they didn’t have.

Octavia held up a pair of white bootcut pants, and Lexa shook their head. This was going to be impossible, and they were beginning to understand Clarke’s frustration with dress shopping. They wanted to take her breath away. And there was no way a tuxedo that awkwardly covered their sharp edges would do that.

“This isn’t working,” they say to the two girls that were still searching for something.

Octavia moved over to them and appraised the pants and button up, they wore in the mirror. The shirt was too big, because of the needed room for their bust. While the pants just hung at the minimal hips they had. The younger girl shook her head, and tugged at the pants.

 “These are just not right,” she said. But with a soft smile, she added, “But don’t worry, Nontu, we’ll find the perfect outfit.”

Raven joined them, but stood opposite of them, and asked, “What do you want to wear? I mean we all know that you don’t wear anything that isn’t skin tight across your ass.” The comment made Lexa smile, because really the girl got them.

Thinking for a second, they looked up at the girls and said, “I would really like white pants, which yes are tight. Blue button down and white suspenders. Your mom loves suspenders.” They say and watch Raven’s grin grow, but Octavia’s mouth drop and turn to glare that the other girl. They don’t understand at first why the girls had such opposing reactions, until they see their younger daughter reach over and shove her sister that is holding her stomach laughing.

“You cheated!” she cried out louder than necessary for the small shop. Lexa moved between the girls and grabs hold of Octavia’s arms. “You used your manipulative super power to tell them that they only want to wear tight clothes. I am not paying you!”

Lexa realized that they girls had placed a bet on their attire and it made them want to laugh a little. They held onto the violent girl, and said, “Calm yourself Octavia.” When the girl stopped struggling, and Raven’s laughs turned to soft chuckle, Lexa spoke to both girls, “You bet on me. What kind of daughters are you?” But even they had a hard time not smiling.

“it was just a Starbucks, but yeah I said you were going to wanna wear skinny jeans and suspenders, but O swore that you would choose something more traditional,” Raven explained, looking not ashamed at all for having won the bet.

“I’m not paying. You set me up!” Octavia called from behind Lexa, still irritated at having lost. Lexa enjoyed the competitive streak that ran through the girl, but seriously she lost an overpriced drink so the reaction was a little excessive. Lexa was about to say something else, when the girl pushed past them and out the door.

“Why is she that upset?”

Raven shrugged not bothering to meet Lexa’s eyes, and said, “She’s Octavia. The girl hates to lose.”

Looking at the Raven with a questioned look, Lexa redirected their question, “What is she upset about, really?”

Raven looked at Lexa solemnly, judging how to answer, but she couldn’t deny her parent the information that they sought, so she explained, “She was hoping to prove she knew you better. She wanted to feel closer to you. I won. I know you better. So she’s pissed, because to her it means that you will love me more.”

Nodding to Raven that they understood, they stepped into the dressing room, and changed into their clothes. Gazing in the mirror, they looked at themself, wondering what it will take to get that kid to know they love her and that she doesn’t have to compete for their attention.

**~Octavia~**

Octavia had walked a ways down the small mountain strip. If she was home, it would have taken her all of five minutes to locate a store that would have exactly what Lexa had just described. And damn it she wanted to be the one to find them their ideal wedding outfit, since Raven managed to make Clarke’s day by getting Lexa to take her down to pick up the dress.

She stood outside of the small shop, looking within with her hands cupped around her eyes and nose pressed against the glass searching. It was honestly just a small clothing shop for teens, but the first thing she noticed was the white skinny pants on a mannequin towards the back of the wall. _Maybe._

Entering the store, she hoped that the material was not jeans, because Clarke had put her foot literally down in a tantrum when everyone suggested that Lexa and the boys wear jeans. With her crimson anger face, the subject was quickly dropped and Lexa learned that they would for sure be wearing white bottoms of some sort and a royal blue top that matched the details in Clarke’s dress. Lexa had looked a little defeated, but Octavia knew they were going to give her mom anything she wanted in order to appease her giving up the huge wedding she had dreamed of since childhood.

She felt the material, not jeans. That was a start. Flipping through the rack, she pulled out Lexa’s size and held them up in triumph.

As she moved towards the register, the tiny bell hanging just inside of the door jingled, and Octavia saw Lexa and Raven enter the store. Looking at Raven, her scowl returned. _Bitch has to steal all the fucking glory all the time._

Lexa met her just in front of the register, and she held out the pants. Lexa held them up and smiled. Octavia knew that they were something Lexa would wear, but she added for emphasis, “And they’re not jeans.” The statement pulled a laugh from all of them, remember how Clarke’s rage that evening could have killed them all, if her eyes possessed a similar capability of a lightsaber.

“Perfect,” was all Lexa said, and they smiled at the woman who took the pants from them at the register and then ran their card.

It didn’t take them long to locate the blue button up, and Octavia found the suspenders buried deep in rack in the men’s section. Overall the day was successful, but honestly trying. Before they made their way back the cabin, Lexa pulled them into the small Starbucks drive-thru, where Octavia paid up on her lost bet, begrudgingly to Raven; the teen still claiming that the other one cheated.

~~~~~

It was late in the evening that Octavia and Lincoln found themselves walking through the dense trees following the well-made path, with flashlights. They had left after Ryder had taken Alexi to a movie for their weekly Daddy-Daughter Date, and Abby had taken herself out to dinner, claiming she needed to escape the chaos of being within a house with so many people for just a long period of time. Lexa and Clarke had snuck up to bed early to probably whip each other or something, because a huge package had arrived for Lexa early that day, and when Raven and her were inspecting it, Lexa ran to it and acted as though they needed to protect it with their life.

Raven and Bellamy had been a little more subtle and waited until there was definite bed movement coming from within the parental units room before they too barricaded themselves within the boy’s room. Octavia hadn’t realized that was what they were doing, and she had the pleasure of walking in on them a second time. But this time she didn’t scream as she took in Raven’s shocked face, and fully exposed front, minus the arm that she used to block the girl’s view of her nipples and the other hand holding tightly onto the hair Octavia’s brother where his face was pressed against the apex of her thighs. With a silent, lipped “sorry,” she closed the door softly behind her and left them to their own devices.

She hadn’t really been alone with Lincoln since before they had left Phoenix, and every member of the family had managed thus far to cockblock her. She wanted to experience Lincoln, but he was being so careful with her, that sometime it drove her crazy. Sometimes, she wanted to tie his hands to the bed, lower herself down onto him and full experience, what she had only tasted so far.  

As she considered that very idea, she wondered if they lived like Clarke and Lexa, would she be a dom or a sub. After her irritating morning, she wondered if that was a connection she had with Lexa. If she was dominant like them. She found the role reversal interesting, since Clarke never gave anyone control. Octavia realized that she could never picture Lincoln taking control like that, and it made her wonder if he would be more submissive to her. If maybe she took control, then he would stop denying her.

Lincoln had been talking this whole time, and Octavia realized that she had missed probably a really important conversation, because he had stopped in front of her with a furrowed brow and painful eyes.

“Where are you?” he asked, placing a hand along her jaw as she looked up at him.

She tilted her head into the touch, and her mind took a dark turn, as it does in moments when she questions his feelings towards her.

  _He doesn’t want to lose his virginity to you because you were a whore._ The internal berating was nothing new, but it didn’t hurt any less either. She considered again, pressing against him and taking control. But the voice echoed, _if you force him, it just proves how much of a slut you are._

And the words begin to break her down, so that she steps away and looks up at him. Aqua eyes taking on a new hue in the filtered moon light.

“Do you not want to have sex with me because of everything that happened?” she asked, not sure why she asked it that way, but let’s face it that is really what it came down to. She had started sleeping around because of fucking Shum. Because her mother’s husband told her it was all she was good for, and the shitty part was she believed him. Thought there were plenty of people around that were more than happy to reaffirm that idea, male and female.

Octavia felt his hands on her arms, the way that he had first touched her when she was fourteen, drunk off her ass in a senior’s backyard party. The sensation took her back to that first night, as she looked at Lincoln, but didn’t see him.

_The bark was digging uncomfortably into her bare shoulders, and the November evening was cold. She should have been wearing more clothes, but the alcohol running through her system was enough to keep her warm. Along with a body of the older girl that had her pressed into the tree. She wasn’t’ sure if she actually liked girls, but this one was, from her fuzzy headed mind, attractive and very much into her._

_She had whispered sweet nothings into her ear all night, and danced with her, pressed up close. Octavia couldn’t remember her name just that her fingers were soft, unlike his, and she was being gentle; even though the bark was hurting her back. Octavia felt the girl’s lips at her throat and then her hand over the skirt, landing right on her hip bone. The same place that she had dug the thin blade through earlier that morning, releasing all the pain that he had inflicted on her the night before with the drops of crimson blood that flowed from the wound._

_She winced and tried to push the girl back some, but Octavia recognized the blown look of lust in girl’s eyes as she came back again, this time taking her hand up her skirt and running a finger over the panties that blocked her continuously sore center._

_“I need a break,” Octavia said, but the petting didn’t stop. Instead the panty line was breached and pushed aside, and the petting turned into an intrusion. She tried to pull away, as the cold finger ran over her clit._

_But the fight was weak because she had learned fighting ended in bruises and really once this girl was sedated Octavia knew she would be left alone to pull herself together. So she just held still, dug her hands into the sides of the tree and felt the brown cellulose embed under her fingernails. But she didn’t have to for long, nor did she ever feel the thrusting entrance into her sex. Because a boy from her English class was standing there holding the girl back from her._

_He was telling her to leave Octavia alone, and the girl was arguing, claiming that he needed to mind his own business, because after all, it wasn’t like she had said no. Octavia wondered if she had said no. It was a word she had given up on awhile ago, so more than likely she hadn’t._

_The tall dark boy looked at her and asked, “Do you want me to walk away or protect you?”_

_And she looked at him, her head fuzzy, and the emotions coursing through her made the lit patio in the distance tilt slightly. She started to sway when she stood up. Then she felt his hands. His hands on both her arms. They were large and calloused, but they were gentle. They were strong and they were not hurting her. And she didn’t know what to do because hands that touched her hurt her. And the tears spilled from her eyes as her stomach turned from all of the alcohol and lack of food._

_Because good girls didn’t eat a lot to stay thin. That was how they met a man to take care of them. Find a man to take care of them until they die. To take care of their daughters after they die. To teach them how to be a woman._

_Hands that touch her hurt her. But she couldn’t fight, she couldn’t stand. So she did what she was capable of, she puked. She puked all over the shoes of the boy that was holding her up._

_Here’s the thing though. He didn’t let her go. He didn’t release her to fall into her own pool of regurgitated vodka and tequila. No instead, he picked her up. He picked her up and carried her. And then she was in a bathroom, with an older woman who was even darker than the boy, holding her hair from her face. Asking who she could call. But Octavia had no one._

_No one to call except him._

_Because her brother was gone._

_Because her mother was gone._

_She was all alone, trapped in the most center ring of hell, and she was ready to be done. Except for the boy that never left her side that night. The boy that stayed with her, but did not crawl into her bed._

Lincoln remained at her side after that night. At every party, he was there to protect her as she drowns her sorrows in burning liquid down her throat. When sober, he would beg her to talk with Clarke, who had helped him sort out a lot of his feelings. But in the end it was Clarke that had come to her, after Octavia had lost her courage that afternoon that she move slowly through the classroom.

But now, her gentle souled boyfriend stood before her, trying to answer her question, but once again she hadn’t been listening. She had been remembering the first time his hands held her like this. The first time she learned that not all hands that touched her would hurt her. Some would keep her safe.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Not knowing if it would answer anything he had said, or even if he had asked her a question.

**~Lincoln~**

He really could pinpoint the moment that Octavia stopped listening to him for the second time that evening. He found it interesting that she had chosen to ask him that question, now and then slip back into her darkness, because he was taking her to the spot he had prepared for them to be alone.

The place he found where he didn’t have to worry about Lexa or Bellamy bursting through the door to slit his throat or worse cut off his dick. But in this moment, someone might as well, because Octavia was back in the past. Her eyes glassed over, and even though she is looking at him, she doesn’t see him.

It hurt his core when he sees her this way. The way the light that burns so fiery, just goes out like someone ripped the oxygen from the room. Yes, that’s what happened just a moment ago. So he doesn’t bother saying anything important, because he doubts that she can hear him. Instead he tells her that she is special, which yeah is important but not an answer to her questions.

When “I’m sorry,” falls from her lips, he knows that she is back from whatever area of purgatory she had just visited.

He held on to her the same way he held her that first night. Even though that night ended with him asleep in a chair from across the room to make sure she didn’t choke on her vomit while she slept, it had been their first night together. And Lincoln cherished it, because he was her hero that night.

Tonight, he had wanted to be Octavia’s hero again, but he didn’t know how or if he should take her to the place he had found. The place Lincoln knew she would love when he first explored it. He had left her alone quite a bit this last week, pretending to be off with her brother that really was off with Raven, doing the things that he so badly wanted to do to Octavia. But he was not them. He did not want to spend an afternoon in the garage humping each other on every available.

 Scratch that, he might want to do that later.

Right now though, he just wanted to take it slow and make their first time connecting something that was worth more than getting his pants low enough to pull out his dick.

“Octavia, I love you,” he began, hoping that she would know that nothing else but her mattered to him. “I have loved you since I first saw and I had you fill out every box on that stupid icebreaker sheet in Momma G’s class. I have wanted you every day since then.”

He watches as she takes a deep breath and swallows. Her eyes watching him as he moves away just slightly, so that he can use his arms to speak.

The low rumble of his deep voice, shakes him still. She had been with him, when his voice changed, and his muscles caught up to his height. She was with him, when his dad came home from Iraq in a box, and when Indra was deployed shortly afterwards. Octavia had seen him in his lowest moments and always been the light to pull him up.

Now, damn it, it was his turn to be her light. It was his turn to show her how special she was. He started to speak again, feeling the heat filling him within, “Octavia Blake Griffin, I am in love with you, and have wanted to spend my time making sure that you knew I love you. That there is no doubt in my love for you. I spent two years as your friend, Octavia. Two years watching the girl of my dreams go off and date other boys and a few girls, because I wanted you to know that I was safe. I wasn’t just trying to fuck you. Because Octavia, I don’t want to just fuck. I have never wanted to fuck you.”

And his arms were back on her biceps, holding her. His legs were crouched slightly so that he was at her eye level. Holding her before him, Lincoln stated, “I want to make love to you for the rest of my life, Octavia. I want to bring you up and ease you down. I want to feel you do to my dick what you do to my fingers when you reach for the stars. I want to fill you up, and just lay while within, connected in complete intimacy.”

He pauses for a minute, as he sees a tear fall from the center of her eye, but she does not move. She just listens to him. So he keeps going, “I am going to marry you some day. I am going to try to talk you into having babies that are you and me. I am going to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you, protecting you. Whatever you need or want. Your past does not define that for me.”

Octavia’s arms pull from his grip, and are wrapped around his neck before he can move. The force of her thrust forward, sends him tumbling backwards, pulling her down on top of him. The forest floor does not break his fall gently as he feels the rocks spur into his back.

But her lips are on his, and her legs have made their way to either side of his body. And her heat is pressed against the clothed appendage that was dancing to the unheard music of what Lincoln felt were angels singing. Because that kiss told him just how much she loved him.

Pushing back against her, Lincoln waited until there was some space between them. His voice was hoarse from his monologue, but he could feel the way she pressed into him when the words came out that she was turned on by it. He said, “I have something to show you.”

**~Octavia~**

Really they were only a short distance away from the hideaway that Lincoln had located. It a small cavern that from the outside really looked like a pile of boulders. However, upon closer inspection, Octavia noticed how the rocks seemed to create a concealed passage. She followed it within, as Lincoln trailed behind her. His hand warm against her hip, barely grazing the remnants of scarring from those long ago evil nights.

She had shown him every scar, and he had kissed each, as she told him the story of why she had created it. Lincoln never made her feel ashamed for cutting. He just held her and kissed the areas of her that ached for his touch, until she was steadily breathing and relaxed, having found a new way to release the pain. Through talking with him.

When the rocks break free, she shines her light around the almost pitch back cave the size of a full bathroom. Lincoln’s hand leaves her hip, and she hears the flame, and then smells the sulfuric burning. He moves from corner to corner, each time leaving in his stead a small array of candles, until the small space was lit, and she could properly see what he had set up.

Looking to the floor, she saw the stacked pile of sleeping mats, that Lexa ad Ryder had torn the garage apart looking for because they needed them for the trip tomorrow. “I kinda of borrowed them,” Lincoln said sheepishly, looking at the floor momentarily.

Octavia smiled, noticing that he had also jacked a decent number of blankets and a few pillows as well, enough to make by the looks of it a full size bed.

Taking a step forward, she ran a hand over his bare arm. They really didn’t need to speak. He had built her a place to lay with him. A place that he could take his time with her. And she was ready for that. She was ready to be with him. Because Lexa was right, in this moment there was nothing that her parents could do to make her not want Lincoln to take her here.

His brown eyes moved up to meet hers, and she slipped out of the flannel shirt that she was using as a weak jacket. He helped her with it also, as he leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, and then wrap her arms around him again. He stood up to his full height, pulling her up and her legs around him. Once she was hooked on him, he moved to the makeshift bed and laid her down. Not shifting from her kisses. She pulled at his shirt and with a moment of disappointment he pulled his lips from her, so that she could rip it from his body, exposing his chest.

His lips moved to meet hers again, but she held her hands to his chest for a moment stopping him. When his hands were by her sides holding himself up, she pulled at the bottom of her shirt, and said, “I want to feel your skin against mine.”

He understood and carefully helped her pull off her top. As Lincoln moved to reach behind her to test the dreaded single handed bra removal, which he felt should be in an Olympic event because seriously that shit was not easy, she laughed slightly, and said, “It’s a front clasp.”

He smiled at her giggle, and at the relief he felt about making a fool of himself. However, that relief was short lived because the back of a bra hand hooks. This thing had no hooks, in fact it was like some magic puzzle that was meant to torment him.

Octavia enjoyed the puzzled expression from a moment, before she reached to the center of chest and unclasped the little plastic attachments. She watched as Lincoln’s eyes grew in awe at the simplicity of the task, but turned hungry and he swallowed as though he had walked through the desert to get to her when she pulled back the material and slid it off. Even though he had had his fingers and tongue within her, he had never actually seen her fully unclothed.

Octavia’s nipples were a rosy pink, and each perked in excitement and arousal. Lincoln’s gaze did not move from them, and he tentatively moved his hand up her side until he reached the base. He had felt these very mounds through her clothes many times before, but this was different, so he looked up. She could see the request in his eyes, rather than nodding or saying yes though, she ran her hand up the back of his head and pushed his face towards her left breast, which he took in his lips without questions. His tongue sloppily running over her nipple and then eagerly moving to the opposite side.

He was there for a while, but she felt him at the front of her shorts, pulling at the material. She felt the button pop from its hole, as he kissed his way up her chest and attaching his lips to her neck. She knew there would me a mark that could get him gutted tomorrow, but neither care. Because in that moment it was just them, and they were going to enjoy their first time.

The zipper was down next and then he was pulling the shorts down along with her panties. When they reached the base of her legs and were dropped from her feet. Lincoln sat back on his heels and appreciated the goddess before him.

Octavia could see his eyes taking in every patch of skin, every self-inflicted scar, and every mark of abuse. His eyes memorizing her naked figure, and the kindness there as he looked over her.

She held her breath, waiting for him to do something, move somewhere. But he just sat there staring at her. For what felt like eternity, Lincoln made love to her, with nothing more than his eyes, and she knew there was a possibility that her body would end up scratched onto a blank sheet of his sketch book.

When he was done, his hand moved to his pants, and he buttoned them easily, pulling them and his boxers from his body. He stood in the candle light, fully nude, where Octavia could take her turn to investigate him. She stood from the bed, and moved towards his carved form. She ran her fingers in the groves of his abs, over the lines of his back, and eventually to the dense patch of hair at the base of his shaft. She played with the harsh curls for a few moments, before it became too much for him, and he picked her up and took her back to the bed.

He lay atop her, pressing her into the mattress again. His lips hovered temporarily over hers. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he moved to go down her chest. She knew he was planning on using his tongue on her, but she had honestly had a month of that. She wanted him right now. She didn’t want to torture him with moans, as he licked her walls.

No, Octavia wanted to look into his eyes with complete awareness as she felt him push into her. A part of her wondered if it would hurt, like it did the first time. She remembered the feeling of him within her mouth, and the size of him in her hands and she knew that yes, it probably very much was going to hurt. But this was Lincoln and she knew that even in the pain, he would be soft.

She pulled at him, getting him to come back to her lips. She pressed a kiss to his bottom lip and pulled back, saying, “I want to feel you inside me.”

**~Lincoln~**

Lincoln looked at her hesitantly, and the concern was clear that he was worried about hurting her. She smiled at him, and then felt his fingers rubbing at her entrance. “You’re so wet,” he said. And she felt the single digit enter her, pulling her back from the bed, where he caught a nipple in his lips. He sucked generously, as he pushed in a second finger and pumped it into her. The thrusting pulled an intense moan from her throat, and she felt him scissoring at her entrance, spreading her. Making her ready for him.

But they both knew there was really not much he could do to get her ready for this first time. He could only hope that he would not explode as soon as he pushed within her.

“Please, Lincoln,” she begged, as he ran his finger softly over her clit. He had learned that strange little hood controlled so many different reactions that would come from her body. He rubbed it a little more, feeling her thrusts against his hand getting stronger. “Lincoln, I want to feel you.”

He knew it was time, and he moved into position above her. She spread her legs wider, to accommodate his bigger form. Running his wet hand over his cock, he felt the warm slick movements, and it twitched in his hand. Moving closer, he positioned himself where he believed her entrance to be and ran the sensitive tip within the wet folds. His eyes were on hers, and she nodded slightly. He moved to push within but stopped.

Eyes wide in horror, Lincoln’s look caused Octavia to jump slightly. He said, “I’m sorry. I forgot. I forgot to put the condom on.”

He moved from in front of her, and pulled the small packet that Clarke had shoved in his pocket just a few days before, telling him he better not get her baby pregnant. Tearing open the packet, he looked at carefully, flipping it over in his hands.

Holding it up to Octavia, he asked, “Which side goes on my dick?”

She smiles and takes it from him, thinking that the task would be simple, but it wasn’t. She had no idea which way it was supposed to go. Shrugging, she hands it back to him and says, “Just put it on.”

So he tries, and as he attempts to unroll it, the piece of shit breaks and snaps the tip of his cock. He coughs from the pain, and watches in horror as his little buddy shrinks a little. _Fuck!!! Fucking condom piece of shit!_

**~Octavia~**

She sees him turn away from her, his face red in embarrassment. Moving from the bed, she is back at his side, but he won’t turn around. Se she reaches from behind him, runs her fingers along his abs, and then downward. Once it’s in her hand, she pulls down slightly, and feels him begin to return to his full length. She kisses his back, and tells him, “I love you, Lincoln.”

Lincoln turns back to her with an apologetic expression. “I wanted to make this special,” he explains, which she knew. And by the look on his face, she realized that it was the only condom he had brought with him.

She smiled, and ran her finger along his jaw, “Bae, I’m on the pill. We’ll be okay.” He picked her up again, and they kissed as he laid her down under him for the third time on this night. Without breaking the kiss, or the hesitancy, he takes himself, aligns with her entrance, and pushes the head within her.

Octavia’s lips fall from his, and head back against the mattress as the intrusion feels like a dagger was just pushed between her thighs. It burned, but she knew if she just breathed it would ease in a second. She felt her legs relax, and then her walls.

**~Lincoln~**

As her body became less tense, Lincoln took it as his cue and pushed in the rest of his length until his dick was halted by her cervix. Again, he waited. He waited until she could look at him, which took a few very agonizing moments. Because he was inside of Octavia and he wanted to move. He wanted to pump into her, the way he imagined so many nights.

He felt her breathing even out some, and her fingers were not digging into his shoulders as much. He realized that she was ready, so he pulled out some and pushed back in. The wet heat within her, embracing him and all his glory. It felt amazing. Amazing wasn’t even a perfect enough word, but it was what he had at his disposal.

But what was better, was when he heard her whisper, “Again.”

He pulled out and pushed back in slowly. And repeated it. Again. And Again. And Again.

And it was glorious, because soon, he was not the only one moving but her hips were grinding with him, and he felt new areas of his dick being caressed by her. So he thrust within her, and then she said, “Harder.” So he pushed in deeper and faster. The momentum was building and he felt it in his belly. The coiling, like when her lips were wrapped around him and he watched her tongue dance up his shaft. But this was more, because he was within her.

And the coiling was getting tighter, and he said, “Octavia, I think I’m-“

But he didn’t get to finish his sentence because she dug her nails into him, and growled, “Not yet!”

And he couldn’t deny her, because he was fucking her. And she was asking her for more. She was begging for more, so He places her thumb on that magic spot. Even though his balance is off, he rubs for dear life putting pressure on and around it carelessly. Because it was getting harder to hold back. And then he felt it. He felt it before he heard it.

Because he did hear it, as she screamed out his name. But before the sound had hit, he felt her wall collapse around him so hard that he almost lost his breath. Which kind of did happen, since when her walls rolled in waves over his cock, he burst within her. Shaking uncontrollably as she clung to him for dear life.

Neither of them are capable of knowing how long they rolled with each other. What they know is that when the stars from within their eye lids fade, Lincoln is slightly crushing the small soft figure below him, who is still completed filled by his softened dick. She was running her fingers over his smooth back, as he pulls up, again apologizing.

“I’m sorry,” he says, but he is not sure what he is sorry for, since he feels amazing. But when he looks down and see the small amount of pool that has made it onto one of the blankets he apologizes again.

She smiles at him though, and tell him it has been a very long time. That he doesn’t need to be concerned. And he moves into her arms. She holds his head, and runs her fingers over the two inch line of hair that runs down the center his head.

**~Octavia~**

She feels his breathing even out, as he pulls from within her. Octavia can tell when he sees the blood, that she had wondered if  it would appear, since she definitely felt like she may have torn slightly at his first entrance. She tells him its okay, because she is okay.

Actually this was the first time that she really was okay after having intercourse. Because Lincoln had made their first time special. He had cared for her, and now she would care for him. As she held him, and caressed him, she told him how sweet he was. How she loved him with all of her heart.

And when he fell asleep in her arms, she realized that this is what Clarke had meant that time she explained the concept of aftercare, when she found the salve on the side of the table. She thought it was just lotion but Clarke informed her that it also helped repair damaged skin and sooth raw tissue.

With a silent chuckle, she thought to herself, _I am so the dom._


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was suppose to be the last chapter and then this shit happened. So.... I promised a happy ending. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Sorry.

**~Lexa~**

Standing at the window of barely lit day, Lexa watched as the ground became drenched from the enormous clouds overhead. Today they were supposed to set out on their camping adventure, but with the rain that definitely was not a possibility. They cast a glance back to the bed, where their future wife lay, her ruffled blonde hair spread over the pillow and her face.

Lexa smiled, wondering the same thing that Ryder had asked them a week ago. _How did I get so lucky?_

Movement outside caught in their periphery, and they turned to see their youngest daughter, being carried up to the house quietly by her giant boyfriend. There was no question that they had been out all night, and in the pit of Lexa’s turning stomach, they accepted what had happened.

Lexa watched as Lincoln set the girl down, just outside the house. His smile and joy was written undeniably across his face and in the relaxed way that he maneuvered around the girl. It was like a weight had been lifted from him. But the interesting part of the couple was not the boy, not Lexa found themself watching the girl closely, who usually bounced around. Instead, she held close to the boy-man, almost as though she were protecting him and all his muscles. Her look was soft, instead of exuberant. It was careful and serene. And Lexa knew that Octavia had chosen her moment to be with the boy and she held no regrets.

They exhaled deeply, trying to control the emotional waves within, because they did still want to run outside and castrate the boy for touching their baby.

“Why are you breathing hard?” the grumpy voice asked from the bed. When they turned, the corners of their mouth curled as they saw only one blue eye looking at them, the other clearly refusing the acknowledge that the day has begun.

They shook their head and moved back to the bed, pulling the blonde against them, and stroking her hair. Closing their eyes, they say, “Our baby just came home from spending all night with that _boy_. I am fighting the urge to remove his cock, but she seems happy and content. I just don’t like it. But I am trying not to freak.”

Clarke ran her hand gently over Lexa’s bare stomach, fingers strumming against the skin, sending warmth rushing up their chest. Feeling a little more relaxed under her touch, they confess, “And it’s raining, which means we don’t get to go camping, and I am bummed.” They felt her head shift and looked down to see her soft concerned eyes on them. “I really wanted to spend a night under the stars with you,” they say.

They kissed her head and tried to swallow their disappointment, but it was still there. They hear her groggy, I haven’t had my coffee yet voice, say, “If it let’s up we can go, baby.”

But they shake their head, because they know it will be to wet to go anywhere. Just another thing that didn’t go there way. They look down again though and see Clarke Griffin in their arms. And they realize that things did go their way though, because she was in their arms. And they were getting married in less than a week.

**~Octavia~**

Octavia quietly entered the bedroom that her and Raven shared. What she hadn’t counted on was Abby being in her bed, asleep with Alexi.  Raven was not there, which meant that she was probably getting a rude awakening by Lincoln’s return. Realizing the only empty bed, was the one that raven and Bellamy had defiled, she decided that she would slide in with Abby and Alexi, because seriously that was just wrong.

Pulling her clothes from her body and replacing them with the soft sleep shirt and shorts, she stepped quietly over the bed, laying down along the back of Abby, who was so not asleep.

“So, you going to give your mom and Lexa each a heart attack by staying out all night? Or can you promise to be more responsible in the future?” were the first words that came from the woman, as she turned her light brown eyes towards where Octavia had just laid her head. Face completely shocked, the teen looked over Abby, who  did not appear to be angry. Just there, calling her on her shit.

She nodded, not sure what else to do, but then realized that didn’t actually answer either question. So she said, “It was the first time. He wanted to make it special. We didn’t mean to be out all night, but we fell asleep afterwards.” She wondered if Abby would go back to hating her after this. She knew that it was unlikely, but loving her was new still. Hating her had been a long term thing, which Octavia decided may outweigh any sort of common ground they had come to.

As if knowing that Octavia was questioning their bond, she reached over and pulled the large teen into her chest. Stroking her hair, she said, “I understand, Octavia. But please at least tell somewhere where you are going next time.” And she felt the girl nod. Changing the subject, Abby said, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Octavia didn’t move from the hug. She considered if talking with Abby was the right thing to do, or if it would be better to just talk with Raven. She wasn’t sure if she could talk to Clarke about it without her telling Lexa, and there was no way in hell that she would ever talk with Lexa about it.

But Abby was here, and she really did want to tell someone the things she could share with Lincoln. She started with, “It hurt a lot like the first time. But he was sweet and he took his time. He followed instructions and made it until…” she paused not sure if Abby really wanted the rest of that sentence.

“You climaxed?” Abby asked.

Octavia nodded into her chest. She breathed a little easier, and listened to the younger girl on the other end of the bed snoring lightly. And then she remember the broken condom on the floor of the cave. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “Can I ask you about something Mom said?”

Feeling Abby press her lips to her head and then heard the soft “mhmmm.”

“Mom, said that sperm can live for several days inside of you. Is that true?” she asked quietly, wishing that Alexi did not chose to sneak into her bed every night.

Abby squeezed her tighter, and answered, “Yes, O, that is true. Did you not use protection?”

“I have been taking my pill, but the condom broke,” she left out that the condom broke before they started and they chose to continue and finish fully connected.

Octavia felt Abby’s chest rise higher than the rest of the times, and then the woman was wiggling out from under her, and over the top of her until she was off the bed and out the door. Octavia was trying to figure out how to react, when the woman was back in the room and crawling up the bottom of the bed towards her with a small cardboard package.

Handing it to Octavia, Abby crawled back under the covers and resumed her previous position, minus the teen’s head on her chest.

“Plan B?” the girl said, looking over the box.

Abby exhaled sharply again in slight annoyance. Then she explained, “I knew it was bound to happen to either you or your sister, who by the way is rivaling your mom and Lexa in a way that I was not sure possible. So you take the two pills, and you’re going to start your period immediately, consider that punishment for sex before you are ready to be having babies.”

Octavia wasn’t sure about the protocol for how to react when a grandmother gives you the morning after pill, so she hugged her and went back to laying on her chest.  Abby whispered, “Did you enjoy it? It is important that you enjoyed it.”

The teen smiled into her chest, “For the first time, I learned that sex doesn’t have to hurt. I mean it did hurt because well Lincoln is a big guy and I had seen his… I had seen him before, but I forgot how long it had been so it hurt at first, and it was his firs time so he was kind of all over the place. But he really cared about me and what I wanted. Even when I started ordering him around.” This brought a slight chuckle from Abby, who realized that maybe listening to O describe her first time should bother her. But it didn’t because this kid loved her and trusted her enough to talk with her. Enough to tell her that the condom broke and she was worried. So she laughed with the girl, and then she even cracked a joke.

“So you apparently have more in common with Lexa than you thought?” she asked, and Octavia shot up from the bed and looked at her.

Her wide eyes and open mouth, were nothing to the question that fell from her lips, “You know about Nontu and Mom and their weird playtime?”

Abby shrugged, “How can I not know. My studio looks into the their bedroom, and I swear my daughter is an expositionist, just to punish me for eleven years of being a bitch.”

“Actually, it was more of like twenty years, Mom,” the voice comes from the doorway.

**~Clarke~**

The honesty took the on the bed both by surprise. And Clarke watched as her daughter looked Abby over. But her mother did not move her eyes from hers. Clarke could tell Abby was trying to think back to what she did twenty years ago that Clarke would still hold a grudge over.

 Clarke confessed, “The time you missed my birthday to go to a conference. That was when I decided I liked Dad more, because he wouldn’t forget my birthday. I know that’s not how it works now. But then, I assumed you forgot and didn’t care.”

Abby’s eyes filled with sadness. Clarke remembered that morning, when her mother wasn’t there because of some medical conference. She knew her mother was going. Abby had been gone already for a few days, but the truth was, Clarke thought she would come back and surprise her. That there was no way a conference was more important than her birthday. But as Jake held the phone out to her, and she heard the apology falling from her mom’s lips on the other end of the line, she knew that it was all a lie. That Abby wasn’t coming home, and more importantly that Abby would always put work before her. 

Clarke made her way over to the bed and squeezed into under the covers behind Octavia. Taking the box from the girl’s hand, she read the title and gave it back to her. “Well, I suppose Lexa was correct about last ngiht,” she stated, and felt the girl stop breathing.

“They know?”

Clarke smiled, and answered, “Yep, they watched you two come home this morning. Took a lot of self-control, but Lincoln is still alive and all of his appendages are still attached to his body.”

Abby chuckled lightly, but Clarke knew that she was now lost in a world of past regret, so she admits, “And we do not intentionally provide you demonstrations. Sometimes we are just careless.” This pulls her mother’s attention back to her.

“I know, kid,” Abby says and smiles. Because then she adds, ”We are more alike than you ever give us credit for.” Before Clarke could manage even a look of surprise, Octavia was up and out of the bed, faster than anyone thought possible after her previous night’s activities. The sudden bed movement, jars the sleeping seven year old awake, who is also now sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

Clarke watches as Octavia moved about the room, choosing a new outfit, as she says, “I cannot handle all of the sharing that happens in this house…” and her voice fades to string of incoherent mumbling. Then she hears Abby respond and it pulls her upright with a scarlet face.

“You just told me you and Lexa are very similar, O. There is nothing inappropriate with discussing differences as well,” and Abby’s words caused Clarke’s eyes to shift from Octavia to her mother and then back again.

The little girl, not understanding anything that was going on, moved from the bed and out to the bathroom. Octavia looked at Clarke and smiled weakly, saying, “I didn’t beat him… I just told him he wasn’t aloud to cum, until I was ready.” And Clarke’s mouth dropped open, as Lexa’s hand closed down over Octavia’s shoulder. The girl looked over her shoulder to see their Nontu, glaring at her.

“Come with me.”

**~Lexa~**

Lexa would rather have not walked in on the conversation where Octavia explained that she had commanded Lincoln to withhold his orgasm, but they did. They had listened to the women talking, and figured that Clarke and Abby were just giving the girl a little razzing, but when they heard her confession, they felt that they needed to have a heart to heart to heart with her. Even though talking about sex was not something they particularly enjoy.

They walked down the stairs and out the front door. It took a few minutes for the girl to catch up to them, and they did notice that her gait was slightly off. Lexa knew it was due to her _activities_ from yesterday, and it broke their heart a little.

Octavia’s eyes were down cast as she made it outside and stood before Lexa. Knowing that the girl was sore, they didn’t want to take a huge hike, but they did want to get out of view from the house, so they had her get in the car and they took off to get Clarke her morning coffee.

“I heard what you said about withholding climax from Lincoln,” they start after they make it far enough from the house that no one can see them. Octavia stared out the side window, and Lexa wondered if she was even listening to them, but they tried again anyways. “I wanted to talk to you about what it means to be in control like that,” and that brought the girl’s attention to them as she stared at them with curiosity shining in her eyes.

“O, I am marrying your mom in six days. I want us to be able to talk, and I know that I have been least accepting of this topic. But it is seriously awkward for me,” they say. Lexa pauses, but when Octavia doesn’t say anything they continue, “It’s awkward for me because I have always been a very private person and talking about sex is usually linked to talking about me being non-binary. All subjects that I am not comfortable with honestly. But if you are going to enter a sexual relationship with Lincoln and be _commanding_ , then you have to understand some of the psychology that goes with it. Know what I mean?”

And then they wait. They want for Octavia to process the information they gave her. Because this is where being a teacher helps. Teacher’s know that is take a minimum of 20 seconds for the teenager to process just the words being said, its takes an additional two minutes to come up with an adequate yes, no, or maybe answer, and up to five minutes for them to have a supportable answer. So they wait.

And then Lexa gets, Octavia’s five minute answer, “I was thinking about it when we were walking to the place he was taking me. I was thinking about being like mom and realizing that I thought I was more like you. Then he said he was about to… but I yelled at him and I think I hurt him by digging my nails into him. So he waited until I finished.” Lexa’s stomach twisted at the confession, but they knew it was important for her to be open with them. Especially since they were the only one capable of answering these questions if Abby’s confession of being a sub was true.

“And how did you handle the fact that you hurt him?” they asked, trying to be open and keep a consistent tone.

“I gave him aftercare, that’s what Mom called it. I like held him as he fell asleep and told him that he was amazing. He was pretty out of it, and slept for a long time,” she answered, looking straight ahead but Lexa could tell every once in a while she was looking at them trying to guage their reaction.

They smiled a little, and ask, “Your mom told you about aftercare? I’m surprised she knows what it is because she is always so out of it when we get there.”

Octavia took her turn to be a little green, but she answered, “I found your guys insta-fix gel for when you beat her. She gave me a minimal description but said that you like tell her you like love her and sweet things while you hold her. I didn’t really think about I t until I was holding Lincoln while he was falling asleep.”

“I would prefer if you do not try to have a similar relationship to your mom and me,” Lexa says, not sure where else to go because they were already about to pull up to Starbucks.

“Why? You guys seem happy,” the teen asked while studying them.

They thought about it as they ordered all the drinks for the house. Once they were passed the ordering window, they turned back to the teen and really looked at her. She met their gaze as Lexa explained, “I want you to learn what soft and gentle sex is like before you decide you want to tie that boy up or whip him or something-“

“You whip my mom?” she asked her eyes getting harder.

Lexa points at her, “See that is my point. You need to understand that before you can do any of that. Tell him he may not cum, you have to talk about it. What if he is not comfortable with that? What if he is not interested in you being his dom and him bowing down to you?”

Octavia shakes her head, with her eyes scrunched up, “She bows to you? What the fuck?”

Lexa grabs Octavia’s forearm, bringing her attention back to them, “O, I am not telling you what your mother and I do. I am just throwing examples out there. What I am getting at is that anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that we do is talked about beforehand. Extensively. We don’t just say I want this, we discuss why its wanted and what the purpose of it. If you are going to command him to withhold his orgasm then you need to talk with him about it before that you do not wish for him to finish until you are finishing together or after you have finished.”

Octavia is nodding, so they think that she is listening. When she speaks though, Lexa knows that she really is listening, “Can I just be normal? Have normal sex? Am I always going to be like this?”

With knowing eyes, Lexa answers, “With Lincoln you will probably always be the dominate partner, but that does not mean that you are a practicing member of the BDSM community. It just means you have sex and you will be more demanding and more in charge. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with it. Just please do not abuse your power. Like ever. He is a person, not your toy. You have to know that as the person in control, you have a lot of responsibility. Making sure that he knows he can trust you and talk with you is the biggest part of that responsibility.“

They see the car in front of them pull away, so Lexa stops talking, smiles at the cashier and makes the exchange of drinks to the car. Once everything was in and Lexa had their card back, they looked over at Octavia that was sitting quietly.

“O,” they say.

“Yeah,” she answers back, sitting still and looking straight ahead.

Lexa breathes in, hoping that they didn’t lose the girl today. “I just want you to be careful. You have been introduced to mine and Clarke’s chosen lifestyle, out of necessity. But you do not have to live this way. If it weren’t for us, you never would have even thought to consider yourself a dom, I think.”

Octavia literally swallowed their words that time. Lexa drove, stopping at a red light. The radio playing softly in the background, they wished that they had brought their phone so they could play the girl a song. But they didn’t so instead they once again just waited.

“I was happy to be like you,” she says out of nowhere. Just as they were about to pull up to house. She turned and looked at them, and repeated almost the same phrase, “I just wanted to be like you.”

Lexa put the car into park and reached over the give the give and awkward hug, thanks to the tray of drinks and center consul. But they hugged her none the less. They kissed her temple, and then said, “You should try to be more like your mom, honestly. She is far more of a better person. But I am flattered that you want to be like me. I have been worried since that first day in my classroom that you would never approve of me. Hell that’s the only reason I bought the raffle tickets.”

This pulled a chuckle and an admission from the girl, as she said, “I may have thrown away the other half of your tickets because I hated you.”

Lexa shook their head, “Rude, just downright rude kid.”

They released the girl, hopped from the car, and moved to the other side of to assist in getting the drinks out. As they helped, they asked, “Do you have questions? Need help with anything?” Standing in the slight drizzle, they waited for the girl. Who bit her lip, which was never a good sign with this one.

“Mom’s not been herself,” Octavia admits, and watches Lexa’s face drop.  “It’s like she has lost her voice, and I am not sure how to get it back. I know you have noticed it though. Because stupid bullshit that would never bother her, is eating at her. The wedding, the boys in jeans. She would have never been upset with getting married for Raven to be adopted. Something else is going on.”

They nodded to Octavia, trying to piece it all together. Octavia turned and left them, taking the trays of drinks within the house.

And Lexa considered it, leaning back against the wet car. They wondered when Clarke started to change. They realized that the point in which Clarke stopped leading this family, was the day they all let a story she wrote almost break it apart. The day that Octavia begged them to stay. The day Raven told Clarke how badly she treats them. The day Clarke handed over all control of herself to them.

The thing that Lexa didn’t realize was how eager they were to seize what she offered, not realizing the consequences of usurping that power would have on theirs and her psyche.

The control that Lexa had seized led them to the high parent figure in the house. They were with the girls and making a point to try and bond with each of them, but Clarke was somewhere else. Like background noise that everyone kind of stopped paying attention to. She had gone from being the center of attention to being there. To being silent. To being a full time sub.

 Searching the sky and the trees, they stood in front of the rented house. They were six days from their wedding day, and even their teenage daughter had realized that something was off in Clarke. Like any person about to get married and doubt is introduced to them, they began to wonder if this was how they wanted things to be. To marry a woman that had lost her voice.

So the next question that challenged them, was how to help Clarke get her voice back. But the only solution they could come up with was one that gave her all of the power back. They clenched their hands together. They fought for another answer. But when nothing came, they moved to the driver’s side of the car and got in.

They hit the button and heard the engine turn over. The put the car into reverse, and heard the doors lock. They turned and looked behind them and checked to make sure their path was clear. With their arm across the opening between the two seats they went to move their foot from the brake and to the gas.

But they took on glance towards the house and saw all three of their girls standing at the base of the stairs. Clarke behind their daughter, who were looking at them with nothing but confusion and tears. And they put the car in park. They hit the power button, and they stared into the blue eyes that knew. That somehow knew that they were planning to run away. They watched her move in front of their girls that had shifted to hold each other.

They watched her get closer to the car.

**~Clarke~**

She doesn’t know why, but when Octavia comes in the house something is wrong. She feels it in her gut that there is something very very off in this moment. Octavia’s eyes say the most, but she is not saying anything at all. But the concern is there.

And then Lexa doesn’t come into the house, so Clarke moves to the window and sees them leaning against their car. They’re thinking. But about what she doesn’t know. How could she know? Lexa has always been very guarded. But Clarke can see the pain across their face when they feel it. She can sense it, and she moves out the door and down the steps.

She wants to get to them. To hold them and tell them it will be okay. But she doesn’t move. She stands there waiting for Lexa to acknowledge her; to feel her presence. She waits for them to turn back to the house and see her standing there waiting for them.

But Lexa does not notice Clarke waiting, because Lexa is moving back to the driver’s side of the car. Clarke realizes that the girls must have been watching inside because suddenly they are with her, and they are moving towards the car that Lexa is in, looking backwards. So she holds them back, pulling them back into her as both start to cry.

Clarke knows that they are not leaving to the store to come back. It was in the way that their face contorted, and how they slumped their shoulders forward as though they were carrying the weight of the world. She held her girls back, waiting for Lexa to look at them. Waiting for Lexa to see that they were there for her. That she would be the person that they need.

And then Lexa turns and sees them. Clarke can see the pain in their eyes; can see that Lexa is struggling with something. Clarke didn’t understand what it was though, because they had everything they wanted. Everything that they had asked for. She gave them all of the control over decisions. Was it the wedding?

Was the wedding too much for them? She had given them everything else, but did they feel she was asking for too much? The questions were coming faster than Clarke could even consider answers. But she heard the car turn off. So she took a step forward.

She moved towards the car, not sure what she would do when she got there. Just that she had to get there. The car was literally just a few feet away, but the door was opening and Lexa was in front of her. And as she got to the door, she stopped and faced Lexa. She looked dead square in the terrified emerald eyes.

“You were going to leave me and our family six days before our wedding.”

There was no question. Just the statement that Lexa could not argue with, because they would have left if she had not been standing at the base of that porch. They would have walked away from her and their kids.

“Why?” she asks.

But Lexa doesn’t have an answer that they feel they a can tell her.

But then she takes a step closer, and her face is inches away from theirs, and Clarke asks again, “Why, Lex.”

The clouds above opened and realized the teardrop like rain, because the heavens must have known that there was no way Lexa could produce enough tears to wash away what had just happened. Closing their eyes, they whispered, “I thought it would fix things.”

_What the fuck could be fixed by leaving, Lexa? What do they think is broken?_

“Fix what?”

“You.”

_Me? I’m not broken. Why do they think I am broken? I am perfectly fine._

Clarke glared at Lexa, pushed her shoulders back. Her chin high, she looked Lexa in the eyes and answered, “So you think I am broken. And to fix me, you need to leave. Am I getting this correct?”

Lexa reaches out to touch her, but she steps back. “Lexa, I love you. But I seriously gave you everything. Everything. And after everything, you still want to run away. Unbelievable.”

“Clarke-“

“No, Lexa. I’m done chasing you, so go.”

**~Lexa~**

“-so go,” were the last words that they hear, when the fall to their knees onto the wet gravel and watch the blonde walk towards the house. This was it. She was walking away from them. She was leaving them, telling them to go.

Taking the family they had built together and leaving them alone.

 _No. You chose to leave._ the fucking voice tells them. And the shitty part was, is that it was right. This was their fault again.

But then they realized that it had worked. Clarke was back to leading this family. However, she was prepared to lead them without them. She went back into that house where she had their daughters, their pseudo sons, their mother, their brother, and their niece. Because Lexa was about to runaway again, they almost lost their family again.

 _When will you learn running away will not make the pain stop_? Their own words they had told Raven echoed through them.

“Clarke!” they called, pushing up from the ground and to the steps.

“Clarke” they called again, their sneakered feet hit each step.

“Clarke!” they called a final time, moving up the stairs and into the shared room.

That was where they found her. She was standing next to the bed staring at the wedding dress that had been kept from Lexa’s eye sight. They took in the whole image. They looked at the crying blonde that couldn’t meet their eyes. They looked at the beautiful dress that they knew without a doubt would make her look like a princess.

“Clarke,” this one softer, as they move towards her.

“Clarke,” and they rub their thumbs over her face as their palms cradle her jaw.

“Clarke,” as they push a soft kiss to her lips; hoping she can feel how much they love her.

“You were just going to leave, Lexa,” she says after they pull their lips away from the clearly unreciprocated kiss. “Just walk away for me. From our kids. Because you think I am broken.”

And they watch as her steel resolve is solidifying once more. As Clarke stands up straighter and pulls back from their touch.

“I was about to make a huge mistake,” they explained. “I was about to fall into my own poor habits because I screwed up.” Clarke turns from them, and they follow her, “I screwed up that night with you. That night I felt like I broke you. I did break you in a sense, because you stopped being the boss. You stopped leading this family, and I took all that control you gave me and I used it. But it put you somewhere that I can’t find you. Where O can’t find you. And I got scared and I thought if I left, you would go back to being you again. Because I fucked up, Clarke.”

When they stopped speaking, Clarke turned and they hoped to see her sad or understanding, but instead they saw her angry. They saw the Clarke that the boy had had to hold back from running through the glass and clawing out Finn’s eyes.

“I was afraid you lost your voice,” they say reaching out a hand.

“You were going to leave again, Lex. You don’t just get to come and go as you please. We are supposed to be getting married. Are you just going to walk out when things get hard? When we have a bad scene and one of us drops? Is that always going to be your solution?”

Clarke looks at their hand and Lexa wonders if it can be this easy, or was this another moment that wouldn’t solve anything because they would be back at it on another day. But Clarke is not really willing to give in yet. She is not convinced that Lexa is here.

“I am not broken, Lexa,” she hisses. Stepping towards them, they feel compelled to step backwards, “You never took my power, Lexa. I am just as much of a power force as you are. And the difference between you and me is that I am here every moment for you. I will chase after you. I will hold your hand. I will fight with you for what you want. But you haven’t had to do that with me. Our whole relationship has been about you. About your insecurities with your family, with being a parent, with being you. None of it had anything to do with me. So don’t you dare, Lexa Trikru, tell me that I am broken. That you took my power. You wanted to go off and fight your battles alone, but I was still there to support you with building a relationship with  _my_ daughter. With reconnecting with  _your_ parents. So you are ready to leave that. Then GO!” And there was definitely the point where she went for talking to yelling. 

But Lexa is shaking their head, and they have moved to their knees, and they are grasping for Clarke’s hands. There is no doubt that Clarke still has her voice. No doubt that Clarke knows who she is. The questions is can they be the person that she needs when things come crushing down. Because she was right. They had only dealt with one Clarke breakdown, and it was theirs too. So they hadn’t supported her the way that she always supported them.

She wasn’t freaking out about the wedding because she had to get married. She freaked out because Lexa was keeping important things from her. She freaked out because she wanted to make it special, and she felt like no one was listening. They had thought a wedding was important, and they really paid little attention to how important it was to her.

They didn’t know what to say. So they reached back, and pulled the only phrase they could think of.

“Please,” Lexa begged, “love me.”

“I never stopped loving you, Lexa. The question is: do you love me enough to stay?”

Lexa kissed her hands, and looked up at her. “I want to marry you, Clarke.”

“You wanted to leave me a few minutes ago,” and her chest empties of air when the words come out. Lexa feels like the world has crashed, because there was nothing but truth there. They were prepared to leave. But now they knew they wanted to stay.

_But how can I show her in a way that she will know it is the truth?_

 


	69. Chapter 69

**~Clarke~**

She paced the room, back and forth before Lexa who was now kneeling a few feet from her. The boards creaked unnervingly in the older cabin, and she wondered if she walked enough, maybe she could fall right through the floor and be done. But the floor didn’t give way, and Lexa was finally able to grab her hand and halt her.

Even in all the pain and confusion, Lexa’s touch was grounding. At the touch she wanted to stop everything and just listen to the words that they had for her. The instructions that would be given that she would follow. But she shook her head, because she didn’t need any fucking instructions from someone that walks away from their commitments.

 _Why didn’t I learn after Finn? I traded a cheater for a manipulator for a fucking runner_. She ranted, and she realized that she had let Lexa in and given them so much so that she could find her own value. Lexa was broken when she found them and she could fix them if she tried hard enough. And fuckin’ eh, she had fixed them. They were reunited within their parents and brother. They were learning to parent without fear to their girls. Lexa had changed a lot, but the major thing that hadn’t changed was that when things got hard or they got scared they would run. They would run and leave her to pick up the pieces.

 _Is this something I can do for the rest of my life?_ She hadn’t thought to ask herself that before they made their promises, because they were just falling in line. All the boxes checked even if they weren’t in the socially correct order. Kids, check. House, check. Marriage…

_Can I marry them, knowing that in a year I could be pregnant and they could decide to just not come in the house. To get back in the car and leave. Would they have left today if I had not been standing there with our kids? Do we have to be there every moment to scare away their demons?_

But her heart beat, because she knew that there was no question that she loved Lexa. Lexa did ground her. She could feel is as they held her, without holding her.

_They came back the first time. And the second time. Maybe they just need to get away and sort things out. You can handle that. Because they come back. They need you._

Her mind was trying to justify what they do. It was really trying to understand; trying to come up with an excuse for why Lexa needs to leave when they choose to.

 _Fuck that!_ Though her heart screamed, even though it was technically her brain pulling from the emotional portions of her brain that control all of her gut instincts that are screaming as she hears them say, “Please love me.”

Staring into the vibrant green eyes, she wants to submit to them. She wants to say ‘yes’ because those green eyes were boring into her, commanding her to forgive this momentary lapse in logic. But Clarke was tired of following. Because Clarke did not follow the ebbs and flows of the family dynamics. No, Clarke led this fucking family and her fucking children, and Lexa needed to get with the program.

So she answered Lexa’s plead with her own challenge, “I never stopped loving you, Lexa. The questions is: do you love me enough to stay?”

And she watches as the uncertainty flashes across their face, but then they recover claiming their desire for marriage.

 _I want to marry you Clarke that’s why I ran away from you Clarke. Because I love you too much Clarke._ Her mind mocks Lexa’s futile attempt to take back what they did. Then she hears from a distant memory, _Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke. Yeah well, fuck you Lexa. Leaving isn’t either._

But none of this she says. None of this will help Lexa decide to leave of stay, because now they want to stay. Now they want to beg, but “You wanted to leave me a few minutes ago.” And the sob chokes her, and she can’t breath for a moment. Like she can’t take in enough air to fill her lungs.

Lexa is on their feet though, and their arms are around her. They are whispering things about loving her and rubbing her back to try and help her focus. But she was focused, she was focused on the fact that Lexa Trikru got in their fucking car six days before their wedding and prepared to drive away from the life that they shared with her and their technically four kids.

And Lexa’s touch wasn’t helping. It was hurting. It was worse than any beating she had taken. The pain coursed in waves through her veins that burned areas of within her that no salve or tender massages would ever fix. Because she understood now that Lexa sabotages their own happiness and that means that they will sabotage her and her girls if she lets them.

Clarke is embracing this understanding, when she feels the fingers locked with her. When she feels her arms tugged out in front of her and see the long braid of curly hair down their back, leaving the room and taking her with them. And she wanted to put her feet down and lock her knees. She wants to tell Lexa to go fuck herself.

However, she followed. She followed them down the hall way and out the house. She followed them to the Audi and feels their hands on her, edging her into the car. Their hand on her head, as they tuck it in the interior, and making sure that she did not hurt herself.

She hears the doors slam and realizes that she is still in her very very short shorts and a t-shirt that is very ungraciously showing her perked nipples through the deteriorated white material that made up the fight censorship shirt that she had purchased after switching majors in college from Pre-Med to English Literature. She feels the hand on her shoulder and looks back to see Octavia holding out to her a sweatshirt, and she realizes that at some point both of her girls ended up in the back seat of the car, and Lexa was in the front.

And Lexa was driving them somewhere, because the car was already moving. They knew where they were going, but Clarke was still wondering how the fuck she had gotten here.

**~Raven~**

Raven stood alongside the door with Octavia. They shouldn’t be listening in on their parents conversation like two little girls, but the world seemed as though it was falling apart and they wanted to be there to try and piece it back together. They heard Clarke go from talking to yelling. They heard Lexa begging to be loved, like every single one of them had been doing since that Wednesday that they were all in the same room together.

They hadn’t known then that less than a year later they would be one huge family. Because that night, Raven had worked an elaborate plan on how to convince Clarke to stay. Octavia had accepted her apology for unknowingly hurting her mom, and even thanked her for getting Finn out of their lives. That was the night that Lexa walked in, and Raven watched as they stared at the blonde making pizzas; the blonde that she was going to seduce. But things had worked out.

Sure, there had been a few arguments. And the one huge fight, but they had survived it. So what the fuck was Lexa doing?

“Why?” she whispered to Octavia, who overall just looked guilty, and Raven knew that Octavia was very capable of landing blows that were invisible but did serious damage to an individual.

Octavia looked up at her, biting her lip. Her chin was tucked in as she hugged herself. They heard Clarke the floor boards creak insistently as Clarke or Lexa were pacing in the room just on the other side of the wall.

“I told them something was off with Mom. That she was tripping over little shit that normally would never bother them,” she whispers. “I don’t know how that translated into get in your car and runaway to leave us all.”

Raven doesn’t get a chance to answer, because Lexa comes through the door, pulling a reluctant yet still fuming Clarke behind them by the hand. Their eyes were wild with panic, and Raven swallowed sharply realizing that they really were trying to fight against themself at this moment. And she couldn’t lie, even though she wanted this family more than anything, it was fucking scary.

Because in the end, it was easier to run. There were so many times that she wanted to do nothing more than run away. Run because things were good and she didn’t feel that she deserved good. Run because things her hard and it is easier to leave than be asked to leave. Because then it was her choice, and if it was the wrong choice then it would be her fault and she would just have another reason to hate herself. Which was comfortable, because she use to hating herself. Loving herself, was fucking hard. Even harder was letting someone love her, because of all the things she had done and people she had run from or hurt made it so she didn’t deserve to be loved. So Raven thought she understood the look in Lexa’s eyes as they pulled the blonde by the hand that was following possibly just to see where they were going.

Lexa’s voice called back to her and her sister, “You both come too!” And they looked at one another and followed.

The rest of the family was in the kitchen and dining room, knowing that chaos was being unleashed they were all avoiding the drama that was about to ensue. Raven cast Abby a glance as they followed Lexa and Clarke outside. Abby eyes were a mess of emotion, part pain for her daughter and grandchildren and part anger and rage for Lexa’s behavior.

Wrapping her arm in Octavia’s, Raven followed her parents out and whispered to the girl, “Where are we going in our pajamas?” But Octavia had as many answers as she did. So they got into the car, and put on their seatbelts.

Octavia pulled off her sweatshirt, and handed it to Clarke, which Raven realized was a good thing because Clarke’s bust was about to burst through the clearly loved shirt. Clarke pulled on the sweatshirt, and Raven was pretty sure that she was in shock and wonders if maybe Abby should be there in case, her mother had a full blown meltdown. But it was too late for that.

They were in the car. The family that was supposed to be united in a few days, were together now, but at the same point so distant. And Raven would be lying if she didn’t think about the fact that she could leave and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She wasn’t legally tied to them, and maybe families were just too complicated. Because being homeless she had never cried this many tears. Because then life was about surviving. But when Clarke makes sure she was surviving, then she had time to feel. And feelings… well feelings were terrifying and made her do terrifying things. Like give a shit about the woman that she wanted as a mom getting her heart broken right before her wedding. Or that the parent she loved more than anything was ready to walk away from her and leave.

No family. No problems. Just find a place to sleep. Find something to eat. Surviving was easy, no one ever said being in a family was this fucking hard.

**~Lexa~**

It was a long shot, but maybe it was the only shot that they had. Because they had messed it up. They had messed it all up, because of the fear of her not being happy.

_Congrats Lex, you managed to make her miserable you piece of shit._

She is in the car with them, and she is sitting there. She is sitting in the car and she didn’t fight to follow them. She followed them willingly, and they hoped it was because she wanted to know what they had to show her, but they couldn’t be positive. Since her eyes were vacant, and she was running almost on autopilot.

They took the girls too, because last time this worked. Last time, they sat together and they sorted out their shit. They took turns crying over pie. And they came together. They decided it would work as a whole and it did. And _fuck this has to work._  

Lexa knew that if this did not work today, they may not have a family when they were done, and there would be no one to blame but them. They had been blaming themselves for so much for so long. Internalizing their own self-hatred. Costia was a bitch and said that she didn’t want them to be them, but really they had never felt secure with her. They let her dress them, and in that time they had no idea who they were. When they met Clarke they still didn’t know who they were. They were whoever someone needed them to be, if they were willing to get close. But the fact that they only had one friend that was still back in San Diego showed how many people really wanted to get close.

But Clarke had let them in, ad said be who you want. Just asked them to love her for who she was, and not to leave her. It was not an overly complicated process, because she was easy to love. She was simple and cared nothing for material possession, only for making people comfortable. She was warm and bright and happy, and honestly never showed her pain until the world collapsed. She defended them and stood by them, even after their mother had attacked the blonde for her raising a child as a single parent and in a non-hetero relationship, Clarke had stood by them, and fought for them.

They turned down the familiar street and passed the hotel that they picked up Octavia at, during their first impromptu visit to Flagstaff. Down the road, they saw the fifty foot high sign that read “Denny’s” in huge letters. And surprisingly the parking lot was pretty empty for it being breakfast time.  They parked and got out the car, jogging to Clarke’s door and opening it. Looking in, they saw the blonde wrapper her arms across her chest, and connected their down casted sight to the icy blue irises and pinpoint pupils that were staring at them. They knew that she was trying to decipher what they were planning.

“Please, this is where we started,” they beg, with an extended hand to her, and the other to the restaurant’s entrance.

Without touching them, Clarke got out of the car, and walked to the entrance, pulling the jacket into them, her wild bed hair still fuzzed up uncontrollably. They watched her walk away and almost didn’t notice that Octavia had also gotten out of the car and was standing in front of them.

They looked at her an exhaled, realizing all the progress that they had made with her and reassured her was washed away, because she had trusted them and they had let her down. She extended her hand and uttered one word, “Keys.”

They squinted at her for a minute, and held the keys back from her. But she shook her head and then wiggled her fingers, “Give me the fucking keys, Lexa. You don’t get to runaway this time. You promised that shit was done and there is no way in hell I am going to let you leave us at a fucking Denny’s. So give me the fucking keys.”

And they handed the small ring over with the dorky Olaf key change that Octavia had given them to remember to smile. If it would make the girl feel better, then there was no reason not to give her the keys, but they did feel suddenly panicked because they had a minimal escape route.

_Get you it together. You don’t need an escape route, you need your fucking kids to trust you with keys and your fiancé to agree to marry you again._

~Octavia~

When Octavia turned from Lexa with the keys safely tucked into her pocket, she felt a minimal sense of relief building in. Clarke and Raven were standing outside of the entrance watching the exchange, and Raven nodded in approval at her actions, which made her feel a little better.

Clarke’s face though was tearing her apart. It was look that honestly she had never seen before, because Clarke was a planner, she was always prepared. But Lexa had side swiped her, and Octavia knew that she was questioning every decision she had made.

The girl hoped that Clarke did not place her on that list of questionable decisions, but she also knew that she was the catalyst for every decision that followed to bring Lexa and Raven into their lives. And she wondered if she had never told Clarke about Shum, would Clarke be in pain now?

**~Lexa~**

Lexa led the way into the restaurant. At the host stand, Lexa spoke quietly with the same short blonde in the same stained purple polo. They pointed to the original booth that their family had come together and they asked to be seated there.

“Sure,” she said, as she smiled and revealed several missing teeth. Lexa smiled back, but for a second reminded themself that when they made it through this everyone in their house was going to the dentist for a check-up.

The hostess’ voice pulled them from their mental to-do list, “You know I remember you guys.”

“Uh, that’s nice,” they answer. Not sure how to respond, because last time they were here, it was much like this time. Because when they got to the booth, they all sat there and looked at it.

Lexa finally pointed at Octavia and showing her that she was to sit back in her original seat ask the window. Then pointed Raven to the seat across from Octavia and Lexa took their seat next to their youngest daughter and waited for Clarke to sit down.

**~Clarke~**

It didn’t fully piece together, until Lexa told Octavia where to sit. But she got it then. She understood that Lexa was trying to recreate that first night where they discussed being a family as a group. Really they hadn’t done that since, in spite of adding an additional family member, who was not seated on her side of the bench. Which maybe if Raven had been there night one, it would have played out that way. But she had planned her seating arrangement carefully, as was Lexa now.

And Clarke couldn’t help but note that Lexa chose not to take a window seat, meaning _they could still run out the door, even if they had given O the keys._

Tired and weary of standing in a restaurant where her ass was clearly about to fall form her shorts,— because they were supposed to only be seen by Lexa, at night, in their bed—she sat across from Lexa and her baby girl. She felt Raven shift next to her, and unlike Octavia trying to be as far away as possible. Raven was only getting closer, and Clarke realized that Raven was scared.

Which, reality wise, Raven had every right to be scared. Lexa was more a parent to the girl than she had been. Because she was still unsure how to develop that relationship after laying atop the girl and pressing her mouth across her body. Clarke was still disgusted with her behavior and thus she struggled to spend much time with the girl.

When she heard Lexa begin to speak, she was slightly shocked by the opening words. They raised their hands and gestured to the table, “We’re here to see if this can work.” The words were familiar because they were her words. Her words in April, as she tried to get a read on what everyone wanted.

And Lexa continued, “I made a huge mistake today, because I got scared. I was so scared that I almost left you guy and your mother. Because to be real, running away for me is easier than anything for me.”

What took Clarke by surprise was Raven’s affirmation to the statement, as she almost whispered, “It is easier because then you don’t have to worry that they don’t want you anymore.” Lexa nodded, and Octavia looked at Raven in bewilderment.

She responded to their confessions with her own understanding of life, “No running away is fucking easy. You stay when bad things happen and sometimes they keep happening, but either way you try to fix it. Running won’t fix shit. It just shows you’re a fucking coward.” Clarke saw her daughter turn to her second parent and spat out, “You were a fucking coward today, Lexa. I told you she is acting strange and instead of helping me figure out what was bugging her you go in your car and went to leave.”

Lexa looked down at their lap, unable to look at the girl who had asked them for help and they turned their back on her. But the girl didn’t stop talking, “You have no idea how hard it is for me to ask for help but I did it. I have never asked you for anything. And the first time you turn around and fucking try to leave.”

While Clarke should be mad at her kid for yelling at Lexa, really she’s damn proud that the girl is standing up for her beliefs. Now if she could teach her to do it without using fuck every other word.

**~Lexa~**

They knew that the words Octavia were saying was true, but each dug into them. Lexa wanted to just hug the girl and apologize, but Octavia wasn’t the girl who ever gave a damn about the words you said to her. She had been lied to most of her life. She had been beaten down by words and fists. She needed proof through action and though they had been there, that wasn’t hardly enough compared to the two times that they abandoned her mom and this morning when they almost did.

Lexa swallowed the knot in their throat, wondering if really at this point anything could be said or done. Could anything make this better?

Octavia stops talking, when Clarke reaches awkwardly across the table and takes the girl’s hand. She says to the brunette, “O, Lex brought us here for a reason so let’s listen.” But they can tell that she is just being a good mom right now, because she doesn’t really seem like she wants to hear what they say.

The waitress interrupts before they can start though. She had a disarmingly friendly smile, and Clarke smiled at her like this was just a typical breakfast out. The girl had asked for their drink order and everyone but Clarke were looking like she had grown another head.

“We will all have water, those two will have orange juice,” she said pointing at the girls, “And me and my partner will have coffee. Can I please get extra cream though and a glass of ice. I really don’t prefer hot coffee.” Her request was simple and Lexa loved the way that she just handled everything when the world seemed so out of control, Clarke had a voice of reason within her that made it possible for her to hold the strings of balloons that were trying to float away.

“Okey dokey, I’ll be out with those in a minute. Would you like to hear about our specials today?” and Clarke managed the girl’s questions with a soft ‘no thank you’ and then everyone was waiting on them to speak.

So they began.

“There comes a moment where you wonder if it’s too broken,” and they realized that maybe that wasn’t the best starting point but it’s what they have. So they run with it, hoping that it will make more sense later. Lexa continues as they unfold the silverware from their napkin and begin to play with the napkin, “You wonder if maybe there is no part that can be replaced… or no effort to be made that could possibly get things going again.”

Clarke is watching them, but they keep talking while looking at her chin, her bust, her throat, between her eyes, anywhere but making eye contact. “And within your chest you feel a sense of defeat. It’s like you are not good enough. Like it doesn’t matter anymore because you can’t make it work.” They realize that they are losing her, when her jaw clenches and she is shifting in her seat, “You thought you had it. You thought you knew what you were doing. You thought that you had lived enough, read enough, practiced enough, that in this moment when you needed to demonstrate your ability you can own this shit.”

And they look over at Octavia apologetically, “But then its brought to your attention that maybe it is not fixed because. The component is too fired, or the wire too frayed. That it’s been over used or that it’s been too poorly maintained. Because maybe they lied.”

“Maybe not everything can be fixed, because if everything can be fixed, then you failed not to fix it,” and they turned back to Clarke, “So then the question is when do you give up? How many times do you try? How many screws do you reattach, only to take out again? How many times do you try and do something differently but only for the same outcome?”

They hold out their hands, “So now not only did you fail but you’re a quitter. You quit because it got too hard, or you got to frustrated. You quit because today you think it’s easier to just do without. You did without just fine before. But its not like before, because you know what it means now to have it, and the beauty of it being yours. You can’t wipe away everything. Maybe it’s the dust mark on the counter, or the attachment hidden in the drawer. And when you find it by accident or purpose. You are reminded that you failed, and then you quit. Or that you failed because you quit. So is the answer to keep trying, because everything can be fixed? Or is the answer that not everything is fixable and accept that you are going to fail, so quit?”

Lexa pauses, and waits for Clarke to raise her head to meet their gaze. “As I was preparing to back up, I asked myself that. I asked myself if I was quiting because I failed or I was failing because I was quitting. And I turned and I saw you and our girls standing there. I saw that I was failing and quitting because I was scared or trying to fix something.”

“Clarke, I thought that the something that needed to be fixed was you, because I thought that I had broken you. That I had changed you and taken your strength. But you are right. You didn’t give up your strength,” And Lexa reached for her hand, and she let them hold it. They finished with, “You taught me I had strength. And now I still need to learn how to use it.”

The blonde looked at them. Not just in their eyes, but ran her eyes over them. Taking in the way that their breathing was slightly erratic, and they wondered if she could see their pulse point beating at an overly fast level.

They swallowed, as they all sat in silence. And waited for the blonde to decide what to do. Waited for Clarke Griffin to give Lexa another chance.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak but the waitress returned with their drinks and placed them in front of each person that Clarke had ordered for. She stood there awkwardly, as though even this stranger could realize the moment in which she is intruding upon. But this was her job and they had to request that they brought their drama to her place of work.

“Would y’all like any breakfast this morning?” she asked trying to smile and looking eye sonly with the blonde that was wearing a mask that even Lexa was impressed by.

“Actually, we are going to need a shit-load of pie. That is kind of our thing, when we are trying to figure our family out during times of crisis. So can we get like eight different pieces of pie?”

And the girl’s shocked expression made Lexa smile slightly in spite of them being at a juncture where they are holding on to their life by threads. When the girl left, Clarke looked at Lexa but didn’t answer give them any sort of indication that she was taking them back.

Lexa watched as she turned to Raven, giving them no chance to speak, and told the girl, “You are safe, baby. You do not need to run away. You are as safe as O is no matter what stupid fucking shit your Nontu pulls. You are mine and for fucks sake please start believing it.”

They took note that she shifted her gaze to her first daughter, and when the girl was returning her gaze, she said, “Kid, you’re right. Running away is not the answer because it is quitting, and you were right to ask for help. But we sometimes fuck up. Remember when you did stupid shit just to share your pain with me?” And Octavia nodded, her eyes filling up at what Lexa was sure were flashbacks. And Clarke nodded with her, “Okay, so people screw up and they think it will be okay and then they turn around and do it again. And fuck it hurts more, but we give second chances, O. I haven’t had you long but I know that I have spent years trying to show you that everyone deserves chances.”

The girl’s eyes brim over, and she embraces what her mom says, but Clarke wasn’t finished. “And please stop striping away titles to hurt people. You don’t need to hurt someone when they are clearly already ready hurting themself.”

Then her eyes were on them. Lexa sat frozen for their moment of truth. The moment that Clarke decided where they fit. If they would be married or sent packing with the nothing that they had. “Lexa, I do not know how to trust you. I don’t know how I can marry you in six days, when you are not even sure that you want to be with me. I will give you credit, that you were going to leave, but you stayed. That is something new. Fuck, I would even call that progress. But the fact is we are getting married in six days and this morning our kid asked you for help and you got in your car to drive away.”

They watched her lips moving, and they heard the words coming out. So far nothing was that they had to pack and leave. And she had said _our kid_ , meaning she was sharing Octavia. Because Octavia had always been her kid. But she was _our_ kid now. So their pulse quickened, and they felt a tiny flicker of hope spark within their stomach.

“I love you more than anything but our kids, Lexa Trikru. And for fucks sake I want to marry you. But that marriage is going to come on a condition,” and she pauses, because Lexa is out of their chair. Lexa is out of their chair on their knees, with their teary face buried into Clarke’s chest.

“Anything,” they say squeezing her middle. “Yes, Klarke. Anything you want” But they feel the fingers below their chin lifting their sight to hers.

Lexa Looked up to see her staring down at them, with still clearly hurt eyes, “I want us in counseling. I would say that we need to do that before the wedding, but Ray’s  hearing is in less than three weeks. But when I say us I mean all of us. We all have some issue to work out. Like your and Ray’s tendency to run. O’s desire to fight. My need to control everything. We need to work towards living lives with healthy attitudes. Because Lex, there is more to life than surviving. We deserve to live. But they have to agree. And if they are not willing to do this, then we are not getting married.”

And Lexa turns to their girls to see both staring at their mom. Lexa watched as they turned their gaze to each other and Lexa realized that Clarke was giving them the choice on whether or not they get married. Lexa realized that the girls now get to decide if they still want them.

Raven’s eyes were begging Octavia, while Octavia was staring at the table, clearly going everything over in her head. Lexa moved back to their seat and waited. Waited for their baby girl to decide on their fate.

Raven finally said, “Yes, I’ll go.”

So everything was hinging on the seventeen year old’s shoulders and for a second they were angry that Clarke put this on their baby. They felt her hand though. They felt it sneak over, and take theirs. And they realized that the girl was not weighing if they should marry her mom. No, she was weighing if them marrying her mom was worth her sitting through counseling again. Lexa recognized that Clarke did this because she knew that Octavia still needs to talk to someone, just like they all did.

Lexa wrapped their arms around the girl, and just held her. Octavia’s face pressing into their chest. They thought about the last time they were here. Looking down at the booth, they thought this place must be magic, because Clarke was still willing to marry them. And Clarke had found her voice. And Raven was getting adopted. And Octavia accepted them.

And it all came together, when the teen said quietly, “I want a lady this time and I don’t want to go to the youth center for group meetings.”


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but at least we have movement. So much for being done in a chapter or two. I hate my characters sometimes, because I say get married and they are like f-u, Lux, we do what we want.

**~Abby~**

Anger was not a suitable word to describe the rage that Abby held for Lexa at the moment. Abby considered that the only way to fully comprehend her anger was through a metaphor. She was the scorned siren on the coast of an island surrounded by bloody seas, while Lexa was Odysseus the smooth talking sailor trying to make his way home. Yes, that was a little more accurate, but it still made Lexa out to be a hero that clearly they weren’t, but maybe, well maybe like Odysseus Lexa could pulled their head out of the ass long enough to problem solve the situation and get their family back.

Until this morning, Abby had loved Lexa unconditionally for extending that hand to her; for offering her a chance to be in her daughter’s life again. She had taken Clarke’s jagged rage to protect Lexa when Clarke was growing uncomfortable with all of the change. She had done this because until then she believed that Lexa was the person that opened her daughter up to her after years of silence.  

She discounted though that it was not Lexa’s hand that was offered. Clarke was there offering all along. Her daughter, who had closed off at seventeen after a fight at school and the death of her father, had opened her doors to Abby two years before that, three if you count the phone call one night where a Abby could hear Clarke’s excitement vibrating through her phone as the girl explained that she was adopting one of her students.

The excitement is what scared Abby, not really the teen. The excitement that Clarke never shared with her, and Abby was scared for her daughter, because what if this kid hurt her.

A year and a half of Clarke’s happiness was shared to Abby through every other day phone calls, pictures of her and the teen, and the occasional text message from the young girl inviting Abby to a birthday or girls get away. But Abby never went to Phoenix to see the girls. Their only face to face interaction took place on two Christmas visits to Seattle, where Abby never gave Octavia a chance to show her that she was a good kid. Instead Abby was there to remind Clarke that one day she would have her own family and that she would know what true happiness was. Why did I do that? Still haunts her regularly when the girl does something that can only make you smile, which was not uncommon. But the girl was no angel that’s for sure.

Abby knew why, even if she refused to admit it in anything more than the haunting feeling of guilt. The answer was simply so that she could be the one that knew what was best for her girl. To be able to tell her daughter “I told you so,” and “next time you’ll listen to me”, because in Abby’s decided reality, Octavia was going to use her daughter and bolt, and when the girl did, then Abby could be Clarke’s mom again.   

But Abby had been wrong. Unbelievably wrong. When Lidia came into the picture, Abby caught a glimpse of the damage she had done to her daughter as the woman snapped about Lexa’s mother insulting her family. This was something Clarke had never done to her, silently taking her abuse, and putting her teary eyed teenager to bed every Christmas Eve. No, Clarke had never stood up, just gave the same defeated look to Abby as she moved from Octavia’s room to her own. Abby noticed after the second visit, that the calls stopped coming, then the pictures ceased being sent, finally interaction between the mother and daughter was limited to a bi-weekly text where Clarke basically let Abby know that she was alive and happy with her kid. And she learned what it meant to be shut out again. And she blamed the brunette. The girl that manipulated her daughter into not loving her again.

April came and the accident happened. She had told Clarke that she had lost her license, but technically it was on a temporary suspension. Clarke didn’t need to know that though, because her daughter needed to feel like she saved her. Abby knew there was one thing Clarke couldn’t fight, and it was the opportunity to save someone. So she flew to Phoenix without a word to her daughter, until she realized she didn’t know where her daughter lived. Had no concept of how to get to her home. With the element of surprise unavailable, she went with short notice and called Clarke, only to get Octavia’s overly hesitant answer of “Hello Mrs. Griffin.” The formality in which the girl addressed her always irked Abby. Like a kid that is too nice, which means they must be no good, right? _Yeah, you nailed that one, dipshit._

Abby had attributed Clarke’s openness that day to the stoic body that was gripping her hand. Promising somedays with a confidence and command that Abby couldn’t deny. They appeared to be supporting her, stood by and extended a welcoming gesture.

The woman didn’t know then though that it was Clarke that was creating an impression on Lexa, and that Lexa had been with Clarke for all of a week. That Clarke had led Lexa into an understanding of second chances, because over several interactions Abby got to see how Lexa reacted to second chances, and really they were terrified and only gave them to appease Clarke’s need to save the world. Because Lexa didn’t save the world. Lexa stood by and took care of themself. That was Abby’s understanding of why Lexa got in their car and tried to leave their family that they had worked with Clarke to build.

She stood at the kitchen counter, stirring the wet eggs about. The pan wasn’t overly hot, and she watched as the consistency became more dense, and the substance when from mucus like to rubber like. The boys had taken seats at the table, both staring at their hands, neither speaking. Abby wondered if they were feeling guilty, blaming themselves for what was going on with the family, since both decided to lay with the girls the evening prior, knowing Lexa’s irrational outbursts over them having sex.

Abby needed something to do, and the eggs were about finished. She watched the uncomfortable tension that was creeping throughout the room. “Enough of this,” she said in a harsh whisper, and Lincoln’s eyes were on her and questioning.

“We will not sit here and wallow in self misery, because Lexa made a choice. Because the fact is we all seem to be making choices. Like you two choosing to make advances on the girls that you know Lexa would happily castrate you for,” she states, tossing eggs onto the plates, and watching as several pieces land on the counter instead. Pulling the bacon from the oven, she slaps about a half pound on each plate and put them in front of the boys.

“I’m sorry,” Lincoln says softly, spooning a huge pile of eggs in to his mouth. Abby feels less irritated with him than Bellamy, because honestly, he was still a kid and was taken up in the moment of his first time. She wants him to know that he didn’t do something wrong, but at the same time, she shouldn’t have to give her granddaughter the morning after pill, because the boy couldn’t put on a condom properly.

Bellamy looked at her, and she could see he was struggling with his own understanding of the situation. Abby gazed back at him, and said, “I know you’re an adult, Bellamy. You’re a man. But she is a girl still. She is mature yes, and I am sure she knows all the right moves. But you’re a man in Clarke and Lexa’s house, have enough respect for them not to be caught with your pants down with their still very fragile daughter.” He nodded to her, the blush rushing through his face, and she felt like he really was beginning to understand.

Lincoln was still chewing, but he decided to ask the question that Abby was worried might send Bellamy into a fit of rage, “I know that this is weird, but can you… I don’t know how… How do you use a condom?” Abby had to hide the tired sadness of a grandmother, because he was asking for professional help and it was moments like this that she wished she had never gone into medicine. Because that is what these kids came to her for, birth control. Taking a glance at Bellamy, she noticed that he was not looking at Lincoln at all but at her, as if he was unsure as well.

_You have got to be kidding me._

“Bellamy, have you not been using protection?” she asked, and watched as his eyes did not shift. But he did shake his head.

Standing up from where she was leaning on the table, looking between the two boys she said, “Finish eating boys. When you’re done you’re getting a sex ed class. Also, if I have to give another granddaughter the morning after pill, you won’t have to worry if Lexa comes back with my girls because I will kill you myself.”

Leaving the boys in their room, she moves up the stairs. A few tears falling from her eyes, because if Clarke’s heart is broken, there is a good chance that she will lock everyone out again. She would lose her daughter again. Would she lose Octavia thought? Would Raven stay, or would she lose the snarky girl that crawled into her bed the second night just to win a bet? Questions that haunted Abby, and truthfully made her miss Marcus more than she had cared to share with anyone just yet.

He was supposed to be here in the next few days, but Abby wondered if now would be the best time to introduce her daughter to her boyfriend, if the woman was about to lose the person that stole her heart and promised her a joined future.  

Falling to her bed, she gazed around the room. The Trikrus were arriving that afternoon and she would need to get her stuff together, to move it into the girl’s room. She had only slept in the room the night before due to the little girl that came knocking on her door looking for Octavia, and she had agreed to wait with her until the teen returned home.

She let the remainder of her emotions flood from her eyes, and some from her nose, because she was Clarke’s mom and she cried like Clarke did. When her tears finally finished falling, she pulled the sheets from the bed, and began the process of moving her stuff from room to room.

The sound of gravel crunching and the arrival of a vehicle pulled her form her concentration, and she moved to the window figuring she would see the Trikrus’ red Lexus pulling into drive, but instead she saw Lexa running in front of the stopped Audi, opening the door for Clarke. She saw Lexa toss the keys to Octavia, who caught them effortlessly. She saw Raven pull herself from the car a small smile playing on the girl’s lips.

And she saw Clarke. Clarke getting out the car, and accepting her partner’s embrace. She saw Clarke’s saddened eyes. But Abby also saw that Clarke was not broken. Clarke was not in tears, falling to the ground that was so characteristic of her breakdowns. No, she was standing tall, holding the body that had promised her forever.

Maybe Clarke felt her gaze, because the blonde looked up at the second story window where Abby stood and without a word to Lexa, she just slightly nodded her head. She acknowledged that she was okay. Abby felt the relief of Clarke being okay, wash over her. At the fact that the woman would not be locking herself away again.

The relief though did not calm the siren screaming from within. No, the relief rather just opened up Abby’s ability to really embrace the anger that she felt for Lexa. Now she had to determine how to deal with those feelings, and she only knew one person that understood the rage of watching someone they love being torn apart by Lexa’s habits; Lidia Trikru.


	71. Chapter 71

**~Clarke~**

Clarke held onto Lexa when they got out of the car at the house. Breakfast of pie and coffee had made her stomach hurt worse than the flip flopping that was already taking place over whether the decision to give Lexa yet another chance was the right choice.

 _But they didn’t leave!_ a part of her still screamed and she wondered if she had blown everything out of proportion. Was it right for her to basically assume Lexa was ending their relationship, when they didn’t even leave. She didn’t have to chase them down. She just went outside of the house and they stopped.

There was the whole aspect that they were thinking about leaving, not just going to the store.

But Lexa didn’t leave. Lexa fought their urge to go and stayed.

She could embrace this understanding. She could do this. _Right?_

It’s funny how all it takes is one second of doubt, and everyone involves begins to wonder if getting married is the right choice. Clarke wondered if it was too soon. She wondered as Lexa’s brown curls tickled at her nose if she had made the right decision to even say yes in the first place.

But the girls are walking by them, and Raven shoots her back a subtle smile of relief at their embrace. The smile makes Clarke remember. The smile makes Clarke understand again, why they were getting married so quickly. It was to protect that kid. Protect the older teen that just wanted to go to school, and create a life for herself. But she also wanted to make a life for herself with Clarke and Lexa as her parents.

The smile made it worth it, and echoes of her two girls laughing with each other played within her mind. Rememberings of the girl’s tucked into Octavia’s bed together as though they were five and six, instead of eighteen and seventeen.  Imaginings of the two on Christmas this year, opening the presents that Lexa and Clarke would choose for them, or telling the girls that they were going to be big sisters.

Lexa pulled away a puzzled look on their face, and Clarke realized they had been talking to her the whole time.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked quietly, fear in their eyes, that Clarke assumed was them questioning if she was going to change her mind. Clarke nodded, face unmoving. “Where are you?” they ask.

She traced a thumb over Lexa’s cheek, and looked into those fearful eyes.  This is was the Lexa always there, the fearful person that could command the room, but too often let the voice within their head scare them into running away. Softly she said, “I was having memories of the girls, thinking about Raven.” She paused momentarily, considering about telling Lexa about her thoughts of babies. But she considered that “dangerous information” that may spark fear in Lexa. So instead of sharing with them, like she would normally do in most cases, she locked it away inside. Hiding it, as to not scare Lexa. _Yeah, this is what you have to do. Hide the things that may frighten them, then they wont leave._

Clarke watches as the look of concern somewhat fades from her partner’s face. Lexa felt comfortable enough to embrace her again, where she momentarily looked up to find her mother staring back down at her. She really couldn’t read her mother’s expression from the distance, but there was no secret of what had happened that morning. So she gave her mom a subtle nod, just enough to say, _Yeah, I’m okay._

**~Lidia~**

Charles and Lidia made decent travel time, pulling into the graveled drive way that their children were vacationing with their respective families. Lidia was surprised that they received an invitation for the trip, being that Lexa and Clarke had very minimally spoken to either parent, since that morning breakfast that was filled with tears, vulgarity, and the brightest smile across Charles’ face that Lidia had seen in years.

He made more of an effort to visit Lexa and their family during the week before they left for their trip, and by the way the two teens ran from the house and into the arms of their grandfather, it was no doubt that they had welcomed him enthusiastically. Lidia was still pretty much an outsider though. She knew why, and accepted it with minimal frustration. She had made her view on Lexa and Clarke’s relationship clear and even though she had begged to be apart of their life, the girls remained distant.

Raven had been some what more open, but Octavia was an impenetrable wall of aggressive, who clung to Abby’s side as though her grandmother would leave her if she didn’t hold on tight enough.

Raven was the first to approach Lidia, when the two older individuals pulled themselves from the car. Wrapping her arms around Lidia, she held her for a few moments, and for some reason the woman wondered if something was off. The girl was normally warm to her, but not like this. This embrace was more of a reality check; a are you really here and staying type of hug.

Pulling back, she looked into Raven’s tanned face and brown eyes, and buried deep within, she could see the pain of something fresh in the girl and the pink areas that were normally white, told Lidia that today held many tears. “You okay?” she asked, but Raven only nodded, hugged her again and moved to make room for her sister.

Octavia did not embrace Lidia. Octavia extended a hand for her to shake, and that girl also had the pink tinge of tears as well. _What are we walking into?_

Taking the hand, Lidia shook it softly and asked, “May I hug you, Octavia?” The girl’s eyebrows scrunched as if she truly didn’t even consider that the woman would want a hug from her. But she moved in and hugged her lightly and pulled back . It wasn’t long but Lidia caught the girl’s scent and smiled trying to memorize it because this girl was her granddaughter and Lidia decided she was going to get the kid to like her.

As everyone began to pile from the house, Lidia noticed that each held an aire of sadness to them. It was troubling because they were up here to enjoy themselves, but instead looked as though they had been raging a war all morning. When Abby approached her, she moved in to hug Lidia, and quietly whispered to the woman, “I would like to talk with you at some point about Lexa’s running.”

And then she knew. She knew what was going on, and taking a look at Lexa’s face, she could see that her child was trying to put on a brave face, but something had happened.

“Did sh- they…” and the question didn’t need to be asked because Abby just nodded, and Lidia knew. Lidia knew that Lexa had tried to run but something had kept them there, so that was something. But the pain it caused was all around her, and she realized that Raven was trying to hold on, while Octavia was preparing for the possibility to never seeing anyone again by withdrawing. It all made sense, and the clarity of it cut into her. _Damn you, Alexandria._

**~Ryder~**

Raven sat on the dock, as Ryder came up along side of her. The water was rippling as the breeze coasted across the surface. She felt the dock shift under Ryder’s weight as he sat and dipped his feet into the water. Without looking at him, Raven stated, “If you’re here to throw me in the lake, my phone is in my pocket and I can’t replace it so please don’t.”

Ryder was slightly taken a back at Raven’s lack of snark and joke that always coated the words that exited her lips. He could tell that she was still riled about the morning events and he wasn’t really sure why he decided to come out here with the girl, but something just pushed him in her direction.

“Today was…” he started, but Raven stopped him with her own words.

“Fucked  up.”

He nodded watching the sloshing around their feet, and took a deep breath. “It was really hard when Lexa just left that night. I didn’t think that it was really gone gone.”

Raven huffed out slightly, and turned her tear swollen brown eyes towards him, “Really you want to talk about Nontu leaving and your sad story. Do I seriously look like I need that shit right now?”

Ryder met her eyes and just looked at her. Taking in the pained eyes, the defeated posture, and he knew that she was not really in the mood to listen to his story.

“I’m sorry, Rayray,” he said, putting an arm around her and pulling her into his side. “I just wanted to tell you I know what its like to always be worrying that Lexa is going to leave.”

Raven pressed her head into him, and confessed, “I wasn’t thinking about Nontu right now. I was thinking about me. I was thinking about that night I ran away. I was thinking about how hard it is to stay sometimes. I was thinking about being water and always looking for an escape route.”

Ryder didn’t say anything just listened, and Raven couldn’t help but enjoy how similar Lexa and he were. How he could sit by stoically and just let her let things out.

She wiped at her face, and continued, “I was thinking that I have spent so much time trying to be just like Nontu. Trying to find myself in being like them. But today hurt. Like really badly. Like so bad that normally I would want to run away too. For a second I did. And I just like understood why Lexa got in the car.”

She lung shook a little, because her heart was racing as she vocalized her thoughts and fears.

“I just get it, but I don’t want to be like them anymore. I don't want to be like the water. I want to be like the tree, like the earth. I want to be like O and Mom. I want to learn how to stay. Do you think its possible to stop being water and start being earth?”

“No,” he answered. He watched the Raven trying to make sense of his answer. He watched as confusion and sadness filled her, and he realized that this was not what he meant to tell her.

Knowing that staring at the water. He released the girl and pulled her up and off the dock. They moved down the beach until he found a huge rock at the edge of the water. Pointing to it rock, he waited until Raven looked to where he indicated.

“I don’t think you’re water, Ray,” he started. She looked at him, and watched as he moved to the large stone. Following him over to the rock, he placed his hand on it, and stated, “You are stone. You’re planted firm, and hard to move. It’s why you ground Lexa and Clarke together so well. They meet at you. Clarke holds you in place like earth, but Lexa wears on you. They teach you through their mistakes. Together those two are helping shape you. By the time you’re ready to shift from where you are, they will have helped you smooth out the rough edges.”

Looking back at the girl, he sees that she had joined him and is touching the rock. “Does that make sense?” he asked.

Her eyes looked back at him warmly, and she didn’t answer just wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Uncle Ryder.” Returning her embrace, he smiled and held her tightly, like he would Alexi.

“Thank you, Raven, for trusting me. For sharing with me. I know its not easy,” he said softly into heir chocolate hair.

She held onto him for a few more moments, and when she released him, he was reluctant to let go. He enjoyed having a moment with the girl. The teens were so wrapped up in their own lives that it was rare he really had the opportunity to be involved in their lives. He wanted both to know to know that he was there for them.

“So, you think Clarke is okay?” he asked, not able to really shake his concern for the blonde.

Raven nodded, and answered, “Yeah. She is stronger than any of us. She is making us all go to counseling when we get back.”

“That is probably a really good plan. Do you feel it will help you all?” he asked, turning them back towards the house.

As they walked, he pulled her back into his side, and felt her snake an arm around his middle while his arm found her shoulder. “I think it will be good for us all. I know I need to talk about the woman that gave birth to me and all that shit. Plus, I probably need to talk about Finn, because its too hard to talk with O and Mom about him.” They walked in silence for a few moments, before she said carefully, “I think he really messed with my head. I know I was the one that seduced him, but he did a lot of things and said a lot of things that still haunt me.”

Ryder squeezed her tighter. “You know he is not allowed to come near you, right?”

Raven said, “Nontu told me they got a restraining order on the house, Mom and me.”

“Yes, they did. They wanted to make sure you are safe,” he explained.

Hesitantly she asked, “Do you think she will ever forgive me for what I did?”

Ryder stopped and turned to the girl, “No one blames you, Ray. You were a kid and he took advantage of you need some form of security. You have to remember that he was a counselor. He knew what your mental state was when he did what he did. That is inexcusable.”

“I threw myself at him,” she said.

“But you were a child Raven. A child living in cars. He should have never taken you to bed, it was wrong. If someone did something like that to Alexi, even if she instigated it, I would kill him. I would kill Bellamy if he hurt you. I wanted to kill Finn, bury him in the desert, but Clarke apparently likes me not in prison,” he answered her. Then added, “I’m sorry life has been hard for you. You don't need to worry though. Because Lexa and Clarke love you unconditionally. I don’t think Clarke ever needed to forgive you, because she was never hurt by you. She was only hurting for you.”

She hugged him again, but their embrace this time was interrupted by his father, who approached them with a hug grin.

“Hello,” he said warmly, and then added, “Dinner is about ready and Lexa asked me to come usher you two back in the house.”

Raven nodded and pulled away, moving towards the house. When Ryder went to move, Charles held up his hand to him and stopped him. “You got a minute, son?”

“What’s up, Dad?” Ryder asked.

Charles kept his back to the house and said, “What’s going on with Lexa and Clarke?” Ryder took a deep breath. How does he tell his father that Lexa almost left again? Should he say anything? Buthis father’s knowing eyes were staring at him so he relents.

“Lexa and O left this morning for coffee and when they came back Lex got in the car and almost drove away.” Charles frown furrows as he was trying to make sense of everything. “Not to the store away, but away away.”

Charles’ lips tightened and he nodded in understanding. They stand there momentarily, before the father asks, “Do you think there is anything we can do to stop Lexa for thinking that is an answer?”

Ryder shook his head, and then answered, “No, because I think Lex knows. They didn’t leave. But Clarke was super hurt and there was a lot of yelling and crying. They went somewhere with the girls and they came back with everyone. I guess Clarke said counseling is a requirement for the wedding, but Lexa is walking on egg shells right now. Abby is on a not so subtle war path, and the girls are both putting up some defenses that would rival anything the army is capable of.”

“Your mother and Abby have been talking quietly for the past hour. I can’t tell if they are plotting or just sharing. But those two together may not be the best team. I don’t know Abby well, but I know your mother,” Charles answers, his age showing as he squinted into the falling light over the lake.

Ryder thinks about this for a minute, and then says, “Those two are a lot of like. Both stubborn, but they know what its like to be shut out from their kids lives. I think they are not willing to lose that again.”

Charles nodded, “Yeah, I hope so. I hope your mom doesn’t do something foolish.”

Ryder reached over and touched his father’s shoulder, “Me too, but Clarke and those girls have a power to hold Lexa in a way we never were able. They give them unwavering acceptance. Lexa is just still learning to accept that. They still think that no one will accept them.”

When his father looked at him, Ryder added, “I think with us all hear, Lexa will see they are accepted and it may add to their comfort of staying.”

Charles looked at the house, “Well, let’s keep your mother from saying something to contradict that then.” But both men just laughed because they both knew they were as capable of controlling Lidia Trikru as they were controlling the last child that came from her.


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted two chapters so don't miss the one before this. :) Working on the next one now. Hopefully it will be ready soon. :)

**~Clarke~**

 

Lexa and Clarke went to bed that night earlier than the rest. Clarke took her time in the shower, cleaning away her grief. Trying to was her pain and sorrow down the drain, like her father had taught her to do, growing up. She didn’t know if Lexa could hear her crying from the shower, but she needed to get it all out of her. She needed to exhaust herself, so that she couldn’t feel it anymore.

When she left the bathroom, she found Lexa already tucked under the security of the blanket, waiting for her. They sat, with their back to the headboard a book open in their lap. It wasn’t until she got closer, that she noticed the book was actually her book. Lexa was reading her book.

“So…” she asked as she crawled across the foot of the bed to lay on her side.

Lexa smiled weakly at her, “I was worried if I read it and didn’t like it that I would have to talk with you about it.”

Clarke’s eyes knit together, and she wasn’t sure what to make of what Lexa was trying to say. As though Lexa understood her confusion, they continued, “Like your story online. I was not your biggest fan at first. But now. Now I have to admit though I think I am a bigger fan than my brother.”

Clarke laughed a little, and it felt good to laugh, but she replied, “Not possible. He loves me!”

Lexa’s eyes warmed, “Not like I do.”

“Yes, he does. He’s jealous that I met you first,” she said, egging Lexa on. Knowing Lexa’s jealous beast would get poked. She could see it too, the squint of the eyes looking back at her. But then the growl next to her, made her laugh harder, as the book was pushed aside and Lexa was pressing her to the bed.

“Maybe, he does, but that matters not because you are mine,” they say with undeniable confidence that despite Clarke’s frustration with Lexa, made her hips cant up to meet them and press closer.

 _Damn you, Lexa_.

They knew what they were doing to her, and they knew that when it came to issues, this was how she would normally solve them. Let Lexa have their way on her body. Falling into a mode of submission that was so easy with them. But the bitch in her wasn’t willing to give up just yet. And she didn’t mean to slap Lexa, but she did.

“Try to leave me again, and maybe I’ll just have to let him show me if I should have met him first.”

She knew that it was wrong, and she knew that it was a low blow even for her. But it was out before she really thought about it.

Lexa recoiled some, pushing off of Clarke and back to their side of the bed.

“I’m not going to leave, Clarke,” they said, sitting up with their legs crossed. The sadness was evident not only through the tone of the words, but through the withdrawn expression on their face. Lexa was not wearing a mask; Lexa was sitting by vulnerable for Clarke.  “I didn’t leave,” they say.

“You thought about it,” Clarke replied, staring at the ceiling.

Lexa nodded in agreement, then said, “But I didn’t.”

“You hurt the girls. They were scared when you got in the car.”

Clarke turned her head and took in Lexa’s trouble expression. They sat in silence for several minutes, before Lexa spoke again. “I really thought I was going to protect you. Its like this voice in my head telling me that I am not good enough for you.”

Clarke reached over and placed a hand on their arm. They turned to look at her, when she touched them, and their eyes begged for forgiveness. Clarke considered her words carefully this time, trying hard not to hurt them more, since they obviously were already tearing themselves apart.

“If you leave, then you make that voice right. If you stay, then you prove just how perfect you are for me. I’m sorry I tried to hurt you just now.”

“Didn’t try,” they said, and Clarke knew that try was the incorrect term. She had hurt them, because they already felt inadequate and she had added to it.

Clarke looked at them, and asked, “Do you still trust me, Lex?” Their eyes were confused, but they nodded a silent, “Yes.”

Moving from the bed, Clarke dug into the box of newly arrived play items and pulled out a harness and a smaller toy that she had picked out on the website for Lexa so that she wouldn’t hurt cause them to be so sore the next time they let her be the top.

Holding it up silently, she waited for Lexa to give her any indication that they would let her in, physically and metaphorically. They smiled softly, and said, “Si, Prisa. I trust you.”

Clarke moved to the bed, as Lexa came to the edge. She felt their hands on her hips, pulling her in closer. She leaned down to kiss them softly. This was not a rough scene tonight. No, this was a different type of submission. It was a submission of softness.

Lexa’s fingers strummed across her back, moving under the hem of her shirt. The touches were soft and almost ghosting, as Lexa pulled the baggy shirt over her head.

Once off, they toss the shirt to the side and move their hands back to Clarke’s body. The touch sent shivers tingling down the back of her legs, threatening to weaken her knees. Clarke places the toy and harness on the bed, moving her hand to remove Lexa’s top. What she didn’t expect for the pudge of curly hair to wedge the body in the shirt, making her move from soft touches to irritated pulls.

When Lexa’s head finally came loose, Clarke was met with a goofy smile.

“Smooth, Prisa. Real smooth.”

“Shut up, you,” and Clarke pushed Lexa back on the bed, making quick work of pulling the small shorts from their body. With Lexa fully bare before her, she was almost left void of oxygen. It was rare that Clarke got to appreciate the beauty of non-commander that was currently laying before her.

Lexa smirked at Clarke’s appreciation of their body, and Clarke grew tired of the cocky brunette, wanting to replace that smug look with one of the ecstasy.

Dropping to her knees, she pulled Lexa’s legs over her shoulders, feeling their heels on her back. Dipping her tongue into Lexa’s heady folds, she licked up from entrance to their clit, eliciting a deep throaty moan from Lexa.

Clarke moved her tongue to their entrance and pressed within, circling within them. Lexa’s hips relaxed and their legs fell open even farther, giving Clarke further access to within them. When Lexa was drenched and bridging their edge, Clarke withdrew from them.

**~Lexa~**

Without Clarke’s tongue, they felt an emptiness within that craved for her tongue; craving to be filled by the blonde that was presently fighting the underwear harness to fit the silicon toy within. Growing impatient, they pushed up from the bed and started to tug the dick in place. Once it was in position, They pulled Clarke forward, lining her up to their entrance, and gripped her hips, trying to pull her into them.

“Hell no, Lexa,” Clarke said with a giggle, and pushed them back to their position on their back. Lexa was taken aback by the push, but they fell back, giving Clarke their trust. “Move,” she said to them, and her command was unclear so they laid there.

“Where?” they asked.

Clarke smiled, and said, “Over.” As Lexa rolled slightly to the side, Clarke had crawled over on top the bed and sat against the headboard. Looking at Lexa, she said, “I want you on top.”

Lexa’s mouth watered slightly, at the sight of the woman bare with the exception of the toy protruding from their center. Moving towards her, she adjusted so that her legs were crossed, making maneuvering on top of her a little more difficult, but once Lexa was in position, they edged their way down the slick toy that Clarke had rubbed against their still dripping center.

The sensation of being filled by Clarke once more was elating, and they took a moment with some soft open-mouthed kisses to let their walls relax around the foreign appendage. Slowly, they began rolling their hips, as Clarke raised from the bed with minute thrusts upward into them. The sensations warmed them, and their kisses deepened.

Clarke fingers of one hand graved their skin across their back, while she used the other to press their hips down into her. Soft vibrations of contentment fell from Lexa’s lips, as Clarke found a nipple with her tongue and traced around the areole with her tongue. Lexa needed more to really reach their edge, but they were thoroughly enjoying the connection between Clarke and themself.

Clarke’s hand withdrew from their body though, and felt her readjust. Wrapping their arms, around her neck, Clarke pushes up and Lexa finds Clarke lifting them. They tighten their legs around her waist and their arms around her neck. She moved them slowly backwards, until Clarke was topping them. Pressing within them with slow and steady thrusts that made their soft moans flood from them, as they took everything Clarke was willing to give them.

Lexa opened their eyes and locked with Clarke’s concentrated gaze above them. Pressing upwards, they arched their back from the bed and felt Clarke bottom out within them and hold still as their lips met in a deep-tongued kiss. Lexa’s hand pulled at Clarke’s back as Clarke ground her hips into them, rubbing against their exposed nerves. They gripped her tighter as the waves broke over them, and their thighs tightened around Clarke’s waist as they held onto her. A simple and low, “Klarke,” broke from their lips, as they hit the peak of their.

Lexa’s head fell back, lips forming an “O” as their legs shook and abs rolled in waves of contractions. The blonde smiled down as Lexa’s orgasm raged through them and they clung to her like she was supplying them oxygen. Clarke moved in easy soft thrusts as they came down from their high.

When Lexa ceased moving, and their grip lessened, Clarke pressed soft kisses to their jaw line, and whispered, “Thank you, Lex. You’re so beautiful.”

“Gracias, Klarke,” they whispered in horse vocals.

Clarke moved to slid out of Lexa, but their hands stopped her, as they clung to her back and waist. They beg, “Please don’t… I just … I just need you.”

Clarke settled her groin back into Lexa, and pressed their curls from their face. Softly, she says, “As long as you need, Lexi. Just know you have me.”

Lexa smiles when the blonde settling into their arms on top of them, still filling them. Lexa knew that this was exactly where they were meant to be. They didn’t ever need to leave this moment, ever leave their woman.


	73. Chapter 73

**~Abby~**

Everyone was in bed, or at least pretended to go to their beds but who really knew with the teens, by the time Lidia and Abby could really talk. The two women found themselves sitting down stairs in the living room on the over sized sectional couch, as a movie that neither were watching played out. Abby looked Lidia over, wondering if coming to her was the right plan. But at the same point, Abby didn’t really know why she was going to Lidia, now the purpose of the conversation other than to vent about Lexa. That really was it. Abby had learned after years of dealing with Clarke that she could not go to Clarke with her frustrations, especially when it came to someone her daughter cared for. Because Abby was the bad guy when it came to Clarke. Abby would always be the bad guy when it came to the girl.

Taking a slight glance over her shoulder, Abby made sure the kitchen and dining room around them was actually cleared of family members. Turning back to Lidia, Abby stated, “I’m really frustrated with your kid.”

Lidia pulled her glazed over attention from the television to look over at Abby and they studied each other momentarily. After Abby’s initial discussion at Lidia’s arrival, they hadn’t discussed Lexa’s choices or Abby’s anger. Rather, their conversation were rather friendly; Abby getting Lidia to open up about Lexa as a child more. She learned that even as a kid, Lexa was a quiet and reserved child. Like now, they were never one for close contact, and usually stuck with their brother.

Lidia didn’t say anything, after she did a glance over Abby, and the small brunette was growing impatient. She needs Lidia to validate her frustrations and thus far she had done nothing.

“Aren’t you angry that Lexa ran away?” Abby asked, thinking maybe this may get a reaction. But all she got was a slight nod from the older woman. Abby considered the interaction thus far, and again realized that maybe this was not the best choice she could have made. Lidia Trikru was not who Abby had thought she was apparently.

Abby shifted her attention back to the television and started playing with the remote, searching for something besides credits. She’s not sure when she started talking, but the words came out.

“Lex didn’t leave this morning, but Clarke was really upset and the girls were upset and I just don’t know how to look at them right now and not be angry. I gave them my wedding ring to propose to my daughter and they got in their car and considered just driving away. I just…” Abby hesitated. “I am just so frustrated with them because its like Lexa is suppose to be strong for Clarke. Protect her. Like I never did.”

That was it, and Abby understood. She suddenly got what subconsciously she knew the whole time. She was not angry with Lexa, just like all the years she was not angry with Octavia. They were just someone to blame for her own choices and perceived areas of faults.

Lidia reached over and touched Abby. Looking up, Abby saw a sadness in Lidia’s look. She said, “Abby, my daughter does not know how not to runaway I think. It hurts everyone, but at the same point, I think we all runaway when we are scared.”

Abby absorbed Lidia’s words. The first thing she noticed was that Lidia still did not accept Lexa as non-binary, only putting on a show for the family. Secondly, she thought about the fact that she had run from Clarke when Jake died. Throwing herself in work, while the girl pushed her even farther away. And lastly, that she currently was running away from her choices and had been living quite comfortably in the hidden studio of her daughter’s home.

“How do deal with Lexa’s running away?” Abby asked. Wondering if Lidia had an answer that maybe would help her understand herself.

Lidia chuckled lightly, and said, “I don’t. I haven’t had a chance too.” Then with honest eyes, Lidia confessed, “I am just trying to be allowed in the room at this point. But I think both our kids have some serious abandonment issues. Even your kid admitted to snapping at me because of you.”

Abby swallowed this information. She had heard a little bit of this but didn’t expect Lidia to have the guts to tell her that her kid was just as insecure as Lexa.

“When her dad died. I didn’t handle it well, and he was her rock. I didn’t know how to connect with her,” Abby supplied her own confession. But then said, “But really I was gone long before that. I had Clarke when I was just a kid. Actually, I was Octavia’s age when I got pregnant with Clarke. I was determined not to let her keep me from accomplishing my dreams. It was always about my dreams. Never really about hers.”

Lidia nodded in understanding, “I never understood my youngest. Really either of my children. I hired a nanny the minute Ryder was born. I’m from Georgia and everyone had a housekeeper that raised the children in the area that I grew up in. I had a nanny, and never really knew my mother.”

Abby smiled softly, “Jake was like the super father. He was the one that was always there for Clarke., and the funny thing was he still went off and became a huge important engineer. I wont lie I attributed his success to being a guy. I thought I was showing Clarke that she could be strong and successful even though she was a girl… but I missed so much. Every school play, every game that she cheered in. I wasn’t even there when she went to prom.”

Looking up at Abby, she saw Lidia’s eyes fill with tears. “I missed everything because I insisted Lexa wear a dress to a cotillion. College graduation. Charles went, but I refused because of the girl that she was with.”

Abby placed her hands on Lidia’s. They sat there and just considered themselves. Finally, Abby said, “Maybe it’s time we start being mothers, instead of leeting other people raise our kids. So how do we help our kids deal with their issues?” Abby waited, hoping that maybe years of missing Lexa and watching her family deal with the loss had given Lidia insight, but she wasn’t expecting Lidia to tackle the situation differently.

“Abby, I think we need to not interject ourselves into their relationship, and instead work on our own relationships with our kids. We both abandoned them when they needed us and I think what we are seeing is the repercussions of our choices.”

Abby didn’t answer, because she couldn’t refute anything that Lidia had pointed out. Maybe the reasons that Abby decided to speak with the woman was to find a way to deal with Lexa’s issues. But she found that her anger was misplaced, and Abby realized that it is Clarke that Abby needs to focus her attention on.  She had spent time with the girls, but really no time was with Clarke after the hospital. And even then it was just a few hours before Clarke was gone with Lexa, leaving the girls with her.

Abby holds on to Lidia and they silently cry with each other without tears. She embraces the reality that she needs to be there for Clarke. Be the person that supports her daughter’s choices, instead of being the person that always messes up her happiness.

**~Lexa~**

They awoke in a tangle of numb limbs. They noticed that at some point Clarke had removed the harness and now lay wrapped around them. Easing away from the blonde, they moved from the bed to the bathroom. Releasing the uncomfortable pressure within. They located their shorts and t-shirt and left the room. Walking quietly down the hall and paying extra attention to avoid the squeaky stair, they made their way down into the kitchen.

Lexa heard their mother and Abby having a serious conversation, and realized after a few moments that they were talking about Clarke and them.

“…my daughter doesn't know how not to run away…” _My daughter. She is never going to get me._ they realize and shake their head. They stand at the island and continued to listen to the two women speaking. Listened to Abby confession about leaving Clarke with her dad to become the big surgeon. It hurt her to know that Clarke felt that abandonment and things began to fall into place.

They began to understand the blonde a little more, having not really had any discussion with Clarke about her past.

Clarke had never really spoken of Abby or Jake, keeping her pain locked within. She didn’t share things with Lexa that were pre-relationship. In fact Lexa realized that Clarke and them had never even really talked about her relationship with Finn, just that they had met when Octavia was still in foster care.

They knew that Jake had died, but not how, or the toll that it had really taken on the woman. They was learning about Clarke from Abby, and it broke their heart knowing that it wasn’t that Clarke didn’t understand if they leave they could never stay away from her. It’s that the woman had been left since basically birth. _That’s why she get’s O’s pain so well_. Because the teen also had severe abandonment issues, that Lexa really didn’t understand. Since Lexa had always been the one to leave. _Except with Costia_.

This information helped Lexa realize that Clarke and them were like opposing forces. That they as a couple understood the two worlds of pain, and it could make them a very powerful team or could break them. Lexa realized that they had been very open with Clarke, explaining where their fears were and where they came from. But Clarke didn’t share this trait of openness. Clarke was a very very effective bottler of pain. _Maybe that is the pact she made with the sun. She could shine brightly because internally she was burning up._

Grabbing a bottle of water from the counter that was unopened, they left the women in the living room, and snuck back up the stairs and into their room. Clarke was awake on the bed, her eyes locked on the door. She didn’t say it, but Lexa could tell she was waiting to see if they would come back.

Opening the bottle, they took a sip of the water as they made their way over to the bed. They held the bottle out to Clarke who sat up and took it. She drank, a little water spilling down her chin. Looking over at Lexa, Clarke quickly wiped at her chin, earning a small smile from Lexa.

“Are you sore?” Clarke asked, but Lexa shook their head.

“No, Prisa. You are really amazing at that,” they say moving into the bed and pulling the woman into their arms.

Lexa’s fingers move through Clarke’s hair, rubbing at her scalp. They contemplate what to say, not sure how to talk with the her. Finally they say, “Our mothers are down stairs trying to figure out how to fix us.” Clarke turns her head to look up at Lexa momentarily, so many questions playing across her brow.

“I think Abby was trying to talk my mother into giving her information of how to deal with me, but they apparently decided that they are the cause of our individual demons,” they explain. Clarke sighs softly, moving her face back down into Lexa’s chest.

Lexa continues their ministrations on the woman’s head, and they feel her relax.

“Clarke,” they say.

“Yes, Lex,” she says as a yawn escapes.

Lexa takes a deep breath, and begins, “I really want you to be able to talk with me. I want to know everything about you.” And they feel Clarke stiffen in their arms.

“You know everything, Lexa,” she lies, and Lexa knows that Clarke knows they know she is lying.

Lexa considers how to proceed, not really sure how to proceed. “Clarke, I want to know about your dad. I want to know about why you are angry with your mom. I want to know why you chose to adopt O. I want to know about that guy Wells, and why you decided to be a teacher. I want to know your stories.”

Clarke sits up, pulling her knees to her chest. Lexa watches, as Clarke is internally trying to manage their request.

They feel her shake slightly, as she begins to explain, “I have always been the confidant. I am the person that people come to to talk to about their issues. I have to put myself aside to really let them just say what they need too. Slowly it has made it really to let people in. I use to tell things to my dad, and then he died. I told Wells, my friend in high school and college, but then he died. I just kind of stopped telling people things, because both times they died when I was having my own break down.”

Lexa moved so they were behind her, holding on to her.

“My dad died because he came to pick me up after I got in a fight at school. He wasn’t paying attention to the road, because he was trying to get me to tell him why I was in the fight. We were in a car accident, and my mom was only able to pull me from the car before it caught fire…” her tears were thick, and her body wasn’t slightly shaking anymore, it was seriously trembling. Her hands tightly gripping around her knees, trying to steady herself. “We watched him burn. He was screaming and we couldn’t help him.”

She stopped speaking for a while, and Lexa didn’t push her. They just held onto her, reassuring her that they were there and was not going anywhere. Slowly she came back from within herself. “I was really angry. I was so angry with myself and that my mom didn’t save him. I was so angry, that I pulled away from her completely and just focused my energy into school and Wells was there. I slowly started talking to him. I was living with him when we left for college. Not in a romantic way. I mean we had sex a few times, but I didn’t feel that way for him. I just wanted to like lose myself. He was trying to convince me to talk with my mom, but I got mad and I left the apartment. I left to clear my head, but someone broke in. And he… he was killed in the fight… I should have been there.”

She closed up again, and Lexa pulled her into them, breaking their grasp on her knees. “That is why you don’t leave now, isn’t it? You’re afraid if you leave something bad will happen?”

Clarke nodded with her tears.

“Clarke, I am not going to leave you. Sometimes I just need to clear my head, like when I went to the gym. I just needed to think. I needed to process. Even if I would have left today, Clarke, I wouldn’t have left you. Yeah, that was my initial thought, but Clarke I can’t leave you. You’re it for me. You ground me. I will always come back for you. This is where we both need to learn to trust each other.”

Clarke sucked the air into her lungs, and Lexa could hear her heaving slightly, trying to get the air in her lungs.

“I was mad that you scared the girls. I thought you may leave me an something would happen, but I think I always knew …you wouldn’t leave us…. But they were so upset,” she let out between gasps.

Lexa pressed their lips to her hair, and shushed her softly. “I’m here baby. We will get the girls t know that too. O thinks like you. She thinks that everyone that loves her leaves her. Raven is like me. She wants to leave so she doesn't get left. We need to show them a balance between the two,” they say, but then add, “We need to show them that it is better to talk about what’s bothering them than bottling their emotions. I think they learned that before us, but I think that we have been showing them it is the way to deal with emotions.”

“You’re right, Lex. They are both trying so hard to be like us,” and Lexa appreciates that Clarke sees what they see. _This will work._

They stay in that position, until Clarke’s tears dry and she moves from the bed to get some tissue, not wanting to smear Lexa’s shirt with snot. When she comes back to bed, she settles back into Lexa’s arms, and they press a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Thank you, Clarke. For trusting me. For talking with me,” they say, wanting her to know that her trust means a lot to them. She doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“Lex?”

“Si, Prisa.”

“Remember earlier when you asked me what I was thinking about?”

Lexa remembers the far away look in the blue eyes when they had returned from Denny’s. “Si.”

Clarke sighs a little, “I was thinking about how the girls would react when we get to tell them they would be big sisters. But I was scared to tell you, because I was worried that if I told you about big things you would get scared and possibly want to leave. I need to trust you not to leave, because I want to share stuff like that with you.”

Lexa kisses her again, and they think about Raven probably jumping up and down, while Octavia pouts at not being the baby anymore. They laugh a little and say, “O is going to die a little inside about not being the baby anymore, but that girl is going to be a great big sister.”

Clarke nuzzles in closer to Lexa, and says, “That’s going to be a really long nine months or more.”

Lexa looks down at her with slight confusion, and Clarke meets there eyes with an upturned gaze. “I mean, I am not going to be spanked at all. That alone makes me wonder if we should just consider adoption.”

Lexa couldn’t hold back the laughter. They released the deep chuckle and kissed the woman again. She said, “Let’s do our research, Klark. I am sure there are some things we can still do, plus I know there is something about getting nipples ready for breast feeding.” Lexa’s smirk is huge, but Clarke’s expression grows slightly confused.

“How do you know anything about breast feeding, Lexa?” and the smug question makes Lexa laugh a little more.

“Luna. My best friend in San Diego. Really my only friend. She has a kid, and she told me about things…” they shake their head, and look down at the blonde. “I am not sure I want to see the baby’s head coming out. She said you poop on the table.”

Clarke gagged slightly, and shook her head in disgust. “You can’t handle boogers, you are definitely not watching me poop.”

Lexa gripped her tighter, and whispered, “Thank you, Prisa. I don’t think I can handle seeing you poop.”

They laughed together, snuggling in closer. Lexa smiled, thinking that this was the first time Clarke had opened up to them, and they had been okay with hearing her fears. They weren’t scared, of where she had been, and they weren’t afraid they would lose her. In fact, her fears, had made it that much clearer just how much she wanted them to stay. And staying was possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit they actually had a conversation!!!!!!


	74. Chapter 74

**~Lexa~**

Lexa woke early as usual the following morning, finding the woman they were to marry in a few days wrapped in a complete comforter burrito with only her face and scattered blonde tresses poking out from the top. Lexa smiled, and wondered how Clarke had not suffocated in the night, as tightly wrapped as she appeared. They got up, did the morning ritual of bladder empting, washed their face, and brushed their teeth. They pulled on a set of clean running knee length capris and the matching tank.

Making their way over to the bed, they tugged at the tops of the blankets and pulling the majority of Clarke’s head free from the potentially murderous blankets. The woman groaned at the movement, and opened one eye in an angry glare.

“No Starbucks,” was all she said before she squeezed her eye bag shut and scrunched up her face, as she started to fight her own encasement. Lexa laughed as they watched the blonde punch and kick from within the comfortilla.

“Quit your laughing and help me escape,” She huffed out after giving up the struggle.

Leaning over the bed, Lexa grabbed the edge fo the blanket, but before they pulled, they leaned in close and said in a low voice, “But I thought you enjoyed being bond, Klark.”

Clarke returned to her morning scowl, and answered, “Get me out of here, or you will never bind me to anythi-“ But she was unable to complete her empty threat as Lexa yanked the blanket, sending her rolling across bed, until she was free.

Sitting up quickly, she glared at her laughing partner, “Seriously Lexa Trikru!”

Lexa laughed, and said, “I’m taking the broody one running whether she likes it or not. I’ll bring you back coffee when we are done.” They watched as Clarke started to lay back in the bed, so they added, “Spend time with your other kid.”

Clarke looked over at Lexa and met them with another angry glare, “You’re so mean to me.” But Lexa just laughed because they knew that Clarke would be getting up soon.

They left the room and headed down to the girls room. They didn’t knock because they knew it was early and that Abby and Alexi were both in bed with the girls. Sneaking in, they went to the far bed, and ran their finger down the nose of the younger teen that was sprawled across the mattress, with the little girl tucked into her side carefully.

After only three strokes from the bridge to the tip of her nose, the teen’s eyes fluttered open in confusion. Her sleepy crusted eyes met Lexa’s and they smiled softly. “Run?” she asked, and Lexa could tell that she was excited to be invited. Lexa held a finger to their lips but nodded softly.

They held up a spare pair of running clothes they had pulled from their bag, and handed them to the girl making her way gently off the bed and out into the hall. She was smiling, unlike the grumpy blonde that was making her way down the hall and bumped into Lexa’s shoulder harshly as she passed, sticking out her tongue as she took a glance back before moving into the girl’s room.

“You made her get up?” Octavia asked in confusion before crossing the threshold into the bathroom.

Lexa shrugged, “I saved her from the blanket and then since she was awake I figured she could spend some time with your sister.”

Octavia nodded, but before she stepped inside, she said, “Thanks for waking me.” Lexa smiled and nodded, moving to stick their head in the bedroom, to find that the blonde had crawled into Raven and Abby’s bed, squeezing between the two females. Clarke glanced up at them and stuck her tongue out at Lexa, as she pulled Raven into her and said the groaning teen, “Your nontu says we have to spend time together. Does this count.”

Raven groaned out, “Sleep equals time spent well together.” Clarke wraps an arm around Raven and edged her head onto the girl’s pillow. Lexa shook their head because this was not what they meant; but at least Clarke was not being shy around Raven again and they knew that there was nothing sexual about their snuggling. In fact, they felt a sense of relief wash over them as both began to snore lightly, and Abby moved into Clarke’s side. They were getting to witness a three generation snuggle and they felt privileged to have seen it.

Lexa felt Octavia’s chin on their shoulder and her hot breath on their face. She whispered with a slight giggle, “So much for spending time together.”

Lexa turned and Octavia pulled away, “Let’s go.”

The two made it down stairs and they stretched slightly in front of the house. Bending to the side and pulling up their leg, Lexa looked over at the girl. She was mimicking their stretches and watching carefully for the next move. They smiled and said, “So you think you can keep up with me?”

Octavia stood and shrugged, but then admitted, “Probably not. You do this every day and this is the first time you invited me. So just try not to kill me.”

Lexa laughed and stood up as well. They pointed to the small trailed that followed the beach without being sandy. “I figure we can try that trail. I have been running it a few days and it is not super hilly. I’ll slow my stride, but I want you to push some. I want you to build your endurance so this can be one of our things too.”

Octavia’s face brightened at the prospect of getting to run with Lexa daily, and she moved to follow Lexa.

“Tell me if you start to struggle,” they say, and Octavia nods, clearly too excited still to speak much.

**~Raven~**

Raven woke not long after Lexa and Octavia left the house to begin Octavia’s endurance training. It was the heat that drew her from her rest, as Clarke’s hot stinking breath filtered over her neck.

“Mom,” she says rather harshly, pulling out of the blonde’s grip.

Clarke reaches over and pulls her back in, “You said sleep was spending time together. Come spend time with your mommy.”

Raven burst into laugher, pulling Alexi from her sleep and causing the poor kid to jump some. Through choked laugher, Raven exclaimed, “Mommy?! you sound like a perv, Mom!” 

Clarke’s eyes popped open, and Raven realized that she had hit the nail of Clarke’s discomfort of being around the girl right on the head. The blond sat up, rubbing her smeared eye liner around her eyes, “Sorry, Ray. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Ugh!” Raven said, slamming Clarke back into the bed and buring her face between Clarke’s collar bone and her breasts, and the girl snuggled into her side. She was very aware that Abby was now staring at the two, as Raven’s leg wrestled Clarke’s for dominance. After a moment, Raven had Clarke pretty well pinned to the bed, and she looked up at the blonde who was staring at the ceiling.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Ma,” she said softly, but her grip on the woman below her was nothing soft. “We got to get passed that.”

Clarke took a deep breath and she looked down at the girl, and Raven could still see the guilt in her eyes.

“Scratch that,” Raven says, and then adds, “You need to get past it. Because I am. Shit happened we got drunk, but we never had-“

And Raven found a hand over her mouth, after Abby practically jumped across Clarke’s pinned body to stop Raven from finishing her sentence. Raven met her grandmother’s brown eyes who was shifting her gaze to something, no someone behind her. Raven’s eyes widened as she realized that Alexi was sitting on Octavia’s empty bed looking at the three of them in nothing but confusion. She met Abby’s eyes and nodded to let Abby know that she understood.

“Okay! It’s official we are awake. Let me up before I murder you both because there is only one person in this house that is allowed to pin me to a –“

And Clarke found two hands over her mouth, as well as set of lips whispering, “The niece is awake and staring at you, Mom.”

It was Clarke’s turn to nod, and the hands were removed, as well as the leg that had still been pinning her to bed. The three sat up together and all looked at the little girl. She asked, “Where’s Octeevia?”

“Lexa took O on a run,” Clarke said, and watched the girl’s face fall a little knowing that her idol had left her behind again. Clarke held out her hands to the girl, and Alexi moved to the bed filled with women and snuggled into Clarke’s lap. Clarke brushed the girl’s hair from her face.

“I remember when you were this little,” Abby said softly, laying back down on the bed slightly. Clarke stiffened slightly and Raven wondered what it was that was really up between Abby and Clarke because she had never seen the two of them sit in the same room for very long.

If Abby saw what Raven saw, she didn’t seem to care, because she kept speaking, “I was a few years younger than you are now, when you were this little. You would crawl into bed with me when your father would take a trip for work and I would pull you in to be my little spoon.”

 “The bed smelled like Dad and I missed him whenever he was gone.” Abby’s breath caught some. Raven was slightly shocked at how abrupt her response was, and Raven realized that there was a lot to her mom and grandmother’s relationship that Clarke had never shared.

 _Damn, Mom! Way to hit her below the belt!_ Raven was considering how to respond to either of them, but failed to act before Abby was pushing herself out of the bed. Raven could tell that she was hurt. She had just wanted to share a moment with her daughter, but Clarke was hell bent on keeping Abby away from her.

Shaking her head, Abby looked back at Clarke, “You know I really do love you.”

Clarke’s eyes were stone, “I know, Mom, but you love your job more. If you still had that option, then we both know you wouldn’t be here.” Raven almost gasped, and she leaned in telling Alexi to go wake up Bellamy. The girl moved from the bed and Raven could tell she too was sensing the awkward tension in the room. Once she was gone, Raven looked from the door to Abby, who was shifting through her bags and then to Clarke. Abby found her desired outfit and left the room wordlessly.

“You are being bitch, Mom,” Raven says, getting herself up from bed. “And I know that Nontu did not have this in mind when they said spend time with me today.”

Clarke looked up at her daughter and Raven could see the realization flood threw her as her face and neck flushed with embarrassment.

“Your nontu says I need to work on being more open. I don’t think that is what they meant. I’m sorry, Ray,” she said. Raven pulled on the jeans that she located on the floor.

Raven sighed. “You two need to talk.”

Clarke got up from the bed, and grabbed hold of her girl. Looking at her, she said, “Tomorrow. Today its me and you.”

Raven nodded slightly. “What’s the plan then? We don’t have much in common?”

Looking up she caught the blue eyes of sadness, and she realized that she was not acting any better than Clarke had moments before. “Sorry, Mom. That wasn’t what I meant.”

“Yes it was,” Clarke responded, pulling away. Running a hand through her tangled blonde hair, she moved towards the door, but stopped and turned back to the girl. “I’m not going any where, Ray. I want to find a way for us to connect. I know we don’t have much in common, but there has to be something we can do together.”

Raven moved over to her, and reached out and touched her hand, saying softly, “You’re right. There is stuff we can do.” Raven racked her brain trying to find something, anything that she could share with Clarke. Anything that involved dirt and grease was out. So she moved on trying to find something else they both were interested in. Then she realized that she was looking for something they shared, but Clarke was a teacher and Raven realized there was a lot that she could learn from the woman. “I have an idea, but first it involves you getting coffee so you can be a nice person,” she said was a slight sass.

Clarke smiled at the girl and nodded. But then said, “I am trying really hard to be nice.”

Raven laughed, “Yeah, but we are going to need more than trying. Put clothes on, because we are going out.” Clarke moved back into the room, giving Raven a hug and then moving out of the room.

When Clarke was gone, Abby came back in. Raven wondered if Abby had been waiting outside of the room. Meeting eyes, they both just gave each other a questioned glance.

“I’m sorry,” Abby whispered, but Raven was already shaking her head.

“No, no, no, Gram,” she shushed the woman, who moved in and fell into the girl’s embrace.

“I really messed up, Ray. I was never there, and now I’m just too late… don’t have kids yet please. Please take your time. You’re too young… and I made so many mistakes,” Abby let out, but Raven could tell she was trying to pull herself together. Holding her grandmother, she saw the blonde return.

“We all make mistakes, Gram. And sometimes its super hard to get over, but I know that Mom wants have you in our lives. She wouldn’t have pushed O on you so much if she didn’t want you in her life. She loves you, just like I love you. She is angry and you know how Mom works. When she is cranky, she stops thinking before she speaks and Nontu made her get up hella early to spend time with me.”

Clarke shook her head, and Raven wondered if the part of hanging out with her being forced made the woman feel bad. “Stop making excuses for my shitty behavior, Ray.”

Abby pulled from Raven’s grasp and wiped quickly at her face. She kept her back to Clarke as she moved towards her suitcase, folding up the sleep clothes and putting them in the pile of dirty laundry.

“Mom,” Clarke said and walked towards Abby, who was now staring out the window. “I’m sorry. I was cruel and you were trying to share your fond memories… and I just fucked it up. Because I’m angry. I don’t want to be angry, but I am fucking angry.”

Abby turned and looked at her daughter; she nodded in understanding, then started, “I know. And you should be angry. I was too young when I got pregnant, and I was so resentful of your father and of you. I just wanted my life, and my dreams.” Abby threw her arms in the air and looked at Clarke in complete pain and emotional disheveal that until this moment, Raven didn’t know Abby was even capable of.

“It took me twenty-nine years. Twenty-nine years to realize that you are my life. You are my dreams. You were it, and I missed so much, but I want to be here now. I can go back to Seattle. I can get my license back. I can go back to the void that I have been living. But its nothing but emptiness with you, Clarke.” Reaching over, Abby took Clarke’s hands, as mother and daughter lost control over their emotions.

_Will their be a day before this wedding that not everyone is in tears?_

“My life was you. Every event, every surgery; I wanted to make you proud of me, so I wasn’t just another teen mom. But I missed it. I missed it all and I called it my dream. And I almost missed my dream all together.” Abby’s hand moved to the blonde hair and ran her hand over it, cupping her daughter’s flushed and wet cheek. “But Clarke I love you. I loved your father and I am so happy he was the parent that you needed. He loved you so much. But Clarke, I loved you just as much. I just didn’t know how to show you. I messed up, but Clarke I am here. I am here and I am trying. I am trying to be the parent that I was supposed to be your whole life.” Clarke nodded at her in understanding and Abby pulled her down to her level, pressing a soft kiss to the girl’s head.

Pulling back, Abby looked at Clarke and nodded to the teen standing awkwardly in the corner that she had kind of been backed into. Softly, she said, “Don’t make my mistakes, Clarke. You are a great mother, so take the time to get to know your new kid.”

Raven stood still. It was like the room was moving in slow motion, as Raven realized that her feeling had not been so hidden. That Clarke was not the same with her that she was with Octavia.

“We can do this,” Raven found herself saying. She was looking at the floor and noticing how the different slight darker shaded rings from the lighter shades of the wood. But she felt a hand on her arm, and she looked up into the blue eyes, and she tried to find her place there.

“You’re mine, Ray. I didn’t give birth to you but you are mine. It took O and I a year to figure out how to be together as mother and daughter. But to be honest, it wasn’t until you and Lexa came into our lives that we really began to understand each other a little more. Let’s not take that long, okay? Let’s start that now. No more worrying about nights that seriously I have never even remembered. Because you’re my kid and I am so fucking proud of you.”

Raven smiled at her mom, and she felt her chest warm. _So this is what it meant to have a mom._

**~Octavia~**

They had made it around the lake, and Octavia could tell that Lexa had taken it easy on her. But to be honest this was the most she had ever run straight before. Softball was about sprints, and reaction time. Endurance was not really a requirement, so the fact that she had made it around the lake, was cause enough for her to pat herself on the back.

Stopping in front of the steps, Lexa told her that she had to stretch again. She followed their movements, but she really wanted to just crawl up the stairs and back into bed. Octavia was exhausted.

“I promised your mom that when we were done we would go get her coffee,” Lexa stated, moving towards the Audi. Octavia sighed. She loved Starbucks, but her mother was seriously obsessed.

Octavia crawled into the passenger’s seat, and looked over at Lexa, “What do you think she’s going to do when you knock her up and she can’t have caffeine anymore?” Lexa looked over at her, and Octavia could see the shock in their eyes, as their lids rose. “What! I know you two are going to have babies. And I know I have to remember that you’re not going to ditch me. Because you love me. But she may stop loving you if you take away her Starbucks.”

Lexa laughed and turned back facing forward, then said, “She told me last night we should consider adoption because she is not willing to part with our private life. But now you mention it I bet she realized she is going to have to give up Starbucks.”

She gagged a little, knowing that Lexa meant Clarke was butt hurt about giving up kinky sex. “Dude, I did not need to know that,” she answered shaking her head with her eyes clenched shut.

Lexa laughed for a majority of the trip, and when they got to the drive through, they ran through the extensive list of orders like a champ. Smiling at the window person, Octavia watched how kind Lexa was to the people that they had been building a relationship with over the past few weeks.

“Thank you for this morning, Nontu,” Octavia said as they pulled away from the building bleeding coffee fumes and harsh air conditioning.

Lexa looked momentarily at her and a small smile spread across their mouth, and Octavia had to give it to Clarke, she had landed herself a very attractive partner.

“You’re welcome, O. I would like you to join me in the mornings. Especially fi you want to go into the army. You will want to be prepared for running. Running and push ups.”

Octavia thought about this. She hadn’t really spoken with anyone but Lincoln and Ryder about enlisting since she dropped to bomb to save Lexa from explaining their gender to her mother’s and her friends.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she said, “I don’t know if that's what I want anymore. I really don’t know what I want. What I do know is that I want to be a hero. So maybe college and medical school like Gram, maybe the police force like Uncle Ryder. I don’t know really. I was thinking army because I could like be a hero and leave the house so Clarke and Finn could finally have their happy family.”

Lexa was listening to her, and she watched as though she could see them processing all of what she was saying.

“I really hated him, so I punished her. But I don’t want to leave. I want to meet my brother or sister or both. I want to be there, but I am not sharing my room,” she says, then feels the need to add, “Especially with Raven. Seriously the girl gets grease every where and had sex on my bed!”

Lexa chuckled slightly, and Octavia realized this was the first time sex was brought up and Lexa didn’t like drive them off the road.

_So this is what progress looks like._

Holding up a hand, Lexa quiets her slight rambling, and says, “No, sharing a room with any of your siblings. Got it!”

“I love you, Nontu,” the girl said with a smile. When the words came out she realized this was the first time she had told them. She had known it for a while, which was why she had insisted on sitting in the car until they got out after the break-up montage and then again why she took their keys away. But today was the first time she really felt like Lexa got her and loved her back.

“I love you too, O,” and Octavia swore that there was no way Lexa’s smile could get in bigger. _Today is going to be a good day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna talk about this never ending story, shoot me a message on tumblr or leave me a comment. I love comments. I love comments too much honestly.


	75. Chapter 75

**~Lexa~**

Lexa and Octavia made it back to the house only in time to hand the other two future Griffin-Trikru women their drinks and watch Raven slip into the driver’s side door of Clarke’s death trap.

Turning to Octavia, Lexa asked, “Do you think I could ever convince your mom to give up that death trap?”

Octavia laughed and responded, “What’s wrong with her car? You know they have seriously good safety ratings?”

“It just so little. What if she gets into an accident?” Lexa answered, looking concerned back at the girl. Soft aqua eyes met Lexa’s as the birds sung happily in the trees.

With a soft chuckle, Octavia touched the hood of the black SUV. “She wants an Audi. Don’t you remember the way she drooled over yours?” Lexa broke their eye contact and looked back at their prized possession. Glancing over the car, they remembered the way the woman pressed her forehead to the window at their second interaction. The makeup and oil impression on the window would normally had thrown Lexa into a mini panic attack, but their draw to the blonde made them leave the marked window well after that day, because it was a reminder that Clarke had been in the car with them. The same day they had first kissed her.

“Eww,” Octavia said, pushing on Lexa’s shoulder playfully. “Stop it.”

“What?” Lexa baulked at her, confusion clouding their face.

Octavia just shook her head and took a light drink of her iced drink. Looking around at the over powering forest and then back at Lexa, with an eye roll. “You’re thinking about Mom orgasming over your car. It’s gross.”

Lexa took their turn to laugh, and wrapped an arm around their girl, pulling her into them as they moved towards the house. “So, I need to get her an Audi is what you’re saying?”

Octavia took another sip of her drink, nodding her head. Then added, “But then can I have Prius?”

Lexa pushed the girl some. “If I don’t want her in that car, what on Earth would make you think I would let my baby drive it?”

“I drive it all the time, and so does Ray-Ray. We all drive it, but you!” Octavia proclaimed. Looking up at Lexa, she gave the most innocent puppy eyes, “Unless you want to buy me and Ray an Audi as well?”

Lexa laughed and hip checked the girl just as they reached the door. “Clarke says you don’t want a car because you like us spending time with you. Is she wrong?”

Octavia looked at Lexa and stated, “No, she’s right. She offered to buy me a car on my 16th birthday and I told her no. I wanted the car, but I wanted her time more. If I had the car, then we wouldn't have morning coffee runs, and maybe she wouldn't feel the need to come to my games. I just wanted to always be there so she like didn’t forget me. But like I said before, I am finally starting to really realize that I am her kid, like no question. Like bad shits not going to happen anymore. That she loves me, like really loves me. It’s crazy that it took this long, but I finally get it.”

They had made it to the kitchen island, and placed the drink trays atop. Lexa took in the maturity of their baby and the smile they thought couldn’t grow any farther, did just that. They reached over and pulled Octavia into them. “You are so amazing, O.”

“Thanks, Nontu,” she answered, her face buried into Lexa’s chest. “Thanks for making Mom so happy.” Turning her head slightly to look up at Lexa’s strong jaw, she added, “Thanks for teaching me how to be apart of this family.”

Lexa squeezed the girl tighter, but their hug was interrupted by the small brunette wrapping her arms around Octavia’s middle.

“Okteevia!” the girl squealed. Lexa released their daughter, who had turned her attention to Alexi.

“Hey, kid,” she said. Alexi released the Octavia and looked up at Lexa who was standing awkwardly by. The girl’s eyes were slightly large, and Lexa could tell that they still intimidated the child.

“Hi, Lexa,” she said quietly, shifting her gaze to the ground. Lexa shifted uneasily as they heard their niece call them by their name instead of any sort of title, but that was because after their initial interaction, and looked at Octavia who was giving them a look of annoyance.

“Say hi,” she mouthed to Lexa, who turned their gaze back to the kid.

 _Why are Griffins always telling me what to do?_ But they looked at the girl and said, “Hello, Alexi, how are you this morning?” The girl met their eyes again and bit her lower lip.

“Okay,” she answered after a minute.

Lexa nodded at her and turned to leave, but Octavia grabbed their arm and pulled them back. Alexi moved to hold onto Octavia’s shirt hem, hiding part of her body behind the teen.

“A, I have plans with Lincoln today, but Nontu told me that they want to spend sometime with you today,” the girl explained to the child.

Alexi looked from Octavia shyly over to Lexa, and shook her small brown curly hair. She quietly asked, “Where is Gramma Abby?”

Octavia kneeled down to the girl and shook her head, “No can do, kid. Gram is going out with Gramma Lydia. So, Nontu is yours for today. What do you want to do?”

Alexi looked back up at Lexa and shook her head, turning her attention back to her idol, softly she said, “Lexa doesn’t like me.”

Lexa felt their breath catch slightly, and looked from their daughter to the kid to the ceiling. _Payback is a bitch._

“A, you don’t know Nontu well enough to know that they care for you very much,” Octavia says to the young girl that is standing before her, begging the teen not to make her stay with them.

Dropping to their knees, Lexa reached past Octavia and pulled the younger girl before them. She stood very still looking at the floor.

“Alexi, please look at me,” they begged the little girl, who had retreated within herself.  When the soft green eyes looked up at them, Lexa spoke softly. “You are my niece. I love you and I like you. I am just still getting use to being apart of a family again. I’m sorry, I have not been there for you. I should have been there the day your father brought you home, but I can do better.”

Alexi’s eyes searched Lexa’s face as though she was looking for something, but Lexa wasn’t sure if what she was looking for was there. A feeling of inadequacy flushed through them and they remembered what it was like the first time they shared these types of moments with Octavia and Raven. The feelings of not being good enough for them.

“Please give me today, Alexi. To show you that I can be your Nontu also,” Lexa asked, trying to make a connection with the girl. The same type of connection that they requested of their future wife an hour prior to make an effort with their eldest daughter.

“What’s a nontu?” the girl asked, and Lexa felt a smile tugging at their mouth.

Looking over to Octavia, the girl nodded to them. “Your father is your number one. Will always be your number one. Nontu means number two. I want to be your number two person.”

The girl was still studying Lexa, as she said, “You’re kinda scary.”

The words pulled a hoot of laughter from the teen, and Lexa couldn’t help but smile broadly at the girl as Octavia pulled back on Lexa causing them to lose their balance and tumble slightly backwards. The smooth hardwood floor broke Lexa’s fall as they felt the sharp pain radiate through their backside.

“See, A. Nontu’s just a under-stuffed teddy bear,” and the teen collapsed on Lexa followed by the younger girl in true dog pile fashion. Nimble fingers moved crazily over sides and childish giggles and screams fell from the mouths of the two younger girls.

“Noooo” and “Stop” and “Ahhhh” were the only discernable sounds falling from the lips of the girls, when Lexa caught sight of the bulk of a man standing in the doorway with a two small Hispanic women and large shaggy haired boy.

They paused their attack long enough for Alexi and Octavia to move away, leaving Lexa still flat on their back look up at the new arrivals. With a huge smile, Lexa pushed up from the hard floor and moved freely to the door, wrapping the small older woman in their arms and burying their nose in her dark frizzy hair.

“Esperanza, I have missed you,” they said warmly. Turning their head they looked to the younger woman. “Hey Luna,” and they sniffed in not realizing they were crying at seeing their friend and the woman that raised them.

“Hey, Lexa,” Luna said, pulling her son into her as she smiled at her best friend.

“Thank for coming,” Lexa said pulling back from the embrace.

“Ay dios mio, Lexa, you have grown into such a beautiful person. Mijo it has been too long since I have seen you,” Esperanza spoke as she ran her hands over Lexa’s hair.

Lexa smiled at the term of endearment, remembering how Esperanza explained to them that she would refer to them as mijo because it was the closest thing she had that was gender neutral; for when addressing multiple people of differing genders one would always use the typically male associated term. It was care that Esperanza took that made it so the gender didn’t bother Lexa, it was enough that Esperanza loved them for them. The first person to accept them, and she was here to help them celebrate their wedding.

**~Raven~**

She pulled into small parking lot, and looked to the blonde who was taking in the small shopping strip while inhaling the microscopic drops of her drink that clung to the ice at the bottom of her now empty cup. Raven chuckled slightly hearing the annoying slurping coming from the straw.

“Seriously, Ma? Do we need to get you another dose of kindness in a cup?” At the words, Clarke ceased mid-slurp and shifted her eyes to meet Raven’s brown stare of mockery.

Pulling the straw from her lips, Clarke looked at the cup and pouted slightly that she had drank it too swiftly. Shifting her pouty gaze to her daughter, she said, “No. I will be nice.” Glancing back up at the strip, she asked, “So where are we going?”

Raven smiled. “Some place you will enjoy I am sure.” She hit the red seatbelt button and let the belt retract itself over her body and back to its resting position. “Come on, Ma.”

They exited the car, and Clarke realized that they were walking up to a small intimate bookstore. “Ray, are books your thing?” Clarke asked looking over her daughter, who just smiled back at her.

“Not really, but they’re yours and I want you to teach me why they should be mine. O says you’re good at this.”

Clarke laughed lightly as they went into the store. “Well, my kids say that is my gift. Getting others to read something they never thought they would enjoy.”

“Well work your magic,” Raven said holding out her arms to the shelves of brilliantly displayed books.

Clarke went into the store like a kid in a candy store, making her way over to the young adult section and began pulling text after text from the shelf, building a hefty pile of novels in her arms.

“Whoa, Mom,” Raven said, taking part of the pile that was beginning to topple from the blonde’s hands.

“These are all ones that you must read,” Clarke said, not shifting her gaze from the shelves as she continues to pull books from the shelf. Raven smiled, realized that she had unlocked the literature crazed monster within Clarke.

“When did you decide to be a teacher?” Raven asked, looking over the titles that Clarke was picking up from her. She noticed that most had really appealing covers, and then giggled slightly when she noticed Clarke had subtly added a copy of her own book to the pile.

Clarke looked over at Raven, and the girl could tell that she was deciding how to answer the question. _That is so her. Not sure how to answer a question about herself._

But Clarke surprised her as she began to speak, tell her the story of becoming a teacher instead of a doctor.

“I was pre-med in college. Even though I hated how distant my mom was, I wanted to find a way to make her proud of me,” the blonde explained, placing the pile she had accumulated on a small table and sitting on a large over stuffed armchair that had been strategically placed in the store. Raven took the adjoined seat and waited for Clarke to continue.

“So I was about to finish my bachelor’s degree, and I was in this class. Genetic Engineering and Society. There was like all genetic engineering and a paragraph of that society is dumb and scientists know what is best because we can manipulate nature to make our lives easier.”

Raven listened intently, as Clarke retold the lab class that accompanied the course, and how they were being instructed on how to take apart an organism’s DNA and put it back together in order to reconstruct the single cells to do what they wished. In Clarke’s case they were creating antibiotic resistant E.Coli.

“So while I was taking these courses I was reading canonical dysotopias like _Brave New World_ and _Frankenstein_ , and I could just like see it. I could see it happening. But the book that pushed me over the edge was this one,” and she held up a small paperback, entitled _Never Let Me Go_.

“This was the book that did me in. It’s about a girl who is born and raised with the understanding that she was created with extra organs, for when the person she was cloned off of would need a transplant. Her life was lived in order to end for someone else’s.”

“That’s like seriously sick,” Raven said, scrunching up her face and taking the book from Clarke’s fingers. She flipped the book over and glanced at the back, knowing that this was something she wanted to read.

“Well, I realized that we can literally train people to do whatever we want them too, just be telling them stories that correlate only with our beliefs. That you could seriously teach someone to think and believe anything you wanted them,” Clarke explained.

“So I started asking why for everything. Why are things like this? What did Ishiguro write this book? Why was I making a deadly bacteria that could not be killed? And so I asked the TA that was the head of my lab class, and he told me the one thing I couldn’t stand.” Clarke paused for theatrics but Raven didn’t care because she was enthralled by the story.

“What did he say,” she asked impatiently.

Clarke shook her head slightly and stated, “That is wasn’t my place to question him.”

“What in the actual fuck?” Raven was floored. She couldn’t imagine anyone telling Clarke that it wasn’t her place to ask anything.

Clarke snorted to herself, “That may have been my response to the dude and I may have had a few choice other words to say before I took my stuff and walked out.”

Raven smiled, “You’re pretty bad ass like that.”

“Well, I didn't know what to do after that, but I just realized that I wanted understand these books I was reading better. I wanted to understand and spread my passion for how these texts that are clearly spreading a message.”

“So you became a teacher,” Raven stated.

“Ha! Not quite,” Clarke responded. “I got a degree in Literature and then a masters in it as well. When I was done, I realized that you can’t really do much with an English degree other than teach and I got a job teaching GED courses for the YMCA. That was where I learned that teaching wasn’t standing in a classroom, it was talking with kids about life, without the sugar coating. It was about making kids into adults and helping them realize that they are members of society and that they have a voice that needs to be heard. I fell into teaching high school when the program I taught for ended. Wasn’t until the YMCA that I realized I loved working with youth and that I loved teaching.”

Raven looked at Clarke quizzically. Finally, she asked, “If you taught GED courses, then why did you want me to go to the Y to take the classes?”

Clarke locked eyes with Raven, and answered her question, “I didn’t know if I could teach you. I didn’t know if you would want to really talk with me that much after what I did.” Raven started to speak, but Clarke held up her hand, “Let me finish.  I know we are getting past that, but at the time, I just figured you would rather be in someone else’s class. Octavia transferred out of my class after she was pulled from the fucker’s house. She couldn’t look at me. I tend to think you will act like her. I am learning that I was wrong.”

“I hear you’re an amazing teacher, Mom,” Raven stated with a easy smile. “I wish I would have found you when I went to that school.”

Clarke’s eyes widened, “You went to the school that Lex and I teach?”

Raven nodded, “Yep, but it was pre-Griffin and Trikru. I dropped out the year you started.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Clarke asked, but Raven just shrugged.

“I didn’t know how to. I’m not proud of dropping out. I wanted to finish. Like bad. But…” she stopped for a minute before she continued, “I just couldn’t keep up appearances. I only had a few clothes, and it was hard to consistently find a shower. I didn’t want to be the smelly kid in class, and when you live outside, you’re like always dirty.”

Clarke nodded in understanding, and then shared again, taking Raven aback a little. “I had a friend in high school, that ran away because she was raped and her parents told her it was her fault because she was dressed like a slut. My dad died when he and my mom came to pick me up from school after I punched the dick in the face.”

Raven was silent as she absorbed what Clarke was telling her.

“My dad always kept the door open, continuously bringing home anyone that needed a place to stay for a night or a week. Well after he died, Mom was gone more than she already was, so I would let Talia come over and spend most nights with me. She would use our washer and dryer and eat as much as she could. She never knew where she would be the next day or night. She slept in some terrifying places. And one day she just stopped coming. Stopped coming to school. It was like she disappeared.”

Raven watched as Clarke wiped away a small tear that broke lose. She wanted to move over and hug her mom, but she couldn't. She knew kids like that. Kids that just disappeared from the street, never to be heard from again.

“I found her a year later. She was on a street corner, doing what most girls do when they have no place to go.”

And Raven swallowed harshly thinking, _Yeah, I am no better. I did it too just not a street corner._

Raven doesn’t know why but she said her thoughts, “I kind of did that too with Finn. It was easy to lay down and take what they give you when it means you have a roof and food.”

Clarke’s eyes were pained, as she choked out, “He should have let you stay there without fucking you, Ray. He could have brought you to me. I would have given you a room; he knew that. I would have adopted you then thinking you were only 17. What he did was wrong.”

Raven finally found it in her to move, and she did. To her knees in front of Clarke. Burying her face into Clarke’s lap, as the blonde stroked her head. “I’m sorry, Raven. I’m sorry I didn’t realize he was hiding something. I am sorry I didn’t pay closer attention. I would have protected you then, and I sure as hell am going to protect you now. You’re mine, baby. You were always supposed to be mine. You were supposed to be mine when he found you and promised you a place to stay. He should have brought you home to me. I should have been there.”

Raven hugged her middle, feeling the overwhelming sensation of love radiating from Clarke for her. Feeling how much Clarke loved her, and wanted to be her mother.

“I love you, Mom,” the eighteen year old said through choke emotion.

She felt Clarke’s hand freeze over her head and the hands move to pull her in closer. “I love you, Raven. I am so happy you found me, because like with O, I have been searching for you my whole life.”

**~Lexa~**

Lexa and Luna sat on the wooden chairs watching the two younger children run around the beach of the lake. Luna held a gentile smile, as she watched her son playing with Ryder’s daughter.

“They seem to like each other,” Luna says after a few moments of silence and looked over to see Lexa smiling out at the kids.

“Yeah, they do,” Lexa answered, then turned their attention to their friend.  “I’ve missed you.”

“And I you, my friend,” she responds. “When do I get to meet ‘the sun’?”

With light laugh, Lexa said, “She should be back in awhile. Her and Ray have a complicated relationship so they tend not to spend that much time together.”

Luna rolled her eyes, “So you have told me. How is that playing out? Is Clarke figuring it out?”

“I think so,” they say, looking up at the patches of blue sky that peaked through the dense tree tops. Their gaze was interrupted by the sound of crunching gravel, and they turned to see the Prius returning from the women’s excursion. “Speaking of my girls.”

They got up as Clarke and Raven exited the car, lunging several bags.

“Where did you go?” Lexa called over to them, and Raven smiled broadly. “I took Mom to a bookstore, and she felt the need to fill the book case that I don’t even have in my room.”

Clarke shrugged, watching as Lexa bounced down the stairs and began peaking into the bags, “Did you bring me anything?”

Clarke yanked away the bag slightly as she said, “No, I got them for your daughter, and by the way, we need to get her a bookcase when we get home because I may have bought her like thirty books.”

Lexa rolled their eyes, as they said, “Because she had to have all thirty now.”

Clarke hit them with the bag this time. “You said I needed to find something we could do.”

“Which you didn’t, I did,” Raven said holding up her hand with a smile.

Scowling at her daughter, Clarke hissed, “Traitor.” Raven laughed and moved up the strairs with her bags of books. Looking back to Lexa, she said, “We had a moment. Our daughter told me she loved me.”

Lexa hugged Clarke with an intensity that caused her to drop her bags. Whispering to her, Lexa confessed, “O said it for the first time to me this morning too.”

“Ryder’s right. You two are gross,” Luna stated, pulling Lexa from their embrace to shoot a dirty look to their friend.

“Way to ruin our moment, douche,” Lexa stated, but Luna only laughed.

Clarke looked up at the woman that was making her way down the steps. Lexa watched as Clarke took in their best friend. Clarke shifted the bag in her hand and moved forward to hold out her right hand.

“Hi, I’m Clarke,” the blonde said.

Luna took the pale hand in her own, and pulled Clarke in for a hug. Rather than a hello, Luna whispered something that made Clarke’s eyes light up and her gaze shift momentarily to Lexa before back to Luna.

“I love them very much, so thank you for that,” and Lexa felt that this was a moment that Clarke just beamed like a personal UV ray, making Lexa happy they are not a vampire or they would be turned to dust by Clarke’s radiance.

Lexa moved into Clarke’s side, wrapping their arm around her waist. “Don’t believe what she says about me, Klark,” Lexa says, giving Luna the eyes.

“Ha!” Luna releases, “Clarke, you should listen to me. I have known, Lexa sense they were a toddler. I know things about them that you can use as ammunition for years.”

Clarke glanced up at Lexa with a cheesy as grin, and says, “I like her.”

They shake their head, knowing that inviting Luna to the wedding could be dangerous, but they couldn’t not invite her or her mother.

“Come Clarke, you have to meet Madre Esperanza,” Lexa says, guiding her to the stairs up to the cabin, but they were met just inside the door by the small tanned woman, that shared no common characteristics with Lexa, but the love and adoration that shined through her eyes, made Lexa feel warm. This woman was more of a mother to them than Lidia had ever been.

They could see Lidia and Abby at the dining room table, watching the interaction. Esperanza had quickly embraced Clarke, just like her daughter. She was speaking in Spanglish, commenting on Clarke’s beauty and Lexa being a lucky mijo. Lexa couldn’t help but be proud of Esperanza approval over their choice.

Lexa smiled broadly, as Raven came back down the stairs and wrapped her arms around Lexa, whispering, “Thanks for making her get up. She really talked to me today.”

Lexa looked over their daughter warmly, “Good. I here you even opened up some too.” Raven nodded eagerly, and Lexa could tell that she was happy they were proud of her.

“Who are they?” Raven asked, looking at the two women that were talking a mile a minute to the each other and the blonde.

“That's the woman that raised me, and her daughter, my best friend.”

Raven’s mouth dropped open, and Lexa remembered that Lidia was not very far away. Glancing over their shoulder, they saw Lidia moving from the room, they moved to go after her, but Raven was still holding them in place, “Dude, you have friends?”

Octavia’s head poked around Lexa, and no one was sure where she just happened to pop up from, but she threw in, “Because you have so many yourself, jerk face.”

Raven reached over to smack Octavia, but Lexa caught her arm, and hissed, “No hitting.”

Octavia rolled her eyes, “Yeah, that is reserved just for you.” The statement earned a grimace from Lexa, and they gave Octavia a pointed glare. The girl raised her hands in the air, “It was a joke, Nontu.”

“Rude,” Raven said, and since Lexa still held her hand, she stuck her tongue out at the girl.

**~Lidia~**

She had tried to be civil all day, but having Esperanza there with her family was like a slapping reminder that she let that woman raise her children. That her child ran away from their home and that woman harbored them; didn’t bring her home.

Abby sensed her discomfort upon their arrival, and she had tried to keep Lidia busy, but it was hard to miss how much she had missed, as she watched her child interact with the other woman and her daughter like they were closer than the family than Lidia was ever able to make.

Esperanza had managed to get Lexa into the kitchen and help create a tray of enchiladas without anything being set on fire, and Lidia was oozing jealousy.

But nothing did her in, than hearing her baby explain to their daughter that Esperanza was the woman that raised them. She couldn’t sit there any longer. She couldn’t listen anymore. She had already known that she had failed as a mother, but hearing the words fall from Lexa’s mouth, was just too much for her. So she moved from the room silently. Retreating, as she was so accustomed to. Embracing that it was her that taught Lexa how to run away from their problems.

“Mom,” she heard softly from behind her.

Lidia turned to see Lexa standing before her. Her demeanor was not relaxed. Rather she got the stiff Lexa that still didn’t know how to act in her presence.

“Yes, Al-Lexa,” she answered, self-correcting mid sentence, but didn’t miss the slight wince to Lexa’s face.

“Where are you going?”

Lidia sighed slightly, and answered, “I just need a break.”

Lexa scrunched their brows together, “A break? From what? From me?”

Lidia shook her head and glanced over the sparse white walls of the living room. “I know she was your mother, and I am just the person that gave birth to you. But I am trying to be your mother now, and it is just hard to watch her walk in the room and you just be you. I am just realizing that you have never been you with me.”

It was Lexa’s turned to sigh, and they moved forward, and Lidia felt her child take her hands in theirs. She looked into the eyes that matched her husbands, and she held her breath.

“I love you, Mom. We have a different relationship than Esperanza and I. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” Lexa tried to explain.

Lidia choked slightly, before she admits, “We don’t have a relationship, Lexa. I don’t know you. You don’t know me.”

Lexa nodded, “I know, Mom. Which means we need to do what Clarke and I are doing with our girls. We need to find something that is ours, and literally run with it. O and me have running and training. Clarke and Raven apparently have books now. Raven and I have garage stuff. “ She felt as Lexa’s thumbs rubbed over the top of her hands. “We have something, Mom. We just don't know what it is yet. But, you know that Clarke and Abby are the same way. They are still trying to find their thing without ripping each other apart. We’ll get there, Mom.”

Lidia didn’t realize it but she moved and took Lexa into a hug. It was a stiff hug, but it was a hug. “I love you,” she whispered into the brown curls that matched her own.

“I love you too, Mom.”


	76. Chapter 76

**~Lexa~**

There was only one day left before the wedding, and Lexa had been pulled from their bed with Clarke to spend their last night as an unmarried person. Lexa sat in the chair within Luna and Esperanza’s hotel room, staring out the window. They thought about the night before, as they held Clarke from behind, thrusting two digits into her drenched apex, as she bit into the ball that Lexa had placed between her teeth to keep her quite.

Their legs shook as they remembered her muffled moans and incoherent swear words. They could still feel the sensation of her walls wrapped around their fingers, as they grazed over the low pressure clamps with their other fingers that sent small bursts of pain through the blonde’s nipples down to her throbbing clit. They were carefully avoiding the pulsing nerve bud, making it a point to extend their play before sending her over the edge.  

Lexa let out a soft sigh, as they remembered using their thumb to ever so slightly just brush the tip of the unhooded nub, and felt her walls collapse around their fingers. The way her back straightened before her abs crunched and relaxed. They remembered her muffled screams, as they unclamped her swollen nipples, and felt her collapse around their fingers again, sending her into another spiral just as violent as the one prior.

They wished they could be there again right now, without the gag, making her collapse around them. But instead they were sitting in the hideous orange chair as Luna came out from the bathroom, dressed for a night out.

“Get up, batch,” Luna said, pushing the long straight locks behind their shoulder, as a soft knock played against the door.

Lexa pushed up from their chair dressed in black leather pants and a green top that clung to their tight form. They glanced in the mirror, pushing a small curl back into their collection of braids, as Luna pulled open the door.

Lexa was met by a quick embrace from their eldest daughter and saw their brother standing in the doorway. They smiled at the man, as they placed a soft kiss on Raven’s head.

“Brother, you look handsome,” Lexa states, as the girl moved from them to hug Luna. Ryder looked down at the boot cut jeans that settled at his hips, and the black button up rolled partially up his arms. Smiling, he held up his arms slightly in a light shrug.

“I’ll say he does,” Luna stated, pulling Ryder’s attention from Lexa to the tanned woman looking him up and down.

Lexa watched as slight blush crossed his face and he took a moment to appreciate her in response. Raven slugged him, as what was suppose to be a momentary  glance turned into a longer stare, when Luna turned from him to the bed and was bent over slightly as she played with her purse, dumping out the unneeded mom items onto the bed.

Lexa slightly laughed, sucking in their lips to keep any sounds within, as not to embarrass Ryder for picking up right where they left off as kids. Lexa knew as a child that Ryder had a pull towards their best friend, but he was too nervous to ever act on it. _Maybe, he’ll find his balls tonight._

“So where are we going?” Lexa asked their friend.

“Well, this is your bach- whatever the hell we are going to call it party,” Luna stated, not skipping a beat when she realized that she had no idea what to call a gender-neutral bachelor party. “I found a dark place to get you completely smashed and let you dance your ass off, before you become chained to _the sun_.” Luna’s over dramatic use of the pet name they had given Clarke made Raven and Lexa laugh, while Ryder stood by with a slightly furrowed brow.

“Dance, Luna, I don’t dance,” Lexa said, shaking their head.

“Yes, you do, Nontu,” Raven stated, looking back at Luna, who was also shaking her head.

“No, I don’t.”

Raven laughed heartily this time, as they moved from the room and into the open air hall way. After a minute, she stated, “Remember that time that Mom convinced you to dance on that table on the patio?”

Lexa eyes shot open wide, as they sputtered, “You’re …. You weren’t… How do you know that?”

Ryder and Luna were now laughing as Lexa had stopped dead in the center of the hallway, blocking everyone’s way. Raven placed a hand on Lexa’s shoulder and pushed them back into motion.

“We came home early from the movies that night. O slept in my room, because we could tell you were both pretty drunk and I didn’t want the poor girl to have to listen to that nonsense,” Raven explained.

The group had made it to Ryder’s Avalanche, and Lexa was pulling themselves up into the back seat, alongside their daughter, as she added, “For what it is worth, you have awesome moves. Especially since you have like no hips.”

Lexa’s lips pouted as they huffed a breath of air out, “I do too have hips.”

“Nope, no hips, Lex,” Luna stated, casting a soft laugh over at her shoulder as she reached her arm across the center console and rested it on Ryder’s seat back, just millimeters from his buzzed neck line.

“You people suck,” Lexa cried out exasperated as they looked down at their outfit. _Clarke likes my hips. And my hands. And my lips. And my-_ but they were ripped from their day dream of Clarke’s appreciative gaze over their naked form, as she pushed within them, always so softly and with such care. They felt the flush creep from their flat belly, and up their chest.

“Stop it,” Raven stated.

Lexa looked over at her, “What?”

“You’re thinking dirty things about Mom, and its gross,” the girl stated, giving them a challenging look.

“I wasn’t.”

“You just let out a tiny moan, and were blushing as you looked off into space. If you get too excited those pants will shrink and you won’t be able to get them off,” the girl teased, drawing an even darker flush that burn their face to the surface.

“I did not moan!” Lexa exclaimed, but even though their voice rose and octave there was no way to deny that the girl was probably right.

_I can’t help that I miss her. And that I would rather be dancing my hand within her. That she would sway her hips to my rhythm-“_

“Seriously, I am getting grossed out. Can we switch Tia Luna?” Raven begged, and Lexa smiled realizing they had probably let out another noise that would disturb the teen.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke had managed to some what escape the bachelorette party. She wasn’t a huge fan of parties, enjoying just simple gathering of friends. In place of the party, she had managed to convince Abby, Lidia, and Octavia to settle for a simple dinner at a local restaurant that served locally grown produce and had a large selection of beers on draft.

Wearing a soft blue dress, with Lexa’s leather jacket, she was ready to leave, after fluffing her hair with the expensive no-crunchiness moose. She left the bedroom, that Lexa had been literally pulled out of earlier that day. She was slightly irritated that Ryder had entered the room and physically pulled Lexa from the bed, tossing them over his shoulder and carried them from the room, stating that Lexa was being stolen away for their night-before party. Lexa was yelling and pounding their fist into their brother’s ass that was all to close to their face, and Clarke was unable to assist, as her body was still recovering after the intense scene from the night prior. She had allowed Lexa to take even more control, including binding her to the bed by both her wrists and ankles in the all fours position. Where they had teased her mercilessly, before applying the claps that the two had agreed on to her nipples. She will admit that she had not been prepared for the sensation of tight pain that mixed with the jolts of sensation that ran throughout her nerves into her clit. After the feather like touches, turned to warming rubs, she felt Lexa’s hand collapse across her ass cheeks as she took their vibrating strap.

Her ass still held the finger marks, but she regretted none of it. Even though she had failed to remain silent during the action, causing the brunette to withhold any clitoral stimulation until they had tried of being on knees after they themselves had climaxed once making the vibrating strap too much to handle. So they unbound her, and held up the ball gag that they had also yet to use. One she had it firmly secured in her mouth, they were pressed against her back, taking her on her side. She trembled uncontrollably with every graze they gave the clamps, with one hand. And when she was in the exact position they wanted her, Their other hand pushed within her from behind and they continued their punishing menstruations within her.

But when Lexa breathed into her ear, “Come for me, Prisa,” and barely touched the tip of her clit. She felt her mind go black, and flashes of lights glittered under her lids. Then her nipples were rushed with blood, before she was even fully conscious from the first wave of bliss, as Lexa removed the clamps. Her body shook once more; her ability to focus on anything other than the spiral of emotions that flushed every fiber of her being.

She could still feel their breath on her neck, telling her words in Spanish that they later explained meant _perfect little slut_. Clarke shook her head as the memory rose her body temperature, and she tried to calm of pulsing between her thighs by squeezing them together. But all she felt was the overwhelming amount of moisture her panties were accumulating.

Octavia stood in the doorway of the master bedroom, and laughed a little as she said, “Do you need a new pair of panties before we go out?”

Clarke looked up in surprise, “Excuse me?”

“You just moaned,” the girl said as one side of her face scrunched in minor disgust. “I am assuming you were thinking about the awful things they were doing to you last night that caused you to scream out in the most disturbing way.”

“Sorry, baby,” Clarke said, turning away from the girl. “I was trying really hard to be silent.”

Octavia shook her head and moved within the room, wrapping her arms around her mother, and they looked into the mirror at their combined reflection.

“As long as you’re happy. You can be as loud as you want. I have learned to sleep with a pillow over each ear. I may patent the idea and sell it on Shark Tank.” The girl’s eyes were bright as she continued, “When they ask me how I came up with the idea, I will say this is the result of parents in the BDSM community that fuck like rabbits.”

Clarke laughed and pushed at the girl with her butt, but then retracted quickly as the sensitive flesh was still throbbing with every touch. _Well dinner will be fun_.

“Come on, Mom,” Octavia said, not waiting for Clarke to respond to her future sales tactic.

**~Ryder~**

Ryder parked the truck outside of the establishment that Luna directed him too. The place was small, but the outside looked indie and he figured this was something that Lexa would probably enjoy. They were all out of the truck, and they could hear the live band playing within pushing through the various cracks of the door. The nice part was the place was a restaurant, so they didn’t have to worry that Raven was underage.

As they made it into the somewhat dimly lit area, Luna found a table and claimed it, while Raven went to the bar and retrieved them all some menus. Overall the food was amazing, and they were enjoying seeing the goofy Lexa that they had grown up with that emerged with Luna’s presence. Plus, Luna’s presence was something he couldn’t deny was uncomfortable either.

They had grown up with Esperanza’s daughter, though they went to a different schools, Lidia had always made sure that Esperanza followed with them from base to base, when they had left their small suburban home in Georgia. They had parted ways in San Diego though, after Lexa had left.

He watched as the two friends rekindled their friendship, and Raven appreciated the band, as well as being allowed to join their party.

“Dance with me,” he heard Luna’s voice, but he was still watching the band until he felt Raven’s fist connect with his shoulder.

“Dude, she is asking you to dance,” the teen says a little too loudly that the girl with purple hair at the table next to them turns and casts them ‘shut-the-fuck-up’ glare. But Raven wasn’t shaken, as she put on her own resting bitch face that said, ‘bring it fucker.’

Ryder glanced over at Luna who was now standing beside him, with her hand out. He looked to Lexa, who gave him the Trikru classic nod, and smiled in encouragement. He wasn’t far enough away, when he heard the teen say to his sibling, “So do you think she is going to become my real Tia?”

Ryder couldn’t help but think, _I wish._

Luna pulled him one the dance floor, and without much warning, Luna’s body was pressed against his. He wondered if it was just him being hopeful, but her eyes were dark, and he wished that it was for him, but he was clueless because it had been seven years since the last time he danced with a woman that was taller than three and a half feet.

But he found, he really didn’t need to dance much, because Luna was dancing around him. He felt her finger graze his bare skin, and knew that instantly he was blushing.

“Ryder, its been a long time,” she said to him softly, as her hands found their way around his neck, and he took the opportunity to hold her to him, feeling her body flush against his as his hands held her swaying waist.

“Its been too long, Salior Moon,” he said, then instantly regretted busting out her childhood nickname from him, and she scrunched her brows at him.

“I am not a little kid anymore,” she said, pressing her head to his chest. He wondered if she could hear how fast his heart was beating, as she touched him. _Its just the bass, not that I am in love of anything._ But then he realized, _but fuck she is so pretty_.

“No, you’re not a child,” he said, pulling her in a little tighter.

She looked up at him, and stated, “We have children now.”

“Yeah, Gustus seems like a great young man. You did well on your own,” he said, looking down into her deep chocolate eyes.

She sighed, “How long have you been alone with the mini Lexa?”

“Six years.”

She pulled back from him and paused looking at him, “Six years? Where is her mother?”

He shook his head. “She left one day. She lives with a boyfriend in Texas now. Said she wasn’t ready for kids.”

“You deserve better,” she stated to him.

He gave a half smile, then played the only card he had, “Ain’t no body got time for that.” And the words pulled the laughter from the woman, as she smacked him lightly and went back to moving with the beat.

He looked down at her again, and decided it was time, “You know you look beautiful tonight.” And she smiled at him, a soft pink tinting the toffee color of her cheeks.

She pushed against him again, “I have been waiting for 14 years to hear you say that. You just made my thirteen year old self finally breath easy.”

It was his turn to laugh,  but he probed a little, “Thirteen huh? What about the twenty-seven year old?”

“Yeah, she is happy too,” and she looked up at him, as he pulled her in for a first sloppy rushed kiss, as the man had little practice during the better part of the last decade.

But it was okay, because Luna was kissing him back. Luna was kissing him back, and had admitted to crushing on him since he was a pimple faced teenager.

_Why did I wait so long?_

**~Clarke~**

 

What Clarke hadn’t expected, was to see Ryder’s truck already parked out front of the restaurant that she had researched and was excited to try. The website had promised live music and local food, something difficult to find in Phoenix.

“They beat us,” Abby said, also recognizing the car.

Clarke pouted, “But this is where I want to eat.”

Octavia scoffed from the back seat, “Is this was only child Mom looks like?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Abby stated, to which Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Who cares. We don’t have to sit with them,” Octavia adds, getting out of the Audi that Lexa may or may not know that Clarke was driving. In her defense though, Lexa was always telling her the Prius was a death trap, so it would only make since that they would want her to drive the safer vehicle on the night before their wedding.

Clarke followed her daughter into the restaurant, with her mother and future mother-in-law trailing behind her.

When they entered, Clarke only a moment, to feel Octavia slapping her arm and pointing to a man and woman lip locked on the dance floor. “What the fuck, O… Oh…” she said taking in the large bulk of Trikru genes pressing against the small Hispanic woman that was on her toes meeting his lips… and she saw his tongue. _Yep, definitely just saw Ryders tongue… in Luna’s mouth_.

Clarke shook her head, as Octavia said, practically jumping up and down, “I am going to have an auntie, Mom. I am going to have an auntie.”

“Whoa, O, slow down. I think that may be like a first kiss. Let them figure it out,” Clarke said, casting a glance back at Lidia who was staring at the two. “Did you see that coming?” Clarke asked her, and she shook her head and furrowed her brow. Clarke noticed how Lidia shut her mouth, and her lips were almost straight.

“Not a fan?” Clarke asked, which Lidia just looked at her without answering. Clarke titled her head and stared at the older woman, choosing her words carefully. “Well remember, you hated me at first too, but she has a kid too, so maybe you’ll get another grandkid. Remember you tend to like them.”

Lidia’s look could have possibly killed Clarke given the opportunity, but it just made Clarke send her a cocky, ‘I got you’ smile.

Turning, she saw the eyes that she had missed all day. They were dark, with minimal green edging, that caused Clarke to take in a sharp breath, as she remembered how only this morning those eyes were tracing her naked flesh before the brother had hauled them from their room, causing Clarke to pull the sheet over her still bare skin, unable to help rescue Lexa from his grip.

Now they were there though. Only feet away, but Octavia was pulling her to the opposite side of the restaurant to an open table, where Abby and Lidia were already seated. _Okay, maybe I was staring for a moment too long._

She took the menu that was being handed to her, but quickly found the eyes again that were commanding her to come to them, and she barely managed to stay in her seat, long enough for Abby to learn what she wanted and move from the table to order their food at the bar.

“Stop staring. You look like a creeper,” the teen said to her, a angry glare that their night had been interrupted by the future parent.

Clarke rolled her eyes, turning her attention to the girl, “I am not a creeper, since I am marrying that person over there tomorrow.”

“But this is your bachelorette party, Mom! We get a no Lexa night to just be you again,” Octavia whined, but Clarke put a hand over the girl’s.

“Baby, when you are getting married you will understand that a night without them is not something you want. You are excited to be with them. Like you are only half of you without them,” she explains.

“Ugh!” the girl said and pushed away from the table, walking through the tables where she met her sister, who was just as irritated that their side had been interrupted. Clarke watched the girls only for a moment, before she locked eyes with Lexa again, and watched as they moved from their table towards the back of the restaurant. Without casting a glance to the table, Clarke stood and stated, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

~Lexa~

They were making their way to the bathroom, hoping that Clarke was following so they could press her to the wall, and continue fulfill their need to touch in only the way that they are allowed. But they didn’t make it, because there was a hand on their arm that was stopping them.

Lexa turned quickly, and grabbed the woman’s waist, saying, “Clarke, I need at least a little privacy if I am to…”

But it wasn’t Clarke that had stopped them.

No, the person flush against the front of them was hard, muscles tights and their angles jagged.

No, the person’s hair was dark, and her eyes too dark to be just brown; the areas that should be white, were pink, and her breath reeked of beer and garlic.

“Lex-sa, is that choo,” the voice screeched over the band, in the echoing hallway. Lexa pulled their hands away as though they had been burned, as the woman pushed forward against them. “I missssed chou, Lex-sa,” she slurred into Lexa, as they tried to back away from the brunette that kept advancing.

But she stopped. She stopped, as Lexa hit the wall behind them, trying hard to avoid any contact with the female that had once been their lover, their sub, and that they thought they would marry.

 _Costia_. _What the fuck is Costia doing here_? But Lexa doesn’t have time to work through these thoughts, because blonde curls were blocking their view. Their nose tickled from the small fly aways that were brushing against their lips and nose, as Clarke placed her body between them and someone she clearly saw as  a threat.

“I don’t know you, but you need to get your drunk ass off my fiancé,” they heard the words of steal leave their love’s husky voice. _She is so hot when she is angry._

**~Clarke~**

The woman backed up barely, giving Clarke enough space to look her up and down.  She noticed the woman’s slim waist and scrawny arms. At first she was ready to punch the bitch in the face, but then she realized she didn’t know what she had walked into.

After all it was only a few months prior that Finn was seen wrapped around a similarly thin girl, darker skinned girl, and all of Clarke’s insecurities of her curves came flooding back.

“Don’t worry, blondie, I know Lex from a long time ago. She use to be mine, you see and I just wanted to see who she was doing. I have missed her,” the woman says, glaring at her with dark, blood shot eyes.

And then it hits Clarke, _Costia. This is the only other person Lexa has ever been with_.

“Well, thanks for warming _them_ up. And how about we repeat history and you turn your ass around and walk away,” Clarke practically growled, adding extra emphasis on the word ‘them.’ Because just incase Lexa was having second thoughts about choose someone that was not model thin, they still had the woman that saw them for who they were and loved them for it.

She felt their hands on her hips and their mouth breathing gently next to her ear, as they whispered, “That’s Costia.”

Clarke nodded in understanding, and she placed one hand over Lexa’s protectively, as Costia opened mouth again, exhaling a throaty laugh into Clarke’s face that honeslty caused her to slightly gag.

“What the fuck, did you eat a fucking clove of garlic or do you just need to invest in a fucking toothbrush?” Clarke choked out in an effort to dispel all of Costia’s cootie filled air.

Costia’s gaze turned angry, and she got only closer to Clarke, “You are very rude, blondie. Why don’t you just take your fake blonde ass somewhere else, so I can speak with my old friend.”

Clarke felt Lexa pull her, and she fought the urge to stop them from stepping in front of her because she didn’t want them anywhere near them.

“It was nice to see you, Costia. I had the opportunity to see why you leaving was the best thing possible for me. Clarke and I however are celebrating the eve before our wedding; therefore, it is time for us to be leaving,” and before Costia could speak, Lexa was tugging Clarke towards the front of the restaurant where the rest of their family was now waiting at a single table.

Octavia apparently did not pick up on the frustration of the two bodies approaching, as she said, “You had to run off to the bathroom to fuck. You couldn’t just wait one more day.”

Clarke shook her head, “We didn’t make it to the bathroom-“ but she was cut off, as a hand spun her around and she barely had enough time to move ever so slightly to dodge the fist that was coming for her face. She was about to lose her balance, but Lexa was there with their steady hands pulling her into them, as Costia’s scrawny form continued forward and landed chest first into the table of food.

A balding man rushed from behind the bar, “What the hell is going on?”

Clarke flushed and looked at her very confused family. She pulled a hundred and fifity dollar bills from her wallet that she retrieved quickly from her purse, and handed them to man. “I’m sorry. We seem to hve had a bad run in with an ex girlfriend. This should cover our food and damages, and if we could. I would like to take my family and leave now.”

The man took the money and looked between all of the people, before nodding, “Yes, this should cover it.”

And they exited. Clarke could pin point the exact moment that Lexa realized she had driven their car.  Their eyes grew wide, and cast a glance at the blonde. They opened their mouth, but Clarke pressed her fingers up to their lips, “Your ex just tried to punch me in the face, Lex. I get to drive the car tonight.”

She watched as they swallowed, and then nodded in agreement. Pulling her hands away, she pressed a soft kiss to their lips.

“Okay, I guess take out it is,” she whispered, and then, “I will see you tomorrow at the doorway to our next stage right?”

Lexa just nodded, not wanting to let her go. But they did, when Ryder grasped their shoulder, holding them in place as the woman of their dreams got into their precious car and drove down the street.


	77. Chapter 77

~Lexa~

Lexa was still outside of the restaurant with Ryder and Luna, when Costia was escorted shakily from the establishment by the large bartender that had taken Luna’s drink order. They watched as the brunette wavered a little, placing a hand on the outside of the building to hold herself up. Her glassed over eyes finally looked over the three that were standing by watching, and she tried to stand up straighter.

“So you’re getting married to the bimbo?”

Lexa clenched their jaw, fighting the urge to slap the drunken mess before them. “Her name is Clarke, and she is far from a bimbo. Really she is perfect in every means of the word,” and the thought of the woman that they were to marry brought a slight smile to their lips.

But it was ruined by Costia’s scoffing and choked laugher, as she said, “Must not be that perfect since she is settling for a freak.”

Lexa’s body flushed with frustration and insecurity as they took in what the woman that they had given four years of their life to. The woman they had thought they would ask to marry them. They cast a look to their brother, and noticed that he was standing rigid, with Luna’s hands wrapped around his arm. They appreciated that Luna knew they liked to fight their own battles.

But then they felt Raven, seething beside them, as she hissed, “My mom is not a bimbo, you fucking bitch.” Lexa held out their hand to stop the girl from doing something that they all may regret.

Turning back to Costia, Lexa stated, “I may be a freak, but I am happy, Costia. I am so happy that that woman chose to love me. Love me for being exactly who I am. I really did the better end of the deal when you left, Cos. You see this is my kid, and the other one that was there was my other girl. I have a family. I have people that love me and its okay that you didn’t. Its okay that you left. You did what was best for you, and for me. I would have always been a freak to you, but to them, I get to be a parent. I get to be a partner. So thank you.”

Costia swallowed, lips tight, and Lexa could see the shame and unhappiness pooling from the woman. They wondered if this was who Costia always was. But it was okay, because they had Clarke. They weren’t ashamed of being different anymore. They were who they were, and the people that mattered saw that.

After several moments of silence, Costia seemed to sober slightly and shame flushed her tanned face. Looking Lexa over, she said, “You look good, Lex. I’m glad you found what you were looking for.” Then she turned and started to stumble down the street slightly.

Taking a glance back at Ryder and Luna, they nodded their head towards the truck. Taking Raven’s hand they pulled her with them as they followed in the direction that Costia was attempting to head.

“What are we doing?” Raven asked, casting questioning glances at them, but they just nodded in the direction of their ex.

“She is drunk and we both know bad things happen to drunk girls stumbling down the road. She may be a bitch but she doesn’t deserve to get raped trying to get home.”

Raven nodded in understanding. They had both lived on the street long enough to know that Costia was not in a good position and was an easy target.

“Cos,” they called out, and the woman turned towards them.

When she turned towards them, they could see the tears that were streaking the cheap eye liner down her face. Shaking her head, she choked out, “What Lexa?”

They had reached her spot, placing a hand below her elbow. Raven took hold of the other side. “We’re going to help you get home.”

“I don’t need your pity, Lex-sa,” the woman said, but didn’t fight them.

Raven shook her head, “This isn’t pity, idiot. This is called kindness.”

Costia looked over the girl, and then at Lexa, “She’s too old to be your kid, Lex.”

“I’m going to be adopted next week,” Raven said puffing out her chest in pride. Lexa smiled at their girl.

“Is the blonde older? She didn’t look old,” Costia said, and they started moving further down the street.

Lexa looked at Costia, and then back forward. “She is only two years older than me. She adopted our other girl, and then we found Raven.”

“Correction, I found Clarke, and then you found us,” the girl said, as they made a turn down a dark street, where a very questionable building stood.

Costia pointed towards the building, “That’s it.”

Lexa looked over the dilapidated structure that held none of the beauty that they had become accustomed to seeing in the Flagstaff area. “Costia, how did you end up here?”

Costia laughed a little, “Recession. Not a lot of call for someone with a BA in Sociology.”

“What about your family?”

Costia laughed a little, “My parents disowned me many years ago, Lexa. I didn’t want to tell you because the concept of family was always so important to you.”

Lexa’s eyes scrunched in confusion, but Costia filled in the missing blanks. “We were never going to see my parents. I couldn’t tell you, so I left. I found the ring. I knew what you were going to ask, and realized I couldn’t be the person you needed.” She glanced at Raven, and nodded at the girl, “You got a great life.” And then, “I’m sorry I tried to punch the blonde.”

“I’ll pass along the message,” Lexa said.

They reached the door to a dingy apartment. Costia dug through the fake purse, and pulled out the keys, then fumbled with the lock on the door. When the door was open, she looked back at her two escorts. “I would invite you in, but your germaphobia may send you into a heart attack.”

Lexa laughed a little, and they said, “You always were a slob. My youngest daughter could rival you though.” This earned a laugh Raven, who knew all to well of Octavia’s aversion to cleaning.

Costia leaned against the doorway, and silence gradually encroached the group. Raven shifted her weight on her feet, and Lexa knew it was time to go.

“Thank you,” Costia said, looking Lexa over once more.

Lexa nodded in acknowledgement, and felt as Raven took the crook of their arm. “Come on, Nontu. Before Uncle Ryder comes searching for us.”

They turned with the girl, leaving the woman of their past at her door. Raven pressed into their side slightly, and said softly, “So that was your ex?”

Lexa nodded, placing their hand on Raven’s hand, “Thanks, Ray.”

“You’re a good person, Nontu,” the girl responded. “I am sorry she hurt you, but I am glad you found us.”

Lexa hummed slightly, a smile spreading over their face. Seeing Costia lifted away the sense of loss from them. They realized it wasn’t that they weren’t good enough. Costia left them out of her own shame. Because she had felt she wasn’t good enough for them.

And now they had Clarke. They had Raven, and they had Octavia. They were lucky and their life was exactly the way it should be.

**~Clarke~**

After leaving Lexa outside the restaurant, she drove them to Denny’s. When they pulled up to the restaurant, Octavia smiled and got out of the car, while Lidia and Abby looked at the crappy exterior and then back to Clarke.

“This is where you want to eat?” Abby said, with a slightly look of disgust on her face, but Clarke just smiled and nodded. She exited the car with her mother and mother-in-law-tomorrow at her heels.

Once inside, Clarke saw that Octavia had already made it to their booth. Pointing to her kids, the hosted nodded in understanding. Sitting down, she quickly pulled the pie menu out, and began perusing it. Abby and Lidia were still looking at the two Griffins in shock, as they took their seats next to the two.

Octavia sensed their awkwardness and quickly began to fill the silence. “So, the first night we decided to give this whole Trikru-Griffin thing a try, it was in this booth. We cried, and laughed, and Nontu told me they wanted to be my parent. And I finally asked Mom if she was going to keep me forever, and she said yes, and I finally began to really think that you and fuckface were wrong. That she wasn’t just dealing with her guilt for putting me in foster care.”

Octavia paused to take a breath, but continued before anyone else could speak. “So when Nontu, like almost bolted the other day, we came here. But this time with Raven. Because we like needed to have the family talk again.”

When Octavia was quiet with a beaming smile, Clarke took her hand and held it, “You were always my end game, kid.”

Abby moved a little in her seat, and then met eyes with Octavia. “I am so truly sorry, O. I am sorry for all of the cruelty I dealt you, when you were already going through so much,” the woman whispered, and Clarke could tell she was about to cry.

Clarke pulled Abby into a side hug, and stated, “No tears tonight. We are here to enjoy our night. And the best way to enjoy your night at dinner is what my darling daughter?”

“Pie,” Octavia stated slightly bouncing in her seat next to Lidia. “Pie is always the correct aswer.”

Clarke looked over at Lidia, who was still clearly adjusting to the evening. “You okay?” Clarke asked.

Lidia nodded, but then said, “Are you alright?”

Clarke met her eyes, and realized that Lidia had recognized Costia. The woman that had been in the relationship with Lexa; causing Lidia to feel as though she was not welcome to attend Lexa’s graduation.

“I am fine,” Clarke answered confidently. “I mean, I am clearly a step up right.” And she tilted her head, flashing a $4000 smile that thanks to Abby’s fantastic dental coverage. Lidia gave Clarke a soft smile and nodded.

_Well that is kind of approval, right?_

**~Lexa~**

They lay in the stiff hotel room bed, with the pillows at were too flat and sheets that were scratchy. Luna had passed out and Esmeralda was snoring melodiously, both in the bed on the other side of the nightstand. Raven had curled up into a ball on the side of the bed that usually belonged to Clarke.

The girl had claimed they were staying to make sure that Lexa didn’t try to sneak home, but Lexa had a sincere impression that Raven was making sure Lexa did not get cold feet and disappear into the night.

Lexa pressed the home button of the black iPhone and was welcomed by a photo they had snapped just the night prior, after Clarke had fallen into a deep sleep. The photo showed the gentle smile that played across the spent woman’s face as she slept as their little spoon.

 _I love you, Klarke_ , they thought, missing the woman’s warmth beside them. Swiping across the screen they pulled open the text message, the detailed every conversation between them and Clarke. Every other message was deleted after the conversation ended. But not Clarkes.

They had every word. Every I love you. Every picture. They scrolled through the messages for a while, before the finally could handle missing the blonde anymore.

Tapping their thumbs to the screen, they sent her, “I miss you.”

It was a matter a moments, when they saw the three little dots, indicating that the blonde was typing to them. The phone vibrated as the little blue box popped up on the screen, “I miss you too.” And then, “In fact a missed you so much, that I came to see you.”

Lexa looked at the phone and read it again. _She’s here?_

Getting up from the bed, they made it to small night stand  and grabbed the key card that was laying in a pile next to their wallet. Putting it in the waistband of the tight yoga pants, they quietly flipped the security lock, and left the room as quietly as possible, taking one last look at Raven, hoping she didn’t wake and think the worst of them.

They moved down hallways and down the stairs to the Audi, where the blonde was sitting in the running car.

Lexa shook their head, smiling at the blonde as they got into the passenger seat of the SUV. “You drove my car again,” they said. But Clarke’s only response was meeting their lips with hers, which led to several minutes of passionate kisses.

“I couldn’t sleep,” the woman answered with her forehead touching Lexa’s. “I just needed to see you.”

Lexa smiled, and hummed a “me too,” as they pressed their lips to hers once more. They traced her jaw with their hand as they kissed again.

Pulling back, the blonde lay her head lazily against the headrest, and looked at Lexa. After a moment of silence, she brought up the elephant that was filling the car. “So that was Costia?”

Lexa sighed slightly, and nodded.

“She wasn’t what I was expecting,” Clarke confessed looking forward at the building.

Lexa took the woman’s hand and traced soft circles into the pale skin, trying to find a way to explain. Wondering how to tell Clarke about them and Raven walking Costia back to the questionably safe apartment after she had tried to deck Clarke in the face.

Lexa finally said, “She has changed a lot, but I got a lot of closure tonight.” Clarke cast a curious look at them, and they knew they had better start explaining. “After you left, they escorted her outside. She was still drunk and called me a freak-“

“You are not a freak,” Clarke jumped practically in the seat, gripping the steering wheel.

Lexa smiled at Clarke’s defense of them, “Thank you, Prisa. But after she finished being rather unpleasant, she apologized.”

Clarke’s blue eyes were searching their face again, looking for answers to the questions of how long did they speak, if they still had feelings for Costia, and many others.

“She was drunk. Like really drunk, so after I told her how lucky I was to find the woman of my dreams and about having two beautiful daughters, she kind of sobered enough to realize how much of a mess she looked. She asked me to apologize to you for trying to assault you. Speaking of which, I am impressed by your Matrix moves, Prisa.”

Clarke laughed a simple throaty snort, “I couldn’t get married with a black eye, Lexi.” Then she asked, “What else happened?”

Lexa took a deep breath, hoping that Clarke would not be angry.

“Well, she was still really drunk and started walking down the street alone. Walking is actually too kind, she was stumbling and trying to hold herself up against the wall.” They cast a glance over at the blonde, who was still watching them. “So Raven and I walked her back to her apartment, because I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her. Because we have teenagers that have been abused, and even though she was a bitch, she didn’t deserve that. So we walked her to her apartment, which is this like run down building that looks like a strong wind could crumble it. And while we were walking she told me she lied to me about her parents. That they had disowned her and she had left me because she thought she wasn’t good enough for me. That she couldn’t give me the family that I want.”

Clarke sat still as Lexa told her of the conversation outside the apartment, and how they did not go within the building. She was immobile. Just listening to them, and they couldn’t tell if she was mad, worried, or something else.

Because they couldn't tell what she was thinking, they began to ramble about how lucky they were to have her, and explaining to her that she was only person for them.

But they were interrupted as for the second time that night, Clarke’s fingers were pressed against Lexa’s lips.

Her blue eyes were glistening in the haloed lights of the hotel, as she whispered, “You are such an amazing person, my love. Thank you for taking care of her. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for loving me and showing me that I am worth loving. Because Lexi, I love you so much.”

Lexa had no words, so they gently pulled the back of her head to them, and they kissed again; this time gentle, and filled with the vanilla emotions of soothing tenderness of adoration.

“I don’t want you to leave,” they whispered between kisses.

Clarke smiled as she pressed her lips to theirs, and she whispered, “I already got us a room.” It was Lexa’s turn to smile, because Clarke hadn’t driven here just to drive home. Of course, she had already gotten them a room.

Getting out of the car, they ran to the driver’s side of the car, and opened the door for her. She led them to their room, and as she fumbled with the key card, Lexa pressed soft kisses to her neck. The actions caused the blonde to struggle with the temperamental lock, as she swore under her breath that why can’t places just have fucking keys anymore.

Once in the room, Clarke made her way to the bed and lay down, looking over at Lexa, waiting for them to join her.

“What room are we in?” Lexa asked, only to get a qwirked eyebrow of confusion from Clarke.

“112.”

Lexa pulled out their phone, and sent a text to Raven telling her the room number where they could be found. Seeing Clarke was still staring at them, they offered, “Your daughter is going to wake up in the morning and think I ran away. I want her to know I am just a floor down.”

Clarke laughed, pulling Lexa down on top of her, when they got closer to the bed. As she pressed kisses to their neck, she whispered. If I have things my way, she will hear that we are here.”

Lexa felt their chest flush as the suggest of making Clarke scream, but really they did not want to be commander at the moment. They wanted to feel Clarke collapsing around them yes. Hell, they had been reflecting on it all day.

But, not tonight.

Tonight, they wanted to kiss softly as they pulled her into lasting gentle waves of ecstasy. Pushing down on to her, they press her into the bed, looking into the eyes that looked like a midday eclipse.

“Tonight, we go slow,” they say, as they graze feather like touches up her arms.

**~Clarke~**

Lexa’s fingers were running over her back. After they felt she was being to grabby and persistent, they had rolled her only her stomach, and taken their time pulling the soft baseball t-shirt from her.

They were touching her carefully, with precise movement, relaxing her into every touch.

They had said no commander, so she was completely relaxed into the soft touches, and fire rose tingling the nerves of her back that waved under her skin through her arms and legs. Every touch, sent a new wave of emotional sensation, and she was gradually edging towards a precipice just on Lexa’s gentle strokes alone.

“Lexi,” she whispered slightly hoarse from her heavy breaths that were now accompanying each touch that she arched into.

“Yes, Prisa,” and she could hear the smile in Lexa’s voice.

“I’m getting…” she tried to finish her sentence but Lexa ran their fingers down her sides, brushing against the sides of her breasts that there peaking out from under of her.

Lexa breathed along her back, and gradually ran their tongue from the base of her neck down her spine to the small of her back. “Prisa, I have yet to touch you there.”

Clarke pressed her ass into the air, as Lexa traced what she assumed their hand prints from the night before. “I know, babe. I have never-“

Lexa’s fingers moved between the cheeks of her ass, and then caressed the pooling flesh of her soft silky lips.

“Do you want me to help you along then, Prisa?”

The touch combined with the Lexa’s breath next to her ear, made her spread her thighs more, allowing Lexa’s fingers to dip within her. She moaned, as the first two fingers slid easily within her, and they ran them softly along her walls. Stroking within her, in the most intimate way.

“Lexa, thank you,” she moaned out, as the heat rose up from her clit and her body shook in pleasure getting closer to her edge.

Clarke buried her face into pillow, as Lexa’s fingers entered again. Still moving slowly within and then gradually pulling out. The pace was steady and in normal situations would be tortuous; however, in this time and in this place, it was exactly want Clarke wanted.

Lexa’s fingers slow dancing within her, coaxing her into a pleasure filled abyss, which she met with open arms, as the stars flickered in her eyes.

Lexa’s warm breathe tickling against her ear, saying over and over, “I love you so much, Clarke.”


	78. Chapter 78

**~Raven~**

Raven woke earlier than normal, due to the cold sheets alongside of her. She jumped up looking throughout the room for Lexa, but was only met by the still sleeping forms of Luna and Esmeralda. She pushed up from the bed, and fought the urge to run to the bathroom for the much needed piss. Pulling on their jeans, they moved outside, forgetting the key. Once out in the open air hallway, she searched the parking lot, looking for Lexa.

 _Maybe they went for a run_ , she hoped, but then she saw the Audi parked in the lot and she realized that Clarke was here. And she laughed to herself, realizing that it was a hopeless pursuit trying to keep Lexa from Clarke for a night. She went to go back within the room, and realized that she did not have a key.

“Fuck,” she hissed, feeling the pressure in her bladder becoming excruciating. Looking around, she moved towards the lobby. When she made it to the desk, a tall blonde man with messy spiked hair greeted her with a cocky smile.

“Morning, Miss. How can I assist you,” he asked, and Raven blushed slightly at the look, but her abdomen crunched reminding her that she seriously needed to pee.

Taking a quick glance down at his name tag, she said, “Hi Kyle, my mom and I came in late last night and I forgot the key card in the room. Is it possible to get another copy?”

“Are you on the registration?” he asked, looking her over.

She bit her lip and leaned over the counter as seductively as she could. “Um, I’m not sure. Probably not since I am her kid and not her lover,” she said with a quirked smile.

He smiled back and she could see the slight pink rising in his cheeks, “Well let’s check. What’s her name?”

“Clarke. Clarke Griffin.”

He looked at her momentarily confusing crossing his face. “The blonde that looked like she was like 25 is your mother?” he asked skeptically.

Raven sighed, and shifted her feet. Irritated, she almost growled, “I’m adopted,” and then wondered if this is what Octavia always went through.

He nodded once, looking at her and then back down at the computer. Then he asked, “And you are?”

“Raven.”

He shook his head, and then explained. “I am sorry, but that is not the name I have listed on the room.”

She sighed heavily, and pushed her hand on her lower belly, tryingto relieve some of the pressure. “Look I really got to piss, so I will just go beat on the door. Can you tell me the room number.”

He quirked and eyebrow at her, and stated, “I thought you said you were with her.”

_Shit busted._

“Look I was with my other parent. They are getting married today, and my mom was suppose to be with my sister, but she snuck out, because my parents are serious horn dogs and can’t keep their hands off of each other. I need to know where they are.”

Kyle laughed lightly, and then said, “Your story keeps changing, so I’m sory but I can’t give you much information.” Raven stood up and turned to move out of the lobby, when she heard him speak again, “However, there is a restroom, just there.”

She turned to see where his outstretched hand was pointed. She nodded to him appreciatively and made her way there.

Before she entered, she heard Kyle’s voice, “I am sorry to disturb you, Ms. Griffin but I have a young woman up here claiming to be your daughter and requesting a room key.” She stood at the door, having turned to watch him, watching her. “Yes, ma’am. I will let her know you will let her into room 116, after she returns from the bathroom.”

**~Clarke~**

The loud phone, pulled her from her restful peace. She pushed up from her position slightly atop Lexa. She could see a small area of crusted over drool on Lexa’s sleeping chest, and smiled at the disgusted reaction Lexa would have when they realized she had left them a portion of her bodily fluids.

The phone rang again, and she moved over the bed and grabbed the receiver. With a raspy, still sleepy voice, she said, “Hello.”

_“I am sorry to disturb you, Ms. Griffin but I have a young woman up here claiming to be your daughter and requesting a room key.”_

Clarke smiled, and with a soft chuckle she said, “I am sure she is. Yes, she is my kid and you can give her a key.

_“Yes, ma’am. I will let her know you will let her into room 116, after she returns from the bathroom.”_

Clarke thought for a second, then said, “Can you stall her for a few minutes so I can wake up my fiancé and we can become… decent.”

“ _Yes, Ma’am. Not a problem.”_

Clarke hung up, and looked over at Lexa who was now watching her intently. Rolling back into her partner, Clarke nuzzled into the crazy brown frizz, and said, “Your daughter tried to convince the kid at the front desk to give her a key to our room.”

Lexa chuckled lightly, and then pushed the woman on her back, pressing a kiss to her lips. They both ignored the morning breath, and Lexa dipped her hand between Clarke’s thighs.

“How much time do we have?”

“Ten? Fifteen minutes tops?” Clarke exhaled, as she felt their two finger push within her still naked body.

“I can manage in that time,” and without another breath, Lexa’s lips met Clarke’s glistening core and went to work, quickly pulling Clarke into a blissful state as they ran their tongue over Clarke’s clit, flicking it repeatedly.

Clarke’s fingers were twisted within the wild mane, as she held Lexa’s face to her. Panting out pleads of don’t stop and harder.

She crossed the edge of her peak and began to tumble over when the door beeped, opened, the girl squealed in disgust and the door shut again.

From outside, they heard Raven call out, “You two are sick! You knew I was coming!”

Lexa giggled as they moved up Clarke’s body, trapping her lips in a kiss that tasted sweet and musky and distinctly Clarke.

After a moment, Lexa pulled the blanket over Clarke, and pulled on their pants. Clarke watched quite thirsty for Lexa to straddle her face. But there time was over. Because today they were getting married, and that meant she would have to leave in a few minutes.

Lexa found Clarke’s pj bottoms and tank top on the floor and tossed them to the blonde, who made quick work of pulling them on. Once she was dressed, Lexa moved to the door and threw it open.

Raven fell back a little, Lexa catching her before she could fall through the doorway and onto her ass. Once she was righted on her feet, with a soft laugh from Lexa, she growled, “You two are ridiculous. I hope when we go to therapy the lady tells you you have to be abstinent for a period of time, as pay back for trying to get me and O to wash our eyes with bleach.”

Tossing a glance back at Raven, as Clarke made her way to the bathroom, she said, “Well aren’t you dramatic today, Ray.”

Raven huffed, “Well I am sorry but you were not the one to walk into one parent getting tongue by the other.”

Shaking their head, Lexa stated, “Pretty sure we walked in on you straddling Bellamy.” One eye brow was slightly hitched, and Clarke could tell that Lexa was internally saying _bring it!_

Instead of continuing, Raven moved to the untouched bed and flopped down on it. She glanced around the room and then back at Lexa. “Isn’t it like bad luck to see the bride on the day of the wedding?”

Clarke went into the bathroom, and was relieving herself, when she hears Raven say, “Don’t roll your eyes at me. I don't’ want you to end up getting a divorce because you pissed off the wedding gods by having to finger fuck in the morning.”

“Raven,” and there was no missing the warning in Lexa’s tone.

“What?!” the girl said, but the playful tone is nonexistent.

“Ray, what is going on?” Lexa asked, as Clarke flushed the toilet. “I don’t understand why you are jumping at everyone.

Clarke washed her hands and watched the two staring at each other in the mirror. She remained quite, wanting the two to work out what ever was going on between them.

“I woke up…” Raven started, and Clarke realized that the girl didn’t get Lexa’s text.

Lexa dropped to their knees before the seated girl and took her hands. The moment was intimate and Clarke kind of felt that she was intruding upon Lexa and Raven, working through their issues.

Lexa leaned into the girl and pulled her chin up to meet their eyes. “Raven, I sent you a text. I didn’t want to worry you. I knew you would think that I left.”

“Then why didn’t you just stay?”

“Honestly, kid, because I needed to talk with your mom about Costia. I needed to make sure she was okay, after everything that happened. I needed to tell her that I drug you to Costia’s apartment to make sure she got home okay.”

Raven nodded in understanding, and Clarke released the breath that she had been holding.

“Ray, I’m sorry I stole Lexa from you last night,” She said sitting next to the girl and pulling her into a side hug. Raven looked over at her. “We didn’t mean to scare you, honey. We just really enjoy spending our nights in the same bed.”

“Plus you snore,” Lexa said pointedly. The statement caused, Raven to crack a smile, and Clarke knew it was true, but hey she snored too and Lexa never seemed to be bothered by it.

Clarke shared a soft smile with Lexa, before saying a brief, “I need to get going. Today is the day, and we all know that dress is going to take me awhile to get into. Plus, Octavia is probably shitting bricks that I chose to come here last night, as well.”

Raven reached over and pulled both Lexa and Clarke into a tight hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered into their chests.

“For what, Ray?” Clarke asked, holding Raven close.

Raven inhaled, “For being the best parents a girl could ever ask for.”

Lexa looked at Clarke, as they pressed their lips to the girl’s head. Clarke hung onto them both tighter, and smiled at Lexa. Pressing her face then to Raven’s ear, Clarke whispered, “I love you, Raven. Thank you for being a wonderful daughter.”

**~Charles~**

Charles Trikru stood in the kitchen stirring small pot of macaroni, as he watched the frenzy of women rushing around him. While they were all busy fussing over make-up or something else that he didn’t understand or have interest in, he was making macaroni and cheese for the two children sitting at the kitchen island coloring in pictures of some strange cartoon characters.

It was two hours before the ceremony, and everything had been set up but him, Ryder and the boys. He was biding time before getting ready, and realized that the cranky fight between the two children before him, was more than likely linked to the grumbling in the stomachs that he had subtly heard, while they each tried to out color the other.

Draining the water from the pan, he looked over at his like granddaughter. Her toothy grin, reminded him so much of the child that Lexa use to be. _My baby is getting married today._

Stiring in the powdered cheese, butter and milk, his thoughts were interrupted by the boy-men making their presence known. Each leaning on the counter with broad smiles plastered across their cheesy faces.

Charles couldn’t deny that the time he has spent with the boys had made him rather fond of them. Initially he had much distrust for the pseudo men, sneaking away with Lexa’s daughters, but gradually they had shown that they both were good boys; boys just trying to figure out how to be men in this world, without any sort of guidance.

“Mac and cheese is like a staple food. Are you going to add extra cheese?” Bellamy asked.

Charles shook his head, “This is for the kids.”

Bellamy pointed a finger to Lincoln, and stated, “Then he gets some. But that's not fair. I worked hard too.”

Charles chuckled, because Bellamy was just as much a kid as the bulky mostly bald kid before him. “The kids eat first. You can have the left overs.”

“Thank you, General,” Lincoln responded respectfully.

“Son, are you going to marry my granddaughter someday?” Charles asked pointedly. Lincoln looked over at Bellamy, whose grin had dissipated.

Turning back to Charles, he could tell the boy was nervous admitting his feelings in front of the other, but at the same point maybe this would be good for him.

“Yes, sir. I am going to marry her, when she is ready,” he confessed.

Charles patted the boy on the shoulder after he placed the bowls in front of the two children that were quickly scooping heaping spoons of the comfort food into their mouths. “Then son, please stop calling me General. Gramps works just fine.”

Lincoln looked down, and then back up at the man.

“Sir, can I ask you for a favor?”

Charles looked back at him, and nodded. Bellamy was still standing by and was looking at the counter, obviously aware of what ever was going on with the boy.

“My mom… she has missed the last several Skype sessions. I haven’t heard anything,” he paused. Charles looked at him momentarily and understood what the boy was asking for.

Lincoln wiped his face and stood up straight, hard like the warrior that his mother is. “Sir, can you see if she is okay?”

Charles nodded, and came forward, pulling the boy into tight embrace. “I am sure Colonel Woods is fine, but I will make a few calls and see what I can find out.”

Lincoln returned the hug stiffly, and Charles remembered how Ryder and Lexa had always returned his hugs in similar fashion growing up. Releasing the boy, he cast a look at Bellamy, who was presently digging into his own bowl of pasta, that he had dished out for himself. Bellamy met their gaze and he slip a separate bowl over to Lincoln, who took is hungrily.

Taking one last glance at the children and the boys, Charles moved from the kitchen and up into the bedroom. Once he was behind closed doors, he pulled out his phone and made the first call. He sat on the bed and took a deep breath.

Charles had known Indra Woods since she was an early recruit. She had been intense and impressive in her desire to be a lifer. He was part of the reason that she had risen quickly amongst the ranks, and now her son was worried about her. He felt guilt rising in his chest, having signed the order to deploy her once again.

Opening the phone, he dialed the number that would give him an answer to Lincoln’s question.

**~Clarke~**

Abby, Octavia and Lidia were rushing around the room. Clarke’s blonde curls were brushed and pulled until her hair was manhandled into a rather painful up-do. Now Clarke appreciated pain, but only at the hands of Lexa. This form of pain was irritating and Clarke was beginning to lose her patience with the number of people that were poking and prodding her.

She stood up, just as Octavia was moving to fast to avoid the blonde, and pretty much tackled her to the floor.

“What the fuck!” Clarke spit out.

Octavia giggled a little, and rolled off the woman who was now extremely exposed in nothing both her lingerie. “Sorry, Mom, but damn that is a hot outfit.”

Clarke blushed and laughed a little, thinking about the full lacy torso bra, that was clipped to the sheer knee high stockings. Pulling the pale blue satin robe, that Abby had gifted her, back around her, Clarke made her way back to her feet with the assistance with Octavia tugging on her arm.

“I’m sorry, O. I am just…” Clarke began, but she was interrupted by a knock on the door, and the curly headed brunette standing in the doorway holding out a Starbucks.

Lexa’s smile was broad, and Clarke couldn’t help but match it. Even when Octavia tried to stand between the two, yelling about traditions and bad luck. But Clarke’s hand was one the girl’s shoulder and then she was in Lexa’s embraces, kissing the person they were going to marry.

Between kisses, Lexa said, “I figured your caffeine level was running by about now, so I just wanted to make sure you were fully caffeinated before hand. Plus I know how you tend to spill coffee on yourself when you wear white, so now you can drink it before you put on your dress.”

Pressing another kiss to Lexa’s still speaking lips, she marveled in the way that Lexa literally brightened their day.

“Thank you, baby.”

Raven’s goofy smile snuck around the door, and she said, “Come on, Nontu. You promised just a moment, so let’s go. We have to get dressed and we have to do something with that frizz ball on your head.”

Lexa feigned offense, glancing over at blonde, and bowing out gracefully before slipping from the room. Lexa had barely left, when the small little girl ran into the room, and directly into Clarke’s arms. Octavia luckily saved the drink that Clarke almost squeezed all over the girl as she buried her face into Clarke’s stomach.

“Auntie Clarke, I look like a princess!” the girl cried out in glee. Clarke pushed her back a little so that she could take in the little girl dressed up.

“You look so pretty, Alexi,” Clarke praised her, and the girl turned to Octavia, hoping to get some response from her idol.

“You look gorgeous, A,” Octavia stated, handing the drink back to Clarke after taking a long sip from it.

“That’s MINE!” Clarke yelled, tearing the drink from Octavia’s hands and placing the straw protectively within her mouth. Taking in the sweet liquid, she let out a soft whimper of appreciation.

**~Lexa~**

Raven pushed them within Ryder’s room, and then turned on the shower. They laughed at the pushiness of the girl, but appreciated her drive the help them stay focused on the task at hand. Once the water was of temperature, Raven pointed to the shower.

“In, get all smell goody for Mom,” she instructed.

Lexa rolled their eyes, “Smell goody? Really?”

Raven laughed, “Shut-up. I am excited. It’s not every day your parents get married so they can become your parents. This is a big deal. Not just for you guys but for me also. I mean, hell if it wasn’t for me this would not even be your wedding day.”

Lexa titled their head and carefully looked at their daughter moving about the room, pulling out their outfits, that were similar yet different. The girl was clearly excited, and it made them smile.

“You’re right, Ray,” and the words caused the girl to stop moving momentarily. “You really are the gift that brought Clarke and I together. If it wouldn’t have been for you, I don’t know if I would have had the courage to realize I needed to fight for Clarke.”

Raven sat down on the bed and looked at them.

Sitting next to her, Lexa chuckled softly, “I still remember sitting on the couch staring at you, begging for a chance. I just remember feeling the need to protect Clarke and for some reason you as well. Its amazing how everything seemed to fall into place.”

Raven leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder, as the steam was falling from the open door of the shower. Lexa took a deep breath, before continuing.

“We went into that room, and Clarke she was just so beautiful, pacing the room. She was trying to figure out how to make it work. She knew she couldn’t turn you away. She knew then that she wanted you to be apart of the family, but I was so scared. I was so scared of the marks on you neck and the meaning behind them,” they confessed.

Raven sighed, hearing the story of why she got to stay.

“I looked at her as she stood before me, and I could see the tearing of her heart before my eyes. I knew she wanted me to stay but she wanted to open her doors to you as well. It was that desire to be something for everyone, that really solidified my desire to make things work with her. Plus she came up the solution. She asked me to Uhaul that day. She said ‘if we’re going to be a family, then we need to be under one roof.’”

Raven laughed, knowing that those words would totally fall out of Clarke’s mouth; however, there was probably a fuck or fucking in there as well.

They hadn’t finished their moment, when Ryder and Charles moved into the room, already in their suits.

“Lexi, what are you doing? You have to be at the alter in an hour,” Charles stated, eyes alarmed.

Lexa sighed, once again realizing how today would be a constant reminder of people expecting them to run away. Looking up at their father, they said, “I was having a moment with my kid, Dad.”

His eyes were gentle as he smiled down at them. Taking Ryder by the arm, he ushered him to sit next to Lexa. “Can I have a moment as well then, with you all?”

Lexa nodded, curious to see what he had to say, since they really had spoken little. He stood and began to pace the room, tugging at the tie that was fixed at the base of his throat. His uniform was stiff, the colored bars decorating his chest.

“Marriage is beautiful, but it is hard sometimes,” he began, and Ryder leaned over whispering “He’s going to tell you how to be a husband-“ but was cut off when Trikrus hand slapped his son gently across the head. Raven laughed and covered her mouth, as Lexa rubbed their head, where Ryder’s had collided with theirs.

“Son, shut up. This is my moment to tell Lexa how to keep a marriage,” Charles stated, pointing the military issue hat at the man that was slightly sulking like a boy. Ryder rolled his eyes, but held out his hand for their father to continue.

“As I was saying. Being married is not easy. Sometimes you will have to make choices that you never thought were possible,” and at his words, Lexa realized that this was less about how to make a marriage work, and more about explaining why he let them go.

“Today, Lex, you are going to stand before your family and friends and bind yourself to Clarke. This is a commitment that is supposed to last a life time, and if yours is going to then you have to understand a few things.” He pulled a chair over and sat in front of them, placing their hands in his.

He ran his fingers over theirs, and then met the matching green eyes, “Lexa, I put your mother and her feelings before you. I put them before Ryder. I took my oath to never leave her and love her forever, however, there came a point where I thought I had fallen out of love with her, because I wanted to do right by you.”

He took a deep breath, “I am not a perfect husband, and I failed in many ways by you and your brother. So my advice on this day, is not to follow every demand of your wife. My advice is to do what I never did.” His breath hitched slightly as the cool, general mask that he had taught his children completely evaporated.

 “You were always a little commander, Lexa, even as a child. Now, though you are about to move down a path towards no longer being the leader of your own army. You cannot hide behind a mask of indifference that you have built to protect yourself. No, my darling child, you must learn to be seen. Let your wife see you. See all of you. Let her hold you, when you feel weak. Let her speak when you are angry and being stubborn. Let her walk with you. Do not lead her, and do not follow her.”

He squeezed their hands slightly, “You both have a amazing sense of values, and your power to love is immeasurable. She truly is your equal in so many ways. That is what makes will make your marriage last.”

**~Clarke~**

Octavia was cinching up the last few lines of the blue satin cord on Clarke’s corset. The photographer was busily snapping photos of the teen helping her mother getting ready for the wedding. Clarke was sure that every picture the woman snapped was one where she was in mid sentence, her mouth wide agape of eyes half closed.

She repeated a few times, _this is not a photoshoot_.

Abby had reentered the room, and spoke quietly with the woman snapping photos. She left moments later, and Abby quickly explained, “I told her Lexa and their part are ready for their photos.”

“How does Raven look?” Clarke asked, having been denied the sight of her eldest daughter since she had drug Lexa away.

Abby smiled, “Like Lexa to be honest. She is so excited, strutting around like she owns the place, holding onto her suspenders.”

Clarke smiled at the image. Abby had stopped and took in the sight of Clarke in sleeveless white satin. She reached out and delicately ran her fingers over the blue stitching that decorated the bodice of the dress.

“You look gorgeous, Clarke,” Abby practically whispered, tears pricking at her eyes.

Clarke’s grin grew and she looked down at her dress. Carefully, she asked, “Do you think that Dad would have liked it?”

Abby nodded, “Yes, Clarke, he would have loved it. He would have loved Lexa, and your girls. He would have been so proud of you baby. You really did live up to every expectation he had for you.”

Octavia moved from behind Clarke, with a smile on her face, “He would have loved me?”

Abby again nodded, and pulled the girl in the knee length sapphire blue dress into them. “Yes, O. He would have loved you so much.” Octavia sniffed, and held her Grandmother.

Clarke stood by watching, as her mother and daughter had another bonding moment, and she would be lying if she didn’t admit that she was slightly jealous of the relationship that Abby was able to build with Octavia, but never with her.

Turning back to her, Abby was looking her over carefully.

“Clarke, since your father is not here, I need to tell you somethings for both of us.”

Clarke looked back at her mother, and gradually lowered herself down the foot of the bed.

Abby sat along side of her, and looked into Jake’s blue eyes staring back at her. She ran the backs of her fingers down the girl’s jaw, just like she did when the girl was always already in bed before she made it home.

“Clarke, your father was an amazing husband, I wish that I had learned how to be better a wife to him. He was always there for every big moment, and he knew the value of family before anything else. I think that came from his mother and father leaving him at a young age. He was hell bent on making himself a family. When he found out we were pregnant, I swear he picked me up and immediately started talking to you like you could already hear him.”

Clarke’s eyes brimmed slightly with tears, but Abby rubbed their hands together, “No tears, baby. This is a happy day. And I want you to stay happy. So when it comes to being married there are things you need to know. First of all Lexa will always be your other half, however, you will need other people in your life as well. You have a beautiful still growing family, but you must make time for one another as well. Too often you will fall into a routine, and couples forget to make time for each other. Your father was good at that, even if it was just bringing me lunch to work.”

Clarke nodded, as she listened to what her mother said.

Abby squeezed a little tighter, and then said, “Lastly, my darling girl, love them. Love them completely and wholly for who they are. Love Lexa for the fact that they are a germaphobe. Love them when they are insecure, and love them when they are too proud to think they need anyone else. You must be there with them at every event for them and with them. Don’t miss the school play of the game, because it becomes too easy to miss the next one. Be there together, and show your children what a union between too people is suppose to look like.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around Abby’s neck, and Octavia joined them, having found a seat on the floor and listened to all the lessons Abby was giving.

It was the soft tap, by Lidia at the door. She nodded to Abby that is was approaching the time to begin. Abby pulled away from her girls, and looked back at them.

“I have to go speak briefly with Lexa,” finish the last touch up, because the marching music should be starting soon.”

**~Abby~**

Abby moved with Ryder’s bedroom, just as Raven was leaving. She cast Abby a broad smile and tugged on her suspenders before heading down stairs where the boys were waiting.

Lexa was alone in the room, when Abby entered. They were standing before their full length mirror, and Abby took a moment to appreciate the person that Clarke was about to commit herself too. Lexa must have caught sight of her in the mirror, because they turned and cast her a slight smile as they looked down at their attire.

“You look very dashing, Lexa,” Abby offered.

“Gracias, Abby,” Lexa responded softly.

Abby moved forward, and took a seat on the bed, watching as Lexa turned one last time and adjusted the ivory tie at their neck.

“Lexa, I need to tell you something,” Abby watched as Lexa turned back to her, and moved squatting before the older woman.

“Anything, Abby,” Lexa answered and waited, looking up at her. Their green eyes so young and for the first time Abby did not see any hint of sadness buried within the depths of emerald and jade staring back at her.

“Lexa, today you are marrying my only daughter. I have hurt her so much in her life. I need you to promise me not to make my mistakes. I need you to promise me that you will put her first, that you will go to every event that have to do with those girls and any other kids you two may have or adopt. I need your word that you will take care of my baby that you will be there even when you are scared…” and she felt as Lexa’s hands were on her face, brushing away her tears.

“Abby, I promise. I promise to…” But Abby couldn’t hear all of Lexa’s promises, because she was thinking about Jake. Wishing that she could have been the partner that she was begging Lexa to be.

She had loved Jake. She had never settled for the man that knocked her up on her eighteenth birthday. No, she had loved him and lost him too soon. Lost him just as her career was taking off and she was going to be able to be the wife he deserved.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to gather her composure. Lincoln was a the door, and she brushed away the final tears, as Lexa wrapped their arms around her for one final embrace as being Clarke’s fiancé.

“I love her, Abby,” they say. “I love her, and I am going to spend the rest of my life proving to her, just how much I love her.”

Abby nodded, and before leaving, she said, “Lexa, please call me Mom from now on.”


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!

**~Lexa~**

The music was playing, as guests were taking their seats in the set up that faced an open door way, with two old doors positioned on opposing sides. The door way was open to the show the Lake through it, and the a few blue and green flowers decorated the top of the frame. Overall the ceremony was simply set, and Lexa was impressed by the work that their father, brother, and sons had completed. They hadn’t been aware of the open door frame that Clarke had clearly requested, but it was so fitting for their life together that they couldn’t help but grin broadly.

They were marrying Clarke Griffin today. Today they would make the first step to officially being the Trikru-Griffin household, and they felt the excitement rippling through their body.

Everything that had happened; every choice that had been made in their life had led them here. They realized that the years they spent regretting walking out, and the years they had spent hating themself, is what made being here in this moment possible. If they hadn’t of left that night at dinner, they would not have had the time to come to terms with who they were. If they hadn’t spent many years knowing what it meant to not have a family, then they wouldn’t have wanted to embrace the concept of open doors so fully.

They wouldn’t have turned to reading fanfiction online, to find themself in characters. They wouldn’t have interacted with CGriffin online, and they wouldn’t have learned what it meant to want to stay somewhere.

Everything was so intertwined, as though this was always the path they were meant to take to get to Clarke and to their girls.

A soft rap on their door, pulled their attention from the door to the teen with chocolate hair flowing down her back. They would have smiled at the girl, but they were already smiling, so they just took in the beauty of their daughter.

“Raven, you look amazing,” they say softly, as the girl steps into the room.

Raven did a little turn, and then said, “Thanks. I was hoping I could pull off the Nontu look today.”

Lexa tossed their lower back length curls behind their shoulder and stood up straight. “You definitely wear it better than I do.”

Raven blushed slightly and hooked her thumbs in their suspenders. Glancing back at Lexa, she asked, “Are you scared?”

Lexa shook their head immediately, “No, Raven. I am so excited to marry your mom. I am so excited to make us a family.”

Raven slugged Lexa slightly, “Dude, we are already a family.”

Lexa absorbed this for a minute, because the girl was correct. No ceremony or piece of paper could make a family. They were a family because they loved each other. They were a family because they decided to embrace each other for their good and their bad.

“You ready,” she asked. And they nod, making their way out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

The air outside was warm, and the gentle breeze stirred the lake’s surface. They took note of the guests that were seated on either side, and chuckled slightly on the sign instructing the guests to pick a seat and not a side. The whole thing was so perfect and so open to everyone.

Lexa saw their father standing in their uniform between the two arches. Looking at him now, with his broad smile, Lexa remembered how just days prior he had produced a certificate certifying him as able to marry two individuals, pleading to be the person to unite them and Clarke. It was so endearing and so different from the man they had know growing up that they were incapable of saying no.

When the music changed, they step forward, just as had been practiced a few days prior. Raven was at their side, and Lexa was pretty sure the girl couldn’t smile any bigger.

It was fifteen steps.

_I’m marrying Clarke Griffin._

Fourteen steps.

_Clarke and I are going to be married._

Thirteen steps.

_Do you remember your vows?_

Twelve steps.

_Don’t fall._

Eleven steps.

_She’s really going to marry you._

Ten steps.

_Holy shit, I’m marrying Clarke Griffin._

Nine steps.

_What if she doesn’t like my outfit?_

Eight steps.

_Almost there._

Seven steps.

_Don’t trip._

Six steps.

_I can’t believe she said yes._

Five steps.

_She is really going to marry me, right?_

Four steps.

_I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in the world._

Three steps.

_Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit._

Two steps.

_Don’t puke._

One step.

_Oh my god, this is actually happening._

Taking the last step, they look up at their father. His smile is nothing but joyful, and it is possibly the most happy they have ever seen him. Raven kisses them on the cheek and takes her spot to their right.

The music shifts again, this time playing the familiar melody that plays every time that Octavia calls. They turn and see as Alexi prances down the aisle with a gentle sway to the acoustic melody, dropping small green leaves along the path.

“I'm never gonna look back

Whoa, I'm never gonna give it up

No, just don't wake me now

Oo-o-o-o-oo

This is gonna be the best day of my life”

Octavia exits the door next, in her satin blue dress. Her dark hair was curled and flowing freely, as she proceeds to dance down the aisle with the gentle guitar strums. There was no simple walk, no she shook her hands in the air and moved her hips as she danced to towards them.

Stopping just before them, she leaned in and pressed her red lips to their cheek; the opposite side that Raven had kissed only a few moments prior.

Lexa smiled at their younger daughter, who took her place just to their left, leaving room for Clarke.

Everyone stood, and were looking back at the house, so they took the opportunity to take one last glance at each of their daughters, before turning back to the house and they found they lost the ability to breath.

 The clouds shifted in that moment, darkening everything except the beauty standing at the top of the stairs, gazing down at each step. They gasped slightly, as they saw her. They saw the one woman that could stop time.

The sun beamed down over where she was gently taking the few steps down.  Her glittering blue Toms, peaking out from under the dress that was clearly made for her. No one could wear that dress that look more like a princess.

But then she looked up, her blue eyes meeting theirs and Lexa gasped. Intaking what they thought may very well be their last breath.

**~Clarke~**

Octavia was ruffling her dress, spreading out the material down the back. Lexa had made it to the alter, because the music had shifted. Abby was busy pushing Alexi out the door, who danced with the song that she had selected.

The song was important to her, because the truth was, Clarke hated weddings. She hated dressing up for them, and sitting through a boring ceremony. Its not that she hated seeing people loving each other and declaring their love. She just hated the big spectacle about it all. So today, she want to have fun.

She didn’t tell Lexa about the song that she was going to play. She didn’t tell Lexa that Octavia and her would both be dancing as they moved down the aisle. She was excited to see their surprise as she moved down the aisle. She was hoping it would earn her a similar look to that from that second time that they stood in her living room, watching Octavia and her dancing in the living room.

Abby ushered Octavia through the door, and Clarke was shifting on her feet wanting to peek out and catch a glimpse of Lexa before they saw her. The girls and Lexa had kept Lexa’s choice of attire under wraps, but she was informed earlier that Raven was in suspenders, which means Lexa was probably wearing some too. And Clarke loved Lexa in suspenders.

Finally, she heard her cue to move, as the lyrics hit her verse. Abby placed her hand on Clarke’s arm, and for a moment, Clarke missed Jake more than she ever thought was possible. But she shook her head and brushed her painful thoughts away. Because Lexa was waiting for her.

Breaching the doorway, the only thing at first she can see is every standing and looking at her. Her cheeks flushed lightly at the attention, when she catches sight of Lexa, whose back is to her.

They are looking at their girls, and she falls in love all over again.

She can see their long brown curls tied back from their face by small braids weaved together in a netted pattern and falling gracefully down their back. The caramel brown contrasted with the royal blue shirt, and Clarke smiled at the white suspenders that were connected at the back of their stark white pant.  Clarke traced Lexa’s pants down their legs to the black leather boots that grounded them.

Clarke feels a tight tug on her arm, and she looks over at Abby who is helping her regain her focus.

“I hear it calling outside my window

I feel it in my soul

The stars were burning so bright

The sun was out 'til midnight

I say we lose control”

She looked down at the steps, lifting her dress so that she can be sure she makes each step and not stumble down the five stairs. The sun was shining, and she saw her glittery shows sparkling. The sparkles made her giddy like she was a child again, and she thought about the time Jake came into his study to find her over his blue prints carefully tracing the blue prints with glue and sprinkling glitter over them. Now she knew that she had ruined them, but he had sat with her and helped her finish their art together.

“Remember the blue glitter on Dad’s blueprints?” Clarke asked Abby who turned to her with a smile.

“He framed it and hung it in my office,” she said softly, and they embraced momentarily before the music called to them again.

Looking up,  Clarke was met with the green eyes of her lover staring back at her. She took a step forward and smiled at Lexa who was staring back at her. It was like nothing else in that moment matters, and she smiled, waving slightly at the bruenette, who appeared to be holding their breath.

The music filled her sense and she cast a glance at Abby, as they reached the start of the white cloth that had been spread over the aisle. Abby nodded, releasing her arm and together they began to shuffle step and shake their arms in the air.

Clarke smiled broadly as she opened her lungs, and sang out, “This is gonna be the best day of my life/ My li-i-i-ife/ Oo-o-o-o-o/ This is gonna be the best day of my life/ My li-i-i-ife”

Clarke looked at Lexa as she paused to do a small twirl in the aisle as she continue to sing, “This is gonna be, this is gonna be, this is gotta be/ The best day of my life/ Everything is looking up, everybody up now/ This is gonna be the best day of my life/ My li-i-i-ife.”

As she stopped turning, Calrke caught Lexa’s eyes again, and luckily they appeared to have begun breathing again.

She only had a few feet left to reach them, and she fought the urge to  run to them and wrap her arms around their neck pulling them into a kiss.

_They're here. We’re getting married._

_I’m marrying Lexa Trikru._

_Lexa Trikru is going to marry me._

_Fuck, just one more step._

She reached her stopping point as the music faded into the background. Lexa stepped forward and kissed her mother on the cheek, as General Trikru asked, “Who gives this woman away on this day?”

Abby held Lexa’s hand in one hand, and Clarke’s in her other, as she stated, “I do, as does her father, Jake Griffin.”

Turning to Lexa, Abby placed Clarke’s hand into theirs and stepped back, moving to the seat that had been left open for her, across the aisle from where Lidia sat.

**~Charles~**

Charles stood proudly as he watched Clarke and Abby dance step their way down the aisle towards Lexa. He was enamored by the way that Clarke was able to take an already bright day and make it brighter. He wasn’t a really spiritual man, but he wondered if Lexa had been correct about the sun pact. Because on this day, Clarke Griffin shined brighter than the glowing star that was moving through the sky.

 Nervously, he made it through the initial lines of the ceremony, and now Clarke and Lexa stood before him, holding onto each other’s hands, waiting for him to continue.

Taking a deep breathe, he said, “Family and friends, we have gathered here today to unite to lives as one. On this day Lexa and Clarke have chosen to bring together their lives, the lives of their children, and the lives of their families.”

He smiled at the two before him, that have yet to look away from each other.

“There is no one here that can say that they have not been touched by one of these two wonderful people, and it is with great pride that I assist them in this union.”

Unfolding the paper in his hands, he glanced over the script, but he folds it back up, choosing instead to speak from his heart.

“Today, we celebrate these two young lives that have found in this life what many can only hope to discover. This union is not the creation of a relationship, rather just a symbol of the promises that these two people have already made to one another and to their two beautiful daughters.  Today you open a new door for yourselves and for your children. For those of you who are unfamiliar Clarke has lived her life with open doors, for any that are in need of a place to call home, for a place to be loved. Lexa found that door and in that home, they were able to forge a bond with Clarke, making them quite inseparable. They bring out the best in each other, and they have faced the challenges of their pasts to not only create their own family but connect us all in the most important way. They demonstrate daily the power that love plays in making this life about more than just surviving.”

Looking to each of his now children, he spoke to them, “There will be challenges before you, but you both have learned that love is the only way to conquer those challenges. You will have moments of success and moments of hardship, but together you can handle anything that this wild life will throw your way. I am so proud of you both for finding your way in this chaotic world, and most importantly, for finding each other. I love you both individually, but my love for you together is immeasurable.”

The older baritone cracked slightly, and the general quickly wiped away the tear that escaped. He had more to say but he didn’t know how to make it through  the words, without breaking down. So instead he chose to hand it the floor over to the couple. “Lexa and Clarke have chosen to compose their own vows to each other, so at this time, I will give Lexa the floor to speak.”

**~Lexa~**

_She is really marrying me._

Lexa smiled at Clarke, not turning to look at their father, even as his voice cracked slightly. They couldn’t tear their eyes from the pale princess that they fell in love with as she stood in a kitchen making pizza.

It took Clarke’s reassuring squeeze of their hand, for them to realize they were not speaking. They started to open their mouth, but felt Raven tap them on the shoulder, and dangle the rings over their shoulder. Quickly Lexa took the rings, and held them, as they moved back to their attention back to the oceanic orbs staring at them in adoration.

They opened their mouth and took a deep breath, then began, “Clarke Griffin, several months ago I walked into your home wearing a mask of inference that I honestly believed was my identity. I hid from life, and I hid from the world, ashamed and afraid that no one would ever see me. That no one would ever accept me.”

They looked down at their hands and rubbing the tops of Clarke’s momentarily, before meeting her eyes again, “Clarke, that day standing in your kitchen watching the way you brought people together, I was drawn to you in a way that I could not describe. I found myself unable to breath unless I was I with you. Unable to think clearly without your smile invading my thoughts. You became the sun in my sky, and slowly I realized that I was not stone, that I was not unacceptable. I learned that I was worth loving, because you loved me. I learned how to open my heart because you opened your door to me.”

Stepping forward, they placed a soft hand on Clarke’s cheek, and continued, “You are my everything, and I could never image my life without you. I promise to encourage your compassion and nurture your dreams. I will help you shoulder your challenges, because I will be your partner in all things.”

Lexa took the ring that until that morning hand been on Clarke’s finger, and slid it on to her finger, with the accompaniment of a diamond studded band that matched the detailing of the ring Abby had gifted them for this day.

“You know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow still you manage to love me. You are my best friend and one true love. There is still a part of me today that cannot believe that I'm the one who gets to marry you."

As they looked into her eyes, they saw the steady flow of tears that were trailing from her eyes. Reaching up, they gently brushed away the tears with gentle thumbs. “I love you, Prisa.”

Clarke nodded, and Lexa knew she was trying not to cry. Taking their hands from her face, they returned their hands to hers, after Clarke retrieved their ring from Octavia.

**~Clarke~**

_Don't cry. Don’t cry. Don't you dare fucking cry._

But she failed as Lexa said their vows, and she was quickly grateful for the very expensive mascara that Octavia had insisted she invest in.

They slid the rings onto her finger and she just wanted to kiss them, but Lexa reached up and brushed away her tears and stepped back into place before she was controlled enough to kiss them.

It was her turn and she knew she needed to speak, but she needed a moment. She needed not to sob while doing this. Because when she cried mocos came out of her nose, and she didn’t need to be the bride of boogers.

She smiled at the thought, and finally found her words.

“Lexa, to say I was expecting you to come into my life would be a lie. If someone told me six months ago that I would have been catfished by a beautiful political science teacher and marry that same individual a few months later, I would have laughed at them. If they would have told me that I would have been talking to my mother, or adopting another kid, I would call them crazy.”

A few members in audience chuckled lightly, but Raven was the loudest to laugh of all. No one had seen Raven coming, but when she arrived there was not turning back.

“But the truth is, Lexa, I may have laughed then, but I can’t imagine my future without you. I knew I loved you the moment you held my cheek in my kitchen when you were just the stoic teacher that came to a family pizza night. You had me when you were Lexa the Troll, calling me lovely as you schooled me on terms I have never heard of. Getting to know you over these past months has made me believe that it is possible to love someone so fully that without them it is impossible to breath. Thank you Lexa, for showing me what it means to live.”

Taking the ring in her hand, she ran it down the slim finger, as she made her own promises to Lexa.

“I promise to be your lover, companion and friend. Your partner in parenthood, and an ally in conflict. I will be your comrade in adventure for camping under the stars. Your student and your teacher; your consolation in disappointment.  I promise to be your accomplice in mischief. “

The tears began again, as Clarke looked into Lexa’s eyes, and continued, “I promise above all else to live in truth with you and to communicate fully and fearlessly. I give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and pledge my love, devotion, faith and honor as I join my life to yours.”

As the final words, spilled from her lips, Lexa’s hands raised and pulled Clarke towards them.  She watched as they moved towards her almost in slow motion. Their eyes glanced briefly down to her lips, and then back up to her eyes.

When their lips touched, it was soft and it was passionately. Clarke’s lips parted softly, and they matched the separation, combining their mouths in an intimate and graceful kiss. There were no tongues dancing, just lips connecting them as their bodies met, and Lexa’s hand slid behind her lower back, holding her to them. As their lives and souls united so did their bodies.

There is no telling how long they embraced, as Charles Trikru chuckled, not having yet closed the ceremony. The laughter broke them apart at their mouths, but they remained connected at their foreheads and the general announced.

“I present to you Lexa and Clarke Trikru-Griffin, united on this day as one.”

The crowd of family and friends, stood cheering for the happy couple, as they turned their heads to take in their guests before turning back to one another. Lexa’s lips met Clarke’s momentarily again, but a new song began to play.

_“Do you believe in magic_

_In a young girl's heart_

_How the music can free her”_

The married couple begin their walk back down the aisle, but Clarke is surprised when Lexa pulls her into them, and they begin to lead her in a playful dance down the aisle.

_“Whenever it starts_

_And it's magic_

_If the music is groovy_

_And it makes you feel happy_

_Like an old time movie”_

Clarke stares into the playful smiling face of their partner, before being spun out and then pulled back tightly as their arms extended, turning the Clarke and aligning her back with their front. They danced forward one step at a time, with Clarke in their arms.

“Can’t let you have all the fun, now can I, Prisa," They whispered into her hair, as their arms moved with hers in the air, with every playful step. 

Without warning, Lexa scooped Clarke up from her feet, and she found her arms around their neck. Smiling at them, they asked her, “Do you believe in magic, Clarke?”

Clarke lay her head on Lexa’s shoulder, and they carefully took the steps up to the house. “How can I not? I met you after all.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I cried while writing this today... I hope it was worth 79 chapters.


	80. Chapter 80

**~Lexa~**

Lexa carried their new wife over the threshold, as Clarke’s lips were already making their way over their face. Setting her on her feet, Lexa moved into the blonde, pressing her to the wall just a few feet from the wall, and their lips were crushed into a passionate kiss, that only deepened and became more passionate with the every moment. With one hand on the wall, the other held Clarke to the wall, feeling the ridges of the corset, beneath the dress.

Lexa wanted the dress off, and to see the outfit that Clarke had chosen to consummate their marriage in. When Clarke let out a subtle moan into Lexa’s mouth, they pressed into her harder.

 _My wife._ _Mine._

Dropping their mouth to Clarke’s neck, they applied pressure to the place where the woman’s pulse beat rapidly. They ran their tongue over the point, preparing to apply more pressure, when a very annoying throat was cleared to their right.

Turning Lexa saw the girls, each with their own unique smirk plastered across their face. Meeting them with a scowl of frustration they sighed.

“She is my wife, I get to make out with her on our wedding day,” Lexa stated confidently, turning their gaze to the woman, they still held in place. Their eyes met the sky crests orbs that were dilated in love and lust. “I love you, Prisa.”

“I love you, Lek-sa,” she whispered back, paying no mind to the photographer that stood by snapping photos of the two.

“No hickeys in the wedding photos,” Octavia interjected, earning another scornful look from Lexa.

“I wasn’t gonna-“

“Yes, you were,” Octavia stated, folding her hands over her chest. And Lexa couldn’t lie, _yes, I was going to._

Another throat cleared, but this time it was the tall blonde, with the camera in her hands. “I’m sorry, but we need a few shots of you both and your families, before we lose the light.”

Clarke pulled at Lexa’s neck, and turning their back to her. She pressed a soft kiss to their lips, before pushing at their hand that was holding her in place. They growled lightly, wanting nothing more than to let the guests enjoy the free food, while they took their bride upstairs and provided her with a night of endless pleasure.

“Lexi, please. Its just a few hours,” Clarke whispered so the others could not hear her. With a short huff of air, they released the blonde from the wall, but kept a hand around her. _Mine._

~Clarke~

The pictures were irritating to say the least. Clarke was glad that the photographer was put together and use to dealing with large parties, getting attention of the group, and threw in some fun ideas that she was sure would create some amazing memories of their day.

The sun was setting quickly through the trees, when Clarke and Lexa made their way to the small clearing that was nearby. She could see the bulbous light strings that the boys and Ryder had slung from the trees over the solid wooden tables and benches that surrounded the dark wooden dance floor. They stood off to the side, out of sight, as Octavia and Raven were announced and walked onto the

“And the moment we have all been waiting for, may I present Lexa and Clarke Trikru-Griffin!” the DJ announced to the guests, whose eyes turned to where Lexa and Clarke began to follow the pathway that their girls had walked only moments before.

Lexa’s hand was where it had been, since the girls had interrupted them about to tear her dress from her body; honestly an idea that was not so unappealing to her at the moment. She felt Lexa shifted into her, and she felt them move behind her some, and hold onto her, while their guests stood and clapped for their nuptials.

Clarke smiled, her cheeks blushing slightly at all the attention, and she realized that was probably why Lexa had slipped behind her.  They always avoided group interactions, and tried to blend into the wall, as though they could encompass the meaning of a wallflower pasted to the wall of a tacky 70’s decorated home.

Turning her head slight, with smile still in place, she whispered to Lexa, “Get your ass out for behind me. This dress may be huge, but you are not allowed to hide behind me.”

Lexa sheepishly stepped back to their place, and looked at the blonde, “Together. Not behind or in front.”

Clarke nodded in agreement, taking their hand, they walked into the center of the dance floor. The DJ announced that the couple would share their first dance, before the meal. It was decided that way, because it was known that once Clarke sat in her dress, there was a likelihood she would not want to get up much due to its weight alone.

Lexa’s hands clasped around her body, and she looked up into the jade gems staring warmly back with her. Lexa had been in charge of selecting the song for their first dance, and Clarke almost fell over, when the playful Disney duet filtered through the speakers.

_All my life has been a series of doors in my face_

_And suddenly I bump into you!_

Clarke looked over at Octavia, smacking Lincoln’s broad shoulder out of clear excitement. This drew a simple laugh from Clarke, as Lexa started to move them around the dance floor singing with the animated voice.

“Love is an open door!” they pronounced clearly for all to hear.

Clarke followed suit, as they sang together, “Say goodbye, to the pain of the pat. We don’t have to feel it anymore. Love is an open door.”

And Lexa spun Clarke out some, saying, “Love is an open door.”

Together, “Life can be so much more.”

With Clarke back safely, in their arms, they said softly, “with you,” to which Clarke followed suit, “with you.”

Their lips met sealing once again their commitment to one another before their family and friends, as the characters agreed to their own marriage.

 The next song began, shortly after, as Clarke and Lexa swayed slightly to and fro, middle school style. Lost in each other, the guests had yet to interrupt their moment. However, as though Octavia made it her personal mission to be their scheduler, she interrupted their time, to usher them over to the table, where food was already laid out.

Clarke hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she caught sight of the plate filled with her favorite foods, fried chicken, waffles, and macaroni and Cheese. Turning to the girl, Clarke asked, “How did you?”

“Mom, I know your favorite foods, plus they have an awesome Chicken and Waffles joint up here, and they served mac and cheese,” the girl said, proud that she was able to organize the catering for the event. Clarke had been hesitant to allow Octavia to take on such a responsibility, but the girl had come through.

Looking over at Lexa, Clarke took in their face of slight confusion. Finally they looked up at her, and they said, “Where are the vegetables?”

Octavia huffed and rolled her eyes, pulling a salad bowl from behind her. “Here get E.coli for all I care.”

Clarke’s lungs burst as she laughed, her chest heaving over, as the air expelled from her lungs at two of her three favorite people back to their original fight over the leafy greens. Lexa was startled at first by Clarke’s explosive laugher, but they to snorted and laughed remembering the first real interaction with the teen.

When the laughter died down, the ate and kissed between bites, and sometime with mouthfuls of food, as people repeatedly tapped their silverware to their mason jar drink glasses.

**~Ryder~**

Ryder stole a look over at Lexa and Clarke absorbed into each other like no one else existed in the room. It was amazing to see Lexa so at ease even with so many people around. He was sure he had never seen Lexa smile so brightly before, and it warmed him.

He felt a hand graze over his arm, and she looked to his side to see the tanned woman, with straight long hair looking at him.

“Lexa looks happy,” she says to him, and he affirms her statement with a nod. “Do you think we could ever look like that?”

Her question startled him some. His crush had rekindled the moment he picked up woman from her hotel room, where she had introduced him to her beautiful son, Gustus.

Hesitantly, he asks, “This isn’t just a wedding emotions thing, is it?”

Luna smiles to him and runs her hand down his arm, and takes his in hers, “Ryder, I have been crushing on you since I was a little girl. “

“And Gus, how would he feel?” Ryder asks, wondering how Alexi would feel about him dating someone.

Luna squeezes his hand, a sadness filling her. He realizes that his only contribution to the conversations were potential issues with pursuing something more.

“Ryder, if this is not what you want…” she starts but stops, and begins to pull her hand away.  She is almost turned completely around and was ready to leave the table, when his hand was on her arm.

_Just go for it._

He stood, as she turned back to him, questions buried into the creasing running slightly at the top of her forehead. He didn’t have words, to instead, he leaned forward, pulling the woman flush with him, and pressed his lips to hers.

It took a moment to respond, but that moment was long enough for Ryder to begin to withdraw, before, her lips crashed back to his. This time the kiss was mutual and their mouths met at first at an awkward angle that was quickly righted, as he sucked her bottom lip out some, and then returned his lips to hers, opened enough to graze his tongue over the entrance, begging for a chance.

After a few intense moments, they broke and Luna looked into his eyes, as if she could read the thoughts racing through his synapses. But she didn’t say a word, and he knew that she was waiting for him. She had said what she wanted; it was his turn to reciprocate. His hands shook, but he moved forward, a step, taking Luna’s in his.

“I want you. I have for a long time. I don’t know how to make the distance work, but Luna, I will figure it out. I want whatever this could be,” he professed, scanning her face for reciprocation or apprehension.

Luna smiled though, with a soft squeeze to his hand, “Let’s do it. Ryder. Let’s do this,” and she released his hand to move it in the air between the two of them.

Ryder pulled her into a crushing hug, just as Alexi ran up to him in her princess dress, and wrapped herself around one of his legs. Luna pulled back some and looked down at the little girl, who started up at her with a big smile and wide eyes.

Ryder leaned down, and picked up the girl in his arms, bringing her to their eye level.

“Hey Princess,” he said the girl, who had slung one arm around his neck, but  whose gaze was locked on the woman standing with them.

“Are you going to date my Daddy?” she asked Luna.

Luna smiled, before answering, “If that would be okay with you.”

Alexi nodded softly, just as Ryder always did, then added, “When you get married can I be the honor maid?”

“Honor maid?” Ryder asked in confusion.

But Luna reordered the words for him, “Maid of honor. You don’t want to be the flower girl?” Ryder was taken a back slightly, realizing that Luna basically just told his daughter that they were going to get married. He held his breath, not sure how to proceed as a member of this conversation.

“Octeevia was the honor maid for her mommy. If you are going to mine, shouldn’t I be yours?” Luna laughed a little, and nodded in understanding.

“Of course, Alexi. If your daddy decides to marry me, you may be my honor maid.”

Alexi’s free arm shot out and she pulled Luna into them. Forming a group hug.

“Gustus will be your best person, like raven, and my cousins can be the flower girls,” the little girl exclaimed, planning their wedding.

Luna’s hand ran over Ryder’s face, as she pulled back some. Carefully, she smiled with mostly her eyes, and instructed him to, “Breathe, Ryder.”

~Lexa~

Clarke and Lexa made their way through the guests, shaking hands, exchanging hugs, and basically just thanking each person for making the trip on last minute notice. Lexa noticed Abby standing at the edge of the clearing with a large brown haired man, whose hand was positioned on the small of the smaller woman’s back. Along her other side, was a taller woman, dark featured with a large unwavering smile as she waved to their new wife. To the woman’s side, a blonde woman stood by patiently, taking in the new couple.

It took a few moments, but Lexa placed the other woman who was now grown from her lanky and knobby jointed form. Lexa smiled at her and nodded. A flash of recognition lit her face, and she leaned over and spoke quietly to the woman at Abby’s side.

Clarke said her thank yous, and turned toward Lexa, who was tugging her over to where her mother, “Clarke, do you know your mother’s company?”

Clarke nodded, “Yes, that is Callie, my mom’s best friend even though she is closer to our age. And the other is her wife, or ex-wife I’m not sure they have been on and off for a while, and the man. I think he is a politician.  I remember seeing his photo around Seattle, last year when O and I went for Christmas.”

Lexa took in the information, as they moved closer, but within a few steps, the blonde woman came forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s unexpected form. Clarke took a step aside, slightly confused, but was rushed into her own embrace by the Hispanic woman, telling her she looked beautiful.

“Lexa, you are so grown up,” the blonde stated, pulling out of their hug but holding only Lexa’s forearms taking in their appearance.

“Arizona, you too have grown. I haven’t seen you since you were a little girl,” Lexa said with a smile, cherishing this reunion with their childhood friend. A friend that had known Lexa when they were a child running through the base with their brother and Luna, doing nothing but causing havoc.

Callie laughed a little, and leaned into Clarke, “Apparently your partner knows my…” and she pauses a moment, before choosing to end with, “Arizona.”

Lexa glanced over to see how the woman gazed back that the blonde before them.  Leaning in to hug Arizona again, they whispered, “She looks at you like you hung the sky. Don’t let that go.” Arizona pulled back and smiled at them.

 Abby shifted slightly, and moved forward. “Clarke, Lexa, this is Marcus Kane.”

Marcus extended his hand, but Clarke was having none of that, so she quickly pulled the man into an awkward embrace. After the release, she said, “It’s nice to meet you, Marcus.”

The teens ambled their way over, and giggling, as Octavia threw their arms around Clarke’s neck, and Raven leaned on Abby, one arm slung over her shoulder. Raven was the first to speak, and true to herself, she asked the blatant question, “Is this _the_ man, Grams?”

Abby’s face instantly blushed, and truly that was enough to tell Clarke that yes, that Marcus was _the man_ , but  still Lexa could tell Abby wanted to say it. “Yes, Raven. This is the person we spoke of.”

Turning to Clarke, she spoke again, “Clarke, Marcus and I have been seeing each other for a while now.”

Octavia bounced slightly, tugging on Clarke’s neck, “Can I call you Grampa?” The question made the group laugh for the girl was clearly hell bent on expanding their family.

Marcus chuckled softly, and looked down at Abby, as though she held the overall say in what that decision may be. Lexa took in the look of adoration that hid behind the cool exterior. Abby was happy, and this made them happy.

Abby finally answered, the blunt question, “Marcus meet my granddaughters, Octavia and Raven. And O, let’s talk about your obsessive need to title people later, please.”

“Fair enough,” Octavia said, but then added with a hint of snark, “But a girl is suppose to have two Granpas, and I am sadly short one right now.” Looking at Marcus, she winked, “You should really rectify that situation for me. I am already weird enough, can’t have me going through life without a proper, yet overly complicated family tree.” Lexa rolled their eyes at the girl, but they couldn’t help but love the way she just made people feel like their were family.

The group talked freely, before Lexa and Clarke were being pulled back to the floor for a few more dances, and an awkward activity, where Lexa and Clarke went through a variety of questions about how well they understood their relationship, back to back, as the guests laughed and cheered at their understandings.

Octavia and Raven manned the microphone, which was a recipe for disaster. The girls began with simple questions, that often held the newly weds choosing each other.

“Who is hotter?” Octavia asked, and Lexa raised the glittered Tom, while Clarke held up the leather boot. Lexa looked down at the dorky black socks, embroidered on the tops, with the words ‘no cold feet.’

“Who is the biggest flirt?” Again opposite shoes were produced, drawing a laugh from those around.

Raven took the next question, “Who spends more money?” This time the glittered Toms were both held in the air and Lexa muttered under their breath, “Costco.”

“Oh this is a good one,” Raven says, and then asks, “Who is always right?”

Lexa not one to give Clarke this one, held up their boot, but the laugher caused them to look around to see the blonde also holding their boot in the air, with her head shaking lightly.

“Who is more likely to deal with a spider in bathtub,” Octavia asked next, and more laugher arose, as Lexa put up the blue sparkly shoe. Lexa heard movement behind them, and turned to see the blonde had left her seat and was now wrestling Raven the ground, trying to get her shoe in the air.

“Ma! Stop it!” Raven scolded through her laugher, but Lexa knew it was true. They didn’t do bugs, and Clarke refused to kill anything. Raven had become the bug catcher or as Clarke called it the insect murder.

“Raven, you asked who, and I feel that I should have more shoes,” the blonde says, standing triumphantly over the girl, with her ankle caught in her grasp, holding her shoe in the air. “I mean O is lucky, I didn’t hold her leg up for who spends more money.”

The crowd that had gathered around the dance floor laughed harder at Clarke’s words. Lexa went to move from their seat, but Octavia announced, “No, we still have one more question,” and Lexa sat back down, folding their arms across their chest. Clarke moved back towards them, but this time, plopped herself down in Lexa’s lap.

Octavia shook her head, but asked the final question, “Who do you love most in the world?”

Lexa and Clarke looked at each other, and with a slight nod, both were out of their seats this time, faster and either of the girls could move away. With little effort, Octavia found herself buried under the white dress, as Clarke covered her while holding her leg in the air. Lexa had managed to man handle Raven back the ground, and was holding the teen’s leg back in the air.

The crowd cheered, and the girls laughed while screaming at their parents to get off of them.

“What can we say? We love you both more than anything else in this world,” Lexa stated, pulling Clarke in for a kiss, as they continued to hold their girls to the ground.

**~Lincoln~**

The night was growing late, and many of the guests had begun to say their farewells. Lincoln sat at the table, watching Octavia on the dance floor with her sister, jumping around in a funny line dance. Clarke was there with her, and he sighed. He liked to take credit for the Griffin women becoming the Griffin women, which means now, he felt that he owned the right to take credit for the Trikru-Griffins, since technically it was Octavia’s adoption that attributed to the series of events bringing Raven and Lexa into the home.

Lincoln, watched as Octavia swayed her hips, and moved her feet. He loved to see her happy. Engrossed in watching the girl before him, he was oblivious what else was going on around him. He didn’t hear the footsteps approaching behind him.

Though even if he was paying attention to the steps, he probably still would have missed the sounds. The owner of the sneaking feet were trained to be silent, fading into whatever background surrounded them.

So the boy jumped when the two dark hands slapped over his shoulders. He jumped and fell from his chair in a heap on the forest floor. But his startle only intensified as he looked up to see the dark warrior standing over him, still dressed in her fatigues.

“Son, I trained you better than that,” she said with a subtle smirk on her tense face.

Lincoln took in the sight of Indra, before getting to his feet and standing strong and tall like she and his father had taught him. He fought the urge to hug her and pull her in, as was a greeting he had become accustomed to in the few months within Lexa and Clarke’s home.

“Mother, your are here,” he spoke formally, while still gawking at his mother. She placed her hand on his chest that was barely below her eye line.

Indra patted just above his heart, and said while moving to see the happy couple with their girls, “I had to be here for this. I mean I was the one that put it all in motion.”

Lincoln turned to his mother, with a scrunched face, and said indiginanly, “You did not. I was the one to talk Octavia into talking to Momma G.”

The woman looked at him momentarily, and her eyes were hard. He slumped a little, knowing that he was about to be taught a lesson. “Son, you got the girl to talk, but I spoke with Griffin the night that you brought the girl home. I spoke with her the week that she was struggling with the decision to adopt the girl. I wrote her the letter of recommendation explaining why she would be the ideal parent for the girl.”

Lincoln’s eyes grew wider with every statement she made. She tapped him again, and stated, “I know all, son.”

 _If her and Momma G are as close as she is implying then she knows…_ and Indra nods as she sees him realizing that Clarke had told her of his hesitancy to enlist.

“I know of your desires son. But know Octavia will make her choice. As you must make your own,” she stated, before turning from her son, and going to greet the happy couple.

He watched as Lexa shook his mother’s hand, but Clarke one never to care for handshakes hugged the very stiff colonel.

 Lincoln was still in shock that his mother was here. That she had traveled half way across the world to be here for Clarke and Lexa’s wedding. The wave of relief began to wash over him, and he approached the smiling group, welcoming Indra back. She turned, when he got closer, his heavy feet making it impossible to sneak up on her.

Once face to face, he wrapped his mother in the hug he originally wanted to give her. He held her tightly and gradually she too embraced him.

He felt the first tear break free, even though he fought it. “I was so worried,” he explained. “You missed our calls. I thought…”

Indra squeezed him tighter, and answered his tears, “Son, I meant to surprise you. I was supposed to be here two days ago, but the Monsoon that hit Phoenix, and flights were delayed then canceled. I couldn’t call, because then you would know that something was up.”

Lincoln nodded, understanding her words. But she was here. She made it back. And he clung to her tighter. Opening his eyes, he saw Charles Trikru smiling at him. _That's why he avoided me all day._

**~Clarke~**

Once Indra had arrived, Lexa and Clarke felt the sense of relief. They had known for the past two weeks that Indra would be arriving.  Clarke had even given up their bedroom to the woman, for they would be heading to a hotel for their first night of their married life. Tomorrow, they would all be heading back to Phoenix, giving just a few days before Raven’s adoption.

Looking over at Lexa, she smiled broadly. Lexa shifted their gaze from the happenings around them, meeting the blonde’s eyes. They moved forward, pressing their forehead to hers. They shared the mountain air for a few moments, before Lexa closed the remaining space between their lips.

Their kisses most of the night had been pecks with only a few moments of making out. But their lips were still kiss swollen, and Clarke ran her tongue over their lower lip, wanting more than a peck.

Her wedding day had been marvelous, not even her imagination was capable of preparing her for how the day would have gone. She had rolled through so many emotions that day that her body was gradually beginning to feel the weight of the large dress.

“Can we like get out of here already?” Clarke asked between the kisses that Lexa was now peppering down her neck.

Lexa pulled back, and Clarke wondered if they were as tired as she was. “Let’s go, Prisa,” and as they were already on their feet, assisting her to hers.

She watched as the remaining crowd lit sparklers as they made their way to the already loaded Audi. Clarke stopped at the end of the path and gave each of their girls into her arms, begging them to be good.

Lexa aided Clarke into the passenger’s seat of the Audi. As soon as the car was on, Clarke’s window was down, and she hung partially out to wave, while Lexa drove them slowly through the tree lined double landed road.

Once the house disappeared from view, Clarke was back in her seat, clipping on her belt.

“I love you Lexa Trikru-Griffin.”

Lexa’s eyes never left the road, as they responded, “I love you too, Clarke.”

Clarke’s fingertips grazed over Lexa’s neck, and she feels them shiver. “Klark,” they growled. “It is our wedding night.”

Clarke withdrew her hand with a halfhearted grunt. Then she growled weakly back, “Yeah, yeah! You’ll get distracted and you’re driving soooo fast it may cause us potential death all because I wanted to do was touch your neck.”

Lexa laughed a little.

“Don’t you laugh Lexa Trikru-Griffin. Because laughed could cause you to lose focus and run us off the road.”

Lexa laughed a little harder, but tried to drop down their commander mask, in order to maintain their safety.

“Mi esposa. Mi amor. Por favor,” they plead with the pouting blonde. “I only want to protect you.”

Clarke fought back the smile, because she didn’t want Lexa to know that she found their focus on driving endearing. Looking back at Lexa, she says in her most seductive husky voice, “Just get us there, Commander. I have a present for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few months ago, I finished my first novel. After several rounds of editing, I am looking for some feedback and the first 2-3 chapters. I will be posting it under original characters and no fandom tag. If you are interested in providing me some feedback please visit my works and leave me a note. Its under "Treaty Promises."


	81. Chapter 81

**~Lexa~**

The resort was quite when they arrived. The lobby was basically empty, as the two newly weds made their way to the front desk. Lexa took in the modern lobby, before meeting eyes with the woman waiting at the front desk.

_Of course._

Clarke caught sight of the startled face behind the desk, and stopped in her tracks. Holding tightly to Lexa’s arm, she turned her frustrated gaze to them and asked, “Is that who I think it is?”

Lexa nodded solemnly to her, understanding why she would be frustrated. Charles and Lidia had gifted them the suite for their wedding night; therefore, they had no inkling to believe they would run into the woman from their past yet again.

Turning to Clarke, Lexa looks down at their wife, and presses their lips to hers. Heads together, Lexa says softly, “We can go somewhere else, if you prefer.”

Lexa watched as Clarke took a deep breath, her eyes fixated on the ground. Lexa knew that this was Clarke’s “get your shit together” face, and they wished that of all nights this could have been the night Costia did not work.

“Okay. Its okay, Lex. Let’s just get this one little hiccup over with, and then its just you and me,” she said quietly, and Lexa nodded their head against hers, before pressing a sweet kiss to her nose.

They turned back to the counter and moved forward. Costia’s eyes were shameful and she made it a point to look at the computer screen and not up at the blonde that she attempted to assault the night prior.

“Good evening,” Costia stated like they were no one else, clearing running through her scripted greeting.

“Hello,” Lexa said coolly. “We have a reservation for Clarke and Lexa Trikru-Griffin.”

Costia nodded, and typed furiously at the key pad. “Yes, the Presidential suite has been prepared in accordance with the instructions provided by Mrs. Trikru-Girffin.” She still hadn’t looked up at them, and she was quickly swiping the key cards through the machine.

Lexa looked at Clarke who was not shying her gaze away. She was openly staring at Costia, waiting for the woman to look up.

The key cards were set upon the table, and Costia was pointing to the laminated facilities map, explaining the location of their room. As her hand ran across the map, Lexa could see the woman’s hands shaking slightly.

What shocked Lexa was not Costia’s uneasiness, but how Clarke reached over and grasped the shaking hand softly. Costia’s eyes rose from the map to meet the eyes that they had fallen in love with.

“Costia,” Clarke said, her voice wavering a little. “I accept your apology.” She smiled lightly, and Costia sorrowful eyes did not shift from Clarke’s.

“I’m-“ but Costia didn’t finish her sentence. Instead she started another, “You are everything that Lexa said you were.” The statement was weighted, and Lexa felt a wave of emotion rush through them, because yes, Clarke was everything they had claimed her to be.

Clarke laughed lightly, “No, they think I am perfect, but it is far from true.”

Costia smiled slightly, and then contributed, “You are perfect for them.”

“Thank you,” Clarke said and pulled back her hand. Lexa ran gentle circles over their bride’s back.

Costia met Lexa’s eyes at last and she smiled at them. “You did well, Lex.”

Lexa looked down at the slightly shorter blonde and smiled, as they said, “Yes, yes, I did.”

Clarke shoved them slightly, and giggled. “Stop it, we both know I did most of the leg work.”

Costia smiled, but Lexa didn’t notice because they were feigning offense about Clarke’s comment. “Klark, you said I was the one that was always right.”

Clarke snorted this time, and looked to Costia, “I had to save your pride before our friends. We both know I am always right.”

Lexa rolled their eyes and slumped a little, taking the blonde into their arms, “No, no, no.”

Costia interjected though and said, “Lex, your wife is always right. Just get use to it.”

Clarke turned and stuck out her soft pink tongue at Lexa, before adding, “See even your ex knows that I am far superior in the rightness category.”

“Ugh,” Lexa said, turning to Costia, “Really, you couldn’t back me up?”

Costia laughed a genuine laugh this time, and put the key card in Lexa’s hands. “No point in lying to people on their wedding night. Just accept that she is always right. Always will be right. After all, she’s perfect remember.”

Lexa glared at Costia, “Jerk.”

Clarke laughed and took the key from Lexa. “Let’s go, Lexi. I need out of this dress.”

Lexa nodded to the smiling ex-girlfriend. They handed the car keys to the brunette and Costia promised to send someone with the bags momentarily.

They turned to follow the blonde down the path that Costia had instructed them. For not having looked at the map, Clarke had really absorbed the instructions.

**~Clarke~**

Clarke moved down the hall quickly, but Lexa had caught up to her, pressing hot kisses to her neck, as she continued to walk. Their lips on her neck were intoxicating and it eased the tension of having to come face to face with Lexa’s ex once again.

Without warning, Lexa’s hand grabbed Clarke on the middle and she was pressed against the hall wall, trapped with Lexa’s flush body pressing into her. Their lips were on her lips, than her neck. Hands were running over her tightly wrapped middle, as hers buried into their curly tresses. She pulled them into her lips and they ran their hand down her body, pulling her leg up and pressing themselves between her thighs.

Their ministrations were becoming heated, and Clarke could feel her arousal soaking through the blue lacey panties that were carefully positioned over the straps holding her thigh high stockings to the corset torso bra she was wearing. But they were interrupted by a small brunette dressed in all back, with the words security written across the tight black shirt

“Sorry folks,” the girl said softly, not looking at them. Clarke glanced over and noticed that the girl was pulling a bellman’s cart with their belongings.

Clarke smiled at the girl, a small blush crossing her cheeks, while Lexa quietly growled that they had been interrupted again. Clarke shoved Lexa back some, and said, “Come on, Lexi.”

Lexa slumped and followed the security worker with their bags that led them to the suite. Clarke handed the girl their keys when they arrived at the door. The girl, opened the door for them, and held the door for them. Clarke was impressed by the girl’s professionalism, but realized she had probably seen many interesting things.

**~Lexa~**

They hadn’t expected the room to have blue and green leaves that matched the ones from the ceremony. They hadn’t expected the gas fireplace to be lit, or there to be candle hidden within glass domes filling the room.

Lexa looked to Clarke who smiled at watching their reaction to romantic ambiance of the room.  They moved closer to the woman that was clearly proud of herself.

“This is a wonderful present,” Lexa stated, moving closer slowly.

Clarke chuckled lightly, and said, “Lexa, that is not your present. That was just fun.”

Lexa looked around the room, and said, “Then where is my present?”

Clarke laughed a little more, and they looked at her incredulously, “Klark, you promised me a present.”

Clarke took a step forward, an arm twisted behind her. Lexa couldn’t see what she was doing until the ties that held her dress were untied and the dress slowly fell from her body to the ground.

Lexa had seen Clarke in her blue lingerie before, but that did not come close to the vision before them this time. Clarke reached behind her head this time and pulled the three pins that had strategically been placed to keep her hair up. The golden locks fell in gentle waves down her neck and settled a few inches below her shoulders.

Lexa’s breath was caught in their throat as they took in the sheer lace that covered Clarke’s torso. Continuing their gaze downward, they took in the blue laces panties that were growing darker at the area between the woman’s thighs. Lower, they realize the thigh highs are connected to the torso bra by a few straps.

“You can unwrap me how ever you please,” Clarke stated, taking a few steps forward, abandoning the dress on the floor with her shoes. She was like a walking lingerie ad, and Lexa didn’t know where to start.

When the blonde was just in front of them, they realized that her blue panties were presently resting atop the straps that connected the whole outfit together. They figured that this would be a great place to start, and they gradually hooked their fingers in the edges of the panties, while massaging circles into her soft hips bones.

“Klark,” they moaned out quietly, “I want to spend tonight sealing our union.” They slide down the soaked blue material a few inches, as they press their lips to her very still and waiting neck. “I want to hear you screaming my name.”

This time, their lips connect with the top of her breast and they suck lightly; only enough to leave a subtle mark that would fade by morning. “I want to feel you come around my finger.” And they shifted to her other breast, as they pushed down the material farther. “I want you coming on my tongue, so I can devour you.”

They moved quietly to their knees, and pressed a kiss to one of her hips. “I want to feel you come on my dick.” And their lips moved to the other hip. The panties were now around her ankles, and their lips were at the tip of her slit. They applied harder pressure here, sucking their mark into her.

They feel her move slightly, trying to catch her balance as a throaty moan fell from her lips. They place on hand on her lower back, and tug gently on the panties, signaling her step out of them. She does without question, and they know that she had relinquished to them her whole body to take care of. To praise. To worship.

Taking the panties, Lexa moves back up her body and holds them for her to see.

“You are very, very wet,” they say as they move forward and capture her lips in a searing kiss. She meets their advance, wrapping her arms around them, as they toss the lace aside.

Their arms are quickly around her waist, then down to her ass, pulling her upward into them. She wrapped her legs around them, as they moved her quickly to the bed, laying her down in the center.

Quickly they discarded their clothes, bearing themself fully to the darkened lustful eyes that there taking in every ounce of flesh visible. Moving onto the bed, Clarke’s hands gripped at the sheets. They were proud of her restraint.

Kneeling on her side, they begin to kiss and run their tongue along the exposed areas of flushing flesh. Clarke’s pants become apparent, and glancing down they can see her sex glistening in the flickering candle and firelight.

Moving their head down her body, they run their tongue over her labia and the creases were her legs meet her torso. Her hips bucked slightly, as they shifted their weight to where they were straddling her torso. They pressed their own wetness onto her chest, as they ran their tongue along her slit, before dipping their tongue into the folds. Their tongue was met by the sweet taste of Clarke as her hips pushed up from the bed, pushing them farther into her. They shifted their weight, moving their hips closer to her mouth.

“Please, Commander,” she begged, and they lifted slightly, looking at her to see what she was begging for.

Her eyes met theirs and she said, “Please, may I taste you as well?” Lexa smiled, readjusting their position, and positioning their sex over her lips, as they dipped back down, and pressed their tongue back into her.

Their tongue found her clit, as she too found theirs. With every stroke they made, she matched. Lexa’s mind went blank momentarily as they lost themselves into Clarke’s gentle and soft touch. Heat rushed from their chest, down through their extremities. The tingling sensations, made them acutely aware of the intensity of their love for the woman below them.

_I love you, Prisa. I’m going to show you everyday for the rest of my life._

Slowly their momentum gathered and both bodies created rhythmic stroke that hand both moving in sync with each other. Lexa slipped their arm around her hip, and dipped a finger into her entrance. They ran their finger slowly within her, applying pressure to her walls.

They felt as she pushed a digit within them, and moaned into her clit. Her hips bucked, and they sucked down on her clit, grazing their teeth against the swollen bud.

Her movements became more erratic, and Lexa could tell she was getting close. She removed her finger and pushed her tongue within them, as they applied pressure with stroke after stroke to her.

Within moments, her hips were grinding into them as her muscles clenched and relaxed. They felt her tongue turn to ice as her mind raced toward oblivion. The sensation sent them over the edge, and their hips thrust down on her face, grinding into her.

When their clit became over sensitive, they lifted from Clarke’s face. Turning their body to meet hers, they kiss her with an equally glistening chin.

**~Clarke~**

It took a few moments for them both to regain their ability to move effectively, but when the moment came, Lexa was already off the bed and rummaging through their bag. Clarke rolled to her side and watched them withdraw a long double-sided silicon toy and a small ring. They stood on the side of the bed, trying to position the rings around the middle of the toy. They struggled with it momentarily before Clarke grabbed the other end and held it still as they rolled the ring, with the small vibrator, to the desired position.

Moving back onto the bed, Lexa took a deep breath and pushed one side of the dick within them. Clarke watched, until the beckoned her to come to them. Sitting with their back against the headboard, Clarke moved closer, and hovered her body over the toy. Lexa ran the toy through her slick lips, gathering the moisture. Once satisfied, they held the tip still, as Clarke slid down the shaft. Each had one leg over their partner’s, and Lexa pulled Clarke closer to them. While they were adjusting to the foreign body within them, Lexa’s hand moved to the back of Clarke’s neck, and they continued to kiss one another. Their hips gradually began to move, finding a rhythm with each other, until both took a little more of their side of the shaft. Gradually, their clits met in the middle and they slowly ground into one another.  With their free hand, Lexa pinched and rolled Clarke’s nipple  between their thumb and pointer finger.

_Fuck. Fuck me._

“Por favor, Lexa,” Clarke said, hoping that the Spanish words would send Lexa into a different level of intensity. Lexa’s hand moved from her nipple to the toy, where they pressed the button that sent Clarke’s head backwards.

“Klark, mi amor,” the growled as they pulled her in closer, plunging the vibration deeper. Their hand found her ass as they guided her motions.

They felt her slick throbbing clit pressing against their own.

 _Oh my god,_ her mind reeled.

“Fuck me, Commander,” Clarke begged, as Lexa’s hands pulled her, while their hips pushed her. The reach within was deep, and both her panting out pleads and words of vulgarity. Clarke felt as Lexa’s fingers digging into her flesh, but the pain only sent her over her edge faster, and she rocked uncontrollably into them, feeling them collapse with her.

As they came to together, they smiled into each other. Clarke’s eyes were hooded and dazed. Lexa’s hand caressed her cheek, whispering, “Klark, you must not fall asleep yet. We have much time yet.”

Clarke nodded lazily, before extracting herself from the toy. Lexa pulled it from within, and moved from the bed, Picking up the blonde, they made their way to the bathroom, and turned on the water. Clarke made her way to the toilet and relieved herself, as Lexa went back into the bedroom.

Slowly she unfastened the clasps of the full bra, and then pushed over the knee high socks. Once done, Clarke took a step into the shower, facing the faucet, and allowed the relaxing hot water flush over her skin.

Her head was buried under the stream of water, when she felt Lexa’s hand’s wrap around her waist. She leaned her body back into them, and was met with another surprise that probed the interior of her thigh. Moving with them, Clarke found herself turned around, and her back pressed against cool tiles. Their lips met, as Lexa once again lifted her from the ground, lifting her onto the bulging mass strapped between their legs.

Clarke wrapped her legs around their waist, kissing her way along their neck, as the steam filled the bathroom. Her body flushed once more, as waves of joy and serenity washed through her. Lexa thrust gentle, afraid of hurting their new wife. But their thrusts increased, as Clarke groaned out, “Fuck me, Commander. Harder.”

Lexa picked up their pace, but found their legs were gradually starting to weaken from all of their ministrations.

Halting their thrusts, they pulled the woman from them, and guided her back to the bed. She crawled back onto the bed, but stopped moving as Lexa positioned themself behind her, and pressed back within her. The shower still ran in the background, as Clarke panted out pleads for Lexa to “fuck me senseless,” and “more, please, yes thank you.”

Clarke felt the fall of Lexa’s hands across her ass check, as she pushed forward with the momentum. Her face buried into the comforter as Lexa’s hand connected with the other side. “Thank you, Commander,” she cried out, feeling the coiling within her stomach.

“Prisa, you are so perfect,” Lexa praised her. Her body moving back to connect with every thrust. The finger that flutter over her ass, sent her over her edge, and she collapsed into the comforter, with Lexa falling down into her. They held her, pressing kisses down her neck, her shoulders, as their fingers ghosted over the skin that had been previously been covered.

“I love you, Prisa. I am so happy to be married to you.”

Clarke turned to meet their eyes, and pressed her lips to theirs. “I love you, Lexi. Thank you for marrying me.”

**~Lexa~**

After a few kisses, Lexa pulled Clarke’s head into their chest. They ran their fingers through the drenched blonde lockes. Gently massaging her head, as she ran her fingers over their sharp hip bone. They felt the heat returning between their legs, and the exhaustion receding with every gentle strum.

“Prisa, if you don’t quit building me back up, then I will have to take you again,” Lexa almost growled, as their hips moved towards the hand playing their body. Clarke giggled lightly into their chest, before moving slowly down.  She was pressing soft kisses down their abs, until she reached the tip of their slit.

Running her hand between their fold, they canted their hips begging for more contact. Clarke’s body moved between their thighs, and they felt her lips meet theirs. They spread their legs, making an easy access opening for her. She smiled up at them, as her pink tongue ran up and over their still sensitive clit. They moved with her mouth, maintaining contact as long as possible. Unable to keep their head up, they let it fall back, wrapping their fingers into her blonde roots. They pulled the blonde where they wanted her most, and pressed into them when the heat began to move from their abs down into pulsing clit.

“Prisa, si.”

They felt her swipe over the spot again, but teasing them.

“There, Prisa, si,” but they felt her move again off the spot and they could tell that she was intentionally playing with them.

This time they did not beg, instead the growled, “Prisa, you will stay on the spot, or-“ but they couldn’t finished their sentence, as Clarke’s lips moved around their clit and sucked down.

Their hips bucked again, as she held them to the bed, moving her tongue down to their entrance and pressing within them. Her nose rubbed their clit. Their finger pulled at her head, losing themselves to the stars that they swore she fell from.

As the blissful oblivion took them over, Clarke devoured their orgasm, leaving no trace of Lexa’s climax on their sex.

And the night wore on in such a matter, neither finding rest until the sun began to rise. Each pushing and pulling the other in gently and roughly. Making love to each other over and over, to ensure that this night would never be forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue is next.


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to give you one more before the epilogue, hope you don't mind.

**~Clarke~**

It as rare that Clarke would wake before Lexa, but late in the morning on the day after their wedding. The bed was strange when she woke, but when as she reached across the sheets she felt the warm body heated the sheets beside her.

She lay gazing at the harsh beams reflecting off the olive skin.  Her eyes traced their curves and lines, which she had already memorized. Though this time it was different because this time they were officially hers.

Clarke wanted to reach over and coax them from their rest, but her need to relieve herself was overwhelming. As Lexa breathed deeply, their body embracing the comfort of the soft pillow top mattress, Clarke decided to give them a few more moments of rested bliss. She moved slowly from the bed, trying not to wake them, but she failed when her foot caught in the sheet slightly, and she lost her footing; falling with a thud on the side of the bed. “Mother fucker,” she hissed quietly, pushing herself up from the ground.

Placing a hand on the side of the bed, she looked up and caught site of the green eyes peaking over the side of the bed at where she kneeled. The eyes smiled at her clumsiness, “Fucking bed has it out for me,” she explained with an extended lower lip.

She turned to move towards the bathroom, but there were suddenly hands on her, pulling her back into bed. It took some brief maneuvering, but Lexa managed to position themself under her, legs wrapped around her middle. Normally, this would be a position to take advantage of, but Clarke’s bladder screamed and she felt like her teeth were floating in her mouth. She pushed at them, as they held her close.

Wiggling and fighting the urge to giggle that would surely just jostle her bladder more, she moaned in displeasure. She managed to free her arms and brace herself over Lexa. Leaning down, she pressed a swift kiss to Lexa lips, then stated, “I love you, but I have to pee.”

She tried to pry herself out of their grip again, but Lexa was stronger and better skilled at keeping her in place. “Lek-ssa,” she whined this time, and tried to wiggling more violently.

“Prisa,” Lexa said smoothly with a subtle smirk, “You woke me; therefore, we should be enjoying each other.”

“After I pee,” Clarke says, still trying futilely. Lexa’s face scrunched in disgust, as they shook their head.

“Klark,” Clarke stopped wiggling at the clear command in their voice and cocked an eyebrow at her partner holding her down. “I want to taste you, not your urine.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped, and the momentum shifted her shoulders forward a little. She wished only to fall into them, and let them have their way, but she had to pee.

“Lex-“ she started, but was cut off with a hand over her mouth, as she is flipped so she is now the bottom, and Lexa is painfully straddling her hips.

“Klarke, do not say that I am being ridiculous, since I have licked your ass,” they stated, and Clarke was floored that they knew what she was about to say. “That was different. We had just bathed, and it was very obviously well cleaned,” Lexa explained, as they sat on the still struggling blonde. They smiled into their words, “Klark, stop struggling we are newly weds and should be ravishing each other’s bodies with love.”

She didn’t miss the snark that was hidden behind Lexa’s works, which only encouraged her to disobey their playful restraint.

Clarke pushed at Lexa’s thighs, trying to shift them either higher or lower, before she resorted to yelling slightly, “Lexa, I swear to go if you do not get off me I will piss in your mouth as soon as you try to touch my clit.”

Lexa’s shock flooded their face, causing them to lose their focus momentarily. And that moment was all she needed. Clarke seized the opportunity to push them off her and make a break for the bathroom.

Unfortunately, Lexa was faster, even after having been thrown off. They raced past the blonde, plopping their ass down on the toilet, leaving the Clarke to stand before them dancing.

“You are cruel,” she whined, as she pressed her legs together and bent her knees, bouncing slightly.  Lexa smiled and wiggled dry slightly in triumph over the woman that had bested them a moment prior. The blonde continued to stand before them bouncing, waiting her turn, but Lexa took their time.

Pulling at the soft paper on the wall.

Folding the paper into squares.

“Oh. My. God. Lexxx-sa,” Clarke cried out, clearly distressed. “Hurry the fuck up.”

Lexa’s smile didn’t falter. Instead, they took their time wiping at a tortuously slow rate.

As soon as they were partially up, Clarke’s ass made contact with the now warm seat before Lexa had a chance to hit the button to flush. They laugh at what Clarke can only assume is the look of sheer relief on her face.

“Yeah, you’re so funny,” Clarke growls, her bladder still emptying, as she crunches forward to aide in the process.

Lexa moved from the enclosed area and to the sink. As they washed their hands, they explained, “I am hilarious, Mrs. Trikru-Griffin.”

**~Octavia~**

Octavia moved in sync with Lincoln, who held one hand, and Alexi, who was attached to the other. The little girl swung her arm around as though they skipping, and Octavia was trying really hard to no be annoyed, while on the other side of Lincoln, Gustus walked grumbling at having been left with the older boy for the second time that week.

They were walking up to the resort that Clarke and Lexa had stay for the night. It had been a family decision to send the two away for their wedding night that Charles and Lidia had agreed to pay for after Charles had one nightly experience coming down stares to the kitchen to find his child behind the Griffin woman doing things no father should see their child doing. At the suggestion, Charles had forked over his credit card, claiming they could all use a break from "listening to the two of them man-handle each other.”

Indra led the group up the main desk, as the sun was starting to rise. The plan was to have breakfast and head home; however, everyone knew Clarke and Lexa were not going to be getting up early; therefore, it was more of brunch time. When they got to the desk, they were pointed in the direction of the restaurant, where Abby and her group waited.

Indra stayed behind to have the wedded couple, called and reminded that breakfast was taking place. Octavia and Raven spoke to Indra about leaving the two in bed and making their way back down to Phoenix. However, Indra had reminded them that they were going home, in order to tie up the last few details before Raven’s adoption hearing.

Once everyone but the newly weds, were at the table, the conversations filled the small dining room. Their party was large to say the least, and when Clarke and Lexa finally made it to the table, the restaurant filled with congratulatory cheers. Octavia watched as they moved as one, and she felt a sense of relief finally ease from her.

 _She is happy_ , Octavia reflected as she took the sparkle in Clarke’s eyes. The emotion filled within, as though Clarke was feeding it directly to her. Looking to her right, she noticed that Alexi was seated on her knees trying to reach a bagel on the tray. Reaching over she grabbed the bagel, and handed to the grateful girl that looked up at her in wonder.

_I need to be nicer to her because I am a big sister in training._

**~Raven~**

She sat between Bellamy and Abby, at the end of the table away from her parents. She didn’t need to be next to them, because she knew at the moment she was surrounded by family.

The sensation overwhelmed her and she excused herself from the table and made it to the restroom before the tears broke through the damn that she had built to shield herself from embracing happiness to this extent before. But the walls began to crash the evening prior, when Lexa sat on her stomach holding her foot in the air, declaring that they and Clarke loved her and Octavia more than anything in the world.

The door behind her opened, and she quickly tried to wipe away her tears, but the arms that wrapped around her just made them flow harder. She recognized the touch immediately as Clarke’s.

_Of course she would follow me._

“What’s going on, Ray?” the concerned voice asked.

Raven choked out a, “nothing,” but she knew that Clarke wasn’t buying it. She tried to catch her breath, but she just choked a little more.

Clarke turned her, and pulled her taller head into her. Raven felt her mother running her hand over her hair, and it made her sob harder.

_I have a mom. Like a real mom._

It took several moments before she had regained her self-control. Pulling back from Clarke’s now soaked shirt, she began, “I just never thought… I have always been alone.”

She choked in a gasp of air again, and then let it out in a string of word, “ButIhaveafamilylikearealfamilyandiamgoingtobeadoptedandnontuandyoulovemeandijustneverthoughtanyonewouldlovemelikethat.”

She wasn’t sure if Clarke was able to make out what she had say, but she had said it and a relief almost washed over her. Because this was happening.

Raven Reyes would become Raven Trikru-Griffin.

She would get to learn what it meant to be a part of something. Something that so many kids from the street could only dream about. Something that meant she didn’t have to sleep in a car again. That she would never have to wonder where her next meal would be coming from.

Raven Trikru-Griffin would have a home.

Raven Trikru-Griffin would get to graduate from high school.

Raven Trikru-Griffin would get to celebrate holidays in her home, instead of a soup kitchen, being served by people who would return to their home to eat later that night.

Clarke held her hand to Raven’s jaw, and spoke slowly, “You are loved Raven. You are special and we love you. I am so proud to be able to be your mom.”

Raven fell into Clarke once more, whispering “thank you,” over and over again.

**~Lexa~**

They had watched with Clarke as Raven had excused herself from the table. They had seen how her shoulder’s slumped as she walked away Sharing a knowing look with their wife, Clarke too excused herself and followed their daughter into the bathroom. Lexa wondered if they should follow, but decided to give the two females sometime with each other.

Arizona sat with Ryder and Luna at the end of the table near Lexa. They shared childhood memories, and Ryder managed several bad puns concerning that Arizona was indeed in Arizona. One particularly question asking Arizona what it was like to be within herself. Needless to say, Ryder managed to pull his foot from his mouth long enough to have a brief conversation with Lexa.

“Lex?”

Lexa turned their attention over fully to their brother, which was a pleasant distraction from the amount of time Clarke and Raven had been missing from the table.

“Yes?”

Ryder looked at the rest of the group to make sure no one was listening. “So, I spoke with Luna last night,” he began.

Lexa nodded, and contributed, “It seems as though things are going well with you both.”

He smiled shyly, and looked over at the woman that was busily engaged in an animate conversation with Arizona and Callie about the time that the four of them decided they wanted to hide with the ground, ending in them rolling around in mud naked. Luna described Lexa’s raccoon like war-paint that they had created out of the mud across their face.

They shook their head at the embarrassing memory before turning back to Ryder.  He looked at them momentarily, and Lexa could tell their brother was nervously trying to choose his word carefully.

“What is it?” they ask.

He swallowed, and then began, “So I talked with Luna about something I wanted to offer to you and Clarke, but I wanted to make sure she would be okay with it.”

Lexa hummed in understanding, knowing that this would be apart of their life now; asking Clarke before making major decisions.

“Okay, I don’t know how to say it, so I am just going to say it,” but then he was quiet. Lexa cocked an eyebrow at them. He shook his head again, and this time let out the words he has been trying to say, “I wanted to tell you that I know you and Clarke want a baby, and I just wanted to offer you…”

Lexa scrunched their brows together, but then understanding broke through.

“Ryder, are you?”

He nodded, his tanned skins flushing slightly. “I just… You don’t have to.”

They placed a hand on their arm, and nodded to them.

“Thank you,” and they watched as he relaxed some. “I will speak with Clarke regarding her wishes, but your are very kind Ryder. I didn’t know…”

He smiled. “We adopted Alexi, after I found her abandoned on one of my first shifts without my FTO. Her little green eyes caught me. She just looked so much like you,” he explained.

Lexa squeezed his arm slightly, then said, “Thank you for never giving up on me.”

They held each other’s gaze momentarily, but were interrupted as their wife and daughter returned to the table.

Clarke pulled them into a kiss and when they pulled back, they noticed the wet spot with eye make-up staining the shoulder of her shirt. They pulled at the blonde curls, covering the spot they were certain put their by Raven.

“Thanks, Lexi.”

“Everything okay?” they asked.

Clarke smiled, and whispered to them, “Our daughter was just emotional about everything that has transpired. She finally let herself really feel it.”

Lexa took in the smile on their beloved lips, and then watched as she turned her face to the table of people that were gathered around the table, animatedly sharing their meal.

“We did this, Lexa,” she stated, lacing her pale fingers with theirs. They glanced down, and noticed, that Clarke was spinning her rings around her finger. They hoped it was a good sign, but they felt the need to ask.

“Why do you do that?” they asked.

Clarke looked at them and then followed their gaze down to her hand. She huffed a soft laugh, and said, “It like real. You’re real, Lexa the Troll. You’re real and we are married.” Lexa cupped her cheek, as she continued, “I mean my kid loves you. You gave my kid a full family. We found another daughter. You found your family. I got my mom back.”

She leaned into their touch as she spoke. “Lexa, none of this would’ve been possible without you.”

They leaned in and kissed her.

“Thank you, Lexa,” she continued between their kisses.

After several kisses that were accompanied by cheers and gags from the table, they pulled away form their wife’s lips, but kept their arm around her.

The rest of the meal went by without a hitch. The family laughed together as they told embarrassing and endearing stories. Lexa watched as their family finished their meals, and felt what they could only imagine were the emotions that had rushed through their daughter.

They had attributed home to the house that Clarke had built, but sitting at the table they learned what home was. Home was this.

Watching their niece mimicking every move that the broody teen made, including wrapping her arm around Luna’s boy next to her.

Watching their Raven laugh and playfully punch the boy-man next to her as he grumbled about she baby sister and the boy under her arm.

Watching Abby engage them all in a tale of toddler Clarke pointing at pictures in her books, making up stories because she couldn’t read the words just yet, and Clarke burying her crimson face in her hands as Abby explained that Clarke was always making her characters go poop.

Watching as their childhood friends rekindled their loves, and wrapping their fingers together with their respective partners; each a budding romance promising new hope and adventures.

Watching their father pull in his small wife, and her sense of relief after years a tension faded away.

And they realized that maybe this was their hero’s journey. Their trails and challenges had led them to their darkest moment, where they realized they were capable of more.

Life was about more than surviving. Life was about open doors that led to new adventures.


	83. Epilogue

**~Clarke~**

Music blared from the open front door of the house across the street. The house use to belong to the Jerikson; however, after some careful negotiating on Lexa’s part and teenagers begging, Clarke gave in and put in an offer to purchase with Lexa. They had kept what was now known as “The Griffin House” where everyone was still residing, after Lexa decided there were many updates needed before they moved into the house.

It was five months into the remodel, and three into Clarke’s pregnancy. Lexa had promised six weeks. Six fucking weeks, but that deadline had passed 14 weeks ago, and Clarke was over the wait. Her hormones were bouncing her from hot to cold as though she were on a never stopping roller coaster.

Octavia and Raven had taken the ride home from Lexa, earlier in the afternoon, leaving Clarke to drive herself home after her afternoon meetings. When she stepped from the car, the music immediately began to annoy her.

_Maybe if they did work instead of fucked around all afternoon, I could be painting my kids fucking nursery right now. Or decorate my fucking Christmas tree for Raven’s first Christmas._

She started towards the house as she felt her stomach turn over. Fast food was not her greatest idea, but she had been hungry and was already fighting the urge to run through a Starbucks drive-thru an order an eggnog latte, her Christmas favorite.

She hadn’t successfully given up her regular drink, only shrunk the size to meet the maximum caffeine milligrams allotted for her pregnancy. She didn’t make it to bathroom before she felt acid moving up her throat. Bolting to the closest trashcan, which the family had strategically placed throughout the house for her, her little peanut ridded her system of the greasy food they clearly disdained.

Wiping at her mouth, she spoke to her stomach, “You are so your Nontu’s blood.” She smiled at the thought of carrying Lexa’s child within her, as her hormones took another spike.

_“It's been a long night here, and a long night there_

_And these long long legs are everywhere_

_(hold up now)_

_You look good, I will not lie_

_But if you ask where I'm staying tonight_

_I gotta be like oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong baby_

_My baby's already got all of my love”_

The music riled her again, as she stood up from her hunched position over the trashcan. Dropping her bag next to the door, she made her across the street. Unconsciously, she rubbed the lower region of her abdomen, which had just begun to protrude slightly, as she took the steps up onto the porch that she really did love.

When she entered the house, she could hear the girl’s and Lexa singing along with the music. She hadn’t been in the house much, as Lexa had been begging her to let them finish.

The dark floor was the first thing she noticed, and she wondered how Lexa knew that she always wanted hardwood floors. She passed the study, and noticed that there were now walls of built in bookcase, that lined the walls. She took a few moments to appreciate the details that Lexa was placing in the home to make it their own. She was pulled from her appreciation though from the bulky boy carrying out a load of trash. He caught her eye, and with a shy smile, he stated, “You’re not suppose to be here.”

Clarke’s glare returned, turning to the boy, she stated, “Lincoln.” His name was enough, and his eyes widened before he moved passed her quickly.

The beat of the music was still hammering into her, as she made her way further into the house. Getting frustrated at still not seeing Lexa, she called out in her moody mom voice, “Lexa, get your ass out here.”

It took less than a minute for the brown curly headed person to bounce from the kitchen area, stopping her in her tracks. “Prisa, what are you doing here?” They ask as they kneel before her to kiss their growing child.

Carding her fingers through their hair, she pulled their hair back so they could meet her eyes. “Five months, Lex. Five fucking months.”

Lexa’s eyes grew and the angle made them look extremely innocent. They batted their lashes, as they rose to the feet, wrapping their arms around her middle. She felt the warmth of their embrace encompass her, and she had to admit seeing Lexa in their little tool belt, jeans, and dirty t-shirt made her arousal moisten her momentarily. But she shook that thought away, because this project was becoming ridiculous.

“I want to move into my house, Lexa,” she began the same rant she had been sharing for the past several weeks. “I want to paint our kid’s nursery before I can’t.”

Lexa’s hand met her cheek, as she continued. “Seriously, I swear you are using this project as your fucking man-cave to hide from me.” And the fucking pregnancy hormone dropped her low as she started to tear up.

“Shh, she,” Lexa said pulling her into their dusty shirt. “Clarke, just give me to the weekend. I promise, babe, its almost done.”

Clarke sniffed, “You keep saying that.”

Lexa sighed and Clarke knew they knew it was true. Lexa had been promising just one more weekend for a month now.

“Klark, the boys are all coming on Saturday to move our stuff over. I promise this time. Sunday, you will be sleeping in our new room,” they said softly, trying to calm the now sobbing blonde in their arms.

“Promise?”

“Si, Prisa. Sunday,” and they took her in their arms, guiding her back over to The Griffin House, where Luna and Ryder would be moving into the following week.

**~Lexa~**

On Saturday, Abby swept Clarke away to a day spa, in order to keep her from standing in the living room dictating where everything would be placed. Lexa knew that Clarke was still at a stage that she could lift lightweight items but they wanted none of that. She was carrying their child and they were not willing to chance anything. It took everything in them to not insist she stay in bed for the entirety of the pregnancy.

All the furniture had been moved and placed. Octavia and Lincoln were still shifting the furniture around the living room, and Raven was busily connecting all of the complicated networking for the sound system and other electronic devices.

Lexa was in the bedroom that shared a wall with the master, fighting the pieces of circular crib together. It took a few trips, but Clarke and Lexa agreed on the dark wooden crib. They were cussing at the screw and nut in their hands as they lay on their back, under the wooden mass.

“Just go in the hole,” they growled at the inanimate object.

A chuckle came from the door, followed by, “That’s what she said.”

Lexa lifted their head, startled by the voice, and knocked into the wooden frame above them. Rubbing their head, they looked to see Ryder standing in the doorway.

“Asshole,” they said to him, as they shifted their attention back to the refusing screw. His head was positioned near theirs a few moments later, and he was taking the screw from their nimble fingers.

“Let me help you,” he said, but they smacked his hands away.

Hissing, they said, “I can put together my child’s crib.” They appreciated all of the assistance he had given them in helping Clarke carry their child, but they would be lying to admit that they felt the need to prove themself as the parent of this child in his stead.

As though he sensed this feeling, he pushed their hands away, and stated, “Lexa, this child is your child. No one will ever doubt that, so stop being an ass and let me help put my niece or nephew’s crib together so you don’t get crushed by this huge of wood.”

Lexa looked over at their brother. _How did he know?_

“Look I know its hard being you, but Clarke is carrying your baby. Your baby, with your DNA. Its going to come out a stoic little shit, just like you were.”

Lexa sighed. They pulled out from under the crib as Ryder slid the screw into place and attached the nut with ease. _Great something else he can do that I couldn’t._

Standing up, he gripped the crib and shook it a little, making sure it was stable. The crib didn’t shift, instead rattled as a complete unit and Lexa felt pride fill them, as they had completed most of the setup themself.

The looked around the room, that now possessed all of the furniture they had selected with their wife for their first child. As their eyes wandered, they fell back on Ryder who also stood appraising the room across from them. They realized like all of the furniture in the room, Clarke and Lexa had selected him. They had agreed that Ryder would be an ideal match for their needs, but it couldn’t take away the feelings of inadequacy in comparision of their brother. Not being able to give Clarke their child alone.

 _You’re being ridiculous,_ the voice told them, and Lexa knew the voice was right. They were being ridiculous.

“Thank you,” they said for the umpteenth time. Because even in their frustration, there was no doubt that they were thankful for Ryder giving them their DNA to impregnate Clarke.

He moved from the other side of the crib, and wrapped his sibling in a crushing hug. He smiled down at their scrunched face, and declared, “I am so excited to be an uncle again!”

This brought a laugh to their chest, and they could tell that Ryder really did accept his place as an uncle and had no desire to step in and take over their place in their child’s life. They finally hugged him back, and it was a real hug. A tight and grateful hug.

When they released, he looked at Lexa and shifted his feet in front of them. Lexa could tell that there was something else he wanted to say, but like always he was struggling to find the words.

“What is it?” they asked hesitantly.

He looked up at them with a smile, and said, “So I don’t want to steal your glory, but part of the reason I came over here is because I wanted to ask for your help.”

Lexa cocked and eyebrow, unsure how they could help their brother with really anything. Nothing could ever compare to the gift that they had given her.

“In a few weeks, I am going to need your help in setting one of these up across the street,” he said, placing his hand on the rail of the crib. Lexa’s eyes grew to comic book character size, as realization seized them.

“Luna?” they asked, “and you?”

He nodded eagerly, and explained. “The drugs the clinic gave me were meant to make me more… potent. And we had a night, and we may have been too intoxicated to remember to… and well, you’re going to be a Nontu again.”

Lexa moved in and wrapped their arms around him this time. Feelings of insecurities fled them as they realized that together Ryder and them would be moving through parenthood with new infants.

When they released, Lexa asked, “How far is she?”

Ryder laughed, before he answered, “Three months. It happened about a few days after Clarke was inseminated.”

“Jesus! Ryder!” they said with a broad smile. “Well brother, this is going to be interesting ride. Is she puking none stop and crying over everything?”

He nodded with a subtle eye roll. “Yes, she told me if you didn’t get this house done so we can take over The Griffin house soon, she was coming to move your shit herself.”

“Clarke said the same thing,” they supplied.

They both took a moment admiring the still barren nursery. This was about to become very real. They were about to have infants screaming, pooping, and commanding the attention of the women that they loved.

“Our lives are about to change forever,” they whispered, and Ryder nodded in agreement.

“Its going to be amazing,” he said.

And they stood there absorbing the reality of being parents. Being parents together. Living with spit-fire women that would never hesitate to hand them their asses if they stepped out of line.

“Congrats, Ry.”

“You too, Lex.”

**~Clarke~**

It was late Sunday morning. Clarke was counting the days until the beginning of her second trimester, where the doctor promised her nausea would calm and she would begin regaining her energy.

The bed beside her was empty, but that wasn’t unusual as Lexa was always up and running and then at the house on weekends. Giving her the time she needed to rest. But today was different. Today was Trikru-Griffin house day. The only thing that had not been moved the day prior was their bed. Lexa had wanted to share the house revealing in the daylight with Clarke, requiring her to stay in her house one more night.

After she dressed, she moved through the now empty shell that had been her home for the past three years. Memories flooded through her as she remembered the first day, she has guided Octavia into the open floor plan with nothing but their bags. It was empty as it was now, when they had first pushed through the door that had never since been locked. She briefly wondered if Ryder would lock that door.

_I wonder if I can talk him out of it._

She thought about holding the knife as Raven stood on the doorstep, holding up her hands with her trademark grin. She wondered briefly if Raven had begun to decorate her room in their new home, hoping that she had attempted to make her mark in the place that would always be hers.

She moved to the spot in the entryway, where the entice green eyes had met hers for the first time.

 _They were so beautiful,_ she reflected.

On the counter she noticed the tall iced chai tea latte. There was a note that was gradually gathering the condensation from the drink. Quickly she sucked down the beverage in four quick drinks, as she read the note.

Prisa,

When you are ready, please come join us in our new home.

-Lexa the Troll

Clarke smiled at the note, and moved towards the door. Taking one last glance around the house before she crossed the street, she sighed the only moment of remorse that she will allow to fill her today.

Carefully, she crossed the street, through the front yard and up onto the porch. She took in the porch swing that had been hung the day prior. She hadn’t noticed it in the dark, but now she smiled knowing that there would be many days that she would spend on that swing.

Before she had the chance, Lexa opened the front door with a broad smile plastered across their face. Gesturing to the door mat, they said, “Welcome to Casa de Trikru-Griffin.” Clarke took in the mat that had the family name printed on it. She smiled at the branding and moved towards Lexa, who once again dropped to kiss their child first and then rose to kiss her. She loved the way that they already loved their baby.

Kissing them back, Clarke leaned into them. They held her, and then turned to guide here within.

Octavia and Raven were just inside the door, with Bellamy and Lincoln standing behind them. All were smiling proudly of the home that they had helped create. Clarke moved forward and placed a kiss on each of the girl’s cheeks, before they were dragging her through the house and to their bedrooms, that were far from Lexa and hers. Octavia showed her room first, and then Raven proudly displayed her very well decorated room, that reflected the technical budding engineer she was becoming. Clarke noticed the drafting table almost immediately, already filled with papers and parts that the teen had begun playing with the night before.

Lincoln and Bellamy showed her their room next, that had been equipped with two extra long twin beds and a shelving unit that held elements of the boys. Even though Bellamy had returned to school and Indra was due back in a few weeks, Lexa and Clarke had made the decision to create a permanent place for the boys in their home. She smiled in approval to boy of the boys that stood by hoping that Clarke would approve of their room.

 _My boys_ , she thought appreciating how both had managed to come to terms with Lincoln’s relationship with Octavia. The fights had finally ceased, along with the annoying grubby comments and tension.

Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s arm, and guided her to the rear of the house, where Clarke found that they had replaced all of the kitchen cabinets and added a double oven, and extra large refrigerator. Casting a shy smile to Lexa, she ran her hand over the butcher-block topped island that stood centered in the kitchen.

“I wanted to make sure it was the perfect place for pizza making,” Lexa explained, and Clarke flushed in joy as she noted how carefully Lexa had chosen the details of the house to encompass their life together.

“I love it, Lexi,” she stated, fighting the tears back. _Fucking pregnancy hormones._

 She noted the way the farmhouse table and couches were placed in an open scheme that allowed for the whole room to be open to their family and friends. In the large bay window, Clarke noticed that the floor was already covered with the tree skirt and a few presents were placed. The only thing missing was the tree that they had agreed to pick out together.

Clarke bit her lip, at how her family had come together to create something so welcoming that there was no question this place would soon feel like home.

Lexa took her arm, and pulled her back down the hallway that she knew would lead to their bedroom and the nursery. Stopping at the first door, Lexa stalled momentarily.

“This is the one room that really is not complete,” they explained. Clarke smiled and pushed them aside a little to open the room. When she entered, she couldn’t fight the tears anymore. The room was filled with the furniture that they had painstakingly chosen, but also a drop mat was already in place with brushes and paints in place.

Lexa had readied the place for her to put her own mark in their child’s room.

Their child would grow up in this room with their parents next door. Clarke looked at the wall that she knew shared with theirs. Looking up at Lexa, she saw them smirk.

“I sound proofed it with the best material. I promise, no noise I pull from those beautiful lips of yours will wake our baby,” they said, moving Clarke to the double seater rocking chair. Once they sat, they pulled their wife and child on their lap. One hand ran gently over her small bulge, as they looked into her eyes.

“I love you, Prisa.”

Clarke pressed her forehead to theirs, and returned the words, “I love you, Commander.”

A call came from down the hall, “NO COMMANDER NONSENSE IN MY LITTLE SISTER’S BEDROOM.”

Clarke rolled her eyes at Octavia’s words, and then yelled back, “We don’t know it's a girl!” She pressed a kiss to the side of Lexa’s smiling lips, before nuzzling into their neck.

“Our baby better be ready for them,” Clarke stated fondly, knowing that the girls were eagerly preparing for the new life that would be joining them in the future.

Lexa chuckled, and pressed a kiss to her head, “Clarke, thank you for carrying my child.”

“Our child,” Clarke corrected. Taking a deep breathe, she added, “I was thinking we would do a Once Upon a Time theme, an create the Enchanted Forest. Since its what brought us together.”

She felt Lexa inhale her scent, as they nodded into the side of her face. “I love that idea.”

Pointing to the corner, Clarke said, “I think I am going to paint a magic troll right there.”

She turned in time to see Lexa’s jaw drop. They opened and closed their mouth, trying to say something. Anything. But all that they managed was, “No, Clarke. You will not teach my baby that I am a troll.”

Raven and Octavia entered the room, giving each other a knowing look.

“But you are, Nontu,” Octavia answered. “And all kids want to know how their parents met.

Raven pointed to the blank wall, and stated, “You should totally do a lake with a catfish over there, Mom.”

Clarke laughed as the girls moved into sit on the chair with them. They were laughing along with Clarke, while Lexa sat below the blonde blushing a shade of pink, Clarke wondered if she could ever duplicate.

With the girls tucked in, Lincoln and Bellamy also found their way into the room. Lincoln brought with him a large camera and a tripod. Sitting it before them, he adjusted the focus and Bellamy and him sat on the floor before the Trikru-Griffins.

“First day in our new house, means we need a family photo,” Lincoln explained. “Everyone smile! One… Two… Three.”

The flash made them all groan, but when Lincoln revealed the photo Clarke turned to the still blushing Lexa. “You pointed to my belly!”

Nodded with a tight-lipped smirk, they said, “I needed to make sure our baby knew they were here for our first day in _The Trikru-Griffin House._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking this journey with me.
> 
> Sequel has begun under the name: Write your story, she said; it will help, she said.


	84. Authors Note

Hello,

Sorry everyone. I swear, I was trying to update my fics today but someone was claiming to be me on tumblr. It turned into a huge mess, and somehow I got talked into doing a periscope tomorrow to prove myself. However, here is the deal. I am luxstoryteller on tumblr, it is also my gmail. You can find me on twitter at @bluespicer. I am not really sure how to do the whole periscope thing but I will be doing it tomorrow at 11am my time. If you’re interested you can watch me make a fool of myself as I show you how Lowiiie and I write a chapter together. I will answer as many questions as possible. I am not sure how long I will be doing it but.... yeah, this is apparently happening. Also, Lexfingtrikru on tumblr is not me. 

Best wishes,

Luxi


	85. Chapter 85

Hello,

If you read this piece and loved it, then you should know that I have been working on rewriting it for publication. I have changed all the names (except raven;s cause I can't seem to find a name change for her yet) and am posting it under a different title.

[Alex has left you a comment](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7559653)

The rewrite is the story told from first person rather than third. It has changed many things but over all I hope it is better. Please let me know what you think. 

Best wishes,

Luxi


End file.
